Other Character Email Gunhaver/Black Laser 3
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Summary
This is the final part of the Gunhaver Email Special. Gunhaver, Frostbite, Blast Maverick, Power Punch, and the Mail Cheat commence looking for the pillow truck with Reynold. Then they have to stop Black Laser.
Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Frostbite, Blast Maverick, Power Punch, Mail Cheat, Truck Driver, Reynold, Black Laser. Foxface, The rest of the Cheat Commandos
Transcript
{We cut to the Action Figure Storage Truck chasing the pillow truck. Then we cut to the interior of the truck, where Gunhaver is driving and the rest of the heroes are in the rear.}
Gunhaver: All right, so get ready for some fierce confrontation once we catch that pillow truck.
Frostbite: Why? It's just a pillow truck.
Gunhaver: Yeah, but still.
Blast Maverick: Shoot! I forgot to bring my bullets, not that I am allowed to have them. Those...
Power Punch: Okay, no swearing! This is still a kids' program. But Gunhaver, what are we going to do when we catch that pillow truck?
Mail Cheat: Why, I need to give Mr. Reynold the package.
Gunhaver: {looking at the rear of the truck} Oh Mail Cheat, you're still alive and here?
Mail Cheat: Yes, as a matter of fact...
{Suddenly, the Action Figure Storage Truck crashes into the pillow truck (which just stopped in front of a house).}
{Then we cut to outside the trucks, where our heroes, the Mail Cheat, and the Truck Driver are talking to each other.}
Truck Driver: You just trashed my truck, man!
Gunhaver: Don't you know who we are?
Truck Driver: You're a Cheat Commando, but the rest are just miscellaneous.
Blast Maverick: WHAT??? Why I oughta hurt you!
{Blast Maverick takes out his SMG and shoots, causing noise, making the truck driver faint of shock.}
Blast Maverick: What do ya know? Blanks are just as fun as real guns!
Power Punch: {from the pillow truck's rear} I found him! He's in a fetal position, and he's stuck in that position, for he was in that position for some hours.
Frostbite: I'll take care of him!
{Frostbite takes out his harpoon.}
Minutes later
{Then we cut to Gunhaver, the Mail Cheat, and Reynold. The Mail Cheat is giving Reynold the package, somehow, for the Mail Cheat broke his bones.}
Mail Cheat: After a bunch of broken bones, here is your package.
Reynold: Wow! Thanks! I've been waiting for this for a long time!
Gunhaver: {amazed} You mean, you KNEW that Flashfight was giving you the White Laser??? Why are you that important all of the sudden???
{Then Reynold opens the package, revealing a book called The Insiders.}
Reynold: I've been waiting for this from Mr. Fight for all those months!
Gunhaver: {to Mail Cheat} Wait, isn't this from Flashfight?
Mail Cheat: No, this is from Mr. Fight, or Arthur Fight.
Gunhaver: Then what did he say about Black Laser?
Mail Cheat: He never talked about that! I just made that up so you can find Reynold so I can give him the package.
Gunhaver: {through gritted teeth} Why I ought to kill you!
{Then we cut to the Cheat Commandos HQ, which is back on the ground. Then we cut to the interior, where Gunhaver is typing an email on his Delta 1001.}
Gunhaver: {typing} Dear Blue Laser, As much as I hate to send you this email, I want to ask you where Black Laser is going to do his evil plan. If you answer this, I'll leave you alone for some time, maybe. Your nemesis, Gunhaver.
{Then we cut to a room with Gunhaver, Reynold (looking at the torn remains of his new book), Frostbite, Blast Maverick, and Power Punch.}
Gunhaver: Has anyone noticed that the rest of the actual Cheat Commandos have not made an actual appearance in the last two parts, and yes, I am aware I'm breaking the fourth wall.
Frostbite: Yeah, that's weird. I mean, even the headquarters' cook is gone, meaning we can't have dinner.
Gunhaver: There's always fast-food.
{Then a phone rings. Gunhaver goes to a phone and answers it.}
Gunhaver: You rang?
Black Laser: {from other side} Look you idiot, it's me, Black Laser. I just understand that my son, Blue Laser, made a deal with you. Well, guess what, he is stuck in a prison cell in where I am, and that's where the rest of the Cheat Commandos are stuck in.
Gunhaver: Well, shut my mouth...
Black Laser: {from other side} SHUT UP! GEEZ!
Gunhaver: Why are there Bonus Stage references all of the sudden? I mean, the opening is basically the same as...
Black Laser: {from other side} SHUT UP! OR I WILL VAPORIZE THE REST OF THE CHEAT COMMANDOS WITH THE BLACK LASER, WHICH IS WHY I KIDNAPPED THEM, AND THIS IS HOW I CAN HAVE MY REVENGE BEFORE ATTACKING YOU AND REYNOLD AND SOME OTHER WEIRDOES WHO IS AN ESKIMO, A RUFFIAN, AND A KARATE KID! BLUE LASER TOLD ME, BUT I MAY VAPORIZE HIM!
Gunhaver: YES!
Black Laser: {from other side} I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP! ANYWAY, I'M GOING TO VAPORIZE THE CHEAT COMMANDOS AND THEN, I'M GOING TO DESTROY THE REST OF YOU. THEN, I WILL USE THE BLACK LASER TO MAKE ME THE EMPEROR OF THE WORLD, AND IF NOT, THEN IT'LL BE VAPORIZED AND I CAN LIVE IN SPACE!!! {Pant, gasp, wheeze} {raspy voice} Wow, I need some water.
Gunhaver: Well, go ahead. Vaporize them. Except for Foxface. I don't like the rest, and Arrowhaver's lame these days.
Black Laser: {from other side} You mean, you don't care if your friends are vaporized???
Gunhaver: Except for Foxface.
Black Laser: {from other side} THEN I WILL VAPORIZE HER IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP AND GIVE ME, THE KEY... TO... THE... FREEDOM OF THE WORLD!
Gunhaver: Dude! That doesn't exist! It's just myth.
Black Laser: {from other side} WHAT??? THEN I WILL VAPORIZE YOUR GIRLFRIEND IF YOU DON'T GO TO THE PERSIMMON BUILDING RIGHT AWAY!
Gunhaver: All right, I'm coming.
Black Laser: {from other side} And come alone.
{Then we cut to the Persimmon Building, which is a tall tower in the city. Gunhaver climbs to the tower by a fire escape and meets Black Laser.}
Black Laser: You know there was an elevator here?
Gunhaver: Yeah, but I'm a Cheat Commando. So, where is Foxface?
Black Laser: Right over there!
{Then we see Foxface is strapped to a target, which is what the Black Laser is aiming at.}
Gunhaver: Wow, you put all of this work so you can fight me.
Black Laser: Similar to that. It's like this. Years ago, before the Cheat Commandos was even made, Flashfight and I fought to the death on top of Mt. Slowmore. Flashfight won and somehow, I got my right hand lost, which is why I have a mechanical hand, which is very cool. Anyway, I was humiliated by the loss, but I still lived. So, I gave Blue Laser the position of crushing the Cheat Commandos when it was made and I went into hiding for quite some time, which is why I was known to be blind, dead, or living in the Underworld. Anyway, I improved my skills by lifting weights. Then I found that all to be useless when I made the Black Laser, the laser deadlier than the Blue Laser. Then, I wanted revenge by defeating the leader of the Cheat Commandos in a fight.
Gunhaver: But Flashfight is the leader! I'm just a squad leader! And didn't Flashfight just blind you with his flashlight?
Black Laser: Exactly for the first two sentences! And for the third one, that's just a myth made up by Shim-Sham-Sam, as well as my death. But still, I heard Flashfight is going to make you leader somehow, later in the future, in a movie.
Gunhaver: Yeah, people know.
Black Laser: So basically, if I defeat you in a fight, I can basically have my revenge already, for Flashfight's too old for a challenge. I mean, he was so easy to kidnap, as well as the others. So, let's fight!
Gunhaver: All right, but we use fists only! No weapons!
Black Laser: Sorry, but I'm not one to follow rules.
{Then Black Laser presses on some buttons on a remote control, which makes the Black Laser aim at Gunhaver. Then Gunhaver runs around while dodging the black blasts from the Black Laser. Then one shot sends Gunhaver into a wall. Then Black Laser comes to him with his mechanical hand in an attack position.}
Black Laser: You know, my mechanical hand does wonders.
{Then Black Laser's hand turns into a claw. Then he prepares to slash Gunhaver when Foxface whacks Black Laser in the head with her bulletproof handbag, knocking him unconscious.}
Gunhaver: Foxface! Way to go! Wait, how did you get out of your binding?
Foxface: Oh, those guys helped me.
{She points to Frostbite, Blast Maverick, and Power Punch.}
Gunhaver: Whoa! Thanks! You should be part of the Cheat Commandos!
Blast Maverick: Nah, we're going solo, or trio.
Power Punch: We'll be the Cheat Rangers!
Frostbite: That's a lame name.
Blast Maverick: Ah, screw it.
Power Punch: Go, go Cheat Rangers!
Blast Maverick: I also object to that name!
{Then the three Cheats leave.}
Gunhaver: Well, I guess this is the end. Let's go.
Blue Laser: {off-screen} NOT SO FAST!
{Then we cut to Blue Laser, holding a remote control and aiming the Black Laser at Gunhaver and Foxface.}
Blue Laser: You never recorded my father's crap! So, I'm going to vaporize you and maybe my dad! So long, suckers!
{Just then, the Black Laser blows up.}
Blue Laser: WHAT THE...
{Then Firebert comes with more dynamite and a TNT detonator. Then the rest of the Cheat Commandos (excluding Reynold), arrive. Flashfight shines his flashlight at Blue Laser, blinding him.}
Blue Laser: AHH! MY EYES!
{Blue Laser falls, unconscious for some reason.}
Gunhaver: Well, we just saved the day!
Flashfight: Yes, wee deed, and it's thanks to Firebert and some others.
Gunhaver: Okay. {pause} So what are you expecting, a corny ending?
{Just then, we cut to the Delta 1001 in the computer room. Then the Paper comes down, saying: Click here to email Gunhaver at: gunhaver@homestarrunner.com. The Delta 1001 says:
Have you ever thought.}
of trying thge part for a Dangeresque
Movie? I'd like to see what'd
you'd look like as a Dangeresque
Character and what your name
would be.
Thanks,
-Mitchell Smith, Australia
a>Well
Easter Eggs
- Click on the Delta 1001 to see a newspaper clipping about Black Laser's disappearance and about Blue Laser going back to his normal life after he regains his sight after a few days.
Fun Facts
- The Insiders is a parody of the book by S.E. Hinton, The Outsiders.
- Mr. Arthur Fight has nothing to do with The Outsiders.
- Gunhaver broke the fourth wall when talking about the Cheat Commandos' absence.
- Black Laser's "SHUT UP! GEEZ!" is from the Bonus Stage episode Evil's New Groove, and the quote is said by Evil (again).
- Mt. Slowmore is parodying Mt. Rushmore.
- The fight to death is based on A Decemberween Pageant, where one act is about Dr. Christmas and Archibald fighting to death on Mt. Rushmore.
- Black Laser and Gunhaver made references to Cheat Commandos to the Max, which is a fanfiction I'm working on (I'm currently on a large writer's block).
- Foxface's bulletproof handbag is from Shopping for Danger.
- The Cheat Rangers is parodying the Power Rangers.
- The reason why Pineface, Gyro, Steve, and future fake Cheat Commando characters in the Cheat Commandos Characters section are not in this email/movie is because they were made in the Fake Characters section after I made the email (yes, I made the email without the actual email. I couldn't really resist waiting to write this email if I barely get emails for Gunhaver).
See Also
- Frostbite picture:
- Black Laser picture:
- Blast Maverick picture:
- Power Punch picture:
