Other Character Email Gunhaver/Hot Sauce
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Summary
Gunhaver tries to go through a normal day, but normality can't be a trend anymore, these days.
Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Alpha Stan, Reynold, Homsar, Arrowhaver, Silent Rip, Fightgar, Reinforcements (voice only), Beta Oyster
Lines: 147
Page Title: Alpha 1024
Transcript
{Cut to Gunhaver in front of the Alpha 1260.}
GUNHAVER: Let's see if normality likes me today. {singing} It's time for a normal email! No villains, time traveling, or killing! It's time for a normal email! No going unconscious, running into walls, and a mob trying to shoot me down!
Hello Gunhaver. You have 21 new emails.
GUNHAVER: G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-GO!
{The following email appears on the screen.}
Subject: Mexican food?To my second most favourite Cheat:
A Cow Puncher
Has you ever tried Mexican food? You should trick Reynold
into drinking some super hot sauce, or something. I'll give
you two to the power of four dollars if you eat
Mexican food. You know, form Mexico.
Dancing on Blursdays,
GUNHAVER: {reading} To my second most fav-ow-ite Cheat... {normally} So who's your favorite? It'd BETTER not be Reynold! {reading} Has you ever tried Mexican food? {normally} Maybe, pour soul confused with his verb tenses. {reading} You should trick Reynold into drinking some super hot sauce, or something like fire. I'll give you tutu the power of four dollars... excuse me... $16,000 if you eat Mexican food. You know, form Mexico. {normally} Can you elaborate more on Mexican form? {reading} Dancing on a negative void, a running gag.
{Gunhaver clears the screen and begins typing.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} Well, compadre who will explode, I don't know if you're giving me $16,000 if I feed Reynold super hot sauce or if I eat Mexican food. Ooh! Maybe I'll eat nachos and Reynold will drink the super hot sauce!
{Cut to Gunhaver and Reynold in the Cheat Commandos HQ kitchen, which looks rather empty. Only a cabinet and a tiny refridgerator are visible.}
GUNHAVER: Hey Reynold. I'm trying to get $16,000. I need you to eat something.
{Reynold gains large, bubbly eyes over his glasses to represent his sudden happiness.}
REYNOLD: {cutely} Really? You're going to feed me?
GUNHAVER: Don't get your hopes up, you freak.
{Reynold's eyes "break" off like glass, revealing Reynold's glasses. Then Gunhaver goes to the cabinet and gets out a bottle of "SUPA HOT SAUR-CE!!!!". Then he goes to a refridgerator and gets out nachos dipped in salsa. Then he gives Reynold the bottle of super hot sauce.}
GUNHAVER: Drink this.
REYNOLD: Why? It looks dangerous.
GUNHAVER: JUST DRINK IT!!! I'm trying to earn 16 grand, mind you!
REYNOLD: All right! All right! Fine!
{Reynold pops the cap off of the bottle and drinks from it. Meanwhile, Gunhaver is eating his nachos. Suddenly, Reynold's face grows red as steam blows out of his head.}
REYNOLD: {screaming} AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! MAMA-MIA!!!!! THAT'S FREAKIN' HOT!!!!
{Suddenly, a shiny, white portal appears to Reynold's right. A short, weird-looking, blue person with a bowler hat wobbles out of the portal. Suddenly, Reynold, due to the hot sauce, shoots fire out of his mouth and at the weird person's head. After Reynold stops breathing fire, Gunhaver goes to Reynold and smacks him on the head.}
GUNHAVER: Reynold! Look what you've done! You irresponsibly drank hot sauce, and look what happened! You conjured up a freak!
{Suddenly, the person's head starts to shoot out electric sparks. There is a tiny explosion, causing smoke to shoot out of the person's large mouth.}
PERSON: DaAaAaAaAaA! I've got rhinosaurs in my sleep! {pause} DaAaAaAaa! Homsar's got no midnight snack in the oven of hope!
{Pause. Gunhaver smacks Reynold in the head again.}
GUNHAVER: Now look what you did! He can't speak English!
REYNOLD: Is that my fault?
GUNHAVER: The answer is yes.
HOMSAR: Juh-heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey cheesy pies! I've got fishshakes for breakfast!
REYNOLD: Uh, should we do something about this?
GUNHAVER: Don't worry. I know how to deal with this problem.
{Gunhaver smacks Reynold in the head again, knocking him unconscious. Meanwhile, Homsar wobbles away off-screen. Pause. Gunhaver resumes eating his nachos.}
{Cut to Homsar wobbling down a hallway.}
HOMSAR: DaAaAaAaaaA! The pickles of worry are eating my shoes!
{Arrowhaver walks from the opposite side and looks at Homsar, who stops wobbling.}
ARROWHAVER: Who the crap are you? Are you here to kill us? Are you here to spy on us? {nervous} Are you here to steal my precious Indianhead penny again?
HOMSAR: Hey Jimbo fluke! I'm a pizza in a pepperoni nugget! The gravy train is coming aboard a week from next Blursday!
ARROWHAVER: Blursday??? {manic} THE CONSPIRACY IS TRUE!!! BLURSDAY WILL EAT US ALL!!!
{Arrowhaver runs off-screen. A smacking sound is heard.}
ARROWHAVER: {off-screen} Oh... that's the last time I run into a wall on medication...
HOMSAR: In the hole of Harrison Ford!
{Homsar continues to wobble off-screen. Soon, Silent Rip and Fightgar walk onscreen.}
SILENT RIP: Who is that???
FIGHTGAR: I think it should be what is that?
SILENT RIP: I think that's the missing link!
FIGHTGAR: Nah, I think it's something we have to hunt for no reason at all!
SILENT RIP: Why?
FIGHTGAR: Because that's what all hunters do. Hunt for no reason at all!
SILENT RIP: No, I mean why try? You don't have a gun anymore!
FIGHTGAR: Meh. Slingshots will do.
{Cut to Homsar wobbling to a closed door. Suddenly, a pebble is thrown at the back of his head, causing Homsar to turn around.}
HOMSAR: DaAaAaAaaaaaAAAAAAAAA! What did I do to his Iversons?
FIGHTGAR: {off-screen} Holy crap! He likes basketball! He won't receive any mercy from us at all!
SILENT RIP: {off-screen} Yeah! Sell him to a zoo!
{Silent Rip and Fightgar run onscreen with slingshots. Silent Rip's slingshot's string is snapped into two.}
HOMSAR: What's up, my jalopian homies?
FIGHTGAR: Silent Rip, do you have the glass shard?
SILENT RIP: Here.
{Silent Rip hands Fightgar a glass shard. Fightgar places it in the slingshot and prepares to fire.}
HOMSAR: AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaAAAAA! Never play with toilets, kids! Pshoo!
{Homsar starts screaming as he runs to the door, runs up the wall, and on the ceiling. Fightgar and Silent Rip look at him in amazement.}
FIGHTGAR: Eep! It's the freak that defies the law of what Gyro called "grabbity"! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
{Fightgar runs away, shrieking like a girl. Suddenly, Homsar falls onto the floor, headfirst. Silent Rip runs up to Homsar and looks at him.}
SILENT RIP: Hey! Are you okay?
{Homsar gets up. Suddenly, sparks fly out of Homsar's mouth as some whirring is heard.}
HOMSAR: Yes, I'm fine. Thank you. {realizes something} Hey! The Jibberish-to-English program is working! That bump on the head was the trick!
SILENT RIP: Uh... yes... so... would you like to come with me to the zoo?
HOMSAR: The zoo? Look, I'm not a freak. I'm just a freak... I mean, a guy from another dimension.
SILENT RIP: Oh... that's convincing.
HOMSAR: Listen. I have something important to tell Gunhaver. It's a warning.
SILENT RIP: Oh, a worming?
HOMSAR: A WARNING!
SILENT RIP: Sorry, but this helmet has earmuffs equipped. Anyway, I'll just bring Gunhaver to a hallway with a computer conveniently sent to us!
{Silent Rip walks off-screen.}
HOMSAR: Eh, that's what I wanted.
{Cut to an identical hallway, except there is a computer on the floor. Gunhaver and Silent Rip walk up to Homsar.}
GUNHAVER: Okay, I was in the middle of eating nachos and waiting for my 16 grand, so this'd better be good! {notices Homsar} What is this? That freak was a delivery boy? {notices computer} And that computer sucks!
HOMSAR: I'm not a delivery boy. Anyway, Gunhaver, my name's...
{Suddenly, sparks fly out of Homsar's mouth.}
HOMSAR: ...Legitimate animal crackers in my toenails! DaAAaaaAaAaAaA! Oh no! I've got the funky tripe!
GUNHAVER: Uh... is that even supposed to make sense?
SILENT RIP: Uh... well... he made sense minutes ago.
GUNHAVER: You had your earmuffs accessory on, didn't you?
SILENT RIP: {sighs} Yes, but don't you think you can translate what he's saying?
GUNHAVER: Meh. I'll give it a shot. {to Homsar} Tell me what you want to tell me.
HOMSAR: JeEeEeEeEeEeEeeERY Crackers in the hood of the telegraphic money corruptor at your service, ma'am!
{Pause.}
GUNHAVER: Um... I think... he said... {alarmed} Oh my Cornbread! He said Jimmy jumped off the cliff!
SILENT RIP: Jimmy jumped off the cliff???
GUNHAVER: Silent Rip, get all reinforcements and go to the bottom of the cliff and save Jimmy's wallet!
SILENT RIP: Yes sir!
REINFORCEMENTS: {off-screen} Did someone say my name?
{Silent Rip runs off-screen}
HOMSAR: DaAaAaaAaAAAAAA! Oh-no Jomey Jopes! You've got the salad in the compression tank of ice!
GUNHAVER: All right, fine. You can come with me too.
{Gunhaver walks to a door. Suddenly, it gets surrounded by electricity.}
GUNHAVER: What the...
{Suddenly, the other door gets surrounded by electricity. Soon, multicolored energy covers all of the walls. Gunhaver and Homsar stand there, afraid.}
GUNHAVER: What the crap is this??? Is this a sign telling me I can't have a normal email anymore???
VOICE: MWA-HAHAHAHAHA! YOU ARE NOW STUCK IN MY TRAP!
HOMSAR: Oh no! I've been phsoo in my pocket!
GUNHAVER: Who are you???
VOICE: Look at the computer!
{Cut to the computer, where Beta Oyster is seen on the screen.}
GUNHAVER: Alpha Stan??? YOU must be Shadow all along!
BETA OYSTER: I'm Beta Oyster, you dimwit!
GUNHAVER: Oh, well, I didn't know that.
BETA OYSTER: Well, consider this to be the first of our two meetings, with the second being your ultimimate last!
GUNHAVER: Dude, that quote sucked.
BETA OYSTER: Soon, nothing will matter on what sucks or not!
HOMSAR: Hey Jim! We've got the Jimmy-Jim in the cliff!
GUNHAVER: {angrily at Homsar} Look, I know Jimmy jumped off a cliff, OKAY???
BETA OYSTER: ENOUGH!!!! YOU WILL NOW BE MY SLAVES, NOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!
{Suddenly, a flash of light shoots from the computer and engulfs Gunhaver and Homsar. When the flash of light is gone, everything is back to normal, sans Gunhaver and Homsar. Alpha Stan appears on the computer screen to deliver his message.}
Click here to email Gunhaver at GEmail.exe
Easter Eggs
- Click on an invisible "JIMMY" button on the computer screen to see this:
{Cut to a bottom of a cliff. Silent Rip walks onscreen. He looks around.}
SILENT RIP: Nope. He didn't jump off of this one. Onto the next cliff then, not worrying about what's going on back home.
{Fightgar walks onscreen.}
FIGHTGAR: Wait, who's Jimmy?
{Silent Rip makes a slight look of surprise.}
- Click on Alpha Stan to see this scene:
ALPHA STAN: Well, I have a feeling that the Alpha 1260 will be cold and empty... again. Better be sad than happy!
{Alpha Stan adopts a frown face. Reynold, whose face looks burnt, walks onscreen.}
REYNOLD: That was a very bad experience in the kitchen... again. {looks at Alpha Stan} That's it. I'm going back to drink more hot sauce.
{Reynold walks off-screen. The message "More muscles to frown than smile!" appears on the computer screen.}
Fun Facts
- This email is the first part of Other Character Email Gunhaver's crossover with Homsar's Blog.
- The page title references one of Homsar's computers, Rocko 1024.
- The email sent to Gunhaver references Blursdays and Punching Cows.
- Homsar makes a reference to Blursdays.
- Homsar references Harrison Ford, a famous actor.
- Homsar references Allen Iverson, a famous basketball player.
- Silent Rip makes a reference to the missing link.
- The slingshots were first introduced in Switch 2.
- The term "grabbity" was used in Garfield and Friends.
- The Jibberish-to-English converter is from Homsar's Blog.
- It's a fact that is takes more muscles to frown than to smile.
