Other Character Email Gunhaver/Battle

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

Summary

Jewel and BlastFit find Gunhaver, Flashfight, and Reinforcements, but they need more allies. Gunhaver knows the perfect people. Then the Cheat Commandos try to strike back against Blue Laser.

Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Reinforcements, Flashfight, Jewel, BlastFit, Blast Maverick, Frostbite, Power Punch, Reynold, Silent Rip, Fightgar, Crackotage, Firebert, Ripberger, Foxface, Wedginator, Gyro, Tomahaver, Steve, Pineface, Blue Laser, Blue Laser Robots, Arrowhaver, Contestro Sevornkey (Easter egg), Doug and Randy (Easter egg)

Lines: 123

Transcript

{We cut to a highway by the forest. Gunhaver and Reinforcements are riding on the back seats of a jeep (stolen) being driven by Flashfight.}

REINFORCEMENTS: Ah... That wors a grort adventure.

GUNHAVER: Yeah. Who would've guessed that Carmen San Diego was in San Diego?

{Rim shot}

{Then we see the jeep driving towards two Cheats by the side of the road.}

FLASHFIGHT: Hey, look. Heetchhikers. Let's help them, seence wee're Cheet Commandos.

{Then we see the jeep stop in front of the two Cheats, who get in. Then we cut to the inside of the jeep to see Jewel and BlastFit have just gotten in.}

GUNHAVER: BlastFit??? And that...

JEWEL: The name's Jewel, a girl who goes crazy on missions. I was once in the army.

GUNHAVER: Yeah, that's great. But why did you need us to pick you up?

BLASTFIT: Gunhaver, there's bad news. Blue Laser has invaded the Cheat Commandos Headquarters.

Gunhaver and Reinforcements: WHAT???

FLASHFIGHT: That's eemposseeble!

JEWEL: Unfortunately, he succeeded so far. We fled to look for you, but now, I think we need allies. Who should we go to?

GUNHAVER: Hmm... I know just the right three people. But first, let me check my email.

{Then we cut to Gunhaver on his Delta 1001, which is attached to Flashfight's portable generator. He types in
gunhaver_email.exe
.}

GUNHAVER: Taking the email to the market, is not the best thing to do right now.

{Then Gunhaver presses enter to make the following email appear. Some words are still blocked due to technical difficulties.}

~~Dear~~ Gunhaver,
I've joined the Rusty ~~Duck~~
~~Clan~~ and we're com ing to
destroy you with ~~our~~ giant
robot.
Sincerely,
Contestro Sevornkey

{Gunhaver makes a pause when reading com and ing due to the e being fuzzed out.}

REINFORCEMENTS: Who's Contestro Sevornkory?

GUNHAVER: He's this guy who betrayed the Cheat Commandos. You know, Silent Rip and I had to go through an action-packed adventure to save him from Blue Laser, and then he ran off! And now, he has bad grammar! That shows him!

BLASTFIT: But he's with the Rusty Duck Clan now!

JEWEL: What is the Rusty Duck Clan?

GUNHAVER: I believe you mean, Rusty. There's no Duck Clan.

FLASHFIGHT: No, eet's Rustee Duck Clan. They're a group of neenjas from Bonus Stage.

GUNHAVER: Okay, I don't need to worry about this email now. {types in
store_it_up_dan.exe
to get the following message.}

Email stored for later use

FLASHFIGHT: So, where to, Gunhaver?

GUNHAVER: Potamia.

{Then we cut to the Potamian Caves Mall in Potamia. We cut to Blast Maverick (he still has his handcuffs on), Frostbite, and Power Punch walking around.}

POWER PUNCH: If only if I had money, I'd buy video games.

FROSTBITE: If only if I had money, I'd buy a new house.

BLAST MAVERICK: If only if I had money, I'd buy a gun with bullets.

FROSTBITE: And obviously, a way to free yourself from the handcuffs.

{Just then, they nearly bump into Gunhaver, Flashfight, Reinforcements, Jewel, and BlastFit.}

BLAST MAVERICK: What do you want? We aren't doing anything bad.

GUNHAVER: Hey guys. We need your help. We need you to help us fight against Blue Laser.

FROSTBITE: Why would we help you?

POWER PUNCH: Yeah! And you didn't call us the Cheat Ran... {gets smacked in the face by Blast Maverick's handcuffs}

FLASHFIGHT: How about eef we make a deel?

BLAST MAVERICK: Okay. How about I get to make out with that hot chick.

JEWEL: No. I mean, you look to messy.

FLASHFIGHT: But wee can get you out of your handcuffs.

BLAST MAVERICK: Nah.

FLASHFIGHT: And a new submacheene gun with bullets.

BLAST MAVERICK: Deal.

FROSTBITE: What's in it for me? And the Power Punch guy.

FLASHFIGHT: {to Frostbite} You can get a freee teecket to the Arctic.

FROSTBITE: Antarctic.

FLASHFIGHT: Fine. {to Power Punch} And we'll geeve you a new belt.

POWER PUNCH: It's a deal!

{Then we cut to Cheat City. The jeep with the Cheat Commandos is driving towards the Cheat Commandos HQ, where they get to see what has become of it. It's slightly ruined and smoke is billowing out of holes in the building.}

GUNHAVER: Oh my Cornbread. That's terrible.

{Then we cut to the interior of the HQ at the front door. Suddenly, the door is blasted open by Reinforcements' JRBRR as he, Gunhaver, Flashfight, Jewel, BlastFit, Blast Maverick, Frostbite, and Power Punch run inside. Then they go to the living room, where they see the caged Cheat Commandos.}

REYNOLD: Hey! Guys! Save us!

BLUE LASER: {off-screen} I HEARD THAT!

{Then Blue Laser comes, followed by his robot army. Blue Laser is carrying Silent Rip.}

SILENT RIP: Gunhaver! Reinforcements! Flashfight! You've come!

BLUE LASER: I WAS JUST ABOUT TO HAVE TO ROBOTS CRUSH HIM RIGHT NOW! IN FACT, ZAP HIM!

{Then we see a robot charging up its blue laser aimed at Silent Rip. Suddenly, we hear a gunshot as the robot blows up. Then Gunhaver walks onscreen with his pistol.}

GUNHAVER: You need to be much smarter if you want to kill a Cheat Commando.

FLASHFIGHT: ATTACK!!!

{Then Gunhaver begins shooting at the robots with his pistol, shattering the robots with on bullet each. Reinforcements uses his rockets from his Justice Rocket Backpack Rocket Rocket to blow up several Blue Laser Robots at a time. Jewel uses her two machine guns while Blast Maverick uses his two submachine guns happily to blast the Blue Laser Robots. Frostbite stabs at some robots with his spear, somehow destroying them in one hit each time. Power Punch punches and chops each of the robots attacking him, destroying them.}

POWER PUNCH: Yeah! The power of the Cheat Rangers!

{Just then, we cut to BlastFit, who is just about to blast a robot with his ion cannon.}

BLASTFIT: {manic} No. You just did not say RANGERS!!! AHHH! I'M GOING INTO A FIT!!!

{Then we see BlastFit foaming at the mouth, furiously shooting plasma shots at several of the robots at a time with no mercy at all. Then we cut to Flashfight running towards the robot army with the freed Cheat Commandos behind him.}

FLASHFIGHT: Cheet Commandos! ATTACK!!!!

{Then the freed Cheat Commandos (minus Reynold, Pineface, and Steve) run towards the robots. Fightgar uses one of Jewel's machine guns to blast at the robots. Silent Rip is still throwing silencers at the robots, but Jewel gives Silent Rip a gun, so Silent Rip shoots bullets at the robots with his silenced gun, missing most of the time. The others are attacking like they did last time with revamped supplies. Meanwhile, Flashfight is shining his flashlight on several of the robots, blowing them up for no scientific reason. He, and Gunhaver, are also shouting out orders to the Cheat Commandos. Then we cut to Reynold with a robot on each side of him.}

REINFORCEMENTS: Rornald! You've drorped a quarter!

REYNOLD: Well, I guess it's a thing I should do.

{So Reynold ducks when the two robots fire blue lasers, blasting themselves. Then we cut to Wedginator, shouting while running into several of the robots, pushing them into a big group. Firebert and Reinofrcments destroy them all with dynamite and a rocket, respectively. Steve joins the battle, punching at what robots he can punch with no prevail. Pineface just watches from a couch.}

PINEFACE: Battling isn't my style.

{Soon, we cut to the living room, which is smoking from the battle. But we can clearly see that all robots are destroyed. The Cheat Commandos surround Blue Laser in a tight circle. Gunhaver approaches the captive.}

GUNHAVER: Well, it looks like you lose, Blue Loser.

BLUE LASER: OH! I JUST HATE IT WHEN YOU CALL ME THAT! BUT DON'T WORRY. MY NEWEST MINION CAN SUPPLY ME WITH A GREAT ESCAPE! {Pause, but nothing happens} UH... I SAY A GREAT ESCAPE! {Another pause} AT LEAST SOME KINDA ESCAPE?

{Then we cut to Arrowhaver running away from the room, to the basement, and into the hole on the floor and into the pipe. Then we see him running in the direction towards the Blue Laser HQ. Then we cut back to the living room.}

BLUE LASER: THAT BACKSTABBING SNITCH! HE TOOK ADVANTAGE OF BLUE LASER BEFORE TELLING ME THE SECRET THAT LED TO THIS??? WHAT THE CRAP???

GUNHAVER: This means that you lose. But while we wait for you to be actually arrested...

{Then we cut to the Cheat Commandos HQ detention hall. Then we see Blue Laser in a prison cell and the prison cell being monitored in a room with buttons and Gunhaver.}

GUNHAVER: Hope you like prison.

{Then he presses a button, and we cut to a different view as we hear a zap and Blue Laser screaming. Then he presses that button again to make a zap and Blue Laser scream again. Then the Paper comes down, saying Click here to email Gunhaver at gunhaver@homestarrunner.com.}

Easter Eggs

Click on Gunhaver's hand to make him press different buttons:
- Clicking it once will make a zap sound and Blue Laser scream
- Clicking it again will make a sound that sounds like a flamethrower and Blue Laser screaming
- Click it again, and you'll hear a hiss and Blue Laser screaming
- Click it again, and you'll hear an explosion and Blue Laser screaming
- Click it again, and you'll hear smacking sounds and Blue Laser saying "Ow!" every time he's hit
- Then the cycle will start from the zap sound
Click on a poster in the background to see this:

{Cut to a room. Contestro is inside his Rusty Duck Clan robot.}

CONTESTRO: All right! Let 'er rip! Literally!

{Then we hear the sounds of the robot booting, but then it immediately shuts down. Doug comes.}

CONTESTRO: What the crap? What happened to the robot?

DOUG: Uh, I kinda, broke it a little.

CONTESTRO: Well, this is just great. Randy, beat him up.

{Then Randy comes.}

RANDY: My pleasure.

Fun Facts

This email is continuing from Invasion.
Contestro used to be a Cheat Commando, or at least, a good guy, but after Gunhaver insulted his name, he tried to join Blue Laser twice, failing each time. Then he decided to join the Rusty Duck Clan of Bonus Stage.
store_it_up_dan.exe adds to the running gag in Homestar Runner dot com about the name Dan.
The email seen in this email will be used for the next email, where Contestro attacks.
Blast Maverick, Frostbite, and Power Punch are a three-man group in Potamia. In their last appearance, Robbery and Texas, they try robbing a bank, fail, and run away with only Blast Maverick being handcuffed.
Blast Maverick is stuck with a submachine gun with blanks. This is referring to the Simpsons, where a character who uses a gun is stuck with blanks after accidentally shooting a guy.
Blue Laser will be stuck in prison for the next few emails.
The Rusty Duck Clan members are from Matt Wilson's Bonus Stage (and High Score).

Other Character Email Gunhaver/Battle

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Easter Eggs

Fun Facts

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