Other Character Email Gunhaver/Fhqwhgads Remake
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Summary
Gunhaver gets another love spam message. Then he goes save the captured Chabarg Commandos from Ultramarine Laser.
Cast (in order of appearance): Commander Blaze, Misc. Chabarg Commando, Dr. Reynolds, Splitknot, Strident Spy, Flama, Gunhaver, Fhqwhgads, Ultramarine Laser (silhouette), Ripper-Wan (voice), Ultramarine Underlings, Guninator (voice), Carteen, Shim-Sham-Sam (Easter egg, and voice only)
Lines: 201
Transcript
{Cut to the mountain Chabarg Commandos HQ, which looks like an old, slightly broken-down headquarters. A bunch of battleships and Chabarg Commando ships fly to the HQ and into the landing bay. As the ships land and their passengers begin to get off, Commander Blaze rides on a small hover-skateboard towards the ships.}
COMMANDER BLAZE: Chabarg Commandos! You're all alive! Well, maybe except for the other miscellaneous ones, but I don't care about them!
{Cut to an angry miscellaneous Chabarg Commando in front of his ship.}
MISC. CHABARG COMMANDO: {angrily} Hmph!
{Cut to Commander Blaze, Dr. Reynolds, Splitknot, Strident Spy, Flama, and Gunhaver.}
DR. REYNOLDS: I'm so glad that you survived the explosion, Commander.
COMMANDER BLAZE: Yeah, I know. It's a shame that after you won the battle without me, we still lost.
SPLITKNOT: Do you by any chance know who did this kind of bad bost?
COMMANDER BLAZE: As a matter of fact, I do. The traitor is...
{Cut to Commander Blaze's memory (since it has a burning clouds borderline), which is currently fuzzing static. Cut back to the previous scene.}
COMMANDER BLAZE: You know what? I forgot.
GUNHAVER: Yeah, that sucks. Look, is there any way for me to check my email at...
{What he says is typed below him.}
GUNHAVER: ...GEmail.exe?
COMMANDER BLAZE: Conveniently, yes. Follow me.
{Cut to a large, messy room with a lot of large shelves and some screens. Commander Blaze and Gunhaver walk to a shelf that says "Email for the Cool". Commander Blaze presses a button to make the sign say "Gunhaver's Emails".}
COMMANDER BLAZE: Now, what was the last email you've answered before we sent you here? And how long ago did the email answering take place before we sent you here?
GUNHAVER: Uh, I answered the one about vacation. And I got sent here on the same day I answered the said email.
COMMANDER BLAZE: Okay, done and done!
{Commander Blaze presses a button on the shelf to make 11 multi-colored capsules appear on the shelf.}
COMMANDER BLAZE: Pick one to answer, press the button on the capsule, and there you go. Oh, and no typing. Your voice does the answering.
{Commander Blaze leaves. Gunhaver takes one of the capsules, making the other capsules disappear.}
GUNHAVER: Man, the future is cool, I guess!
{Gunhaver presses the button on the capsule, projecting a hologram of the email. Gunhaver reads it.}
Subject: noneI still love you.
-Fhqwhgads
GUNHAVER: What. That's it? Just that? Well, at least you didn't extend your name like last time. I wonder if I should send this email to Strong Bad again...
{Then the hologram projector changes into this.}
Forward to who?
____________________
GUNHAVER: Well, forward this to...
{Just then, Strident Spy walks in.}
STRIDENT SPY: HEY YOU! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
GUNHAVER: Oh, I'm just forwarding an email to somebody I know.
STRIDENT SPY: LET ME SEE THE EMAIL!
GUNHAVER: Okay. Uh, how do I make the capsule show the email again?
{Just then, the capsule shows the email again. Strident Spy reads it.}
STRIDENT SPY: OH! SHE MUST HAVE SENT IT TO THE WRONG PERSON!
GUNHAVER: "She"??? As in this Fhqwhgads is real?
STRIDENT SPY: YEAH! SHE'S GUNINATOR'S GIRLFRIEND! HERE SHE IS!
{Fhqwhgads walks inside.}
FHQWHGADS: Hi Gunhaver. I heard a lot about you and how you helped us all in that battle. Anyway, sorry I sent you that. I confused Guninator's email address with yours.
GUNHAVER: Okay, so I guess this email has nothing for fate besides del...
{Just then, Dr. Reynolds walks in.}
DR. REYNOLDS: Uh, Gunhaver? Commander Blaze wants to see you.
{Cut to a meeting room with a round table and floating electric chairs. Commander Blaze is looking at a hologram of Ultramarine Laser's castle as Gunhaver sits down on a chair.}
COMMANDER BLAZE: Ah, Gunhaver, glad you came when I just downloaded this hologram. Anyway, I'm sending you on a mission to save Guninator, Ripper-Wan Kenobi, and Disputant Rogue.
GUNHAVER: Uh, I only know Guninator. And how do you expect me to do that?
COMMANDER BLAZE: Well, look at this.
{The hologram changes into the entrance of the castle.}
COMMANDER BLAZE: The castle is not heavily guarded. That's because it's guaranteed that his enemies can't get inside, unless they have permission to, like being hostages.
{The hologram changes into the castle's entrance hallway, which has small cannons mounted on the walls.}
COMMANDER BLAZE: That is because of the 100 DNA cannons that shoot and stun, or kill, any Chabarg chosen by Ultramarine Laser to be his enemy. Obviously, because of that, we never got to infiltrate the castle without being shot or imprisoned. But there's one flaw in his system.
GUNHAVER: Let me guess. Me?
COMMANDER BLAZE: Precisely. You're a Cheat. A species with a different kind of DNA from any Chabarg. Also, even if Ultramarine Laser does know about you being in the future, it would take a long time to download the information of your species into the DNA cannons' system. So, I hope you know what you need to do?
GUNHAVER: Uh, go into the castle because the DNA cannons can't shoot me and get killed?
COMMANDER BLAZE: You were right on the first statement. Anyway, first, you need to be supplied with the appropriate weapons. After that, you're leaving.
GUNHAVER: What? But why now?
COMMANDER BLAZE: Because of a message sent to us by Ultramarine Laser before his army attacked the base. If his army fails and we do not surrender, then the hostages will be killed.
{Cut to Ultramarine Laser's castle's entrance. A green ship flies to the front doors. As Gunhaver gets out, the ship flies away immediately.}
GUNHAVER: And how am I supposed to get back if I succeed? Ah well. These people are pessimists.
{Cut to the entrance hallway. Gunhaver walks through the hallway, casually whistling along the way. Pan out to reveal that he's being watched by Ultramarine Laser (silhouette).}
ULTRAMARINE LASER: What??? NO! The Chabarg Commando scum managed to get past my security! Ugh. {sotto} Note to self: Don't be too overconfident about using only DNA cannons for security. {normal} Anyway, I'd better use my best minions to dispose of Gunhaver!
RIPPER-WAN: {distorted} Hey! How do you know his name?
ULTRAMARINE LASER: It's none of your business!
{Cut to Gunhaver walking into a large, circular room. There are eight doors that are colored red, blue, green, yellow, purple, orange, indigo, and white.}
GUNHAVER: Well, this is easy. Blue Laser makes this mistake all the time!
{Gunhaver opens the blue door and walks into the room. Gunhaver gasps while a metallic door replaces the blue door, locking Gunhaver inside. Cut to what Gunhaver is looking at, a room with no doors and windows. The room is full of Ultramarine Underlings with blasters.}
GUNHAVER: Crap. I should remember that Blue Laser and Ultramarine Laser are different.
ULTRAMARINE UNDERLING: Freeze weird rebel!
GUNHAVER: Weird???
ULTRAMARINE UNDERLING: Shut up, or we'll shoot you!
GUNHAVER: Yeah? Then try!
{Gunhaver reaches inside his pocket. Meanwhile, the Ultramarine Underlings shoot blue lasers at Gunhaver. He instantly pulls out a tiny metallic object and pushes the button on said object, creating a green forcefield around him, deflecting the blue lasers and sending them flying all over the room, some hitting some of the underlings. Then the surviving underlings get out electric swords.}
GUNHAVER: What??? Electric swords? Man, this shield's useless against them!
{An Ultramarine Underling takes a swipe at Gunhaver, who does a back flip to dodge the attack. Another underling does a vertical slash at the shield, "ripping" it into nothing. Then Gunhaver gropes inside his pocket while dodging all of the sword swipes.}
GUNHAVER: {to himself} Oh man, I need time to use this cool piece of weapon crap! {shouting} Hey! Look over there! It's Ultramarine Laser's mother!
{The Ultramarine Underlings look at where Gunhaver's finger is pointing to. Then he gets out a glowing-multicolored ball attached to a chain. He begins swinging the chain around. When the Ultramarine Underlings look back at Gunhaver, he swings the weapon at an Underling, sending him flying into five other Underlings, sending them flying into a wall, unconscious.}
GUNHAVER: Who else wants a taste of my weapon that I don't know the name of?
{The Ultramarine Underlings refuse to flinch.}
GUNHAVER: Okay, then how about this?
{Gunhaver adds pressure from his hand and onto the chain, giving the ball spikes and fire. Then he throws the weapon at an Underling. He does a jump into the air and throws his electric sword at Gunhaver. Suddenly, the weapon flies at the Underling, clings to his neck, and drives him into the electric sword, creating a large explosion that makes rock from the walls crumble and fall onto the Ultramarine Underlings. All of the ones conscious/alive teleport from the room. Gunhaver survives the avalanche using another shield device. Cut to Ultramarine Laser's room, where Ultramarine Laser has his hands on his head in frustration in front of his underlings.}
ULTRAMARINE LASER: ARRRGGHHHH!!!! You all suck! I should just kill you right here, right now!
GUNINATOR: {off-screen and distorted} Yeah! Do it!
ULTRAMARINE LASER: You stay out of this!
ULTRAMARINE UNDERLINGS: Sorry, master.
ULTRAMARINE LASER: Maybe I need to use my best minions after all... Or maybe just one minion. The one who has personal hate against Gunhaver. Fueled by hatred. Nice.
{Cut to Gunhaver walking down a curved hallway.}
GUNHAVER: Man, why does this Ultramarine freak have such a freakin' big castle if most of the rooms and hallways are not even used at all?
VOICE: {off-screen} To show that Ultramarine Laser is all-powerful, duh!
{Cut to the bearer of the voice, Carteen Sraven, in his mutant body.}
GUNHAVER: Oh man! Why do you constantly bother me every freakin' time?
CARTEEN: What??? I haven't bothered you for a long freakin' time, until now! Anyway, I'm going to kill you now so Ultramarine Laser can continue with the extermination of the Chabarg Commandos!
GUNHAVER: Yeah, sure, whatever. Anyway, I guess we have to fight now.
{Cut to a side view of Gunhaver and Carteen facing each other. Tense drum music is playing. Then the music develops as Gunhaver and Carteen jump to each other. Carteen punches with his claw that's glowing purple. Meanwhile, Gunhaver dives to the ground to dodge the punch and lands on the floor with hard impact.}
GUNHAVER: Ouch. I should remember that even in the future, falling hurts!
{Pan out to reveal Carteen is floating in the air.}
CARTEEN: Give up yet, Gunhaver?
GUNHAVER: No!
CARTEEN: Well, if you have common sense, you SHOULD!
{Carteen fires a fireball and a ball of freezing ice at Gunhaver. He jumps at the ice ball, shoots it with his blaster, shatters it into a hundred pieces, and dives sideways to the ground. Suddenly, the fireball changes its direction and flies at Gunhaver. Meanwhile, the ice shards float in the air and fly at Gunhaver. He rolls out of the way to dodge the attacks, which blow up on the ground.}
CARTEEN: You have a tendancy to have deus ex machinas on your side. But your luck will end. You can't dodge my attacks forever!
GUNHAVER: Yeah, well, watch this!
{Gunhaver takes out a glowing, multicolored stick. He jumps and throws it at Carteen. Carteen lifts his "hands" in front of him, making the stick stop in front of him in mid-air. Suddenly, Carteen glows red as he screams. Then he is sent flying into a wall. Then Gunhaver grabs the stick and throws it at Carteen, whacking him in the face. Then the stick flies into Gunhaver's hand.}
GUNHAVER: Give up yet, Carteen?
CARTEEN: Don't get too overconfident, Gunhaver. I still have yet to show you my true new powers!
GUNHAVER: Yeah, you're just boasting and that kind of crap. And you're just doing that to waste time, like in those anime shows, like Yu-Gi-Oh! In fact, there's this one episode where there's all talk and barely any action with a beaver, a mermaid, and...
{Just then, Gunhaver is sent flying into a wall. Then a red, transparent serpent flies to him and breathes fire on him. Gunhaver is incased in fire. Cut to Carteen, who is laughing while he's watching the dragon continuously burn Gunhaver.}
CARTEEN: Fool! You will never beat me! I'm too freakishly powerful! My master, my revivor, Ultramarine Laser, has promised me this! He has also promised me that I would become...
{Just then, a pink laser is shot at him. Carteen flies out of the way. Cut to Gunhaver, whose wounds instantly healed as the dragon disappears. Cut back to Carteen.}
CARTEEN: What the???
{Cut to who shot at him, Fhqwhgads, with a very weird looking blaster.}
CARTEEN: {off-screen} YOU! I thought that you couldn't get in here at all! I thought my master promised me that I will destroy Gunhaver on my own!
FHQWHGADS: Well, you've thought wrong, Carteen. I will make sure you will not accomplish your horrible task!
CARTEEN: Why? So you can do the killing?
{Fhqwhgads looks at Gunhaver and at Carteen.}
FHQWHGADS: Who cares about any of that craxap? He's going to die anyway!
CARTEEN: Not unless I take care of things! I won't let you to get what you want to accomplish!
GUNHAVER: What are you tal...
FHQWHGADS: {to Gunhaver} You stay out of this! This is none of your business! I'll deal with him alone.
CARTEEN: Fine, but make it quick. {lands back on the ground} Any longer, and I'll deal with the both of you in one second.
FHQWHGADS: Fine.
{Cut to a close-up of Fhqwhgads. She raises her blaster, points it at her target, and fires a laser at her target. We hear a scream before we hear a thud.}
FHQWHGADS: Well, that takes care of things. That was too easy, I'd have to say. Come along. We don't want them to think we're doing anything wrong.
{Cut to who she's talking to, Carteen.}
CARTEEN: You killed him, did you? Cause, you know, that was quick and painless. If I had it my way, I'd have made the death slow and painful.
FHQWHGADS: That's just not my style. I prefer to be swift and on-point, but at the same time, strategic. That's how I managed to sabotage the Chabarg Commandos Headquarters' shield, blow up the Headquarters, and erase Commander Blaze's mind. I think my job as spy is finished. The Chabarg Commandos will lose. Now, you drag him into a cell...
CARTEEN: He isn't dead???
FHQWHGADS: Master Ultramarine Laser commanded that Gunhaver should not be killed. Anyway, let's go back to his room and watch the execution of the three rebel scum.
CARTEEN: Whatever.
FHQWHGADS: And you bring Gunhaver into his cell, since you wanted to kill him so much!
CARTEEN: What? Why do I have to do the boring work?
FHQWHGADS: Would you prefer it if master Ultramarine Laser knows you did nothing because you were too slow and merciful to Gunhaver?
CARTEEN: {resigning} Fine. I'll do that stupid task.
{Carteen lifts Gunhaver into the air mentally. Then he walks away, grumbling, bringing Gunhaver with him. Fhqwhgads walks away.}
Easter Eggs
- When Gunhaver tells us his email address, click on it to email Gunhaver, because that's the only opportunity you get to email him in this email.
- Click on a wall to hear this message:
SHIM-SHAM-SAM: {off-screen} Hello everybody. I know you're disappointed by the lack of Easter eggs, but, Easter eggs don't really count in the quality of emails. I mean, you should be satisfied with what's going on, what, with Fhqwhgads' betrayal, Gunhaver being stunned, cool battles, and that stuff! Also, I really can't find a way to incorporate to put an Easter egg in this email, since a lot of the stuff can go by itself. But here's one more thing. This is an Easter egg. That's all.
Fun Facts
- This email continues from Vacation.
- Gunhaver talking about the last time Fhqwhgads emailed him (and the plan involving Strong Bad) refers to Fhqwhgads.
- To know why Guninator, Ripper-Wan, and Disputant Rogue are captured, read this.
- Gunhaver did meet Guninator in Butterfly Effect.
- The idea of the DNA cannons is from Artemis Fowl: The Arctic Incident. I'm not sure if there's more about DNA cannons are not.
- The comment about Yu-Gi-Oh references the anime in general, but it also references the first out of the five episodes where Yugi duels Pegasus. You have to admit that episode was boring with a lot of talking and little fighting.
