Other Character Email Gunhaver/Butterfly Effect
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Summary
Here it is, the long awaited 50th Gunhaver email special!!!!!!
Cast (in order of appearance): Crackotage, Gunhaver, Dr. Croctor, Reynold, Strong Bad, Blue Laser, A Beatles member, Ripberger, Police Cheat, 3D Vector Strong Bad, Dark Sapphire Laser, Wedginator, Flashfight, Silent Rip, Fightgar, Firebert, Reinforcements, Foxface, Arrowhaver, Villain, Shim-Sham-Sam, Black Laser, Sir Gunsman, Blast Maverick, Frostbite, The Homestar Runner, Tomahaver, Power Punch, Contestro, Jewel, Gyro, Pineface, Steve, BlastFit, Evil Spark, Mr. Mayor, Flashing, Various Blue Laser Minions, Mrs. Commanderson, Guninator, Ultramarine Underling, Ryenold
Lines: 546
Transcript
{We cut to a black background. Words in white bold letters appear as they are said.}
ANNOUNCER: And now, a word from a Cheat Commando.
{Then we cut to Crackotage standing in front of the Cheat Commandos HQ.}
Crackotage: Grab some coke and some popcorn. This is going to be longer than eating an acorn! He, he, hah, hah!
{Then the following words arrear.}
Seriously, the following email is long
{Then we cut to some red velvet curtains. They open to reveal Gunhaver in front of the Orange 02 from First Episode. Then the rock opera starts.}
GUNHAVER: Congretulations DING! Girlfriend
DR. CROCTOR: Cheese
REYNOLD: Rhys
STRONG BAD: LOVED
Crackotage: flying
BLUE LASER: OFF
Beatles member: submarine?
RIPBERGER: Dressed
Police officer: donuts
GUNHAVER: watch
3D Vector Strong Bad: SPLODE!
DARK SAPPHIRE LASER: Exterminate
Narrator: Videlectrix
WEDGINATOR: Master
Narrator: of
{Cut to a room with all of the Cheat Commandos.}
All Cheat Commandos: GEMAIL!!!
{Then we cut to a montage of some elements of previous Gunhaver emails (i.e. Mrs. Forcements, or the book Laserbreaker) while we see Gunhaver dodging a blue laser Matrix style at the same time. Then the background changes to Club Technochocolate as rock music begins playing and Gunhaver dances to the music. Then we cut to another montage as the rock opera continues with visual elements of the next 24 emails.}
GUNHAVER: Stupid failed
REYNOLD: ridiculous
VILLAIN: villain
SHIM-SHAM-SAM: kicked
GUNHAVER: ya!
BLACK LASER: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
Foxface/Foxyface: Kidnapped
GYRO: notices
WEDGINATOR: grandmary
GUNHAVER: INDISCRIMINATED
SIR GUNSMAN: parsnips
GUNHAVER: idiots
BLAST MAVERICK: nonsense!
GUNHAVER: Problematic
ARROWHAVER: primitive
GUNHAVER: dream!
BLUE LASER: CRAP!
GUNHAVER: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Anything! Sweet traveling
FROSTBITE: majority
GUNHAVER: nerves!
The Homestar Runner: What?
REYNOLD: ALIVE!!!
GUNHAVER: Everybody must like the super-great
All Cheat Commandos (including the new characters): GEMAIL!!!!
{Then there's a scene with Gunhaver, Arrowhaver, Tomahaver, and Flashfight doing a dance in a club. Then we see various scenes from the last 49 emails. Then the music quickens as the last part of the rock opera begins.}
GUNHAVER: GEMAIL! The greatest thing of all time!
TOMAHAVER: Wow!
GUNHAVER: Positate without pizzazz and jam!
FIGHTGAR: Whoa!
GUNHAVER: I'm just owing it to society! Yeah! Go GEMAIL! Go GEMAIL! GEMAIL!!!
{Then we hear the music end dramatically with a drum solo. After that, we hear an audience going wild with cheering as the curtains are drawn. Roses are falling from the top of the screen to bottom.}
GUNHAVER: {off-screen} Thank you! Good night!
{Then we cut to Gunhaver in front of the Delta 1001. He types ingunhaver_email.exe.}
GUNHAVER: {imitating cheering} Encore! Encore! Andale! Andale! Arriba! Arriba! Email! Email!
{Then Gunhaver presses enter to make the following email appear.}
Dear Mr. Haver,
What do you think would happen if say...
you went back in time, messed some stuff
up, and then came back to the present to
find EVERYTHING messed up. Well, I have
some knowledge to give you: Don't time
travel! This is your final warning!
Fine, time travel anyway. I tried.
Your troubled fan,
-Joshua
GUNHAVER: Ahh... Joshua. One of my favorite email senders, and I can tell when he sends me and email, nickname or no nickname, for some reason. Anyway, onto beeswax, I mean, business. {typing} So, you want me to either time travel and mess up the present or not do that? Well, let me tell you, as one boring nerd said, time is set in stone, and, uh... you can't change it, since it's set in stone, and not, paper.
{Clears screen.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} So obviously, it's impossible to mess up the present by time traveling. But let me assure you, your timing is perfect! Gyro says his new invention can allow you to go to the past and mess something up, messing up the present. I don't know what it's called, but I think it has something to do with bugs, like, scorpions, mantises, or something. In fact, Gyro's invention is finished. Let me take a look so I can criticize, I mean... criticize him.
{Then Gunhaver gets off his chair and walks away. Then we cut to Gunhaver walking to the laboratory, where Gyro and Jewel are talking to each other by a machine.}
GUNHAVER: Okay Gyro, why did you bring me here, besides wasting my time or teaching me, since you have the potential to be a boring nerd?
JEWEL: That's what he does 90% of the time, right?
GYRO: Be quiet! Anyway, I'm presenting my newest invention, the Butterfly Effect Machine!
{Pause}
JEWEL: Um...
{A longer pause}
GUNHAVER: You could've come up with a better name.
GYRO: Why aren't you like {imitating Gunhaver} Wow! What does it do? Or {imitating Jewel} That's so awesome! I can't believe you made such a thing!
GUNHAVER: Well, nobody likes inventors these days.
JEWEL: So, what does this thing do?
GYRO: I'm glad you asked. Do you know about the butterfly effect? Where if you change one small thing, even in the past, the future is changed? Well, this machine allows you to go into the past and make that change without defying the laws of time.
GUNHAVER: Which is why you couldn't have just made a portable time machine, contrary to Joshua's wishes?
GYRO: {ignoring Gunhaver} However, for some reason, this machine requires you to do a catch, and it depends on the mistake you have done that you are undoing. For example, if you are fixing someone else's mistake, you don't have to do any catch. But if it's like fixing something that is entirely your fault, then you have to do a huge catch. However, this can't fall in the hands of the enemy, for they can change the past their way too.
GUNHAVER: Yeah, sounds boring. Let's go to the celebration room and celebrate for my 50th email.
{Then Gunhaver walks away. Jewel begins walking away from a dismayed Gyro.}
JEWEL: Nice invention, Gyro, but you should fix your gyro backpack.
{Suddenly, a heart pops from Gyro as suddenly, his gyro backpack is set off, so he is hovering.}
{Then we cut to Blue Laser's cell in the Cheat Commandos HQ detention hall. Just then, a door opens inwards as Blue Laser exits.}
BLUE LASER: I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT I SHOULD HAVE PULLED THE DUMB DOOR! DO THE CHEAT COMMANDOS THINK THEY CAN FOOL ME? NOW'S THE TIME FOR ME TO STEAL OR USE VALUABLE STUFF IN HERE! BUT FIRST, LET ME SAY GOOD-BYE TO THE PRISON CELL THAT GAVE ME MISERY FOR ABOUT A WEEK!
{Then we see the prison cell, which looks clean with blue walls. A wall has some drawings etched into the wall (by Blue Laser) about Gunhaver or Flashfight with beards and cross-eyes. Also, Blue Laser etched tallies into the wall to count how many days he spent in prison.}
{Then Blue Laser walks away. Then we cut to a montage of Blue Laser walking in the living room, in Gunhaver's computer room, in a room that looks like a room in the Blue Laser HQ, and finally, to the laboratory, where the Butterfly Effect Machine is there, unguarded. The room is empty. The words Cheap as Free appear in a corner with a tone sound.}
BLUE LASER: WHAT IS THIS? {reads a tag attached to the machine for a long time} OH! HOW USEFUL! I CAN NOW BE ABLE TO CRUSH THE CHEAT COMMANDOS AND BE RULER OF THE WORLD!
{Then Blue Laser presses on some buttons on the machine. On the machine, the words are displayed.}
Your catch: If you rule the world, this machine must still exist and Arrowhaver must be your right hand man. Contestro Sevornkey must be one of your minions. Also, this machine must exist in your world.
BLUE LASER: CRAP! THE CATCHES ARE EXACTLY WHAT I DID NOT WANT! OH WELL!
{Then Blue Laser presses a red button on the machine. He is gone in a flash. Then we fade to black as we see the following words.}
About 70 years earlier
{Then we cut to a black and white area. Some old-style music begins playing as we see Evil Spark scuttling across the land. Then we see a railroad and we see Mr. Mayor strapped to the railroad by ropes. We see in a distance a train coming towards Mr. Mayor at full-speed.}
Mr. Mayor: Evil Spark! I should have known that you were a criminal! I should have known that you snatched the funds, and not Flashing!
Evil Spark: Yes, well, it turns out that I will be the most illustrious scoundrel ever in our epoch! Then, the following generation shall follow my example!
Mr. Mayor: So what are you going to do after I'm deceased?
Evil Spark: I shall be new mayor, and that shall be a step towards ruling the state, for I already rule the town! Then I shall rule the nation, and then, the continent, and then, the world! He, he, hah, hah, hah, hah, he, he, he!
FLASHING: {off-screen} I won't let you succeed in your notorious shenanigans, Evil Spark!
{Then we see Flashing running to the scene.}
Evil Spark: {off-screen} Flashing! I thought you were seized!
FLASHING: I fled, and now, I shall stop you and your shenanigans once and for all!
{Then we cut to the railroad, where we see Mr. Mayor (tied to the tracks), Evil Spark, and Flashing. Suddenly, there is a flash of colored light, blinding Evil Spark and Mr. Mayor.}
Evil Spark: Ahh! What is this apparition-type light?
{Dramatic music begins playing. Just then, Blue Laser (in color) walks in front of Flashing, picks him up, and throws him onto the railroad. Then we see Flashing as he looks around. Then we see the train right next to him. Then we see the train drive through the railroad, running over Flashing and Mr. Mayor.}
{Then we cut to the Cheat Commandos HQ's celebration room. All Cheat Commandos are there. Gunhaver is in front of a cake that has a candle shaped like a 50. The dramatic music is still playing.}
All Cheat Commandos besides Gunhaver: HAPPY 50th EMAIL, GUN.../{Japanese}/{Cheatese}/DaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
{Then there is a big flash of light as the dramatic music suddenly stops. Then we fade to black.}
We'll be right back after these messages
Act II
{Cut to Blue Laser's world to where Cheat City used to be. The buildings are cottages. Mrs. Commandersons are used as transportation as Blue Laser minions ride on them. There are no vehicles or fancy stuff like that. Where the Cheat Commandos HQ used to be is a large castle with a moat surrounding it. Where Blue Laser's HQ used to be is an even larger castle with a lava pool surrounding it. The sky is dark. All around the area are statues of Blue Laser. Dramatic music plays as we see all of this.}
{Cut to a cottage, where Gunhaver wakes up on a straw mat.}
GUNHAVER: Ugh... that was the worst sleep ever. Huh? {looks around} Where the crap am I?
VOICE: {off-screen} You're in the very world that you swore to prevent from existing.
{Then the bearer of that voice, Guninator, steps from the shadows.}
GUNHAVER: Who the crap are you?
Guninator: My name is Guninator, your 30X1 descendant. My world in 30X1 is living chaos, so the Chabarg Commandos have decided to change the past. I am a squad leader.
GUNHAVER: What happened?
Guninator: Remember that Butterfly Effect Machine made by Gyro?
GUNHAVER: You mean one of the dumbest inventions ever made in the history of Cheatkind?
Guninator: Quiet. It's more useful than you think. Blue Laser used it to kill Flashing, leader of the Sneak Commandos, to make the existence of the Sneak Commandos obsolete. Most of the Cheat Commandos, like Fightgar, or Flashfight, or Reinforcements, don't exist. Using our technology, we managed to take you into the future and put you in a shield that can be used only once to save you from disappearing into nonexistence.
GUNHAVER: What about the other people, like Foxface?
Guninator: I already said that the shield can only be used once, and it's been used on you. Besides, there are a few others not affected by Blue Laser's reign. But anyway, I am here to tell you of your destiny.
GUNHAVER: That destiny crap again? Look, I don't believe in destiny!
Guninator: You should! Anyway, you are the only one who can save the world. What you must do is to...
GUNHAVER: Defeat Blue Laser! Of course!
Guninator: No. You have to use the Butterfly Effect Machine to go back into the past and change an event in the past that has started the chain of events that enabled Blue Laser to use the Butterfly Effect Machine. I will tell you where to go and what to fix. Where to go...
{Just then, there is a big flash of white. Then Guninator and Gunhaver turn their eyes to the newcomer, an Ultramarine Underling.}
Ultramarine Underling: Ah, Guninator. Fancy seeing you here. I had a feeling that I would inconveniently meet you in my time traveling mission.
Guninator: What do you want, Ultramarine scum?
GUNHAVER: Who is he?
Guninator: That is an Ultramarine Underling, a minion of the horrible, Ultramarine Laser.
Ultramarine Underling: Silence, you rebel scum! No one shall insult the great Ultramarine Laser.
{Guninator pulls out his ray gun from his leather jacket with his left hand (Cheap as Free appear on a corner with a tone sound). He prepares his right hand, which is a cannon (like Megaman), and aims it at Ultramarine Underling. Ultramarine Underling lifts its metallic claws.}
Ultramarine Underling: Do you really want to fight?
Guninator: I've destroyed thousands of underlings before. Do you think you will stand up against me for once?
Ultramarine Underling: I will let you go on your business if you let me fulfill my mission given to me by my master, to eliminate Gunhaver.
GUNHAVER: Eep!
Guninator: {to Gunhaver} Gunhaver, run. Go to fulfill your destiny. Save the world from the evil clutches of Blue Laser. But, you must go to the castle of...
GUNHAVER: All right. I'll go to Blue Laser's castle. Bye!
{Gunhaver dashes off.}
Guninator: {shouting} No! You're going to go the wrong way! {stops shouting} Oh well. Now onto fighting.
{Then Guninator shoots a beam out of his ray gun and a plasma shot out of his cannon/arm. They fly to the Ultramarine Underling, but then, it lifts its claws to deflect the attack back at Guninator, who dodges by flipping out of the way, creating a hole in the cottage wall.}
Guninator: Craxap! You are a Level 10 Ultramarine Underling.
{Then Guninator shoots another plasma shot at the underling, who dodges the attack. Then the underling's claws turn into cannons. The right cannon shoots out a plasma shot that Guninator barely dodges. The left cannon shoots out fire at Guninator, slightly burning him. Then the underling fires its attacks at the same time at Guninator, who is charging up a plasma shot, creating a large explosion.}
{Then we cut to the ruined cottage. Guninator, slightly injured, breaks out of the ruins of the cottage. The underling is nowhere to be seen. Just then, a portal appears and it engulfs Guninator, sending him back to 30X1.}
{Cut to a roof of a cottage next to Blue Laser's castle. Gunhaver is looking at the castle.}
GUNHAVER: How am I supposed to get in there?
{Then he sees a Blue Laser minion riding on a Mrs. Commanderson land in front of the cottage Gunhaver is on. The minion forces open the front door.}
BLUE LASER MINION: All right, buster. Pay your taxes and prepare to bow in front of the Emperor, or you'll get no food for the night.
{Then Gunhaver jumps from the roof of the cottage and onto the back of the Mrs. Commanderson, making her let out a loud screech. The minion runs out of the cottage.}
BLUE LASER MINION: Hey! You! Get off of my Mrs. Commanderson! Now!
{Then the Blue Laser Minion gets out a laser gun. Just then, Gunhaver hits the wings of the Mrs. Commanderson, making it fly away. Then Gunhaver lightly pulls on the neck of the bird to steer it so they could dodge the minion's lasers. Soon, they're out of the minion's laser range, but then, the minion talks into his walkie-talkie.}
BLUE LASER MINION: Milord. A stranger has stolen my Mrs. Commanderson and is flying towards your castle as I'm speaking.
BLUE LASER: {from other side} WHAT DOES HE LOOK LIKE?
BLUE LASER MINION: Well, he had on a cowboy hat, shades, and a brown coat.
BLUE LASER: {from other side} SNAP! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT HE WOULD HAVE SOMEHOW SURVIVED THE TRANSFORMATION!
BLUE LASER MINION: What are we going to do, Master?
BLUE LASER: {from other side} LEAVE HIM TO ME! HE WILL FALL EASILY TO MY INCREASED POWER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
{Then we cut to Gunhaver landing his Mrs. Commanderson in a large stable for Mrs. Commandersons (the stable looks like a huge nest). Gunhaver jumps off the bird.}
GUNHAVER: Thanks.
Mrs. Commanderson: {screech}
{Then Gunhaver jumps off the edge of the stable closest to the actual castle. He manages to hang onto a ledge by a window. Then he goes through the window and into the castle, where he just misses being seen by two Blue Laser minions. Then he tries to go up the stairs, but then, he gets spotted by two minions.}
BLUE LASER MINIONS: Freeze!
{Then Gunhaver runs the other way. Then he runs down the stairs and bumps into three minions. Then he runs to a door, opens it, goes in the room, and slams the door shut. When he looks in the room, he sees fifty Blue Laser minions in front of him.}
GUNHAVER: Jeez. What is this? The minions cloned themselves too much?
{Then we cut to a large balcony of the castle that can also be used as a bridge. Blue Laser is standing on the edge of the balcony, looking at the other people below, bowing in front of him.}
BLUE LASER: THAT'S RIGHT! BOW! BOW! BOW FOR ALL YOUR LIFE'S WORTH! BOW, OR YOU'LL HAVE NO FOOD! {whispering (which sounds like normal talking)} Not that I'll give you any.
{Then four Blue Laser Minions carry Gunhaver to Blue Laser.}
BLUE LASER MINION: Master, this is the Cheat you've described to us to capture. Is this him?
BLUE LASER: YES! LEAVE HIM HERE! BUT BLOCK THE WAY TO THE CASTLE! I WANT TO FACE HIM MYSELF!
{So, the four minions block the entrance into the castle.}
GUNHAVER: All right Blue Laser. We've had enough fun with your little game. Now it's time to end it.
BLUE LASER: OH NO WAY. YOU THINK I WENT THROUGH ALL OF THIS TROUBLE IN ORDER TO SURRENDER RIGHT NOW? I'M SO FREAKISHLY POWERFUL, THAT I CAN EVEN TAKE OVER THE OTHER PLANETS OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM RIGHT NOW!
GUNHAVER: Look, you've tried crushing the Cheat Commandos, now practically nonexistent, for years, and you've lost every time. The only reason why you've succeeded is because you got lucky.
BLUE LASER: GUNHAVER, THIS ISN'T BEING LUCKY. THIS IS BEING AN EMPEROR AFTER YEARS AND YEARS OF PLANNING! JUST LIKE THAT PALPATINE GUY!
GUNHAVER: Oh, so... um... you're emperor? Okay, I'll still fight you. If I win, you will take me to the Butterfly Effect Machine you used to change time.
BLUE LASER: THAT'LL PROBABLY WON'T HAPPEN!
GUNHAVER: Then let's just fight.
{Then Gunhaver punches Blue Laser in the face, nearly knocking him off the balcony, but then, Blue Laser jumps over Gunhaver. Then he stands there.}
BLUE LASER: LET ME SHOW YOU MY TRUE POWER!!!!!!!!
{Then Blue Laser's arms begin glowing, as well as his "legs." Then his arms form into freakishly huge mechanical arms. His "legs" turn into freakishly huge mechanical legs. After the transformation, Blue Laser is TOWERING over Gunhaver.}
GUNHAVER: Uh... right. Prepare to be shot in the face!
{Then Gunhaver quickly draws his pistol and shoots a bullet in the direction of Blue Laser's face, but then, Blue Laser's hands block the bullet. Then the palms start shooting massive blue lasers at Gunhaver, missing him, but vaporizing parts of the balcony behind him. Obviously, this is to give him less room to escape from Blue Laser. Then Blue Laser lifts up his right foot and stomps on the balcony, making more pieces crumble, making Gunhaver have even less room. Soon, he is cornered.}
GUNHAVER: Uh... look. This isn't really a fair battle and all, so this...
{Just then, Blue Laser kicks Gunhaver with his left foot, sending him flying away.}
GUNHAVER: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BLUE LASER: GOOD THING I DIDN'T USE MY STRONGER RIGHT FOOT! WITH MY LEFT FOOT, GUNHAVER WILL SURELY FALL INTO THE LAVA!
{Ominous music plays.}
BLUE LASER: WHAT??? WHO'S IN CHARGE OF THE MUSIC? HOW UNPATRIOTIC!
{Happy music plays.}
{Then we cut to Gunhaver, now gaining kinetic energy as he is falling towards the lava pit, just being a few inches short from the mainland.}
GUNHAVER: Oh man! I never got to express my true feelings to Foxface! Not that she's alive, but...
{Just then, he is saved at the last minute. A Cheat swinging on a rope grabs Gunhaver as they swing to where the potential energy is the greatest. That Cheat lets go as they go flying. Gunhaver is unconscious by the time that Cheat and Gunhaver land on a trampoline and into a cottage.}
VOICE: Is he okay?
Second Voice: {Cheatese}
{Then Reynold (wearing a tattered cape, no tie, and glasses with only one lens) and Firebert (his cape is tattered) step out of the shadow and towards Ryenold and Gunhaver.}
RYENOLD: He's unconscious, but alive. That'll teach him to underestimate Blue Laser.
REYNOLD: Can he save the world from Blue Laser? Just like those guys from the future told us?
RYENOLD: I hope so. It's total crap living under Blue Laser's rule. I'm glad that we're rebels together. And I'm glad that we have a new member.
Firebert: {Cheatese}
REYNOLD: Yeah. Do you think that he might still mistreat us, like in his old life? I mean, that's what our future selves told us what our old lives were like.
RYENOLD: Well, he should put those differences aside.
{Then Gunhaver wakes up and sees Reynold and Firebert.}
GUNHAVER: Wait, Reynold and Firebert are alive? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
{Then we fade to black.}
We'll be right back after these messages
Act III
{Cut to a view of the town that used to be Cheat City. The place is still in desolation because of Blue Laser. Then we cut to the cottage with Gunhaver, Reynold, Firebert, and Ryenold (Reynold's father).}
GUNHAVER: So let me get this straight. You three are a trio who think you can actually defeat Blue Laser? {starts laughing} If you were in an elite commando group {to Reynold} you wouldn't even go on any missions {to Firebert} your commando name would suck too much {to Ryenold} and you... I don't know you. Who the crap are you?
RYENOLD: The name's Ryenold, father of Reynold and practically the best super spy in the world.
GUNHAVER: Excluding the Cheat Commandos. But seriously, do you know that your rebellion is hopeless? You're pathetic!
REYNOLD: {slightly angry} On the contrary, we're public enemies number 1, 2, and 3 to Blue Laser! We've sabotaged many of Blue Laser's plans and harassed him and his rule in many ways; we're on the most wanted list. Not that anyone would help, since you know, Blue Laser rules with tyranny.
GUNHAVER: You're kidding me.
Firebert: {Cheatese that sounds like "nope"}
GUNHAVER: So how exactly are you planning to overthrow Blue Laser? I, myself, experienced him, so I don't know how you are planning to do it.
RYENOLD: None of this would have been planned if the future versions of my son and Firebert suddenly arrived and told them about their destiny and what they should do. According to them, you are the only one with knowledge of the old world before Blue Laser, and that you can make the change to prevent this world by the Butterfly Effect Machine.
GUNHAVER: You mean that Butterfly Effect Machine made by Gyro!
REYNOLD: Who's Gyro?
GUNHAVER: Okay, so he doesn't exist. So I have to use that machine? Where is it? In Blue Laser's castle?
RYENOLD: We thought about that, but the future people said that it's in Lord Arrowhaver's castle.
GUNHAVER: Wait, come again? Did you just say Arrowhaver while calling him a lord? Look, when he was a Cheat Commando, he was a no-good whiny brat who tried murdering me before running to Blue Laser. And I'm sure Blue Laser feels that Arrowhaver is a whiny brat too. Why is it in his castle?
REYNOLD: Careful! There may be spies! And also, Lord Arrowhaver is Emperor Blue Laser's right hand man.
GUNHAVER: You're kidding me. And why do you call them by their titles if you're their enemy?
REYNOLD: It's so spies can't tell us from regular people. They're our enemies.
GUNHAVER: {to Ryenold} Okay, so the plan is... we go to Arrowhaver's...
RYENOLD: Lord Arrowhaver.
{Gunhaver sighs.}
GUNHAVER: {reluctantly} Lord {normal} Arrowhaver's castle. We need to go to his castle and use the Butterfly Effect machine in there so I can change time and prevent Blue Laser from ever being a tyrant in the first place. Right?
RYENOLD: Right, and since we have four people now, there's no way we can be stopped! Battle cry, commence!
Reynold and Ryenold: C-c-click-click, boo-yah!
Firebert: {simultaneous says Cheatese in the same rhythm}
GUNHAVER: Uh...
{Then we cut to the outside of the cottage, where Contestro is on a large, mechanical, blue bird, using a small machine to eavesdrop on Gunhaver, Firebert, Reynold, and Ryenold successfully. Then he uses the machine to contact Arrowhaver, who appears on the screen on the machine.}
CONTESTRO: Lord Arrowhaver.
ARROWHAVER: What? I was just about to have people bow to me.
CONTESTRO: I have important news, my lord. The rebels are going to attack by going into your castle and using this machine that has to do with bugs, like worms.
ARROWHAVER: Those blasted rebels! How dare they try breaking into my castle and using my strictly forbidden (to all people except for Master Blue Laser) machinery that has to do with bugs, like beetles!
CONTESTRO: Also, they have a new member. He goes by the name of Gunhaver, and he has a cowboy hat, shades, and a brown vest.
ARROWHAVER: Wait, you mean the Gunhaver Master Blue Laser told us about?
CONTESTRO: Apparently. What are we going to do?
ARROWHAVER: Contestro, go to Master Blue Laser's castle to gather his elite minions when he gives them to you. I'll speak with the master.
{Then we cut to a room in Arrowhaver's castle where Arrowhaver is talking to Contestro on a large screen. The screen is turned off, but after Arrowhaver presses some buttons, Blue Laser appears on the screen.}
BLUE LASER: WHAT?
ARROWHAVER: Master, my admin minion/admin spy called, and he says that the rebels are going to attack my castle and use my machinery that has something to do with bugs, like caterpillars.
BLUE LASER: SO? YOUR PURPLE MINIONS CAN CRUSH THEM FOR GOOD!
ARROWHAVER: But Master, the admin also says that Gunhaver, the Cheat with a cowboy hat, shades, and brown coat, is with the rebels this time.
BLUE LASER: WHAT??? CRAP! I'LL SEND MY ELITE MINIONS DOWN TO YOUR CASTLE!
ARROWHAVER: That admin is going to your castle to bring them here, Master. But what shall I do?
BLUE LASER: HERE'S WHAT WE ARE GOING TO DO. FIRST, LET ME TELL YOU ALL THE PERSONAL THINGS ABOUT YOU AND GUNHAVER IN THE PAST DIMENSION. ALSO, I WILL BE COMING, SO I CAN CRUSH GUNHAVER MYSELF!
ARROWHAVER: And at last, the world will be...
BLUE LASER: DON'T INTERRUPT! ANYWAY, GUNHAVER...
{Then we cut to the outside of the cottage. Gunhaver, Reynold, Firebert, and Ryenold are standing by a weak and famished Mrs. Commanderson with a flying helmet (the ones pilots wore in the past).}
GUNHAVER: Um, why did you starve this bird?
RYENOLD: In order to get through the gates surrounding Lord Arrowhaver's castle, we have to go through a crack only accessible by flying and to Cheats and very skinny Mrs. Commandersons, like this one.
{The Mrs. Commanderson lets out a frail screech.}
RYENOLD: Okay, let's ride.
{Then we see Reynold and Ryenold riding on the Mrs. Commanderson's back. Gunhaver and Firebert are being held by the bird's talons, having an unpleasant trip.}
GUNHAVER: How come Reynold gets to ride on the back! It's not fair!
{Then we go to Arrowhaver's castle, which is the castle that replaced the Cheat Commandos HQ. The Mrs. Commanderson flies towards the wall while nearly crashing into three cottages. Then it easily flies through the crack on the higher half of the wall. Then the Mrs. Commanderson drop Gunhaver and Firebert onto the ground while the bird lands. Reynold and Ryenold get off.}
RYENOLD: Thanks girl. Hope you have a better life if we succeed.
Mrs. Commanderson: {frail screech}
{Then the Mrs. Commanderson flies away. Gunhaver and Firebert almost limp to Reynold and Ryenold.}
GUNHAVER: That was the worst method of transportation ever!
Firebert: MEH-meh! {sounds like "A-gree!"}
RYENOLD: Quiet. We are now on the grounds of Lord Arrowhaver. We must be careful. He is almost as dangerous as Emperor Blue Laser.
REYNOLD: Let's sneak in through the front door, just like we planned, since we disabled the castle's security a week ago.
{Then the four go to the door. Ryenold opens it, and waiting for them is a whole army of elite Blue Laser minions (the regular ones with blue clothing and a visor).}
BLUE LASER MINION: Stop right there. You are under arrest.
GUNHAVER: Is this good?
RYENOLD: No.
{Then we cut to Arrowhaver's room, where Arrowhaver is being served drinks by his minions (Blue Laser minions in purple clothing). Arrowhaver takes a drink from a minion before spitting it out at that minion.}
ARROWHAVER: {angrily} I said to make it SWEET! Not bitter! Go back and fix it again!
{Then the elite Blue Laser minions walk in front of Arrowhaver, carrying Gunhaver, Ryenold, Reynold, and Firebert.}
Elite Minion: Lord Arrowhaver. We have caught the four people you wanted us to capture.
ARROWHAVER: Terrific. Now leave them here. I'll deal with them, especially Gunhaver.
GUNHAVER: {under breath} Great.
{The minions leave to another room to the captives' right. Then Arrowhaver approaches the four.}
ARROWHAVER: Your little rebellion is going to end today, whether you like it or not.
REYNOLD: Oh, we'll like it, for with the end of the rebellion, Blue Laser's empire will end too.
ARROWHAVER: How dare you speak of Emperor Blue Laser's name without giving him a proper title!
RYENOLD: Screw that!
ARROWHAVER: You do realize how you're going to be punished?
{Just then, Firebert reaveals a smoke bomb. It explodes as smoke is released everywhere. Then we see Ryenold, Reynold, and Firebert running to the room where the elite minions went seconds ago. Gunhaver is still in the smoke.}
RYENOLD: {calling out to Gunhaver} Gunhaver! Over here!
ARROWHAVER: {from smoke} Minions! The rebels are going to the Master Laboratory! Get them!
{Then Arrowhaver's Blue Laser Minions chase after Ryenold, Reynold, and Firebert. Before Gunhaver can get into that room, the doors are slammed shut. Then we cut to Arrowhaver, who is by a control pad controlling the doors.}
ARROWHAVER: Master Blue Laser has told me so much about you in the past world. Apparently, we were friends, but then you started mistreating me. You should have died when I tried murdering you.
GUNHAVER: That's because you were an idiot.
ARROWHAVER: Shut up! And now, we will end this rivalry once and for all. We shall fight.
GUNHAVER: Bring it on! Your arrows are primitive to my pistol. {reaches into his coat pocket} My... pistol... isn't here.
ARROWHAVER: {throws away his advanced bow} Don't worry. I won't cheat. I want this fight to be worth it. We'll have a physical fight.
GUNHAVER: Bring it on! You always sucked at fighting!
{Then action music plays as Arrowhaver does a fighting pose. Gunhaver also does a fighting pose by holding up his fists. Then the scene becomes widescreen. We see Gunhaver's "feet" as Gunhaver runs. We see Arrowhaver's "feet" as he runs. Then we see Gunhaver's face, which looks determined. We see Arrowhaver's face, which looks like Arrowhaver thirsts for vengeance. Then we see Gunhaver jumping into the air. Then we see Arrowhaver jumping into the air. In midair (no longer widescreen), Gunhaver and Arrowhaver strike with their "hands." Then (back in widescreen) we see them both land on the floor, Gunhaver in his "kneeling" stance in the foreground and Arrowhaver standing in the background. Both have their backs to each other. After a pause, there is a rack-focus on Arrowhaver as he wavers a bit before falling on his face. Then we cut to a close-up of Gunhaver.}
GUNHAVER: Heh. You always sucked at fighting. Now I need to go into that room.
{Cut to Ryenold, Reynold, and Firebert (no longer widescreen) running down a hall, being chased by the purple Blue Laser Minions. Then the rebels run into another room, where they see the Butterfly Effect Machine.}
REYNOLD: There it is!
RYENOLD: Firebert, use the smoke bomb on the minions and bring Gunhaver here.
BLUE LASER: {off-screen, but we see his right large mechanical foot} OH NO YOU DON'T!
{Then we cut to Blue Laser's large mechanical feet. Then we pan up until we see Blue Laser's face (he also has his large mechanical arms).}
RYENOLD: Blue Laser, this ends now.
BLUE LASER: I HAVE NOTHING MORE TO SAY EXCEPT FOR: PREPARE TO BE CRUSHED, REBELS!
{Then Ryenold throws a smoke bomb in the direction of Blue Laser. He catches it with his mechanical arm and throws it back at Ryenold, Reynold, and Firebert, trapping them in smoke.}
BLUE LASER: YOU HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN THAT IF YOU WANT TO DEFEAT ME!
{Then Blue Laser shoots a blue laser into the smoke. We hear a Cheatish scream as Firebert is sent flying out of the smoke and into some tables, knocking him unconscious. Then Blue Laser faces Reynold and Ryenold.}
RYENOLD: This is bad.
{Then Blue Laser stamps his right mechanical foot on the floor, making pieces of ceiling fall on Reynold, knocking him unconscious.}
BLUE LASER: WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S JUST YOU AND ME!
{Then we cut to Gunhaver in the hallway. He is shooting tranquilizer darts at the purple Blue Laser minions using Arrowhaver's advanced bow. Soon, Gunhaver knocks all of the minions out.}
GUNHAVER: Nice technology.
{Then Gunhaver runs towards the room where the current fight is taking place.}
{Then we cut to the room where Ryenold is fighting Blue Laser. After nearly being crushed by Blue Laser's hand, Ryenold jumps into the air and manages to punch Blue Laser in the face twice, knocking him over.}
RYENOLD: Oh yeah! It just feels good to punch Blue Laser in the face!
{Then Gunhaver comes.}
GUNHAVER: How're things going?
RYENOLD: Gunhaver, the Butterfly Effect Machine is here. Use it to change the past.
{Then Blue Laser stands up.}
BLUE LASER: GUNHAVER??? I THOUGHT YOU WOULD COME HERE! LET ME KICK YOU!
{Then Blue Laser rears up his right mechanical foot before kicking. Just as Gunhaver is about to be kicked, Ryenold jumps in the way and takes the impact, sending him flying through all the walls, outside the castle, and off the cliff by the castle.}
GUNHAVER: NOOOOOO!!!!
BLUE LASER: YOU'RE NEXT! NO INTERFERENCES!
GUNHAVER: I don't think so.
{Then Gunhaver takes out Arrowhaver's advanced bow, and before Blue Laser can react, Gunhaver shoots a dart (one that flies in Mach 7) at Blue Laser's face, knocking him out as he falls onto the floor, creating an earthquake. However Blue Laser's mechanical hands shoot blue lasers at the ceiling and at the castle wall. Suddenly, the castle begins to break apart from the fall and lasers, as pieces of the castle start breaking apart.}
GUNHAVER: Oh crap! I must go use that Butterfly Effect Machine!
{Then Gunhaver runs to the machine while dodging several pieces of rock from the ceiling. Gunhaver reads the tag by the machine and presses some buttons. Then he disappears in a flash of white just before the whole ceiling collapses.}
{Then we cut to a black and white area. Some old-style music begins playing as we see Evil Spark scuttling across the land. Then we see a railroad and we see Mr. Mayor strapped to the railroad by ropes. We see in a distance a train coming towards Mr. Mayor at full-speed. Flashing is there}
Evil Spark: {off-screen} Flashing! I thought you were seized!
FLASHING: I fled, and now, I shall stop you and your shenanigans once and for all!
{Then we cut to the railroad, where we see Mr. Mayor (tied to the tracks), Evil Spark, and Flashing. Suddenly, there is a flash of colored light, blinding Evil Spark and Mr. Mayor.}
Evil Spark: Ahh! What is this apparition-type light?
{Dramatic music begins playing. Blue Laser (in color) goes to pick up Flashing, but then, there is another flash of white as Gunhaver (in color) lands on the ground and punches Blue Laser in the nose. Just then, another Blue Laser comes to pick Flashing up, and before Gunhaver can stop him, another Blue Laser comes. Gunhaver punches the Blue Laser in the torso, accidentally pushing a button strapped to Blue Laser, making Gunhaver disappear in a flash of white, blinding all three Blue Lasers. Meanwhile, Flashing picks up Mr. Mayor and runs off with him before the train comes. Just then, another Blue Laser blocks their way.}
{Then we cut to Gunhaver by the Butterfly Effect Machine. Blue Laser disappears in a flash of white light.}
GUNHAVER: Of course. That's not how I save the world. But I know what I must do.
{Then Gunhaver presses the button, and the machine replies with this.}
You must be stuck in the past and relive it
GUNHAVER: WHAT? That's unfair! Oh well.
{Gunhaver presses a button just before there's a flash of white light as the world is turned into Blue Laser's world (again).}
{Then we cut to the past. Gunhaver is in a corridor in the Cheat Commandos HQ. Arrowhaver is walking down the corridor.}
GUNHAVER: All right, here goes. {clears throat before talking to Arrowhaver} Hey Arrowhaver!
ARROWHAVER: What?
GUNHAVER: I just want to remind you that we're still friends to the end, and that I will never mistreat you, or any of that crap.
ARROWHAVER: So you don't mean what you said on the phone earlier to Black Laser?
GUNHAVER: {thinking} This must be after we defeated Black Laser. {talking} I didn't mean that. I just said it to protect you from Black Laser. I mean, you saw what he did to Foxface, right?
ARROWHAVER: I guess you're right. We're still friends.
GUNHAVER: Yep.
ARROWHAVER: And it's a good thing, too. If you hadn't said that, I would have tried murdering you before running off to join Blue Laser.
GUNHAVER: {laughs nervously} Yep. That's ridiculous. Okay, I have to check my email.
{Then Gunhaver walks up to the Delta 1001 in his computer room. On the Delta screen, the following is said (Gunhaver does not read it).}
Have you ever thought
of trying thge part for a Dangeresque
Movie? I'd like to see what'd
you'd look like as a Dangeresque
Character and what your name
would be.
Thanks,
-Mitchell Smith, Australia
a>Well
GUNHAVER: You know, if this is the past... {excitedly} I can just go through the future events again while knowing what will happen! It's like I have psychic powers! But... if I do that, I need to make a new email address so I can get new emails instead of answering old emails.
{Gunhaver types indelete_old_email_address_and_creat_new_email_address.exe. After pressing enter, he gets the following reply.}
Your old inbox (gunhaver_email.exe) is now obsolete. Email senders will send emails to your new inbox: GEmail.exe.
GUNHAVER: That's right, email senders. Send your emails to GEmail.exe now. Hey, if this was the 25th email, there's going to be a celebration. I can still celebrate my 50th email! I hope I'm not too late!
{Gunhaver runs off. Then the Paper comes down, saying Click here to email Gunhaver atWe hope you enjoyed the 50th email.}
Easter Eggs
- Click on GEmail.exe to see this:
{Cut to the Cheat Commandos HQ celebration room, where the Cheat Commandos are celebrating Gunhaver's 25th 50th email. All 25s in the room are crossed out and replaced with 50. The candle that was shaped like a 25 is now replaced with a candle shaped like a 50. Shim-Sham-Sam is there.}
All except Gunhaver: HAPPY 50th EMAIL, GUNHAVER!!/{Japanese}/{Cheatese}/The thrill of the money!
REYNOLD: But isn't this the 25th email?
GUNHAVER: Shush!
SINGERS: {voiceover} Gunhaver Email! This is the 50th email! {the following words appear} Buy all our playsets and toys!
Fun Facts
- I'd like to thanks all of the people who emailed Gunhaver and those who contributed in helping out the Gunhaver email in any way. All of those contributions helped to the making of this email special.
- This is the longest Gunhaver email. Also, this might be/is the longest Other Character Email, and maybe even the longest fanstuff.
Act I Fun Facts
- The rock opera is the second draft of the one shown in Rock opera.
- "Andale! Andale! Arriba! Arriba!" is Speedy Gonzales' (of Warner Bros.) catchphrase.
- The butterfly effect (as described by Gyro) is about something changed in the past can make a huge change in the future.
- Blue Laser was first imprisoned in Battle.
- Evil Spark is the 1936 version of Black Laser, if you want to know.
Act II Fun Facts
- If you don't know, Mrs. Commanderson is a large bird-reptile from Teen Girl Squad Issue 7. In an Easter egg, she was seen with Gunhaver and Fightgar.
- Guninator and the Ultramarine Underling are parodying the Terminator cyborgs in the Terminator movies.
- So is the whole a cyborg going into the past to help save a person from an assassin from the future
- 30X1 is based on 30X2, first made by Joshua in the Tampo Email "future."
- I'm planning to have future emails go more in-depth with the Chabarg Commandos, Ultramarine Laser, and 30X1.
- The cannon arms used by Guininator and the Ultramarine Underlings are based on Megaman's cannon arm.
- They're also based on TX's (the female Terminator from Terminator 3) cannon arm, which was used to shoot out plasma shots and fire.
- Blue Laser was referencing to Star Wars Episode III when he mentioned Palpatine. I would go into detail, but I don't want to spoil the movie for those who still haven't watched it.
- Ryenold (Reynold's father) was made in the Cheat Commandos Characters section.
Act III Fun Facts
- Contestro Sevornkey is a character made in the Cheat Commandos Characters section. He held a rivalry with Gunhaver and the Cheat Commandos.
- This is the first time Firebert says something in Cheatese that sounds like an English word.
- Arrowhaver referenced to the emails Unused emails and Who Shot Mr. Haver? (Part 2) when talking about nearly murdering Gunhaver.
- Gunhaver's and Arrowhaver's fight sequence is similar to the fight between Stinkoman and Sticklyman in Under Construction.
- The last part of this email is during the events of the last part of Black Laser.
- If you don't know why Gunhaver had to apologize to Arrowhaver in order to save the world, here's an explanation of what would have happened if Gunhaver didn't apologize:
- Arrowhaver would still have been ticked off at Gunhaver for their broken friendship
- Arrowhaver would have tried murdering Gunhaver
- He would have been found out and would have fled to Blue Laser to join him
- He would have told Blue Laser about the secret entrance to the Cheat Commandos HQ
- Blue Laser would have tried attacking the Cheat Commandos in their HQ
- Blue Laser would have been defeated and imprisoned in the HQ's detention hall
- Blue Laser would have escaped from prison and used the Butterfly Effect Machine to kill Flashing so the Sneak Commandos and Cheat Commandos wouldn't exist, making Blue Laser and his ancestors/descendants rule the world.
- This is why Arrowhaver is extremely important to this story
- The next (probably 25) emails will take place in the events of emails 26 to 50.
- Gunhaver's does have a new inbox to prevent getting the emails he got already in emails 26 to 50.
The Lyrics of the Rock Opera
Congretulations DING
Girlfriend cheese Rhys LOVE flying OFF submarine?
Dressed donuts watch SPLODE!
Exterminate Videlectrix.
Master of GEMAIL!!!
Stupid failed ridiculous villain kicked ya!
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Kidnapped notices grandmary INDISCRIMINATED parsnips idiots nonsense!
Problematic primitive dream!
CRAP!
AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Anything!
Sweet traveling majority nerves!
What?
ALIVE!!!
Everybody must like the super-great GEMAIL!!!
GEMAIL! The greatest thing of all time!
Wow!
Positate without pizzazz and jam!
Whoa!
I'm just owing it to society!
Yeah!
Go GEMAIL! Go GEMAIL!
GEMAIL!!!
Context of the Rock Opera (first two verses)
1. First Episode: Congretulations Brendan, or was it Brondan, Branden?
2. Un-Replied Emails: ert plus. y76p. Olueight jk yee. You 4 pe. Rh. Gunhave 15456. Uhhhhh.... DING! 8901 ikg.
3. Books: Yeah, whatever, get lost, go date with your girlfriend, Edgar Allen Poe.
4. Cheesy films: (said by Dr. Croctor)Cheese is important because...
5. New Toys: (said by Reynold) Sorry about that Rhys!
6. Fhqwhgads: (said by Strong Bad) I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!
7. Magic: (said by Crakotage) Well, I was free flying, and it looks like your computer is dying. He, he, hah, hah!
8. Time Traveling: (said by Blue Laser) WILL YOU PLEASE BUZZ OFF?
9. Dreamail: (said by a Beatles member) How about Yellow Submarine?
10. Ripberger: (said by Ripberger) Does it have to do with the way I am dressed?
11. Credit card: (said by a police Cheat) What happened to Dippin' Donuts?
12. Video games: I call it Mr. Uh... Watch the Gunhaver.
13. Virus: (said by 3D Vector Strong Bad) I'll splode your head!
14. Anime: (said by Dark Sapphire Laser) Now, I will exterminate you!
15. Recreation: (said by a narrator) ...only for Videlectrix.
16. Wedginator: (said by Wedginator) I'm the master statue lord!
17. Weapon: (said by a narrator) Only available for the imagination of Gunhaver.
18. Rock opera: GEMAIL!
19. Thief: Stupid Firebert, bringing me to the safe to frame me for stealing that stupid flashlight.
20. Retro: And that is the failed plot of the Limozeen in Space cartoon!
21. Cooking: (said by Reynold) He made a bunch of ridiculous stuff...
22. double SS: (said by Villain) I am a horrible villain.
23. thief 2: (said by Shim-Sham-Sam) It was nice to see Slippy getting his butt kicked by Falco...
24. short email: See ya!
25. Black Laser: (said by Black Laser) Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, that's one ha too many.
26. Rangeresque: (said by Foxface|Foxyface): Now I won't be kidnapped.
27. Switch: (said by Gyro) I finished it three months ago, but you never paid attention to my notices.
28. Encrypted: (said by Wedginator) Woo-hoo! My grandmary possum!
29. Drawing: INDISCRIMINATED.exe!
30. Time traveling 2: (said by Sir Gunsman) ...You'd better eat no parsnips!
31. Back to the Present: You idiots.
32. Crapbert: (said by Blast Maverick) Nonsense! I've seen hundreds of Eskimos in that mall!
33. Unused emails: See? Problematic, which is not the best way to...
34. Who Shot Mr. Haver? (Part 2): (said by Arrowhaver) ...and they said my weapons were primitive!
35. Bread: Sounds like a pathetic dream.
36. Ungurait: (said by Blue Laser) CUT THAT CRAP!
37. Training: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
38. Anything: You can do anything you want after answering...
39. New Mission: That's a pretty sweet nickname.
40. Comic: ...but I don't want to go through all the trouble of traveling to visit Strong Bad.
41. Robbery and Texas: (said by Frostbite) Majority rules, Blast Maverick.
42. Star Wars: But seriously, you're getting on my nerves.
43. FtLoaBT: (said by The Homestar Runner) What?
44. Evil: (said by Reynold) The trees are ALIVE!!!
45. Camping: Everybody??? {laughs} More like... Reynold.
46. Invasion: Um, Cairo? I think that's a must.
47. Battle: Well, it looks like you lose, Blue Loser.
48. Robots: And why have you joined with the Rusty Duck Clan?
49. Pageant: The GEmails are so super-great!
50. Butterfly Effect: GEMAIL!!!
