Other Character Email Gunhaver/Pageant
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Summary
Gunhaver gets an email talking about his death caused by the King of Town. The death scene is reenacted in a recently made pageant, "The Somewhat Tragic Supposed Death of a Loser who is a Gunhaver Wannabe."
Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver/King of Town, Flashfight, Pineface/Gunhaver Wannabe, Reynold/Stunt Double, Silent Rip/King's Servant, Fightgar (Easter egg), Firebert (Easter egg), Tomahaver (Easter egg), Power Punch (Easter egg)
Lines: 67
Transcript
{Cut to Gunhaver in front of the Delta 1001. He types ingunhaver_email.exe.}
GUNHAVER: The GEmails are so super-great! The emails are so super-great... they're so, so, so-so-super-great!
{Gunhaver presses enter to make the following email appear.}
Dear Gunhaver,
If you happen to die in the near
future from an unfortunate accident
involving a blindfolded the King of
Town thinking you are a giant bowl
of potato chips, may I have your
most precious valuables and all of
your cash/money?
Not exactly your best friend,
EMJS
{For EMJS, he says Emjas.}
GUNHAVER: Wait, so, Emjas, you're saying that I'm going to be killed by the King of Town? That's just wrong! But, you know, the timing couldn't have been more perfect! Flashfight just wrote the pageant, "The Somewhat Tragic Supposed Death of a Loser who is a Gunhaver Wannabe," and we just made our first performance just two hours ago. Come have a watch... somehow.
{Then we cut to the Cheat Commandos HQ auditorium, where Flashfight is standing on the stage.}
FLASHFIGHT: Lights, pleeese. {a spotlight is focused on him} Zees pageeant was made by mee, so eef you like eet, thank mee. Enjoy the pageeant. Somebody play the peeano.
{Then Flashfight walks away. Then we hear poor piano music as Gunhaver (wearing a crown) walks onstage.}
GUNHAVER: My, my. I am the almighty King of Town. I'm not fat, and I am cool and young. I am the best king ever. And now, it is time for me to watch TV. I must find my bowl of potato chips!
{Gunhaver walks offstage. Then Pineface (wearing a hat similar to Gunhaver's and shades) walks onstage.}
PINEFACE: I am not Gunhaver, but I want to be the almighty Gunhaver, who is almost as good as the King of Town. So, I shall spend today acting like him in hopes of being recognized as Gunhaver more than as a normal loser than... {sigh} Pineface.
{Then Pineface walks offstage. Then Gunhaver (now wearing a blindfold over his shades) walks onstage, carefully walking in order to not fall or anything like that.}
GUNHAVER: Oh no! I'm blindfolded! And my bowl of potato chips is missing! As well as some of my other stuff! My servants are taking care of that, but now, I must find my bowl of potato chips beat it up for being missing!
{Then Reynold (with a piece of paper that says, "I am playing as that wannabe") is pushed onstage.}
REYNOLD: Wait, I don't like this. I mean, I like performing in pageants, but...
FLASHFIGHT: {off-screen and whispering} Shut up!
GUNHAVER: My bowl of potato chips must be nearby! I must punch it for being missing from me!
{Then Gunhaver slowly walks towards Reynold, and before Reynold can realize what's going to happen, Gunhaver punches Reynold in the nose, twice, knocking him onto the floor.}
REYNOLD: Ow...
{Then Silent Rip (dressed in a grey version of his coat) comes with a bat.}
SILENT RIP: My lord, I found the bat that you wanted to find.
GUNHAVER: Good, good, my servant. Now go and find my bowl of potato chips. I will find my piñata.
SILENT RIP: Yes, my lord.
{Then Silent Rip walks offstage.}
GUNHAVER: WHERE IS MY PINATA??? I will hit my bowl of potato chips with my bat in order to find my piñata!
{Then we cut to Gunhaver (who is still blindfolded) swinging the bat down several times, each time, creating a smacking sound. Each time, we hear Reynold crying out, "Ow!" Then he stops as we pan out to see Gunhaver has just beaten the ever-loving crap out of Reynold, who is laying on the stage, in pain.}
GUNHAVER: Wait, that wasn't my piñata. {takes off blindfold} Oh no! I killed the Gunhaver wannabe! Yes! I mean... Yes!
{Then Silent Rip walks onscreen with a bowl with a bag of Potate potato chips in the bowl.}
SILENT RIP: Here is your bowl of potato chips, and I see you've killed the Gunhaver wannabe.
GUNHAVER: Okay. Throw his body away! And for no logical reason whatsoever, I will now read Gunhaver's will. And I mean the real Gunhaver.
{Then Gunhaver takes out a piece of paper.}
GUNHAVER: The following people don't get anything when I die: Blue Laser, Reynold, Blue Laser, his minions, anyone affiliated with Blue Laser (that includes Arrowhaver), Blue Laser, my schoolteachers (if I have any, and I think I do), did I mention Blue Laser, Emjas, some other people I hate, Blue Laser, and finally, Blue Laser.
{Then we cut to Gunhaver in front of the Delta 1001.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} So there you go. When you sent me this email, you were probably thinking about that masterpiece of a pageant, but for some reason, Reynold said he's quitting performances for the rest of his life, and that's unreasonable! The pageant, "The Somewhat Tragic Supposed Death of a Loser who is a Gunhaver Wannabe" was brilliant! This decreases his chances of going on missions. So, Emjas, that answers your question. You are getting zilch. Now I must go and see how the preparation for the 50th email celebration is coming along. ZOOM!
{Gunhaver runs off-screen. The Paper comes down, saying Click here to email Gunhaver at gunhaver@homestarrunner.com.}
Easter Eggs
- Click on pageant at the end to see the program of the pageant:
"The Somewhat Tragic Supposed Death of a Loser who is a Gunhaver Wannabe" By Flashfight
Gunhaver...The King of Town
Pineface...Gunhaver wannabe
Silent Rip...The King's servant
Reynold...The Stunt Double
Act I: The King of Town wakes up on a beautiful day, as well as the Gunhaver wannabe
Act II: Some stuff and the potato chips are missing. The King of Town gets blindfolded
Act III: The King of Town kills the Gunhaver wannabe for crimes of the kingdom. Then all of his stolen stuff were recovered, the real Gunhaver's will is read, and all celebrate
- Click on 50th email celebration at the end to see this:
{Cut to the celebration room. Gunhaver walks up to Silent Rip, Fightgar, Firebert, Tomahaver, and Power Punch sitting on lawn chairs, drinking cans of soda, watching something.}
GUNHAVER: Guys! Guys! Guys! You're supposed to be preparing for the celebration! The 50th email is coming sooner than you think!
FIGHTGAR: Which is why we're making Reynold do all the work.
{Then we see Reynold on top of a ladder, hanging up a banner that says, "Congretulation on your 50th email Gunhaver!"}
REYNOLD: How is it?
POWER PUNCH: {off-screen} A little to the left.
REYNOLD: AGAIN??
{Then we cut back to Gunhaver and the guys. Tomahaver has his tomahawk out.}
TOMAHAVER: Watch this.
{Tomahaver throws his tomahawk at the ladder, making it tip over, making Reynold, by surprise, hang in the air onto the banner before he falls onto the floor.}
REYNOLD: Ow.
{Then we cut back to Gunhaver and the guys.}
GUNHAVER: {to Tomahaver} Touché. You're definitely better than your whiny brat of a brother.
Fun Facts
- The Potate potato chips were first shown in morning routine.
