Other Character Email Gunhaver/Rated G
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
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Summary
Gunhaver goes to do something edgy/not appropriate by the Wiki's standards. Because of that, 4Wimps takes over the show.
Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Alpha Stan, Ambulance Cheats, Doctor, JJJ, Reynold, Stinkoman, Jaro, Silent Rip, Fightgar, Flashfight, Reinforcements, Foxface, Ripberger
Lines: 153
Page Title: Is it okay to jusy say "Alpha 1260" here?
Transcript
{Cut to Gunhaver in front of the Alpha 1260.}
GUNHAVER: Ever wonder where ideas for email intros come from? I'm starting to run a little short on them.
Hello Gunhaver, you have 20 new emails.
{Gunhaver presses a button to make the following email appear on the screen.}
Subject: None. I guess some people don't know yetDear Gunhaver,
I heard that you're in a fix. So I found the solution: Neutering! It'll take care of all your manly problems by making them disappear! My men will be there to "escort" you to the vet in about oh-now-hundred. Whether you like it or not.
Mwahahahaha-erson
Say good-bye to your manlihood,
GUNHAVER: {reading} Dear the best Cheat Commando ever, I heard that you're in a fix. So I found the solution: Neutrons! I mean... Neutering! It'll take care of all of your blah, blah, blah, blah... et cetera, too long to quotation marks escort end quotation marks you to the vet in about oh... NOW!!! One hundred whethers you like it or not. Say good-bye to your manlihood, {laughs hysterically and evilly} erson.
{Gunhaver clears the screen and begins typing.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} Uh... I don't have a clue on what you just said. But I do wonder if this can make me successfully sue Dr. Croctor.
{A doorbell ringing is heard.}
GUNHAVER: Ooh! Must be my present for Reynold, a man-eating toupee!
{Cut to the HQ's front door. Gunhaver opens it to reveal two Cheats dressed in white.}
AMBULANCE CHEAT #1: Are you Gunhaver?
GUNHAVER: {sarcastically} No, I'm Leonardo Da Vinci.
AMBULANCE CHEAT #2: You are???
GUNHAVER: It's just a random sarcastic outburst. Of course I am Gunhaver!
AMBULANCE CHEAT #1: Oh, very well then. You are who we want. Come with us in the nice, little ambulance.
{Cut to an ambulance, which is small.}
GUNHAVER: {off-screen} Well, it is little.
{Cut to a hospital room. A doctor is talking to Gunhaver.}
DOCTOR: Hello Gunhaver. You are goign to have a surgery that will make you...
{Suddenly, we cut to a Cheat in a dark room.}
CHEAT: Hello. My name is John Jonnathan Johnson, the boss of 4Wimps. I'm here to censor and ban the 78th Gunhaver Email because it is extremely inappropriate for children all around the world. This is good enough to cancel the show altogether, particularly after this incident in a related show...
{Cut to some static. Cut to Reynold in The Screen room.}
REYNOLD: Oh, I can't do anything right. I might as well go home and get teen pregnant.
{Cut to some static. Cut to JJJ in the dark room.}
JJJ: Such a shame. Ratings went down, which was why we were hired. And now, let me explain what we do.
{Captions that say "WARNING: Boring explanation ahead!" flash for a second.}
JJJ: We work to censor and dub shows that are violent, which include shows like "Cheat Commandos" or {shudders} anime. Those shows make us wonder if people were born naturally evil. I mean, take a look at these charts!
{JJJ gets out a line graph that shows a red line going up. It's labeled "A Generic Line Graph That Doesn't Show Much."}
JJJ: I mean, look at these charts! They're so complicated, even I can't read them! So, it's our job to make people naturally good by censoring to make them kid-friendly. Here's an example.
{Cut to a TV. On the TV screen is Stinkoman and a Jaro looking at each other at a field.}
STINKOMAN: Is this stupid Jaro asking for a challenge???
{Jaro jumps at Stinkoman as he shoots a fireball. Suddenly, JJJ changes the channel to show the same show, but it's censored. For example, instead of the 20X6 field, the setting is a pink field with flowers, a sun with a smiley face, and a rainbow.}
STINKOMAN: {old man's voice} I think you're the best! Do you want ice cream? Let's go get ice cream!
{Cut to a happy looking Stinkoman and Jaro eating ice cream in front of the rainbow. The words that say, "And they ate happily ever after" appear before JJJ turns the TV off.}
JJJ: It's really fortunate that violent shows for children are given a chance to be appropriate so they can be popular and loved. Now watch how we censor a violent Gunhaver Email into something appropriate by our standards.
{Cut to Gunhaver in front of the Alpha Happy 1260. In this toon, Gunhaver will talk in a high-pitched voice.}
GUNHAVER: I think that Blue Laser is okay very much!
{Alpha Stan's voice sounds like it did in Stealing.}
Hello Gunhaver, you have 19 new emails
{Gunhaver presses a button to make the following email appear on the screen.}
Subject: GunIf you have a gun, why don't you just shoot
Blue Laser and get it over with
-Dylan
{Suddenly, the toon freezes.}
JJJ: {off-screen} As you see here, the email deals with violence in terms of murder for no reasonable reason. In other words, it's PG-13 or above violence, which is not good for the children. And so, we can use this.
{The email on the Alpha screen changes to this. The toon remains to be frozen.}
Subject: HUGIf you have HANDS, why don't you just HUG
Blue Laser and get it over with
-Dylan
JJJ: {off-screen} Unfortunately, that may raise issues about the creator of the show starting to become edgy, for this is obscurely inappropriate for children. So, let's change it again.
{The email on the Alpha screen changes to this.}
Subject: FRIENDSIf you have a HEART, why don't you just HANG
OUT WITH Blue Laser and get it over with
-Dylan
JJJ: {off-screen} However, since we're probably 108% sure that kids can't read, there will be no text in this email at all.
{The text on the Alpha disappear. The toon continues (note that from here, lip-synching will be WAY off).}
GUNHAVER: {reading} If you have a heart, why don't you just hang out with Blue Laser and get it over with Dylan?
{No words appear on the screen as Gunhaver types.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} Well Dylan, I think that is the bestest idea in the whole world! I will gather up my friends and meet Blue Laser outside!
{Cut to a room with Gunhaver, Silent Rip, and Fightgar.}
GUNHAVER: Hiya dudes! We're gonna go to Blue Laser and be his friend!
FIGHTGAR: {speaks in a woman's voice} Yay!!!
SILENT RIP: {in a very low and distorted voice} But Gunhava, isn't Blue Laser one of our not-friends?
GUNHAVER: {to Silent Rip} Don't worry, Pablo, for us Cheat Commandos can do everything! Let's go to Blue Laser's house right now!
{Cut to a field. Gunhaver, Fightgar, and Silent Rip/Pablo walk up to Blue Laser. The letters ("BL") on his suit are gone.}
GUNHAVER: Hey Blue Laser!
{Blue Laser raises his fist angrily.}
BLUE LASER: {in a quiet, raspy voice} Hello Gunhaver! Nice to meet you today!
{Gunhaver, Fightgar, and Silent Rip/Pablo point their hands at Blue Laser.}
GUNHAVER: We're going to play today! Want to play with us?
{Now, Blue Laser is in a stage of manic rage.}
BLUE LASER: {happily} Sure! I'd like to come! Let's go to the ice cream mall and eat yogurt!
{Cut to Gunhaver, Fightgar, and Silent Rip chasing Blue Laser while pointing their hands at Blue Laser in a grey room. Some children song is playing as the background music. Cut to a sock puppet of Gunhaver, Fightgar, Silent Rip/Pablo, and Blue Laser, playing "tag". Cut to Gunhaver (normal), Fightgar, and Silent Rip/Pablo running away from a ruined building, although cheap graphics have been used to hide the damage. Cut to Gunhaver, Fightgar, and Silent Rip/Pablo in a room.}
GUNHAVER: That was the funnest!
FIGHTGAR: Yeah!
GUNHAVER: Now let's go eat doughnuts!
{Cut to Gunhaver, Fightgar, and Silent Rip/Pablo happily (digitially modified) eating cookies. Pan out to reveal that this was being shown on TV. JJJ turns the TV off.}
JJJ: As you can see here, we do an excellent job at dubbing and censoring toons, thank you very much.
GUNHAVER: {off-screen} YOU GUYS SUCK!!!
{Gunhaver walks onscreen, angry.}
GUNHAVER: You guys ruined our dignity with those stupid voices that don't match, the stupid ideas that came from those heads that try to pass off as ours, and you took out the best scene!
JJJ: Which is what? Something related to violence?
GUNHAVER: Well... actually... yes. It's this...
{Cut to Gunhaver, Fightgar, and Silent Rip with pistols chasing a screaming Blue Laser in a grey room. Cut back to JJJ and Gunhaver.}
JJJ: That wasn't taken out. That was modified.
GUNHAVER: Same thing. They will both earn you a big beating...
{Fightgar, Silent Rip, Flashfight, Reinforcements, Foxface, and Ripberger walk onscreen.}
FLASHFIGHT: ...from all of us.
JJJ: Now, now, people. We have to be nice and appropriate for the aud... AHHH!!!
{The Cheat Commandos jump and JJJ and start beating him up.}
JJJ: Somebody censor this!
VOICE: {off-screen} No way! This is FUN!!!
JJJ: Why you rotten...
{Cut to this.}
One "inappropriate" insult later...
{Cut to Gunhaver at the Alpha 1260.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} And that is why 4Wimps SUCKS!
Click here to email Gunhaver at GEmail.exe
Easter Eggs
- Click on Alpha Stan at the end to see this:
ALPHA STAN: {in voice in the dub} Hello Gunhaver, what do you think about this voice?
GUNHAVER: If you talk to me like that again, you're going to get to know the Orange 02 and Delta 1001.
ALPHA STAN: {in normal voice} I am shutting up now.
- Click on 4Wimps to see a part of the original version of the censored email:
{Cut to Gunhaver, Silent Rip, Fightgar, and Blue Laser in a field.}
GUNHAVER: Blue Laser, you're going down!
{Blue Laser raises his fist angrily.}
BLUE LASER: NO YOU'RE NOT! NICE GUYS ALWAYS FINISH LAST!!!
{Gunhaver, Fightgar, and Silent Rip get out their pistols and point them at Blue Laser.}
GUNHAVER: I don't think so! We have guns! You have tissue that we can blast bullets through!
{Blue Laser is in a state of manic rage.}
BLUE LASER: YOU GUYS ARE SOOOO CHEAP!
{Cut to Gunhaver, Fightgar, and Silent Rip with pistols chasing a screaming Blue Laser in a grey room. Cut to Gunhaver, Fightgar, and Silent Rip running away from a ruined building (smoke is billowing from a hole in the building). Cut to Gunhaver, Fightgar, and Silent Rip in a room.}
GUNHAVER: We killed Blue Laser!
FIGHTGAR: But this is non-canon!
GUNHAVER: WHAT???
Fun Facts
- The title of this email is the rating given to movies suitable for all ages.
- Gunhaver mentioning suing Dr. Croctor references to Health and Judge Anonymousy.
- Leonardo da Vinci is a famous Renaissance artist. One of his famous artworks is the Mona Lisa.
- 4Wimps (which is based on 4Kids) censored Showdown and gave a message in the last email.
- Reynold's line is from Commandos in the Classroom. That line was probably a reason why some people didn't like the toon and thought the Brother Chaps were getting "edgy".
- An example of a show where text is absent in the dubbed version is Yu-Gi-Oh.
