Other Character Email Gunhaver/Squid
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Summary
Gunhaver expresses his views on the relationship between squids and violence in a comic.
Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Alpha Stan, Greaser, Jocko, That Nerd, Tubby, Blue Laser, General Squid, Squids, Giant Squid, Arrowhaver, Mario (Easter Egg)
Lines: 195
Page Title: Alpha Cheat Squid 8
Transcript
{Cut to Gunhaver in front of the Alpha 1260.}
GUNHAVER: And-l-t-semi-colon. Insert-cool-email-intro-here. And-g-t-semi-colon.
Hello Gunhaver. You have 23 emails.
{Gunhaver presses a button and makes the following email appear on the screen. Gunhaver reads the email, making a strong "K" sound effect for "kreeped".}
Subject: SquidDear Gunhaver..,
Squidless in District of Columbia.
Do you like squids? Because my girlfriend
doesn't... mostly because she's kreeped out by them.
I've tried the whole Psychiatric therapist thing,
but nothing seems to work out. Please help
me Gunhaver...
GUNHAVER: {typing} Squids, eh? Now, I know that it's become stereotypical that squids are giant monsters seeking world domination. Well, guess what? That's because they ARE... evil. Your girlfriend has all of the rights to be Kreeped out by them. The only time you should consult a psychiatrist in terms of squids is when you or a person close to you has been attacked or killed by a squid.
{Gunhaver clears the screen.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} You think I'm kidding? Well, check out my new sprite comic!
{Gunhaver types in "tcs4.png" and presses enter. The following is shown on the screen.}
Click here to see the comic, for real.
{Cut to a splash screen with large words that say "TEEN CHEAT SQUAD!!! SPRITE COMIC SPECIAL EDITION! By Gunhaver".}
NARRATOR GUNHAVER: Teen Cheat Squad! SPRITE COMIC SPECIAL EDITION!
{Cut to a Greaser sprite with the words "That Was Then, This Is Now" next to him.}
NARRATOR GUNHAVER: Greaser!
{Cut to a Jocko sprite with the words "The School Story Starring School" next to him.}
NARRATOR GUNHAVER: Jocko!
{Cut to a That Nerd sprite with the words "Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home" next to him.}
NARRATOR GUNHAVER: That Nerd!
{Cut to a Tubby sprite with the words "Super Size Me!" next to him.}
NARRATOR GUNHAVER: Tubby!
{Cut to a splash screen with the large words that Narrator Gunhaver reads out.}
NARRATOR GUNHAVER: And a special guest appearance made by...
{Cut to a Gunhaver sprite with the words "Gunhaver Almighty" next to him.}
NARRATOR GUNHAVER: ...ME! THE BEST GUY EVER!!!!
{Cut to Tubby facing Greaser, Jocko, and That Nerd at a field.}
TUBBY: Hey guys. What's up?
GREASER: Your cholesterol level, fatty!
{Suddenly, Tubby is on fire.}
NARRATOR GUNHAVER: OOH! BURNED TO THE 12TH DEGREE!!!
THAT NERD: But there's no such thing as a 12th degree burn!
JOCKO: And fire isn't square!
{Cut to the same scene, except the fire is out. In place of Tubby is a burnt, smoking patch on the ground.}
JOCKO: You know, I don't think he was supposed to die yet.
VOICE: {off-screen} Never fear! For it is I!
{Gunhaver walks onscreen.}
GUNHAVER: The superpowerful, majestic Gunhaver, expecting $50 from each of you for my appearance!
GREASER: You don't look majestic at all.
{Cut to the same scene, except there is a burnt, smoking patch on the ground where Greaser was just standing. The burnt patch where Tubby stood is no longer smoking. The words "One death later..." are on the top-left corner of the screen. Gunhaver is talking to Jocko and That Nerd. Greaser's ghost is standing to the left of Gunhaver.}
GREASER'S GHOST: {muted} Oh come on! I only had two lines!
GUNHAVER: Now, what do you want? Be quick, for I have a life.
JOCKO: Can you revive our friend Tubby? He died a little too early.
{Tubby's ghost walks onscreen. Greaser's ghost faces Tubby's ghost.}
TUBBY'S GHOST: {muted} Did someone say my name?
GREASER'S GHOST: {muted} How the crap... oh right. You're dead too.
GUNHAVER: Aww! But I liked the way Tubby died!
THAT NERD: We'll do anything! ANYTHING!
GUNHAVER: Anything, eh? Well, I guess I'll revive Tubby with my superpowers if you follow me.
JOCKO: Yay!
TUBBY'S GHOST: {simultaneously and muted} Yay!
GREASER'S GHOST: {muted} What??? Why him? What about me?
{Cut to a red, blue, and green splash screen with the words "Later... at the city...". Cut to Gunhaver, Jocko, Tubby (revived), and That Nerd walking past a building in a city.}
JOCKO: Uh... so what do you want us to do?
THAT NERD: You do realize we have been walking for one hour, twelve minutes, thirteen seconds, fifteen milliseconds, ninteen microseconds, four nanoseconds, thirty picoseconds, and five femtoseconds.
{The group stops in front of a building where the doors are labeled "CAFE". Gunhaver faces Jocko, Tubby, and That Nerd.}
GUNHAVER: Actually, we're here. Go inside the cafe.
{Cut to inside the "cafe"/bar. There is a sign on the wall that says "This is a cafe???" Gunhaver is inside while Jocko, Tubby, and That Nerd are entering through the doorway.}
GUNHAVER: Look! There he is!
{Cut to Blue Laser sitting on a stool at the bar. A notice appears at the top of the screen, saying "Gunhaver gave Blue Laser a sore throat the other day..."}
BLUE LASER: Ah-hahahahahahahaha! I'm being mindlessly evil and foolish again!
{Gunhaver, Jocko, That Nerd, and Tubby walk onscreen.}
GUNHAVER: You won't get away with this evil ploy, for I have three dispensable minions with me!
THAT NERD: {angrily} What???
BLUE LASER: Oh yeah? Well, we'll fight... outside! I don't want to make this place dirty. I like this cafe.
{Cut to a red, blue, and white splash screen with the text "Outside... Somewhere..." Cut to Blue Laser, Jocko, That Nerd, Tubby, and Gunhaver standing on a futuristic looking street in front of a blue wall. Blue Laser is facing the others.}
BLUE LASER: Now face the wrath of my new minions!
{Cut to a red, orange, yellow, and green splash screen with General Squid (wearing a dark green helmet) and two squids behind him. What Blue Laser says appears in bluish green text.}
BLUE LASER: MY SQUID ARMY!
{Cut to back to the street with the blue wall. General Squid points to the left. A large army of squids "swim" to the left. A note appears at the top of the screen, saying "General Squid suffers from the Engrish virus".}
GENERAL SQUID: The leaving those needless 3, attack the troop of my squid!
SQUIDS: YES SIR!
{Cut to the squids on Tubby's, That Nerd's, and Jocko's faces. Tubby, That Nerd, and Jocko are on the ground, in pain. Because Tubby's big, the squid that is on him has two tentacles on Tubby's face and two tenacles on the back of Tubby's head.}
JOCKO: Oh no! The squids are killing us!
TUBBY: Let me go, and I promise I'll become a vegetarian!
{Cut to a close-up on That Nerd and the squid attacking him.}
THAT NERD: OH NO!!! I'M BEING ASSIMILATED!!!
{Suddenly, all of the colors on the screen become inverted as the big, bold, red letters saying "SCI-FI'D!!!" fly onto the screen. That Nerd changes.}
NARRATOR GUNHAVER: SCI-FI'D!!!
{Cut to Gunhaver standing by Jocko being attacked by the squid, which has changed position in attacking Jocko. That Nerd is seen in the background, changed to look like the squids with an identical color scheme and eyes. Squids are floating in the background.}
JOCKO: So aren't you going to help us with your superpowers?
GUNHAVER: No freakin' way! This is fun!
A SQUID: {creepily} Resistance is futile...
{General Squid floats onscreen and points at Gunhaver's direction. Meanwhile, Jocko's skin turns pale.}
GENERAL SQUID: Glance of Ohio state! There is new one here! It probably will inhale from that mind!
{Suddenly, Gunhaver blasts off, nearly flying into a shocked squid who gets out of the way just in time. Jocko's skin is even paler. What was once That Nerd walks up to Jocko being attacked by the squid.}
GUNHAVER: You know what? Forget about all of you! I'm leaving, NOW!
{Cut to Blue Laser standing on the street.}
BLUE LASER: So does this mean I win?
{The following text that appears at the bottom of the screen is read.}
NARRATOR GUNHAVER: Oh, right. I knew I forgot something.
{Suddenly, Blue Laser falls onto the ground, dead.}
NARRATOR GUNHAVER: HEART ATTACK'D!
JOCKO: {off-screen} WHAT ABOUT US???
TUBBY: {off-screen} I don't want to be assembly-nated!
{Cut to a black screen with the following words.}
And now, for a moralic message
{Cut to a grey background with a picture of a giant squid. Sad music starts to play as the following words appear and fade away on the screen.}
Every year, there are violent squid attacks that result in the loss of innocent lives...
Unfortunately, nothing has been done to counter the violent squid attacks...
Why?
It's because all of the attacks have been blamed on octopuses...
If we can work together, we can help prevent the violent squid attacks, such as the one you just witnessed...
Remember, squids are not edible pets with extra arms...
They are homicidal maniacs with tentacles
{Cut to a blue and bluish green splash screen with the big, embossed, red words that Narrator Gunhaver reads out.}
NARRATOR GUNHAVER: IT'S OVER!!!
{Cut to Gunhaver in front of the Alpha 1260.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} Wow. That was kind of cool. Actually, that was cool. Save for some flaws. But at least it's better than this crap. What was I thinking when I made that?
{Gunhaver clears the screen.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} But I'm thinking that with my spriting skills, I have the potential to make Teen Cheat Squad into a famous webcomic hosted on a server! In fact...
{Suddenly, Arrowhaver appears onscreen with a manic face.}
ARROWHAVER: {maniacally} NOOOOOOO!!!!! DON'T!!!!!!! IT'S NOT ONLY A WASTE OF TIME, BUT YOUR FREAKIN' SPRITE COMIC IS CRAP!! CRAPPITY CRAP, CRAP! THE BACKGROUNDS SUCK! THE SPRITES SUCK! EVERYTHING SUCKS! YOU SUCK! WAWAWAWAWAWAWAWAA!!!!!
{Pause.}
GUNHAVER: Did you start eating bear soup again?
ARROWHAVER: {normally} Yeah.
GUNHAVER: Anyway... I'm... going to do something completely unrelated to what I just said I wanted to do.
{Gunhaver walks off-screen. Arrowhaver looks at the Alpha 1260 screen for a brief second before walking off-screen. Alpha Stan appears on the screen.}
Click here to email Gunhaver at GEmail.exe
Easter Eggs
- Click on the "I" in the "IT'S OVER" on the last splash screen to see this comic:
{Cut to 8-bit Mario sprite swimming underwater.}
MARIO: {singing to the tune of the Super Mario Bros. theme song} Doo-doo, doot, doo-doo, doo~!
{Jocko and That Nerd, now squid-Cheat hybrids, swim onscreen.}
MARIO: What in the name of lasagna are you?
{Tubby, a fat squid-Cheat hybrid, swims onscreen. A notice appears at the bottom of the screen, saying "The squid-Cheat hybrids also suffer from the Engrish virus".}
THAT NERD: Us, as for the squid-Cheat mixed breed why there are we who are junk here, but?
{Jocko suddenly turns upside down as Greaser's ghost floats onscreen.}
GREASER'S GHOST: {muted} Yeah, and why the crap am I underwater and still dead?
- Click on "potential" at the end to see this message:
I originally intended the comic to be crappy so that the main joke would be members of a forum Gunhaver hosted his sprite comic at would severely criticize his comic. Why? Maybe because I thought it was funny. Maybe because it was a good way to reference Bob and George and its forums. However, later, I found that that's self-deprecation, which isn't good for quality. Also, the comic turned out to be visually better than expected, and I didn't plan to make the animation, so the forum idea was gone. I don't regret it, except for Frostbite saying, "My grandmother makes better sprite comics than this!" Okay, that's all. This message is too long.
Thanks
The following people (knowingly or unknowlingly) helped me in making the email:
- Super Sam: For giving help on Flash and converting the background music used in the animation.
- Blackbeltdude: For providing the backgrounds used in the sprite comic on BG HQ.
- Dinoshaur: For making the sprites that were used/used as bases for the sprites of the Teen Cheat squad members.
Fun Facts
- The email intro translates into this in HTML code: <Insert-cool-email-intro-here>
- The sprite comic was made by the following programs:
- MS Paint: For the creation of most of the sprite comic.
- Macromedia Fireworks: For the creation of the special effects and the frames for the animation.
- Macromedia Flash: For the creation of the buttons, animation, and the use of a background music.
- That Was Then, This Is Now is a book made by S.E. Hinton, who also made The Outsiders, which has characters who Greaser is based on.
- The School Story Starring School was going to be one of Matt Wilson's projects after the end of Bonus Stage. However, it's probably scrapped.
- Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home is a Star Trek movie, which has Technobabble.
- Nerds are stereotypically depicted to like science fiction, such as Star Trek.
- Super Size Me is a documentary where a man eats McDonalds food for a month.
- Click here to read about burns.
- What Narrator Gunhaver also means by "burned" is "insulted".
- The squid sprites are the Blooper enemies from Super Mario Bros..
- The helmet on General Squid's head is a recolored sprite of a Met helmet from the Mega Man Classic video game series.
- The fire sprite that burned Tubby is also from the Mega Man Classic video game series.
- Click here to read about Engrish.
- That Nerd was assimilated like in Star Trek.
- A squid says "Resistance is futile", a phrase used by Borgs, the creatures who assimilate in Star Trek.
- The background music for the animation is a remix (hosted on VGMusic.com) of the ending music in the Mega Man X video game.
- The giant squid shown in the animation is Gooper Blooper from Super Mario Sunshine.
- The original version of the comic was going to reference Bob and George, the Bob and George Forums, and the forums's standards for sprite comics.
