Other Character Email Gunhaver/Cheesy films
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
Contents |
Summary
Life-threatened by Futuramaooy, Gunhaver makes some cheesy films to promote safety, to promote the Cheat Commandos playsets, and to promote cheese to make sure he is not a bad example to kids (read the Gunhaver email Books).
Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Silent Rip, Blue Laser, Blue Laser Minions, Dr. Croctor
Lines: 66
Transcript
{Gunhaver is sitting in a chair in front of his Orange 02. He types run "gunhaver_email" while singing something.}
GUNHAVER: Oh my emails are pouring like a waterfall! In a desert! So it’s dried up! And that stinks!
{The following email pops up on the computer as Gunhaver reads it.}
Can you show a cheesy film made by you to promote safety,
and to promote your playsets?
After all, you were setting a bad example to kids not to read books!
or i'll kill you!
Futuramaooy
{Gunhaver clears page and begins typing while saying what he’s typing.}
GUNHAVER: Oh no Futuramaooy! What have I ever done to you to make you want to kill me? Sure I haven’t given you the fifty bucks from that bet, the sixty bucks from the card game, and your camera. But you shouldn't want to kill me. Look who is talking when it comes to bad examples. In fact, I'll be a good guy and change your email!
{Gunhaver makes the email show on the computer again. He replaces the word kill in the email to punch. So the email is read like this.}
Can you show a cheesy film made by you to promote safety,
and to promote your playsets?
After all, you were setting a bad example to kids not to read books!
or i'll punch you!
Futuramaooy
{Gunhaver clears the screen and continues typing.}
GUNHAVER: And I didn’t really mean what I said when I said "Reading is a waste of time!", well, maybe. So, cheesy films, eh Futuramaooy? All right, I will make cheesy films, in fact, three! And if I do so, you owe me fifty bucks. Deal? Deal.
{Cut to a forest. Gunhaver and Silent Rip are looking around with binoculars.}
GUNHAVER: He’s got to be around here someplace! He can not start a forest fire! Although I hate forests. I got a ton of mosquito bites on that one trip through the forest, and I looked very swelled up that they called me Mr. Swelly and...
SILENT RIP: Sir! There he is! {points to somewhere}
{Cut to Blue Laser, who is with his minions.}
BLUE LASER: THIS FOREST HIKE IS NOT FUN! I GOT A TON OF MOSQUITO BITES ON THAT ONE TRIP THROUGH THE FOREST, AND I LOOKED VERY SWELLED UP THAT THEY CALLED ME BLUE SWELLY AND...
BLUE LASER MINION: There they are sir. {points to Gunhaver and Silent Rip}
BLUE LASER: FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC!
{Suddenly, Gunhaver jumps and pins Blue Laser down to the ground. Silent Rip and the Blue Laser minions seem to start a conversation.}
GUNHAVER: Hah! I got him! But remember kids, {faces camera} only YOU can stop Blue Laser.
BLUE LASER: CAN YOU GET OFF OF ME? YOU WEIGH A HUNDRED POUNDS OR SOMETHING!
GUNHAVER: Okay, since this cheesy film is over. Silent Rip, let’s go!
{Cuts to Silent Rip, playing Go Fish with the two minions.}
BLUE LASER MINION: Got any nines, sir, Commando?
SILENT RIP: Go fish.
{Cut back to the computer room, where Gunhaver continues typing.}
GUNHAVER: And now, onto the promoting the playsets. Good thing you didn’t say toys.
{Cut to a gray background with a building shaped like a huge, blue, fish shaped Cheat.}
GUNHAVER: {voiceover} This is me! Gunhaver! A Cheat Commando, so you'd better buy this! Or you can't watch any more episodes, and I don’t know why. The Cheat Commandos Underwater Playset is a playset that can accommodate all Cheat Commandos except Reynold. You can play it while swimming, while underwater, or while you’re drowning, right. Buy it now, and you’ll a get 20% off discout, which depends on your store. Also! If you buy this, you’ll get a...
{Cut to a doll of a Cheat fish from the email animal held by Gunhaver.}
GUNHAVER: The Cheat Fish! Only limited edition edition! So, buy the Underwater Playset, and you’ll still win! {starts singing terribly} Uh, buy the Cheat Commando playsets, and you will win, and so will I! Uh, have fun, kiddies! {stops singing} BLECH!
{Cut back to the computer room. Gunhaver continues typing.}
GUNHAVER: Okay Future Boy, I’m a good guy! But, here's something for your nutrition! Or to show the meaning of cheesy films, I guess.
{Cut to another gray background with Swiss cheese.}
GUNHAVER: {voiceover} What’s a chessy film without cheese? Cheese is a very important food in your daily basis, for it's good for you, but I don’t eat it, for I am lactose intolerant, so hah! Uh, it has calcium, and, er... Why don’t we visit Dr. Croctor?
{Cut to a Cheat who is dressed up as a scientist with glasses and a rough accent standing in a classroom used in the Homestar Runner website.}
DR. CROCTOR: Cheese is important because...
Gunhaver (V.O): All right, that's enough Dr. Dorker. So, eat cheese, watch cheesy films, don’t think I am a bad example, and give me ten bucks.
{Cut back to the computer room where Gunhaver is finishing the email.}
GUNHAVER: So Future Guy, you should be proud of me! I created three cheesy films that took every single one of my moral effort, whatever that means, to please you. Ain't I nice? Well, good thing you live in the future and not in the present.
{The Paper comes down, saying: Click here to email Gunhaver at gunhaver@homestarrunner.com.}
Easter Eggs
- Click on "camera" when he's talking about Futuramaooy's camera to see a really old camera, the black ones with blinding flashes, like the one Pom-Pom used in the email part-time job.
- Click on "Ain't I nice?" to see this:
DR. CROCTOR: Welcome class, I am Dr. Croctor, your college professor. I will now teach you...
BLUE LASER: SHUT UP, OLD GEEK! CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE TRYING TO PLAN A WAY TO CRUSH THE CHEAT COMMANDOS?
Fun Facts
- The email Gunhaver received refers to the Gunhaver email, Books.
- "FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC" is said by Blue Laser in Shopping for Danger.
- "...only YOU can stop Blue Laser" is based on Smoky the Bear's catchprhase: "Only YOU can stop a forest fire."
- Smoky the Bear is a mascot to stop forest fires and is in the cheesy commercials about forest fires, which is why Gunhaver's first cheesy film takes place in the forest.
- The Cheat Commandos Underwater Playset is from one of my fanfics in fanfiction.net. It’s the newest one I made. It parodies Star Wars Episode I.
