Other Character Email Gunhaver/Contestro 2
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Contents |
Summary
C'mon... Gunhaver can't be star in all emails! And Contestro can't keep his hate on the Cheat Commandos forever!
Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Ultramarine Underling, Blast Maverick, Frostbite, Power Punch, Gyro, Reynold, Contestro Sevornkey, Silent Rip, Fightgar, Reinforcements, Mr. Boing, Flashfight, Blue Laser, Carl, Lenny, Moe, and Barney, Alpha Stan, Arrowhaver (Easter egg), Tomahaver (Easter egg), Iron Prizefighter (Easter egg)
Lines: 229
Transcript
{Cut to Ultramarine Laser's castle. Lightning strikes as dramatic music plays. Just then, the music stops to a halt.}
TECHNICIAN: {off-screen} Oh crap. The boombox is screwed up again!
{Cut to Gunhaver, who wakes up in a jail cell, which looks like a pink, electric pillar, much like the ones that the captured Chabarg Commandos are in.}
GUNHAVER: {distorted} What? Where the crap am I?
{An Ultramarine Underling walks onscreen.}
ULTRAMARINE UNDERLING: You're in jail, scum. Or as you ancient kind say, the joint.
GUNHAVER: {distorted} Do you like calling me and the Chabarg Commandos scum?
ULTRAMARINE UNDERLING: That's classified information. Anyway, you will be properly starved and confined in here until further notice. And master Ultramarine Laser declared that you are to be executed at the same time as the Chabarg Commandos, and that will be when you are at the peak of misery. Have fun being tortured.
{The Ultramarine Underling leaves the room.}
GUNHAVER: {distorted} Yeah? Well, you'll lose! You'll always lose! The good guys always win!
ULTRAMARINE UNDERLING: {off-screen} This is real life, scum!
GUNHAVER: {distorted} Well, I guess I should learn how to have fun being tortured.
{Cut to the Cheat Commandos HQ in the present. Cut to The Screen, where Blast Maverick is furiously typing on the keyboard (despite the fact that there are only flashing and colored buttons that do not make a keyboard). Frostbite and Power Punch walk up to Blast Maverick.}
FROSTBITE: What are you doing?
BLAST MAVERICK: I'm hacking into The Screen's mainframe, its hard drive, and other technical stuff that give this supercomputer the...
POWER PUNCH: Is this explanation going to be complicated? Because I don't want it to be.
BLAST MAVERICK: Fine. What I'm saying is that I'm just hacking to make The Screen look better.
FROSTBITE: Well, that's kind of stupid for hacking means.
{Gyro walks onscreen.}
GYRO: Why do you need to hack to make the computer look better? You can just type this.
{Gyro presses a red button to make the following pop up.}
ALL HACKING IS NOW USELESS! THE SCREEN NOW LOOKS BETTER DUE TO THAT RED BUTTON PRESSED ONE OR TWO SECOND(S) AGO!
GYRO: There you go. All of your attempts in hacking are for nothing.
BLAST MAVERICK: I know, but I was trying to hack into Gunhaver's email address so I can answer one of his emails for no reason at all.
GYRO: Well, the process is really easy. Watch.
{Gyro presses a button to bring up the following menu.}
Cheat Commando Email:
Gunhaver: 13
Flashfight: None
Fightgar: None
Silent Rip: None
Firebert: Needs better name
Crackotage: I don't think so
Reynold: Who needs him?
Reinforcements: None
Foxface: Never checks, never will
Ripberger: Japanese doesn't work here
And the rest of the Cheat Commandos who are new but were not listed because of the whole fact that The Screen was never updated for a long time. Either that, or I'm just lazy.
BLAST MAVERICK: Jeez. Thanks for making hacking useless!
GYRO: No problem! Just click on Gunhaver.
{Blast Maverick uses the mouse (not visible) and clicks on "Gunhaver: 11". Then the following email is brought up. Frostbite reads the first sentence..}
BLAST MAVERICK: Hey! I can read!
POWER PUNCH: And I can't!
FROSTBITE: I thought you read comic books!
POWER PUNCH: Yeah! They were picture books!
{Frostbite looks at Power Punch weirdly. Meanwhile, Blast Maverick reads the rest of the email.}
Subject: WHAT IS HIS DEAL?!What is Contestro's deal with you Cheat Commandos?
-Markie
And how come you don't really advertise anymore?
{Blast Maverick goes to the "keyboard" and starts typing.}
BLAST MAVERICK: {typing} Well Markie, why won't you just let your ruddy curiosity rest for... like... 9 ages, or, eternages...
FROSTBITE: Eternages??? Is that another word improvised in less than five seconds?
BLAST MAVERICK: Yes. {typing} Anyway, who is this Contestro guy? I only remember this Carteen dude, and man, he's uncool. Maybe they're brothers. As for advertising...
FROSTBITE: Who cares about advertising? They never advertise us! It's just the same, dang old 10 commandos who appear in all of those stupid Cheat Commandos cartoon!
{Reynold walks onscreen.}
REYNOLD: Would you mind if you stop saying all those bad words? It's interrupting my brain's functioning system, which is complicated to explain, but...
BLAST MAVERICK: Power Punch, sick him!
{Power Punch punches Reynolds in the gut before throwing him off-screen.}
BLAST MAVERICK: Anyway, that email sucked. Let's delete this one and do another one.
{The Screen suddenly deletes the email.}
DELETED!!!
{Then the following email appears on The Screen. Blast Maverick reads it. Frostbite goes to the keyboard.}
Subject: subject: Contestro?!?Did Contestro used to be in the Cheat
-Conte--err I mean um...Jim
Commandos? You said he was, and...
BLAST MAVERICK: Hey! I do the typing, since I got a 99% accuracy and 80 WPM on my last typing test!
FROSTBITE: And when was that last typing test?
BLAST MAVERICK: 14 years ago. But still...
{Power Punch shoves Frostbite out of the way and goes to the keyboard.}
POWER PUNCH: Let me do the typing! {typing poorly} Well Counter Jim, who is Contestro? Some kinda robot?
FROSTBITE: {off-screen} We just talked about him, doofus!
POWER PUNCH: Nah, I think we talked about typing. Anyway, {typing} Well, I never said the Cheat Commandos own a robot. And neither did Frostbite! Blast Maverick might have said...
BLAST MAVERICK: Now I did not! And your typing privileges are up! Get lost!
{Blast Maverick shoves Power Punch out of the way and continues typing after what Power Punch typed.}
BLAST MAVERICK: {typing} Anyway, I don't care if the Cheat Commandos ever owned a robot or not. All I know is that now I realize I need to force Flashfight to sign a contract to have Frostbite and I advertised like the rest of the Cheat Commandos. In fact, I'm doing that right now!
{Cut to a disappointed and angry Blast Maverick, exiting Flashfight's office. A buzzer sound is heard. He walks to Frostbite.}
BLAST MAVERICK: Dang it! He refused, saying that we are a waste of space for the Cheat Commandos!
FROSTBITE: He is right. We don't help the Cheat Commandos on their missions, nor do we provide for them comedy. Well, besides Power Punch, but he's an idiot!
{Power Punch runs onscreen.}
POWER PUNCH: Hey, there's someone at the door. He says he wants to try out for the Cheat Commandos.
FROSTBITE: Well, Gunhaver or Flashfight are in charge of that stuff. And Gunhaver's gone. I guess we'd better alert Flashfight.
BLAST MAVERICK: Screw Flashfight! We'll do it ourselves to make ourselves important! To the room where people try out!
FROSTBITE: Actually, it's "To the front door."
{Cut to the try-out room, where Blast Maverick, Frostbite, and Power Punch are sitting on a table in front of the silhouette of the Cheat who wants to try-out for the Cheat Commandos.}
BLAST MAVERICK: All right You-Who-Wants-To-Try-Out-For-The-Cheat-Commandos-And-Will-Most-Likely-Fail, who are you?
{Cut to the Cheat who wants to try out, Contestro, who is in his new design (red cap, blue clothes, and a smile on his face).}
CONTESTRO: Hello, fellow great Cheat Commandos. My name is Contestro Sevornkey, and I'd like to devote my time helping the Cheat Commados fight the evil Blue Laser and be a good influence to children all around the world.
POWER PUNCH: {off-screen} Dude, children don't like good influences anymore. That's why they hate baby shows and elementary school teachers. Good influences are diaper-biscuits!
{Cut to Blast Maverick, Power Punch, and Frostbite. Frostbite is looking at Power Punch weirdly.}
BLAST MAVERICK: Wait, aren't you the Contestro Sevornkey? The one nicknamed Umdero Sadorksy?
CONTESTRO: {off-screen} Well, yes, but I've learned to just live with hearing that name, since people say it is fun and gives me a special character.
FROSTBITE: Y'know? That's really mature of you! Although I don't know if that's a good thing for trying out.
BLAST MAVERICK: But weren't you that Contestro Sevornkey who teamed up with the Rusty Duck Clan and that Carteen Sraven to defeat the Cheat Commandos?
CONTESTRO: {off-screen} Yes, and I now start regretting doing that.
POWER PUNCH: So, are we done now?
BLAST MAVERICK: Yes. Let's huddle to make the decision.
{Blast Maverick, Power Punch, and Frostbite barely begin huddling for one second when Blast Maverick faces Contestro.}
BLAST MAVERICK: Congratulations. You are now officially a Cheat Commando.
FROSTBITE: But we didn't even decide on the official verdict!
BLAST MAVERICK: {silently} Shut up.
{Cut to a delighted Contestro.}
CONTESTRO: Hooray! I'm in the Cheat Commandos! Isn't that swell?
{Ominous music plays as the scene freezes and we zoom in on Contestro's face.}
CONTESTRO: {voice over} Excellent. Now I'm a Cheat Commando. I've chosen the perfect time to try out, when other and dumber Cheat Commandos sub for Gunhaver and Flashfight, who would have immediately failed me. And now, I can execute my plan very soon. I just need to find the perfect, appropriate time to execute it. Mwahahahaha!
{Cut to a view of the Cheat Commandos HQ's exterior, where music is playing as we hear Contestro's laughter. Cut to Contestro laughing maniacally in a room.}
CONTESTRO: {manically} YES! Now, my plan is done! Those fools won't know what hit them!
SILENT RIP: {off-screen} Excuse me?
{Cut to a wider view of this scene, revealing that they are in the kitchen. Contestro is standing by the oven while Silent Rip is facing him with suspicion.}
SILENT RIP: What were you just saying? Gunhaver did announce a policy that we should hold you under suspicion if he's turned good and joined the Cheat Commandos.
CONTESTRO: Oh, right... well... I was just making...
{Contestro pulls on oven mitts, opens the oven, and takes out a tray of chocolate chip cookies.}
CONTESTRO: ...chocolate chip cookies!
SILENT RIP: Yes! My favorite! {shouting} Hey everyone! Contestro Sevornkey just made us chocolate chip cookies!
{Suddenly, Blast Maverick, Frostbite, Power Punch, Fightgar, and Reinforcements run to Contestro and they (along with Silent Rip) start eating the cookies happily.}
CONTESTRO: Eat up! And there's plenty more of where that came from!
{Cut to a room where Contestro and Mr. Boing are talking to each other.}
CONTESTRO: So bro. How's life these days?
MR. BOING: Oh, you know, making jokes, not going on missions, not being important for a while, and running out of ideas for jokes.
CONTESTRO: Dang... that's pretty harsh. Maybe I should give you some suggestions. Like...
{Just then, the Blue Las-Alert is turned on, flashing red light and blaring a siren.}
CONTESTRO: Oh-em-gee! It's the Blue Las-Alert! We're doomed!
MR. BOING: No we're not! Follow me!
{Cut to The Screen. Flashfight is talking to Silent Rip, Fightgar, Contestro, and Mr. Boing. On the screen are pictures of Blue Laser and his minions standing by some basketballs. For some reason, Flashfight no longer talks in a French accent.}
FLASHFIGHT: Blue Laser has been spotted at a basketball court, playing basketball. Our assumption is that he's playing basketball to get into the UNBL, earn money, and buy Cheat Commando crushing machines!
{The rest of the Cheat Commandos (aside from Contestro) gasp.}
CONTESTRO: Don't worry. We can beat them, right guys?
FLASHFIGHT: Actually, I prefer it if you stay...
CONTESTRO: I'm going, all right?
FLASHFIGHT: You've got spunk. You'd make a great Cheat Commando!
{Cut to the basketball court. Blue Laser, Carl, and Lenny are bouncing basketballs.}
CARL: Uh, I don't think that this plan is fast enough for us to crush the Cheat Commandos, sir.
BLUE LASER: IT IS FAST ENOUGH! IT'S JUST THAT YOU ARE ALL HORRIBLE AT ORANGEBALL!
LENNY: It's basketball sir.
BLUE LASER: SHUT IT!
CONTESTRO: {off-screen} Not so fast, Blue Loser!
BLUE LASER: THAT VOICE SOUNDS FAMILIAR, BUT NOT FAMILIAR WITH GUNHAVER'S!
{Then Contestro, Flashfight, and Silent Rip run towards Blue Laser.}
BLUE LASER: {to Contestro} YOU! THAT AFRO JERK WHO SENT ME TO THE FUTURE SOME TIME AGO!
CONTESTRO: This ends now, Blue Laser!
BLUE LASER: YEAH! THIS'LL BE THE END OF YOU LOSERS! MINIONS, ATTACK!!! UNLEASH SECRET PLAN BBoD!
{Carl, Lenny, Moe, and Barney walk up to Contestro, Silent Rip, and Flashfight with basketballs. Then they start throwing the basketballs at Silent Rip, Flashfight, and Contestro.}
SILENT RIP: AAHHHH!!! NO!!!!! NOT BASKETBALLS!
FLASHFIGHT: Oh no! They are the basketballs of doom! Why did I decide to bring along only two Cheat Commandos???
{Cut to Blue Laser.}
BLUE LASER: {laughing} HAHAHAHA! I AM GOING TO WIN THIS ONE! NOW PREPARE TO CONTINUE BEING PELTED BY MY BASKETBALLS OF DOOM!
CONTESTRO: {off-screen} Not unless I deal with your weapon by using it! {silently} Wow, that was pretty lame.
{Cut to Contestro, who dribbles a basketball down to a basket. He jumps and does a slam dunk to score a hoop. Cut to Blue Laser and his four horrified minions.}
MOE: Oh no! He did the horriying slam dunk of Contestro Sevornkey!
BARNEY: It's the apocalypse!
CARL: Everybody, let's run to the nearest cliff and jump off of it!
{The four minions run away, screaming.}
BLUE LASER: {shouting to them} COME BACK! I STILL NEED TO CRUSH THE CHEAT COMMANDOS! {pause} I'LL DECREASE YOUR SALARIES IF YOU DON'T COME BACK THIS INSTANT!
{Cut to Contestro, who gets out a metallic boomerang.}
CONTESTRO: Too late. No one can save you from the metallic and cold wrath of the Contesterang!
FLASHFIGHT: {off-screen} You should name it the Umderang.
CONTESTRO: Fine, I'll rename it after I throw this boomerang.
{Tense music as Contestro throws the Umderang at a shocked Flashfight. Just before it is about to strike Flashfight in the face, the Umderang suddenly goes the opposite direction at a much faster speed. It flies past Contestro and flies right into Blue Laser's face. Blue Laser falls onto the ground, unconscoius. Carl and Lenny run from the right, carrying a blue stretcher while imitating an ambulence siren. They pick up Blue Laser and put him on the stretcher before carrying him away, making the imitation siren noise. Cut to Flashfight, Contestro, and Silent Rip.}
FLASHFIGHT: {to Contestro} Great job Contestro! You saved the day and you didn't kill me! That's two good things for today! You get the Commando-of-the-Day Award!
CONTESTRO: Yay!
{Then Contestro catches the Umderang. Then Silent Rip and Flashfight walk away.}
CONTESTRO: Ahh... this is great. I've become a Cheat Commando, made peace with my former enemies, got to meet my brother, and defeated Blue Laser all in one day. What else should I do to make this unforgetable day better?
VOICE: {off-screen} Maybe by resuming your duty in life by trying to have revenge on the Cheat Commandos.
{Dramatic music plays as the bearer of the voice, another Contestro Sevornkey, walks onscreen. This Contestro is in his old gray suit and is wearing a red cap over his afro.}
CONTESTRO 2: What the crap are you doing, declaring your allegience with the Cheat Commandos and beating up Blue Laser? Remember that I created you using a cloning machine I stole from Blue Laser!
CONTESTRO CLONE: Yeah, well, it looks like you cloned yourself incorrectly or you just used an extracting machine!
REAL CONTESTRO: You shut up! You'd better do your mission and make this cloning plan worthwhile by defeating the Cheat Commandos!
CONTESTRO CLONE: But Gunhaver's missing. I can't kill him!
CONTESTRO: Then kill Flashfight.
CONTESTRO CLONE: Fine. I will kill Flashfight.
FLASHFIGHT: {off-screen} What did you just say?
CONTESTRO CLONE: I said I'm gonna bake you a cake!
{The Contestro Clone runs off-screen. Cut to the Alpha 1260, which looks slightly dusty. Alpha Stan appears on the screen.}
Cough, cough. Click here to email Gunhaver at GEmail.exe.
Easter Eggs
- Click on Blast Maverick when Frostbite talks about "eternages" to see a list of improvised words on The Screen:
*Orple
- Clorange (there! a word that rhymes with orange!)
- Agublackus
- DIBNEY!
- KONMRU!
- Cooilio!
- Suprieadronosuflus
- Eternages NEW!
{Pan out to reveal the Contestro Clone, Silent Rip, Fightgar, Flashfight, Reinforcements, Blast Maverick, Frostbite, Power Punch, Mr. Boing, Arrowhaver, Tomahaver, and Iron Prizefighter eating Contestro's cake.
Fun Facts
- To learn why Gunhaver is imprisoned in Ultramarine Laser's castle, read this.
- Just so you know, Power Punch did "read" a comic book in Crapbert.
- Reynold's sensitivity to the swear words reference Reynold's personality in Commandos in the Classroom.
- That's where "diaper-biscuits" came from.
- The 99% accuracy and 80 WPM refer to typing test programs in computers.
- WPM means "Words Per Minute"
- Some kinda robot references some kinda robot.
- This is what Power Punch typed:
WElll Counter Jimf, wHo is cTonestojr? Some kidana tobot? Well, I nvere said the
cheat
commandos own a robot, Snd neithert dod
foirstibte1blaskt mavierkc mgith have siad
- The try-out room is from New Recruit.
- The UNBL is a play on the NBA, "National Basketball Association."
- What Blue Laser says when he recognizes Contestro refers to Contestro and the rest of season 5.
- The plot with the Contestro clone will continue onto the next email.
