Other Character Email Gunhaver/Paradox

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Contents

Summary

This is it, the third Gunhaver Email special, where epic battles and extremely important events will result. Here, Gunhaver helps the Chabarg Commandos on their ultimate plan: To defeat Ultramarine Laser once and for all.

Cast (in order of appearance): Ripper-Wan, Guninator, Commander Blaze, Gunhaver, Alpha Stan, Gyro, Jewel, Reynold, Fightgar, Asylum Police Cheats, Ryenold, Foxface, Silent Rip, Ultramarine Laser, Dr. Reynolds, Splitknot, Carteen, Fhqwhgads, Tampo, Brody, Stlunko, Gamma Stan, Killer Red, Killer Blue, Killer Green, Strident Spy, Flama, Chabarg Commando Lieutenants, Ultramarine Underlings, Strong Bad, Homestar Runner, Trevor, Homsar, Disputant Rogue, Contestro, Guntoshi (in his robot), Black Laser, Blast Maverick (voice only), Arrowhaver, Blue Laser, Blue Laser, Chorch Commander/Chorch Emperor (Easter Egg), The Trickster/The Emperor (Easter Egg), Sidekick Bob/Vice-Emperor Bob (Easter Egg), 1-Up (Easter Egg)

Lines: 1109

Transcript

Prologue: Theatrical Crap

Click here to read the Prologue

Act I: Onset to Disaster

{Slow, orchestrated music plays as the following words appear on a black screen.}

{Cut to the last Chabarg Commandos HQ. Cut to a room with Ripper-Wan meditating on a platform with Guninator and Commander Blaze watching. Zoom in on Ripper-Wan as he feels something.}

COMMANDER BLAZE: What is it?

{Ripper-Wan opens his eyes with a grave expression.}

RIPPER-WAN: I sense a disturbance in the force.

GUNINATOR: A disturbance????

RIPPER-WAN: The war that is rumored to have no end but a very high death toll and darkness is about to end, TODAY.

COMMANDER BLAZE: That's good.

RIPPER-WAN: But in the process of that, the universe will be ripped apart and destroyed, WITH NO WAY TO UNDO THE DAMAGE!

GUNINATOR: Crap. That is not good. And your force things are always 100% true, right?

RIPPER-WAN: For once, I wish they're not.

COMMANDER BLAZE: Maybe there's a way to counter this. But no matter what we do, we can not face our adversaries alone. This is our big chance to destroy Ultramarine Laser once and for all, and I say that we need allies. I'm talking about...

RIPPER-WAN: Didn't you just hear what I just said? I said the u...

COMMANDER BLAZE: Of course I heard what you said! Otherwise, I wouldn't be speaking! Anyway, I say that we need allies. I'm talking about Gunhaver...

{Abruptly cut to Gunhaver in front of the Alpha 1260.}

GUNHAVER: ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!!!

{Gunhaver starts singing hard rock as an electric guitar plays. Also, the following words appear as they are "said".}

GUNHAVER: GEMAIL IS AWESOME {"AWESOME"}, GEMAIL IS WEIRD {"WEIRD"}, I AM AWESOME "{I ROXXORS!"}, AND YOU ARE WEIRD {"YOU SUXXORS!"}! And I'm sure I'm not ripping off of Strong BAD {"Please don't sue me!}!!!!

Congratulations on reaching the big 75. You have 19 new emails.



GUNHAVER: And, g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-O!

{Gunhaver presses a button to make the following email appear on the screen, which Gunhaver reads.}

Subject: Transdimensional teleportation

Gunhaver!
A transdimensional teleporter has been discovered! You can take it whereever you want, but if you ever leave it alone, it will teleport somewhere else once in danger. Therefor, don't leave it alone. It should be in your time somewhere in the forest.

Cutlass

{When Gunhaver reads the email, he pronounces "whereever" as it is spelt and "Threfor" are "Therefore, you have no Es..."}

GUNHAVER: {typing} Well Cutlass... {holds back laughter before he laughs} Oh man! Cutlass sounds like a really stupid name! I mean, Cutlass sounds like a girl's name and that girl lives on a ranch.

{Suddenly, the following message appears.}

NO OFFENSE TO YOU GIRLS WHO LIVE ON A RANCH.

{The message disappears as the scene continues.}

GUNHAVER: {typing} Well, Girl-lass, that sounds pretty interesting. Maybe I will explore the forest and look for this said science-fiction product after the party held for my 75th email. But first, I'm going to visit Gyro to examine his new invention. I wonder if that is... Nah, I must have screwed a bunch of things up here that'll prevent that machine from being made. Well, TO THE RANDOM APPLE TRANSITION SCENE!

{Cut to a psychadelic scene with twirly multicolored thick lines and an apple bouncing around the scene. Someone is beatboxing.}

BEATBOXER: {off-screen} APPLE!

{Cut to Gunhaver, Gyro, and Jewel by the Butterfly Effect Machine. Gyro is explaining to Gunhaver the concept of the butterfly effect and the machine's functions.}

GYRO: I'm glad you asked. Do you know about the butterfly effect? Where if you change one small thing, even in the past, the future is changed? Well, this machine...

GUNHAVER: NO! Screw that! Destroy it! If you don't, then Blue Laser will use it to change the past and rain he... {censored voice} HADES {normal voice} on us all, just like last time!

{Gyro and Jewel get extremely creeped-out looks on their faces. Gunhaver realizes what he has just done.}

GUNHAVER: Oh, silly me, bursting into creepy rants like that without knowing what consequences that might bring. Well, I guess I'll go now.

{Gunhaver runs away.}

JEWEL: {creeped out} What... the crap... was that... about?

GYRO: I don't know, but I think he's told me enough to evaporate all of my doubts. I need to meet someone. You just stay here and not break things, even though you will.

{Cut to another room, where Gyro is meeting with Reynold.}

GYRO: Well, I just met with Gunhaver, and he's told me enough to believe you. He is crazy.

REYNOLD: Wow. I'm glad someone finally believes me.

GYRO: Yeah, well, it's a once in a life chance for you, so you'd better tell me what we're going to do to take action before I call you a fool who wants attention.

REYNOLD: Don't worry. I just arranged for that.

GYRO: My, I guess you are semi-semi-semi-efficient.

REYNOLD: Say what???

{Cut to the party room, where the rest of the Cheat Commandos are celebrating Gunhaver's 75th Email. There is a banner that says "CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR 75th EMAIL!!!", food, some dancing, and music. Cut to Gunhaver and Fightgar, having some canapes that look like a quarter of them are cut off.}

GUNHAVER: Man, this 75th email is 75% great! The music is 75% great while it's only 75% complete, the food - and there are 75 of each of the 75 types of food - is 75% great and complete, the dances are 75% great, the decorations are 75% great, and the party is 75 minutes long! What more can we ask for?

FIGHTGAR: The last 25%?

GUNHAVER: No smart comments, soldier, or I'll make you clean the bathrooms with Reynold 75 times!

FIGHTGAR: Oh no! I'll shut up, for 75 seconds!

GUNHAVER: That's the spirit!

{Suddenly, police sirens are heard as Cheats wearing police uniforms with the signs "WE ARE OF THE ASYLUM!" run into the room and surround Gunhaver.}

A POLICE CHEAT: Gunhaver of the Cheat Commandos, you are under arrest for being crazy by saying stuff that conspires other people to be crazy. For that, you are condemned to be put in an asylum for AT LEAST 25 weeks.

GUNHAVER: What??? Who set me up???

{Reynold walks onscreen.}

REYNOLD: Well, I did, but it was he who brung the authority here.

GUNHAVER: Why you backstabbing... WHO BROUGHT THE AUTHORITY HERE???

VOICE: I did.

{Ryenold walks onscreen.}

RYENOLD: When my son told me that you've gone from normal to crazy to too crazy for your own good and bad, I knew that you had to be stopped. So, have fun in the...

GUNHAVER: Wait a minute! IT'S YOU! You were the on in the alternate Blue Laser universe! I thought Blue Laser killed you! {calms down} Oh wait, this is the past, so...

RYENOLD: {interrupting} That's enough proof! Asylum Police Cheats, DOGPILE HIM!

{A bunch of Asylum Police Cheats dogpile on Gunhaver.}

REYNOLD: You know that wasn't really necessary, dad?

RYENOLD: Yeah, I know, but I'm more used to catch the dangerous criminals who require this type of action. Anyway, take him away, boys!

{Cut to the outside the HQ, where the Asylum Police Cheats throw Gunhaver into the back of their truck. Somber music plays during this scene. Cut to the party room, where Foxface, Silent Rip, Fightgar, and Reynold are seen, the former three looking sad.}

FOXFACE: Gosh. Gunhaver's gone, for 25 weeks.

SILENT RIP: I think we're going to have the worst 25 weeks of our lives as well.

FIGHTGAR: I think I know who to blame.

REYNOLD: Yeah, well, he was getting dangerous with his mental problem. Maybe those 25 weeks will fix up his brain for the good or bad of Cheatkind.

SILENT RIP: But what do we do now?

{Pause.}

FIGHTGAR: Let's continue the party!

{And so, the Cheat Commandos continue the party. Cut to the forest, where a rather small, but well-guarded asylum complex is seen. Zoom in to a barred window. Zoom in some more to reveal Gunhaver in a straitjacket in his cell.}

GUNHAVER: Well, this sucks to the max.

{Pan out to reveal that he is being watched by Ultramarine Laser watching a hologram projection inside his castle, which looks like it has taken some damages. We can only see the back of Ultramarine Laser's cloaked form.}

ULTRAMARINE LASER: Well, this is the perfect time to strike. Ever since he brought along the blasted Chabarg Commandos in here by "unintentionally" destroying the DNA cannons while fighting my minions here, they've caused even more damage to my castle, destroying several other machines as well. And if you rule over a desolate land with rebels and a war, you obviously can't buy or make stuff you want quickly, even if you are the EMPEROR. But that will change. The Chabarg Commandos will probably need his help soon, and they need a transdimensional portal or beam for that, due to complicated reasons. This is the best time to kill him and prevent the Chabarg Commandos from getting allies.

{Zoom in on Ultramarine Laser.}

ULTRAMARINE LASER: Of course, there are those allies, but still, {shouting} FIRE THE TRANSDIMENSIONAL NUKE!!!

{Cut to the sky in the Cheat Commandos universe, where a blue nuclear missile materializes. Dramatic music plays as the missile sets up its systems before flying at mach 1 speed to its destination, the forest by Cheat City, creating a massive explosion that obliterates the forest with some parts of the surrounding area. Cut to Dr. Reynolds, Splitknot, and Guninator watching a hologram projection.}

DR. REYNOLDS: This is really bad. We've just sent an emergency transdimensional portal to Gunhaver in his asylum cell when danger's afoot, seeing that the portal's already beginning to fade.

GUNINATOR: Why can't we just use the other transdimensional transportation systems?

SPLITKNOT: After the destruction of our last headquarters, all of the transdimensional transportation methods but two are in the bin!

DR. REYNOLDS: And the other one is being downloaded into this headquarter's systems from a surviving computer capsule from our last headquarters. We can only hope that Gunhaver isn't as crazy as he is accused of being.

{Cut to this.}

BEFORE THE ASYLUM WAS NUKED.

{Cut to Gunhaver's asylum cell, where Gunhaver's in his straitjacket.}

GUNHAVER: Well, I'm talking to myself and am seeing hallucinations...

{Pan right to reveal the transdimensional portal, which is a floating, multicolored, miniature "black hole". Cut back to Gunhaver.}

GUNHAVER: I truly am crazy. {Long pause} Hey Daniel, what's up?

{Cut back to the Chabarg Commandos watching Gunhaver in his cell on a hologram projection.}

GUNINATOR: Craxap. He is crazy.

DR. REYNOLDS: Maybe this is the paradox Ripper-Wan was talking about.

GUNINATOR: Say what???

DR. REYNOLDS: Maybe there is a way to communicate with him. I only hope Gunhaver is sane enough.

SPLITKNOT: That's going to be tough.

GUNINATOR: Shut up with your useless comments!

{Cut to Ultramarine Laser's castle, where he is standing in front of Carteen, Fhqwhgads, and a large machine with a screen with an evil face on a platform.}

ULTRAMARINE LASER: All right, I'm hoping that you will succeed on your mission and leave none of your targets alive.

CARTEEN: Yes sir.

FHQWHGADS: Killing is our specialty.

EVIL MACHINE: Just get on with it! I want to rip flesh into pieces!

{Cut to Gunhaver in his cell with the transdimensional portal, which is starting to fade away.}

GUNHAVER: So, go check the mail, Daniel. Then buy me some fish.

DR. REYNOLDS: {off-screen} Gunhaver!

GUNHAVER: Whoa! You're not Daniel! You're just a transdimensional portal and that voice belongs to Dr. Reynolds of the Chabarg Commandos, which means they need my help and I am not crazy at all!

{Cut to the previous scene.}

GUNINATOR: That was disappointingly easy.

DR. REYNOLD: Be thankful.

{Cut to Gunhaver in the cell with the fading portal.}

GUNHAVER: Well, here goes.

{Gunhaver zips off the straitjacket (yes, he zips it off), and jumps into the fading transdimensional portal. It closes RIGHT when there's a big explosion from the nuke.}

{Cut to Ultramarine Laser's castle, where Ultramarine Laser presses a button, causing the three to disappear. Then he checks a hologram projection.}

ULTRAMARINE LASER: WHAT??? AN ERROR??? NO!!!

{Cut to Dr. Reynolds, Guninator, and Splitknot looking at a hologram projection with arrows, dots, and images of Gunhaver, Carteen, Fhqwhgads, and a fuzzy face.}

DR. REYNOLDS: OH NO! He took the transdimensional portal at the SAME TIME as three other people who are our enemies!

GUNINATOR: What does that mean?

DR. REYNOLDS: There's going to be a big error.

{Cut to Gunhaver screaming as he is flying in a multicolored void. Suddenly, a big, black circle sucks Gunhaver in.}

DR. REYNOLDS: {voiceover} There's a big chance that there will be a switch-up.

{Cut back to previous scene. Suddenly, screaming is heard.}

COMMANDER BLAZE: {off-screen} OH NO!!! THREE OF OUR MOST DANGEROUS ENEMIES ARE IN OUR LAST HEADQUARTERS! WE NEED ALL OF OUR SOLDIERS IN HERE IMMEDIATELY!

DR. REYNOLDS: Let's go. We can't worry about Gunhaver now.

GUNINATOR: Word.

SPLITKNOT: Word.

{Dr. Reynolds, Guninator, and Splitknot run off-screen. Fade to black.}

Act II: Probably Unlikely Allies

{Cut to Ultramarine Laser (in his cloaked form) standing in a dark room, looking at a hologram projection.}

ULTRAMARINE LASER: Contrary to my beliefs minutes ago, this is just perfect! Gunhaver is in the same universe and at the same place where my three other targets are. Not only that, but three of my minions are inside the last Chabarg Commandos HQ, ready to destroy them once and for all. And now, I just need to have Gunhaver and the allies killed to ensure my victory. But who to use? The ASDF are... Fine, I'll go revive them. Good thing I went to cyborg school!

{Cut to a green field with the city far in a background. Far to the right is a forest, and there are a few robotic trees scattered around in the field. There's a sign that reads "Clone Drop-off Point." Near that sign are Tampo, Brody, and Stlunko.}

BRODY: So here's the spot... do we just wait?

TAMPO: I guess.

{Suddenly a floating, multicolored, miniature "black hole" appears in midair near the trio. Gunhaver drops out and the portal disappears. Gunhaver gets up and looks around at the robotic forest. He hasn't noticed the boss trio yet.}

GUNHAVER: Okay... I have no idea where I am.

BRODY: That doesn't look like a clone.

{Gunhaver looks surprised and turns around and faces the boss trio in fear and awe, as they are huge in comparison.}

GUNHAVER: {nervous} Uh... who are you?

TAMPO: Tell us who you are first.

GUNHAVER: Well, I'm the leader of my Cheat Commando squad. Did you guys bring me here?

BRODY: {squints from up high} You look like a bug.

GUNHAVER: I'm not a bug!

STLUNKO: We did not bring you here. Are you here to attack us?

GUNHAVER: What? No! Of course not.

TAMPO: Eh, I don't think you could hurt us anyway.

BRODY: You are a weird looking bug. Like a yellow, spotted slug. With arms and clothes.

GUNHAVER: {looks up at Brody} Can you be quiet, Big Bird? {faces Tampo and Stlunko again} Hey, do you guys know where I am? I'd like to get home.

STLUNKO: You are in the outskirts of Challenge City of Planet K. It is currently the year 20X6 of the J05H-ooa universe.

TAMPO: Doesn't get much more exact than that.

GUNHAVER: Oh. Great. Got any transdimensional transports or something?

BRODY: Nope. Not nearby. And I think they're expensive anyway.

GUNHAVER: That stinks. {pause} Did you hear that?

TAMPO: Hear what?

KILLER RED: {offscreen} I'm Killer Red!

{A large blast of fire flies from offscreen and barely misses Tampo, who quickly moves away. Killer Red, dressed in red robotic body armor jumps out from where the blast came from and fires another blast from his hand, once again barely missing Tampo.}

TAMPO: {scared} Eep!

KILLER BLUE: {offscreen} I'm Killer Blue!

{Right after this happens, a nearby tree in the background freezes into light blue ice. It shatters into ice sharts that go flying at Brody and Gunhaver who jump out of the way just in time. Killer Blue, dressed in blue robotic body armor, is standing where the tree used to be.}

BRODY: {scared} Aah!

{A blast of green leaves blows into the background, and when it passes, Killer Green (with the green version of the aforementioned armor) is standing there.}

KILLER GREEN: And I'm Killer Green!

{He lifts his arms as a chunk of earth is ripped from the ground and is sent flying into the air. Then Killer Green shoots wind at the chunk of earth, ripping it into tiny shreds which fly at Stlunko and hit him against the visor.}

STLUNKO: {monotone} Oop.

{Tampo, Brody, and Gunhaver look at Stlunko weirdly.}

STLUNKO: What?

{Cut to Killer Red, Blue and Green in front of a white background with the text "ASDF" in red, blue and green jagged text.}

ALL THREE: AND WE ARE THE ACTION SQUAD DESTRUCTION FORCE!!!

{Cut back to the field. Tampo, Brody, Stlunko and Gunhaver are facing the ASDF.}

KILLER RED: ...and you three just fell into our trap.

KILLER GREEN: And how nice of you to stop by, Gunhaver. Now we'll get to eliminate you along with them!

{Killer Red, Blue and Green fire blasts of fire, ice and wind at the boss trio and Gunhaver.}

BRODY: Run!!

{Brody starts running into the forest as a blast of wind hits Tampo and sends him flying offscreen in that direction. Killer Red and Blue follow them, shooting out fire and ice beams from their hands. Killer Green stays behind and starts blasting Stlunko with wind.}

STLUNKO: {ignoring Killer Green} I suppose I should follow them.

GUNHAVER: {climbing up Stlunko's back} Don't... ugh... forget me.

{Killer Green blows some dirt and grass at Stlunko to no avail.}

KILLER GREEN: This isn't fair!

{Stlunko turns around and zooms into the woods after the other four, Gunhaver riding on him. He moves fast, but running over and crushing robotic trees slows him down a bit. Killer Green lifts some dirt up from underneath him by wind and starts riding it, following Stlunko and Gunhaver. He sends blasts of wind at Stlunko along the way.}

{Cut to a quickly moving scene in the forest. Brody is running pass, dodging trees left and right. The forest is quite tall at this point, and his head is below the canopy. As he advances pass the screen, Killer Blue is visible following him, riding a stream of ice. As he goes, he freezes smaller trees and sends ice shards flying at Brody, who barely dodges them.}

{In the background during this scene, you can see that Tampo has caught up to Brody and is quickly dodging blasts of flame while moving. When Killer Red comes into view, you can see he is pointing one hand backwards, releasing a stream of fire behind him and shooting him forward like a rocket. He is using his free hand to shoot fire blasts at the dodging Tampo.}

{After they pass, we see Stlunko moving through the forest, knocking down the robotic trees, which slows him down a little bit. Gunhaver is riding on him and holding on to his antenna so as not to fall off. Killer Green is still in following them on the wind-carried ground, shooting out wind blasts at Stlunko to no avail.}

STLUNKO: Wait a second. {suddenly stops moving}

KILLER GREEN: What the-? Ahhhh!!!

{Killer Green smashes into Stlunko's back and gets knocked unconscious, falling upon the forest floor.}

STLUNKO: We are about to run out of the jammer's range.

GUNHAVER: We got him! C'mon big robot, let's go get those other two ASDF guys.

STLUNKO: {ignoring Gunhaver, yelling} Tampo! Brody! Stop! You are about to...

{The camera makes a very speedy pan forward back to Tampo and Brody running from Killer Red and Blue. Suddenly everything freezes for a moment, and then Tampo and Brody crash to the ground, cringing in pain. Killer Red and Blue stop attacking and go up to them.}

KILLER RED: Just as Master Ultramarine Laser said... unable to leave the area.

KILLER BLUE: Where's Killer Green?

KILLER RED: We can't wait for him right now. Let's lock these two up in our secret underground lair. We'll catch up with Green and get their robot friend and that Gunhaver character later.

{Killer Red creates a large firey dome around the four. Suddenly ice starts forming in parts and the fire hardens into rock. Then it crumbles into a large pile, and the four are gone. Stlunko rolls up with Gunhaver on him. Stlunko is careful to not go too far.}

STLUNKO: I was too late.

GUNHAVER: Hey, that green guy back there got knocked out. Maybe we should, you know, capture him as a hostage...

STLUNKO: Yes, that would be a good idea.

{Stlunko turns around and starts to head back to where they left Killer Green.}

STLUNKO: For future reference, my name is Stlunko.

GUNHAVER: Oh. Stuh-lunko... Mine's Gunhaver.

{They leave the scene. Fade to black.}

{Cut to a field away from the forest. Stlunko and Gunhaver are standing over the body of Killer Green, who finally starts coming to. Stlunko grabs him with his large fist.}

KILLER GREEN: {disoriented} Where am I? {notices Stlunko} You! {struggling} Let... me... go... or... else! Gah... {stops strugging}

STLUNKO: Or else what?

GUNHAVER: You'll blow on him?

KILLER GREEN: {breaks an arm free} I'm not scared of you!

{He points his arm at Gunhaver and quickly sends a blast of air at Gunhaver, causing him to get blown away.}

STLUNKO: I cannot have you behaving like that. You are currently my captive, and I need your help.

KILLER GREEN: Why should I help you?! {points at Stlunko, sending a blast of air at him, but not effecting him} Ugh... you just wait until I get my upgrades! Then you'll be sorry!

STLUNKO: Upgrades? You are using some sort of mechanism?

KILLER GREEN: Huh?

{Gunhaver reenters the scene.}

GUNHAVER: Alright Stlunko, let's get back to business so you can rescue your friends and then get me back home.

STLUNKO: Okay. {starts sqeezing Killer Green} You will show us where your two friends took Tampo and Brody.

KILLER GREEN: {pained} Okay! Okay! They're- they're- that way. Underground. In our... old hideout... {points}

STLUNKO: Good. {stops squeezing as hard} Let us go, Gunhaver.

{They leave in the direction Killer Green pointed. Pan to a large rock with tall grass and a few robotic trees in front of it. Stlunko walks up holding Killer Green. Gunhaver follows close behind.}

KILLER GREEN: Here's the entrance. Can I go now?

STLUNKO: No.

{Stlunko uses his free hand to push the grass and trees out of the way, uprooting them. This reveals a passage in the rock. It looks big enough for Tampo to fit in, but not Stlunko.}

STLUNKO: Okay, allow me to take a brief sonar scan. {emits a few quiet sound pulses} Killer Red and Killer Blue are in there, and Tampo and Brody. They appear to be conscious, but trapped in a forcefield. Gunhaver, you have a gun, right?

GUNHAVER: Uh... yep.

STLUNKO: Good. I located a small ventilation shaft nearby. {points} Head that way and climb down it. There is a forcefield generator inside the cave. You need to shoot it. I will get Killer Red and Killer Blue out of the cave.

GUNHAVER: If it'll help me get the heck out of here, sure.

{Gunhaver walks into the cave. He sees a metal grate on the wall some inches above him.}

GUNHAVER: This height is kinda convenient.

{Gunhaver jumps and grabs onto the grate. Then he falls onto the ground with the detached grate with him.}

STLUNKO: {off-screen} Do not forget to use something like your jacket to silence the bullet.

GUNHAVER: Yeah, yeah. Anyway, that was kinda suspiciously easy. This might be a trap.

{Pause.}

GUNHAVER: Okay. Maybe it's not.

{Gunhaver jumps and grabs onto the ventilation shaft. After lifting himself in, he starts crawling. Cut to a circular room where Killer Red and Killer Blue are keeping Tampo and Brody captive. The unconscious Tampo and Brody are squished inside small green forcefields. A forcefield generator is seen.}

KILLER RED: Ah, even in the past, our headquarters is still useful and cool.

KILLER BLUE: Yeah. Too bad it still smells like lava. I assume that this used to be part of that one Lava Zone. I say I should freeze that place.

KILLER RED: Go ahead. Just as long as it doesn't interfere with our plan.

KILLER BLUE: Why can't we just kill Tampo and Brody right now? Their deaths are inevitable anyway.

KILLER RED: Well, since we're professional assassins, we want to scare the craxap out of our victims and make them miserable before they get killed. I just wish that this Saargtsson didn't have to put ventilation shafts in here.

{Right when Killer Red says "ventilation shafts", a metal grate on a wall is removed from its place and put in the ventilation shaft.}

KILLER BLUE: Yeah. I agree. Any minute, somebody can go and sneak into this place without our notice.

{Right when Killer Blue says "somebody can go and sneak into this place", Gunhaver falls out of the ventilation shaft and lands on the floor. Killer Red and Killer Blue do not take notice.}

KILLER BLUE: You think Killer Green caught his prey yet?

KILLER GREEN: {off-screen} Killer Red! Killer Blue! I got the last one right out here! I'd like backup!

KILLER RED: That answers your question. Let's go!

{Killer Red and Killer Blue run off. Grunts and shooting fire and ice can be heard off-screen. Gunhaver gets up from the floor.}

GUNHAVER: {dizzily} Whoa. What a nasty fall.

{Inside the forcefields, Tampo and Brody wake up.}

TAMPO: {disoriented} Ugh, I feel rather sick, and cramped.

BRODY: You shouldn't complain!

GUNHAVER: Oh, right. The generator.

TAMPO: {disoriented} Who said that?

{Gunhaver walks to the forcefield generator. He gets out his gun (a modern one, not the pistol he regularily uses), aims it at the generator, and shoots a bullet, creating a very loud gunshot.}

GUNHAVER: Oh crap! I forgot to silence this! Why didn't Stlunko warn me???

BRODY: {angrily} Um, I'm pretty sure he did.

TAMPO: {normally} Well, this sucks very much.

{Suddenly, the forcefield surrounding Tampo and Brody quickly fade away, relieving Tampo and Brody from their cramped prisons, although Brody hits his head on the cave's ceiling due to his size, which forces Brody to contract his legs and neck.}

TAMPO: We're free!

BRODY: Thanks a lot, weird, little, yellow bug!

KILLER RED: {off-screen} Hold it right there!

{The ASDF run onscreen.}

KILLER BLUE: You're not going to go anywhere!

TAMPO: RUN!!!

{Tampo and Brody fly/run off-screen past the ASDF.}

KILLER GREEN: Huh. Never expected that. We just expected them to fight instead of...

KILLER RED: {to Killer Green} Shut up! {to Gunhaver} As for you, you're going to get what we meant to do to you, Tampo, and Brody combined!

KILLER RED: It is time for us to complete our mission!

GUNHAVER: Oh man! What I need is a deus ex machina!

{Suddenly, a multicolored "black hole" appears, sucks Gunhaver in, and disappears.}

KILLER BLUE: Craxap.

KILLER RED: At least we can still kill the boss trio. Come on!

{The ASDF run off-screen.}

Act III: Finally, the Counterattack

{Cut to the Chabarg Commandos HQ, where the Chabarg Commandos are battling Carteen, Fhqwhgads, and the Evil Machine in a room with tables and holographic computers. To be more specific, the Chabarg Commandos who are fighting are Guninator, Dr. Reynolds, Flama, and Strident Spy because the Evil Machine (named Gamma Stan) is projecting a shield at the only passageway into this room, preventing the other Chabarg Commandos from entering. Cut to Guninator facing Fhqwhgads. Dr. Reynolds is at a holographic computer, typing on a holographic keyboard.}

GUNINATOR: Really Fhqwhgads, what was the point of spending years with us if you actually worked for Ultramarine Laser?

FHQWHGADS: Um, everyone knows why. It's because I'm a spy who is crucial for Master Ultramarine Laser to...

{Suddenly, a multicolored black hole appears over Fhqwhgads. Gunhaver falls out of the black hole and onto Fhqwhgads, knocking her onto the ground, unconcscious.}

GUNHAVER: Whoa! What a way to drop in on the party! Get it? {laughs weakly}

{A weak rimshot is heard.}

GUNINATOR: Yeah, anyway, nice aiming, Dr. Reynolds.

DR. REYNOLDS: Yeah. It turns out that transporting Gunhaver here at this time turned out better than I thought. Now what should we do with her?

GUNINATOR: Uh, burn her?

GUNHAVER: Uh, guys? Don't tell me I'm left in the dark AGAIN!

DR. REYNOLDS: Um... we're being attacked by...

{Just then, a large energy ball is aimed at Gunhaver. Guninator pushes Gunhaver out of the way off-screen to prevent any of them to get hit by the energy ball. Pan left to reveal Gunhaver and Guninator on the floor. Carteen is seen in the foreground, facing them.}

CARTEEN: Ah, Gunhaver. Nice of you to join in on the fray.

GUNHAVER: It doesn't look so nice.

CARTEEN: {sighs} You have gotten on my nerves and escaped from death by my hands for the last time!

{Guninator stands up.}

GUNINATOR: You won't get to him without me!

{Suddenly, a mechanical arm grabs Guninator and contracts. Pan right to reveal Gamma Stan with Guninator in its grip.}

GAMMA STAN: No. I'm afraid that's not possible. I've always wanted the urge to kill you.

GUNINATOR: But, you're a machine.

EVIL MACHINE: I'm not JUST a machine! I am GAMMA STAN!

GUNINATOR: Oh just shut up and get on with the fight already! But first, let me go onto the floor.

{Gamma Stan forcefully throws Guninator onto the floor.}

{Cut back to Gunhaver facing Carteen.}

GUNHAVER: Well, I guess that it's just between us then!

{Suddenly, Strident Spy jumps at Carteen with a glowing knife. Carteen reacts to this by spinning around and striking Strident Spy's face with a glowing hand. Then Carteen lifts Strident Spy in the air and sends him flying into a wall, knocking him unconscious.}

CARTEEN: You see, Gunhaver? My powers are too extreme for you. You might as well give up now.

GUNHAVER: I would, but that would be boring.

CARTEEN: That is true, but, really, fighting you would be a waste of time. Every time we've fought against each other, you were always going to lose when some deus ex machina comes along and saves your butt at the last minute! Now, there will be no interruptions.

GUNHAVER: Really? Cause I think that the last time we've fought, I was on the high...

CARTEEN: That didn't count. It was all because of that infernal Commander Blaze.

COMMANDER BLAZE: {off-screen and faint} I HEARD THAT!

CARTEEN: Whatever. Now let's FIGHT!

{Some tense music begins to play as we cut to shots of Gunhaver and Carteen. Then they jump at each other. Carteen shoots a beam at Gunhaver, sending him flying into a wall. He quickly recovers, gets out his pistol, and shoots three bullets at Carteen. Carteen simply raises a hand to stop the bullets in mid-air. Then the bullets start glowing as they start spinning and start growing larger. Then Carteen flicks his hand to make the spinning discs fly at Gunhaver. Gunhaver rolls out of the way to dodge one disc that flies into a wall. The other two chase after him. Gunhaver runs to a wall, jumps to it above the floor, and jumps off to make the two discs fly and embed themselves into the wall.}

GUNHAVER: Hah! I just beat your cheap...

{Carteen raises a hand, and suddenly, the discs embedded in the walls fly out and fly at Gunhaver, sending him flying into the air before he lands on the ground.}

GUNHAVER: {pained} Man! That was really cheap!

CARTEEN: Not as cheap as this.

{Carteen gets out a glowing mallet. Then the mallet extends and swerves before it strikes a fleeing Gunhaver at the back of his head, sending him flying into a wall.}

{Cut to Guninator and Gamma Stan fighting. They keep on shooting blaster shots, plasma energy balls, and beams at each other to no avail. Then Gamma Stan produces spikes from his limbs and spins around rapidly. Then he spins towards Guninator, who keeps on blasting Gamma Stan. However, the spinning Gamma Stan is constantly deflecting the shots. Then Gamma Stan's spikes begin to charge electricity, creating a lot of noise. Dr. Reynolds is still on the holographic computer.}

DR. REYNOLDS: {shouting} Guninator, get out of the way! This attack has 1,999,999,999,000,000 volts that can kill you in one hit! Of course, that might be different for a cyborg like you, but still!

GUNINATOR: {shouting} What did you say???

{Then the spinning Gamma Stan shoots all of its elecricity and spikes at Guninator, creating an explosion. When the smoke clears, Guninator's burnt body is seen by the wall, all of his cyborgian upgrades frying and malfunctioning.}

GUNINATOR: {mechanical voice} Ar... Ar... Ar... Ar... Ar... Ar... Ar...

{Cut to Dr. Reynolds.}

DR. REYNOLDS: Oh craxap! He's 97.94% dead!

{Dr. Reynolds furiously types on the keyboard.}

DR. REYNOLDS: I have no choice. I need to give Guninator the "Trump Card" upgrades in order to save his life, no matter what the outcome may be!

{Cut to Gunhaver running away from Carteen. Carteen merely raises a hand and swings it over his shoulder, sending Gunhaver flying over Carteen's shoulder and into another wall by telekinetic force.}

GUNHAVER: {off-screen} Crap! Why do I always have to fight the cheapest of the cheap?

{Then Carteen turns around and floats into the air, spreading his arms wide.}

CARTEEN: That's only the beginning. What I'm about to give you will redefine murder and catastrophe and...

GUNHAVER: {off-screen} Shut up with the Reynold talk.

CARTEEN: Fine. Then I will show you my deadliest attack ever that Master Ultramarine Laser has taught me.

{Tense music starts to play as Carteen's "hands" start to charge up energy. Carteen's face also starts glowing, as well as the rest of his fiery body. Soon, wind forms around him as he starts to gather electricity and fire.}

CARTEEN: THIS MOVE IS CALLED...

{Suddenly, a black, cloaked figure strikes from above at Carteen, sending him falling onto the floor. Then he conjures nunchucks that look like they have been made by shadows. Then he whacks Carteen with them rapidly until Carteen is enveloped in shadow. Then he jumps off and faces Gunhaver.}

CLOAKED FIGURE: Okay I hope you are.

GUNHAVER: I was never introduced to you, but I can tell that you are Firebert's descendant, right?

FLAMA: Right, you are.

GUNHAVER: Your speaking skills suck! Plus, you took away a chance for me to defeat Carteen by myself, AGAIN!

{Flama gets a depressed look.}

{Cut to Dr. Reynolds furiously typing on the holographic keyboard.}

DR. REYNOLDS: Come on! Come on!

MECHANICAL VOICE: Download initiated. 0.0000001% downloaded.

DR. REYNOLDS: {happily} YES and {frustrated} CRAXAP!

{Suddenly, a mechanical arm grabs him around the neck. Then he is thrown onto a pile of upturned tables.}

DR. REYNOLDS: Ow. That's DEFINITELY going to be a big bruise.

{Then Gamma Stan walks toward the holographic computer and looks at the screen.}

GAMMA STAN: I see. Trying to set up a weapon to use against me, eh?

MECHANICAL VOICE: Proximity level with danger and/or enemy/enemies nearby. Download initiated for beta version of "Trump Card". 98.9999999% downloaded.

GAMMA STAN: Well, that's kind of conv... hey, wait a minute!

{Suddenly, there's a flash of light. Cut to Guninator, who has several new cyborgian upgrades, like three mechanical arms (the fourth being his actual, but burnt arm), energy spikes protruding out of his body, and many other attachments.}

GUNINATOR: You messed with the Chakillareet. Now here comes the spikes!

{Guninator flies at Gamma Stan and starts punching the screen with Gamma Stan's face with his several limbs and spikes, scaring the crap about of Gamma Stan before the screen cracks. Then Guninator flies off of Gamma Stan and shoots all sorts of projectile weapons at Gamma Stan, sending him flying into a wall. Then Guninator shoots fire, ice, electricty, and energy beams out of his many weapons at Gamma Stan, causing the machine to blow up.}

GUNINATOR: Take THAT, ya morice!

DR. REYNOLDS: {feebly and off-screen} Ugh... Guninator, can you keep it down? I'm trying to recollect my thoughts and try not to think about my lost brain cells and the cells that are currently dividing to heal my many injuries.

GUNINATOR: Always the same, eh?

{Cut to a conference room, where Commander Blaze, Dr. Reynolds, Guninator (some of his new upgrades have retreated to inside his body), Flama, some lieutenants, and Gunhaver are seated around a round table. There is a hologram projector in the middle of the table. Guninator and Dr. Reynolds have bandages on.}

COMMANDER BLAZE: Well, lieutenants, a Chabarg Commando, doctor, and Gunhaver, once again, we have just been attacked by three of Ultramarine Laser's best minions and still came out strong, despite the circumstances.

GUNINATOR: Yeah. You guys finally gave me the Trump Card upgrade, which you denied to give me for years now.

COMMANDER BLAZE: Yes, and now, the time has come. We are going to have our final battle against Ultramarine Laser.

{The lieutenants gasp.}

A LIEUTENANT: But sir! We were left in the dark! We don't know what the craxap you're talking about!

COMMANDER BLAZE: You're fired.

{Cut to outside the conference room, where the fired lieutenant is literally thrown out of the room and into a wall. Cut back to the conference room.}

COMMANDER BLAZE: Any stupid questions like the one asked a few seconds ago? {pause} All right then. Doctor, will you fill them in on the plan?

{Dr. Reynolds presses on something on his palm, making the hologram projector send out different holograms of Ultramarine Laser's castle.}

DR. REYNOLDS: Well, after our last attack, which involved a kidnap, the death of the Action Squad Destruction Force...

GUNHAVER: {interrupting} They're not dead! They attacked me in 20X6!

DR. REYNOLDS: Charming. Anyway, that last attack has damaged Ultramarine Laser's stronghold, whether anyone would believe that or not. His DNA cannons were destroyed by a fight between Gunhaver and Ultramarine Laser's minions in the last mission; Gunhaver, a useful asset...

GUNHAVER: {interrupting} Asset???

DR. REYNOLDS: {sighs} As I was saying, along with the fact Gunhaver's here, Guninator has finally received cyborgian upgrades; Ultramarine Laser has no more elite minions, assuming that the Action Squad Destruction Force are dead...

{Gunhaver opens his mouth to speak, but Commander Blaze and the lieutenants raise their fists and glare at Gunhaver. He closes his mouth.}

DR. REYNOLDS: ...and interestingly, Flama has told me that he has finally reached the highest level of his "chiki", which is...

{Cut to the following time card.}

{Cut back to the conference room, where all but one of the lieutenants are asleep.}

DR. REYNOLDS: ...which was why he was able to conjure the Spiritual Nunchucks, which are very useful assets. Any questions?

LIEUTENTANT: Y'know, you should stop it with your stupid, useless lectures.

DR. REYNOLDS: Anyway, another reason why we should attack Ultramarine Laser now is because of this "prediction" Ripper-Wan Kenobi — an elite Chabarg Commando in Class A, led by Lieutenant Guninator — made. He stated that the war between us and Ultramarine Laser is going to end.

GUNINATOR: Wasn't there a second part?

DR. REYNOLDS: Well, I don't know anything I never witnessed and was never told by a reliable source!

COMMANDER BLAZE: Trust me. The second part was just nonsense. He just said the universe is going to end.

{The lieutenants (all of them are awake again) laugh.}

DR. REYNOLDS: Please don't make this meeting longer than it should. I have a feeling we are timed here. Especially since I just got a report from Spy-Probe #4X that the Ultramarine Underlings are celebrating. They can only be celebrating for two reasons: Either we have lost the war, or Ultramarine Laser has finally reached his full power, meaning he can create mass destruction and destroy the universe or modify it to fit his own wants.

{Silence. Meanwhile, the holograms change while Dr. Reynold speaks from here.}

DR. REYNOLDS: So in a way, Ripper-Wan's prediction may be 100% true, but that has never been the case. Anyway, we should attack now. However, Ultramarine Laser has made attempts to increase his security. Basically, he made a shield that surrounds the perimeter of the castle and more. The plan starts here. Gunhaver will destroy the shield generator...

GUNHAVER: {interrupting} WHAT???

DR. REYNOLDS: ...because of his size. Ripper-Wan will be his bodyguard. After the shield is gone, providing that Gunhaver is successful, we, as in the entire army of commandos, go in and fight Ultramarine Laser's army. After the defenses are weakened, Guninator and/or Flama will fight Ultramarine Laser, for currently, they are the strongest commandos we have. Any questions?

GUNHAVER: Yes. Can I go to the bathroom?

DR. REYNOLDS: {sighs} Commandos. Let me tell you this. Our final battle is easier said than done.

{Cut to Ultramarine Laser's castle grounds. As always, everything is dark and gloomy. A blue shuttle flies and lands in front of a small, square-shaped building. After its door is opened, two Ultramarine Underlings jump out. One of them is small and has a big nose (Underling #1) while the other looks like every other average underling (Underling #2). As they walk towards the building, they pass by two Ultramarine Underlings (Underlings #3 and #4).}

UNDERLING #2: Hey Underlings who are code named... {pause} Stetho and Haro.

UNDERLING #3: {to Underling #2} Hey Underling who is code named Ebert.

UNDERLING #4: {to Underling #1} Hey Underling who is code named Big Nose.

{Then they walk past each other. Cut to Underling #1 and #2.}

UNDERLING #2: Ebert???

UNDERLING #1: I have a big nose???

{Cut to Underlings #3 and #4.}

UNDERLING #3: He has a big nose???

{Cut to Underlings #1 and #2 in front of the building. Underling #2 shows a card in front of a circular censor on a wall, opening the door.}

UNDERLING #2: All right, Gunhaver, I disabled this building's security and opened the door with this Hack Card, but this is temporary. You have three minutes, tops.

GUNHAVER: I can do it in four.

RIPPER-WAN: Uh, the limit is three.

GUNHAVER: Oh... right.

{Gunhaver (still dressed up as an Underling) enters the building while Ripper-Wan stands by the door and keeps watch. Cut to inside the building, where Gunhaver gets out a blaster and sees the shield generator. The shield generator is a platform with spikes that surround a shining, floating ball of energy. There is a pillar next to the generator with a hologram projector and a keypad.}

{Cut to Underlings #3 and #4, who walk towards Underlings #5 and #6, who look exactly like the disguised Gunhaver and Ripper-Wan.}

UNDERLING #6: Hey Underlings who are code named Stetho and Haro.

UNDERLING #3: {to Underling #6} Hey Underling who is code named Ebert.

UNDERLING #4: {to Underling #5} Hey Underling who is code named Big Nose.

{As they walk past each other, Underlings #3 and #4 freeze in their tracks.}

UNDERLING #3: Wait a minute...

UNDERLING #4: Raise the alarms. NOW!

{Cut to inside the shield generator building. Gunhaver shoots a silenced blaster shot at the pillar with the keypad and hologram projector by the shield generator. After a few seconds, the shield generator starts fading.}

RIPPER-WAN: {whispering off-screen} Hurry! You have one minute left!

GUNHAVER: {whispering} A minute didn't even pass yet!

{Suddenly, alarms are blared as blue lights flash. Hologram projectors of an Ultramarine Underling Admin appear all around the castle grounds.}

UNDERLING ADMIN HOLOGRAMS: Attention all Underlings! There are intruders in the Shield Generator Building! The intruders are coded red! All Underlings report to the building immediately!

{Cut to the shield generator building, where metal doors close right before Gunhaver can get out, forcing Gunhaver to run into the doors.}

GUNHAVER: Crap. I'm going to need a chiropractor for my nose after this is over.

{Cut to outside the building, where Ripper-Wan looks around frantically. Cut to his point of view, which shows that a very large number of Ultramarine Underlings have surrounded around him.}

UNDERLING ADMIN: We have you surrounded Chabarg Commando scum! Put your hands on your hips and stay in that position until we can arrange approrpriate prison arrangements for you!

{Cut to Ripper-Wan.}

RIPPER-WAN: In your dreams!

{Fast, action music starts playing as Ripper-Wan runs to the Ultramarine Underlings, gets out his lightsaber, ignites it, and jumps at the army of underlings, screaming. Cut to Ripper-Wan furiously slashing, kicking, punching, and jumping quickly. All around the "screen", Ultramarine Underlings can be seen. Suddenly, the action music stops as we zoom out, revealing that Ripper-Wan is by himself. He turns his head to see the Ultramarine Underlings running towards the castle. He turns his head the other way to see millions and millions of Chabarg Commandos, ships, and other means of transportation running/flying towards the castle. Cut to Ripper-Wan.}

RIPPER-WAN: Way to go. You always come when I'm about to have fun with action!

{A metallic clang is heard.}

GUNHAVER: {from inside building} Hey! Ripper-Wan! Get me out this instant!

{Fade to black.}

Act IV: Easier Said than Done

{Cut to Ultramarine Laser's castle grounds, where there is a very massive battle between the Chabarg Commandos and Ultramarine Laser's army. There are ships, weapons, shouts, fire, lasers, energy balls, and death everywhere. Cut to inside Ultramarine Laser's castle, where Ultramarine Laser is watching this on a screen while drinking a highball. Suddenly, Ultramarine Laser crushes the glass in his hand.}

ULTRAMARINE LASER: {growls} This isn't right! My reaching my full power is being spoiled by this! I never thought they'd attack too soon! Those five useless things I used to call minions have failed! Well, if they ever come back to me, I'll be sure to relegate them! {calms down} Of course, it doesn't matter. The battle will still be in favor for me. I do have omniscience, destructive powers, and dimensional powers. I can end this whenever I want. The war ends today.

{Cut to the battle, where an Ultramarine Laser ship kamikazes into an already weakened Chabarg Commando flagship, forcing it to fall onto the ground and explode, creating even more damage to both sides. Cut to Ripper-Wan and Gunhaver running through the battle, slicing and shooting at anything blue they see.}

GUNHAVER: Man, I have to admit. This is more intense than anything back at home!

{Suddenly, the largest Chabarg Commando flagship lands in front of them. A door opens before Ripper-Wan and a surprised Gunhaver are sucked in. Cut to inside the flagship, where Guninator, Commander Blaze, and Dr. Reynolds are standing in front of the two new arrivals.}

COMMANDER BLAZE: Congratulations. You have succeeded on your mission and allowed us to have this conflict. Now get armed and moving! We need everyone we have in the fray NOW!

GUNHAVER: What??? I just nearly got my butt fried more than thrice!

COMMANDER BLAZE: Good. It equals good exercise. Now get moving!

{Cut to outside the flagship, where Gunhaver and Ripper-Wan are now in Chabarg Commando speeder, blasting and slicing at anything they see.}

{Cut to Splitknot, Disputant Rogue, Strident Spy, and Flama fighting several Ultramarine Underlings, blue vehicles, and very large blue robots. Suddenly, a hologram projector on Flama's wrist projects a hologram of Commander Blaze.}

COMMANDER BLAZE: Flama. What in Cornbread's name are you doing in the middle of the fray like that? We need you! Come back into the main flagship right...

{Suddenly, the robots, speeders, flagships, and ships shoot missiles at the largest Chabarg Commando flagship, which is firing back at its attackers with missiles, energy balls, and lasers. A part of the flagship breaks off, falls, and lands where Strident Spy, Disputant Rogue, Splitknot, and Flama are battling, creating a large explosion. Cut to the aftermath of the explosion, where an injured Flama can be seen lying on the remains of the Ultramarine Laser robots, gasping for air.}

{Cut to inside the remains of the flagship, where Guninator is by a door and Dr. Reynolds is on a holographic computer. The technicians and pilots in the backgrounds are feverently working to make sure the rest of the flagship won't go down.}

DR. REYNOLDS: This is really bad. Flama is down.

GUNINATOR: That's it. I'm going out.

DR. REYNOLDS: NO! You can't...

{Guninator opens the door and runs to a large room with several ships. He gets into one and prepares to launch when he realizes something.}

GUNINATOR: Craxap! I forgot that since the flagship's damaged, the ships can't be charged and prepared for...

{Suddenly, there's a very violent judder as all of the ships in the room break out of the flagship, fall, and explode on the ground. Guninator manages to jump out of his ship before impact and lands on the ground safely. Then he begins running, shooting several projectiles all around him, creating explosions and destruction. Suddenly, a speeder stops in front of him and opens to reveal Ripper-Wan and Gunhaver.}

RIPPER-WAN: Need a ride?

{Cut to Ultramarine Laser's castle's entrance, where the speeder flies to a landing platform by the walkway to the entrance. Everything is quiet and calm here, for the battle's far away from here now. The speeder opens as Guninator gets out.}

GUNHAVER: You sure you don't need help?

GUNINATOR: I'm sure. Facing Ultramraine Laser alone is like suicide. Only I can take him on now.

RIPPER-WAN: Good luck.

{Guninator walks to the doors of Ultramarine Laser's castle, which he blasts open with an energy ball. Then he walks inside the castle's foyer, where he stops walking.}

GUNINATOR: Ultramarine Laser. You spared me the effort in looking around the castle looking for you.

{Pan right to reveal Ultramarine Laser is standing at the end of the large, empty foyer. He is still hooded.}

ULTRAMARINE LASER: Ah, Guninator. Nice of you to come. I was expecting you.

GUNINATOR: Yeah, I know. Dr. Reynolds told me you have gained some psycho powers.

ULTRAMARINE LASER: Psychic powers. But nonetheless, you won't understand. You just want to kill me, am I right?

GUNINATOR: Enough with the talk... but... take your hood off. It's no use concealing your identity by this while fighting. Besides. Your hideous face is bound to be revealed to the world either when you win or lose.

ULTRAMARINE LASER: In due time, my mortal enemy. In due time.

{Ultramarine Laser and Guninator proceed to fight each other by shooting their projectiles at each other. Guninator uses energy balls, energy beams, fire, ice, electricity, and spikes. Ultramarine Laser uses multicolored beams, multicolored flames, water, telekinesis, and teleportation. They battle each other on the ground and in the air and there are times when Guninator is winning or when Ultramarine Laser is winning. Soon, the battle comes to a close when Guninator shoots a charged shot of every single one of his attacks combined at Ultramarine Laser, who strains as he puts his hands in front of him to reflect the attack back at Guninator, sending him flying into the wall and onto the floor. Then Ultramarine Laser lands on the ground, panting.}

ULTRAMARINE LASER: {panting} Do you know who I am?

GUNINATOR: {pained} A maniac who somehow ended up on the wrong side of political power?

{Suddenly, Ultramarine Laser (no longer exhausted) floats into the air, charging energy in his fists.}

ULTRAMARINE LASER: I AM ULTRAMARINE LASER, THE MANIPULATOR OF DIMENSIONS!

{Ultramarine Laser shoots a very large beam at Guninator. When the beam disappears, Guninator is gone.}

{Cut to Strong Bad in front of the Lappy 486 in his computer room. When he speaks, he speaks in a high-pitched voice with an Australian accent.}

STRONG BAD: And that, Jerry, is how I type with boxing gloves on.

{Cut to the whole view of the computer room, where Trevor can be seen.}

TREVOR: {with an Australian accent} And that's how I exist in the alternate version of a universe where I don't exist.

{Homestar pops in onscreen.}

HOMESTAR: {with an Australian accent} And that's how I'm who a web cartoon is named after but Strong Bad is the one with the spotlight.

{Homsar wobbles onscreen.}

HOMSAR: DaAaAaAaAaAaA!!! Hey Jibevery! I can toenails in the gravity pizza chew!

STRONG BAD: He says he's the {mockingly} Universal Headmaster, which I think is total crap. Don't you think it's total crap? I think it's total crap!

{Suddenly, Guninator appears in a flash of light.}

GUNINATOR: Oh craxap.

{Cut to Dr. Reynolds and Commander Blaze in the flagship. Dr. Reynolds is on a holographic computer (as usual) while Commander Blaze is arming himself with a variety of weapons, gadgets, and armor.}

DR. REYNOLDS: Commander, there's no use going out to battle. {sighs} He lost.

COMMANDER BLAZE: What??? Why?

DR. REYNOLDS: According to the computer, Guninator is nowhere to be found anywhere on Planet K. He seems to have left the face of the universe and landed in another.

COMMANDER BLAZE: Craxap. We can't defeat him anymore, can we?

DR. REYNOLDS: Actually, I think that my invention, the Unnamed Cyborgian Suit, should be used.

COMMANDER BLAZE: {sarcastically} Wow, what a creative name.

DR. REYNOLDS: Thanks. Unfortunately, the suit is too small for the average Chabarg, for I was low on budget at the time of inventing, so...

COMMANDER BLAZE: You're insane. Gunhaver can't fight Ultramarine Laser by himself with a metal suit!

DR. REYNOLDS: It'll be effective. It also has a camera and a eyeset for communication and learning. Trust me. This is our last hope.

COMMANDER BLAZE: Okay, then... that means I can battle outside.

{Cut to Gunhaver and Ripper-Wan standing by the speeder.}

GUNHAVER: So what are you guys going to do when the war's over?

RIPPER-WAN: Well, if we lose, we'll die. If we win... gosh, I don't know. With life going back to normal, but our normal lives seem to... depend on fighting. Jeez. I was never asked this psychological question before.

GUNHAVER: Y'know, me neither.

{Suddenly, a hologram of Dr. Reynolds appears with a box.}

DR. REYNOLDS HOLOGRAM: Gunhaver!

GUNHAVER: {shocked} Wah! Wha... Oh, it's you.

DR. REYNOLDS HOLOGRAM: Don't ask questions, take this box, put it on, don't ask questions again, and go inside Ultramarine Laser's castle and fight him.

GUNHAVER: What...

DR. REYNOLDS HOLOGRAM: I SAID NO QUESTIONS! Now put this on!

{The Dr. Reynolds hologram gives Gunhaver the box as he opens it.}

{Cut to inside the foyer of the castle, where Ultramarine Laser is spreading blue light around the foyer.}

ULTRAMARINE LASER: I do want to keep this place clean from that last battle, just in case...

GUNHAVER: {off-screen} Okay, creepy cloaked man, I think I have a chance in beating you!

ULTRAMARINE LASER: Really, you do amuse me, Gunhaver, upgrades or no upgrades.

{Cut to the blasted front doors of the castle, where cyborgian-Gunhaver can be seen. He is wearing robotic armor, four arms (two arms are cannons), an arm that has a sword at the end, and a metallic claw on his last arm), wings, legs, a helmet, and a visor. Cut to a view where Gunhaver and Ultramarine Laser can be seen at once.}

GUNHAVER: Um, well, I don't know what they do.

{Cut to Gunhaver's POV, where Dr. Reynold's image can be seen on the visor.}

DR. REYNOLDS: Don't worry. I'll control you while you fight. Maybe this'll be like a video game. Of course, I never played one, but...

GUNHAVER: {whispering} Shut up.

ULTRAMARINE LASER: Oh? You have the nerve to tell me to shut up? Well, do you know who I am?

GUNHAVER: I'm not really that interested.

ULTRAMARINE LASER: Oh, you will be.

{Cut to a view of Ultramarine Laser grabbing his hood. Dramatic music plays as he pulls it off. Suddenly, an afro that has been compressed in the hood decompresses while his shades give off a glint. Cut to Gunhaver, who gasps.}

GUNHAVER: YOU!

ULTRAMARINE LASER: Yes, it is I... CARTEEN SRAVEN!

{Ultramarine Laser, who is an older, but still recognizable version of Carteen, floats in the air as he laughs maniacally.}

CARTEEN: I know that you're not going to live to remember this, Gunhaver, but I'll fill you in anyway, since this is villainous tradition.

{Cut to a greyscale flashback of Carteen's robot fighting Gunhaver and the RDC robot, which has just punched Carteen's robot in the back, blowing it up. Cut to 20X5.5, where Carteen appears right when he gets blasted by Guntoshi's robot}

CARTEEN: {voiceover} I intended to bring an end to you by making The Unguraits to frame two of you. I would have won and you would have died, had it not been for that disgraceful ancestor of mine and your descendant!

{Cut to a flashback of Carteen in a metal box on a metallic slab.}

CARTEEN: {voiceover} Since I was killed, I had to save myself by bringing my past self into the future and revive hi... myself while giving him supernatural powers that would evolve into what I possess now!

{Cut to a flashback of Carteen (outside his box) shooting Gunhaver with a beam before Iron Prizefighter throws a mountain at Carteen.}

CARTEEN: {voiceover} I would have ended this with my enhanced powers when you were in the mountains, but the Chabarg Commandos had to be meddlesome and that new recruit unexpectedly beat me with physical strength. After seeing myself fail to kill you so many times, I finally sent myself into training on Planet X.

{Cut to Planet X, where Carteen is meditating. Meanwhile, a ship crashing onto the planet can be seen in the background.}

CARTEEN: {voiceover} 5 years later, I sent myself into 30X0, where I took the name Ultramarine Laser, since I'm Dark Sapphire Laser's cousin once removed, and he never had heirs.

{Cut to the cloaked and hooded Carteen standing on a raised platform in front of millions of Ultramarine Underlings. He raises his arms and all of them cheer.}

CARTEEN: {voiceover} After that, I took some of Dark Sapphire Laser's remaining technology with mine, worked in the laboratory with a scientist, cloned him to make Ultramarine Underlings, recruited the ASDF, a Chabarg Commando who had bitter feelings about her job, and then got elected to be the planet's emperor by sheer force and had the world at my mercy! Then came the accursed next generation Commandos.

{Cut to a picture of Chabarg Commandos and Ultramarine Underlings fighting.}

CARTEEN: {voiceover} We could never settle our dispute until today. But despite this, my becoming all-powerful emperor was not my primary goal. No, my primary goal was to kill you, to end our rivalry while thanking you for giving me supreme powers.

{Cut back to Carteen and Gunhaver.}

GUNHAVER: I know I shouldn't be talking, but I should, since I'm not insane, UNLIKE YOU!

CARTEEN: You should have died when you had the chance, because I'm going to give you a beating that you will still feel EVEN WHEN YOU ARE DEAD!!!

GUNHAVER: That's...

DR. REYNOLDS: {voice from visor} Don't stall. We've learned enough. Whether you die or not, now we have information against him.

GUNHAVER: Wait, whether I die or...

{Suddenly, cyborg-Gunhaver and Carteen jump at each other. Then the screen transforms into an ink-drawing of the scene. Then we cut to a scene divided into three triangles. Cyborg-Gunhaver, who looks scared as he's being forced to do something he can't control, is in one. Carteen with an evil face is seen in another. Dr. Reynolds with a video game controller is seen in the last one. Fade to black}

Act V: The Clash to End All Clashes

{Cut back to the second to last scene in Act IV. The scene goes back to normal as action music plays as cyborg-Gunhaver (or just Gunhaver) and Carteen strike at each other with metal and light. Then they land on the ground and glare at each other. Then they fight, fighting each other with projectiles made from psychic powers, missiles, energy balls, Gunhaver's claw, and his sword.}

CARTEEN: My, you sure are a spry pain in the neck!

GUNHAVER: {off-screen} What the heck does spry mean?

DR. REYNOLDS: {voice from visor} It means...

GUNHAVER: {whispering} Shut up and just let me continue fighting!

{Then Gunhaver contracts into a ball. He starts rolling as soon as he hits the ground and rolls to Carteen, who lifts out a hand to stop Gunhaver and lift him in mid-air. Then he prepares to do whatever he wants to Gunhaver when suddenly, Gunhaver breaks free from the ball position and shoots his claw at Carteen's (surprised) face. Then Gunhaver shoots a beam at Carteen, who is sent flying into a wall with the claw still on his face. Gunhaver swings his sword back as it charges up electricity. Unfortunately, Gunhaver waits a little too long, for Carteen teleports from Gunhaver's grip, appears behind him, and shoots black fire at Gunhaver. Gunhaver holds out his sword arm and uses it to absorb the fire, even though it melts after Carteen's attack stops.}

CARTEEN: This is just the beginning, and you've already lost one of your vital weapons.

GUNHAVER: Yeah? So? I hate swords.

{Gunhaver and Carteen leap at each other and continue a furious, fast-paced, but long (too long to describe) fight. They fight with Gunhaver's cyborgian weapons and Carteen's psychic powers/projectiles. Soon, the battle seems to end when Carteen teleports and Gunhaver turns around, shooting a missile right at Carteen, sending him flying into a wall, charred.}

GUNHAVER: Yes! I beat you!

{Cut to Dr. Reynolds in the flagship with the video game controller, looking exhausted, but relieved.}

DR. REYNOLDS: {pants} This is it. The end.

{Cut to Carteen and Gunhaver. Carteen is struggling to get up, but can't. Gunhaver points his gun-arms at Carteen.}

CARTEEN: Gunhaver. {laughs weakly} You can't kill me. I'm indestructible.

GUNHAVER: Yeah sure. More of the villainous nonsense. If you can find a way to get out of this mess, then I'll eat my hat!

CARTEEN: Then have a good meal! RECOVER!!!

{Carteen glows purple for two seconds. Once the light fades, all traces of injury on Carteen are gone. Carteen jumps up and uses his psychic powers to make the chandelier in the foyer quickly fall at the shocked Gunhaver, who is forced to roll out of the way by his cyborgian upgrades.}

GUNHAVER: {whispering} Oh man, he can recover??? That's the king of cheapisity!

DR. REYNOLDS: {voice from visor} That's not a word. Maybe there's a way to kill him before he gets the chance to k...

MECHANICAL VOICE: WARNING! WARNING! BATTERY LIFE IS LOW.

DR. REYNOLDS: {voice from visor} Craxap! I forgot about making this nuclear-powered instead of electrically powered by batteries!

GUNHAVER: Good job. You forget about the most vital thing.

CARTEEN: Which is all good for me.

{Carteen raises his hand in front of him, aiming it at Gunhaver. Suddenly, there are small explosions on his body as the metallic armor and weapons on him start to crumple. Soon, they tighten around Gunhaver's entire body to force Gunhaver be trapped in a ball-like position. Then Carteen charges up energy colored black in his hands.}

CARTEEN: Good-bye Gunhaver. It was fun and all, fighting you and all, but, the end is inevitable. It's just the matter of who meets the end first. I'll provide that matter with the solution right now.

{Suddenly, three laserballs are shot at Carteen, sending him flying into a wall after letting out a grunt of surprise. Carteen looks in front of him with no surprise.}

CARTEEN: Ah, of course. Despite my omniscience, I see that more things are not going as planned. You have survived, Tampo.

{Cut to Tampo, wearing a headset with antenna brimming with electricity, floats into the room.

GUNHAVER: {from his "armor"} All right. Kick Carteen's butt!

TAMPO: Carteen??? I thought he was Ultramarine Laser.

GUNHAVER: {from his "armor"} Same thing.

{So, Tampo firmly glares at Carteen while the electricity starts to charge for an attack.}

TAMPO: {with a slight echo in his voice} Carteen, I am not Tampo. I am a bounty hunter here to kill Gunhaver.

CARTEEN: But you are not a bounty hunter. You are some brain I know about from a prophecy. Also, I will kill Gunhaver.

TAMPO: {with a stronger echo in his voice} I am a bounty hunter who you have never met before. Also, I will be the one with the honor to kill Gunhaver.

CARTEEN: {sighs} I guess you are a bounty hunter I have never met before. But I swear that my omniscience is telling me something.

TAMPO: {with the echo} Uh, your omniscience is lying!!!

CARTEEN: Fine. Also, I will allow you to kill Gunhaver.

TAMPO: {normally} Thanks.

{Suddenly, Carteen grasps at his head. Meanwhile, Tampo floats to and looks at Gunhaver trapped in his armor.}

TAMPO: Uh, could you get him out of this armor thing?

{Carteen raises an arm to break Gunhaver free from the armor with psychic powers without missing a beat while still grasping at his head. Suddenly, he looks up, smiling.}

CARTEEN: Of course. Not only have you survived the attack on your lives by the ASDF, but you have also gained TEMPORARY mind control powers that you have used on me to free Gunhaver and are intending to use for the good of making me lose the war. I'll give you a 3 out of 10 because I don't like you.

TAMPO: Why?

GUNHAVER: He's just a prejudiced nut head.

{Gunhaver gets knocked to the ground by a multicolored energy ball. Cut to Carteen.}

CARTEEN: No, the reason why I hate you and want you dead is because of a prophecy I received from my growing omniscience, which told me that {points to Tampo} you and {points to Gunhaver} that SCUM will lead to my downfall! I had to take care of you two quickly. Unfortunately, fate does not like to listen to my demands, which has brought us to this situation! So instead, I will enjoy fighting you two.

GUNHAVER: You're welcome.

CARTEEN: SHUT UP WITH YOUR STUPID COMMENTS! It will be easy defeating you two. {to Tampo} You have the biggest weak spot I've ever seen in my entire two lives! {to Gunhaver} You are armed with an outdated pistol!

GUNHAVER: Hey! {gets out his blaster} Those Chabarg Commandos gave me a cool, new blaster!

CARTEEN: Same difference.

{Suddenly, Carteen's arms turn into glowing swords before he zips at Tampo and Gunhaver, fighting them separately and ferociously. When fighting Tampo, he keeps on slashing low, aiming for his red, weak spot, which is sometimes hit, injuring Tampo as he flashes red. Tampo fights back by shooting volleys of laserballs at Carteen, most of which are blocked by Carteen's sword arms, some of which hit their target, doing little effect to Carteen. Meanwhile, Gunhaver shoots blaster shots at Carteen while he's not looking, but Carteen quickly conjures a shield around him and shoots one of his various projectiles at Gunhaver, who is either dodges or is blasted away. Soon, after not being able to defeat Tampo quickly by slashing at his weak spot, he floats into the air and shoots very small missiles at Tampo, who almost gets hit all the time, for the missiles barely miss. Despite this, Carteen barely notices all of the damage he's getting from the laserballs and blaster shot that manage to hit their mark. Cut to Gunhaver and Tampo, who are grouped together now, doing their best to dodge Carteen's projectiles while shooting at Carteen..}

GUNHAVER: Man! This is taking a freaking long time! Is he ever going to go down???

TAMPO: I don't know. You fought him first! And apparently, since he knows you, you know him more than I do!

GUNHAVER: I just wish that our attacks aren't that weak.

TAMPO: Well, I think I can charge up a pretty big and powerful laserball, but that will take time and concentration, something I can't have if Carteen doesn't stop with this nonsense!

GUNHAVER: Wait, do you still have your mind control powers, since I saw you use them?

TAMPO: Oh yeah! I can't believe I forgot about that, since I'm wearing this ridiculous headset!

CARTEEN: Y'know, my omniscience is telling me what you're planning.

TAMPO: {with echo} Then you will forget about what your omni thing is telling you. Also, you will stand on the floor like a sitting duck. In other words, stay in one place and do not attack us. Understand?

CARTEEN: {monotone} Yes. Very well.

{Carteen floats to the floor and stands there while Tampo starts charging up a laserball while Gunhaver just watches. Soon, when Tampo looks like he's going to burst, he shoots a laserball thrice his size at Carteen, who gets pulverized in the explosion as he is sent flying through two walls. Tampo and Gunhaver go through the walls and look at Carteen, who is burnt, but still alive.}

CARTEEN: {weakly} I'm... indestructible... losers...

GUNHAVER: Oh right! I forgot! He can recover right now and make our work useless!

TAMPO: {with echo} You will not use your recover move.

{Carteen quickly loses consciousness.}

GUNHAVER: Yes!

TAMPO: {simultaneously} Yes!

{Suddenly, Carteen wakes up with his arms glowing black.}

CARTEEN: But first, EAT THIS!!!

{Before Tampo and Gunhaver can do anything, Carteen shoots his black energy at a portal that instantly materializes. The camera zooms into it and fades to black.}

Act VI: The Butterfly Effect

{Fade in to a large realm that has a gigantic number of white orbs. A portal opens up from one of the orbs and shoots Carteen's black beams at a portal that opens up at another orb.}

{Cut to the top of a skyscraper at night. Black Laser is standing over Gunhaver with a mechanical claw. Foxface creeps behind Black Laser with her bulletproof handbag. Just as Black Laser is about to attack, a portal appears above them as a black beam vaporizes both Gunhaver and Black Laser, shocking Foxface.}

FOXFACE: Oh dear! I will definitely need therapy after this!

{Then the scene turns dark as there's no sound.}

NARRATOR: And so, Carteen's last-restort "time/space bomb" attack killed Gunhaver and Black Laser. Well, Black Laser's not important, but Gunhaver is.

{Cut to Tampo and Brody inside the ASDF cave, where they wake up, still trapped in the forcefield.}

NARRATOR: Without Gunhaver, Stlunko was unable to save Tampo and Brody, who were killed as soon as they woke up.

{Killer Red burns Tampo into ashes while Killer Blue freezes Brody to death. Cut to Stlunko, who is frozen to square before he is burnt by Killer Red's fire attack.}

NARRATOR: And without Tampo and Brody, Stlunko couldn't use his knowledge that the ASDF had cybergenetic implants to his advantage in time, so he was destroyed.

{Cut to the battle between the Chabarg Commandos and Ultramarine Laser's army.}

NARRATOR: And since there's no Gunhaver to help the Chabarg Commandos even win their battle to save their second-to-last headquarters, they lost the war.

{The scene changes to the Chabarg Commandos chained to each other by energy chains, being led to a pit of fire or Ultramarine Laser's castle by the Ultramarine Underlings. Cut to Carteen (burnt, bruised, and on the floor) with Gunhaver and Tampo.}

NARRATOR: And so, with Gunhaver and Tampo dead, Carteen was never in the dire situation where he needed to kill Gunhaver in the past.

{Cut to Gunhaver and Black Laser on the skyscraper, where all things proceed as usual.}

NARRATOR: And since Carteen didn't need to kill Gunhaver in the past, he lived. This resulted in saving the boss trio from the ASDF, the final battle, and the need for Carteen to kill Gunhaver. The cycle will continue endlessly until the tear it causes in the time/space continual grows so big, it destroys the entire universe, ending all life as we know it.

{A huge explosion is about to start, when suddenly, the "clip" is paused. Cut to Carteen's castle's foyer, where Tampo flies outside.}

TAMPO: {scared} No! He can't be dead! He probably just teleported! How did he just die like that??? Wait... what the...

{Cut to what Tampo is looking at. Instead of an overcast sky, there is a large orange energy shield. Beyond the shield is what looks like an explosion paused after it started. The Ultramarine Underlings are running away to Carteen's castle while the Chabarg Commandos, as well as Brody and Stlunko, are fleeing to the Chabarg Commandos Headquarters. Tampo flies to follow them.}

{Cut to a large room in the headquarters, where all of the Chabarg Commandos are running around crazily in fear. Only Brody, Stlunko, and Dr. Reynolds are calm as they are looking at a holographic computer. Tampo flies over to them.}

TAMPO: Guys! Guys! What is happening??? {to Dr. Reynolds} Who are you?

DR. REYNOLDS: Dr. Reynolds. Anyway, long story short, because of some sort of time-paradox, there's a rip in the time/space continual, destroying the universe and creating an apo...

BRODY: We know about that. Just get to the point!

DR. REYNOLDS: Alright. Fortunately, there is a way to save the universe, and seeing that {to Tampo} you are the only one with mind control powers here, and seeing that everyone else is panicking, you're going to save the universe.

TAMPO: That sounds like we're some sort of superheroes or something.

DR. REYNOLDS: Good. Now, Stlunko, I hope you know more about Gunhaver now.

STLUNKO: I have found his profile on the InstaNet.

DR. REYNOLDS: Good. Now, you are going to go to the Cheat Commandos Headquarters and confront Gunhaver before he goes to where he gets killed by Ultramarine Laser, or Carteen. However, I'm going to send you to a place nearby so Stlunko can teach you about Gunhaver so you can force Gunhaver not to make the mistakes that ultimately lead to this events through mind control. Also, make sure that nobody remembers your existance in 2005, for that'll create too much discord.

BRODY: That's great, but how are we going to go to the past? Time travel?

DR. REYNOLDS: No, by the use of the Butterfly Effect Machine's successor, the Butterfly Effect Program. Now before you go, I think you might need this.

{He tosses a radio-like object to Stlunko, who catches the small devise and then conceals it.}

DR. REYNOLDS: I learned of your disabilities right before bringing you over here, and I had someone quickly custom-fit this radio jammer to match the frequency of the microchips implanted in your body. Very complicated frequency. Took a lot of advanced technology for him to duplicate.

STLUNKO: Thanks.

{Dr. Reynolds types something in on the holographic keyboard, making Tampo, Brody, and Stlunko disappear in a flash of light.}

{Cut to Gunhaver on the phone in a room in the Cheat Commandos HQ.}

GUNHAVER: Well, go ahead. Vaporize them. Except for Foxface. I don't like the rest, and Arr...

{Suddenly, there's an explosion as the phone, Gunhaver, and the table holding the phone and a vase are sent flying away by the explosion. When the smoke clears, Tampo, Brody, and Stlunko enter through a large hole made in the wall and move towards Gunhaver, who regains consciousness by the entrance to his computer room. When he looks at the boss trio, he gives out a yelp before standing up and getting out his pistol.}

GUNHAVER: Stand back! I have a gun!

BLAST MAVERICK: {off-screen} You said you didn't have a gun, Liar McLiar!

{Cut to Stlunko, Brody, and Tampo facing Gunhaver.}

STLUNKO: Calm down. We do not intend to harm you.

{Suddenly, there's a gunshot as Brody contracts his neck to dodge a bullet aimed at him.}

BRODY: Scratch that. We do intend to harm you.

{Brody kicks Gunhaver flying into his computer room through a wall. Then Stlunko's fist hovers some feet above Gunhaver, threatening to fall on him.}

GUNHAVER: Okay! Fine! I {shudders} give up!

{The boss trio approach Gunhaver.}

STLUNKO: Tampo, when you use your mind control powers, remember that you should do the entire process and not get cut off in the middle. Doing so will render the target unconscious, and Gunhaver is needed to save the Cheat Commandos from a dire situation.

GUNHAVER: Mind control???

TAMPO: Don't worry. I'll be quick.

{Then Tampo firmly stares at Gunhaver while the antennas on his headset charge a very large amount of electricity.}

TAMPO: {with echoes} Once this is over, you will forget about our existance and think that someone broke a hole in the wall, but you must forever remember what we are about to tell you.

GUNHAVER: {in trance} Okay.

TAMPO: {with echoes} First, you must tell Arrowhaver that you are still his friend. If you don't, he will try to murder you, join Blue Laser, and create a big mess.

GUNHAVER: {in trance} Okay.

TAMPO: {with echoes} Second, you must NEVER insult Contestro Sevornkey, particularly about his name, for he has a short temper and will forever hate you, causing his descendant to be evil and nearly destroy the universe.

GUNHAVER: {in trance} What a close call. Okay.

TAMPO: {with echoes} Third, uh... if your computer gets destroyed in some freakish accident, get an Alpha 1260.

GUNHAVER: {in trance} I was planning to get one a week ago.

TAMPO: {normally} What else?

BRODY: Ooh! Make him make Reynold go on missions, say Firebert's commando name is the best, and treat the Cheat Commandos equally!

TAMPO: Why?

STLUNKO: This may result in a Gunhaver who will probably not create havoc.

TAMPO: Okay. {with echo} Finally...

{Suddenly, there is a big, multicolored flash as Tampo, Brody, and Stlunko disappears. Gunhaver regains consciousness.}

GUNHAVER: Whoa. What a headache. I think I need to lie down.

{Gunhaver faints.}

{Cut to Gunhaver in front of the Alpha 1260.}

GUNHAVER: ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!!!

{Gunhaver starts singing hard rock as an electric guitar plays. Also, the following words appear as they are "said".}

GUNHAVER: GEMAIL IS AWESOME {"AWESOME"}, GEMAIL IS WEIRD {"WEIRD"}, I AM AWESOME "{I ROXXORS!"}, AND YOU ARE WEIRD {"YOU SUXXORS!"}! And I'm sure I'm not ripping off of Strong BAD {"Please don't sue me!}!!!!

Congratulations on reaching the big 75. You have 18 new emails.



GUNHAVER: And, g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-O!

{Gunhaver presses a button to make the following email appear on the screen, which Gunhaver reads.}

Subject: snipe hunters

Gunhaver!
Why don't you take the other Commandos out on a snipe hunt?

~Swoosh

GUNHAVER: {reading} GUNHAVER!!! {not reading} What? What? {reading} Why don't you take the other Commandos out on a snipe hunt? The sound that a basketball hoop makes when someone makes a clean shot.

REYNOLD: {off-scree} Isn't that "swish"?

GUNHAVER: Same thing, give or take some of those foreign trash called vowels. {typing} Anyway froosh, that's a great idea! I'll choose some of my good ol' Cheat Commandos to the woods and shoot some snipe!

{Cut to the 75th GEmail party, where Gunhaver blows on the 75 candles on a 75% completed cake. After that, all Cheat Commandos (including Contestro) cheer.}

GUNHAVER: Thank you! Thank you for all of your useless contributions to my 75th email success! Now it's time for me to choose some of you commandos to go snipe hunting with me in the forest!

SILENT RIP: What's a snipe?

GUNHAVER: Uh... I think it has to do with Reynold.

REYNOLD: Oh dear!

{Cut to the forest, where Reynold is seen running away. Gunhaver, Silent Rip, Fightgar, Arrowhaver, and Contestro chase him with shotguns, but stop when Blue Laser and two of his minions walks in front of them.}

BLUE LASER: AH! WHAT A NICE DAY FOR A HIKE! {notices the Cheat Commandos} OH DRAT! NOT YOU AGAIN!

CONTESTRO: Hey look! It's Blue Laser!

GUNHAVER: Let's bother him!

{The five Cheat Commandos go to Blue Laser and continuously poke Blue Laser while saying "Bother".}

BLUE LASER: HEY! GET OFF OF ME! STOP BOTHERING ME! {pause} I'M UNCOMFORTABLE! {pause} THIS SUCKS!

{Suddenly, a cloud shaped like Alpha Stan appears in the sky with the following message in clouds.}

Click here to email Gunhaver at GEmail.exe. Thank you for reading Paradox.




Easter Eggs

  • Click on Contestro to see some parts of the apocalpyse narration that never made the final cut of Paradox. This is after Stlunko's death scene.

{Cut to Sticklyman kneeling in front of the enlarged Chorch Commander (now Chorch Emperor), The Tricker (now The Emperor), and Sidekick Bob (now Vice-Emperor Bob).}

NARRATOR: Because the boss trio are dead, they never got to fight against the Boss Trio Reloaded. Once the Boss Trio Reloaded gained possession of their fortune, they gained power and became the emperors of Planet K.

{Cut to 1-Up eating pudding in 30X2.}

NARRATOR: And because the Boss Trio Reloaded don't have an emnity against 1-Up, he was unharmed by the rulers.

1-UP: Works for me!

  • Click on a tree stump to see a small clip show showing what happened in seasons 3 and 4 involving Arrowhaver, Contestro, and Blue Laser, what happened in seasons 5 and 6 involving Contestro and Carteen, and the new events that happened in the "new" seasons 5 and 6, like the Cheat Commandos tap dancing. Then this message is shown.

Fun Facts

  • This is the third Gunhaver Email special.

Act I Fun Facts

  • Punching cows is once again referenced.
  • "I sense a disturbance in the force." is a famous line from the Star Wars movies.
    • Of course, Ripper-Wan would make that reference, since he is a Star Wars reference himself.
  • Gunhaver's email intro is a parody of the one from flashback, which is why Gunhaver hopes that he's not ripping-off of Strong Bad.
  • Cutlass is actually a type of sword
  • The apple transition scene is a parody of the lemon transition scene in Stealing.
  • The scene with the Butterfly Effect machine is from Butterfly Effect.
    • Another reference to the email is when Gunhaver makes that outburst at Ryenold.
  • Just so you know, Hades is where the dead go in Greek mythology.
  • While speaking to himself, Ultramarine Laser references Fhqwhgads Remake and Showdown.

Act II Fun Facts

  • Read Showdown to learn why the ASDF needed cyborgian upgrades.
  • Read revolution to learn about what Stlunko was talking about with the "jammer's range" and why Tampo and Brody were defeated to easily.
  • This crosses over with a real Tampo email, captured (see the "Read Also" section below). Joshua and I planned the email together, but Joshua wrote most of the email.

Act III Fun Facts

  • Just so you know, Gamma Stan is the name signed on the email sent to Tampo Brody and Stlunko in captured.
  • The times Gunhaver and Carteen have fought are in Carteen, New Recruit, Fhqwhgads Remake, and Showdown. All of those events include a form of a deus ex machina helping Gunhaver out in the end (Contestro coming to help defeat Carteen, the Chabarg Commandos sending Gunhaver to the future for safety while Iron Prizefighter causes Carteen to flee, Fhqwhgads interrupting the battle to stun Gunhaver, and Commander Blaze using mechanical arm controls to throw Fhqwhgads into Carteen to send them flying out of a window, respectively).
  • The battle against Carteen is the only scene that does not have what is supposed to be in that scene shown in the Easter Egg of Español.
  • A Chakillareet is a name of a fictional animal made for Guninator's line.
  • Cells do divide to heal injuries like cuts or broken bones.
  • Guninator, Ripper-Wan, and Disputant Rogue were the ones kidnapped in the early courses of Season 6.
  • The DNA cannons and the battle between Gunhaver and the Ultramarine Underlings are from Fhqwhgads Remake.
  • A chiropractor deals with misalignments in joints, like the ones in the spine. This means that a chiropractor can't do anything about Gunhaver's nose.

Act IV Fun Facts

  • Notice that Ultramarine Laser/Carteen said, "Those five useless things I used to call minions have failed!" The point is, he has six (the ASDF (3), Carteen, Fhqwhgads, and Gamma Stan). This is a clue that shows that Ultramarine Laser is Carteen.
    • Another clue about Ultramarine Laser's identity: If you copy Ultramarine Laser's image onto a paint program (like MS Paint) and use a paint bucket to color Ultramarine Laser's cloak into a different color, you'll see a hidden message that clearly tells who Ultramarine Laser really is.
  • Kamikaze is flying and crashing into a target. It was a maneuver used in World War II.
  • Carteen's explanation references Unguraits 2, Carteen, ASDF, New Recruit, and Boxing Gloves.
  • The Strong Bad email scene references to the following:
    • Imitation Strong Bad E-mails - The accents, Strong Bad's voice, Homestar's accent (Futuramaooy is Homestar's voice actor), and the Lappy.
    • Experiment and marbles - The idea that the universe is an alternate universe and that Homsar is the Universal Headmaster.
    • Other Character Email Tampo - This is the email show where Trevor (the Present-Day version of Tampo) is from.
    • email birds - Strong Bad's remarks about Homsar being the Universal Headmaster is said similarily to how he replies to the second email in email birds.

Act V Fun Facts

  • For your information, spry means lively, which describes how Gunhaver manages to dodge Carteen's attacks.
  • This is the first act that crosses over with the OCE Tampo email chabarg.
    • Laserballs is a term used for "energy balls" in OCE Tampo.
    • Tampo flashing red not only refers to how he takes damage in Stinkoman 20X6, but also the start of OCE Tampo, when the email show took place in the game.

Act VI Fun Facts

  • This is the second act that crosses over with OCE Tampo email chabarg.
  • The email where Gunhaver and Black Laser are killed and where the boss trio go to fix the time rip in the universe is Black Laser.
    • Blast Maverick references a statement Gunhaver makes about his gun in Black Laser.
  • The narrative showing the end of the universe references apocalypse.
    • Another reference to the email is Brody saying they nearly experienced it.
  • For more information about why the Chabarg Commandos would have been doomed without Gunhaver in the aforementioned battle, read Vacation.
  • InstaNet is the future version of the Internet, used in OCE Tampo.
  • The Butterfly Effect Program is the successor to the Butterfly Effect Machine.
  • Read season 3 (starting from Unused emails) and season 4 (up to Butterfly Effect) to learn more about Arrowhaver, Blue Laser, and the mess they make.
  • Read Bread to read how Gunhaver insults Contestro.
    • Also read Star Wars, Evil, Robots, and season 5 to learn more about Contestro hating Gunhaver.
  • If you're confused, basically, things are back to normal ever since the events of Seasons 3, 4, and Butterfly Effect.
  • A snipe is a type of bird.
  • The Cheat Commandos bothering Blue Laser is a reference to the first Potter Puppet Pals cartoon, where Harry and Ron "bother" Snape in the same way.
  • Read Tampo emails 21 to 30 to learn about the Boss Trio Reloaded.
  • Read OCE 1-Up to learn about 1-Up's fate in the future if the boss trio rule the world.
  • The microchips are from revolution.
  • The Easter Eggs contradict the point of the Prologue.

Thanks/Notices to People

  • Joshua: For agreeing to make the Gunhaver-Tampo email crossover.
  • Mr. Cradgage: For making Contestro and Carteen. If it weren't for that, Ultramarine Laser would surely have been just a new villain. But don't let the change in Contestro affect your OCE or FCE. You can make Contestro whatever you want in your fanstuff.
  • mitchell00: Don't let this affect anything you're planning for 1-Up emails, just in case you're planning something with 30X1, 30X2, and/or the Chibilichi Commandos.

Read Also


Other Character Email Gunhaver

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