Other Character Email Gunhaver/Star Wars
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Summary
Contestro sevornkey (a.k.a. Umdero Sadorksy) joins the dark side of the Force!
Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Silent Rip as Silent Padawan, Flashfight as Master Flashfight, Blue Battle Droids, Blue Laser as Darth Laser, Darth Arrow, Contestro Sevornkey as Darth Sadorksy, Steve as Darth Steve (Easter egg)
Lines: 89
Transcript
{We hear drums. Then we cut to the FOX logo (the first logo that you see when you see a Star Wars movie), only it says EMAIL. Music plays before we cut to the next logo, which says "Shim-Sham-Scripts." Then we see this: "In the present, in a place not so far away..."}
{Then the Star Wars theme song begins playing as we see the words "Cheat Commando Wars" in place of "Star Wars." As the big words go up, we see "Episode #". Then we see "A New Menace." Suddenly, the Star Wars music is played in extremely fast motion as the words go up in a blur. Then it goes back in normal speed when the opening ends. Then we pan down to a view of Earth. Then we fade to black.}
{Then we cut to Cheat City (Star Wars style), which looks like Coruscant. It has a lot of skyscrapers and the traffic is made up of speeder and hovercrafts flying around. Then we cut to the Cheat Commandos HQ, which looks like the Jedi Temple. Then we cut to one of the rooms, where Gunhaver is on the Delta 1001. He types ingunhaver_email.exe.}
GUNHAVER: May the Force be with this email.
{Then Gunhaver presses enter to make the following email appear. Gunhaver reads it, but he struggles at the name.}
Dear G-Haver,
I have decided to join the dark side!
From,
Contestro Sevornkey
GUNHAVER: Oh! You know about my favorite nickname! {typing} And you're not Contestro Sevornkey, you're Umdero Sadorksy. But that name is getting old. Fine, I'll call you Contestro Sevornkey. But, you {gasps and stops typing} joined the dark side??? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And you had a pretty high midi-chlorian count! No, you MUST come back! {calling out to his right} SILENT RIP... I mean, SILENT PADAWAN!!!
{Then we cut to Gunhaver and Silent Padawan in front of the Cheat Commando Council, which currently consists of only Master Flashfight.}
GUNHAVER: Yeah, Contestro Sevornkey has joined the dark side.
Master Flashfight: {gasps} Oh my Cornbread! Contestro Sevornkeee ees one of ze most valuable Padawans wee can have! Hee has one of the highest meedee-chloreean count! Rescue heem from the dark side beefore eet's too late!
Gunhaver and Silent Padawan: It will be done, Master.
{Then we cut to space. A Cheat Commando cruiser is flying through space at the speed of light. Then we cut to the cockpit of the cruiser, where Gunhaver and Silent Padawan are standing by a droid pilot.}
Silent Padawan: Are we there yet?
Droid: No.
Silent Padawan: Are we there yet?
Droid: No.
Silent Padawan: Are we there yet?
Droid: No.
Silent Padawan: Are we there yet?
Droid: No.
{slight pause}
Silent Padawan: Are we there yet?
Droid: No.
GUNHAVER: Patience, Silent Padawan. But seriously, you're getting on my nerves.
Silent Padawan: Are we there yet?
Droid: No.
Silent Padawan: Are we there yet?
Droid: No.
Silent Padawan: Are we there yet?
Droid: {droid sigh} Yes, we're finally at Blue Planet.
{Then we see the Cheat Commando Cruiser landing on a landing platform in Blue Planet, which is a mechanical fortress of a planet. Gunhaver and Silent Padawan get off.}
GUNHAVER: I've got a bad feeling about this.
Silent Padawan: It's quiet. Too quiet.
{Just then, the Cheat Commando Cruiser blows up. Suddenly, Gunhaver and Silent Padawan are surrounded by blue battle droids.}
Leader battle droid: Drop your weapons. I said drop 'em.
{Suddenly, Gunhaver and Silent Padawan take out their lightsabers and light them (Gunhaver's is green and Silent Padawan's is yellow).}
Leader battle droid: Correct me if I'm wrong, but are you asking us for a challenge?
{Then the blue battle droids begin shooting blue lasers at Gunhaver and Silent Rip. They furiously slash with their lightsabers to deflect the lasers back at the droids, destroying them. After that, they run towards a large blue fortress while cutting down the droids with their lightsabers. Soon, they enter the fortress and shut the doors to prevent the remaining droids to attack them.}
GUNHAVER: Man, that was fun.
{Then we see what they're looking at. Darth Laser, Darth Arrow, and their new member, Darth Sadorksy. All brandish their blue lightsabers and ignite them.}
Darth Laser: PREPARE TO BE CRUSHED, CHEAT COMMANDO SCUM!
Silent Padawan: Hey! Three against two isn't fair!
GUNHAVER: Wait, isn't there supposed to be two people at a time using the dark side of the Force?
Darth Laser: WHAT? THE RULE SAYS ONLY TWO??? DARTH ARROW! YOU LIED TO ME!
{Then Darth Laser shoots lightning at Darth Arrow, sending him away. Then he turns to Darth Sadorksy.}
Darth Laser: YOU'RE FIRED!
{Then we see the following message.}
BACK TO REALITY
{Then we cut to Gunhaver (regular) in front of the Delta 1001 in the regular Cheat Commandos HQ.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} So in the end, we got you to rejoin the Cheat Commandos. But as for Arrowhaver and Blue Laser, why does Blue Laser want to keep Arrowhaver instead of you? And what is this secret?
{Then we see the following message.}
BACK TO STAR WARS
{Then we see Darth Arrow running around a corridor. Suddenly, he goes to a dead end. Then Darth Laser uses the Force to throw Darth Arrow into a wall and pins him onto the wall using the Force.}
Darth Arrow: No! Don't do this to me!
Darth Laser: OH SHUT UP! NOW FORK OVER THE SECRET BEFORE I GET REALLY MAD!
{Then Darth Laser ignites his blue lightsaber.}
Darth Arrow: But if you kill me, I won't be here to tell you the secret!
Darth Laser: WELL, IF YOU DON'T TELL ME THE SECRET, THEN YOU WON'T LIVE!
Darth Arrow: And you'll never crush the Cheat Commandos!
{Then Darth Laser releases Darth Arrow onto the ground as he turns off his lightsaber.}
Darth Laser: CRAP! I GOT OUTSMARTED AGAIN! ANYWAY, {to the ceiling} NEXT TIME, GUNAHVER!! NEXT TIME!
{Then a hologram appears, saying: Click here to email Gunhaver at gunhaver@homestarrunner.com.}
Easter Eggs
- Click on Darth Laser's lightsaber to see this:
{We see Darth Laser standing over Silent Padawan, who is hanging onto a platform over an abyss.}
Silent Padawan: You killed my father!
Darth Laser: NO, I AM YOUR FATHER!
Silent Padawan: Oh that's just too cliché and wrong.
- Click on a hologram projector to see this:
{We cut to a black background as we see the words said by a person.}
ANNOUNCER: Next time, on Cheat Commandos Wars.
{Then we see Darth Laser, Darth Arrow, and Darth Steve standing in front of Gunhaver and Silent Padawan.}
Darth Laser: WE WILL CRUSH YOU!!!
Darth Arrow: And the Cheat Commandos will fall.
Darth Steve: Darth Steve, that's right!
GUNHAVER: Um, you broke the rule of two again.
Darth Laser: CRAP!
Fun Facts
- There are too many obvious Star Wars references in this email, that I won't describe them. You can look for them. They're everywhere.
- The title of this "movie" (A New Menace) is a combination of the names for Star Wars Episode I (The Phantom Menace) and Episode IV (A New Hope).
- Contestro Sevornkey (a.k.a. Umdero Sadorksy) first emailed Gunhaver in Bread.
- What the leader blue battle droid says after Gunhaver and Silent Padawan ignite their lightsabers is based on what Stinkoman first says in 20X6 vs. 1936, and later in Under Construction.
- Originally, Gunhaver and Silent Padawan were supposed to rescue Steve (the Cheat in the Easter egg) after Gunhaver calls Contestro Sevornkey that, but because Contestro Sevornkey was added onto the Cheat Commandos Characters section after I wrote most of this (but before I published this), I had to change the email a bit.
- Darth Steve (or Steve) was made in the Cheat Commandos Characters section. He is supposed to be like Meowth from Pokemon. This is why he says "Darth Steve, that's right!" in the Easter egg (Meowth says "Meowth, that's right!" after a motto in every episode).
- The second Easter egg suggests that Cheat Commandos Wars is not a series of movies, but a TV series.
- Blue Laser being an equivalent to the Sith is because of what was said in this email.
- To understand what the secret was about (the reason why Darth Laser was beating up Darth Arrow), you'll have to read this.
- G-Haver is a nickname Gunhaver likes. It was first mentioned in New Mission.
- This is the first time The Paper does not appear at the end.
- If this is an actual flash cartoon, if you pause when the words in the beginning speed up, you'll just see a big blur.
