Other Character Email Gunhaver/Evil
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Summary
Gunhaver doesn't feel like answering an email, but Blue Laser does. After Contestro Sevornkey tries to join Blue Laser again, Blue Laser finally forces the secret out of Arrowhaver. Then Reynold gets a scare at the Cheat Commandos HQ's grove.
Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Blue Laser, Carl, Lenny, Arrowhaver, Contestro Sevnornkey, Pineface
Lines: 91
Transcript
{Cut to a white background. The Cheat Commandos logo spins around.}
ANNOUNCER: {voiceover} And now, a word from a sponser... er, sponsor.
{Then we see a box of Bread and Sugar.}
2ND ANNOUNCER: {voiceover} Kids! Kids! Kids! If you eat Bread and Sugar, a non-nutritional but tasty part of your unbalanced breakfast, you can compete in a contest to win new playsets and toys that still have to see the light of day! So buy Bread and Sugar!
{Then the Cheat Commando logo replaces the box of Bread and Sugar.}
1ST ANNOUNCER: {voiceover} And now, we go to today's episode of Gunhaver email.
3RD ANNOUNCER: {voiceover} Um, isn't it supposed to be Cheat Commandos?
1ST ANNOUNCER: {voiceover} Um... nah.
{Cut to Gunhaver in front of the Delta 1001. begins to type, but he hesitates.}
GUNHAVER: Meh. I don't feel like answering an email today. I have an idea.
{Then Gunhaver types inforward to a random person. Then he gets the reply
Message forwarded.}
GUNHAVER: Now it's time to remind Reynold of his chores.
{Then Gunhaver leaves. Then we cut to the Blue Laser HQ, where Blue Laser is in front of his supercomputer with Carl and Lenny standing by him.}
BLUE LASER: SO YOU'RE SAYING THAT THIS EMAIL THING IS POPULAR?
CARL: Everybody seems to be doing it, sir.
BLUE LASER: THEN GET ON IT WITH!
{Then Lenny types on the Blue Laser supercomputer to make the following email appear. Carl reads it for him.}
Dear JERK,
I'm joining the dark side whether you like
it or not! And don't try to knock me out
and drag me back there again.
Your enemy, (and don't forget it!)
Contestro Sevornkey
P.S. No Star Wars referances
CARL: The email is from Contestro Sevornkey, sir.
BLUE LASER: I KNOW! HE WAS THE GUY WITH THE AFRO WHO TRIED JOINING BLUE LASER! WELL, IT'S A GOOD THING HE'S JOINING THE DARK SIDE, THE CHEAT COMMANDOS! BUT HOW DARE HE CALL ME A JERK!
{Then sirens blare. Arrowhaver comes with a portable monitor.}
ARROWHAVER: Blue Laser. There's that guy with the afro at the door!
{Then we see Contestro's face on the monitor.}
BLUE LASER: WHAT? WHY THE CRAP IS HE HERE?
{Then we cut to the front door of the Blue Laser HQ, which actually looks like the front door to Blue Laser's nana's house (that's the front), where Blue Laser, Arrowhaver, Carl, and Lenny are standing in front of Contestro.}
CONTESTRO SEVORNKEY: Um, hello Blue Laser. I would like to join your organization again.
BLUE LASER: DON'T EVEN TRY! I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO JOIN THE CHEAT COMMANDOS! THE DARK SIDE!
CONTESTRO SEVORNKEY: But, you are the dark side.
BLUE LASER: OH, THAT'S IT! I'VE ALWAYS HATED YOU FOR YOUR STUPID AFRO, BUT NOW YOU CALL ME EVIL? WELL, I AM EVIL, BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT! WELL, MAYBE IT IS.
ARROWHAVER: Get to the point.
BLUE LASER: SHUT UP! {to Contestro} AND AS FOR YOU, BUZZ OFF FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY, YOU DISCO FREAK! YOU ENEMY!
{Then Blue Laser slams the door in Contestro's face, literally, breaking his sunglasses. Then we see Contestro sullenly walking down a sidewalk.}
CONTESTRO: Now what do I do? I betrayed the Cheat Commandos, and Blue Laser does not want me. And I hate dancing, since nobody dances to disco anymore. I ought to join the Rusty Duck Clan. I think they're pretty cool.
{Then we cut back to the inside of the Blue Laser HQ, where Blue Laser is standing in a kitchen while Arrowhaver is sitting on Blue Laser's chair, drinking a smoothie.}
BLUE LASER: OKAY. SO, NOW ARE YOU READY TO GIVE ME THE INFORMATION OF THE SECRET ENTRANCE TO THE CHEAT COMMANDOS HQ?
ARROWHAVER: You know, your service is great and all. That's why I'm not going to tell you, ever.
BLUE LASER: Well, there's only one thing left to do. I've tried all options, but now I have to pry the secret from you with force!
ARROWHAVER: What?
{Then we cut to Arrowhaver with blank eyes, strapped to a chair with a helmet over his head. Blue Laser, Carl, and Lenny are there.}
BLUE LASER: ALL RIGHT! SO TELL US ABOUT THE INFORMATION ABOUT THE SECRET ENTRANCE TO THE CHEAT COMMANDOS HQ!
ARROWHAVER: {in a trance} Why, most certainly, master.
{Then we cut to a white background with the Cheat Commandos HQ on one side and the Blue Laser HQ on the other.}
ARROWHAVER: {trance and voiceover} There is a pipe system with a large, empty pipe under both HQs. {a large pipe appears under the two HQs} Months ago, the Cheat Commandos tried to infiltrate your HQ by digging a hole from their basement, where the floor is made of earth, to the pipe to your HQ. {we see a manmade tunnel from the Cheat Commandos HQ to the pipe} But then they got lazy or lost public interest, so they stopped digging right when they could have dug some more to get into the pipe. {then we see the tunnel shorten so that one end is close to the pipe, but not close enough} So the plan is, we gain access to that pipe from the basement of your HQ {stairs appear to connect Blue Laser's HQ with the pipe}, go some distance, and dig at the earth above and go through the tunnel and go into the Cheat Commandos HQ without being detected. The plan is foolproof.
{Then we cut back to the room. Carl presses a button on a remote control to release Arrowhaver from his trance.}
ARROWHAVER: Ugh, what was that? This does decrease your chances of knowing the secret!
BLUE LASER: SHUT UP AND GET READY TO DIG!
ARROWHAVER: I'm not going to do any of that hard labor crap. And you won't be able to know the secret.
BLUE LASER: SHUT UP AND GET READY TO DIG IN A PIPE SO THE TUNNEL FROM THE PIPE TO THE CHEAT COMMANDOS HQ'S BASEMENT CAN BE FINISHED!
ARROWHAVER: I told you the secret? Crap. Now my dignity in here is gone.
{Then we cut to the Cheat Commandos HQ grove, where Reynold is walking towards some trees with a chainsaw.}
REYNOLD: {muttering} Stupid Gunhaver. Why does he want me to cut these trees down? Because he enjoys making me do this hard labor crap. I wish my dad, Ryenold, is here right now.
{Then Reynold turns on the chainsaw, and suddenly, we hear screaming.}
VOICE: STOP! TURN THAT OFF!
REYNOLD: Oh no! The trees are ALIVE!!! AHHHHHHH!!!
{Reynold runs off (dropping his glasses). Then Pineface walks away from the grove, where he was concealed because he looked like a tree.}
PINEFACE: Great. There's another one who thinks I'm a tree.
{Then the Paper comes down, saying Click here to email Gunhaver at gunhaver@homestarrunner.com.}
Easter Eggs
- Click on Pineface to make him talk to the camera:
PINEFACE: Yeah, my name is Pineface and I look like a tree. What are you going to do about it? Tease me? Because then {gets hurt} you'd hurt my feelings!
- Click on the sewer lid on the street to see this:
{Cut to Arrowhaver in a closet, looking for something (obviously, something to dig with.}
ARROWHAVER: Oh, stupid me! I knew that I should have joined another cool organization, like the Cheat Rangers!
Fun Facts
- Bread and sugar was an email rap for Sttstis, and it later appeared in another Gunhaver email. Finally, it appeared in Bread, where Reynold is stuck with a lifetime supply of bread.
- Two emails ago (Star Wars), Gunhaver and Silent Rip saved Contestro Sevornkey from the "dark side," so this shows how "generous" Contestro is.
- The dark side is a reference to Star Wars
- Because the previous Star Wars email was Star Wars themed, I had to put in the Arrowhaver telling Blue Laser the secret in this email unexpectedly so I wouldn't just be copying off of a recently made email. Plus, the sender added in a postscript to not make any Star Wars references.
- Blue Laser calling the Cheat Commandos the dark side and getting mad that he was called evil is referring to the Tampo email dark side, and probably some other emails where Tampo, Brody, and Stlunko are called evil.
- The reason why Contestro decided to join the Rusty Duck Clan is because it says so in his bio in here, where he even has a large RDC robot.
- The Rusty Duck Clan is from Matt Wilson's High Score and Bonus Stage.
- The secret was first mentioned in Training, and the secret is why Arrowhaver remains to be a Blue Laser member, only he's treated like a king.
- Blue Laser's plan using his newfound information will be important to future emails, especially email 50.
- Pineface was a fake character made in the Cheat Commandos Characters section.
- So is Ryenold, Reynold's father (who is a spy, which was why Reynold wanted his help).
- The Cheat Rangers (made up of Blast Maverick, Frostbite, and Power Punch) first appeared in Black Laser, then in Crapbert, and finally in Robbery and Texas.
