Other Character Email Gunhaver/Paradox/Prologue
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
Summary
The prologue before the actual events of GEmail #75: Paradox.
Cast (in order of appearance): Blue Laser Minions, Gunhaver, Foxface, Ticket Cheat, Movie Theater Employee Puppet, Stinkoman, Tampo, Brody, Stlunko, Saargtsson, 1-Up, Nebulon/NEB-1, Liekand, An Ice Machine, Ekersby, and Harvax XVII, Shadowy Figure, The Homestar Runner, Pan Pan, Postlethwaite, Stinkooman, Marzichan, the Emperor's Kolkayrus, Challenge City's citizens, Fullbide, Police Chorches, New Shadowy Figure, Jaro,
Lines: 130
Transcript
{Cut to a black screen. Then we cut to puppets of two Blue Laser minions in front of a Blue Laser HQ set. The puppets are held by two Blue Laser minions.}
BL MINION PUPPET #1: So, what should we do on our free time given to us every two months?
BL MINION PUPPET #2: Let's go to the movies.
{Long pause}
BL MINION PUPPET #1: Okay.
{Cut to a set of a street in the night. A blue "car" is being moved slowly across the screen.}
BL MINION PUPPET #2: {from inside "car"} Check out my new pimped out car!
{Suddenly, another "car" (a much larger one in commando colors) runs over the blue car and "drives" away.}
BL MINION PUPPET #1: {from inside "car"} Ow! My scar is on fire!
{Then "fire" (a cardboard cut-out) appears over the broken "car". Suddenly, there's a record scratch.}
GUNHAVER: {off-screen} Cut! Cut! CUT! One of you stupid Blue Laser cronies...
{While Gunhaver says this, the "fire" walks away from the screen.}
BLUE LASER MINION #1: {off-screen} Yep, that's me... man.
GUNHAVER: {off-screen} Shut up, you! Your line is NOT "My scar is on fire!" It's "My car is on fire!
BLUE LASER MINION #2: {off-screen} Yeah, well... we don't speak English that good!
GUNHAVER: {off-screen} Whatever! Just say the freaking line correctly! And who told you to leave, fire?
{"Fire" comes back on top of the broken "car".}
BL MINION PUPPET #1: {from inside "car"} Ow, my car is on fire!
{Cut to a parking lot set. A battered cardboard cut-out of the blue car moves slowly to an "empty space" in the parking lot (made up of toy cars and motorcycles and animals).}
BL MINION PUPPET #1: {from inside "car"} Well, it was a very painful trip, but thankfully, we can park in the parking lot safely.
BL MINION PUPPET #2: {from inside "car"} Thank Corn...
{Suddenly, Gunhaver quickly moves the commando-colored car into the cardboard cut-out car, sending it flying away from the set and the table.}
BL MINION PUPPET #2: {off-screen} ...breeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaad!
GUNHAVER: {off-screen} Man! They're so easy and stupid!
{Cut to a movie theater lobby set. There is a Gunhaver puppet, a Foxface puppet, and aTicket Cheat puppet. One of the Blue Laser puppets slowly "walks" onto the set.}
GUNHAVER PUPPET: Hey. We'd like to see the movie "GEmail #75: Paradox".
{A sign appears above the set, saying "SOLD OUT!"}
TICKET CHEAT PUPPET: I'm sorry, but the tickets are sold out... {zoom into the puppet} FOR TWELVE YEARS!!!
{Cut back to the previous shot.}
FOXFACE PUPPET: But we used Danfango!
{A sign appears above the set, saying "CONGRATULATIONS!" The Ticket Cheat puppet gives the Gunhaver puppet and the Foxface puppet tickets.}
TICKET CHEAT PUPPET: Enjoy the movie.
{The Gunhaver and Foxface puppet leave.}
BL MINION PUPPET #1: I have an idea.
{The puppet "walks" up to the Ticket Cheat puppet.}
BL MINION PUPPET #1: I'm here to see a Mr. Danfango.
{A sign appears above the set, saying "NICE TRY!"}
BL MINION PUPPET #1: Um... I'm here to buy some Danfango stocks.
{A sign appears above the set, saying "THAT IS THE DUMBEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD, AND I AM A MACHINE (PROBABLY)!"}
BL MINION PUPPET #1: Oh come on! I thought the unfortunate was supposed to win, sir! Ma'am! Whatever you are!
{Cut to a white screen with the Danfango logo (the word "DANFANGO" in front of a transparent greenish blue ticket).}
ANNOUNCER: Danfango, the greatest way for you to get your money ripped-off, I mean {coughs} the greatest way for you to get tickets for movies without leaving the computer screen while you get to humiliate the unfortunate.
{The last words said by the Announcer appear below the logo.}
SECOND ANNOUNCER: {nasal voice} Sponsored by Bread & Sugar.
{Cut to a set in the movie theater with the BL Minion Puppet #1 and a puppet of a movie theater employee.}
BL MINION PUPPET #1: The Danfango is out to get us! {monotone} Roaaaaaaar.
{Cut to a black screen before we cut to the following.}
THE FOLLOWING PREVIEW HAS BEEN APPROVED FOR
EVERYBODY! EVERYBODY WHO IS NOT A TROLL! (IN OTHER WORDS, RATED EET)
BY THE BEST GUY EVER OF THE HOMESTAR RUNNER FANSTUFF WIKI
{Cut to a futuristic city.}
ANNOUNCER: It has been two years since the legendary events of Stinkoman 20X6, when Stinkoman challenged left and right, leaving no challenges behind. Also, 1-Up was stupid.
{Cut to frozen shots of the following: Stinkoman shooting a fireball at Tampo, Stinkoman hanging onto Brody's leg while aiming his "Double Deuce Buster" at Brody's head, Stinkoman kicking Stlunko's antennae, Stinkoman punching Saargtsson in the face with his giant fist, 1-Up facing NEB-1/Nebulon (NOTE: The image is in greyscale with the words "NOT IMPORTANT" streaked across the shot), Stinkoman grabbing Liekand's sunglasses, Stinkoman jumping off of an ice block and shooting a fireball at An Ice Machine's eyes, Stinkoman eating ham in front of a pile of junk that used to be Ekersby, a ship blasting lasers at Harvax XVII (who is shooting bullets), Stinkoman standing in front of the Shadowy Figure (still silhouetted), and other shots of Stinkoman challenging enemies and people (i.e. The Homestar Runner).}
ANNOUNCER: That was a fun year.
{Cut to a shot of Stinkoman laughing as Pan Pan jumps and lands on 1-Up.}
ANNOUNCER: But that's only a fraction of the action in 20X8!
{Cut to the futuristic city (Challenge City), which is larger, more advanced, but darker, as there are constant thunderstorms.}
ANNOUNCER: Planet K is under war.
{Cut to black ships and robots firing lasers at the buildings, causing destruction, ruin, and chaos. Meanwhile, white and silver ships along with robots fly to the black ships and start shooting green lasers at them.}
ANNOUNCER: There's only one man who can stop this.
{Cut to Stinkoman and 1-Up, who is a teenager, so he's more mature.}
STINKOMAN: Us?
1-UP: No. I doubt it.
{Cut to a very old Strong Bad (with actual grey hair) in a white coat, standing in front of a metal slab. A Postlethwaite strikes lightning at the slab. Brief horror music begins to play.}
STRONG BAD: {dramatically} IT'S ALIVE!!!!!!!
{Cut to another Stinkoman with black, spiky "Double Deuce Busters" and mask/head, red eyes, long green hair, and a cape with a picture of a skull on it.}
STRONG BAD: {off-screen} Meet your new brother, Stinkooman.
{Cut to Stinkoman.}
STINKOMAN: That's a dumb name! And this concept is SOOOOOOOOOOO unoriginal!
1-UP: {off-screen} Stinkoman! I'm going to have pizza without you, since you're taking so freaking long!
ANNOUNCER: Then things start to go wrong.
{Cut to 1-Up's ripped-up bedroom with a note. Marzichan reads it.}
MARZICHAN: {gasps} 1-Up's kidnapped, by STINKOMAN!!!
{Cut to the various streets of Challenge City, where the Emperor's Kolkayrus are flying around the city.}
EMPEROR'S KOLKAYRUS: {highest volume} ATTENTION EVERYBODY OF CHALLENGE CITY! THE EMPEROR OF CHALLENGE CITY HAS BEEN MURDERED BY STINKOMAN! I REPEAT! STINKOMAN HAS KILLED THE EMPEROR OF CHALLENGE CITY!!!
{Cut to a mob of Challenge City's citizens chasing after Stinkoman with pitchforks, blasters, and other painful weapons. Cut to Stinkoman hanging onto a speeding Fullbide being chased by a hourde of police Chorches (Chorches with police caps).}
STINKOMAN: AHHHH!! You just went over the speed limit!
FULLBIDE: Shut up and hang on as I go faster before I activate my "Touch of Death".
{Cut to a black castle that's right next to the Shadowy Figure's ruined castle. Cut to a new shadowy figure in the shadows.}
NSF: Good. Stinkoman is now an exile in his society. Now there's nothing that can protect him. Once Stinkoman is dead, the power supply of Project Xavius will deplete, sending the world into doom and chaos. Just what I want.
JARO: But what about his new brother, Stinkooman?
NSF: Shut up! He doesn't matter anyway! Stinkooman can't destroy anything when he dies! Anyway, execute Plan X!
{Dramatic music plays as all of the remaining citizens of Challenge City are blasted by a laser. When the smoke clears, it's revealed that they have been turned into robots. Electric guitar music plays as we see various shots of Stinkoman being chased by far more advanced ships and robots, Stinkoman having a very hard time fighting a Jaro, other scenes, and Stinkoman eating pudding.}
ANNOUNCER: This ambiguous season, Stinkoman is in the challenge of his life. Big time. Also, 1-Up's pretty cool. Anyway...
{Cut to a black screen with the Stinkoman 20X8 logo. Stinkoman, Stinkooman, 1-Up, and Pan Pan's heads appear around the logo.}
ANNOUNCER: If you miss this movie, then your mom needs to go to the doctor! {quickly} Rated EET for Everybody, Everybody who is not a Troll.
{Cut to the following.}
STINKOMAN 20X8
THE MOVIE
AN AMBIGUOUS HOMESTAR RUNNER FANSTUFF – STINKOMAN 20X8: THE MOVIE
STARRING STINKOMAN 1-UP PAN PAN
MARZICHAN STINKOOMAN STRONG BAD AN IMPORTANT FULLBIDE PIZZA and THAT NEW VILLAIN
VOICES SUPPOSEDLY BY MISSY PALMER AND MATT CHAPMAN
WRITTEN, ANIMATED, AND PRODUCED BY
SOMEBODY WHO HAS THE HEART TO MAKE THIS MOVIE, BECAUSE I DON'T
Sponsored by the Conveniently Placed Trampolines Company
Fun Facts
- The purpose of the prologue is to a gag that this email special is like a movie.
- Another purpose of this prologue was to throw people off so they won't suspect a Gunhaver-Tampo Email crossover.
- The Danfango ad is a parody of three Fandango ads (one of which is a puppet ad)
- Fandango is a company that sells movie tickets on the phone or online
- Danfango is also a reference to Dan.
- This is another instance of Bread and Sugar.
- The movie trailer's a reference to the movie trailers you would watch in a movie theater.
- The preview screen is based off of the one from In Search of the Yello Dello Theatrical Trailer, as well as the theatrical credits.
- The frozen shots of Stinkoman/1-Up facing enemies are references to all boss battles in Stinkoman 20X6.
- Stinkoman fighting The Homestar Runner is based on 20X6 vs. 1936.
- Stinkoman's "hands" being called Double Deuce Busters is from stinkoman.
- The sequence where lightning strikes Stinkooman on a metal slab references to Frankenstein.
- Stinkoman talking about the idea of Stinkoman copies being unoriginal refers to Stinkoman copies already made in other fanstuffs, like Cutlass or Dark Stinkoman.
- The name of the city (Challenge City) and the emperor are references to revolution.
- Touch of death is a nickname given to the concept of video game enemies (even the minor enemies) can hurt the hero by simply touching the hero.
- This is another instance of Conveniently Placed Trampolines.
