Other Character Email Gunhaver/Reynold's Commandos
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Summary
Gunhaver gets a new computer, the Alpha 1260! Then he tries to imagine what things would be like if Reynold was treated like... say... Gunhaver after Reynold sends a thank-you email to Gunhaver.
Cast (in order of appearance): Reynold, Gyro, Gunhaver, Alpha Stan, Silent Rip, Fightgar, Firebert, Ripberger, Reinforcements, Contestro Sevornkey, Robot Minions, Wedginator (Easter egg)
Lines: 109
Transcript
{Cut to the computer room. Reynold is on the floor, fruitlessly whacking a nail into the broken remains of the Delta 1001 with a hammer.}
REYNOLD: Come on, you stupid piece of crap! Get fixed already!
{Then Gyro comes.}
GYRO: Is that all you've done? You've got to fix this before Gunhaver comes back and...
{Then Gunhaver walks into the room, carrying what appears to be a grey rectangle.}
GUNHAVER: What the crap is going on? You're making Reynold do all of the hopeless work?
GYRO: Yes.
GUNHAVER: Well, good job. {to Reynold} Now go and fix The Screen. We don't need this {kicks the remains of the Delta 1001 away} piece of crap anymore.
REYNOLD: WHAT? I just spent three hours trying to fix this, and now you're making me fix The Screen?
GUNHAVER: Yes.
{Then Gunhaver whacks Reynold in the head with the rectangle. Cut to our normal view of Gunhaver at his computer desk. He puts the rectangle on the desk.}
GUNHAVER: Behold, the almighty laptop computer that I hope is better than the Delta 1001, the Alpha 1260!
{Gunhaver opens the Alpha 1260, and for unrealistic reasons, angelic light surrounds the laptop computer with voices singing in the background. Then the light and singing disappear as Gunhaver turns on the computer, displaying the following with two chimes from the computer, one for the laptop's name, and one for Alpha Stan (the face, which is a parody of S.A.M.).}
ALPHA 1260
GUNHAVER: Ooh, this looks good.
ALPHA STAN:Hello new user. My name is Alpha Stan, your guide to the Alpha 1260.
GUNHAVER: {typing} My name's Gunhaver. {presses enter}
ALPHA STAN:Hello Gunhaver. Let me introduce you to the Alpha 1260.
{Cut to a black screen with Alpha Stan's face and the Alpha 1260 by the face. While describing the computer, the words that describe the laptop will fly across the screen.}
ALPHA STAN: The Alpha 1260 is the state-of-the-art laptop with a 2.5 megabyte hard drive, colors, weighs 37 pounds, has an S.A.M. speech synthesizer named Alpha Stan (that's me), and finally, and impressive battery life of at most seven minutes. Overall, take that, Lappy 486! Ha!
{Then the following words appear below Alpha Stan as he says them.}
ALPHA STAN: The computer that will fit on your lap is certainly better than the Compy's Lappy 486, ha!
{Cut to Gunhaver in front of the Alpha 1260.}
GUNHAVER: Well, that was certainly a biased introduction.
ALPHA STAN:So, what would you like to do?
GUNHAVER: Check my email, of course. My email address is {typing} GEmail.exe. {stops typing} Why am I talking to my computer?
{Gunhaver presses enter to make all words disappear from the screen, but Alpha Stan is still there.}
ALPHA STAN:You have two unread email(s).
GUNHAVER: All right! All right! Get on with it! Give me the one on the top of the list.
{Gunhaver presses enter to make the following email appear.}
GUNHAVER: Thank goodness Alpha Stan isn't supposed to read the email. Anyway...
{Gunhaver reads the following email (he doesn't read the subject line. It's just there for coolty).}
Subject: ThanksDear Gunhaver,
Thanks for saving me from Contestro Sevornkey! I owe you one.
P.S. I didn't break the Blue Laser Alert!
Also, I am absoultely needed in The Commandos! Who put "Who needs him"
On The Screen?
From,
Reynold
{Suddenly, Gunhaver breaks into an uncontrollable fit of laughter.}
GUNHAVER: {laughing} Oh man! This is an absoultely (sp) ridiculous email! {typing} When have I ever saved you from Contestro Sevornkey? And if you were in danger of him, I'd probably watch TV and watch you get beaten up! Even though Umdero Sadorksy the new bad guy. As for your second statement, yeah, you owe me a lot of stuff. As for your third statement, learn to spell absolutely and ridiculous. {typing} I mean, you are the only one who reads and writes poetry around here, and you still can't spell!
{Gunhaver clears the screen before typing again. The subject line and the tab below disappear.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} To answer your fourth statement, um, The Screen has a hint of artificial... um, smartness. Or AI. Whatever. Oh, and I never knew that your grammar stinks. And as for your postscript, shut up. I know you broke the Blue Las-alert, even though I saw Rei... you break it, I know you did it. {stops typing} So Alpha Stan, how was that?
ALPHA STAN:Well done Gunhaver. You certainly showed him who's boss.
GUNHAVER: I guess you can say I did that. But imagine if we ever treated Reynold like, say, me. The day that happens, the world explodes, especially if I'm treated like Reynold. Pfft! Let's see what happens in my imagination.
{Cut to Gunhaver's imagination (which has a cloudy borderline). Cut to the living room with Reynold and Silent Rip, except the living room has no TV, but several bookshelves, paintings, and plants. Classical music is playing. Reynold and Silent Rip are dressed formally.}
REYNOLD: It sure is a good day, isn't it, Silent Rip?
SILENT RIP: Oh yes, sir.
REYNOLD: So, what would you rather want to do? Listen to a joke of mine, or hear my newest poem?
{Fightgar comes, except he has shaved, he is carrying no gun, and he is dressed nicely.}
FIGHTGAR: Oh yes, Reynold! We all know that you are the world's best poet!
{Then Firebert (dressed formally), Ripberger (he is wearing a suit over his normal clothes), and Reinforcements (shaved and formally dressed) come to listen to Reynold's poem.}
REYNOLD: The sun in the ewer, an event impossible to compose, and the darkness of evil, it shall never prevail, with our hopes and love.
{The rest applaud for Reynold's poem. Just then, an alarm blares.}
SILENT RIP: Oh no! It's Contestro Sevornkey!
REYNOLD: It's time for us to stop him from his wrongdoings before it's too late! Reynold Commandos, let's rock and roll!
{Then the Reynold Commandos (dressed normally again, except Reynold is wearing what Gunhaver wears) run out of the Reynold Commandos HQ and to a hill, where Contestro Sevornkey and his robot minions are waiting for them.}
CONTESTRO: Ah, if it isn't the Reynold Commandos? I hope I haven't interrupted you on your tea party for wimps? {laughs}
REYNOLD: Back off Contestro! We know that you are about to do something evil, for we know.
SILENT RIP: You can't beat us! We're unstoppable.
REYNOLD: REYNOLD COMMANDOS! TIME TO UNLEASH OUR ATTACK!
{Suddenly, all of the Reynold Commandos get out musical instruments (orchestral ones, like violins, flutes, clarinets, etc...) and start playing Symphony No. 40. Cut to Contestro, who is being driven crazy by the music. His robots have blown up from the music.}
CONTESTRO: AHHH!!! CLASSICAL MUSIC! MY WEAKNESS!
{Then Contestro runs away screaming. Cut to the Reynold Commandos HQ, where the Reynold Commandos (formally dressed again) are having a tea party. Just then, Gunhaver (in tattered military clothes) runs to the room. Everyone else looks at him in distaste.}
GUNHAVER: Was sup? I'm hungry for some action and adventure! Forget this musical and poetic and artsy crap!
REYNOLD: How dare you insult our interests!
{The rest of the Reynold Commandos agree with him.}
REYNOLD: No after dinner scones for you!
{Cut back to the real world with Gunhaver in front of the Alpha 1260.}
GUNHAVER: Whoa. That was... freaky. I never knew my imagination can go like that. I oughta have it checked out, or something.
REYNOLD: {off-screen} Yeah.
{Cut to a view of Gunhaver at his chair and Reynold standing on the floor.}
REYNOLD: I think you exaggerated the fantasy of Reynold Commandos. I don't think we're going to go too much into music, art, and literature.
GUNHAVER: {laughing} Oh come on! That's ridiculous! Besides, the Reynold Commandos should not exist at all! What you should be doing is fixing The Screen and doing paperwork!
REYNOLD: But I didn't even break The Screen! You said it yourself!
GUNHAVER: Nuh-uh! And don't ever email me again! I bet that you don't even have an email show! And if you had one, I know it would suck, since people hate you!
REYNOLD: I do! And it's going quite well!
{Cut to Gunhaver in front of the Alpha 1260.}
GUNHAVER: Ugh, that useless pest. Anyway, here's the end of the email. Come on, paper.
ALPHA STAN:Click here to email Gunhaver at GEmail.exe
GUNHAVER: What? What happened to the Paper?
ALPHA STAN: {not written in text} The Alpha 1260 doesn't come with a printer.
GUNHAVER: Oh, I should have known. Anyway, welcome to Gunhaver email land, Alpha.
Easter Eggs
- Click on the world explodes to make this happens in the last Reynold Commandos scene:
{Cut to the Reynold Commandos HQ, where they are having a tea party. Just then, Gunhaver (in tattered military clothes) runs to the room. Everyone else looks at him in distaste.}
GUNHAVER: Was sup? I'm hungry for some action and adventure! Forget this musical and poetic and artsy crap!
REYNOLD: How dare you insult our interests!
{The rest of the Reynold Commandos agree with him.}
REYNOLD: No after dinner scones for you!
{Just then, there is a big fiery explosion.}
- Click on Alpha Stan to see another Reynold Commandos adventure (you imagine how it's going to be like).
- Click on Alpha 1260 (the words under the screen) to see what happens to the Delta 1001:
{Cut to Gibberish Street Forget How Bed Tunnel, where Wedginator is standing by the remains of the Delta 1001 and a piece of paper that says this:}
X.X Click here to email Gunhaver at GEmail.exe
Fun Facts
*To the writers of Other Character Email Reynold: I hope that this email hasn't insulted your OCE. Remember, it's just Gunhaver doing the insulting, and you know how Gunhaver usually treats Reynold in my OCE.
- This begins the Alpha 1260 era.
- Reynold being framed of breaking the Blue Las-Alert is based on Contestro.
- Also, when The Screen lists the Cheat Commandos' name, "Who needs him?" is said by Reynold's name. (see Time Traveling to see an example)
- Alpha Stan based on Female Lappy 486 and it is a reference to S.A.M., Software Automated Mouth (what the Female Lappy 486 pretty much based on, or at least, referenced to). But I didn't know that S.A.M. was an abbreviation before, so that's why I named Alpha Stan Alpha Stan instead of Alpha Sam.
- Alpha Stan's introduction to the Alpha 1260 is based on animal while dissing the Lappy 486 (compare it to the Alpha 1260).
- One might say that the Alpha 1260 was made by the company that rivals the Compy company (the company that made the Compy 386 and the Lappy).
- Gunhaver telling Alpha Stan to give him the email on the top of the list is a way how I choose which emails I use (another way is by choosing which email was first).
- The email sent to Gunhaver references to Contestro Sevornkey (a Reynold email).
- Reynold Commandos is from Shopping for Danger.
- Yes, I stink at poetry.
- The Paper is no longer going to be used, or at least, used by Gunhaver.
- The opening of this e-mail, including Reynold fixing the Delta 1001, is based on a Space Tree episode (be warned of swears and dismemberment), Emotional Distress.
