Other Character Email Tampo/captured

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Tampo Email #35: "captured"

Summary: Tampo, Brody and Stlunko go some place to meet their clones, but find someone different instead.

Cast (in order of appearance): Tampo, Brody, Stlunko, Gunhaver, Killer Red, Killer Blue, Killer Green, Stinkoman (Easter Egg), A Cow (Easter Egg)

Places: Private Chamber, A Field, Robotic Forest, A Cave (Outside), Stinkoman's House (Easter Egg)

Length: 207 Lines

Date: November 13, 2005

Transcript

{Cut to the boss trio in their private chamber. They are all at the SaargtScreen.}

BRODY: Fine, we'll do one before he wakes up.

TAMPO: Alright. {email rap} Saargtsson's asleep and I got time, to do an awesome email... rhyme!

{Stlunko types in "RUN tampo_email.exe" and an email pops up, which Tampo reads.}

CSS:\>openmail: Clones

Dear Tampo, Brody, and Stlunko,
My name is Gamma Stan. Why won't you go to the forest by Challenge City (or the forest where the entrance to the Lava Zone is) to visit your "clones" Opmat, Ydorb, and Oknults? That'd be cool! If you come, I'll give you a prize.

Promising you that this is not a trap to kill you,
Not Ultramarine Laser nor Carteen Sraven,

Gamma Stan

TAMPO: Opmat, Ydorb and Oknults? Never heard of them. Sounds interesting, though. Let's go check out that landing zone!

BRODY: But Saargtsson never gave us permission to leave.

TAMPO: He never said we couldn't leave.

BRODY: That's true.

STLUNKO: I do not mind checking it out. Just let us be quick. I would rather have Saargtsson sleep through whatever adventure we find.

BRODY: Um... who's Ultramarine Laser, Carteen S...raven and Gamma Stan?

STLUNKO: I do not know.

TAMPO: I guess we'll have to find out, huh? Let's go.

{Tampo leaves the area, and the other two follow. Cut to a green field with the city far in a background. Far to the right is a forest, and there are a few robotic trees scattered around in the field. There's a sign that reads "Clone Drop-off Point."}

TAMPO: {offscreen} Look, over there! That must be the place.

{The boss trio enter the scene from the left and stop near the rather large sign.}

STLUNKO: It is a good thing the Master paid for our pardon, or else we could be in trouble out here.

BRODY: So here's the spot... do we just wait?

TAMPO: I guess.

{Suddenly a floating, multicolored, miniature "black hole" appears in midair near the trio. Gunhaver drops out and the portal disappears. Gunhaver gets up and looks around at the robotic forest. He hasn't noticed the boss trio yet.}

GUNHAVER: Okay... I have no idea where I am.

BRODY: That doesn't look like a clone.

{Gunhaver looks surprised and turns around and faces the boss trio in fear and awe, as they are huge in comparison.}

GUNHAVER: {nervous} Uh... who are you?

TAMPO: Tell us who you are first.

GUNHAVER: Well, I'm the leader of my Cheat Commando squad. Did you guys bring me here?

BRODY: {squints from up high} You look like a bug.

GUNHAVER: I'm not a bug!

STLUNKO: We did not bring you here. Are you here to attack us?

GUNHAVER: What? No! Of course not.

TAMPO: Eh, I don't think you could hurt us anyway.

BRODY: You are a weird looking bug. Like a yellow, spotted slug. With arms and clothes.

GUNHAVER: {looks up at Brody} Can you be quiet, Big Bird? {faces Tampo and Stlunko again} Hey, do you guys know where I am? I'd like to get home.

STLUNKO: You are in the outskirts of Challenge City of Planet K. It is currently the year 20X6 of the J05H-ooa universe.

TAMPO: Doesn't get much more exact than that.

GUNHAVER: Oh. Great. Got any transdimensional transports or something?

BRODY: Nope. Not nearby. And I think they're expensive anyway.

GUNHAVER: That stinks. {pause} Did you hear that?

TAMPO: Hear what?

KILLER RED: {offscreen} I'm Killer Red!

{A large blast of fire flies from offscreen and barely misses Tampo, who quickly moves away. A The Cheat with red robotic body armor jumps out from where the blast came from and fires another blast from his hand, once again barely missing Tampo.}

TAMPO: {scared} Eep!

KILLER BLUE: {offscreen} I'm Killer Blue!

{Right after this happens, a nearby tree in the background freezes into light blue ice. It shatters into ice sharts that go flying at Brody and Gunhaver who jump out of the way just in time. Killer Blue, a blue version of Killer Red, is standing where the tree used to be.}

BRODY: {scared} Aah!

{A blast of green leaves blows into the background, and when it passes, Killer Green is standing there.}

KILLER GREEN: And I'm Killer Green!

{He lifts his arms as a chunk of earth is ripped from the ground and is sent flying into the air. Then Killer Green shoots wind at the chunk of earth, ripping it into tiny shreds which fly at Stlunko and hit him against the visor.}

STLUNKO: {monotone} Oop.

{Tampo, Brody, and Gunhaver look at Stlunko weirdly.}

STLUNKO: What?

{Cut to Killer Red, Blue and Green in front of a white background with the text "ASDF" in red, blue and green jagged text.}

ALL THREE: AND WE ARE THE ACTION SQUAD DESTRUCTION FORCE!!!

{Cut back to the field. Tampo, Brody, Stlunko and Gunhaver are facing the ASDF.}

KILLER RED: ...and you three just fell into our trap.

KILLER GREEN: And how nice of you to stop by, Gunhaver. Now we'll get to eliminate you along with them!

{Killer Red, Blue and Green fire blasts of fire, ice and wind at the boss trio and Gunhaver.}

BRODY: Run!!

{Brody starts running into the forest as a blast of wind hits Tampo and sends him flying offscreen in that direction. Killer Red and Blue follow them, shooting out fire and ice beams from their hands. Killer Green stays behind and starts blasting Stlunko with wind.}

STLUNKO: {ignoring Killer Green} I suppose I should follow them.

GUNHAVER: {climbing up Stlunko's back} Don't... ugh... forget me.

{Killer Green blows some dirt and grass at Stlunko to no avail.}

KILLER GREEN: This isn't fair!

{Stlunko turns around and zooms into the woods after the other four, Gunhaver riding on him. He moves fast, but running over and crushing robotic trees slows him down a bit. Killer Green lifts some dirt up from underneath him by wind and starts riding it, following Stlunko and Gunhaver. He sends blasts of wind at Stlunko along the way.}

{Cut to a quickly moving scene in the forest. Brody is running pass, dodging trees left and right. The forest is quite tall at this point, and his head is below the canopy. As he advances pass the screen, Killer Blue is visible following him, riding a stream of ice. As he goes, he freezes smaller trees and sends ice shards flying at Brody, who barely dodges them.}

{In the background during this scene, you can see that Tampo has caught up to Brody and is quickly dodging blasts of flame while moving. When Killer Red comes into view, you can see he is pointing one hand backwards, releasing a stream of fire behind him and shooting him forward like a rocket. He is using his free hand to shoot fire blasts at the dodging Tampo.}

{After they pass, we see Stlunko moving through the forest, knocking down the robotic trees, which slows him down a little bit. Gunhaver is riding on him and holding on to his antenna so as not to fall off. Killer Green is still in following them on the wind-carried ground, shooting out wind blasts at Stlunko to no avail.}

STLUNKO: Wait a second. {suddenly stops moving}

KILLER GREEN: What the-? Ahhhh!!!

{Killer Green smashes into Stlunko's back and gets knocked unconscious, falling upon the forest floor.}

STLUNKO: We are about to run out of the jammer's range.

GUNHAVER: We got him! C'mon big robot, let's go get those other two ASDF guys.

STLUNKO: {ignoring Gunhaver, yelling} Tampo! Brody! Stop! You are about to...

{The camera makes a very speedy pan forward back to Tampo and Brody running from Killer Red and Blue. Suddenly everything freezes for a moment, and then Tampo and Brody crash to the ground, cringing in pain. Killer Red and Blue stop attacking and go up to them.}

KILLER RED: Just as Master Ultramarine Laser said... unable to leave the area.

KILLER BLUE: Where's Killer Green?

KILLER RED: We can't wait for him right now. Let's lock these two up in our secret underground lair. We'll catch up with Green and get their robot friend and that Gunhaver character later.

{Killer Red creates a large firey dome around the four. Suddenly ice starts forming in parts and the fire hardens into rock. Then it crumbles into a large pile, and the four are gone. Stlunko rolls up with Gunhaver on him. Stlunko is careful to not go too far.}

STLUNKO: I was too late.

GUNHAVER: Hey, that green guy back there got knocked out. Maybe we should, you know, capture him as a hostage...

STLUNKO: Yes, that would be a good idea.

{Stlunko turns around and starts to head back to where they left Killer Green.}

STLUNKO: For future reference, my name is Stlunko.

GUNHAVER: Oh. Stuh-lunko... Mine's Gunhaver.

{They leave the scene. Fade to black.}

{Cut to a field away from the forest. Stlunko and Gunhaver are standing over the body of Killer Green, who finally starts coming to. Stlunko grabs him with his large fist.}

KILLER GREEN: {disoriented} Where am I? {notices Stlunko} You! {struggling} Let... me... go... or... else! Gah... {stops strugging}

STLUNKO: Or else what?

GUNHAVER: You'll blow on him?

KILLER GREEN: {breaks an arm free} I'm not scared of you!

{He points his arm at Gunhaver and quickly sends a blast of air at Gunhaver, causing him to get blown away.}

STLUNKO: I cannot have you behaving like that. You are currently my captive, and I need your help.

KILLER GREEN: Why should I help you?! {points at Stlunko, sending a blast of air at him, but not effecting him} Ugh... you just wait until I get my upgrades! Then you'll be sorry!

STLUNKO: Upgrades? You are using some sort of mechanism?

KILLER GREEN: Huh?

{Gunhaver reenters the scene.}

GUNHAVER: Alright Stlunko, let's get back to business so you can rescue your friends and then get me back home.

STLUNKO: Okay. {starts sqeezing Killer Green} You will show us where your two friends took Tampo and Brody.

KILLER GREEN: {pained} Okay! Okay! They're- they're- that way. Underground. In our... old hideout... {points}

STLUNKO: Good. {stops squeezing as hard} Let us go, Gunhaver.

{They leave in the direction Killer Green pointed. Pan to a large rock with tall grass and a few robotic trees in front of it. Stlunko walks up holding Killer Green. Gunhaver follows close behind.}

KILLER GREEN: Here's the entrance. Can I go now?

STLUNKO: No.

{Stlunko uses his free hand to push the grass and trees out of the way, uprooting them. This reveals a passage in the rock. It looks big enough for Tampo to fit in, but not Stlunko.}

STLUNKO: Okay, allow me to take a brief sonar scan. {emits a few quiet sound pulses} Killer Red and Killer Blue are in there, and Tampo and Brody. They appear to be conscious, but trapped in a forcefield. Gunhaver, you have a gun, right?

GUNHAVER: Uh... yep.

STLUNKO: Good. I located a small ventilation shaft nearby. {points} Head that way and climb down it. There is a forcefield generator inside the cave. You need to shoot it. I will get Killer Red and Killer Blue out of the cave.

GUNHAVER: If it'll help me get the heck out of here, sure. {leaves the scene}

STLUNKO: {calls} Do not forget to use something like your jacket to silence the bullet.

KILLER GREEN: Ahem, I heard your entire plan.

STLUNKO: I know. And you will not tell your friends. Remember, I have to power to kill you at will.

KILLER GREEN: You wouldn't.

STLUNKO: Failure to obey my orders will result in me constricting your airway and making you very uncomfortable. Now get your partners out of that cave.

KILLER GREEN: {calling into cave} Killer Red! Killer Blue! I got the last one right out here! I'd like backup!

STLUNKO: Good enough. {rolls to the side of the entrance}

{After a few seconds and some scuffling noises from inside the cave, Killer Red and Blue run out and are quickly hit aside by Stlunko's hand.}

KILLER BLUE: Ugh!

{As Killer Blue collaspes onto the ground, Killer Red fires a flame blast at Stlunko while flying back. Stlunko puts his free hand in the way and the fire reflects off the stone without doing much damage.}

KILLER RED: Ugh, he has fireproof hands!

KILLER BLUE: {recovered} He's captured Killer Green! {points}

KILLER GREEN: A little help?

{Killer Blue recovers and fires an ice blast at Stlunko, who quickly moves to the side. It hits and freezes the lower right corner of Stlunko, freezing some of his long wheel and rendering him immobile.}

STLUNKO: No! I cannot move.

{Killer Blue looks at Killer Red and nods. He fires an ice blast at Stlunko's visor, and he puts his free hand in the way to block it. The hand freezes to square and drops on the ground. Soon after, Killer Red fires a fire blast in the same spot. Stlunko puts his other fist in the way and drops Killer Green.}

KILLER GREEN: Finally! I'm free!

{The fire reflects off and Killer Green quickly goes to the other two.}

KILLER GREEN: Guys, we have to get back inside the cave, quick! Gunhaver's inside and he's—

{Suddenly a gunshot is heard loud and clear from inside the cave.}

KILLER GREEN: No!

KILLER RED: We've got to stop him! C'mon!

{Killer Blue quickly fires another ice blast at Stlunko's remaining hand and freezes it to square as well. Then the three rush past the stuck giant robot and into the cave. Grunts and other noises are heard from inside the cave for a while until finally Tampo pops out.}

TAMPO: Whew, I'm glad to be out of there.

{Brody climbs out of the cave, barely making it due to his size.}

BRODY: That was uncomfortable. Stlunko, you okay?

STLUNKO: I am frozen in place.

{Suddenly the ASDF pops out of the cave.}

KILLER RED: It is time for us to complete our mission!

KILLER BLUE: The robot seems to be taken care of. Let's get these other two!

{The ASDF start blast Tampo and Brody with ice, fire and wind, who dodge and try to attack the small ASDF members. Neither are making much progress in the way of offense, and Stlunko is stuck just watching battle. The camera focuses on Stlunko and we can here is echo-y thoughts.}

STLUNKO: {thinking} They do seem to be using cybernetic implants connected directly to their nervous system to give them these element abilities. But they seem to have almost no security feature so that it can easily pass signals from curcuit to nerve. A simple radio connection should be able to hack their systems and shut them down. I think I'll tr— Oops. I better be careful with that. I think I will try that.

{Killer Green is about to fire a wind blast at Tampo when suddenly all three ASDF members freeze in place. A powerdown sound is heard and ASDF fall down unconscious. Tampo and Brody look confused. Then the ice finally shatters off of Stlunko's hands and side.}

STLUNKO: I powered down their equipment and apparently their minds as well. They should reawaken in a few hours.

TAMPO: Cool. What should we do with them right now?

STLUNKO: We should probably throw them back into the cave and see what happened to Gun... wait. I sense transdimensial oddities approaching.

BRODY: What?

{Suddenly three floating, multicolored, small "black holes" appear on Tampo, Brody and Stlunko. They get sucked up inside them and disappear. The portals close. After a few seconds, we cut to the SaargtScreen.}

A:/> Click here to email Tampo.

Easter Eggs

Click on "click" to see an addition scene with Stinkoman.

{Stinkoman is in his kitchen, at the fridge. He opens the fridge door and pulls out a box of Bread & Sugar.}

STINKOMAN: {calling} Hey, 1-Up, you need to go grocery shopping again! All we have here is stupid Bread & SUUUGGGGGAAAARRRRR!!!!

{He slams the box down and it smashes through the floor.}

STINKOMAN: {pause} I want some food.

COW: {offscreen} Moooooo!

STINKOMAN: Whoo-wah?!

{Stinkoman turns around and the scene pans out to show the whole room, and a cow is sticking its head out of window, which no longer has glass.}

STINKOMAN: Wah! That physics-breaking cow is asking for a CHALLENGE!!! PUNCHING-DEUCE!!!!

{Stinkoman jumps at the cow with what seems to be a Single Deuce and hits it. The cow is knocked offscreen, and Stinkoman continues moving until he falls entirely out of the window.}

STINKOMAN: {offscreen} WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!! {boing} Thank goodness for that conveniently placed trampoline. {laughs}

Fun Facts

This email is a crossover with Other Character Email Gunhaver. It takes place within the events of Act II in Gunhaver Email #75: "Paradox."
Joshua, the author of Tampo Emails, and Shim-Sham-Sam, the author of Gunhaver Emails, planned and designed this email together. But Joshua did the almost all of the actual writing.
The Gunhaver Email version explains Gunhaver and the ASDF's appearances and follows Gunhaver instead of Stlunko when they split up.
Opmat, Ydorb, and Oknults are Tampo, Brody and Stlunko spelled backwards.
Ultramarine Laser and Carteen Sraven are villains from future time periods in Gunhaver Emails.
The boss trio no longer has to look out for the long arm of the law.
Brody's comment on Gunhaver looking like a slug refers to Joshua's unused idea for Gunhaver Email #38: "Anything," which was for Blue Laser to turn the Cheat Commandos into slugs.
Big Bird is an appropiately-named star character of the children's show Sesame Street.
Bread & Suger, Punching Cows and Conveniently Placed Trampolines are all Gunhaver Email running gags.

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