Other Character Email Gunhaver/Massacre
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Summary
Gunhaver goes to escape from prison while Shadow decides to attack the Cheat Commandos.
Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Police Cheats, "Brain" Gunhavers, Blue Laser, Shadow, Arrowhaver, Alpha Stan, Gyro, Flashfight, Reinforcements, Firebert, fCon Ninjas, Sushi Bar Employee, Silent Rip, Crackotage, Firebert, Jewel, Iron Prizefighter, Power Punch, Reynold, Max, Fightgar, Contestro, Foxface
Page Title: Alpha 1260
Lines: 375 Lines
Transcript
Act I: Battle Preparations
{Cut to a ventilation shaft. Gunhaver crawls from the left.}
GUNHAVER: {whispering} If I keep myself quiet and careful, I can possibly find my way out of this prison and escape!
{Gunhaver continues to crawl. He begins to crawl over a grate. Suddenly, the grate opens, causing Gunhaver to fall out of the ventilation shaft, screaming. Cut to an office in the police station, where three Police Cheats are on computers or eating doughnuts. Suddenly, Gunhaver falls and lands on the floor, causing the three Police Cheats to look at him. Gunhaver gets up.}
GUNHAVER: Um... hi? Look, I just got released from prison, and I don't want to be sent to prison again. I really want to capture the flag! I promise I'll go into the other side and be an easy target in the next game! Okay?
{Gunhaver runs to the left. Suddenly, he crashes into a fat Police Cheat entering the office with doughnuts, knocking Gunhaver onto the floor.}
FAT POLICE CHEAT: Uh... I really should stop going on doughnut breaks and should pay attention to important events concerning my job, right?
POLICE CHEAT #1: Oh yes. At least a prisoner just failed to escape.
{Cut to Gunhaver in a straitjacket in his cell. The sound of the prison door being locked is heard.}
GUNHAVER: Hmm... they locked the door. That is new. {pause} I think I can escape from prison if I do that crazy thing again. The problem is, I'm all out of insanity juice.
{Cut to a reddish city. The caption, "A manisfestation of Gunhaver's brain" appears. Cut to a booth similar to a lemonade booth. It's labeled "Insanity Joose". A transparent Gunhaver is hammering the sign "sOLD oUT" on the booth. Then the transparent Gunhaver starts walking off-screen.}
"BRAIN" GUNHAVER #1: Well, I sold all of my insanity juice! I think I did a good job! Now it's time for me to retire to Acapulco!
{The "Brain" Gunhaver walks off-screen. Pan right to reveal more booths with sad-looking "Brain" Gunhavers. The booths include "Niceness Juice", "Smart Juice", "EVIL JUICE!", and "prune juice".}
"BRAIN" GUNHAVER #2: {in "Niceness Juice" booth} Aww... why doesn't Gunhaver ever drink niceness juice?
"BRAIN" GUNHAVER #3: {in "Smart Juice" booth} Or smart juice?
"BRAIN" GUNHAVER #4: {in "EVIL JUICE!" booth} OR EVIL JUICE! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!
"BRAIN" GUNHAVER #5: {in "prune juice" booth} Hmm... prune juice is very good and tasty!
{Pause.}
"BRAIN" GUNHAVER #4: All right, let's go kill that prune wimp!
"BRAIN" GUNHAVER #3: Yeah!
"BRAIN" GUNHAVER #5: No! Gunhaver's going to lose brain cells... again!
{Cut back to Gunhaver in his cell. His mouth is foaming, indicating Gunhaver is going through a mental problem.}
{Cut to a dark room. Blue Laser walks onscreen.}
BLUE LASER: UM, HELLO? WHY IS IT SO DARK IN HERE??? {pause} I THOUGHT YOU LIVED IN A NICER APARTMENT ROOM!
SHADOW: {off-screen} I lied. I don't have a house. I always sneak into empty houses and live in them for a while.
BLUE LASER: UM... WHY???
SHADOW: {off-screen} DON'T QUESTION MY VALUES, YOU SCUM! You don't even have a house!
BLUE LASER: ACTUALLY, MY HEADQUARTERS IS...
SHADOW: {off-screen} Shut up! We're getting nowhere! {walks onscreen} I'll have you know that while I should have been getting a house, instead, I have prepared an army and an attack on the Cheat Commandos! They will be dead by the time the sun sets. And best of all... {zoom in on Shadow's face} ...it will be Gunhaver's fault.
{Cut to the Alpha 1260 on the computer desk in Gunhaver's computer room. Arrowhaver walks onscreen.}
ARROWHAVER: Hmm... nothing interesting to do. {sees Alpha 1260} Oh? What's that? It's Gunhaver's computer. {pause} I think I'll do something stupid, like checking his email for no good reason!
{Arrowhaver gets onto the chair in front of the computer. Alpha Stan appears on the screen.}
ALPHA STAN: Identify yourself, you non-Gunhaver, you!
ARROWHAVER: Uh...
{The Alpha 1260 shoots a beam of light at Arrowhaver for one second.}
ALPHA STAN: Identity scans reveal that you are neither Gunhaver or Reynold. For that, you are rewarded with an email sent to no one in particular.
{The following email pops up on the screen. Alpha Stan disappears.}
Subject: None. How sad.PI PI PI...
Generalissimo Killt
WE HAVE FOUND AN INTRUDER.
WE ARE GOING TO ATTACK.
Your friend,
ARROWHAVER: {reading} Pee, pee, pee... {stops reading} Oh, that reminds me! I need to go to the bathroom!
{Arrowhaver runs off-screen. Alpha Stan appears on the screen.}
ALPHA STAN: {droning} Losing battery power. Must shut down...
{The Alpha 1260 turns off. Arrowhaver walks onscreen and gets onto the chair.}
ARROWHAVER: Now to read the rest of the email. {silence} Oh... my... Cornbread... The email disappeared. {scared} Oh no! {shrieking} IT'S A GHOST EMAIL!
{Arrowhaver runs off-screen, shrieking like a girl. After a pause, Alpha Stan reappeared on the Alpha 1260.}
ALPHA STAN: Rebooting... Using auxiliary battery power... Bringing up the previous email before the previous shut down...
{The email reappears on the screen. Gyro walks onscreen.}
GYRO: Hmm... I wonder what all that girlish screaming was all about. {sees Alpha 1260} Hmm... someone left an email on the computer again. What are we... Gunhaver wannabes? He's in jail! Deal with it! Sheesh! {pause} All right, curosity is the winner of this psychological match.
{Gyro gets onto the chair and reads the email.}
GYRO: {reading} 3.14285714285714285714285714285714285714285714..., 3.14285714285714285714285714285714285714285714..., 3.14285714285714285714285714285714285714285714... {stops reading} Just a little joke. Anyway... {reading} We have found an intruder. We are going to attack. Your friend, Generalissimo Killt. {stops reading} Ooh! Spam mail from Europe! Let's see who sent the spam mail so we can fire nuclear missiles at the email sender. {pause} That was a joke, mind you. {pause} Augh! You're supposed to laugh, Alpha Stan!
{Alpha Stan appears on the screen and laughs monotoniously.}
GYRO: Oh you're no fun! Just trace the spam email sender's computer's I.P. address and name using the new upgrades I gave you!
ALPHA STAN: Yes, sir!
{Alpha Stan moves his mouth without any sound for a few seconds.}
ALPHA STAN: Found the computer, the Lapvance 500X. The I.P. address is 7.33.Q.Elephant. The user of the computer is {static} a.k.a. Shadow... Shutting down. Low on auxiliary battery power.
{The Alpha 1260 shuts down.}
GYRO: Hmm... Gunhaver should recharge his computer's battery more often. Who knows how many times he missed the opportunity to learn about something important because of battery problems? {pause} Probably everyone, and the answer is zero. Anyway, Shadow sending an email indicating an attack on us means only one thing. {panicking} OH MY EINSTEIN! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!
{Gyro runs away to the right, shrieking like a girl. Cut to Arrowhaver, shrieking like a girl, running to the left. Cut to Gyro, shrieking and running. Cut to Arrowhaver, shrieking and running. Cut to Gyro and Arrowhaver, shrieking and running, crashing into each other and onto the floor. After a pause, they casually get up.}
GYRO: There. I showed you what would happen if we were running like idiots and crashed into each other. Happy now?
ARROWHAVER: Yes!
GYRO: Good. Now go work on your science fair project! {Arrowhaver walks off-screen} And make sure to get a styrofoam board, not a burning billboard! {pause} Now it's time for me to leave.
{Gyro walks off-screen. After a pause, Flashfight leans onscreen.}
FLASHFIGHT: Did I hear we're all going to die? Let me go get reinforcements!
{Flashfight goes back off-screen just as Reinforcements runs onscreen.}
REINFORCEMENTS: Yes sir? {pause} Aw, crap! Not again! You know, I'm starting to think that my name...
{Pan left to reveal Firebert, making Cheat noises of agreement. Reinforcements looks at Firebert, makes a realization, and pushes Firebert off-screen, creating a crash sound.}
{Cut to Gunhaver in his prison cell.}
GUNHAVER: Man, I can't zip myself out of this straitjacket anymore... or punch holes through it. Man, these jerks are getting smart! {pause} Oh well, I don't need to panic. It's not as if the end of the world is happening right now.
{Cut to an empty street of Cheat City. A giant, purple blur speeds through the streets, creating a sound similar to a racing car. Cut to the front of a sushi bar. The purple blur speeds into the sushi bar. Five seconds later, the purple blur runs out of the sushi bar, breaking the doors off. An employee runs out of the sushi bar, holding a bill.}
SUSHI BAR EMPLOYEE: {shouting} Hey! You forgot to pay for your raw fish!
{Cut to a street leading to the Cheat Commandos HQ. The purple blur speeds up the street and crashes into the Cheat Commandos HQ. Cut to a window of the Cheat Commandos HQ, where Silent Rip is looking out on binoculars. The scene shakes as the purple blur crashes into the HQ.}
SILENT RIP: Sir!
{Reinforcements runs onscreen.}
REINFORCEMENTS: Self-proclaimed substitute leader Reinforcements here.
SILENT RIP: We have a little problem. See for yourself.
{Silent Rip gives Reinforcements the binoculars. Reinforcements looks out of the window. Cut to what Reinforcements is looking at, a gigantic army of millions of fCon Ninjas with the Cheat Commandos' weapons. Cut back to Reinforcements and Silent Rip. Reinforcements throws the binoculars onto the ground.}
REINFORCEMENTS: {angrily} I want you to read a dictionary and define "little problem" NOW!
{Silent Rip sulks and walks away. Reinforcements looks out the window.}
REINFORCEMENTS: I need some of our best fighters! Fightgar!
SILENT RIP: {off-screen} He's not here!
REINFORCEMENTS: Where's Flashfight?
SILENT RIP: {off-screen} I thought you knew, since you're the leader!
REINFORCEMENTS: Okay... where's Arrowhaver?
SILENT RIP: {off-screen} He's gone too!
REINFORCEMENTS: Contestro?
{Cut to the same scene with the addition of Crackotage, Firebert, Jewel, Iron Prizefighter, and Power Punch.}
REINFORCEMENTS: And finally... where's Pineface?
SILENT RIP: {off-screen} He ran away from home or went to protest on something concerning trees.
REINFORCEMENTS: Well, that sucks. We're all going to be massacred and there's nobody good to help us.
JEWEL: Hey! We take offense in that! {pause} Iron Prizefighter and I, that is.
POWER PUNCH: Aw!
{Pan right to reveal Reynold.}
REYNOLD: I am over here.
IRON PRIZEFIGHTER: Reynold, do I have to tell you what you should do?
REINFORCEMENTS: Wait! I just thought of something that could make Reynold very useful to my plan in saving our lives!
{Cut to a Police Cheat in a dark hallway. He walks to a cell door, opens it, and walks inside. Cut to inside Gunhaver's prison cell. Gunhaver looks a little crazy.}
GUNHAVER: ...and then, I'll have all of the bunnies surround the police station, and when I give the signal, they'll shoot carrots of doom at the building, killing every single police officer! Then, I'll give them ice cream and poison them! And then...
POLICE CHEAT: You're released.
GUNHAVER: ...macaroni and cheese... {sane} Wait, what?
POLICE CHEAT: You're released. Someone bailed you out of prison, and as much as we hate to do that, the someone gave us a whole freakin' lot of dough, so we couldn't pass up the offer. So GIT!
GUNHAVER: Wow, that's great! {rips the straitjacket in half with his hands} Have a nice day!
{Gunhaver begins to walk out of the cell.}
POLICE CHEAT: But wait! I have a feeling I must tell you who bailed you!
{Cut to a close up on the Police Cheat's face.}
POLICE CHEAT: Because the someone left a message, indicating his reason in bailing you. He said he bailed you so you can see your bleak future, and...
{Zoom out to reveal Gunhaver's already gone.}
POLICE CHEAT: {saddened} Nobody likes police officers anymore! I just wanted to be dramatic! What's wrong with that?
{Cut to Gunhaver walking down a street, smelling the air.}
GUNHAVER: Ah! The fresh air! It's been a long time since I smelled it! I still think it sucks!
{Yelling and shooting is heard off-screen.}
GUNHAVER: Hmm... I wonder what's going on.
{Pan right to reveal the battle between the Cheat Commandos and the fCon Ninjas. Cut back to Gunhaver.}
GUNHAVER: Great. I go to jail for about three weeks, and the guys start a battle without me!
{Fade to black. This message appears on the screen.}
The first act is now over, so there's an intermission. Use this time to go to the bathroom or kill your pet cat.
Act II: Evil Ninjas...
{Cut to the fCon Ninjas shooting at the Cheat Commandos HQ wall. Cut to the inside of the Cheat Commandos HQ, where Reinforcements is in front of Silent Rip and Firebert in front of a window with a large view of the ninjas.}
SILENT RIP: Are you finished with the plan, sir?
REINFORCEMENTS: Yes. Here it is! {pause} COME OVER HERE!
{Reynold, in a fish costume, walks onscreen. Silent Rip and Firebert instantly laugh on the floor.}
REYNOLD: Just how is this useful in fighting ninjas? I find this very...
{Iron Prizefighter walks onscreen and opens the window. Then he throws Reynold outside. Cut to the middle of the army of ninjas. Reynold crashes into some ninjas before the others pile on him. Reynold's screaming is heard. Cut to Reinforcements, Silent Rip, Firebert, and Iron Prizefighter lookout out of the window.}
IRON PRIZEFIGHTER: How is this supposed to help us in our current situation?
REINFORCEMENTS: We get rid of Reynold.
SILENT RIP: Sir, you're a genius.
REINFORCEMENTS: Right. Now, {to Iron Prizefighter} go get some really big and heavy rocks and go to your post!
{Iron Prizefighter runs off-screen.}
REINFORCEMENTS: {to Silent Rip} Get some pebbles that'll poke eyes out and bring them to this post!
{Silent Rip runs off-screen.}
REINFORCEMENTS: {to Firebert} Firebert, get a better commando name!
{Firebert groans in Cheatese as he walks off-screen.}
{Cut to Gunhaver running to the battle.}
GUNHAVER: {grumbling} Stupid guys. {grumble} Think they can have fun without me.
{Gunhaver bumps into an fCon Ninja, who turns around to look at him.}
GUNHAVER: Look, get out of my way! I need to get inside that building!
fCON NINJA: Sorry, but we're in the middle of killing the Cheat Commandos right now, so if you don't want your...
{Cut to the ninja's twitching eyes. Cut back to the previous shot.}
fCON NINJA: You're Gunhaver! {turns around} Hey, everyone! Gun...
{Suddenly, a large shadow looms over the ninja and the ninjas around him. A large rock falls from the sky and crushes all ninjas in the area, barely missing Gunhaver. There is a pause.}
GUNHAVER: Meh, nothing new.
{Cut to Iron Prizefighter on the roof of the Cheat Commandos HQ, throwing large rocks at the army of fCon Ninjas, crushing several at a time. Cut to the room with the window, where Silent Rip, Reinforcements, Crackotage, and Power Punch are shooting pebble at the fCon Ninjas with slingshots. Cut to an fCon Ninja getting shot in the eye with a pebble.}
fCON NINJA: {in pain} Ah! My eye! It hurts so freakin' much! I must do seppuku for some reason!
{The fCon Ninjas falls onto the ground, dead. Cut to Iron Prizefighter on the roof. There's one rock left on the rooftop. Just when Iron Prizefighter is about to lift up the rock, he falls onto the rooftop.}
IRON PRIZEFIGHTER: {exhausted} Ack! Burnout!
{Iron Prizefighter goes unconscious. Cut to Gunhaver running into the Cheat Commandos HQ through the front door. Gunhaver quickly slams the door behind him.}
GUNHAVER: Phew! Thank goodness for the pebbles and rocks being used against the ninjas to create a diversion for me to get inside the headquarters!
{Silent Rip runs onscreen.}
SILENT RIP: {singing} On my way to get more pebbles... On my way to get more pebbles... On my way to get... {sees Gunhaver} Sir! You're back!
{Cut to this time card.}
One sappy reunion later...
{Cut to Gunhaver in front of Crackotage, Silent Rip, Power Punch, and Reinforcements.}
GUNHAVER: So it's just you four running the ship?
POWER PUNCH: This is a boat???
REINFORCEMENTS: Well... Gyro's in his lab, making weapons...
GUNHAVER: Shut up. Now, I'm going to Gyro's lab to see if he screwed up my Alpha 1260 again.
SILENT RIP: What about the battle? We have no ammo!
CRACKOTAGE: Well, things can't get worse from here. Our attacks are effective as a leer! He-he-hah-hoo!
{Suddenly, a wall breaks down. fCon Ninjas run inside the headquarters. The Cheat Commandos run inside a room through a metal door. Cut to the Cheat Commandos in the said room.}
GUNHAVER: Okay, so we're going to have our butts kicked and burned in any minute now.
REINFORCEMENTS: Can I remind you it was your fault the ninjas are armed?
GUNHAVER: Can I remind you that we're going to die if we don't do something fast, and that I'm higher than you in status?
REINFORCEMENTS: {pause} Crap... you're right.
GUNHAVER: Now, in my journey to prison, I learned a new type of attack that's really devastating. Here it is: Think of something that drives you absolutely insane. Then see the results.
REINFORCEMENTS: What??? That's it? That's lame!
GUNHAVER: Oh yeah? Well...
{Cut to Crackotage, straining his face. Gunhaver and Reinforcements are heard arguing off-screen.}
CRACKOTAGE: {angry} I can't find a real word that rhymes with orange, and it just drives me...
{Cut to the previous shot. Gunhaver and Reinforcements are about to punch each other when Crackotage screams. Then he crashes through a wall into the army of fCon Ninjas. Then he starts beating them all up mercilessly, sending the ninjas flying around, crashing into walls or outside, knocking them all unconscious. Once all of the ninjas inside are dealt with, Crackotage, still insane, runs through the wall broken through before, creating another hole. Cut back to Gunhaver, Reinforcments, Silent Rip, and Power Punch. There is a lengthy pause accompanied by screaming heard off-screen.}
REINFORCEMENTS: Well, will you look at that?
GUNHAVER: I'm a genious. Now, I'm going to go to visit the "genious" who screws up my computer.
{Cut to Gyro in his lab, working on a small, circular device.}
GYRO: If I can finish this nuclear grenade in time, then maybe I won't have to deal with...
SHADOW: {off-screen} Me?
{Shadow falls from above and kicks Gyro onto the ground. Then Shadow puts his/her "foot" on Gyro's "neck".}
SHADOW: Hello again, Gyro.
GYRO: {in pain} What do you want?
SHADOW: You know what I want.
GYRO: {in pain} An efficient diet plan?
{Shadow grabs Gyro and slams him onto the ground, making Gyro scream in pain.}
SHADOW: You do not want to mess with me. Now, hand over what I want, the Prototype.
{Gyro groans in pain. Shadow looks impatient.}
SHADOW: {impatient} Well?
GYRO: {whispering in pain} It's not done.
{Shadow roars in anger before punching a table, breaking it in half.}
SHADOW: {in a rage} YOU USELESS PIECE OF CRAP! HOW DARE YOU NOT FINISH MAKING THE PROTOTYPE! YOU DO KNOW THAT WITHOUT IT, THE EARTH WILL BE DEFINITELY DESTROYED, NOT CHANGED FOR THE GOOD! YOU WILL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DESTRUCTION OF THIS PLANET IF YOU DO NOT FINISH!!!!!!!
{Gyro gets up.}
GYRO: Well, do you know how hard it is to make the Prototype?
SHADOW: YOU'RE A FREAKIN' INVENTOR!!! NOW I KNOW YOU'RE JUST A LIAR!!! YOU WILL NOT ONLY BE FORCED WITH MAKING THE PROTOTYPE, BUT YOU WILL RECEIVE A SEVERE PUNISHMENT!
GYRO: Oh, Cornbread, no! I've had enough with your immense weight!
{Shadow angrily grabs Gyro by his necktie. Then Shadow gets out a bottle of Warm One.}
SHADOW: WHY YOU LITTLE...
GYRO: {pleading} OH, CORNBREAD, NO! NOT THE WARM ONE!!! ANYTHING BUT THE WARM ONE!!!
{Suddenly, a pebble is thrown at Shadow from the left. Cut to the left, where Gunhaver runs through a doorwar.}
GUNHAVER: Hey, butt-face! Nobody, and I mean nobody, abuses Gyro but me! And maybe Flashfight!
{Gunhaver walks to Shadow and Gyro.}
SHADOW: Why, hello Gunhaver. I believe that this is the first time we've met. I'm ashamed that it's in the most shameful of circumstances, with this SCUM who can not do a thing but lie to keep himself alive... the coward.
GUNHAVER: Uh... just... who are you?
SHADOW: I am the one who haunts your nightmares!
GUNHAVER: The milk man!
SHADOW: NO!
GUNHAVER: The paper boy?
SHADOW: No!
GUNHAVER: My old vaccuum cleaner?
SHADOW: Ye... no!
GUNHAVER: Bugs...
SHADOW: SHUT UP!!! I don't feel like this is the appropriate time to reveal my true identity yet. But let's say I think of you a personal threat to my position. I so wish to shoot you in the head. You have insulted me far too many times in the past! You made my life miserable! I also have a raspy voice!
GUNHAVER: {excited} I've GOT IT! I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! YOU'RE MY SISTER!
{Pause.}
SHADOW: You don't even have a sister!
GUNHAVER: If you believe in yourself, all of your dreams can come true.
{Pause. Shadow gets a freaked-out look.}
SHADOW: {to Gyro} Is he always this idiotic?
GYRO: I'm assuming it was jail.
SHADOW: Oh. {to Gunhaver} Anyway, I guess I should just kill you so I can commence with torturing Gyro.
{Shadow jumps to Gunhaver and punches him in the face. Gyro tries to run away, but Shadow gets out a gun and shoots at Gyro, making Gyro trapped in a pile of sticky goo onto the floor. Gunhaver tries to run at a table with beakers, but Shadow throws a black disk at the table, blowing it up, sending Gunhaver flying in the opposite direction. Shadow jumps and punches Gunhaver onto the ground. As Shadow lands, Gunhaver tries to grab Shadow's "legs", but Shadow flips in the air and throws a black ball at Gunhaver, trapping him in a black, transparent bubble. Then Shadow lands on the ground in front of Gunhaver.}
SHADOW: {panting} You know, you're not suppposed to be here. This is supposed to be my time of glory!
GUNHAVER: {distorted} Oh shut up, you generic villain!
SHADOW: You don't want to mess with me.
{Shadow snaps his/her fingers, causing the bubble to be full of electricity, giving Gunhaver pain. The electricity disappears after five seconds.}
SHADOW: Now, I shall torment you with an explanation of my plans.
GUNHAVER: {distorted} Oh crap!
SHADOW: You know the ninjas outside? Well, they're your fault!
{Cut to a greyscale shot of Gunhaver signing the contract held by Max in the fCon warehouse.}
SHADOW: {voiceover} Remember the contract you signed about two months ago? It turns out you also missed the fine print that says that whatever is done in terms of the use of the weapons you gave away is your responsibility. So, the ninjas are using the weapons you allowed them to use to kill the Cheat Commandos.
{Cut to a greyscale shot of Gunhaver checking an email in the police station on the Dandy Tandy.}
SHADOW: {voiceover} The email you checked when you were in jail was actually a signal indicating that you ordered the ninjas to attack the Cheat Commandos, thanks to my programmer, hired due to the money I robbed from the bank.
GUNHAVER: {voiceover and distorted} So, does this explain why the Dandy Tandy crashed on me?
SHADOW: {voiceover} No, and I could really care less.
{Cut to a greyscale shot of Gunhaver in solitary confinement.}
SHADOW: {voiceover} Anyway, the signal to the ninjas to attack was why you're in solitary confinement.
GUNHAVER: {voiceover and distorted} Oh. I thought it was because I went nuts.
SHADOW: {voiceover} Same thing. Now stop interrupting me!
{Electricity and Gunhaver's screams are heard off-screen. Cut to Gunhaver in a WANTED poster.}
SHADOW: {voiceover} Even if the ninjas fail, you will be blamed for trying to kill the defenders of the world, indicating world domination.
{Cut to Shadow in front of Gunhaver in the bubble. Gunhaver is snoring.}
SHADOW: However, there's a reason why I came here. It's... {sees Gunhaver asleep} Oh screw it! I'm leaving! I'll have you know you're not winning at all! I have access to Blue Laser's cloning machine, so you'll have an endless supply of ninja clones used against you! You only lost the war, seeing that I have kidnapped Gyro so he can work on the Prototype.
{Shadow runs off-screen. Gyro's screams are heard. Then a poof is heard. Gunhaver stops snoring.}
GUNHAVER: I heard that!
{Fade to black. Cut to Silent Rip walking onscreen to Firebert.}
SILENT RIP: {exhausted} It's your turn to beat up ninjas... again.
FIREBERT: {eager} Meh!
{Firebert runs off-screen. Gunhaver, Reinforcements, Jewel, Arrowhaver, Gyro, Fightgar, Contestro, and an exhausted Iron Prizefighter walk onscreen.}
CONTESTRO: So how are we doing?
GUNHAVER: The ninjas are still being cloned and attacking our defenses. We're still using the insanity juice in our brains. Shadow kidnapped Gyro so he can work on this "Prototype", and Shadow is probably going to come to kill us all later on. I'd say we're doing fairly well.
JEWEL: Uh... please define "fairly well".
GUNHAVER: No. Instead, I'll just wonder about who freed me.
{Flashfight walks onscreen.}
FLASHFIGHT: Oh, that's easy. I did it.
GUNHAVER: {surprisd} You did? Where'd you get the money to bail me out of jail?
FLASHFIGHT: Oh, that's easy. I stole it from a bank.
GUNHAVER: Oh, that's interest...
{Suddenly, Gunhaver makes a realization. Shadow's voice is heard in Gunhaver's thoughts.}
SHADOW: {Gunhaver thinking} ...due to the money I robbed from the bank.
GUNHAVER: Of course! I should have known all along!
{Gunhaver grabs Flashfight and throws him onto the ground.}
FLASHFIGHT: What the...
GUNHAVER: {shouting} It's him! He's Shadow! He's the one who framed me with the bank robbery, which was I had to go to a freakin' police station for two weeks! He's responsible for the ninjas sent to attack us!
FLASHFIGHT: What??? You don't have any proof!
GUNHAVER: Who cares? Nobody cares about proofs anymore!
REINFORCEMENTS: Normally, I'd disagree, but looking at our current situation, I say ARREST HIM!!!
{Suddenly, the scene freezes, and everything turns into a shade of red.}
ANNOUNCER: {voiceover} Does this mean that Shadow is actually Flashfight? Does this mean that the threat of Shadow is over? What about Gyro? What is this Prototype Shadow and Gyro spoke of? And to state one more point of interest, who is Shadow's programmer? Tune in next time/season on Other Character Email Gunhaver, now with more cheese!
{Alpha Stan's face appears on the frozen scene.}
ALPAH STAN: Click here to email Gunhaver at GEmail.exe.
Fun Facts
- This is the first non-special email with acts.
- This is the longest non-special email.
Act I Fun Facts
- To know why Gunhaver's in jail, read Garage Sale. To know why Gunhaver's in solitary confinement, read Chef.
- Gunhaver references Capture the flag in the beginning.
- Acapulco is a city and major sea port on the Pacific coast of Mexico.
- Shadow was in an apartment room in Garage Sale.
- Alpha Stan last used the identity scan in Switch 2.
- This was also where Gyro's upgrades to the Alpha 1260 were first shown.
- Gyro recites Pi when reading the email.
- Click here to learn about I.P. addresses.
Act II Fun Facts
- The Cheat Commandos' slingshots are from Switch 2.
- Seppuku is a traditional form of suicide for samurai.
- Click here to learn about burnouts.
- Click here to learn more about nothing rhyming with the word "orange".
- Shadow liking Warm Ones was revealed in Chef.
- The idea of Warm Ones came from property of ones.
- The scene with Gunhaver signing Max's contract is from fCon.
- Gunhaver checking an email on the Dandy Tandy is from Chef.
