Other Character Email Gunhaver/Switch
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Summary
Gunhaver sees what life would be like if he were the villain and Blue Laser was the good guy.
Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Gyro, Haver Gun (evil Gunhaver), Bluehaver (Blue Laser on the good side), Silent Rip, Crackotage, Firebert, Reynold, Carl and Lenny, Homestar Runner (Easter Egg), Strong Bad (Easter Egg)
Lines: 89
Transcript
{We go to Gunhaver in front of the Delta 1001. He types in:gunhaver_email.exe.}
GUNHAVER: Email is the only thing that rocks more than blocks.
{Gunhaver presses enter to make the following email appear on the screen.}
Dear Cheat who has a gun,
What would you do if you were
evil and Blue Laser was good?
Signed, poo
GUNHAVER: Well whatsit, I myself have thought about that question, and I came to a conclusion, our new inventor can help me imagine that in virtual reality. Let's go see how he's doing.
{We cut to a laboratory with Gyro, a Cheat who is wearing glasses, dressed up as a scientist, and has a backpack, and is working on something on a table. Gunhaver comes to the scene.}
GUNHAVER: Hey Gyro, how is that virtual reality invention coming along?
GYRO: I finished it three months ago, but you never paid attention to my notices.
GUNHAVER: Oh. {pause} Anyway, I need to use it.
{Then we cut to a metallic helmet on a table. Gunhaver puts it on while Gyro begins setting up the controls on a computer.}
GYRO: All right, so what do you want?
GUNHAVER: I want to know how life would be like if I was the villain and Blue Laser wasn't.
GYRO: Wow, that's a hard one. Well, here goes.
{Then there is a big flash of white. Then we see Gunhaver screaming in a red and black void. Suddenly, the void and screaming stop as Gunhaver drinks a can of soda. Then he commences screaming in the red and black void.}
{Then we cut to the Haver Gun Headquarters Playset. Haver Gun (the evil Gunhaver) is in his bed in blue pajamas. We get to see a dream bubble coming from Haver Gun's head, showing Haver Gun crushing Bluehaver with a mallet repeatedly.}
Narrator: As Haver Gun dreams of crushing the Blue Commandos over and over, he is getting ready to wake up.
Haver Gun: {muttering} Gotta... crush... Blue... Commandos...
{Haver Gun bangs on the stand with his hand several times before crushing the Blue Commandos alarm clock.}
{Haver Gun wakes up.}
Haver Gun: AH! AND NOW IT'S TIME TO START A DAY TO ATTEMPT CRUSHING THE BLUE COMMANDOS SINCE I CRUSHED THE BLUE COMMANDOS ALARM CLOCK TO START THE DAY!
Narrator: Next, Haver Gun uses the cool technology of his Headquarters Playset to get ready for the day.
{Haver Gun presses a blue button on a wall, springing Haver Gun into the air. In the other room, he is changed into his regular clothes, which are the same as Gunhaver's clothes. Then he is sent through a tunnel to the breakfast table. Silent Rip gives Haver Gun a box of Blue Commandos O's while Crakotage gives Blue Laser a mallet.}
Narrator: Silent Rip and Crakotage give Haver Gun his breakfast. That's odd. Haver Gun hates the Blue Commandos. But what is the mallet for?
Haver Gun: AND NOW, THE BEFORE-BREAKFAST RITUAL!
{Using the mallet, he crushes the box of Blue Commandos O's to get the feeling of crushing the Blue Commandos.}
Narrator: Ah, so, he just does that for the feeling of crushing the Blue Commandos.
Haver Gun: FIREBERT, REYNOLD! BREAKFAST!
{Firebert gives Haver Gun two slices of cheesecake while Reynold gives Haver Gun a Cold One.}
Narrator: How unhealthy. No wonder Haver Gun is cranky all the time.
Haver Gun: I ASKED FOR TWO SLICES OF CHOCOLATE CAKE AND AN XTRA COLD ONE! WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO UNDERSTAND?!
{Haver Gun throws the cheesecake at Moe while he throws the Cold One at Reynold, who ducks before the bottle hits him. Then he leaves.}
Narrator: Already, Haver Gun starts off with a bad mood with no breakfast, again.
Haver Gun: {grumbling} What do I have to do for some respect here?
{Haver Gun goes to a TeeBee and plays the customized video game: Blue Commandos Crushers. Haver Gun plays the game, getting the feel of crushing Blue Commandos.}
{The caption:Five hours later, appears as Haver Gun continues to play the game.}
Narrator: And so, Haver Gun plays video games for five hours straight. It's a wonder he isn't blind, or needs glasses. When's lunch?
Silent Rip (from intercom): Lunch, sir.
Haver Gun: FAN-FREAKIN-TASTIC!
{Cut to the dining room, Crakotage gives Haver Gun a cheeseburger, fries, and a toy: Haver Gun crushing Bluehaver with a mallet.}
Narrator: So, Haver Gun is finally getting a good meal. It comes right from McCheatals.
Haver Gun: THIS IS JUST GREAT!
REYNOLD: There is a mission for us to do.
Haver Gun: OKAY, LET'S DO IT!
Narrator: It's mission time!
{Cut to Haver Gun, Silent Rip, and Crakotage riding bicycles in the park, doing something that has to do with crushing the Blue Commandos. Then Bluehaver, Carl, and Lenny arrive as the bicyclists stop their bikes.}
Narrator: Look! It's the Blue Commandos to save the day! Wait, I'm on Haver Gun's side.
Bluehaver: {not screeching} Stop! We know you are trying to have fresh air for reasons of evil that is unreasonable but we are still going to stop you from doing something evil!
Haver Gun: OH SHUT UP!
Narrator: What's going to happen next?
Bluehaver: I don't know. I didn't really expect any...
CARL: Sir, look! Haver Gun got away!
{Cut to Haver Gun, Silent Rip, and Crakotage riding away from the Blue Commandos.}
Narrator: And so, Haver Gun gets away with another mission.
{Cut to the Haver Gun Headquarters Playset. Haver Gun is walking to a computer, a Delta 1001.}
Narrator: Now, Haver Gun is checking his, not emails, messages on his answering machine.
{The computer is replaced by an answering machine.}
GUNHAVER: {offscreen} NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! STOP THIS MADNESS! STOP THIS MADNESS RIGHT NOW!!!
{Then we cut back to the Cheat Commandos HQ laboratory where Gunhaver quickly takes off the virtual reality helmet and throws it away.}
GYRO: What's wrong, Gunhaver?
GUNHAVER: If I'm evil, then I can't answer emails. Instead, I have to listen to answering machine messages, and do you know how popular they are? Not a lot.
GYRO: Oh, so, what are you going to do now?
GUNHAVER: Uh, leave this laboratory.
{As Gunhaver leaves, the Paper comes down, saying: Click here to email Gunhaver at: gunhaver@homestarrunner.com.}
Easter Eggs
- Click on the three lab tubes in the background to make the following happen:
- One tube will spurt red liquid onto the table, burning a hole in it.
- This can be repeated several times, but the hole will not change.
- One tube will spurt out smoke.
- One tube will blow up before reappearing.
- One tube will spurt red liquid onto the table, burning a hole in it.
- Click on the computer screen in the background to see this:
{Cut to Homestar's television room with the Teebee and the silhouettes of Homestar and Strong Bad watching Blue Commandos on television.}
Homestar: Hey Strong Bad! Let's watch this!
STRONG BAD: No way. This is the worst show on Earth. And it's so bad, I'm making even you not watch this crap.
Homestar: Oh.
Fun Facts
- Gyro is a character made up in the Cheat Commandos Characters section.
- Gunhaver screaming in the void is referencing a Spongebob Squarepants episode where Plankton switches places with Mr. Krabs and during the switching process, Plankton screams in a void, drinks soda/a shake, and screams again.
- The whole portion with Haver Gun is from A Day in the Life of Blue Laser, only this is modified.
- Gunhaver was referencing to Marzipan's Answering Machine, the type of toon that is rarely updated.
