Other Character Email Gunhaver/Escape
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Summary
Gunhaver email #59: Escape: The Musical.
Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Alpha Stan, Blast Maverick, Frostbite, Power Punch, Carteen Sraven, Contestro Sevornkey, Cheerleader (Easter egg), The Ugly One (Easter egg)
Lines: 95
Transcript
{Cut to Gunhaver in front of the Alpha 1260, watching a cartoon. Suddenly, the cartoon freezes..}
GUNHAVER: Ugh, this sucks. Alpha Stan, delete this piece of crap.
{Then Alpha Stan replaces the cartoon on the screen.}
ALPHA STAN:Piece of crapDELETED!
GUNHAVER: Wait, that's not the deleting sequence, is it?
ALPHA STAN:No, it is not.
GUNHAVER: Phew! That was close. Anyway, onto the email.
Hello Gunhaver. You have one unread email.
GUNHAVER: Uh, the greeting was unnecessary.
{Gunhaver presses a button to make the following email appear on the screen.}
Subject: danceDear Gun to da havor,
You need to make up some sort of
crazy, insanitary dance! Although,
chocolate may help.
Not a guy called Super Sam,
Jayden.
GUNHAVER: {typing} Well Jayden, I would if I were in the safe premises of the Cheat Commandos Headquarters Playset. But right now...
{Pan out to reveal that Gunhaver is still in the Potamian cave.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} I'm not in the best place to dance with chocolate, but the only way we can dance with chocolate here is if this is a musical. {scoffs and laughs} Like that'll ever happen.
{Cut back to the previous view with Gunhaver and Alpha Stan. Music starts playing.}
ALPHA STAN: {singing}You've got to sing it. You've got to dance it. You've got to live the experience!
{Pan out, where Power Punch is standing by Gunhaver.}
POWER PUNCH: {singing} You've got to shake it. You've got to live it. Because this is a musical.
GUNHAVER: {surprised} A musical???
{Then Frostbite and Blast Maverick appear.}
ALPHA STAN, FROSTBITE, BLAST MAVERICK, and POWER PUNCH: {singing} This is a musical! That's right a musical! Sung by great singers! This is a musical! That's right a musical! Sung by great singers!
{Cut to a close-up of Blast Maverick.}
BLAST MAVERICK: You've got to...
{Then Gunhaver pops onscreen.}
GUNHAVER: What in the name of mother of crap-for-brains Jiminy Jones Hones is going on???
{Cut to Frostbite and Power Punch.}
FROSTBITE: Well, this is a musical.
POWER PUNCH: {quietly} That's right, a musical
FROSTBITE: Shut up. Anyway, we are doing a musical for no reason whatsoever.
{Cut to Gunhaver.}
GUNHAVER: Oh, then in that case, I will tell you to STUFF IT! Then we will go into that submarine and look for stuff that might help us escape this place. Anyway, STUFF IT! Now let's go to the submarine.
{Cut to the ruined shark submarine. Cut to the interior, where Blast Maverick, Frostbite, Power Punch, and Gunhaver are looking around the hallways. Cut to a room where Gunhaver finds a piece of paper in a folder.}
GUNHAVER: Gasp! It's plans that Carteen and Contestro will use!
{Then Frostbite pops in. Music immediately starts playing.}
FROSTBITE: {singing} Oh my gosh, plans, and they are in our hands!
{Power Punch pops in.}
POWER PUNCH: {singing} Shall we take advantage of our new item?
FROSTBITE: {singing} Hey everybody! Hey everybody! Have you, have you heard about the plans found? Hey everybody! Hey everybody! They can, they can be used to our advantage!
POWER PUNCH: {singing} How lucky are we? We are just so gosh-darn luck! Maybe luck might pour in like money!
FROSTBITE: {singing} Hey everybody! Hey everybody! You've got, you've got to admire our good luck! Hey everybody! Hey everybody! This can, this can lead to good fortune!
{Blast Maverick pops in and begins singing.}
BLAST MAVERICK: {singing} How lucky are we? We are just so g{beep}n luck! Maybe luck might pour in like money!
FROSTBITE: {singing} Hey ev...
{Then Gunhaver pops onscreen.}
GUNHAVER: Shut up.
{Cut to a room with Carteen and Contestro (redesigned). An electric guitar is playing the background music.}
CONTESTRO: You know, I don't think that the background music is portraying our villainy very well.
CARTEEN: Shut up. Now we have detected intruders in the submarine, so we are going to room 4-RR, where I think we left our plans unguarded.
CONTESTRO: Whose idea was it to leave the plans unguarded?
CARTEEN: Crontes'. Now come.
{Cut to room 4-RR (the room with the plans). Blast Maverick has joined the group.}
GUNHAVER: Well, let's find one of those escape pods. I think that'll be handy.
CONTESTRO: {off-screen} Stop right there!
{Electric guitar background music plays as Carteen and Contestro walk onscreen.}
CARTEEN: {singing} How dare you trespass on my submarine.
POWER PUNCH: {singing} Oh please, it was left wide in the open.
FROSTBITE: {singing} Wide in the open.
BLAST MAVERICK: {singing} Wide in the open.
CONTESTRO: {singing} What on earth does it matter?
GUNHAVER: {not singing} Not you too!
{Then music continues to play.}
POWER PUNCH, FROSTBITE, and BLAST MAVERICK: {singing} It was left in the open! The big wide open! Vulnerable from bugs up to gods! It was left in the open, open to us!
{Just then, Carteen takes out a cube and points it at Power Punch, Frostbite, and Blast Maverick. Suddenly, very loud rock music plays as shockwaves are shot at the latter three, sending them flying away. Then Carteen faces Gunhaver as ominous music plays.}
CARTEEN: {singing} Now admit you realize you are doomed!
{Cut to Gunhaver, who opens his mouth to sing when suddenly, everything is frozen. Pan out to reveal that Gunhaver is watching that on the Alpha 1260. We see that Gunhaver is back in the Cheat Commandos HQ.}
GUNHAVER: Man, that was the dumbest thing ever! A musical? What was the writer thinking? Man! Alpha Stan, delete this piece of crap!
{Then Alpha Stan replaces the cartoon on the screen.}
ALPHA STAN:Piece of crapDELETED!
GUNHAVER: Okay. {typing} Well Jaylaw the man, thanks to you, I had to live through the worst experience I've ever experienced. Let me tell you this. Musicals equal torture. Well, at least I'm back home.
{Then Alpha Stan appears on the screen.}
ALPHA STAN:Click here to email Gunhaver at GEmail.exe
Easter Eggs
- Click on torture to listen to all of the songs in this emails on the CD titled, "Songs of GEmail 59: Escape: The Musical!"
- Click on home to see this:
{Cut to lined paper, where Cheerleader and The Ugly One are facing each other. So and So and What's Her Face are nowhere to be seen.}
CHEERLEADER: Have you seen the new Gunhaver email?
THE UGLY ONE: How the heck did Gunhaver return to the Cheat Commandos Headquarters Playset and escape the bad guys?
{Just then, The Ugly One falls into a pit while the word PLOT falls in after her.}
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: PLOT HOLE'D!
CHEERLEADERS: Ah, plot holes. Don't you love them?
{Just then, a large boxing glove crushes Cheerleader.}
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: NO! Er... NO'D!
Fun Facts
- This email continues from Toastpaint.
- Jaylaw the man (what Gunhaver calls Jaylaw at the end) is a nickname that was used in l33tness.
