Other Character Email Gunhaver/Robbery and Texas
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Summary
The Cheat Rangers (that's not their official name) decide to rob a bank. Gunhaver gets an email asking him if he's Texan. Then he gets homesick, only to be interrupted to save the day.
Cast (in order of appearance): Blast Maverick, Frostbite, Power Punch, Gunhaver, Silent Rip, Police Cheat, Various Blue Laser Minions (Easter egg), Banker (Easter egg)
Lines: 89 lines
Transcript
{Cut to Blast Maverick standing in front of a blank chalkboard in a chalkboard store in the Potamian Caves Mall.}
BLAST MAVERICK: Okay, so here's what we're going to do in order to have our revenge on the McCrapatolas. We're going to rob the mall...
{Then we cut to Frostbite and Power Punch.}
POWER PUNCH: What? That's bad and impossible!
{Cut to a side view with all three Cheats.}
BLAST MAVERICK: Let me finish. We’re going to rob the mall's national bank.
FROSTBITE: That's still bad and even more impossible!
BLAST MAVERICK: Don't impossible me!
FROSTBITE: But how are we going to stage the robbery? We have no technology to do any of that crap.
BLAST MAVERICK: Listen to my plan. {grabs a piece of chalk and begins drawing doodles on the chalkboard} Anyway, first, we rob a heavy weaponry store. Then we use the heavy weapon to make a hole in the mall before making a hole in the bank. Then we can steal a few hundred bucks and give that money to that heavy weaponry store to pay for our damage and what we stole. Then we go back and rob the bank again.
POWER PUNCH: So we need to rob two places.
FROSTBITE: You know, that is the lamest idea of a bank robbery ever.
BLAST MAVERICK: Oh yeah? Well, what's your plan?
FROSTBITE: Just rob the bank by being extremely stealthy, like Power Punch's relative.
POWER PUNCH: So are you saying we should rob the Cheat Commandos of my relative?
FROSTBITE: That idea is as dumb as Blast Maverick's. No, I'm just saying that we should just rob the freakin' bank.
BLAST MAVERICK: Well guess what? We're going it my way, since I'm the leader.
POWER PUNCH: The leader of the Cheat Rangers?
BLAST MAVERICK: Shut up. You know very well we're never going to call ourselves that.
FROSTBITE: Look, I don't think it's worth it robbing the Potamian Caves Mall National Bank. I mean, Potamia's currency is rock money and they are worth way less than actual money.
BLAST MAVERICK: Then why did you just tell us how to rob the bank?
FROSTBITE: To show how much of an idiot you are. Anyway, I have a better idea. We should rob the national bank in Cheat City. There's tons of money there, and they are worth at least something.
POWER PUNCH: I agree with him, Blast Maverick.
FROSTBITE: Majority rules, Blast Maverick.
BLAST MAVERICK: Fine, we'll rob the Cheat City National Bank. And we'll do it with my bank account, which I do have there.
FROSTBITE: Um, robbing a bank with a bank account is impossible.
{Suddenly, Blast Maverick (all angry and such) dives at Frostbite and stops in midair in front of Frostbite.}
BLAST MAVERICK: {shouting} Don't tell me what's impossible, you impossible policeman! We're doing it my way since I am the leader of this group.
POWER PUNCH: But I thought that the Cheat Rangers are not only equal, but they do stuff for the good of mankind.
BLAST MAVERICK: {to Power Punch} Well, screw everything you said, including that horrid group name you keep giving us.
{Cut to Gunhaver in front of the Delta 1001. He types ingunhaver_email.exe.}
GUNHAVER: I once met an email who claimed she was pie.
{Then Gunhaver presses enter to make the following email appear. Then he reads it.}
Dear Haverman,
Are you from Texas? You wear a cowboy hat
and a leather jacket. Or maybe Easter Island?
Yours,
Ultrapoopaw
GUNHAVER: {typing} Of course I'm Texan! Don't you notice my cowboy hat? My shades? My leather brown jacket? And what is this Easter Island anyway? A place where you can click on random stuff? But... I sure do miss Texas. {sniffs} Oh yeah. I miss the good ol days in the Texan countryside.
{Then we hear guitar music. Then we cut to Gunhaver playing a guitar on the roof of the Cheat Commandos HQ.}
GUNHAVER: {singing} I want to wake up in Texas. I miss those wide open skies. I miss my 20 acres, barbeque and pecan pie, oh no. I guess deep in my heart...
{Just then, Silent Rip comes.}
SILENT RIP: Gunhaver!
GUNHAVER: What do you want? I'm in the middle of acting homesick.
SILENT RIP: We've got a report that the Cheat City National Bank is being robbed!
GUNHAVER: {raises fist} Blast you Blue Laser! Blast you!
{Then we see Gunhaver jumping off the roof of the Cheat Commandos HQ and onto a mattress. Then he runs into the Action Figure Storage Truck and drives away. Then we cut back to Silent Rip, whose cell phone begins ringing (silently). Silent Rip answers it.}
SILENT RIP: Hello? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah? Uh-huh. {then we zoom in on his face} My relative Power Punch robbed the bank? {then we zoom out} Meh. I don't care for him much.
{Then Silent Rip throws away his cell phone off the roof.}
{Then we cut to the entrance of the Cheat City National Bank, where Blast Maverick, Frostbite, and Power Punch are being handcuffed by the Police Cheats.}
FROSTBITE: {to Blast Maverick} See? I told you using a bank account to rob a bank is impossible!
BLAST MAVERICK: How many times do I have to talk to you about telling me what's impossible or not?
{Then Gunhaver comes.}
GUNHAVER: Oh, hey guys. What's been happening?
POWER PUNCH: We robbed a bank using Blast Maverick's bank account.
GUNHAVER: What? And I thought you were a group for good!
POWER PUNCH: Well, we should be the Cheat Rangers, but Blast Maverick thinks otherwise.
BLAST MAVERICK: That's because I am the leader!
GUNHAVER: Anyway, have fun in jail.
FROSTBITE: Oh don't worry. A skill the two of us have is to break out of handcuffs. I use my mini-spear, Power Punch uses his strength, and we can just leave Blast Maverick here since we don't like him.
{Then we see that Frostbite and Power Punch break out of their handcuffs.}
FROSTBITE: So long, suckers!
{Then Frostbite, Power Punch, and Blast Maverick (still handcuffed, but not bound) run off.}
BLAST MAVERICK: {off-screen} Wait! I'm still handcuffed!
Frostbite and Power Punch: {off-screen} Who cares?
POLICE CHEAT: {to Gunhaver} Shouldn't you be chasing after them?
GUNHAVER: Nah, that's your job. My job is to stop Blue Laser, who isn't behind this.
POLICE CHEAT: Oh right... and they got a head start. Let's chase em.
{Then the Police Cheats run off to chase after the fugitives.}
GUNHAVER: {to Police Cheats} You could have used your police car! {to himself} Meh. Who cares?
{Then Gunhaver walks off-screen. Then the Paper comes down, saying Click here to email Gunhaver at gunhaver@homestarrunner.com.}
Easter Eggs
- Click on the chalkboard when Blast Maverick is explaining his plan to see the poorly-drawn doodles of Blast Maverick towering over Frostbite and Power Punch with a large fist.
- Click on Easter Island, and you'll be able to access an Easter egg in the end.
- If you did this, click on the ATM by the entrance of the bank to play a game where you have to click on all criminals and Blue Laser minions that try shooting lasers at you to gain points. Yes, it's an endless game until you lose your health.
- Click on the hole made by the entrance of the bank to see how the fugitives used the bank account to rob a bank:
{We cut to Blast Maverick, Frostbite, and Power Punch crawling through the hole they just made. Then they go to the banker.}
BLAST MAVERICK: This is my bank account. Now can we rob a bank?
BANKER: Why, certainly not.
{Then the banker presses a red button, causing sirens to blare with flashing red light.}
Fun Facts
- The "Cheat Rangers" first made their appearance in Black Laser.
- Potamia (where the "Cheat Rangers" are located) is a one of the Far-Off Lands.
- Blast Maverick, Frostbite, and Power Punch being in the Potamian Caves Mall is referencing to Crapbert, where that's their new home after their cave house explodes.
- In that same email, Blast Maverick, Frostbite, and Power Punch encounter the McCrapatolas, creatures that blew up their cave house.
- Impossible policeman is based on a Simpsons episode where Skinner's mother says, "What are you? The impossible police?"
- The song Gunhaver sings to express his homesickness (even though it's fake) is the second verse of the song from a Spongebob Episode, where Sandy (a Texan squirrel) sings that to express her homesickness.
