Other Character Email Tampo/chabarg

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

Tampo Email #36: "chabarg"

Summary: Tampo, Brody and Stlunko aid the Chabarg Commandos and Gunhaver in their desperate fight against evil.

Cast (in order of appearance): Tampo, Brody, Stlunko, Dr. Reynolds' Android, Ultramarine Underlings, Commander Blaze, Ultramarine Laser/Carteen Sraven, Gunhaver, Black Laser, Foxface, Killer Red, Killer Blue, Killer Green, Dr. Reynolds, Blast Maverick (voice only), Saargtsson (voice only), S-S-S4M Diplomat, JOSH-ooa Diplomat, Master Sticklyman Jr., 30X2 Palace Guards, 30X2 Tampo, 30X2 Brody, 30X2 Stlunko, Stinkoman (Easter Egg), Bad Graphics Ghost (Easter Egg), Harvax XVII (Easter Egg)

Places: 30X1 Field, Chabarg Commando's Headquarters, Ultramarine Laser's Castle Grounds, Ultramarine Laser's Castle's Foyer, The Universe, Persimmon Building, ASDF's Cave, Robotic Forest, Gunhaver's Computer Room, 20X6 Field, Universe Headmaster Diplomacy Chamber, 30X2 Palace

Length: 332 Lines

Date: November 25, 2005

Transcript

Part 1 - Chabarg Battle

The Boss Trio finds itself in 30X1, with a battle raging between Chabarg Commandos and Ultramarine Laser.

{Cut to a futuristic field. The ground is gray and the sky is overcast. A light storm is forming with occassional lightning and thunder in the distance, but no rain. Nearby is a large, crumbled pile of rocks. In the distance is a large building in the background with the text "Chabarg Commandos Secret Headquarters" written along the top wall. A raging, but barely discurnable fight is going on in front of it. Suddenly a somewhat large swirling black hole appears nearby and Tampo, Brody and Stlunko drop out of it.}

TAMPO: Okay... {looks around} Where are we now?

BRODY: {looking at distant fight} Nowhere good.

STLUNKO: Scanning... we are in the same spot we were earlier. But in the year 30X1.

BRODY: 30X1? Didn't we visit that time period before?

TAMPO: 30X2, I believe. Things were... brighter then.

STLUNKO: We did alter the time line. Wait. {beeps} We are in an alternate universe. The S-S-S4M universe, to be exact. Fortunately the microchip jammer still appears to be operating, somehow. I do not know why.

BRODY: Yeah, that's great. Now— {points toward battle} Look out! Someone's coming!

{The three turn to see a large humanoid robot heading there way, flying with rocket boots. The boss trio get into slightly-defensive positions as the android goes up to them and stops on the ground.}

ANDROID: {very robotic voice, mouth doesn't open as it talks} Do not attack, I speak for Dr. Reynolds.

TAMPO: Dr. Who?

ANDROID: He requests your assistance in battle.

BRODY: You mean that battle? Over there? {points}

ANDROID: Yes, he brought you here to aid him. Tampo the brain, he wanted you to have this. He says it may help you get a battle strategy.

{The android drops a disc onto the ground. It projects a large hologram where hundreds of multicolored capsules, which are scrolling past quickly.}

TAMPO: {in awe} Woah... pretty lights...

DISC: Tampo368, you have 476,927 unread messages.

BRODY: It's possible.

TAMPO: Okay... Stlunko, choose our lucky winner.

{Stlunko pokes at the hologram and its a green capsule as it zooms past. It pops out from the others as the rest of the hologram deactivates. Then the green capsule materializes and the disc fades into nothing. As the trio watch, the green capsule drops onto the ground and then projects a large email hologram into the air.}

TAMPO: Cool. {reads the email}

Subject: Mind-control

Hey Tampo!
Can you do mind-control?
Ja ne,
Aaron Eagle (AKA Aussie Evil II)

{Tampo pronounces "Ja ne" as "Juh-nee".}

TAMPO: Mind control! The perfect battle plan! Too bad I can't do it—

{Suddenly the android fires a blue beam right above Tampo. It stops right on him and materializes a small headset with two antennas on it, which flicker small sparks of electricity between them.}

BRODY: A mind control helmet?

ANDROID: Yes. It takes time to charge, so your powers will be weak at first, but they will grow steadily.

TAMPO: Alright then. So now—

ANDROID: Incoming signal. {different voice} Tampo! Brody! Stlunko! This is Commander Blaze! You don't know me, but I know you. We need your help in the battlefield! NOW!!! Over and out. {old voice} Transmision terminated.

STLUNKO: We should go help Commander Blaze out.

TAMPO: Wait, I need to practice my new...

ANDROID: No time.

{The android simutaniously fires three yellow beams at the boss trio, making them glow yellow and disappear.}

{Cut to the aforementioned raging battle. Yellow, green, and white ships, tanks, speeders, and flagships are firing lasers and missiles at blue ships, speeders, tanks, and gigantic robots, which are retaliating with blue lasers and missiles. There's smoke, fire, destruction, casualties, and fatalities everywhere. The largest (and most grand) flagship is currently damaged, as a part of it is broken off. Currently, it looks like the blue army is winning, driving the other army away from a large castle and towards the Chabarg Commandos Headquarters. Tampo, Brody, and Stlunko appear in the middle of all this in yellow light.}

TAMPO: What kind of a place is this???

BRODY: It looks like—

{Suddenly, a blue laser hits Brody in the rear end, making him scream in pain as he runs off-screen, running over yellow, green, and white tanks, speeders, and soldiers not wearing blue.}

STLUNKO: Brody! Come back! You are going the wrong way!

TAMPO: I'll take care of him with my mind control powers right now!

STLUNKO: No. Your mind control powers are currently too weak. I will retrieve him.

{Stlunko rolls off-screen.}

TAMPO: And I'm supposed to defend myself??? You do remember my big problem beneath my eyAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

{Two soldiers in blue with advanced missile launchers run to Tampo and fire missiles at Tampo, who keeps on dodging until one missile hits his red spot, knocking him onto the ground as he flashes red.}

TAMPO: {pained} Ouch! That hurt! I almost forgot how being hit in your weak spot felt like!

BLUE SOLDIER: Freeze! In the name of Master Ultramarine Laser, we are Ultramarine Underlings, and we have the power to...

TAMPO: {thinking while the Ultramarine Underlings continues to speak} Oh, so Ultramarine Laser is someone I wouldn't want to be friends with. I guess I should test my mind control power here right now.

{Tampo firmly looks at the two Ultramarine Underlings and begins to speak in very faint echoes. Meanwhile, the antennas on his headset let out flickers of blue sparks.}

TAMPO: {with faint echo} You will do what I say! You will get me a tenth-aid kit and then fire your missiles at your own army.

{The two Ultramarine Underlings stand there for two seconds before raising their missile launchers.}

ULTRAMARINE UNDERLING #1: In the name of Master Ultramarine Laser...

{Suddenly, red lasers are shot at the two Ultramarine Underlings, who disappear in red light. Then someone who looks similar to the rest of the soldiers in the battle wearing general clothes runs onscreen with a black blaster. He throws a ball of light at Tampo, making him glow for two seconds.}

NEWCOMER: Are you okay?

TAMPO: All of the sudden, I feel better. Who are you?

COMMANDER BLAZE: Long story short: I am Commander Blaze, leader of the Chabarg Commandos. Go and fight anything blue, our enemies, now!

{Commander Blaze runs away while firing more lasers. Then there's a pause.}

TAMPO: Okay.

{Tampo goes to fight the blue ships in the air by shooting volleys of laserballs while doing his best to dodge all shots, particularly those aimed at his big, red, weak spot. As he fights, the antennas on his headset charge up more and more electricity as time passes. Brody, who has regained control of himself, is pecking, kicking, and apparently wrestling with the gigantic blue robots while stomping on all of the Ultramarine Underlings and their vehicles below. Stlunko quickly runs over Ultramarine Underlings while punching or crushing vehicles with his fists. Soon, the tables turn as Ultramarine Laser's army is being driven back to the large castle. After successfully hunting down an Ultramarine Laser flagship, Tampo eventually gets to the edge of the building. No one's attacking him now, so he has a new moments to rest.}

ANDROID: {offscreen} Tampo. I hear you. Come here.

TAMPO: Huh?

{Tampo looks around and goes to the other side of the building. He finds Dr. Reynolds' android. It's bottom half is completely gone, small shards of it embedded in the wall and ground. His top half is burt and battered, with some fizzing and smoking wires sticking out. His eyes are slowly deactivating.}

TAMPO: What happened to you?!

ANDROID: I was hit by a missile while returning here and crashed. But Dr. Reynolds says that Gunhaver, who saved you from the ASDF, needs help in a battle against the Ultramarine Laser commander. Help him {voice starts slowing down} immediatelyyyyy...

{The android fires a yellow been at Tampo and teleports him away, and then he deactives entirely.}

{Cut to the entrance of Ultramarine Laser's castle, where the double doors have been blasted open. There is also the remains of a speeder that has been blown up. Tampo appears in a flash of yellow light.}

TAMPO: Well, I guess this is the place. I just wonder why it's always me who has the be the hero.

{Cut to the foyer of Ultramarine Laser's castle, where Tampo floats inside quietly while looking at the events taking place here. Some Cheat-like creature with an afro, shades, and a blue cloak raises his hand in front of him, aiming it at Gunhaver, who is wearing metallic armor, a visor, a helmet, mechanical arms (a melted sword, two cannons, and a metallic claw), and legs. Suddenly, there are small explosions on his body as the metallic armor and weapons on him start to crumple. Soon, they tighten around Gunhaver's entire body to force Gunhaver be trapped in a ball-like position. Then the creature charges up energy colored black in his hands.}

CREATURE: Good-bye Gunhaver. It was fun and all, fighting you and all, but, the end is inevitable. It's just the matter of who meets the end first. I'll provide that matter with the solution right now.

{Without thinking, Tampo shoots three laserballs at the creature, sending him flying into a wall after letting out a grunt of surprise. Carteen looks in front of him with no surprise.}

CARTEEN: Ah, of course. Despite my omniscience, I see that more things are not going as planned. You have survived, Tampo.

{Cut to Tampo, wearing a headset with antenna brimming with electricity, floats into the room.}

GUNHAVER: {from his "armor"} All right. Kick Carteen's butt!

TAMPO: Carteen??? I thought he was Ultramarine Laser.

GUNHAVER: {from his "armor"} Same thing.

{So, Tampo firmly glares at Carteen while the electricity starts to charge for an attack.}

TAMPO: {with a slight echo in his voice} Carteen, I am not Tampo. I am a bounty hunter here to kill Gunhaver.

CARTEEN: But you are not a bounty hunter. You are some brain I know about from a prophecy. Also, I will kill Gunhaver.

TAMPO: {with a stronger echo in his voice} I am a bounty hunter who you have never met before. Also, I will be the one with the honor to kill Gunhaver.

CARTEEN: {sighs} I guess you are a bounty hunter I have never met before. But I swear that my omniscience is telling me something.

TAMPO: {with the echo} Uh, your omniscience is lying!!!

CARTEEN: Fine. Also, I will allow you to kill Gunhaver.

TAMPO: {normally} Thanks.

{Suddenly, Carteen grasps at his head. Meanwhile, Tampo floats to and looks at Gunhaver trapped in his armor.}

TAMPO: Uh, could you get him out of this armor thing?

{Carteen raises an arm to break Gunhaver free from the armor with psychic powers without missing a beat while still grasping at his head. Suddenly, he looks up, smiling.}

CARTEEN: Of course. Not only have you survived the attack on your lives by the ASDF, but you have also gained temporary mind control powers that you have used on me to free Gunhaver and are intending to use for the good of making me lose the war. I'll give you a 3 out of 10 because I don't like you.

TAMPO: Why?

GUNHAVER: He's just a prejudiced nut head.

{Gunhaver gets knocked to the ground by a multicolored energy ball. Cut to Carteen.}

CARTEEN: No, the reason why I hate you and want you dead is because of a prophecy I received from my growing omniscience, which told me that {points to Tampo} you and {points to Gunhaver} that SCUM will lead to my downfall! I had to take care of you two quickly. Unfortunately, fate does not like to listen to my demands, which has brought us to this situation! So instead, I will enjoy fighting you two.

GUNHAVER: You're welcome.

CARTEEN: SHUT UP WITH YOUR STUPID COMMENTS! It will be easy defeating you two. {to Tampo} You have the biggest weak spot I've ever seen in my entire two lives! {to Gunhaver} You are armed with an outdated pistol!

GUNHAVER: Hey! {gets out his blaster} Those Chabarg Commandos gave me a cool, new blaster!

CARTEEN: Same difference.

{Suddenly, Carteen's arms turn into glowing swords before he zips at Tampo and Gunhaver, fighting them separately and ferociously. When fighting Tampo, he keeps on slashing low, aiming for his red, weak spot, which is sometimes hit, injuring Tampo as he flashes red. Tampo fights back by shooting volleys of laserballs at Carteen, most of which are blocked by Carteen's sword arms, some of which hit their target, doing little effect to Carteen. Meanwhile, Gunhaver shoots blaster shots at Carteen while he's not looking, but Carteen quickly conjures a shield around him and shoots one of his various projectiles at Gunhaver, who is either dodges or is blasted away. Soon, after not being able to defeat Tampo quickly by slashing at his weak spot, he floats into the air and shoots very small missiles at Tampo, who almost gets hit all the time, for the missiles barely miss. Despite this, Carteen barely notices all of the damage he's getting from the laserballs and blaster shot that manage to hit their mark. Cut to Gunhaver and Tampo, who are grouped together now, doing their best to dodge Carteen's projectiles while shooting at Carteen..}

GUNHAVER: Man! This is taking a freaking long time! Is he ever going to go down???

TAMPO: I don't know. You fought him first! And apparently, since he knows you, you know him more than I do!

GUNHAVER: I just wish that our attacks aren't that weak.

TAMPO: Well, I think I can charge up a pretty big and powerful laserball, but that will take time and concentration, something I can't have if Carteen doesn't stop with this nonsense!

GUNHAVER: Wait, do you still have your mind control powers, since I saw you use them?

TAMPO: Oh yeah! I can't believe I forgot about that, since I'm wearing this ridiculous headset!

CARTEEN: Y'know, my omniscience is telling me what you're planning.

TAMPO: {with echo} Then you will forget about what your omni thing is telling you. Also, you will stand on the floor like a sitting duck. In other words, stay in one place and do not attack us. Understand?

CARTEEN: {monotone} Yes. Very well.

{Carteen floats to the floor and stands there while Tampo starts charging up a laserball while Gunhaver just watches. Soon, when Tampo looks like he's going to burst, he shoots a laserball thrice his size at Carteen, who gets pulverized in the explosion as he is sent flying through two walls. Tampo and Gunhaver go through the walls and look at Carteen, who is burnt, but still alive.}

CARTEEN: {weakly} I'm... indestructible... losers...

GUNHAVER: Oh right! I forgot! He can recover right now and make our work useless!

TAMPO: {with echo} You will not use your recover move.

{Carteen quickly loses consciousness.}

GUNHAVER: Yes!

TAMPO: {simultaneously} Yes!

{Suddenly, Carteen wakes up with his arms glowing black.}

CARTEEN: But first, EAT THIS!!!

{Before Tampo and Gunhaver can do anything, Carteen shoots his black energy at a portal that instantly materializes. The camera zooms into it and fades to black.}

Part 2 - Universal Bomb

In a desperate final attack, Carteen Sraven creates a time paradox that sets an apocalypse in motion...

{Fade in to a large realm that has a gigantic number of white orbs. A portal opens up from one of the orbs and shoots Carteen's black beams at a portal that opens up at another orb.}

{Cut to the top of a skyscraper at night. Black Laser is standing over Gunhaver with a mechanical claw. Foxface creeps behind Black Laser with her bulletproof handbag. Just as Black Laser is about to attack, a portal appears above them as a black beam vaporizes both Gunhaver and Black Laser, shocking Foxface.}

FOXFACE: Oh dear! I will definitely need therapy after this!

{Then the scene turns dark as there's no sound.}

NARRATOR: And so, Carteen's last-restort "time/space bomb" attack killed Gunhaver and Black Laser. Well, Black Laser's not important, but Gunhaver is.

{Cut to Tampo and Brody inside the ASDF cave, where they wake up, still trapped in the forcefield.}

NARRATOR: Without Gunhaver, Stlunko was unable to save Tampo and Brody, who were killed as soon as they woke up.

{Killer Red burns Tampo into ashes while Killer Blue freezes Brody to death. Cut to Stlunko, who is frozen to square before he is burnt by Killer Red's fire attack.}

NARRATOR: And without Tampo and Brody, Stlunko couldn't use his knowledge that the ASDF had cybergenetic implants to his advantage in time, so he was destroyed.

{Cut to the battle between the Chabarg Commandos and Ultramarine Laser's army.}

NARRATOR: And since there's no Gunhaver to help the Chabarg Commandos even win their battle to save their second-to-last headquarters, they lost the war.

{The scene changes to the Chabarg Commandos chained to each other by energy chains, being led to a pit of fire or Ultramarine Laser's castle by the Ultramarine Underlings. Cut to Carteen (burnt, bruised, and on the floor) with Gunhaver and Tampo.}

NARRATOR: And so, with Gunhaver and Tampo dead, Carteen was never in the dire situation where he needed to kill Gunhaver in the past.

{Cut to Gunhaver and Black Laser on the skyscraper, where all things proceed as usual.}

NARRATOR: And since Carteen didn't need to kill Gunhaver in the past, he lived. This resulted in saving the boss trio from the ASDF, the final battle, and the need for Carteen to kill Gunhaver. The cycle will continue endlessly until the tear it causes in the time/space continual grows so big, it destroys the entire universe, ending all life as we know it.

{A huge explosion is about to start, when suddenly, the "clip" is paused. Cut to Carteen's castle's foyer, where Tampo flies outside.}

TAMPO: {scared} No! He can't be dead! He probably just teleported! How did he just die like that??? Wait... what the...

{Cut to what Tampo is looking at. Instead of an overcast sky, there is a large orange energy shield. Beyond the shield is what looks like an explosion paused after it started. The Ultramarine Underlings are running away to Carteen's castle while the Chabarg Commandos, as well as Brody and Stlunko, are fleeing to the Chabarg Commandos Headquarters. Tampo flies to follow them.}

{Cut to a large room in the headquarters, where all of the Chabarg Commandos are running around crazily in fear. Only Brody, Stlunko, and Dr. Reynolds are calm as they are looking at a holographic computer. Tampo flies over to them.}

TAMPO: Guys! Guys! What is happening??? {to Dr. Reynolds} Who are you?

DR. REYNOLDS: Dr. Reynolds. Anyway, long story short, because of some sort of time-paradox, there's a rip in the time/space continual, destroying the universe and creating an apo...

BRODY: We know about that. Just get to the point!

DR. REYNOLDS: Alright. Fortunately, there is a way to save the universe, and seeing that {to Tampo} you are the only one with mind control powers here, and seeing that everyone else is panicking, you're going to save the universe.

TAMPO: That sounds like we're some sort of superheroes or something.

DR. REYNOLDS: Good. Now, Stlunko, I hope you know more about Gunhaver now.

STLUNKO: I have found his profile on the InstaNet.

DR. REYNOLDS: Good. Now, you are going to go to the Cheat Commandos Headquarters and confront Gunhaver before he goes to where he gets killed by Ultramarine Laser, or Carteen. However, I'm going to send you to a place nearby so Stlunko can teach you about Gunhaver so you can force Gunhaver not to make the mistakes that ultimately lead to this events through mind control. Also, make sure that nobody remembers your existance in 2005, for that'll create too much discord.

BRODY: That's great, but how are we going to go to the past? Time travel?

DR. REYNOLDS: No, by the use of the Butterfly Effect Machine's successor, the Butterfly Effect Program. Now before you go, I think you might need this.

{He tosses a radio-like object to Stlunko, who catches the small devise and then conceals it.}

DR. REYNOLDS: I learned of your disabilities right before bringing you over here, and I had someone quickly custom-fit this radio jammer to match the frequency of the microchips implanted in your body. Very complicated frequency. Took a lot of advanced technology for him to duplicate.

STLUNKO: Thanks.

{Dr. Reynolds types something in on the holographic keyboard, making Tampo, Brody, and Stlunko disappear in a flash of light.}

{Cut to Gunhaver on the phone in a room in the Cheat Commandos HQ.}

GUNHAVER: Well, go ahead. Vaporize them. Except for Foxface. I don't like the rest, and Arr...

{Suddenly, there's an explosion as the phone, Gunhaver, and the table holding the phone and a vase are sent flying away by the explosion. When the smoke clears, Tampo, Brody, and Stlunko enter through a large hole made in the wall and move towards Gunhaver, who regains consciousness by the entrance to his computer room. When he looks at the boss trio, he gives out a yelp before standing up and getting out his pistol.}

GUNHAVER: Stand back! I have a gun!

BLAST MAVERICK: {off-screen} You said you didn't have a gun, Liar McLiar!

{Cut to Stlunko, Brody, and Tampo facing Gunhaver.}

STLUNKO: Calm down. We do not intend to harm you.

{Suddenly, there's a gunshot as Brody contracts his neck to dodge a bullet aimed at him.}

BRODY: Scratch that. We do intend to harm you.

{Brody kicks Gunhaver flying into his computer room through a wall. Then Stlunko's fist hovers some feet above Gunhaver, threatening to fall on him.}

GUNHAVER: Okay! Fine! I {shudders} give up!

{The boss trio approach Gunhaver.}

STLUNKO: Tampo, when you use your mind control powers, remember that you should do the entire process and not get cut off in the middle. Doing so will render the target unconscious, and Gunhaver is needed to save the Cheat Commandos from a dire situation.

GUNHAVER: Mind control???

TAMPO: Don't worry. I'll be quick.

{Then Tampo firmly stares at Gunhaver while the antennas on his headset charge a very large amount of electricity.}

TAMPO: {with echoes} Once this is over, you will forget about our existance and think that someone broke a hole in the wall, but you must forever remember what we are about to tell you.

GUNHAVER: {in trance} Okay.

TAMPO: {with echoes} First, you must tell Arrowhaver that you are still his friend. If you don't, he will try to murder you, join Blue Laser, and create a big mess.

GUNHAVER: {in trance} Okay.

TAMPO: {with echoes} Second, you must NEVER insult Contestro Sevornkey, particularly about his name, for he has a short temper and will forever hate you, causing his descendant to be evil and nearly destroy the universe.

GUNHAVER: {in trance} What a close call. Okay.

TAMPO: {with echoes} Third, uh... if your computer gets destroyed in some freakish accident, get an Alpha 1260.

GUNHAVER: {in trance} I was planning to get one a week ago.

TAMPO: {normally} What else?

BRODY: Ooh! Make him make Reynold go on missions, say Firebert's commando name is the best, and treat the Cheat Commandos equally!

TAMPO: Why?

STLUNKO: This may result in a Gunhaver who will probably not create havoc.

TAMPO: Okay. {with echo} Finally...

{Suddenly, there is a big, multicolored flash as Tampo, Brody, and Stlunko disappears. Gunhaver regains consciousness.}

GUNHAVER: Whoa. What a headache. I think I need to lie down.

{Gunhaver faints.}

{Cut back to 20X6 in Tampo's universe. The cave's entrance is nearby. A big, multicolored flash appears and Tampo, Brody and Stlunko are back.}

TAMPO: Okay... we're back home! Yay!

BRODY: I guess that means everythings fine with those guys, huh?

STLUNKO: You mended the time/space continual back together and it corrected itself. The resulting shock waves sent all mixed up matter back to its appropiate universe and time period.

TAMPO: So we're back here...

STLUNKO: ...and the portable jammer and mind control device warped back to their appropiate time period in the other universe.

TAMPO: Which stinks. That mind control power would have been useful against Saargtsson.

BRODY: So I guess it's a happy ending for all those little Chabarg guys, huh? Seems like the contineeum-thing agrees with whatever happened.

SAARGTSSON: {offscreen, yelling} TAMPO!!! BRODY!!! SSSTLUNKO!!! WHERE THE CRAP DID YOU GUYSSSSSS GO?! COME HERE THISSSSSS INSSSTANT!!!

TAMPO: This stinks. We just saved a universe, and we get no reward at all.

STLUNKO: We do not know that.

{Fade to a scene with muted rainbow colors. Some text of the wall reads "Universe Headmaster Diplomacy Chamber", with "J05H-ooa" written on the left and "S-S-S4M" on the right. There's a echo-y voice on each side, with the speaker unseen. Whenever one of them speaks, their side glows a bit.}

S-S-S4M DIPLOMAT: They saved my universe. They deserve a reward for such heroism.

J05H-ooa DIPLOMAT: {sighs} We've been over this. Alright, I'll pull some strings and see if we can reward them.

S-S-S4M DIPLOMAT: Remember, they are heroes. We ran out of backup plans; the universe would have doomed if they hadn't been there.

J05H-ooa DIPLOMAT: I doubt that. However, I will see what I can do.

S-S-S4M DIPLOMAT: {annoyed} That's what you said a year ago, back in 30X1.

J05H-ooa DIPLOMAT: I think it will be different this time. I also feel that they deserve a reward, and I have a plan...

{Fade to a large 30X2 palace. Master Sticklyman Jr., a fully grown stick figure in a long, royal robe is sitting on the throne. 30X2 Tampo, Brody and Stlunko are below, in silent reverance. Tampo and Brody now have a few cyborg implants. There are a bunch of guards standing around.}

MASTER STICKLYMAN JR.: Tampo, Brody and Stlunko. It has come to my attention that you are heroes in a foreign universe, a universe which is allied with ours. I have decided to reward you with some territory. You know that big shiny thing up in the sky?

30X2 TAMPO: The moon?

MASTER STICKLYMAN JR.: If you say so. Anyway, it's yours. The whole thing is now your land to rule.

30X2 TAMPO: Cool.

30X2 BRODY: {whispering} Today the moon, tomorrow the planet, and then, the universe!

30X2 TAMPO: {laughs, sarcastic} Yeah, right.

MASTER STICKLYMAN JR.: The deed to the moon is waiting for you outside. Now begone.

30X2 STLUNKO: Let us go.

{The three turn and leave. Fade back to the boss trio in 20X6.}

SAARGTSSON: {calling, offscreen} TAMPOOOOOOOO!!!!

TAMPO: Like I said, no reward at all.

{Cut to the SaargtScreen.}

A:/> Click here to email Tampo.

Easter Eggs

Click on the SaargtScreen's support pole to see one of three easter eggs in sequence.

Easter Egg #1

{Cut to an empty Universe Headmaster Diplomacy Chamber.}

NARRATOR: This episode was brought to you by the under-referenced fanstuff corperation.

{Stinkoman drops onscreen and points at the camera.}

STINKOMAN: It has come to my attention that you SUUUUCCCKKKK!!!!! {zooms past the camera}

NARRATOR: This has been another under-referenced fanstuff moment.

Easter Egg #2

{Cut to an empty Universe Headmaster Diplomacy Chamber.}

NARRATOR: This episode was brought to you by the under-referenced fanstuff corperation.

{A ghostly Tandy appears with the Bad Graphics Ghost in it, filling up a little of the screen.}

NARRATOR: ...and a game called "Ghost_Flyer.exe." {actually says "underscore," "Ghost_Flyer.exe" appears onscreen} And when you press the up button you go up!

{On the Tandy, the Bad Graphics Ghost goes up.}

NARRATOR: This has been another under-referenced fanstuff moment.

Easter Egg #3

{Cut to an empty Universe Headmaster Diplomacy Chamber.}

NARRATOR: This episode was brought to you by the under-referenced fanstuff corperation.

{Harvax XVII runs in with his gun. He looks around briefly and then points his gun at the camera.}

HARVAX XVII: Wait a minute! Aren't you that guy who owes me five yen for fixing the squeaky door on your mailbox?

NARRATOR: Well, yes, but—

HARVAX XVII: I'll get you!

NARRATOR: Oh crap!

{Harvax starts shooting his laser beam to someone behind the camera. One shot hits the camera and it fizzes before cutting back to the SaargtScreen.}

Fun Facts

This email is a crossover with Other Character Email Gunhaver. It takes place within the events of Act V and Act VI in Gunhaver Email #75: "Paradox."
Joshua, the author of Tampo Emails, and Shim-Sham-Sam, the author of Gunhaver Emails, planned and designed this email together. Joshua wrote the part before the fight with Gunhaver, except for the large Chabarg battle. He also wrote the part after the boss trio's return home. The rest was written by Shim-Sham-Sam.
The boss trio's mention of visiting 30X2 refers to Tampo Email #10: "future."
The past fightscene that Carteen interupts is from Gunhaver Email #25: "Black Laser."
The entire apocalypse description scene with the narrator is based on a similar scene from Tampo Email #25: "apocalypse."
Master Sticklyman Jr. is a reference to the character Sticklyman Jr. from 1-Up Emails, but they are not the same.
The quotes "You know that big shiny thing up in the sky?" "The moon?" "If you say so." is based on a quote from the cartoon series Catscratch.
The first easter egg features a running gag from Con email.exe.
The second easter egg features a game and quote from Bad Graphics Ghost Email #4: "computer program."
Some of the third easter egg's dialogue is taken from Comic #6 of Shopiom's Second Stinkocomic.

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Other Character Email Tampo/chabarg

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

Contents

Transcript

Part 1 - Chabarg Battle

Part 2 - Universal Bomb

Easter Eggs

Fun Facts

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