Other Character Email Tampo/apocalypse

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Tampo Email #25: "apocalypse"

Summary: After receiving another threatening email, the three bosses go back in time to kill Strong Bad once again.

Cast (in order of appearance): Tampo, Brody, Stlunko, The Trickster, Sidekick Bob, Homsar, Strong Bad, Stinkoman, 1-Up, Pan Pan, NEB-1, Sticklyman

Places: Computer Room, A Hallway, A 2005 Field, A 2037 Workplace, A 20X6 Field, A Construction Yard, A Junkyard, A Dining Room, Planet K & Moon, Virtual Chamber

Length: 192 Lines

Date: July 10, 2005

Transcript

{The three bosses are at the SuperCom. Everything is normal.}

TAMPO: {singing} Chewa-chewa-email, chewa-chewa-mail! Chewa-chewa-email, chewa-chewa-mail!

STLUNKO: Wait. Tampo, there is a new message in your inbox entitled "SUPER-ULTRA-MEGA IMPORTANT." Should I open it?

TAMPO: Well, if it's that important, I guess you should.

BRODY: Exaggerator.

TAMPO: Probably. Let's see it, anyway.

{The super-ultra-mega important email is displayed and Tampo reads it.}

BRODY: Another threatening email?

TAMPO: First of all stupid, there's only one Master out there, and his name isn't the Gregginator, got that? Heh heh, the "Gregginator." What kind of geek would use that name? Anyways... it seems like you're stuffing in... let me see... four death threats in one single email.

BRODY: That has to be world record or something.

TAMPO: Yeah, so... hmm... something about you seems familiar, Gregginator. What was it?

STLUNKO: He, or rather, Cherry Greg, sent us an email back in Tampo Email #2. He ordered us to destroy Strong Bad in that email, just like he is here.

TAMPO: Oh, yeah. I remember now.

BRODY: He ordered us to go kill Strong Bad in that email too, didn't he?

TAMPO: Yeah, he did. That idea didn't work out so well though.

STLUNKO: How could he be emailing us? We destroyed his ancestor Cherry Greg. He was never created.

TAMPO: I have no idea.

STLUNKO: It is impossible for him to exist.

BRODY: Don't worry about it. As we pointed out in our last email, we have one of the strongest security systems and army in the world. I mean, we do, right?

TAMPO: Yeah, we do. It's just unsettling, haven't some guy who's not supposed to exist email you. Well, I guess I'll reply to him.

STLUNKO: It could be fake. I cannot identify to owner of the email address that sent this.

TAMPO: Well, let's just do what he suggested. {to the SuperCom, entered into word document} Okay Mr. Gregginater dude. We want to live longer than everybody else, so we'll go kill Strong Bad for ya.

BRODY: {not entered into word document} And let's make sure we kill him this time.

TAMPO: Yep. Let's go.

{The three leave the Computer Room.}

STLUNKO: {while leaving} Wait. I have a better idea.

{The camera pans to a hallway. There is a shadowy section in a corner. Tampo, Brody and Stlunko pass by. Once they are long gone, the Trickster and Sidekick Bob appear out of the shadows.}

THE TRICKSTER: Heh. They fell for it!

SIDEKICK BOB: {sarcastic} Hooray. What kind of ingenius plan to tortune Tampo will you think up next?

THE TRICKSTER: Hey, lay off. You don't always begin big, y'know.

SIDEKICK BOB: Whatever.

THE TRICKSTER: Oh, be quiet. I'll think of something good for the next prank. But now I think we should get some of my friends onto our side.

SIDEKICK BOB: Alright, but be careful. We can't have this leaking out to someone completely loyal to Tampo.

THE TRICKSTER: Yeah, yeah. I know. I'll be careful.

{Screen fades to black. It fades back in to a 2005 field. Homsar is here, staring blankly. Suddenly there is a white flash, and Tampo, Brody and Stlunko are here, floating/standing/sitting next to Homsar.}

TAMPO: Back in 2005! Man, it's been a while.

BRODY: So, Strong Bad's house should be near- hey, look out! It's that powerful warrior guy!

HOMSAR: AaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAa! The washing machine's calvary has arrived. {starts wobbling towards the three bosses}

TAMPO: Stlunko, get him.

{Stlunko uses his big hand to swat Homsar away. Homsar flies away, out of sight.}

HOMSAR: {while flying away} AaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAa!

BRODY: That was easy.

TAMPO: Onto Strong Bad! Where is his house...?

STRONG BAD: {singing, quiet, offscreen} ...and I'll pretend it was made of money.

BRODY: Huh? {turns around} There he is!

{The two other bosses look in the same direction. The camera moves away from the bosses and focuses on Strong Bad, he is walking happily, oblivious to the trio.}

STRONG BAD: {singing} And then I'll pretend it was- {notices the bosses} Woah! {jumps back, lands on his bottom} Holy crap! What are those things?!

{Tampo floats up close to Strong Bad.}

TAMPO: Good evening, Strong Bad. We have come from the future to destroy you.

STRONG BAD: Huh? What?! Why would you want to kill me? What'd I do?!

{Strong Bad turns to run away from Tampo, but is intercepted by Brody.}

BRODY: It's nothing personal, really. It's just that you're going to build Stinkoman in the future. We can't have that.

STRONG BAD: What? That's not fair! You can't kill me!

{Tries to run towards the background, away from Tampo and Brody. As he runs, one of Stlunko's hands zooms in place and Strong Bad smacks right into it.}

STRONG BAD: Oof!

{Stlunko grabs Strong Bad in his iron fist and then rolls into position, filling up the background.}

STLUNKO: It is similar to Terminator 2.

STRONG BAD: Stop!! Please! How about a trade? You let me live, and I'll give you my best The- Oof!

{Strong Bad was flung into the ground by Stlunko, knocking him unconscious.}

TAMPO: Sorry, Strong Bad. But the Gregginator told us to.

{Tampo zaps Strong Bad with a laser ball, causing him to flash and fizzle with electricity, and then crumple to the ground in a charred, smoking heap.}

BRODY: Hate to have to do this.

{Brody stomps Strong Bad with one of his feet. When he lifts it up, Strong Bad is partly visible in a depression in the earth. Then the three bosses stare at the body for a few seconds until Brody breaks the silence.}

BRODY: Is that it? Is he dead?

STLUNKO: Strong Bad's life signals are negative. He is dead.

{Suddenly the sky flashes like lightning and thunder is heard. Dark clouds suddenly fill the sky and a light rain falls.}

TAMPO: {glances at the sky} That was weird weather.

BRODY: So when we get back to 20X6, there'll be no Stinkoman? He'll be gone?

TAMPO: {sober} He'll have never existed, I guess.

{The screen turns dark a little and the sound disappears. Brody seems to say something, but nothing is heard. Suddenly a narrator speaks with a somewhat deep, soft male voice.}

NARRATOR: And so, Tampo, Brody and Stlunko killed Strong Bad in the year 2005.

{Screen fades to a scene of an older, taller Strong Bad with a welder's helmet on. He is holding a small torch and using it on an incomplete Stinkoman robot, who is laying on a table. No sound is heard, other than the narrator, and the screen is still a little extra dark.}

NARRATOR: In the year 2037, four years before the Exty calender was introduced, Stinkoman was not created.

{Strong Bad and the incomplete Stinkoman suddenly vanish into nothing. Then the screen fades to darkened scene of 1-Up and Pan Pan in a 20X6 field.}

NARRATOR: 1-Up and Pan Pan were still created, however without Stinkoman to protect them, they didn't last too long after their creators' deaths in the year 205X.

{The screen loses its darkish tint and the sound becomes normal. One of NEB-1's eyeballs drop in from the sky, and 1-Up and Pan Pan look at it.}

1-UP: Hey, eyeball! We're looking for the Guy! Are you the Guy?

{NEB-1 walks forward, his front half in the camera's view.}

1-UP: You're not the Guy!

NEB-1: {roars, charges forward, trambling 1-Up and Pan Pan}

{After NEB-1 charges away, the scene darkens once again and the sound disappears. 1-Up and Pan Pan are both crumpled on the ground, not moving. Then the scene fades to Sticklyman, without his robot parts, working in a construction yard by himself. He is shoveling a bunch of dirt, similar to the Poopsmith.}

NARRATOR: Without Stinkoman to intervene, Sticklyman remained a humble worker for the rest of his rather long life.

{The scene fades to a 20X6 junkyard. Tampo, a normal, immobile brain is sitting on a side of a large junk heap. His robot body is crumbled on the ground nearby.}

NARRATOR: Because Stinkoman did not exist, Tampo and his robot body that would resurrect him never were united, and Tampo was never reborn.

{The scene fades to a somewhat pudgy human with brown, short hair at a table. On the table is a large plate holding a giant fried egg. The man is looking at the egg hungry, and he is holding a fork in one hand and a knife in the other.}

NARRATOR: And without Stinkoman to buy and forget about Brody's egg, he never got a chance at life.

{Scene fades to a darkened picture of Stlunko sitting in a field.}

NARRATOR: And of course, with the Master being nothing but a humble worker, he never created Stlunko.

{Stlunko fades into nothingness. Then the screen fades back to the darkened scene of the boss trio around Strong Bad's body in 2005. No sound is heard from them.}

NARRATOR: Indeed, Tampo, Brody and Stlunko no longer exist.

{Tampo, Brody and Stlunko fade into nothing, leaving Strong Bad's body alone. Homsar wobbles in and says an inaudible phrase. The the screen pans out to show Planet K and its moon.}

NARRATOR: Without Tampo, Brody, Stlunko, Stinkoman, 1-Up and Pan Pan, the world of 20X6 is no longer as we know it. It has become... empty, in a sense. Of course, without the three bosses, Strong Bad was never killed. This will result in the creating of Stinkoman, the protecting of 1-Up and Pan Pan, and the creation of Tampo, Brody and Stlunko. This, of course, will result in Strong Bad's death. The cycle will continue endlessly until the tear it causes in the time/space continual grows so big, it destroys the entire universe, ending all life as we know it.

{A huge explosion occurs and fills the entire screen. When it disappears, everything is gone, leaving pitch blackness.

NARRATOR: This is the end of Tampo, Brody, Stlunko and indeed, 20X6 altogether. Good-bye.

Easter Eggs

  • Clicking anywhere causes a variant of the "Email Tampo" pop-up to appear.
{A pop-up appears for a few seconds before fading away into black. It looks like the regular pop-up, except with different text: "Do not bother to click here to email Tampo. He does no longer exist."}

Fun Facts

  • READ THESE!!! THEY CONCERN YOUR FUTURE!
  • Unfortunately, this is the end of Tampo Emails.
  • Even more unfortunately, because of the destruction of the universe, this is also the end of all 20X6 adventures everywhere.
  • This includes all 20X6 related fanstuff on this site.
  • Also, this marks the end of the Stinkoman 20X6 game, and all 20X6 related content on the official Homestar Runner website.
  • And because it was a rip in the time/space continual, when the H*R 20X6 universe was destroyed, it destroyed all other H*R time periods as well.
  • So this is the end of all Homestar Runner related fanstuff, no matter what type.
  • And HomestarRunner.com for that matter.
  • You can kiss the knowledge base, fanstuff and forum good-bye now.
  • I'm sorry for this unfortunate happening. It's the Gregginator's fault! Don't blame me!
  • Also, don't pay attention at the extra small size of the scroll bar on the right side of the window. That means nothing.
  • And don't scroll down to bottom of this page either. I'm serious. Don't.
  • DON'T SCROLL DOWN!!!
  • So, this is probably the last Tampo Email fun fact ever. It's been fun, it's been great, but everything has to end sometime. I'm sorry to have it end this way, with the destruction of H*R.com and the wikis, but there's nothing we can do about that anymore. Good-bye, and go find something fun to do in the real world.

Quick Links






















TAMPO: {offscreen} Virtual reality, off!

{Suddenly we cut to the Virtual Chamber. Tampo, Brody and Stlunko are all in the large chamber, with large virtual reality headsets on, each custom made to fit the wearer. The screens showing what they are seeing are pitch black. Then their headsets float off their heads, being lifting by the wires that connect them to the roof. The three bosses get out of the chamber.}

TAMPO: Well, Stlunko, you saved our lives there.

BRODY: You saved everyone's lives.

STLUNKO: I thought it might be best to test the scenario out in the simulator. Just in case.

TAMPO: Man, we were so lucky to have not killed Strong Bad in that email a long time ago.

STLUNKO: I researched and discovered that we hadn't killed anybody.

TAMPO: Good. Then we didn't mess anything up too badly back there.

BRODY: It looks like we'll have to attack Stinkoman the fair way. Going back in time won't work.

TAMPO: Yeah, but I think its probably better like this.

BRODY: That's great and all, but what about the Gregginator?

STLUNKO: He said Planet K is finished one way or the other. Maybe he intended us to destroy the universe.

TAMPO: {laughs} I don't think so. That way he would die too.

STLUNKO: Not if he was some sort of interdimensional being who could faze in and out of our universe at will.

BRODY: Okay, now you're just being silly.

STLUNKO: Oh. Wait. I was silly? I made a joke? How curious... I must go research this phenomenon. {rolls out of the room, leaving Tampo and Brody}

BRODY: So Tampo, what are we going to do with the Gregginator? He may still attack us.

TAMPO: Oh, I wouldn't worry about him. I say let's just do what we're doing with that Japanese person: Wait for him to attack us, and if he does attack us, kick his butt.

BRODY: Oh.

TAMPO: C'mon, Brody. Let's go do... stuff.

BRODY: Stuff, huh? Okay, whatever.

{The two exit the room. After a few seconds, the screen turns to black and fades into a close up of the SuperCom's screen, with the famous "Click here to email Tampo." pop-up displayed prominently onscreen.}

Easter Eggs You have found an easter egg! Hooray-a for you!

  • Clicking on "email Tampo" to make another, similar pop-up appear.
{A pop-up appears next to the "Email Tampo" pop-up. It looks like the regular pop-up, except with different text: "Don't worry. Tampo Emails are still going to stick around. For real.}

Fun Facts

  • Don't worry, as the easter egg states, Tampo Emails aren't really over. They'll still keep on going strong.
  • This email features a massive fourth wall break. The fact that the virtual simulation features a Easter Eggs and Fun Facts section proves that it acknowledges their existance in a transcript in the Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki.
  • This is probably the first email to use this gimmick.
  • Joshua actually had to un-wrap the email Tampo received. It's original size made it nearly 20 lines long!
  • "Chewa-chewa-email" comes from one of Strong Bad's old scroll button raps.
  • Brody commenting on this being another threatening email, and the mention of "that Japanese person" at the end refer the previous email "security," where Tampo received a email with a death threat.
  • Along with the Gregginator and desire for Strong Bad's death, Tampo's initial response to him is from Tampo Email #2: "time travel."
  • The four death threats in the email are "...before I destroy you." "...you'll die a terrible death." "So, Planet K is finished..." and "-Future Destroyer of you..."
  • Tampo saying their first attempt to kill Strong Bad didn't work out refers to the Tampo Email "conquest," where they were defeated by Homsar and sent back home with Strong Bad surviving.
  • The Gregginator being unable to exist refers to how Tampo killed his ancestor Cherry Greg in the "time travel" email, making the Gregginator never born.
  • To understand the bit with the Trickster and Sidekick Bob, you'll need to have read all the emails from "master" onwards, expecially the last one.
  • Tampo says "Back to 2005." The last time he visited this year was in "time travel" when he went to kill Cherry Greg. In "conquest," he time travelled to 2002.
  • When Homsar says "washing machine" he's refering to Stlunko. This is a reference to Homsar's Blog, where that is what Homsar calls Stlunko on a continuous basis.
  • Strong Bad's little song is from the Strong Bad Email "mile."
  • Stlunko saying that Strong Bad's dilemma is similar to Terminator 2 refers to when a man in Terminator 2 is nearly killed, and eventually dies, because he will create a powerful machine in the future.
  • If you can't figure it out, Strong Bad was going to trade The Cheat for his life.
  • 1-Up talking to NEB-1's eyeball refers to what it did in the beginning cutscene of Stage 5.3 in Stinkoman 20X6.
  • If you don't understand how Sticklyman became the bosses' master, you'll need to have read the Tampo Email "master."
  • For info on how Tampo, Brody and Stlunko were created, you'll need to read the Tampo Email "relatives."

Quick Links

This email features a hidden DVD Commentary by Joshua and TotalSpaceshipGuy3.
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