Other Character Email Gunhaver/Ragnarok
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
Contents |
Summary
The Legion of Bane is taking over the world. Once again, it is up to Gunhaver to stop them. However, he is alone. Moreso, the chances of victory are bleak.
Cast (in order of appearance): Voices, Black Laser, Shadow, Max, Gunhaver, Jewel, Frostbite, Blast Maverick, fCon Ninjas, Silent Rip, Crackotage, Reinforcements, Fightgar, Alpha Stan, Gyro (voice only), Arrowhaver, Ripberger, Firebert, Foxface, Flashfight, Power Punch, Steve, NAGSI Guards, NAGSI Professor, Reynold, Blue Laser Minions,
Lines: 623 Lines
Page Title: Alpha 1260 - Series Finale
Transcript
Act I: Betrayal
{Cut to a foggy background. Ominous music plays. Faint voices can be heard.}
VOICE: {voice only} DESTROY!!! DESTROY!!! DESTROY!!! LEAVE NONE ALIVE!!!
VOICE #2: {voice only} NO!!!! PLEASE! HAVE MERC... {laser blast is heard}
{Faint screams, explosions, and more laser blasts are heard. Black Laser's manic laughter can be heard. Then the fog clears to reveal the following logo, which says "GEmail C: Ragnarok".}
{Fade to black. Cut to a silver room with several machines and lights. There's a wall with two screens on both sides of larger screen, and a large keyboard. Black Laser, who is sitting on a floating chair, floats to the said wall and presses a blue button on the keyboard. Shadow and Max appear on the two screens beside the larger screens.}
BLACK LASER: Legion members. I trust that things are going as planned.
SHADOW: Our clients are deceived. Our only opponents, the Cheat Commandos, are currently helpless. If things go as planned, we should actually be rooting for them.
BLACK LASER: Great. Max?
MAX: The "infected" military machines and my ninjas, who are using the Cheat Commandos' weapons, are wreaking havoc everywhere.
BLACK LASER: Nobody suspects our activities, right?
MAX: If they do, they're too busy dying.
BLACK LASER: Perfect. However, I have some bad news. You notice that Blue Laser is not with us. He failed us. Gunhaver escaped.
MAX: What???
SHADOW: That insolent piece of crap!
BLACK LASER: I know, but Shadow, do you remember the emergency plan to be used in case Gunhaver escapes?
{Pause.}
SHADOW: Yes, but...
BLACK LASER: Don't doubt me. Just execute the plan. If all goes well, we don't need to worry about Gunhaver anymore. Now, we only have a few hours until Operation Ragnarok's final phase is complete, but I don't want any of you to leave your posts until I give you the signal. Anyway, discussion over!
{The screen turns off.}
{Cut to the Cheat Commandos HQ. Gunhaver crashes through the front door.}
SILENT RIP: {off-screen} Sir! You're back!
{Silent Rip runs onscreen.}
SILENT RIP: Sir! We thought that you were dead! Fightgar is finding some fireworks for mourning!
GUNHAVER: Fireworks for mourning???
SILENT RIP: Yes. The Cheat Rangers didn't include the fireworks in their box of weapons and gadgets they gave us!
GUNHAVER: The Cheat Rangers???
SILENT RIP: Yeah, those guys! Let me show you the box!
{Cut to a dark room. Crackotage is there, listening to a cPod. There's a cardboard box on the floor. There's a window that shows Jewel, Frostbite, and Blast Maverick running past, shooting their guns. Silent Rip and Gunhaver walk onscreen.}
CRACKOTAGE: Gunhaver, you're back, healthy as an ox! You can get some weapons and gadgets, just like my new cPod, from the box! He-he-hah-hah!
GUNHAVER: That's great. I'm going to need some weapons that create some great destruction so I can fight against the Le... {looks at the box} Did you, by any chance, get the return address, or anything?
SILENT RIP: The delivery guy said that it's from the Cheat Rangers?
{Gunhaver examines some of the weapons in the box. Soon, he throws them onto a wall.}
GUNHAVER: Drop your weapons now! These are obviously sent to us from the Legion of Bane!
SILENT RIP: Don't you mean the Legion of Sane?
GUNHAVER: NO! These weapons are evil! EVIL!
REINFORCEMENTS: {off-screen} Drop it, Gunhaver. You need to face the fact that you have to stop it with your insanity and be satisfied with our new weapons.
{Reinforcements and Fightgar walk onscreen. Reinforcements has a new rocket launcher backpack and Fightgar has a new machine gun.}
FIGHTGAR: Yeah! Do you really want to fight against this legion with your bare fists?
GUNHAVER: Well, I had a shard of glass back there.
REINFORCEMENTS: Anyway, we should pack everything up. I think we should get some stuff from Gyro's lab and leave Gunhaver's computer behi...
GUNHAVER: Are you crazy??? I NEED that computer to check emails! Speaking of which, I'm going to check one right now!
REINFORCEMENTS: We're in a dire state of emergency! Our lives are at stake! The world is at stake! And you're just going to check your email for your "fandom"???
GUNHAVER: Yes.
{Gunhaver walks off-screen.}
{Cut to Gunhaver in front of the Alpha 1260.}
GUNHAVER: {singing} GEMAIL! The greatest thing of all time! Wow! Positate without pizzazz and jam! Whoa! I'm just owing it to society! Yeah! Go GEMAIL! Go GEMAIL! GEMAIL!!! {pause} Maybe I should make another rock opera. It's been a long time... like 50 emails...
{Alpha Stan abruptly appears on the screen.}
No. Dear Cornbread, NO!
GUNHAVER: {angrily} Fine! Make my day worse!
This is supposed to be a landmark email. Instead of getting a cool email, I'll give you this.
{The following email appears on the screen.}
Subject: 787878787yo gunmunfunbunrun, has matt seen the vide oh yet?
-20Y6
GUNHAVER: Bad Alpha Stan! You gave me crap! How am I supposed to know if Matt has seen a... "vide"... Oh!... yet? I mean, 20Y6 has typed my name wrong! Actually, forget that understatement! 20Y6 SABOTAGED my name! Allow me to reply! {typing} Well, 2-Zero-Brain-6, I don't care if Matt has seen a "vide-oh!" or jumped into a well! I expected a deus ex machina to come from this email, for the Cheat Commandos are not only accused as criminals, but the Legion of Bane is going to take over the world! When you read this, I command you to have a horse kick your head three days straight!
{Gunhaver presses a button.}
GUNHAVER: REPLY SENT!
{Suddenly, Alpha Stan appears on the screen. When his mouth moves, Gyro's voice is heard.}
ALPHA STAN: {in Gyro's voice} Gunhaver. Can you hear me? Before you are alarmed to think that this computer is infected with a virus, let me tell you that it's a recorded message I programmed into the computer, which is what I do best.
GUNHAVER: I'm sure it is... and you were never wel... oh right, recorded message... Gyro dead...
ALPHA STAN: {in Gyro's voice} By the time you are listening to this after typing the correct words needed to trigger this message, I am dead and the Legion of Bane has started taking over the world with Operation Ragnarok, which is a reference to the apocalypse, the end of the world.
GUNHAVER: Get to the good part already!
ALPHA STAN: {in Gyro's voice} By this time, I'm sure you'll have lost your patience and begun demanding me to get to the good part. And so, I shall. Using the pseudonym "20Y6", something I thought up in a second, I have sent you an email with a password in the subject line. If you forgot or read the email without any thought, I will repeat the password: 787878787.
GUNHAVER: Neat, but what does it do?
ALPHA STAN: {in Gyro's voice} You may be wondering what the password does. In my lab, there is a door sealed off to all who don't know the password. Punch the password into the keypad by the door, and you'll find something very useful and trustworthy that can help you very much in fighting against the Legion of Bane. I want you to get the object in the secret room, for I suspect that no other Cheat Commando can be trusted anymore. Corruption is powerful.
{Cut to Silent Rip, Reinforcements, Fightgar, and Crackotage in the room with the box of weapons.}
SILENT RIP: You disagree with him a lot these days, Reinforcements sir.
REINFORCEMENTS: {angrily} Cornbread, I just can't STAND him at all these days! He's extremely inefficient, arrogant, and just doesn't give a CRAP about ANYTHING!
{Reinforcements seethes with anger.}
REINFORCEMENTS: It's come to this at last... I need to take action... Fightgar, give me your gun.
FIGHTGAR: No. I'll give you another one. We'll get him together.
{Cut to Gunhaver in front of the Alpha 1260. Gyro's recorded message is still playing.}
GUNHAVER: So, can I go now?
ALPHA STAN: {in Gyro's voice} I'm sure that by this time, you want to leave. But first, I must give you this informatoin which will be beneficial to your cause. I want to tell you Shadow's identity, which I have failed to do probably by now. Now, don't be surprised, but I have to tell you that Shadow is-
{Suddenly, a blast is heard from off-screen. Gunhaver screams as he quickly ducks. A spray of bullets flies into the Alpha 1260 screen, shattering it and ending Gyro's message. The rotors in the computer are still moving.}
ALPHA STAN: {faint voice only} B-b-b-b-b-b-e-e-e... g-g-g-g-ood...
{Suddenly, the Alpha 1260 explodes, incinerating the table it was on. Gunhaver gets up on the floor.}
GUNHAVER: NO!!!! MY BELOVED COMPUTER THAT HAD SASS! WHO WOULD HAVE DONE THIS???
REINFORCEMENTS: {off-screen} Gunhaver, please get real. You think after all this, we still tolerate you?
{Reinforcements and Fightgar walk onscreen, holding machine guns.}
GUNHAVER: Uh... guys? Are you all right?
{Suddenly, Fightgar shoots bullets at Gunhaver, who ducks again.}
GUNHAVER: Maybe not. Look, can you continue trying to kill me after I visit Gyro's lab?
REINFORCEMENTS: No, and let me assure you that we aren't planning to waste any more bullets missing.
GUNHAVER: Well, you're going to catch me first before I get allies!
{Gunhaver runs off-screen. Fightgar is about to shoot bullets out of his machine gun when Reinforcements stops him.}
REINFORCEMENTS: Wait. I have a plan.
{Cut to Gyro's lab. Gunhaver runs to a metal door and punches in "787878787" in the keypad, opening the door. A pedestal with a futuristic silver gun and a folded piece of paper is seen. Gunhaver goes to the pedestal, picks up the piece of paper, and reads it.}
GUNHAVER: {reading} Dear Trusted Person, This is a very powerful and advanced gun that uses antimatter for energy. It can vaporize most abiotic objects and stun all organisms. Use it in a state of emergency, which I assume it is by now, considering you know my password. I hope you know where to go. Gyro. P.S. The gun takes a long time to load to be turned on. Oops.
{Gunhaver takes the gun and pushes a button. The gun begins to vibrate.}
GUNHAVER: Now, where am I supposed to go... ahh...
{Cut to a flashback where a large laser gun with a logo is seen, pointing at Gunhaver. Zoom in on the logo to reveal that it says "NAGSI". Cut back to Gunhaver in Gyro's lab.}
GUNHAVER: Can't believe I forgot about that place, considering that they tortured me a lot...
{As Gunhaver puts the gun in his coat pocket, an arrow flies into Gunhaver's hat. Tense, dramatic music starts to play as Arrowhaver walks onscreen with a compound bow, pointing it at Gunhaver's head.}
ARROWHAVER: I regret not deciding to shoot you with a poison dart one year ago.
GUNHAVER: Oh... crap... my best friend... I regret denying that you're a psychopath. See ya!
{Gunhaver quickly punches Arrowhaver, catching him by surprise, before running off-screen.}
{Cut to Gunhaver running down a corridor.}
GUNHAVER: Crap! Three more have betrayed me! I wish this gun would load faster!
REINFORCEMENTS: {off-screen} GET HIM! GET HIM!!! KILL HIM!! HACK HIM TO PIECES!!!
{Gunhaver opens and door and runs into it just before he's hit by knives, bullets, missiles, and arrows.}
REINFORCEMENTS: {off-screen} OH COME ON! WHAT... DO WE HAVE THE STORMTROOPER SYNDROME, OR WHAT???
GUNHAVER: {from the room} NOT YOU TOO!!!
FOXFACE: {from the room} You were a very horrible and boring boyfriend! Why didn't you stay on that island???
{Breaking glass and Foxface's scream are heard. Reinforcements, Fightgar, Ripberger, Arrowhaver, Crackotage, and Firebert run onscreen. Reinforcements kicks the door open.}
REINFORCEMENTS: {from the room} Drat. He made Foxface go unconscious by breaking her favorite bottle of makeup. That guy's good, unfortunately.
{Cut to the inside of the room. There's a broken mirror, bottles of makeup, and glass shards on the floor. Foxface is on the ground, unconscious, holding a bottle of dark liquid.}
ARROWHAVER: That's one slippery jerk we're dealing with.
FIGHTGAR: Let's split up!
REINFORCEMENTS: We can do more damage that way!
CRACKOTAGE: We can do that just like the Ghostbusters, then we can destroy all of Gunhaver's lusters! He-he-{evilly}HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
{The other conscious Cheats in the room look at Crackotage with weirded-out expressions on their faces. Then they run out of the room, leaving Firebert behind. Suddenly, Gunhaver falls from above and punches Firebert in the head, knocking him unconscious.}
GUNHAVER: Thank goodness for the broken ceiling panelling. Now, to get to get out of here...
{Gunhaver pulls the bottle of dark liquid out of Foxface's hands and throws it at a wall, burning a hole in it. Then he goes through it.
{Cut to a hallway. Silent Rip is seen standing onscreen. Gunhaver runs to him.}
GUNHAVER: Silent Rip! I need your help! You're my most loyal and favorite commando, right?
{Silent Rip turns around and faces Gunhaver, pointing a machine gun at his head.}
SILENT RIP: No... not anymore...
{Gunhaver has an expression of shock on his face.}
GUNHAVER: No... not you too... my...
{Gunhaver falls to the floor, slouching.}
SILENT RIP: {yelling} HE'S IN HERE! HE'S IN THIS CORRIDOR!!
{Sad music begins to play as Reinforcements, Fightgar, Arrowhaver, Ripberger, Firebert, and Crackotage run onscreen with their weapons.}
REINFORCEMENTS: Ah, good job, Silent Rip. I knew he's be too foolish to trust you.
{Gunhaver holds his hands up in the air.}
GUNHAVER: {resigned} Just kill me, now. I deserve everything you say I do.
{Reinforcements holds his machine gun at Gunhaver's head. He is about to pull the trigger when a gunshots from off-screen are heard. Suddenly, Ripberger and Firebert are shocked with electricity before they fall to the floor unconscious. Flashfight, holding two Tasers runs onscreen.}
FLASHFIGHT: Gunhaver! Run! You know what to do!
{Gunhaver runs down the corridor as Flashfight shoots at Crackotage and Reinforcements, who shoot back.}
{Cut to a large, grey room where all Cheat Commandos vehicles are stored. Gunhaver runs to the Action Figure Storage Truck, the only vehicle remaining in the room. Before he can get in, footsteps are heard entering the room. Gunhaver turns around and sees a manic Reinforcements, an eager Fightgar, and a nervous but determined Silent Rip enter the room with their weapons drawn. Flashfight's unconscious body is seen behind them.}
REINFORCEMENTS: Trying to escape? I only need to release one spray of bullets to deflate the tires or, for some Hollywood-derived reason, blow the truck up.
{Suddenly, beeping is heard from Gunhaver's coat pocket. Gunhaver gets Gyro's gun out of the pocket.}
MECHANIZED VOICE: {from gun} Loading complete. You are now free to blast the crap out of everything.
GUNHAVER: Excellent.
{Gunhaver points the gun at Reinforcements, Fightgar, and Silent Rip while turning some dials on the gun at the same time.}
REINFORCEMENTS: Are you going to shoot us? You know that we were your friends. Seriously, shouldn't some of your personal life prevent you from shooting us?
FIGHTGAR: You're going to miss.
{Suddenly, Gunhaver shoots a large beam on the floor in front of Reinforcements, Fightgar, and Silent Rip, creating a large explosion. When the smoke clears, Reinforcements, Fightgar, and Silent Rip are on the floor, unconscious.}
GUNHAVER: I never miss. Why do you think I'm called "Gunhaver"?
{Fade to black. The following message appears.}
And that's the first act. Use this intermission to browse on your other Internet window or on other websites, because you're probably bored of reading this long email, eh?
Act II: Shadowy Desires
{Cut to the new NAGSI Headquarters. Power Punch and Steve are shown lying unconscious and beaten up on the ground. The Action Figure Storage Truck Gunhaver's driving, going at a very high speed, crashes into the front gate of the building, only damaging the truck. Gunhaver gets out of the truck with Gyro's gun in his hand.}
GUNHAVER: Freakin' nerds. I should have expected this from NAGSI. Oh well, I'll do this the old-fashioned way.
{Gunhaver shoots the gate, completely vaporizing it. Alarms are heard. NAGSI guards, who don't look like nerds or geeks in any way, run up to Gunhaver with advanced guns drawn. Gunhaver simply shoots them all, knocking them all unconscious. A NAGSI professor runs onscreen, looking shocked at the sight.}
GUNHAVER: Look, you nerd. Do I need to say what I'm going to do to you with this gun if you don't take me to Shadow—who I know you're working for—like a nerd or geek? With all the scientific crap?
NAGSI PROFESSOR: {scared} N-n-n-n-n-o... follow me.
{Cut to a large, futuristic room with an open roof. In the room are two, triangular, yellow rockets that have Cheat prints on them. Shadow and Max, who are both wearing metalic vests with buttons, are standing in front of the rockets. Suddenly, a laser blast is heard. Cut to the entrance of the room, where Gunhaver walks inside, holding his gun. The unconscious NAGSI professor is lying on the floor behind Gunhaver. Cut back to Shadow and Max.}
SHADOW: {to Max} Go! Go! I'll take care of this scum!
GUNHAVER: {off-screen} Scum???
{Max runs into a rocket, which silently blasts off. Shadow and Gunhaver tensely walk towards each other with tense music playing. Gunhaver is pointing his gun at Shadow.}
GUNHAVER: Don't underestimate me. I'm armed.
SHADOW: Nonsense. You showed that you couldn't fight me at all the last time we fought.
GUNHAVER: Actually, there's some supernatural cause that prevented me from fighting you properly then. It felt like fighting F... Wait... I think I am starting to know who you are.
SHADOW: Cheers.
{Shadow gets out a machine gun and shoots at Gunhaver, who rolls out of the way. Then Gunhaver shoots three lasers at Shadow, who quickly dodges them all with great agility.}
GUNHAVER: So, you were the one who sent the weapons to the Cheat Commandos?
SHADOW: Why do you ask?
GUNHAVER: Because you've turned my friends against me!
SHADOW: It's what I do best. Yes, and I have no regrets. Nor do I have any regrets in killing or maiming or beating up the members of the Cheat Rangers.
GUNHAVER: How violent...
{Suddenly, Gunhaver shoots at Shadow, who jumps into the air and shoots bullets at the metal floor around Gunhaver, causing sparks to fly around Gunhaver, preventing him from moving. Then Shadow jumps to Gunhaver and whacks him in the face with Shadow's gun.}
SHADOW: No, I believe you only marginally improved.
GUNHAVER: Well, there's something you should know.
SHADOW: What?
GUNHAVER: Gyro did a great job doing some programming on the Action Figure Storage Truck.
SHADOW: Wha...
{Suddenly, the slightly ruined Action Figure Storage Truck rams into Shadow, who is sent flying into a wall. Gunhaver stands up.}
GUNHAVER: So, are you dead?
{Shadow does a backflip to get up on the floor.}
SHADOW: {in slight pain} No. Do you think this vest is just for decoration? This is Black Laser's completion of the Prototype Gyro's supposed to make for us: A vest that allows the wearer to be invincible and live forever. We will need it for the new world?
GUNHAVER: What new world?
SHADOW: I'm sorry. There will be two new worlds in a few hours from now. The Legion's and the NECROPOLIS!!!
{Shadow shoots a spray of bullets at Gunhaver. Gunhaver quickly shoots at the bullets with his gun, creating big explosions that knock Gunhaver and Shadow onto the floor. Then Gunhaver and Shadow get up and run at each other, shooting at each other with their weapons, missing all of the time. Then Gunhaver lands a hit on Shadow's vest, creating a little dent.}
SHADOW: You think that destroying the vest will kill me?
GUNHAVER: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Don't get the wrong idea. I just wanted to distract you so I can do this!
{Gunhaver quickly shoots at Shadow's machine gun, vaporizing it. Then Gunhaver puts the gun in his right coat pocket.}
GUNHAVER: That's your average gunslinging Gunhaver, loser!
SHADOW: Hmm... impressive... you have improved... However, there's one flaw in your plan... aside from your overconfidence...
{Shadow gets out a second machine gun.}
SHADOW: I'm more prepared than you!
{Shadow shoots a spray of bullets at Gunhaver. Gunhaver quickly turns to the left to run away from the blast. However, he isn't fast enough. The bullets strike Gunhaver and send Gunhaver flying into a wall. Then Shadow walks to Gunhaver.}
SHADOW: It's been nice knowing you. You were fun and slightly competent. You were the only one who was a threat to our plans due to Gyro's trust in you. But, hasta la vista...
{Suddenly, Gunhaver gets up and punches a button on the vest, making electricity shock Shadow, giving Shadow great pain for ten seconds, greatly weakening Shadow.}
GUNHAVER: Too bad that you don't trust Gyro as I do. He makes great bulletproof guns. Also, it's too bad that you still trust Black Laser, the type of guy who... hey... you're vulnerable now! I'll see if my speculation on who you are is correct!
{Gunhaver grabs Shadow's mask and rips it off, revealing a sweaty Jewel with a voice scrambler and a hairstyle made to look like Shadow's "hair".}
GUNHAVER: Hmm... I guess I did guess right after all.
JEWEL: {panting} Crap... all is ruined...
GUNHAVER: Okay, so I know who you are... but why did you do all this? It sounds very complicated.
JEWEL: Why do you think? I betrayed the Cheat Commandos for the same reason Reinforcements would have done the same thing: YOU!
GUNHAVER: What, is this a crappy thing like I am a horrible squad leader who sent the Cheat Commandos to its decline?
JEWEL: YES! I just couldn't stand everything that you did! Lazing off and checking emails while you gave away our money and weapons to the enemy! So obviously, the dark side was my only option of prosperity and wealth, which is why I had Max be a partner of mine.
GUNHAVER: And what about Blue Laser and Black Laser? Thought you couldn't do anything by yourself?
JEWEL: {panting} Shut up! Of course I could've done everything myself... After all, I did get all the money I needed from the bank robbery... but then I came upon some archives that gave me some facts about Black Laser aside from the drivel Flashfight gave us, and I thought that there's some kind of loophole that could be made from time travel. You saw me take Black Laser to the present.
{Jewel attempts to get up, but fails.}
GUNHAVER: Tell me more. From the looks of things, Black Laser's the leader, even though you started it all!
JEWEL: {panting} Well, Black Laser told me of his master plans that is what we're putting into action right now. Obviously, since he thought of everything, he was in charge... sometimes, I regret doing that... but I hope Black Laser didn't hear me.
GUNHAVER: And what about Gyro?
JEWEL: WHY SHOULD I TELL YOU EVERYTHING???
{Gunhaver points his gun at Jewel.}
JEWEL: Fine. I just took advantage of being Gyro's "girlfriend" to use his inventions for the Legion of Bane. However, later, Gyro found out about my evil involvements. So, seeing that the time has come, I forced Gyro to make the invincibility vest if he didn't want his family members to be killed. However, since he was getting treacherous and was refusing the make the Prototype, kidnapping was necessary. I have no regrets for all the pain I gave him.
GUNHAVER: And about the Cheat Commandos being the criminals... you did it, right?
JEWEL: To be specific, you did it when you destroyed Beta Oyster, who would've made things simpler by simply hacking into the military machines. Instead, Max managed to use manipulation and secondhand programming. It was all to put the world into confusion so that they the world won't retaliate until it's too late.
GUNHAVER: I see... and by Cheat Rangers, you mean that one group Frostbite made?
JEWEL: Yes. I had to get rid of them to go to my post. The world is going to end in a few hours, and I need to go into that rocket NOW!
GUNHAVER: Not if I can help it!
BLACK LASER: {from PA system} No, don't help. I'll take care of this trash myself.
JEWEL: {terrified} WAIT!!! NO!!!!
{Suddenly, Jewel gets shocked in electricity coming from the vest.}
GUNHAVER: I can't watch this!
{Gunhaver runs to the remaining rocket in the room just when there's an explosion from behind him. Gunhaver quickly closes the rocket door.}
{Cut to a control room in the rocket. There is a bunch of flashing buttons on the keyboard. Gunhaver looks at them with apprehension.}
GUNHAVER: Uh... this looks very complicated! What if I mess things up??? Why can't they do things with just one button???
MECHANIZED VOICE: {from keyboard} One button mode? Okay.
{Suddenly, all buttons on the keyboard are replaced by a big, red button labeled "AUTOPILOT".}
GUNHAVER: {happily} Technology rules!
{Gunhaver presses the button. Cut to the room. Jewel is unconscious on the floor with a burnt vest smoking. The rocket silently blasts off. Fade to black.}
Intermission
{Cut to the following.}
Meanwhile, what is Reynold doing?
{Cut to Reynold's apartment. Reynold clumsily walks inside.}
REYNOLD: {drowsily} Man. Going to an island ruled by Gunhaver and going back home in a hijacked milkman boat and helicopter and running away from a kidnapper in the Cheat Commandos Headquarters Playset while there's a big war sure is exhausting. I think I'm going to go to bed for the next hours...
{Reynold opens a door and goes into the room. Snoring is heard two seconds later. Fade to black.}
Act III: Destroying For Life
{Cut to space. Ethereal music starts to play as we are shown asteroids floating through space and ten giant space stations positioned around the planet Earth. Gunhaver's rocket quietly cruises towards the largest and darkest space station. Cut to a control room where Blue Laser minions are looking at Gunhaver's rocket on a large screen. A green crosshair is targeted over the rocket.}
BLUE LASER MINION: {into microphone} Ready to fire when you give us the order, Master.
BLACK LASER: {voice from microphone} No. Don't shoot him. Leave him. If that really is controlled by Gunhaver, I want to kill him personally as a reward for being a pest for this long. If it's controlled by Jewel, I'll kill her personally. Just make sure that there's no opposition given to the newcomer. I can't afford to lose robots now.
{Cut to Black Laser's silver room. Black Laser, who is wearing a vest identical to the one Jewel was wearing, walks away from a microphone and walks to Max, who is wearing an astronaut suit.}
BLACK LASER: Now, Gunhaver's coming, and I want to test this... cannon that I want to use on Gunhaver just in case he's too dangerous to me.
MAX: I see, sir, but... why am I in an astronaut suit... and what is this little...
{Suddenly, a door slides shut between Black Laser and Max, with the entire room behind Black Laser.}
MAX: {scared} What is the meaning of this???
BLACK LASER: You don't know my true personality. Besides, it's too costly for you to live too. Now, have fun exploring space!
{Black Laser goes to a lever on the wall and pulls it down. Max's screaming is heard as an airlock opening and releasing air is heard. Just then, Gunhaver, holding his gun, cautiously walks into the room.}
{Cut to the control room in Gunhaver's rocket. Gunhaver is looking at the front window as the rocket is entering the landing bay of Black Laser's space station.}
GUNHAVER: So, thanks for the reception. It was very creepy!
{Black Laser turns around to face Gunhaver.}
BLACK LASER: Good. You came. Now, put the gun down, now.
GUNHAVER: Why should I listen to you? Enemies never listen to each other! But I am going to break one tradition: The one where good guys hesitate to shoot the bad guy when he has the chance!
{Gunhaver shoots a laser blast at Black Laser. Suddenly, Black Laser's vest beeps before it shoots out a beam that hits the laser blast, creating a flash of light.}
BLACK LASER: Annihilation. Isn't it sweet? The vest can do anything, and this time, this isn't sabotaged to kill the wearer, so don't even try.
{Gunhaver shoots a very large, charged energy ball at Black Laser, whose vest shoots out an energy ball of the same size, creating a flash of light and a slight explosion.}
BLACK LASER: Once again, annihilation. And now, Zero G...
{Black Laser goes to the keyboard below the screen and turns a black dial clockwise. Suddenly, Black Laser and Gunhaver float into the air. Black Laser floats to Gunhaver and punches him in the face, slamming Gunhaver into a wall while he drops his gun. Gunhaver and Black Laser both dive to the gun, but then Black Laser shoves Gunhaver out of the way as he grabs the gun. Black Laser prepares to shoot Gunhaver when Gunhaver quickly flies into Black Laser. However, due to Black Laser's vest, Gunhaver is sent flying backwards due in recoil while Black Laser moves only an inch.}
GUNHAVER: {dizzily} Man... I'm dizzy...
BLACK LASER: So Gunhaver, seeing that you can't fight me and I have nothing to do right now, I thought that at this point, you would like to know everything about my master plan...
{Gunhaver looks at the keyboard and back at Black Laser, slowly floating towards the keyboard.}
GUNHAVER: Uh... sure... what the crap is your master plan?
BLACK LASER: Ah... bragging is a bad habit, but I enjoy it. Well, each of the 10 space stations—all made by NAGSI in record time—positioned around the Earth are equipped with big, deadly laser guns that can create so much damage in 1000 miles radii...
GUNHAVER: So what? You're going to blast the Earth to create big craters. And then what, you're going to blame it on us? The Cheat Commandos' publicity's declined well enough. I mean, they turned against me!
BLACK LASER: What do you mean blame it on the Cheat Commandos? The laser blasts will kill them all... {gravely} ...as well as everyone else on the planet... and I'll make sure of that... each of the lasers won't stop with striking a place on the Earth... the lasers will be moved around to increase the damage and the chances of massacre and extinction of every single life on Earth.
GUNHAVER: Whoa... that's scary... dare I ask why?
BLACK LASER: But first, let me ask you this: Why do you strive to save the world? What world are you trying to save? Let me answer for you: A toxic wasteland of hate, evil, and destruction slowly eating away at society... You think your world's so perfect, eh? Well, how can you explain all of the wars, murders, kidnapping, terrorism, abuse, attacks, maimings, racism, prejucide, hate, lies, thievery... The list goes on forever and forever. It's basically, everything that escaped from the box opened by the mindless Pandora...
GUNHAVER: Who? Who's that? Your girlfriend?
BLACK LASER: Never mind that, you ignorant pest... Basically, your world is the definition of evil. You're all blinded by it due to your freakin' PROPAGANDA!!!
{Black Laser pants. Gunhaver continues to float towards the keyboard.}
BLACK LASER: By the way, why do you pick on Blue Laser? All he did was follow an ambitious goal, and you keep on ruining his chances by doing mindless violence!
GUNHAVER: Well, it's fun!
BLACK LASER: FUN??? FUN??? THAT'S THE KIND OF NONSENSE I TRIED TO RID THE WORLD OF WHEN I TRIED TO SLAM THE MOON INTO THE EARTH ALL THOSE YEARS AGO! AND THAT'S THE KIND OF NONSENSE I PLAN TO GET RID OF WITH THESE LASER BLASTS!!!
{Black Laser pants.}
BLACK LASER: In two minutes, when everyone on the planet dies and is replaced by a new, perfect species I, I, who will live forever and unopposed, will rule over! I believe you've experienced a sample of the species before...
GUNHAVER: Um... yes... Guntoshi... so it's going to be a new world of Guntoshi's??? Look, I may have slept through most of my Politics classes, but I know well enough that that's tyranny! And irony!
BLACK LASER: Pfft... you, among the vilest creatures of the planet, have no right to accuse me of tyranny!
GUNHAVER: Well, let me tell you this! Despite everything you said, the world is good, and the Cheat Commandos do help... most of the time... but the point is, you're wrong!
BLACK LASER: No. You're wrong. And what's this "most of the time"? Everything the Cheat Commanods have done have not put the world closer to world peace!
GUNHAVER: Okay, but surely your... uh... Chibilichis won't betray you when they find out how evil you were.
BLACK LASER: Well, the Chibilichis will be brainwashed. Also, history can be rewritten. Furthermore, I'm not evil. I'm actually the "Hope" that came out of Pan— Hey!
{Cut to Gunhaver on the keyboard, turning the black dial controlling gravity in the room counter-clockwise.}
GUNHAVER: That vest looks heavy! Get ready to be crushed!
{However, there's no effect.}
BLACK LASER: Fool. That's touch sensitive! And now...
{Black Laser flies to Gunhaver, grabs him, and throws him to the other side of the room. Gunhaver tries to fly back to Black Laser when Black Laser pushes a green button, causing a door to close, seperating Gunhaver from Black Laser and the rest of the room.}
GUNHAVER: What is this?
BLACK LASER: The end. You are in an airlock with only seconds of your life remaining...
MECHANIZED VOICE: {from keyboard} All space system's lasers are ready to launch.
BLACK LASER: Gunhaver... you have failed...
{Black Laser begins to laugh manically as he goes to the same lever on the wall he used to release Max into space and pulls it down. Gunhaver's screaming is heard as an airlock opening and releasing air is heard. Then Black Laser, still laughing, goes to the keyboard and presses a large red button with a skull imprinted on it.}
{Cut to a view of a large cannon of a space station. Dramatic, choral music starts to play as the cannon begins to charge up energy before unleashing a gigantic, blue, beam of energy at the Earth. Cut to a view of the 10 space stations around the Earth shooting blue energy beams at the Earth.}
{Cut to the exterior of the Cheat Commandos HQ. Suddenly, a laser from one of the space stations in space crashes down into the building, instantly blowing it up and engulfing its ruins in flames. The music intensifies as the explosion spreads. Cut to a view of Cheat City instantly being destroyed in less than a second from the explosion. Screams of horror and pain are heard as people are being killed by the fire and explosions in the area.}
{Cut to lasers striking and obliterating different places on the Earth, such as Switzerland, Australia, China, Egypt, and Brazil. Black Laser's manic laughter can be heard over the destruction and screams of the victims.}
{Cut to a view of the Earth, blackened by smoke and destruction. Explosions can be seen everywhere on the surface. The dramatic music intensifies as Black Laser's laughter continues. Fade to black. The words "THE END" appear in the foreground. After a few seconds, the background changes to a beach. No signs of life are seen or heard. Sad music plays.}
Easter Eggs
- Click on the rising sun at the end to see this:
{Happy music starts to blow are we are shown a bright background. Pictures of sugar being poured on bread, a trampoline, a cow being punched by a boxing glove, a taco with wings, and the word "CENSORED!" appear. Then images of Gunhaver, Reynod, and Alpha Stan. Then the following words appear.}
It's been fun, guys. Gunhaver Emails has been a simultaneously unforgettable, enjoyable, helpful, and depressing experience for me. However, the inevitable end has come.
But don't be sad! It was bound to happen! Think about all of the good times! Think of them and laugh!
{The word "HA!" flashes several times on the screen.}
So now, I must go. Thank you all for your help and devotion, and good night!
- Click on "END" to read about what might've been planned for seasons 9 and 10.
Fun Facts
Overall Fun Facts
- This is the last Gunhaver Email.
- This is the first special where there's no celebration for the reaching a landmark email.
- Click here to read about Ragnarok.
Act I Fun Facts
- This email continues from Deterioration.
- This was when Gunhaver escaped from Blue Laser.
- The Legion of Sane was a name falsely given to the Legion of Bane in this email.
- Gunhaver used a shard of glass to go back to the Cheat Commandos HQ.
- The C in the logo is the Roman numeral for 100.
- The Cheat Rangers was a group that consisted of Blast Maverick, Frostbite, and Power Punch in previous seasons.
- The cPod (featured in Black Laser) is a parody of the iPod.
- Gunhaver's email intro is the last part of Gunhaver's rock opera.
- Gunhaver's last revision of his rock opera was in Butterfly Effect, the 50th email.
- Gyro was known to program accessories into the Alpha 1260 in the past.
- Gyro was killed in Prototype.
- Gunhaver's flashback was from this email.
- Click here to read about antimatter and annihilation involving antimatter.
- NAGSI was first introduced in Thief 2 Remake.
- NAGSI later joined the Legion of Bane in Chef.
- Arrowhaver references shooting Gunhaver in the head with a tranquilizing dart in Unused emails.
- Click here to read about the Stormtrooper Syndrome.
- The island Foxface talks about is from Island and Deterioration.
- Fightgar, Reinforcements, and Crackotage reference the Ghostbusters film.
- Click here to read about Tasers.
Act II Fun Facts
- The rockets are modeled after the ship in the Scrolling Shooter Games Menu after you get the 20X6 The Cheat power-up.
- Gunhaver last fought against Shadow in Massacre.
- Jewel used two machine guns in Invasion and Battle.
- "Hasta la vista" means "good-bye" in Spanish.
- Gunhaver giving away the Cheat Commandos' money and weapons to "the enemy" is a reference to fCon.
- Shadow (and later, Black Laser) talk about the events in The Truth.
Intermission Fun Facts
- Reynold references the events in Deterioration.
Act III Fun Facts
- Click here to read about Zero G.
- Black Laser makes references to Pandora's Box.
- Gunhaver fought against Black Laser's Prototype, Guntoshi, in the email Prototype.
- The music at the end if the ending music from Mega Man X.
Easter Egg Fun Facts
- All of Gunhaver Email's running gags are referenced.
