Other Character Email Gunhaver/Destiny
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Summary
Gunhaver and Past Flashfight are in the future. There, Gunhaver learns about his future before things get messed up. Meanwhile, the bad guys meet together and start the definition of doom.
Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Past Flashfight, Dark Sapphire Robots, Blue Laser, Max, Blue Laser Minion, fCon Ninja, Shadow, Black Laser, Beta Oyster, Guntoshi, Zengar, Eta Dan, Dr. Hopkins, Silura, Death, Carteen Sraven, Ree, Ryue, Foxface, Reinforcements, Silent Rip
Lines: 218
Page Title: It's back! And it's tedious!
Transcript
{Cut to a hallway with a large window for a wall. A view of a futuristic city can be viewed from the window. Suddenly, there is a flash of white light. When the light fades, Gunhaver and Past Flashfight stand on the floor.}
PAST FLASHFIGHT: Where the crap are we?
GUNHAVER: Actually, it's supposed to be, "When the crap are we?"
{Suddenly, robots, spaceships, hovercrafts, and holograms rush/fly by the window.}
PAST FLASHFIGHT: Oh my Cornbread. I'm DEFINITELY going insane!
{Past Flashfight faints on the floor.}
GUNHAVER: Well... that's nice. {looks around} But what is this place? Why here? Why not in... uh... Paradees Eland?
{Suddenly, an alarm blares while a red light flashes.}
GUNHAVER: What the...
{Suddenly, Dark Sapphire Robots surround Gunhaver and Past Flashfight with their blasters raised.}
GUNHAVER: Let me guess. In the end, I'll have to fight a generic future who wants to kill me to create a paradox.
{Cut to the Permission Building. Cut to a room inside the said building. Blue Laser and Max are watching a Blue Laser minion and an fCon Ninja fight each other. The Blue Laser minion attempts to punch the fCon Ninja, but the fCon Ninja jumps in the air, lands on the Blue Laser minion, dances on the Blue Laser minion's back, and jumps off. Then the fCon Ninja lands behind the Blue Laser minion and punches him in the back of the head, knocking the Blue Laser minion unconscious. These is a pause.}
BLUE LASER: GRR... BEST 271 OUT OF 541!!!!
MAX: Stop being so unreasonable. If your minion failed to defeat my ninja 270 times, what makes you think your minion can defeat my ninja 271 times?
BLUE LASER: LATORADE!!!
{Shadow walks onscreen.}
SHADOW: All right. It's time to stop wasting time. The meeting is about to start.
BLUE LASER: AND...?
SHADOW: If you don't come, then you can join Gyro in the...
MAX: {panicking} I'dliketoattendthemeetingthankyou!
{Cut to a meeting room with a pentagonal table. Shadow, Blue Laser, and Max sit on chairs on three of the sides. One of the sides has a black chair facing away from the table. The remaining side is empty, but is the closest to a wall with a curtained window.}
SHADOW: Okay, so our meeting shall begin. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Let's get to the good part.
MAX: Um... who is that sitting on the black chair?
SHADOW: Maybe if you let me finish what I'm saying, you'd know, you impatient freak!
MAX: {hurt} Hey! That's {points to Blue Laser} his status!
BLUE LASER: I KNOW. IT'S SAD!
SHADOW: Done with the stalling? Anyway, here's our new leader...
{The black chair rotates, revealing Black Laser facing the table.}
BLUE LASER: {shocked} GASP!
MAX: {simultaneously} Meh. This was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO obvious and expected.
BLACK LASER: {to Max} I feel no enthusiasm in my entrance. I must remember to kill... I mean... uh... kill you for this.
MAX: Yeah, yeah. I get that a lot.
SHADOW: Anyway, Black Laser and I have recently became aquainted with each other, and we pretty much made a plan which involves a common goal we all have. Do you know what that is?
MAX: The fall of my rival company, dCon!
BLACK LASER: NO! World domination, you foo!
MAX: Oh crap. That's the second time I get called a name that Blue Laser deserves more.
SHADOW: That's because you can't shut up. Anyway, this is our group, which is to be named...
BLACK LASER: THE LEGION OF TRIBULATION!!!!
SHADOW: Actu...
{Black Laser looks at Shadow, forcing Shadow to stop talking.}
MAX: Hey, I noticed something. {points to empty side of table} This table has five sides, and there are only four people. What the crap is up with that? Neodisportionalism?
SHADOW: No. And stop making up words.
{Shadow walks to the wall with the curtain close to the empty side.}
SHADOW: Meet member #3, higher than {to Max and Blue Laser} you two losers, and my programmer...
{Shadow opens the curtain to reveal a large, cyan face in front of a black screen. Cut to outside the Permission Building to reveal Beta Oyster next the building.}
BETA OYSTER: Hello conspirators and losers. I am Beta Oyster.
{Lightning strikes.}
BETA OYSTER: Whoever created that lightning will die in 15 seconds.
{A time appears, counting down from 15 seconds. When the timer's at 00.000001 seconds, cut to Gunhaver and Past Flashfight (on a floating stretcher) being led down a dark hallway by the Dark Sapphire Robots.}
GUNHAVER: So, is Dark Sapphire Laser still a Blue Laser wannabe?
DARK SAPPHIRE ROBOT: Speak again, and you will be assassinated and mutilated so you can be assimilated.
DARK SAPPHIRE ROBOT #2: That's not what assimilated means, Webster.
{The first Dark Sapphire Robot uses its blaster to blast the second Dark Sapphire Robot into smithereens.}
VOICE: {off-screen} Ugh, how many times did I tell you not to blast other robots who defy you, Webster?
DARK SAPPHIRE ROBOT: Aww...
{The bearer of the voice, Guntoshi, walks onscreen. Gunhaver looks shocked.}
GUNHAVER: GUNTOSHI??? OMG! Guntoshi joined the dark side! The world is doomed!
GUNTOSHI: Snap out of it! Do you know that you're in 20X6?
GUNHAVER: Uh... what's the difference?
GUNTOSHI: Our stupid show is over, Dark Sapphire Laser is defeated, and we stol... er... were given his reprogrammed robots that now serve us.
GUNHAVER: Hey, remember when I said 20X6 is barely different from 20X5.5?
GUNTOSHI: Yeah?
GUNHAVER: I lied. 20X6 seriously looks darker. I suggest some brightness enhancement, like Photoshop.
GUNTOSHI: Photoshop is too complicated! And besides, these are dark times.
GUNHAVER: Okay, so can I check my email?
GUNTOSHI: Meh, I don't see why not. {to another Dark Sapphire Robot} Chad, take Gunhaver to my computer.
DARK SAPPHIRE ROBOT #3: My name is not Chad! It's Chand...
{Guntoshi gets out his blaster and points it at Chad.}
CHAD: As you wish, sir.
{Cut to the room with the Eta 3140, which is turned on. Gunhaver goes to the computer and begins to type when Eta Dan appears on the screen.}
ETA DAN: There's no need to type, out-of-style young one.
{Pause.}
GUNHAVER: Pfft. Alpha Stan wannabe.
ETA DAN: {angrily} Hey! I heard that! You, Gunhaver, get only one email, and it's spam! Oh yeah, it's spam!
GUNHAVER: Poor Alpha Stan. His descendants lose their sanity generation by generation.
{The following email appears on the Eta screen. Eta Dan reads it.}
Subject: EchoHey dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
From, Ohh, pizza's ready!
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!!!
WAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP?????
GUNHAVER: You know. I think technology does suck as time goes on. {pause} I'm bored. I want to go into an adjoining room.
{Pan left to reveal a decorated entrance to the "Hall of Archives". Cut to an aisle of bookshelves in the Hall of Archives. Cut to Gunhaver walking down an aisle, looking around.}
GUNHAVER: As much as I hate books, books are probably replaced by holographic images. Plus, I want to know what happens in my future. {looks at a bookshelf} Hello? What's this?
{Gunhaver gets out a thin, plastic box labeled "2006 - The Cheat Commandos'...". The rest of the label is ripped off.}
GUNHAVER: Hmm... peculiar.
{Gunhaver pushes a button to make the box show several holographic images. The images include Blue Laser's involvement with the new villains, the Legion of Tribulation, and the Prototype. Another image pops up from the box, which is projected so that it's blocked from view by Gunhaver. Gunhaver rotates his head.}
GUNHAVER: Hmm... this says something. {reading} Operation R...
{Suddenly, a large laser beam shoots at the box and vaporizes it.}
GUNTOSHI: {off-screen} See? I told you that was too extreme! Not only that, but do you know how freakin' hard it is to make an archive box???
{Guntoshi and Zengar (with one of his cannons smoking) walk onscreen.}
ZENGAR: Sorry, sir.
GUNHAVER: Hey! I was reading!
GUNTOSHI: Well, I'll have you know that you are not allowed to know about your future. It creates paradoxes.
GUNHAVER: Who cares about paradoxes? I don't! Catch me if you can!
{Gunhaver runs to the left and runs into a wall, being knocked unconscious on the floor. Fade to black.}
VOICE: {off-screen} Wake up, Gunhaver.
{Cut to a POV of Gunhaver, with Gunhaver opening his eyes. He sees Guntoshi, Zengar, and a female doctor looking at him.}
GUNTOSHI: This is what you get for trying to mess with the time stream, with your destiny.
{Cut to Gunhaver and Past Flashfight strapped to a metallic, floating table. Guntoshi, Zengar, and the female doctor are standing by them. Hovering over the table is a laser gun and a large lamp pointing downwards at the table. Past Flashfight and G unhaver have metallic helmets on.}
GUNHAVER: Oh, so I'm supposed to do so you don't exist?
GUNTOSHI: Oh no. What you and the Flashfight from the extreme past are on is the Time Table, which can send both of you back to your rightful time periods. But first, we're modifying with Flashfight's memory due to overexposure to the future and paradoxes. His battle against Black Laser will be completely edited so that he'll remember the fight to take place on Mt. Slowmore. That way, he won't think about Shadow and things will make sense. Also, we'll give him a French accent for good measure in terms of making the time stream make sense!
GUNHAVER: That makes perfect sense!
ZENGAR: Yeah, but too bad your memory's being modified too!
GUNHAVER: What???
GUNTOSHI: You see, even though you visited the future already, long story short, you have to blame it on the Hall of Archives. If you still remember it when you're in 2006, controversies will be raised, and it'll result in paradoxes.
GUNHAVER: Is preventing paradoxes the new way of life now?
ZENGAR: Duh!
GUNTOSHI: So after your memories are modified, you'll be sent back to your respective time periods. And we need to do this as quick as possible, for we are in great danger, and since you're from the past...
GUNHAVER: ...we're the targets. How cliche.
GUNTOSHI: Yeah, well, originality isn't a big trend in the 20X0s. Anyway, {to doctor} Doctor Hopkins, make them unconscious and modify their memories.
DR. HOPKINS: Yes sir.
GUNHAVER: Wait! Since I'm not going to remember this anyway, can you tell me more about my future?
{Guntoshi looks at Dr. Hopkins, who shrugs.}
GUNTOSHI: All right. First, let me tell you that Foxychan is not your daughter.
GUNHAVER: The liar.
GUNTOSHI: Second of all, I'll tell you Shadow's identity.
{Guntoshi whispers into Gunhaver's ear. When Guntoshi finishes, Gunhaver starts to gain a surprised look, but Dr. Hopkins presses a button, knocking Gunhaver unconscious.}
GUNTOSHI: All right. Commence with the modification of their memories. And be efficient.
{Silura runs onscreen.}
SILURA: Master! We're being attacked! He's here!
{An alarm blares.}
GUNTOSHI: Crap! We must go quickly!
{Cut to the entrance of the Chibilichi Commandos HQ, where Death, a black Chibi with cyborgian attachments, runs inside and is confronted by two Dark Sapphire Robots. Death's arms turns into glowing swords. Then Death uses the swords to slash at the two robots, blowing them up. Death's arms turn back to normal. Guntoshi, Zengar, and Silura run onscreen.}
GUNTOSHI: Stop it right there, Death!
{Death throws an object at Zengar, completely vaporizing him. Then Death gets out a glowing saber.}
GUNTOSHI: Crap. We're doomed.
{Cut to Dr. Hopkins on a floating computer, modifying Gunhaver's and Past Flashfight's memories. Then a beep comes from the computer.}
DR. HOPKINS: All right. I'm done. Now all I need to do is to send them back home, and all will be fine.
DEATH: {off-screen} Oh, is that so?
{Death runs onscreen with the saber in one arm.}
DEATH: Hello Dr. Hopkins. I'm glad to see you were too slow in sending Gunhaver and Flashfight back to their right time periods. I'll thank you once in my life for that.
DR. HOPKINS: Well, if you want to kill them, {stands between Death and the Time Table} then you'll have to go through me first!
DEATH: You do realize that I killed almost all of the Chibilichi Commandos, all of their defenses, and I have a deadly saber that can kill you in one stab.
{Pause.}
DR. HOPKINS: Uh... do you suppose we could make negotiations?
DEATH: No! Now, stand aside! I have a paradox to make, and thankfully, my suit is made of Butterfly Effect energy, so a paradox is inevitable, so don't even think of a happy ending.
VOICE: {off-screen} NOOOOO!!! STOP!!!! I WON'T LET YOU DESTROY THE TIME STREAM! I WON'T LET YOU DESTROY EVERYONE'S DESTINIES!!!!
{The bearer of the voice, Carteen Sraven, jumps onscreen from the left and tackles Death to the floor. Dr. Hopkins watches as they continue fighting on the floor.}
CARTEEN: {struggling} Dr. Hopkins! Finish the job! Send them back! Then all will be safe for the time stream!
{Carteen throws Death off-screen to the right and runs after Death. Dr. Hopkins goes to the floating computer and presses five buttons. Suddenly, the Time Table glows before there's a flash of light. When the light fades, Gunhaver and Past Flashfight are gone. Dr. Hopkins is looking to the right, alarmed.}
DR. HOPKINS: Wait! No! Don't fight near the tank of preserved nitroglycerine! If you do, we...
{Suddenly, glass breaking is heard. Cut to the exterior of the Chibilichi Commandos HQ, which suddenly blows up, spreading glass shards and debris all around the area. After a long pause, Ree runs onscreen.}
REE: Guys? Anyone? People who I want to be friends with?
{Ree turns around with redder eyes.}
RYUE: {voice coming from Ree} They're not your friends, nor will they ever be!
{Ree turns around with his normal eyes.}
REE: But what happened to them?
{Ree turns around with redder eyes.}
RYUE: {voice coming from Ree} They're dead.
{Ree turns around with his normal eyes.}
REE: What??? They died??? How?
{Ree turns around with redder eyes.}
RYUE: {voice coming from Ree} Maybe if you pay attention to all of this destruction, you'd have an idea, you wannabe.
{Cut to Gunhaver lying in a sleeping bag in the Cheat Commandos HQ. Foxface, Reinforcements, and Silent Rip are standing around him, looking concerned. Gunhaver slowly wakes up.}
GUNHAVER: Ugh... {notices Foxface, Reinforcements, and Silent Rip} what the crap are you doing here, standing around me, watching me sleep? It sounds disturbing!
FOXFACE: At least you're okay!
REINFORCEMENTS: What happened, Gunhaver? We haven't heard from you at all ever since you left on your mission, and suddenly, you appeared in your computer room, unconscious!
GUNHAVER: Well, I shut down the cloning machine and then... I fought a flying taco.
{Pause.}
GUNHAVER: Would you rather say I time traveled, even though I have no idea why I just said that?
{Cut to Black Laser standing on top of the Persimmon Building, looking at Cheat City, which looks cloudy. There are factories spewing out smoke in the background.}
BLACK LASER: So, this is the world of the 21st century. It sucks. My grandmother can rule the world better than this!
{Zoom in on Black Laser.}
BLACK LASER: But things will change. Once Operation R...
{Suddenly, we cut to a black screen with the message "The email had to end here due to the risk of revealing too much." Alpha Stan appears on the screen and delivers his message.}
Click here to email Gunhaver at GEmail.exe
Easter Eggs
- Click on Gunhaver when he says "Paradees Eland" to see a new postcard of Paradees Eland, which has a sunset, palm trees, water, and Cheats running from a maniac with a chainsaw. The words "Wish you were here" are written on the postcard.
- Click on Blue Laser when he says "LATORADE" to see a Photoshopped bottle of Gatorade. Differences include the word "LATORADE" on the label and the liquid being just water with a piece of paper that says "Later!"
Fun Facts
- To learn why Gunhaver's with Past Flashfight, why they are in the future, or why Black Laser's in 2006, read this email.
- Paradees Eland is from Time Traveling.
- "In the end, I'll have to fight a generic future who wants to kill me to create a paradox." was what happened in Bttp.
- The Persimmon Building is from Black Laser.
- Latorade is based on Gatorade.
- Beta Oyster (based on Beta Clam) is from HAL 9000.
- Webster refers to the Webster's Dictionary.
- Gunhaver's response to Guntoshi's appearance is a reference to Stealing.
- Gunhaver and Guntoshi reference Photoshop and Shim-Sham-Sam's opinion on the program.
- The Eta 3140 and Eta Dan first appear in Guntoshi: 20X6.
- Guntoshi's explanation of what's going to happen to Flashfight references the rumor about Flashfight and Black Laser fighting on Mt. Slowmore, the previous email, and his accent in the early emails.
- Foxychan told Gunhaver she's his daughter in fashion.
- Click here to learn about the Butterfly Effect in this email show.
- Click here to read about nitroglycerine.
- This is another instance of the Flying Tacos gag.
