Other Character Email Gunhaver/Unguraits 2
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Summary
Gunhaver gets a weird (possibly spam) email from bj. This email concerns Unguraits, so Gunhaver gets a little annoyed. But then, things get interesting when the bad guys attack.
Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Alpha Stan, The Unguraits, Mysterious Person who is not Carteen nor Contestro, Police Cheats, Anchor, News Reporter, 1-Up, Firebert, Pineface, Camera Cheat, Carteen, Contestro, Cheat Father, Cheat Mother, Jim, Several Other People, Reynold, Flashfight, Crontes (Easter egg)
Lines: 138
Transcript
{Cut to Gunhaver in front of the Alpha 1260.}
GUNHAVER: {singing} When you got to do the dance, why won't you do the email dance? That's right the email dance! Ecnad liame eht thgir s'that! Ecnad liame eht od uoy t'now yhw, ecnad eht od ot tog uoy nehw?
ALPHA STAN:Hello Gunhaver. You have four unread emails.
GUNHAVER: FOUR??? Sweet! That just passed the current record!
{Gunhaver presses enter to make the following email appear on the screen.}
Subject: ungruitdae5r gunashver!
-bj
r-u-a ugnerate?
i ne3d 2 kno! lol
GUNHAVER: {reading} Dae {pronounced like day} five r gun-a-sh-ver. R dash U dash a ug-ner-ate? {stops reading} Ugh, this is DEFINITELY leet! Right?
ALPHA STAN:No.
GUNHAVER: Then translate this nonsensical garbage!
ALPHA STAN:Nonsensical garbage translated.
{Then the following email appears on the screen. All of the previously misspelled words are red in text. All of the other previously wrong words are in green. Gunhaver reads it, but says "BJ" as "Bej".}
Subject: UnguraitDear Gunhaver!
-BJ
Are you a Ungurait?
I need to know!
Laughing out loud
GUNHAVER: {typing} Laughing out loud? What a weird salutation. And as for the question, NO! I'm a Cheateaous Macro... Forget it, I don't know much about biology. That's for Reynold people.
{Clears screen.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} Man, and what is it with you people and Unguraits? Well, what makes this email coincidental is that right now in the previous timeline, I should be getting an email about Unguraits. But what's so good about Unguraits anyway? They suck!
{Cut to a dark room where The Unguraits are watching the email on their computer, the Steely 701. They are now watching Gunhaver say the following.}
GUNHAVER: {typing in the toon} But what's so good about Unguraits anyway? They suck!
{The cartoon freezes as The Unguraits hiss.}
UNGURAIT #1: How dare he insult us on public WikiVision!
UNGURAIT #2: We thought he was our friend!
UNGURAIT #3: We should have revenge!
UNGURAIT #4: We should have coffee before revenge!
THE OTHER UNGURAITS: Good idea!
{The following time card appears.}
One (messy) coffee break later...
{Cut to The Unguraits in a room. Two of them have coffee stains on their cloaks.}
UNGURAIT #1: Well, that was a dumb coffee idea.
UNGURAIT #2: So what now?
UNGURAIT #3: Plot revenge against Gunhaver?
UNGURAIT #4: How?
VOICE: I know how.
UNGURAIT #1: Who said that?
{Cut to the Steely 701. The screen is projecting a shadowy figure.}
SHADOWY FIGURE: I know how you can get revenge on Gunhaver. Disgrace the Cheat Commandos. Steal, and do a frame-up.
THE UNGURAITS: A frame-up? Yay!
UNGURAIT #3: I like frame-ups.
UNGURAIT #4: I like sushi.
UNGURAIT #1: Shut up Ungurait Number Four.
{Cut to a bank. Sirens are heard as The Unguraits run out of the bank with four bags of money. Just then, an Ungurait leans onscreen from the right.}
UNGURAIT: Stealing.
{The Ungurait goes back off-screen.}
{Cut to two Police Cheats inside the bank, investigating the crime scene (in a safe).}
POLICE CHEAT #1: Find anything yet?
POLICE CHEAT #2: Not y... hey! I found something! {picks up Firebert's hat} It's Firebert's hat!
POLICE CHEAT #2: A Cheat Commando robbed the bank???
{Police Cheat #1 turns around and picks up what appears to be green hair, which has a tag attached.}
POLICE CHEAT #1: The tag attached to this green hair says, "Property of Pineface, a Cheat Commando." Not another one!
{Cut to the news.}
ANCHOR: We have some important news, like the world in crisis, candy canes are turning into gold, and the Cheat Commandos robbing a bank. Let's go to the third one.
{Cut to a news reporter at the bank.}
NEWS REPORTER: Minutes ago, the Cheat City Bank was robbed, and two Police Cheats green hair and a hat belonging to the robbers, who turned out to be two Cheat Commandos, Pineface and Firebert! Anyway, we decided to tell all y'all this before we arrest the criminals.
{Cut to the living room in the Cheat Commandos HQ. Gunhaver, 1-Up, Firebert, and Pineface are watching TV.}
1-UP: People still have news? There are no news in 20X6.
GUNHAVER: Yeah, yeah. {angrily facing Firebert and Pineface} How dare you rob a bank to humiliate the Cheat Commandos!
FIREBERT: {frantic Cheatese}
PINEFACE: But we didn't do it!
GUNHAVER: Shut up! The news said you robbed the bank, so you did!
1-UP: Back in the future, we would forcefully question the criminals to see if they did the crime or not.
GUNHAVER: This is not the future!
{Just then, two Police Cheats run into the room and handcuff Pineface and Firebert.}
POLICE CHEAT: Hah! We caught them! You can shoot this with your camera now!
{Pan to the right to reveal a camera Cheat turning on his camera.}
{Cut to the Blue Laser CS HQ. Carteen and Contestro are watching the news on TV.}
CARTEEN: Sweet! The Cheat Commandos have robbed a bank for no reason whatsoever, downgrading themselves! You know what that means?
CONTESTRO: We can do the disco dance?
CARTEEN: No, stupid! It means we can commence to Plan A without using Plan AB!
{Cut to a house with a Cheat family watching TV. A Cheat Kid is holding Cheat Commandos action figures.}
CHEAT FATHER: The Cheat Commandos robbed a bank???
CHEAT MOTHER: Jim, don't play with your Cheat Commandos toys anymore!
JIM: But then what will I play with?
ANNOUNCER FROM TV: ...new from Cheaper than Free! The CS Commanders Playsets and Toys!
{Cut to a street, where Cheats are throwing Cheat Commandos playsets and toys into a large flaming pyre. Cut to a toy store where the Cheats are buying the CS Commanders playsets and toys. Cut to Gunhaver, Foxface, 1-Up, and Reynold watching this scene on TV.}
GUNHAVER: Man, this sucks to the max. Screw those two who robbed the bank!
REYNOLD: Hey! Just so you know, I think that they were framed.
GUNHAVER: Shut up Reynold.
1-UP: They had news on TV back then?
GUNHAVER: You mean in the present, or 2005? Yeah.
1-UP: Now can I have pudding?
GUNHAVER: Reynold, get him pudding, now!
{Cut to the CS HQ. Carteen and Contestro are watching several monitors. Cut to Cheats playing with the new CS Commanders action figures, which have very small cameras in them. Cut back to the CS HQ. Carteen and Contestro are standing next to the machine from Contestro.}
CARTEEN: Excellent, things are going exactly like we want them to go. Now pull the lever on the machine that uses Crontes' computer chip.
{Contestro pulls a lever and Carteen falls into a traphole.}
CARTEEN: PULL THE OTHER LEVER!
CONTESTRO: Why do we even have that lever?
{Contestro pulls another lever. Cut to several Cheats (even adults) playing with the CS Commanders playsets and toys in a house. Just then, the playsets and toys let out a red ray at the Cheats, making them have blank eyes.}
CHEATS: {monotone} Carteen Sraven is our master. Carteen Sraven is our master.
{Cut to the following time card.}
Once they received the signal, they went to the CS HQ to meet their master to hear their mission...
{Cut to an assembly room in the CS HQ. Millions of brainwashed Cheats are standing in front of Carteen and Contestro, who are standing on an elevated platform.}
CARTEEN: Everybody we have brainwashed! It is now time for you to execute the mission! Attack the Cheat Commandos! Leave all but Gunhaver for dead! Bring Gunhaver to me so I can kill him myself!
CONTESTRO: And stop by for donuts!
CARTEEN: And stop by for donuts for ME!
CONTESTRO: Hey!
CARTEEN: Shut it. Those brainwashing machines were so the brainwashed can be MY slaves.
CONTESTRO: What about me?
CARTEEN: Oh yeah, I just remembered. I have no use for you anymore!
{Cut to outside the building. Contestro is thrown out of a window. Cut to a trampoline on a street. Contestro lands and bounces on the trampoline before bouncing into a bush.}
CONTESTRO: {from bush} Thank goodness for that conveniently placed trampoline!
{Cut to the exterior of the Cheat Commandos HQ. Thousands of brainwashed Cheats are outside with torches and guns. Cut to a room with monitors. There, Gunhaver, Flashfight, and 1-Up are watching the monitors.}
GUNHAVER: Crap. We are so screwed.
1-UP: And I just joined! I don't get to have fun being a Cheat Commando?
{Then Alpha Stan appears on the biggest screen (creeping out Flashfight and 1-Up), delivering its message.}
ALPHA STAN:Click here to email Gunhaver at GEmail.exe
Easter Eggs
- Click on Laughing Out Loud (the new salutation) to make the letters LOL fill the screen for two seconds.
- Click on the coffee stains to see that they drank Super Mud.
- Click on a monitor that says CS Commanders to see a CS Commanders playsets and toys commercial:
{Cut to a white screen with the letters CS written all over. The next three words said are going to be said is in words.}
ANNOUNCERS: KIDS, ADULTS, IDIOTS! Do you like playing with the Cheat Commandos playsets and toys, but after they robbed the bank, you don't want to anymore and have nothing else to play with? Then play with the product new from Cheaper than Free, CS Commanders Playsets and Toys!
{Cut to a battlefield. There are broken parts of the Cheat Commandos playsets and toys on the ground.}
ANNOUNCER: Play with {a Carteen Sraven action figure appears} Carteen Sraven, {a Contestro Sevornkey action figure appears} Contestro Sevornkey, {action figures of The Unguraits appear} The Unguraits, {a Crontes Sevorn action figure appears} this one old guy, {the words AND MORE appear} AND MORE!
{Cut to a screen where the words CHEAPER THAN FREE flash. Beneath that are the words ($11.01).}
ANNOUNCER: All of them are cheaper than free!
ANOTHER ANNOUNCER: All are $11.01.
{Cut to Carteen Sraven on an elevated platform. Contestro, The Unguriats, and a cardboard cutout of Crontes are below him.}
CARTEEN: CS Commanders, let's... uh... do we even have a motto?
{Then the following words appear.}
CS COMMANDERS
Let's... uh... do we even have a motto?
{The following words sung appear below the written words.}
SINGERS: {singing} CS Commanders, they are the new toys you should play with! Don't play with the Cheat Commandos!
ANNOUNCER: {nasal voice} Probably going to be in a TV show.
Fun Facts
- Gunhaver's talk about a record refers to Gunhaver's inbox, where the most amount of emails unanswered were three. Now it's four.
- Leet (or l33t) is a computer language used on the Internet by many people. In fact, it's the language of the Homestar Runner Wooky.
- Gunhaver references Ungurait, which coincidentally takes place at the same time as this email in the previous timeline.
- The Unguraits' Steely 701 is their computer in their email show.
- WikiVision just references to the Homestar Runner Wiki, so you can say The Unguraits broke the fourth wall there.
- Super Mud was from date.
- What an Ungurait says after The Unguraits steal the money is based on Stealing.
- The part with the levers is a reference to the Disney movie, The Emperor's New Groove.
- Contestro landing on the trampoline and his remark afterwards is based on Black Laser.
- Cheaper than Free is a parody of Cheap as Free.
- $11.01 is a running gag on homestarrunner.com (and it's also Matt Chapman's birthday
- Carteen's plan is based on Plankton's plan in The Spongebob Squarepants Movie.
- The CS Commanders commercial's ending is based on the Cheat Commandos Commercial.
- If you want to know why 1-Up is with the Cheat Commandos all of the sudden, read this email, this, and/or this.
