Homsar's Blog/Entry 48
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Homsar's Blog Entry 48 - This Week in Another Universe
Beta Clam turns evil, and Homsar travels to another universe in order to save the day.
Page title: Oh noes! Beta Clam is eating my megahertz!
Cast (in order of appearance): Homsar, Homeschool Winner, Kidstar (flashback), Beta Clam, Kitty, Past Homestar Runner, Past Homsar, Past Coach Z, Past Strong Sad, Characters in holographic projection (see below), Strong Bad (voice), Bubs (voice), Alternate Universe Kidstar, Reynold, Gunhaver, Arrowhaver, Silent Rip, Fightgar, Reinforcements (voice), Beta Oyster, Owl, Three Earthworms, Homestar Runner, Old Lady, Salesman, Natural Monstrosity, Eco, Water Mantis, Dodo, Evil Homsar, Evil Gunhaver, Gyro, Saargtsnake, Beta Oyster, Alpha Stan (virus form), Brain Kidstar (easter egg)
Cast (in holographic projection): Pencil Drawn Gunhaver, Pencil Drawn Reynold, Pencil Drawn Foxface, Brody, Tampo, Jaro, Grundy, Chorch, Stinkoman, Mega Man , 1-Up, Mitchell, Pan Pan, Mechanic Joe
Places: Homsar's Bedroom, Homsar's Kitchen, The Experiment Room, Homsar's Yard, Homestar's Bathroom, Homestar's Yard, The Field, The Stick, Homeschool's Old Lab, Places in holographic projection (see below), Free Country, USA, Cheat Commandos Headquarters, Desert, Onset Village, Jungle, Earth Temple, Generic Ocean, Many Dark Corridors, Ocean King's Castle (Levels 1, 9 and 10), Saargtsnake's Room, Boss Room, Random Location (easter egg), Homeschool's Virtual Reality Room (easter egg), Homeschool's Lounge Room (easter egg), Homsar's Brain (easter egg)
Places (in holographic projection): Pencil Drawn The Field, Robot Warehouse, 20X6 The Field, Roof of Stinkoman Headquarters
Date: Part 1 - April 23, 2006, Part 2 - May 14, 2006, Part 3 - January 8, 2008
Length: 4,818 + 4,880 + 5,859 = 15,557 words
Length (including easter eggs): 5,252 + 4,921 + 6,175 = 16,348 words
Transcript
Part 1
{Screen is black. A small flicker of static appears, and security camera footage of Homsar's bedroom appears. It is in greyscale, and there is a timestamp that reads "7:47AM" in the bottom right corner. There is a notice saying "Date not set" flashing in the top left corner. Homsar is sleeping in his box, moving around slightly.}
HOMSAR: {distorted, mumbling} Muh, bru... brother Homestar... uh... WAH! {wakes up suddenly} Man, no more pudding pops before breakfast. {looks around} Uh... why is this in greyscale? Oh, great, not another security camera flash-
{The screen pauses, and a pause symbol appears to the bottom left. Text scrolls in from left to right with the starting credits.}
This Week in Another Universe
A movie by Homsar
An exact replica of real events
Jibberish translated for your convenience
No, these credits don't look familiar. Be quiet.
{The screen plays again, and it fades out to reality. Homsar gets out of bed.}
HOMSAR: Well, guess I better make breakfast.
{Homsar walks through the house and the camera follows him. He stops at the experiment room. There is a poster on the wall with a list of buttons and what they do. Homsar reaches over and press a button. He walks back out to the kitchen, where there is a plate of bacon and eggs, along with a piece of bread. Homsar sits down and starts to eat.}
HOMSAR: {with mouth full} Well, just another- {swallows, speaks normally} -ordinary day.
{A short silence is heard as Homsar picks up the bread and looks at it.}
HOMSAR: How very odd... usually this is toasted. Oh, well. {Homsar is about to throw the piece of bread but pauses. He quickly runs into the Experiment Room as the camera stays at the table. Some butter appears next to the bread, and Homsar runs back.}
HOMSAR: {mumbling, buttering bread} Alright, just butter up the bread...
{Homsar finishes buttering the bread, then pauses. He then quickly throws the bread behind him, and a splat is heard.}
HOMSAR: {sighs} Just another boring day.
HOMESCHOOL: {offscreen} Well, my day got a little bit more exciting, that's for sure.
{Camera pans right to show Homeschool standing in the doorway with the buttered bread on his face}
HOMSAR: {offscreen} Gloop.
HOMESCHOOL: Looks like you've been practicing your overarm throw. {peels the bread off his face and throws it in the bin. Zoom out enough to see both Homsar and Homeschool} Bad start to the day?
HOMSAR: Everything's just so... bland. I need something to brighten my life.
HOMESCHOOL: Why not get a cat?
HOMSAR: Remember Kitty?
HOMESCHOOL: Well, from what I can remember-
{Cut to security camera footage of a slightly younger Homsar on a desktop computer with the logo "Charnstar 256" on it. After a few seconds of pressing random buttons the keyboard, Homsar looks around.}
HOMSAR: {distorted} What the heck is wrong with my computer? {opens the CPU tower} Oh noes! Kitty is eating my megahurtz!
KITTY: {distorted} Meow.
{Cut to a shot of Homsar and Homeschool in Homeschool's Mansion, still in security camera footage}
HOMSAR: {distorted} A cat! We need a cat!
{Camera footage pans a little to the right to show that Kidstar is there with a cat on a pillow.}
KIDSTAR: {distorted, in Gunhaver voice} Here is your cat.
{Cut back to Homsar and Homeschool.}
HOMSAR: Are you like, bringing these security camera flashbacks over here, or something?
HOMESCHOOL: Nah. It's a feature of the Beta Clam Desktop Version.
HOMSAR: That stinkin'-
HOMESCHOOL: {interrupting} Say, what's a guy got to do to get some breakfast around here?
HOMSAR: Right, right, breakfast. Just head on into the Experiment Room. Buttons 701, 692 and 234 are the main breakfast makers. There's a poster on the wall.
HOMESCHOOL: Cool. I'll be right back. {walks out of shot}
{Homsar walks out of the kitchen and into his bedroom. He comes out holding the Rocko 1024, and he places it on the kitchen table.}
HOMSAR: Alright, Beta Clam, time for you to meet your match. {turns on the Rocko}
HOMESCHOOL: {offscreen} Say, how many of these buttons have you tested?
{Cut to Homsar sitting in front of the Rocko. It takes up almost the whole screen. A login prompt is currently onscreen. Homsar logs in and opens a Notepad document.}
HOMSAR: I've got... {scrolls to the bottom of the list} 378 of the 1,500 buttons documented. I got a lot to go.
{Homeschool peers in from the side}
HOMESCHOOL: Woah, 378. That is not a small number.
{Cut to a regular view of Homsar and Homeschool. Homeschool is holding a bowl of cereal.}
HOMSAR: {looks at Homeschool} So, what did you get?
HOMESCHOOL: {eats a spoonful} Blueberry cereal.
HOMSAR: I'd puke my pants if anybody made me eat that.
HOMESCHOOL: Lucky you.
HOMSAR: Anyways, time for a blog entry.
BETA CLAM: {pops up on the Rocko} Unable to execute command.
HOMSAR: What? I've never got an error on this thing before.
HOMESCHOOL: Maybe there's a problem with the processor. {pause} Actually, if I remember correctly, Beta Clam has a weakness. That may be the cause of your problem. I'm pretty sure the weakness is-
BETA CLAM: Activate annoying sounds.
{Loud, annoying sounds start playing. Homeschool moves closer to Homsar and yells the weakness to him, although we can't hear it. The loud noises soon stop.}
HOMESCHOOL: So, did you get that.
HOMSAR: Yup.
HOMESCHOOL: Just to make sure you heard it, the weakness is-
BETA CLAM: Activate Heavy Lourde.
{A Heavy Lourde falls on Homeschool}
HOMSAR: Wah! Beta Clam is evil!
BETA CLAM: Actually, I've gone nuts.
HOMSAR: I'll save you, Homeschool!
{Cut to the experiment room. Homsar runs in and briefly looks at a poster on the wall.}
HOMSAR: Heavy Lourde Removal - Button 1025.
{Homsar quickly presses a button, but in his haste, he doesn't realise that he pressed Button 1026 instead. Homsar goes to run out the doorway but slams into an invisible forcefield.}
HOMSAR: What teh carp? {quickly turns around, camera moves to show that the Experiment Room is blocked. Homsar turns back around and the doorway is blocked as well.}
HOMSAR: Well, this is irrationally disturbing. I guess I'll head back into the house.
{Homsar walks around the house and through the front door. He stops and looks at his answering machine, which is flashing "1".}
HOMSAR: New message? I don't recall anyone ringing. {presses button}
HOMSAR: {from answering machine} Hey, it's Homsar. I'm not here right now, so leave me a message, you zerb! {beep}
HOMESTAR: {from answering machine} Um, hewo, it's me, Homestar. Um... I know we haven't seen each other in a while, but, could you come to my house for a little while? I'm having a little twouble with my toilet.
COACH Z: {from answering machine, distant} Ow, my pants!
HOMESTAR: {from answering machine} {laughing} Oh, wight, Coach Z is just... well... heh... anyways, see you soon, bwue midget. {beep}
HOMSAR: Wha...? That bears a striking resemblance to a message I received approximately 3 years, 7 months and 22 days ago! {pause} Wow, I really am bored. Anyways, time to finish breakfast. {walks into the kitchen}
HOMSAR: Anyway, Homeschool, I'm just gonna... {looks around the kitchen, Homeschool isn't there} Homeschool? {notices a toaster} Didn't I sell that toaster in order to buy the Experiment Room, which now appears to be non-existant? {Homsar turns to the right and Kitty is sitting on the kitchen bench.}
KITTY: Meow.
HOMSAR: {pauses} WAH! Kitty has come back from the dead!
KITTY: Meow! {jumps on Homsar}
HOMSAR: {trying to shake Kitty off} Jah! Alright, phantom Kitty, just- gah! Not the arm!
HOMSAR: {from another room} Kitty, where are you?
KITTY: Meow. {runs out the kitchen door}
HOMSAR: Wait a minute... I remember this... I came home after going shopping, Kitty came out to greet me, I checked my messages...
HOMSAR: {from other room} Hmm... that's strange, I don't remember having a message when I left...
HOMSAR: {from answering machine, faint} Hey, it's Homsar. I'm not {continues faintly while Homsar is speaking}
HOMSAR: ...then, as I listened to the message, I walked into the kitchen, and... OH NOES! I must get out of here! {quickly looks around room, sees a window near where the Experiment Room was} Well, as long as I have Squeaky...
{Homsar runs towards the window and jumps. Just before hitting the window, Squeaky falls off. Homsar crashes through the window, and when he lands on the grass outside, Squeaky lands back on his head.}
HOMSAR: {weakly} Squeaky, that was totally... not cool.
HOMESTAR: {offscreen} Oh, hey midget. Having fun smashing thwough gwass? {camera pans up to show Homestar looking down at Homsar} Let me twy! {runs to the right, straight towards a conveniently placed pane of glass. He jumps into it but bounces off and falls over.}
HOMESTAR: Ow... glass planes are bad for you.
HOMSAR: Shall we continue this conversation elsewhere? {grabs Homestar and runs off}
HOMESTAR: {fading out} Ow, easy on the hand!
{Other Homsar comes and looks out the window. He looks around but doesn't seem anybody.}
HOMSAR: Dang Strong Bad.
{Camera fades to black. Fade in to Homsar in Homestar's shower. His body is pixelated and he isn't wearing Squeaky.}
HOMSAR: {singing} ...and I totally; ain't nobody's friend! But then I have a change of heart, and I make some final plans, and after all that, I'm able to eat for f-
{Cut to outside of bathroom. Homestar is standing near the door. Homsar is singing faintly.}
HOMESTAR: Are you done in thewe yet? I think Coach Z got stuck in the toilet.
{Cut to the toilet. Coach Z's head is stuck in the toilet bowl.}
COACH Z: Well, these are the breaks!
{Cut back to the shower}
HOMSAR: How did I not notice Coach Z on the way in? I guess you don't really want to notice a guy with his head stuck in the toilet. {pauses} Wait a minute... toilet... answering machine... past Homsar... he's coming {pronounced as come-ay-ing} to fix the toilet!
COACH Z: {offscreen} Don't rush! I'm getting used to this!
{Homsar turns the water off. He steps out of the shower and puts on his shirt and shoes, which are on the floor. He opens his mouth and Squeaky flies out and onto his head.}
PAST HOMSAR: {faint} Hey, Homestar! I got your message!
HOMSAR: Time to get out of here! {runs into a wall and falls backwards} Ow... that's the last time I run into a wall on medication. Or... lack thereof.
HOMESTAR: There's no doow there!
HOMSAR: Thanks for that highly enlightening piece of information! Now, if you'll excuse me...
{Homsar runs through the hallway and jumps out an open window just as Past Homsar appears at the other end of the hallway.}
HOMESTAR: Homsar! You've alive! It's a mewicle!
{Cut to Homsar underneath the windowsill}
HOMSAR: Wow, with all these people around, things could start getting really confusing to anybody watching. {looks at the camera} Yeah, I'm talking to you! {points at the camera}
{Cut to a first person view from Homsar. He is pointing at Strong Sad.}
STRONG SAD: Oh, I just got thrown out here 15 minutes ago by Strong Mad. Don't mind me.
HOMSAR: Done! {wobbles off}
STRONG SAD: {sighs} These bushes are my only friends.
{Cut to Homsar running through The Field. The bushes are less tall. It is starting to get dark.}
HOMSAR: Running... is not... fun. {stops next to The Stick, it has some leaves on it} Okay. Now, if there's one person who has a time travel machine, than it's... {camera swirls around until it stops at Homeschool's old house.} Homeschool's... not mansion. Dang, that thing is dank. {walks towards Homeschool's house} Hello? Anybody in here? {opens door and walks in} Well, Homeschool must be out. Now, if I recall correctly, the {fading out} secret entrance to his lab is...
{Fade in to Homsar standing in the middle of Homeschool's lab. There are gadgets strewn about. Homsar moves next to a table with gadgets on it.}
HOMSAR: Let's see what we got. {moves to first gadget, it's a turned off laptop}
HOMSAR: Here's what appears to be a state of the art, well, for this time period anyway, laptop, bearing the name... Alpha 640.
{The Alpha 640 turns on. A DOS prompt loads up. Text appears as it speaks.}
ALPHA 640: Get outta here, Benulon. Nobody like your style.
HOMSAR: Disturbing laptop. What do we have next? {moves to next gadget, which is a small rectangular device.}
HOMSAR: This is a... Forceful, Overpowering Radiation Circle Emitter. You know, if you think about it, that could be a recursive acronym. You know, like, FORCEful, Overpowering Radiation Circle Emitter, which then expands to "FORCEful, Overpowering Radiation Circle Emitter"ful, Overpowering Radiation Circle Emitter", which would then expand even furthur! But what does it actually do?
{Homsar presses a button on the Forceful, Overpowering Radiation Circle Emitter. It shoots out a green sphere which encloses a small car engine on the other side of the room.}
HOMSAR: Well, this could be convenient. {notices dial on device} What does this thing do? {turns dial slowly, the sphere become less transparent and greener} Hmmm. I wonder how powerful it can get?
{Homsar turns the dial faster and faster. The sphere becomes more and more opaque until a fizzle is heard and the sphere suddenly disappears. A white flash is seen and the engine is shot across the room and smashes straight into the Alpha 640, shattering it into pieces. The engine is intact. Homsar looks at the device, which is now sparking.}
HOMSAR: Eep. {puts the Forceful, Overpowering Radiation Circle Emitter down} That's gonna set progress back. {Homsar moves to the next gadget, which a wide, flat cylinder. It has some buttons around the edge of it.}
HOMSAR: If I learnt my lesson the previous time, I wouldn't touch this. I guess I have two and/or three choices.
{A box shows up reading "CHOICE TIME!!!" and the three choices:}
Touching this thing...
HOMSAR: Touching this thing would probably be the best thing to do. Here I go! {jumps in slow motion in the arm, spins around, and falls back down towards the button. Skip to after the choices}
Perhaps it would be best
HOMSAR: Perhaps it would be best if I didn't press anything else. {walks out of camera shot. There is a pause, and then Homsar comes running back.} I regret everything! {jumps towards the gadget. Skip to after the choices}
I'm a song from the...
HOMSAR: I'm a song from the sixties. {pause, crickets are heard} DaAaAaAaA, maybe the choice should be pancaked! {the choices box comes up again}
After the Choices
{Homsar lands on the ground and presses the button.}
HOLOGRAPH UNIT: Welcome to the holographic projection system. You were last watching "Classic Clips". Resuming.
{A hologram plops up from the holograph unit. It shows a coloured pencil drawn field. Colour pencil drawn Gunhaver, Reynold and Foxface are walking down The Field.}
Present Gunhaver (V.O.): -actually stalking me!
Past Gunhaver (sounds like Cheat animation Strong Bad): Why don't you go stalk somebody else?
Past Reynold (has the same voice as Past Gunhaver's): Come here! Let me give you a-
{The hologram changes to Brody standing in front of the Plasma 2000 at the Robot Warehouse.}
BRODY: -like, floating, sliding, and rolling? What kind of weird freaks do that?!
{Tampo moves closer to Brody.}
TAMPO: {angrily} What was that?!?
BRODY: {laughing} I just realised that you're-
{The hologram changes to a Jaro, a Grundy and a Chorch standing in the middle of a field.}
JARO: -crash at Saargtsson's place!
GRUNDY: How about we get an e-mail show?
JARO: Well, if we can bribe Tampo with-
{The hologram changes to Stinkoman standing on the top of Stinkoman Headquarters. 32-bit Mega Man runs up to him.}
MEGA MAN: Don't do it! I'll give you ice cream!
STINKOMAN: Hooray! I'll use my fingers to hold the cone!
1-UP: {walking on} I can use my fists! Which totally exist!
MEGA MAN: I'm going to go and save everybody from Dr. Wily. Isn't that right, Mitchell?
MITCHELL: {pokes his head in from the top} That's right! Because I'm the author! Mwa-ha-ha!
PAN PAN: {bounces on} I'm here for no reason!
MECHANIC JOE: {walks on} Me too!
MEGA MAN: {points to the right} Look over there! {everybody looks, Mega Man runs away}
{The hologram shuts down.}
HOLOGRAPH UNIT: Thank you for watching. I will self-destruct in five milliseconds because Homescool didn't work out my bugs. Timer starts now.
{Five milliseconds later. The holograph unit explodes and drops its pieces. Homsar is mostly black. He coughs up some smoke.}
HOMSAR: Man, it seems like no matter what I do, something goes wrong. I think I'll move onto the last gadget. {moves onto the next gadget, it is a Gameboy in a blender}
HOMSAR: A Gameboy in a blender? What good value! And you can have this, plus all these other gadgets-
{Cut to a wide view of the lab which shows all of the destroyed gadgets. Cut back to Homsar shortly after.}
HOMSAR: -for low, low price {"$99.95" starts flashing on the screen} of twenty-three payments of $99.95! {"plus $77 shipping, handling, taxes, toast and World War III" appears below the price} Order in the next five seconds and I'll even throw in this brick! {Pulls a brick out of his mouth.} You won't find this sort of value in European pudding markets! {throws brick away}
HOMSAR: Alrighty. Now, while Homeschool's idea of destroying a Gameboy was good, I can't help but think that he didn't go far enough. {The scene goes into fast-forward as Homsar runs around the lab collect items and placing them on the table.} Now, I'll just add this Nintendork 64, {adds it to the blender} this Gamespew, {adds it to the blender}, this Nintendork DS, {adds it to the blender} as well as this piece of crap! {crams a Nintendork Low-Resolution into the blender and places the top on.} Now, there's some serious Nintendork destruction! All I need now is a power supply.
{Cut to a giant switchboard, which says "FREE COUNTRY, USA POWER SUPPLY" on top. There is an extension cord plugged into it. The camera follows the extension cord back through Bubs' Concession Stand, Strong Badia, past The Stick, through Homsar's house and into Homeschool's lab. It is connected to the blender.}
HOMSAR: It sure was handy that extension cord was already plugged into the Free Country, USA power supply and strung through Bubs' Concession Stand, Strong Badia, The Stick, my house and into Homeschool's lab! All I had to do was plug it in! Now, should I really risk turning this thing on? Squeaky, what do you think?
{Squeaky flies off Homsar's head, hits a button on the blender and lands back on Homsar's head. The blender starts shooting out sparks. Cut to a bird's eye view of Free Country, USA. All of the lights start flickering for a view seconds, then everything goes dark.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Wow, this toilet is weally dark.
STRONG BAD: The Cheat! Quit messing with the power supply!
STRONG SAD: My prayers have finally been answered.
COACH Z: I place the blame squarely on tight pants.
BUBS: I got self-generating lightbulbs! 375 bucks!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'll take thwee!
{Cut back to Homsar in Homeschool's lab. There is a swirl to the left of him, which is emitting a glow.}
HOMSAR: Whoa, swirly Fireworks magic! Now, before doing anything rash, I should make sure that I feel comfortable- {Squeaky floats off Homsar's head and enters the swirl.} Wah! Come back, Squeaky! {wobbles into the swirl. There is a flash of white light.}
{Cut to an open field. Squeaky is on the ground.}
HOMSAR: {getting louder} Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-
{Homsar stops yelling all of a sudden. He slowly emerges from Squeaky.}
HOMSAR: Man, it's like a seperate dimension in there. Now, am I back in my own time, or am I in a place far more sinister?
{Camera pans around Homsar 180 degrees. Homsar turns around and sees Cheat Commando Headquarters.}
HOMSAR: Well, I appear to be in my universe, just here, at Cheat Commando Headquarters.
{Screen fades slightly.}
SINGERS: Which is why you should buy all our playsets and toys!
{Screen goes back to normal.}
HOMSAR: Well, I think I can now say that I am not in my own universe. Well, at least the time period is correct, and I'm not in some weird confusing time like 30X2 or 20X5.5. I guess I better go and get help or something. {walks towards the entrance} Well, it's open, so I guess I'll just-
{All of a sudden, 1-Up runs out.}
1-UP: {in Brody's voice} LOOK OUT! IT'S THE APOCALYPSE!
{1-Up's mouth grows huge and he swallows Homsar. Everything is dark, but then the screen starts getting whiter. When the screen is very bright, the white quickly disappears. Homsar is standing to the right of Reynold, whose face is red. Gunhaver is near him.}
HOMSAR: This-
{Reynold suddenly shoots fire out of his mouth straight at Homsar's head. The first lasts for a couple of seconds, then stops.}
HOMSAR: {thinking} This is not going to be good for my Jibberish-To-English coverter.
{Gunhaver walks over to Reynold and whacks him over the head.}
GUNHAVER: Reynold! Look what you've done! You-
HOMSAR: {thinking over Gunhaver's voice} Well, he doesn't seem to recognise this. I'm almost certainly not in my own universe.
GUNHAVER: -freak!
{Sparks start to come out of Homsar's head.}
HOMSAR: {thinking} This can't be good.
{A dull explosion is heard, and smoke starts coming out of Homsar's mouth.}
HOMSAR: Oh, crap. There goes my Jibberish-To-English converter. {pause} This does not look good for Homsar- um, Homsar.
GUNHAVER: Now look what you did! He can't speak English!
REYNOLD: Is that my fault?
GUNHAVER: The answer is yes.
HOMSAR: Well, you guys totally can't understand me.
REYNOLD: Uh, should we do something about this?
HOMSAR: {thinking} How about getting my something to eat?
GUNHAVER: {behind Homsar's thoughts} Don't worry. I know how to deal with this problem.
{Gunhaver whacks Reynold in the head again, knocking him unconscious. Meanwhile, Homsar wobbles off and walks down a hallway.}
HOMSAR: Well, I'm in trouble. How am I going to get out of this universe if nobody can understand me?
{Arrowhaver appears at the opposite end of the hallway and looks at Homsar. Homsar stops moving and looks back.}
ARROWHAVER: Who the crap are you? Are you here to kill us? Are you here to spy on us? {nervous} Are you here to steal my precious Indianhead penny again?
HOMSAR: Well, I already have an Indianhead penny back home. You should probably come it see it some Blursday.
ARROWHAVER: Blursday??? {insane} THE CONSPIRACY IS TRUE!!! BLURSDAY WILL EAT US ALL!!!
{Arrowhaver runs off-screen. A smacking sound is heard.}
HOMSAR: Well, um... good to see you. Even though you can't understand me. {Homsar walks out pass Silent Rip and Fightgar, who walk in.}
SILENT RIP: {offscreen} Who is that?
{Cut to Homsar walking down the hallway.}
HOMSAR: Man, I really got, I really gotta pee. I really got, I really gotta pee pee. Where's the bathroom in this place? Over here?
{Homsar walks towards door, but is interrupted by a stone bouncing off Squeaky. Homsar turns around. The camera pans down the hallway to show Silent Rip and Fightgar with slingshots. Silent Rip's slingshot string is snapped in half.}
HOMSAR: Why the crap did you just throw a stone at me?
FIGHTGAR: Holy crap! He likes basketball! He won't receive any mercy from us at all!
HOMSAR: {thinking} Basketball?
SILENT RIP: Yeah! Sell him to a zoo!
{Fightgar and Silent Rip run up to Homsar.}
HOMSAR: You don't want to mess with the Squeaky.
FIGHTGAR: Silent Rip, do you have the glass shard?
SILENT RIP: Here.
{Silent Rip gives Fightgar a shard of glass. Fightgar places it in the slingshot and prepares to fire.}
HOMSAR: DaAaAaAaAaa! You aren't gonna shard me! DaAaAaAaA-
{Homsar continues "DaAaAaAA"ing as he runs across to the door, runs up the wall, and up onto the ceiling. Fightgar and Silent Rip look at him in awe.}
FIGHTGAR: Eep! It's the freak that defies the law of what Gyro called "grab-ity"! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
{Fightgar runs away, shrieking like a girl.}
HOMSAR: Wuss.
{Homsar then falls onto the floor and lands on Squeaky. Silent Rip runs up to Homsar and looks at him.}
SILENT RIP: Hey! Are you okay?
{Homsar stands up, and sparks fly out of Homsar's mouth as some whirring is heard.}
HOMSAR: Yes, I'm fine. Thanks. {realizes something} Hey! The Jibberish-to-English program is working! That bump on the head was the trick!
SILENT RIP: Uh... yes... so... would you like to come with me to the zoo?
HOMSAR: The zoo? Look, I'm not a freak. I'm just a guy from another universe.
SILENT RIP: Oh... that's convincing.
HOMSAR: Listen. I have something important to tell Gunhaver. It's a warning.
SILENT RIP: Oh, a worming?
HOMSAR: A WARNING!
SILENT RIP: Sorry, but this helmet has earmuffs equipped. Anyway, I'll just bring Gunhaver to a hallway with a computer conveniently sent to us!
{Silent Rip walks off-screen.}
HOMSAR: Eh, sounds good.
{Cut to an identical hallway, except there is a computer on the floor. Gunhaver and Silent Rip walk up to Homsar.}
GUNHAVER: Okay, I was in the middle of eating nachos and waiting for my 16 grand, so this'd better be good! {notices Homsar} What is this? That freak was a delivery boy? {notices computer} And that computer sucks!
HOMSAR: I'm not a delivery boy. Anyway, Gunhaver, my name is-
{Suddenly, sparks fly out of Homsar's mouth.}
HOMSAR: -Homsar. I'm from- oh, crap! Not again! Just when I wanted to tell Gunhaver a warning about something I just thought of.
GUNHAVER: Uh... is that even supposed to make sense?
HOMSAR: {thinking} I remember reading something about a Gunhaver universe that was just like this. I remember it was this universe because of that fire-breathing Reynold. This universe has an evil Beta Clam in it- even worse, Beta Oyster!
GUNHAVER: -a shot. {to Homsar} Tell me what you want to tell me.
HOMSAR: Um, okay. Beta Oyster is going to attack any moment now. We have to prepare for the worst!
{There is a short pause.}
GUNHAVER: Um... I think... he said... {alarmed} Oh my Cornbread! He said Jimmy jumped off the cliff!
SILENT RIP: Jimmy jumped off the cliff???
HOMSAR: {thinking} Great, I'm surrounded by idiots.
GUNHAVER: -to the bottom of the cliff and save Jimmy's wallet!
SILENT RIP: Yes sir!
REINFORCEMENTS: {off-screen} Did someone say my name?
{Silent Rip runs off-screen}
HOMSAR: Come on, you gotta understand me! There's only one way to shut Beta Oyster down, and it's-
GUNHAVER: All right, fine. You can come with me too.
HOMSAR: {thinking} Sigh.
{Gunhaver walks over to a door. Suddenly, it gets surrounded by electricity.}
GUNHAVER: What the...
{Suddenly, the other door gets surrounded by electricity. Soon, all of the walls are covered in multicoloured energy. Gunhaver and Homsar stand in the middle of it all, looking afraid.}
GUNHAVER: What the crap is this??? Is this a sign telling me I can't have a normal email anymore???
VOICE: MWA-HAHAHAHAHA! YOU ARE NOW STUCK IN MY TRAP!
HOMSAR: Wow, this is bad.
GUNHAVER: Who are you???
VOICE: Look at the computer!
{Quickly pan over to the computer, where Beta Oyster is seen on the screen.}
GUNHAVER: Alpha Stan??? YOU must be Shadow all along!
BETA OYSTER: I'm not Shadow! I'm Beta Oyster, you dimwit!
GUNHAVER: Oh, well, I didn't know that.
HOMSAR: {thinking} I did!
BETA OYSTER: Well, consider this to be the first of our two meetings, with the second being your ultimimate last!
GUNHAVER: Dude, that quote sucked.
HOMSAR: {thinking} I'm starting to regret liking Beta Clam.
BETA OYSTER: Soon, nothing will matter on what sucks or not!
HOMSAR: Come on! I know his one weakness! Pay attention!
GUNHAVER: {angrily at Homsar} Look, I know Jimmy jumped off a cliff, OKAY???
BETA OYSTER: ENOUGH!!!! YOU WILL NOW BE MY SLAVES, NOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!
{Suddenly, a flash of light shoots out from the computer and engulfs Gunhaver and Homsar. The flash of light is gone, everything is back to normal, except Gunhaver and Homsar are gone. Alpha Stan appears on the computer screen to deliver his message.}
Click here to email Gun-
{Cut to Homsar in front of a random location. See Fun Facts for possible locations.}
HOMSAR: Well, everybody, since a lot of stuff happened, and I'm running out of animating juice, I'm gonna have to cut this short. But, never fear. The experiment room will replenish my instanity juice later. So, you all go do stuff. I'm going to go and play that new virtual reality game Homeschool got installed. {walks out of shot. A few seconds later he walks back in.} Oh, by the way, me showing you this now means I did get out of it okay. So, don't worry about that. {Homsar walks out of shot. "View Next Section" fades in, as well as "Back" and "Again?" buttons. "View New Section" will stay onscreen throughout the Counter-Strike easter egg, and when clicked, in will take you to the next part of the Flash movie.}
Part 2
{Cut to Homsar's kitchen. Homeschool is no longer under the Heavy Lourde, and the Rocko 1024 is still on the kitchen table. Homeschool walks in.}
HOMESCHOOL: Homsar! I got out from under the Heavy Lourde! Turns out it used imperial weights! {looks around} Homsar? {looks at the Rocko} Well, I guess I should uninstall Beta Clam. {moves over to the kitchen table and sits down} Alrighty, I'll just use the fingerprint scanner here... {gets his fingerprint scanned, and the screen flashes "Welcome, Homeschool."} Now, the first thing I'll do is- {notices a minimized program on the taskbar} I should probably save whatever Homsar is working on, just in case.
{Homeschool opens the program, and a full screen video of Gunhaver and Homsar walking through a desert.}
HOMESCHOOL: Cool. Looks like Homsar's been making some movies with his new camcorder.
{The camera slowly zooms in until the video takes up the whole screen.}
HOMSAR: -and that's when I realised that Homeschool was kidnapped.
GUNHAVER: Where the crap are we? The Middle West?
HOMSAR: Oh, I'm pretty sure we're in a virtual simulation. {looks around} Some sort of desert program, I'd guess. {looks to the right} Dang. There's a really wide, black wall blocking the way, as if the world stops right here!
GUNHAVER: {sighs} What now? {looks to the right} Hey! There's a freakin' wide, black wall blocking the way, as if the world stops here.
HOMSAR: It was easy enough for my brothers to understand me. I don't know why you can't.
{Gunhaver and Homsar look to the left.}
HOMSAR: Hey, look, there's a-
GUNHAVER: Shut up! Hey! It's a village!
HOMSAR: I feel like choking you right now.
{Gunhaver and Homsar walk through the desert, directly towards the village. On the way, a small rock pillar rises from the sand. There is a computer monitor on top of it.}
GUNHAVER: Oooh! Neat! A computer!
HOMSAR: You use the computer. Right now, we have bigger problems.
{The camera follows Homsar as he wobbles to the left. A few seconds in, a gigantic worm-like monster with lots o' sharp teeth comes out of a hidden hole in the ground. It bites Homsar's head and goes back into the sand. Homsar looks perfectly alright, but text that says "HEALTH: -80" appears above him. Some smaller text then appears under it, saying "ARMOR: Squeaky", and the "-80" goes down to "-20". As the text disappears, Homsar jogs back towards Gunhaver and the computer monitor.}
GUNHAVER: Took you long enough. Anyway, take a look at this.
HOMSAR: {thinking; Gunhaver is barely audible} Unbelivable. We're in the middle of a desert and Gunhaver wants to check an e-mail on a conveniently placed computer monitor. He obviously hasn't heard the rule about "don't touch suspiciously placed things that come out of the ground for no raisen". This alternate universe really sucks and blows.
GUNHAVER: {looks at Homsar} I think my gibberish-translating skills have improved, right?
HOMSAR: Wait, what? I wasn't paying attention.
GUNHAVER: Anyway, I guess the sensible thing to do is to go to that village!
{Cut to a different camera angle of the scene. Gunhaver is walking towards the worm monster, and Homsar follows him.}
HOMSAR: Finally. Intelligence. {notices where Gunhaver is heading} Uh, I wouldn't go that way! There's a giant-
{Suddenly, the worm monster comes out of its hidden hole and roars at Gunhaver. Gunhaver gets a shocked look while Homsar shakes his head.}
HOMSAR: {quietly} Do I have to do everything around here?
{Homsar starts running up the right side of the screen, but falls off.}
HOMSAR: Hmm, that's weird. That usually works.
{A loud scream is heard off-screen. Homsar gets up and runs to the left. Cut to Gunhaver standing near where the worm monster was, with "+10 EXP" above him.}
HOMSAR: Wah! What teh carp happened here?
GUNHAVER: Where the crap were you? I had to defeat the giant worm monster with my "+1 KNOWLEDGE" by myself; and the monster is dead, no thanks to you!
HOMSAR: Well actually-
{Cut to Homeschool sitting at the Rocko. Homsar and Gunhaver are still visible onscreen. Homeschool is eating some popcorn.}
HOMESCHOOL: {with mouth full} This is some good stuff! {swallows} Homsar's movie making skillzorz must have improved recently.
HOMESTAR: {offscreen} Ding dong! {walks in} Oh, hey bwudder. I got your messages. I bwought the Witches Bwew! {gets out a lunchbox}
{Cut to Gunhaver and Homsar entering the village. As they walk past the first hut, text saying "ONSET ViLLAGE" flashes at the top of the screen.}
GUNHAVER: This is weird. We can't get into any of these huts.
HOMSAR: I'm pretty sure there's a specific hut we're meant to go into.
GUNHAVER: Air bubbles??? That's it! We're going into that one hut near the entrance to the village, which smelled like old ladies!
HOMSAR: {thinking} Maybe I don't give him enough credit. {starts walking offscreen.}
{Cut to the inside of a dark hut. Gunhaver and Homsar walk into the room.}
GUNHAVER: Hello? {pause} Anyone here? {pause} Can you give us some deus ex machinas, or something like that?
{Suddenly, the hut is lit up slightly by a candle. A frail, human hand is holding it, and the camera shifts to show that the hand is connected to an old, human woman.}
GUNHAVER: Oh, it's... a weird looking old lady... I think I saw one of you in Wikipedia...
HOMSAR: {thinking over Gunhaver's voice} Wikipedia? I think he means Wikiknowledge, the free content information source that anyone can edit!
{There is a pause, and a bad-quality cricket-chirping sound is heard.}
GUNHAVER: Uh... so... can you help us out?
OLD LADY: Oh, great! Visitors! Maybe they can help me with my current dilemna!
{AWKWARD SILENCE!}
GUNHAVER: Oh great. Another one. {angrily} That's it! I'm leaving!
{Gunhaver storms off, frustrated.}
HOMSAR: Hey, I can understand you for some raisen! Maybe the Jibberish-To-English converter is only half dead. Like, I can't speak English, but I can still understand Jibberish. How convenient!
OLD LADY: You're a nice young man.
HOMSAR: Eep. Well, you can't understand me, but I'm going to go outside and make sure Gunhaver isn't getting himself killed again. Preow! {wobbles away}
OLD LADY: Nobody likes me.
{Cut to Homsar walking up to a semi-destant stand, where a salesman and Gunhaver are standing.}
SALESMAN: {faint, talking to Gunhaver} -listening converter? It's only three money units!
HOMSAR: {thinking} Hmm, let's check the inventory.
{The screen turns into greyscale as large white text saying "PAUSED" comes over the screen. There are various stats around the screen. A cursor appears and clicks on "INVENTORY". A menu comes up from "INVENTORY", and the cursor goes up to money units and clicks on it. The menu goes away, and "15 Currency" appears beneath the health and armor stats. The cursor moves offscreen and the game unpauses. Three small objects that look like dollar signs (which are actually currency units) appear in front of Homsar, presumably held by Homsar. He warbles on and places the currency units on the stand. The salesman passes a headset to Homsar.}
SALESMAN: Thank you! Please come again!
HOMSAR: Sure!
HOMSAR: {thinking} No.
{Homsar then holds the headset out to Gunhaver, who just looks at it.}
GUNHAVER: What, am I going to become one of you freaks if I wear it?
HOMSAR: {straining} That's... more or... less... the pointy cheese! {exhales. Text saying "HP: -3" flashes above Homsar.}
GUNHAVER: Meh? Why not? If he spoke English in order to explain to me...
{Gunhaver takes the headset and puts it on his head. The words "Gunhaver gets Jibberish-to-English language converter!" appear above him.}
GUNHAVER: All right, so...
HOMSAR: Alright, crapface, can you understand me?
GUNHAVER: Crapface?!
SALESMAN: Welcome to my concession stand, the only concession stand in business right now due to the recent kidnappings! I currently have one item, the Jibberish-to-English listening converter. So, would you like to buy my Jibberish-to-English listening converter? It's only three money units!
GUNHAVER: Hey! I can undestand you! At last!
HOMSAR: Alrighty. Now, let's head back into that creepy hut with the creepy lady; I'm pretty sure she had something important to tell us. You'll have to do all the speaking, since she can't understand me.
{Cut to Homestar and Homeschool sitting in Homsar's kitchen, still eating popcorn. There is now a projector unit sticking out from the ceiling, and it is projecting the footage of Homsar and Gunhaver onto the wall. The windows are covered up by metal shutters, and there is a blue cord running from the Rocko into a plug on the wall. There are boxes of popcorn (empty and not-empty) on the table, as well as bottles and cans of "Aldi Brand Cola".}
OLD LADY: {through not-visible speakers} This village, Onset Village, was a representation-
HOMESTAR: {talking over Old Lady} This is one good videro game. When does the movie start?
HOMESCHOOL: Uh, this isn't a video game. This is the movie.
HOMESTAR: Oh, I doubt it. I dwove. {unnecessary text}
HOMESCHOOL: That makes a lot of sense. {whacks Homestar on the back of the head, making him spit out some popcorn.}
HOMESTAR: Ptooey!
{Cut back to the creepy hut. There is bar captioned "Gunhaver Boredom" in the bottom right, and it is slowly filling up. There is another bar captioned "Homsar Boredom" in the bottom left, and it is almost empty.}
GUNHAVER: {to Homsar while the Old Lady's still talking} -the point?
HOMSAR: I don't think that's possible.
GUNHAVER: Why not?
HOMSAR: She's programmed to talk like this.
GUNHAVER: Programmed?
HOMSAR: We're in a game, an RPG video game.
{Gunhaver makes a shocked look.}
HOMSAR: It's probably dramatic irony anyway.
OLD LADY: ...but then, there was the Ocean King.
GUNHAVER: The Ocean King? That name sucks.
OLD LADY: The Ocean King dried up the nearest river, so we have to go seven miles to the next-to-nearest water source, but it was dried up too. All water sources in th...
{Cut to a bored Gunhaver and a focused Homsar in front of the Old Lady, who is still talking.}
GUNHAVER: Man, for an RPG, this is one freakin' long cutscene.
{The screen pauses, as if somebody pressed "pause" on a remote.}
HOMESTAR: {offscreen} Hey, I was watching that fwiggin' long cutscene!
HOMESCHOOL: {offscreen} It's way too long and boring. I'll just use this easter egg in order to skip the cutscene and show us the major plot points that we need to know.
{A ">" prompt appears at the bottom of the screen. Some typing noises are heard, and "go shortcut" is shown one letter at a time after the prompt. The scene quickly fast-forwards, and then stops on a blue screen.}
HOMESCHOOL: {offscreen} Now, here come the major plot points.
{Text appears on the screen reading:}
-Elemental Medallions: Frodo, Dodo, Eco and Jimmy -Found in four dungeons controlled by four demons -Elements water, fire, air and earth -Get medallions or kiss your butt goodbye
HOMESTAR: {offscreen} That's too many woids.
{Cut back to Gunhaver and Homsar outside the hut.}
HOMSAR: Well, that was tiring. Where the crap are we going to find these four dungeons? And when we find them, how are we gonna find the Ocean King's palace?
GUNHAVER: Maybe some contrived plot device of the game will pop up!
{An owl flies over to Homsar and sits on Squeaky. Some music plays.}
OWL: Hello! I am the wise Owl, who gives hints with background music, not copied off of Nintendo.
HOMSAR: What's a Nintendo?
GUNHAVER: Hi.
OWL: You are to go to the East, where you will go to the Earth Shrine, go through the dungeon, get items, and fight the Earth Demon to save Eco, the Old Lady's fourth child.
GUNHAVER: That reminds me, what kind of name is Eco???
HOMSAR: At least it isn't some sort of name reversed and called evil or something. Man, those names are crap. Hey, wait a minute, Eco is-
OWL: Until then, farewell.
{The owl flies away.}
GUNHAVER: So... we're supposed to have weapons...
HOMSAR: Well... according to a scan through our stats, you have-
{Some stats pop on the screen - Homsar's stats are on the left, besides Homsar, and the same with Gunhaver, but on the opposite side. Homsar's stats say:}
HOMSAR (Protagonist) Level 1 0 exp. +2 Attack +1 Defense +3 Speed +2 Knowledge 21/44 HP
{-while Gunhaver's say:}
GUNHAVER (Sidekick) Level 1 15 exp. +1 Attack +1 Defense +1 Speed +4 Knowledge 22/22 HP
{The stats stay onscreen.}
GUNHAVER: Oh, come on! What kind of crappy stats are those???
HOMSAR: Well, it could've been worse. You could've been the sidekick. {glances at Gunhaver's stats} Oh, wait, you are the sidekick.
{Gunhaver falls to the ground.}
GUNHAVER: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
{The camera quickly pans over to a desert, which Homsar and Gunhaver are walking through. There is some adventure music.}
HOMSAR: Well, now that we have our adventure started, I guess we will need to fight soon.
GUNHAVER: Speaking of which, do we just attack with words that pop up from our heads?
HOMSAR: Um... what?
{Suddenly, circus music plays as three earthworms crawl onscreen.}
HOMSAR: They need to fire their music guy. {the music fades out} Anyway, what do you say we battle them?
GUNHAVER: Yeah, I'll just step on them!
{Gunhaver walks over to the worms and attempts to step on them, but once he gets to the nearest earthworm, he can't move on.}
GUNHAVER: What the crap?
HOMSAR: Heh. You don't know the fundamentals of RPGs. You're such a n00b.
GUNHAVER: I like platformers only.
HOMSAR: Well, so do I. I mean, I don't think I've ever even played an RPG before, but it's just common knowledge. Now, if you'll excuse me...
{Homsar goes to an earthworm.}
HOMSAR: I challenge you to a duel! Erm, fight!
GUNHAVER: {offscreen} Them's fighting words!
{The screen flashes white, and when the flash goes away, the view is side-on and it is 8-bit, a la Stinkoman 20X6. Homsar and Gunhaver are on the left, and three worms are on the right. The word "READY" flashes, then "SET", followed by "START PLAY!" Each fighter has their HP level appear above them, with the worms having 2/2 HP.}
GUNHAVER: What is this?
HOMSAR: What do you think it is? It's a battle. Now, let me see if I have an RPG.
GUNHAVER: RPG or MP3, I'm going to kill them!
{Gunhaver tries to run to the earthworms, but he finds himself running on the spot.}
GUNHAVER: Another RPG fundamental?
HOMSAR: Yes, idiot. You have the slowest speed, so you go last.
GUNHAVER: What? Are you calling me fat, you foo?
HOMSAR: Y-
{The earthworm closest to the duo squeals, then attacks Gunhaver. The words "Earthworm 1 attacked!" appear. Gunhaver goes into an injured pose, his HP flashes red and goes down to 21/22. The injured pose goes away.}
GUNHAVER: Okay, that hurt. {to Homsar} So you're going next, right?
HOMSAR: Nope. They all get to attack at once.
GUNHAVER: That's just bul-
{Another worm quickly attacks Gunhaver, making his HP flash red and go down to 20/22, and go into an injured pose again, with the text "Earthworm 2 attacked!" appearing on screen. The third worm attacks in similar fashion, but making Gunhaver's HP go down to 18/22. The words "CRITICAL HIT!" flash onscreen.}
GUNHAVER: Oh, why are they all attacking me??? I only have 18/22 HP remaining!
HOMSAR: I have Squeaky, which would probably neutralise most of their attacks. Anyway, DaAaaAaaAaAaAaAaaaAAA!!!
{Homsar continues to scream, as he attacks the first earthworm, making the words "Homsar attacked!" appear. The earthworm's HP goes down to 0, and then fades away. The words "Earthworm 1 killed." appears.}
HOMSAR: I'll teach him to mess with me. Okay, your turn. Don't screw up!
GUNHAVER: Right! I'll use my precious 1 Attack Point to kill the worms!
{Gunhaver attacks, making the words "Sidekick attacked!" After two seconds, the words "Sidekick's attack missed!" appears.}
GUNHAVER: WHAT?!
HOMSAR: {laughing} Man, you really stink. {stops laughing} Anyway, you missed because the worms are faster then you, fatty.
GUNHAVER: No, I mean, why am I "Sidekick"???
HOMSAR: Because I am clearly much more awesome.
{Several moves turns are made in quick succession, and soon, Gunhaver has 12 HP, while Earthworm 3 has 4 HP. Earthworm 2 is dead and faded away, and Homsar's HP is unchanged.}
GUNHAVER: Oh man, I can't do it! I'll either miss or not kill the worm! I mean, they scored two freakin' critical hits in a row! And it doesn't help that the earthworm's knowledge made it stronger AND able to attack in the same turn!
HOMSAR: Why don't you just use your knowledge points?
GUNHAVER: Geez, I'm such an idiot!
HOMSAR: Go figure.
{Gunhaver goes into what appears to be a thinking pose. The words "Gunhaver uses Knowledge!" appear. Earthworm 3's HP goes down to 2 and the words "Earthworm 3 is disabled!" appear.}
HOMSAR: I'd compliment you on that, but you don't deserve it. Now, I shall kill this worm without any effort whatsoever.
{Cut to Homeschool and Homestar in the kitchen, which is relatively unchanged from the last time we saw it.}
HOMESCHOOL: It looks like it's time to take out the trash!
{Homestar gets up. Cut to outside the house, where there is a rubbish bin. Homestar is standing next to it with a smaller bin, and tips it in. Cut back to the kitchen, where Homestar sits down.}
HOMESCHOOL: Perfect! Now we can watch them fight.
{Cut back to Homsar and Gunhaver. Homsar attacks Earthworm 3 and the HP goes to down 0 and the worm fades away. The words "Homsar's Party Wins!" appear with victory music. "+100 EXP!" and "+1 LEVEL" appear over Homsar's head, and "+40 EXP!" appears over Gunhaver's head.}
HOMSAR: That was much easier then I expected. {looks at Gunhaver} You slowed me down, though.
GUNHAVER: No I didn't!
HOMSAR: You're just upset because I pwned you. {"+1 EXP!" appears over Homsar's head, and "-1 EXP." appears over Gunhaver's head. The words "pwned bonus" appear onscreen.}
GUNHAVER: Hey!
HOMSAR: Eh. Let's head off.
{Cut to a montage of Gunhaver and Homsar battling through the simulation to Mortal Kombat music. The first shot is of Homsar and Gunhaver at a training range. Homsar flings Squeaky at a target, and it hits the center. "+5 throwing ability" appears above his head. Squeaky then comes back to Homsar, who hands it to Gunhaver. Gunhaver takes Squeaky and throws it at the target, but misses and hits a bird. "-1 throwing ability" appears above his head.}
{After a transition, Gunhaver is in a battle with a small possum. He uses his dust attack, which blinds the possum. He then goes to attack, and kills the possum. Homsar gives the thumbs-up, and Gunhaver gets +5 exp.}
{After a transition, Gunhaver is climbing up a brick wall, which has some bricks sticking out. He dodges fireballs and falling boulders, swinging across bricks and kicking away birds, getting +1 exp. for each obstacle dodged. When he gets to the top, he flips over and lands on the other side, where Homsar is standing. Homsar points out the open door at the bottom of the wall. Cut to a close-up of Gunhaver, whose face starts turning red.}
{After a transition, Homsar and Gunhver are sliding down a large hill. They get to the bottom, tumble for a few meters, then hit a tree. The music fades out.}
HOMSAR: {shaking his head} Dang, yo. That was one long slide.
GUNHAVER: {moves mouth, nothing comes out}
HOMSAR: That's what you get for yelling so much at the wall. I warned you, but you continued to yell. Now, let's- {notices that the tree they hit is gone} Where did the tree go?
{Camera zooms out to view a large monster made of trees, rocks, dirt, and other nature-like items.}
HOMSAR: Crap.
{Text appears above the monster reading "Natural Monstrosity", as well as "30/30 HP". Gunhaver and Homsar's HP and names also appear above them.}
HOMSAR: There is certainly nothing natural about this thing. Got any ideas, Gunhaver?
{Gunhaver gives Homsar an angry stare.}
HOMSAR: Alrighty, no ideas. Well, let's see how much damage Squeaky can deal. But first, it's your turn, Gunhaver.
{Gunhaver puts his hand to his mouth, as if thinking. He pauses, and then silently yells and starts running away. The Monstrosity throws a tree in front of Gunhaver, stopping him. The text "Gunhaver's escape blocked" appears.}
HOMSAR: That plan didn't work either.
{The Monstrosity picks up Homsar with some roots, and smacks him on the ground several times. The roots snap off after a couple of seconds, and Homsar is free. Homsar loses 15 HP, but this decreases to 3 HP with Squeaky armor.}
HOMSAR: Well, that hurt a lot less then I would've imagined. Now...
{Homsar emits a warcry as he charges towards one of the Monstrosity's legs. As he hits the tree, he slices right through it. Not expecting this, he stumbles and falls. The Monstrosity roars and loses 10 HP. The text "Critical Hit: Acidic Pollutants" appears.}
HOMSAR: {slightly woozy, standing up} I guess all those Squeaky polishings paid off. Okay, Gunhaver, do whatever it is you do.
{Gunhaver pauses and then attempts to run away again, with the same results.}
HOMSAR: I swear, someday you're going to be the death of you.
{The Monstrosity grabs Homsar, throws him up, and punches him in the head. The Monstrosity yells as he loses 5 HP due to Squeaky. However, Squeaky falls off and hits Gunhaver in the head, knocking him out. Homsar loses another 3 HP and is dropped, which makes him lose 1 HP.}
HOMSAR: {disoriented} I... I'm really... guh. This is not going to end well. I gotta attack, so, I guess I'll... what else around here has Acidic Pollutants? {searches around, looks at Gunhaver} Of course! Gunhaver's jacket! That thing is so clean, he must clean it way too often.
{Homsar runs over and attempts to remove Gunhaver's jacket, but is unsuccessful.}
HOMSAR: Dang it! Now, if I know anything about Gunhaver, there's one thing that is the same across all universes. {pauses} Time to give Reynold his bi-hourly beating!
{Gunhaver suddenly wakes up and jumps up. He attempts to speak, but still cannot.}
HOMSAR: Quick! He's right through this leg, does a small jump and kicks Gunhaver towards the Monstrosity.
{Gunhaver starts to run, but falls, tumbles, and hits the tree. The parts of the tree which were hit by the jacket start burning away, as if acid touched it. A large crack is heard, the tree trunk snaps, and The Monstrosity starts to fall towards Homsar and Gunhaver.}
HOMSAR: This will only end-
{The Monstrosity falls on Homsar and Gunhaver, taking 10 HP from each of them. The Monstrosity loses 10 HP and rolls off.}
HOMSAR: {squished} That coulda been worse... {notices that there is a sword through his leg} That's gonna hurt. {Homsar loses 4 HP, and he pulls the sword out. His leg heals instantly. Homsar looks at the sword.} Well, it appears to be made from Earth metals, so it won't hurt the Monstrosity, but it should do good against other things. {opens his mouth and throws sword inside, then closes mouth} Gotta love hammerspace.
{The Monstrosity takes his butt and dies.}
{The Monstrosity, roaring, lifts up one of his arms, which is made up of boulders.}
HOMSAR: Not good!
{Homsar attempts to pull Gunhaver away but is unsuccessful. The Monstrosity's arm starts to come downwards.}
HOMSAR: I'm gonna regret this.
{Homsar bends down and starts rolling Gunhaver away with his head. Just as the Monstrosity's arm hits the ground, Homsar rolls Gunhaver out of range. The words "Natural Monstrosity missed!" flash onscreen. The rocks crumble away, leaving the Monstrosity with only one arm, a head and a torso.}
GUNHAVER: {sitting up} Have we escaped yet?
HOMSAR: Oh, look, he's talking again. We're saved.
GUNHAVER: You haven't saved us yet?! Lazy.
{The Monstrosity roars.}
HOMSAR: Well, I might as well, finish this guy off.
{Homsar starts to run towards the Monstrosity Squeaky-first, but he gets stopped by an invisible force half-way there. The words "Attack not yet charged!" appear over Homsar.}
HOMSAR: That's just great. I guess I'll just have to use the generic energy attack.
{Homsar shoots a bolt of energy at the Monstrosity, causing it to roar and lose 5 HP.}
HOMSAR: Okay, Gunhaver, you finish him- {turns around and notices that Gunhaver is gone} Gunhaver?
{"Gunhaver escaped!" appears on the top of the screen and slowly fades away.}
HOMSAR: Genius. Just genius.
{The Monstrosity twists around and knocks Homsar away.}
HOMSAR: {offscreen} Ow, my loss of three hit points! {The camera pans over to Homsar, and he loses 3 HP} Time to finish this guy off.
{Homsar jumps into the air in slow-motion and starts to spin around with one of his legs extended. He draws closer to the Monstrosity, and smashes its eyes off. He lands.}
HOMSAR: That went well.
{The Monstrosity roars and starts rolling towards Homsar, who simply jumps the Monstrosity. The Monstrosity continues to roll, until it falls off a very large cliff. A thud is heard, and "-5 HP" comes up near the cliff. Cut back to Homsar.}
HOMSAR: That was pretty cool. Hey, what's this? {notices a shield lying amongst some of the rubble of the stone arm} Cool, a shield, this thing is mine! {"Homsar got shield!" appears onscreen, and Homsar is automatically equipped with it.}
GUNHAVER: {walking on} And what's this? {walks over to some shrubs and pulls out a dagger}
GUNHAVER: {disappointedly} A dagger.
HOMSAR: Well, now that that's done with, let's move on!
{Fade to black, then back from black. Gunhaver and Homsar are standing front of a large temple. Homsar is holding a sword and a shield, while Gunhaver is holding a dagger.}
HOMSAR: Well, fighting that mini-boss was definetely worth it. Look at these cool items!
GUNHAVER: {bluntly} I got a dagger.
HOMSAR: {not caring} Yeah, it was fun. Well, here's the Earth Shrine, the first dungeon. Let's head to it.
{Cue creepy dungeon music.}
{The camera zooms into a wall. There are three counters in the bottom right: Time, Rooms and Exp. Gained. The camera zooms out from the wall. The room is fairly large and dank, and there is a treasure chest in the center. Gunhaver and Homsar walk in.}
GUNHAVER: But seriously, how are you supposed to open the treasure chest without any hands?
HOMSAR: Who told you that?
{When Homsar gets cloe to the treasure chest, it opens by itself. A green light comes out of the treasure chest and flies over Homsar and Gunhaver. The words "Homsar and Gunhaver get Earth Power!" appear.}
HOMSAR: Wow, it's really green in here. {green light disappears}
GUNHAVER: Neat! We got weapons and Magic Points! I wonder what this does?
{Gunhaver, disappointadly, starts shooting dust from his hands. A green meter appears above his head and goes down slightly. "Gunhaver uses Dust Attack" appears appears on screen.}
GUNHAVER: Oh man! I wasted MP for this crap???
HOMSAR: Well, let's see what I can do.
{Homsar starts to focus intently on something and the ground starts shaking. "Homsar uses Earthquake" appears, and a green meter (longer than Gunhaver's) appears above Homsar's head, and it depletes slightly. Soon there is a large earthquake which stops after a few seconds. A wall in the room falls apart, revealing a hidden passageway.}
HOMSAR: Well, whaddaya know. {to Gunhaver} Let's go!
{As Homsar and Gunhaver walk down the passageway, the camera quickly turns around, goes out of the temple, around to another side, through a crack in the wall and into a large cavern. There is a large golem in the center, with "Earth Demon" above it, and "4/80 HP". Homsar and Gunhaver, looking rather small, are standing in front of him.}
HOMSAR: Looks like my Earthquake was super-effective!
{Homsar runs towards the Earth Demon Squeaky-first, and the Earth Demon crumbles into rocks.}
HOMSAR: Well, that took a while, but I'm sure we'll have some form of fulfilling reward!
{A human child, presumably Eco, comes running out of a passageway.}
HOMSAR: This better not be our only reward, or I'm going to kill somebody.
{Cut to Eco walking out of the temple. Homsar and Gunhaver soon follow. Homsar is covered in a red, blood-like substance. Cut to a closeup of Homsar.}
HOMSAR: Man, I've never seen so much ketchup! {to Gunhaver} I wonder what kinds of positive effects we'll get from the earth, now that Eco has the Earth Medallion?
GUNHAVER: Yeah, but I'm disappointed that I'm just the supporting guy. I just wish I am the main guy who gets to kill all of the enemies.
HOMSAR: Well, you can't win at everything.
GUNHAVER: That is SO corny!
HOMSAR: No it isn't. Now let's go to the water place.
{Cut to Homeschool and Homestar back at the kitchen. Most of the popcorn and Aldi Brand Cola has been eaten and drunk, and there is rubbish all over the table.}
HOMESCHOOL: Well, that was pretty cool.
HOMESTAR: Yeah, I liked the part with the dog.
HOMESCHOOL: That's... great.
{After a few seconds the camera cuts to Homsar standing at the random location.}
HOMSAR: Well, the movie is two thirds done. I'm sorry that I couldn't get it all finished, but I swear, it'll be done by next... um... time! {Homsar walks out of shot. "View Next Section" fades in, as well as "Back" and "Again?" buttons. Clicking on "View New Section" will start the next part.}
Part 3
{Cut back to Homsar's kitchen. Homeschool is sitting on his chair, legs on the table, snoring. Homestar is sleeping on the table itself. There are some faint sounds coming from the computer. Homeschool stops storing, blinks viciously and jumps up, knocking the table and knocking Homestar off.}
HOMESTAR: Oof!
{Homestar groggily stands up and moves next to Homeschool.}
HOMESTAR: I had the cwaziest dweam! I was in a bathtub, and it was filled with this {holds up a can of Aldi Brand Cola} Aldi Bwand Cola, {throws can away} and then Stinkoman came up to me and-
HOMESCHOOL: Look, the fact that Stinkoman was involved is creepy enough, yet alone the fact you were in a bathtub at the time. {glances at the Rocko 1024} Man, how long is this movie? It feels like it's been going for hours.
HOMESTAR: I'll go get some more snacks! {runs off}
HOMESCHOOL: Thanks goodness for that. {yawns}
{The camera moves around and zooms back into the screen of the Rocko. Homsar and Gunhaver are walking down a beach.}
HOMSAR: Dangit, where's that boss? I could've swore we've passed this spot at least seventeen times.
GUNHAVER: I counted eighteen.
HOMSAR: I suppose we aren't getting much done here. Let's go and get-
{A vortex of sand suddenly appears beneath Homsar and Gunhaver, and they fall into it. Screaming is heard, then the vortex closes. A few seconds pass, then they are both shot out of the sea almost directly upwards. Cut to a close-up of Gunhaver and Homsar.}
HOMSAR: {yelling} I think we found the boss!
GUNHAVER: {yelling} You think?!
{Cut to the water surface. Homsar and Gunhaver come zooming down, then hit the water, not going through.}
HOMSAR: {weakly} The water... in this game... is of questionable programmility.
GUNHAVER: {weakly} I think my headset thing came off. You said "programmility", right?
{Homsar gets up slowly while Gunhaver remains on the water.}
GUNHAVER: Little help?
{Homsar grabs Gunhaver's hand and helps him up.}
GUNHAVER: Okay, now that that unple- HOLY CRAP, LOOK OUT!
{Gunhaver runs towards Homsar and shoves him out of the way of a car that was heading towards him. The car barely misses both Homsar and Gunhaver.}
HOMSAR: Wow. That was really... something. Why'd you-
GUNHAVER: You can thank me later. What we should be doing is questioning why a car nearly ran you over, considering we're standing on an ocean!
HOMSAR: Well, conveniently enough-
{The same car zooms back at Gunhaver and Homsar. It hits Gunhaver and Homsar, but they don't move. The car goes right through them. Homsar and Gunhaver start coughing.}
HOMSAR: {wheezing} It would appear... that the car... was made of water.
GUNHAVER: {wheezing} Do you suppose... it has anything... to do with the fact... that there's a... HUGE FREAKIN' MANTIS BEHIND US?
HOMSAR: You know, it just might. This must be the water boss, seeing as it's made out of water.
GUNHAVER: As opposed to it being the fire boss.
HOMSAR: Touché.
{The scene transforms into a battle - Homsar's and Gunhaver's stats come up above them.}
HOMSAR (Protagonist) Level 37 37,290 exp. +27 Attack +25 Defense +25 Speed +29 Knowledge 370/399 HP GUNHAVER (Sidekick) Level 34 34,959 exp. +26 Attack +25 Defense +23 Speed +29 Knowledge 256/300 HP
HOMSAR: See? I told you your stats had improved!
{The Mantis' stats also appear above the Mantis.}
WATER MANTIS (Water Demon) Level 50 50,000 exp. +30 Attack +30 Defense +30 Speed +30 Knowledge 500/500 HP
GUNHAVER: {offscreen} Aw, crap.
{Cut back to Homsar and Gunhaver.}
HOMSAR: Now, not to worry - since this is water, it's weak against earth for some raisen. I have my previously obtained Earth Sword, while you have-
GUNHAVER: -nothing good!
HOMSAR: Rocks. You have rocks.
GUNHAVER: Like I said; nothing good!
HOMSAR: Now, both me and the Water Mantis have the same speed, but because it has a higher level, it'll attack first. It'll also probably attack you, because you have the lowest speed. Now, I suggest that you-
GUNHAVER: Look, I don't want to use these stinkin' rocks! You can just take these rocks- {pulls some rocks out of hammerspace and holds them in front of him} -and shove them down your pointy pants!| HOMSAR: GUNHAVER: WATER MANTIS: | 370/399 HP 256/300 HP 500/500 HP |
{Text appears saying "READY", "SET" and "START PLAY!"}
HOMSAR: Uh, Gunhaver?
GUNHAVER: What?!
{The Water Mantis suddenly swings around and smacks Gunhaver with one of its legs, a wall of water. It screeches as it hits the rocks, and Gunhaver yells in surprise. The Water Mantis tumbles, as does Gunhaver. Gunhaver drops his rocks and they fall through the surface of the ocean. Gunhaver loses 25 HP, while the Water Mantis loses 15 HP.}
HOMSAR: It's my turn now! {unsheaths his Earth Sword from his mouth}
{Homsar runs towards the Water Mantis just as it is recovering. Homsar swings back the sword and slices it through the leg that hit Gunhaver. The Water Mantis howls, and the leg disappears in an explosion of water. Homsar is hit by the water and loses 5 HP, while the Water Mantis loses 27 HP. The words "Critical Hit!" flash, and the Water Mantis loses another 27 HP.}
HOMSAR: Gunhaver! You're up!
GUNHAVER: {leaps up} Uh... what should I attack him with? I dropped the pathetic rocks when I got attacked!
HOMSAR: Here!
{Homsar throws the Earth Sword towards Gunhaver, but it falls into hundreds of pieces which sink into the ocean. The message "CANNOT TRANSFER WEAPONS DURING BATTLE" appears.}
HOMSAR: Oop. I suppose you'll have to use that generic dirt storm you obtained a while ago.
GUNHAVER: {sarcastically} Thank you for that information, you generic protagonist!
{Gunhaver shoots a cloud of dust out of hands towards the Water Mantis. It causes the Water Mantis to screech and lose 16 HP.}
GUNHAVER: 16 HP? I've done more damage to Reynold with my bare hands!| HOMSAR: GUNHAVER: WATER MANTIS: | 365/399 HP 231/300 HP 425/500 HP |
{Gunhaver lowers his hands and the dust fades away. There are blobs of dirt inside the Water Mantis, which agitate it greatly. "Water Mantis has been poisioned!" It loses an additional 5 HP.}
HOMSAR: Good work, Gunhaver!
GUNHAVER: Did you just give me a compliment? Somebody hit me!
{At that point, the Water Mantis brings one of its arms down on Gunhaver. The massive force of water causes Gunhaver to break the surface of the ocean, and he falls through. A few seconds pass, then Gunhaver comes back up and the surface tension of the ocean is restored. Gunhaver coughs a few times, then faints. "Sidekick has been paralysed for a turn!" Gunhaver loses 15 HP, and the Water Mantis loses 6 HP from the poison.}
HOMSAR: Well, I'm swordless, dirtless, and pretty much Earth-weapon-less. Time to use Squeaky!| HOMSAR: GUNHAVER: WATER MANTIS: | 364/399 HP 231/300 HP 413/500 HP |
{Homsar charges towards the Water Mantis. He dives through the arm which slammed down on Gunhaver. However, this has little effect. The Water Mantis loses 5 HP, the text "Attack not effective!" appears, and as Homsar exits the Water Mantis, he hits his head on the surface of the ocean, causing Homsar to lose 1 HP. The Water Mantis loses another 7 HP from the poison. A few seconds pass, then the message "Sidekick is paralysed!" appears.}
HOMSAR: I can only presume that that means that Gunhaver's turn is skipped. You know what that means! {Homsar starts dancing}
{Cut back to Homsar's kitchen, where Homeschool and Homestar are watching. There is a large pile of snacks and beverages taking up a corner of the kitchen. Homestar is munching on some chocolate.}
HOMESTAR: Yeah! Shake those pointy pants! Do that butt dance! {starts dancing}
HOMESCHOOL: What on earth is he doing?
HOMESTAR: I dunno. Maybe he's just "pyschoing" him out.
HOMESCHOOL: That's... actually pretty smart.
HOMESTAR: Yeah, he does a lot of smart things. He's my bwudder!
HOMESCHOOL: No, I mean, you saying that. What Homsar is doing is just... lunacy.
{Cut back to Homsar. He is still dancing.}
HOMSAR: {thinking} Come on, please work. Just make him walk away.
{The Water Mantis shoots a jet of water out of its mouth, knocking Homsar backwards several meters.}
HOMSAR: It... didn't... work.
{Homsar loses 22 HP, and the Water Mantis loses 8 HP due to the poison. Gunhaver suddenly stands up as the message "Sidekick is no longer paralysed!" appears.}
GUNHAVER: That was refreshing. Who knew that water could clean?
HOMSAR: Hey, Gunhaver! Can I borrow some of your dirt?
GUNHAVER: After what happened to your sword? No dice, pal.
HOMSAR: I suppose I should find what dirt I can find. {Homsar reaches into his mouth and searches around a bit. He ends up finding a vacuum cleaner.}
GUNHAVER: Dare I ask?
HOMSAR: Beats me. Although it may have been-
{Cut to greyscale footage of Homsar sleeping in his bed. He is snoring. Homeschool sneaks up with a wallet and throws it into Homsar's mouth. Homestar then comes in with a torch and throws it in. Homeschool and Homestar repeat this process with many other items, including a Rubix Cube, a blender, and a vacuum cleaner. Cut back to Homsar.}
HOMSAR: ...
GUNHAVER: How relevant.
HOMSAR: Well, it's a good thing this vacuum goes in reverse! {flips the switch on the vacuum, and turns it on}
{Nothing happens!}
GUNHAVER: Do you see any power supplies around here, genius?!
HOMSAR: {dismantling the vacuum cleaner} Lousy... power supply... dirt... here we go!
{Homsar grabs handfuls of dirt out of the vacuum cleaner and throws them at the Water Mantis. As he screeches, he loses 13 HP, and a message appears saying "Water Mantis has been poisoned x2!" One of the mantis' arms starts eroding away, and the Water Mantis swings it over Homsar and Gunhaver.}
BOTH: Crap.| HOMSAR: GUNHAVER: WATER MANTIS: | 354/399 HP 221/300 HP 384/500 HP |
{The entire arm falls off the Water Mantis and comes straight down onto Gunhaver and Homsar, taking 10 HP off both of them. The Water Mantis loses 8 HP from Gunhaver's poison, and another 8 HP from Homsar's poison.}
GUNHAVER: Okay, this is getting nowhere fast. Time to use... MEGA DIRT TORNADO!
{The ocean starts to spurt waves as the earth beneath it rumbles. The surface tension of the water starts to break, but suddenly some dirt comes up beneath Gunhaver and Homsar and forms a small island. The ocean rumbles loader, and as some large waves start to form, mass amounts of dirt come up from underneath the water and form a tornado around the Water Mantis. The tornado goes faster and faster, then it implodes. The ocean stops rumbling, the waves stop, the surface tension is restored, and the island disappears. When the dirt clears, the Water Mantis is almost completely filled with mud. It attempts to wail, but only succeeds in spurting out mud. Soon, all parts of the Water Mantis start eroding away, with mud dropping into the ocean and falling through.}
HOMSAR: File:eeper.png
{The Water Mantis rumbles and explodes in a huge explosion of mud. The explosion is so large that Homsar and Gunhaver are pushed back onto a sand dune near the beach. Homsar loses 100 HP, Gunhaver loses 34 HP and the Water Mantis loses 476 HP.}| HOMSAR: GUNHAVER: WATER MANTIS: | 254/399 HP 187/300 HP -92/500 HP |
HOMSAR: {stunned} When did you pick up that ability?
GUNHAVER: It was wedged between those rocks that I got in the form of a chocolate ice cream. I ate it, only to discover it was just dirt shaped like ice cream.
HOMSAR: That would explain all the yelling and cursing I heard.
GUNHAVER: Well, I hope you enjoyed it, because that was a one use only ability.
HOMSAR: Does that mean you won't be swearing anymore?
GUNHAVER: We'll see about that you son of a-
{A loud gong interrupts Gunhaver.}
HOMSAR: Well, let's see what stats we got.
{Their obtained stats appear on the screen.}
Homsar earned +500 experience points and +1 speed! Gunhaver earned +1500 experience points, +2 attack and +1 knowledge!
HOMSAR: That's like, what, the first time you got more than I do!
GUNHAVER: Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
{Another messages comes up showing what abilites they earnt.}
Homsar: Water jet, water slide Sidekick: Bubble blast Party: Dodo
GUNHAVER: Dodo? Didn't those go extinct?
{In the background, a young boy is seen running towards Gunhaver and Homsar. They notice and turn around.}
HOMSAR: I swear, if we have to take care of one more child, I'll break their-
{The scene pauses, and a pause symbol appears in the bottom right corner.}
HOMESCHOOL: {offscreen} You reckon we can skip scenes on this thing?
HOMESTAR: {offscreen} I know! We can use the "skip scene" button! Huzzah!
HOMESCHOOL: {offscreen} Ugh. Great idea.
HOMESTAR: {offscreen} Yay! I feel smart.
HOMESCHOOL: {offscreen, muttering} Don't get used to it...
{A click is heard, and the scene suddenly changes to Homsar and Gunhaver walking through a dark corridor.}
HOMESTAR: {offscreen} Borwing!
{Another click is heard, and the scene changes to Homsar and Gunhaver chasing after a owl, which has a sandwich in its claws.}
HOMESTAR: {offscreen} I don't like Animal Planet. Too many boids.
{Another click is heard, and the scene changes to Homsar and Gunhaver facing red versions of Homsar and Gunhaver.}
HOMESCHOOL: {offscreen} Hey, this looks interesting!
{Another click is heard, and the scene starts playing.}
HOMSAR: -that, you generic evil Gunhaver!
{A HP counter above Evil Gunhaver's head goes down to 0, and he disappears.}| HOMSAR: GUNHAVER: EVIL HOMSAR: | 129/422 HP 127/378 HP 56/422 HP |
GUNHAVER: Now it's just you and me, and the real version of you, Homsar!
HOMSAR: Since we're versing the evil version of you, we can finish him off with a team attack.
GUNHAVER: Sounds like a plan!| HOMSAR: GUNHAVER: EVIL HOMSAR: | 149/442 HP 147/398 HP -1/422 HP |
{Gunhaver jumps on top of Homsar, and they both start charging up. Soon, a blue glow is around them, and then they both shoot jets of water out of their hands (well, Gunhaver's hands, and Homsar's... something) towards evil Gunhaver. His health quickly descends to below 0 HP. He fades away, and a messages comes up giving both Homsar and Gunhaver 20 extra health points. Gunhaver hops off of Homsar.}
HOMSAR: Well, now that we've got that ridiculously cliché cliché out of the way, where to now?
GUNHAVER: Well, according to GameQUACKs, this game doesn't exist!
HOMSAR: That doesn't seem very helpful.
GUNHAVER: You'd think so wouldn'tcha.
{There is a pause, then Homsar starts chasing after Gunhaver, both zapping each-other occasionally.}
HOMSAR: I'll give you help!
GUNHAVER: I think you're beyond help!
{There is a pause. Like, an actual pause. You can see the pause indicator and everything.}
HOMESCHOOL: {offscreen} How does Homsar work under those conditions? It's something to be wondered about.
{A click is heard and the scene changes to Homsar and Gunhaver walking through another dark corridor. Multiple more clicks are heard, but the scene remains the same.}
HOMESCHOOL: {offscreen} Wha... Homestar, have you been playing with this thing!
HOMESTAR: {offscreen} Indoobitably!
HOMESCHOOL: {offscreen} Eh, guess we'll just have to watch it without skipping any scenes from here.
{A click is heard and the scene plays.}
HOMSAR: ...and that's when I got the DNA evidence anaylsed.
GUNHAVER: Man, how much longer will this corridor go? I don't want to have to listen to your lame and probably false stories!
HOMSAR: I take offence.
GUNHAVER: You should.
HOMSAR: I will then.
GUNHAVER:' You do that.
{Homsar and Gunhaver stop walking and there is a silence for a few seconds.}
HOMSAR: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmkay. Moving on then!
{Homsar turns around to continue walking but slams into a rock wall. The camera zooms out to show that they are at a dead end, and there is a single stalagmite and stalactite.}
HOMSAR: A dead end, eh' 'haver? Well, I guess we'll just have to go all the way back down the corridor and you can listen to some more stories of mine.
GUNHAVER: Not on my life. Besides, there's an inscription here!
{Homsar leans forward and has a look at it.}
HOMSAR: Well, here is the last puzzle.
GUNHAVER: Isn't the level supposed to be finished after we kill the boss?
HOMSAR: Not this time. Now, {indicating inscription} let's read this and take on the final riddle. {reading} Sidekick, if thee destroy doth stalagmite, thee shall pass. If thee destroy doth stalactite, thee and thee partner shall die. {talking} Wow, this Old English sucks. I mean, "thee" and "doth" are used incorrectly!
GUNHAVER: {worried} Uh... this means I'm responsible for our lives, right?
HOMSAR: Well, if you destroy the stalagmite, and not the stalactite, then you will let us pass. If you destroy the stalactite, then we die.
GUNHAVER: So... is the stalagmite the ones that come from the ceiling?
{Homsar is about to open his mouth, when suddenly, he gets shocked by electricity. The words "HP -10" fly from Homsar.}
GUNHAVER: Well, that's very helpful. Maybe I should use that Occult item I got from the burning cliff.
HOMSAR: {sighs} How many times do I have to tell you? That thing will kill you. You'll lose HP when you give it to another person or enemy. It's useless in this situation.
HOMESCHOOL: {offscreen} You tell him, Homsar!
GUNHAVER: {angry} It's not like you're coming up with any freakin' ideas!
HOMSAR: {annoyed} Well sorry we got stuck here in this freakin' dank simulation!
GUNHAVER: {angry} Fine! I'm just gonna shoot randomly, then!
{Gunhaver goes to the stalagmite and holds his hand out at the stalagmite. The words "Sidekick used Bubble Blast!" appear as Gunhaver shoots a large beam of bubbles at the stalagmite, depleting his MP meter by 1/5. Suddenly, the stalagmite turns to dust as the words "The stalagmite has been eroded!" appear. Suddenly, the wall with the inscription crumbles.}
HOMSAR: {sarcastic} ice job, Gunhaver! You solved the riddle without killing us both!
GUNHAVER: Actually, I think I got lucky. Anyway, let's go.
{Homsar and Gunhaver walk out of the tunnel through the new opening. They face a huge castle which is surrounded by a multicoloured ocean.}
GUNHAVER: Wow. That is one freakin huge castle!
HOMSAR: That's one freakin' imposing background!
GUNHAVER: Race you inside.
{Homsar and Gunhaver run into the entrance of a castle and stop at a map.}
GUNHAVER: Man, this castle has 10 whole levels in it!
HOMSAR: And according to this indicator, the boss is on level 10! We'll have to go through level 9 to reach it!
GUNHAVER: {slightly annoyed} And all subsequent levels. That's just great. We'll be here forever.
HOMSAR: Nonsense. It's a well known fact that all castles have secret passageways to shorten any long paths. I'll just run into walls at random to prove this.
{Homsar runs from one side of the hall to the other, ramming into random places in the wall with Squeaky. At the seventeenth wall, he runs straight through.}
GUNHAVER: I'll admit, that was somewhat cool. {follows}
{Cut to the other side of the wall Homsar and Gunhaver ran through. There is a sign that reads "LEVEL 9". At the end of the corridor there is a flight of stairs that leads up.}
HOMSAR: Hmm... Whoever knew that the wall was invisible?
GUNHAVER: No one. It was just luck.
{Suddenly, Gyro appears in front of Gunhaver and Homsar.}
GYRO: Hello heroes. I have been expecting you.
GUNHAVER: {shocked} Gyro??? What the crap are you doing here??? Aren't you supposed to be kidnapped?
{Gyro walks over to Homsar and Gunhaver. Gyro looks disorganized, tired, and dirty. His clothes are in tatters, and the right lens of his glasses is broken.}
GYRO: Gunhaver! There's not much time! You don't know what you're up against!
GUNHAVER: Sure I do! The Ocean King!
GYRO: Forget about the Ocean King!
HOMSAR: Um, should I be involved in this somehow interesting conversation?
GYRO: No! Get lost, you freak! I need privacy!
HOMSAR: Meh. Fine.
{Homsar walks down the hallway and the camera follows him.}
HOMSAR: {muttering} Stupid Gunhaver and his friend... leave me to get the boss key all by myself...
{Homsar walks past several non-descript doors before stopping at one that is non-non-descript.}
HOMSAR: It would appear that this door is slightly different from the rest. In I go!
{Homsar opens the door and walks through. The door slams behind him.}
HOMSAR: That can't be good.
HOMSAR (Protagonist) Level 39 39,588 exp. +29 Attack +26 Defense +28 Speed +31 Knowledge 488/517 HP GUNHAVER [unavailable] (Sidekick) Level 38 38,002 exp. +30 Attack +25 Defense +24 Speed +37 Knowledge 444/502 HP
{The center of the floor opens up, and a huge snake comes out of the resulting hole. The snake has 9 lines encircling various parts of its body, dividing it into 10 different sections.}
| HOMSAR: GUNHAVER: SAARGTSNAKE: | 488/517 HP ---/--- HP 666/666 HP |
SAARGTSNAKE (Serpent of Hell) Level 66 66,666 exp. +66 Attack +66 Defense +66 Speed +66 Knowledge 666/666 HP
HOMSAR: Great. Not only am I stuck here with an enemy about twice as strong as me, but Gunhaver isn't here to help.
{Text appears saying "READY", "SET" and "START PLAY!" The middle of the floor closes up again.}
HOMSAR: Oh, boy.
{Homsar runs away from the snake, but gets whipped by its tail. He loses 50 HP.}| HOMSAR: GUNHAVER: SAARGTSNAKE: | 438/517 HP ---/--- HP 666/666 HP |
HOMSAR: Crap! How am I meant to defeat something with about a billion times more attacks than me? Suppose I best do something...
{Homsar charges towards one of the middle sections of the snake and hits it dead-on with Squeaky. The snake makes a small roar and whips Homsar into a wall. The snake loses 10 HP and Homsar loses 40 HP.}| HOMSAR: GUNHAVER: SAARGTSNAKE: | 398/517 HP ---/--- HP 656/666 HP |
HOMSAR: Gah. Better try that on the last section instead.
{Homsar proceeds to do the same thing to the last section of the tail. It comes right off and disintegrates. Homsar jumps out of the way before the snake can whip him again.}
HOMSAR: Take that, bud!
{A message comes up saying "Critical Hit!" and the snake loses 60 HP. Another message comes up saying "Saargtsnake missed!"}| HOMSAR: GUNHAVER: SAARGTSNAKE: | 398/517 HP ---/--- HP 596/666 HP |
HOMSAR: Rinse and repeat.
{Homsar runs towards the ninth segment of the snake. The snake quickly raises its tail and brings it down on Homsar.}
HOMSAR: {painfully} Ow... that sucks.
{Homsar loses 44 HP.}| HOMSAR: GUNHAVER: SAARGTSNAKE: | 354/517 HP ---/--- HP 596/666 HP |
HOMSAR: Okay, there's bound to be a way to defeat the snake... how does the song go again? {mumbles a song to self} Of course! Mushroom! Mega Mushroom Upgrade!
{Homsar turns into a very large version of Homsar, almost touching the ceiling. Squeaky remains the same size.}
HOMSAR: Hah! Now that I'm jumbo/LARGE, I can crush you!
{Homsar crushes the snake's ninth, eighth, seventh and sixth sections. The snake roars in pain and bites into Homsar's leg.}
HOMSAR: AH! THE PAIN, THAT IS NOT HEALTHY! WAAAAAAAAH! {starts running around the room, confusing the snake}
{The snake loses 232 HP and Homsar loses 20 HP. A message appears saying "Homsar has been infected with a compound poison!" Homsar loses 1 HP from this. Homsar continues to run in circles around the snake screaming, making the snake dizzy. Homsar stops running and shrinks back to his normal size. A message appears saying "Homsar has forfeited his turn!"}| HOMSAR: GUNHAVER: SAARGTSNAKE: | 354/517 HP ---/--- HP 364/666 HP |
HOMSAR: I what?! Come on, I wasn't running around for that long!
{The snake, still dizzy, goes to bite Homsar again, but accidentally swirls around and bites his own tail, making his fifth section fall off and crumble. The snake once again roars in pain as he loses 100 HP. Homsar loses 2 HP from the poison.}| HOMSAR: GUNHAVER: SAARGTSNAKE: | 352/517 HP ---/--- HP 264/666 HP |
HOMSAR: Take that, sucka! Time to use my Mega Dirt Vornado!
{Homsar opens his mouth and a hurricane of dirt surrounds the snake. The snake roars and spins around, trying to get out of it. In the process he hits the wall, breaking off his fourth segment. This segment flies off and hits Homsar before falling apart.}
HOMSAR: {painfully} That is really quite painful. This game is a little too real for my liking.
{After another ten seconds, the tornado stops and all the dirt drops to the floor. A message appears saying "Earth attack used on Earth creature! No effect!" The snake loses 18 HP and Homsar loses 36 HP, followed by another 4 HP from the poison.}
HOMSAR: I'm not really liking my odds at this point.
{Homsar ducks as the snake's tail flies towards him, knocking Squeaky off. "Saargtsnake missed!" Homsar loses 8 HP.}
HOMSAR: Squeaky! Homsar runs over to grab Squeaky but slips on the dirt. "Homsar missed!" Homsar loses 16 HP.| HOMSAR: GUNHAVER: SAARGTSNAKE: | 288/517 HP ---/--- HP 256/666 HP |
{Wah, this is really not my day.}
HOMSAR: Homsar reaches over and grabs-
HOMESCHOOL: {offscreen} What the heck? Stupid subtitler! {scene wobbles as a smacking noise is heard}
{-Squeaky, just as the snake goes to crush Homsar. Instead of hitting Homsar, the snake hits Squeaky, causing the snake to lose 30 HP. Homsar loses 32 HP.}| HOMSAR: GUNHAVER: SAARGTSNAKE: | 256/517 HP ---/--- HP 226/666 HP |
HOMSAR: {thinking} At this rate, I'll be dead before I can kill the Saargtsnake. I could really use some sort of deus ex machina right about now...
{Nothing happens.}
HOMSAR: Maybe if I wait just a bit longer...
{Still nothing.}
HOMSAR: Well, I'm sure it won't hurt to wait just a little bit-
{Look, Homsar, nothing's happening. GOT IT?!}
HOMSAR: Okay, weird game description thing. I think it's time to tackle this problem from the inside. DaAaAaAaAa!
{Homsar runs screaming towards the snake. As the snake roars, Homsar runs straight into its mouth. Cut to the inside of the snake.}
HOMSAR: Ew... well, let's see what I can do!
{Homsar starts head-butting the snake with Squeaky, causing the snake to roar out in pain and lose 20 HP each time Homsar head-butted it. After doing this 9 times, Homsar is suddenly ejected.}
HOMSAR: Wheeeeeeeeeee-OW!
{Ejected into a wall, that is. Homsar loses 25 HP, as well as another 64 HP. The snake's third and section sections disintegrate from Homsar's head-butting.}| HOMSAR: GUNHAVER: SAARGTSNAKE: | 231/517 HP ---/--- HP 46/666 HP |
HOMSAR: Uh-oh, I've made it angry now.
{Homsar runs around the room, running away from the persuing snake. The snake finally catches up and head-butts Homsar, causing him to lose his balance and causing Squeaky to fall off. Homsar slams into the door head-first. Homsar loses 63 HP plus another 128 HP. The snake loses 13 HP from all the chasing and friction against the ground.}| HOMSAR: GUNHAVER: SAARGTSNAKE: | 40/517 HP ---/--- HP 33/666 HP |
HOMSAR: {weakly} Man, I think this is the end. {sings the Mario "game over" theme} Man, my throat is sore...
{Homsar coughs up a huge chunk of dirt which is covered in a green liquid. It hits the snake directly in the face. The snake starts to roar as it melts away, leaving only a small chest.| HOMSAR: GUNHAVER: SAARGTSNAKE: | 40/517 HP ---/--- HP 0/666 HP |
HOMSAR: Score!
{The scene fades to blue, and Homsar appears jumping up on the left side of the screen. The right side of the screen reads "YOU GOT A SMALL CHEST!" The scene fades back to normal.}
HOMSAR: Let's open this thing up.
{Homsar opens the chest, and a bunch of items spring out as the chest disappears. A message appears.}
YOU GET: - Team health potion - Ocean Thunderstorm ability - +2 attack - +1 defence - +500 experience - Boss key
HOMSAR: Whee... I guess I better use this health potion before I die...
{Another message comes up, giving Homsar and Gunhaver an extra 50 HP, re-filling their health and mana and curing all poisons. The entrance to the room automatically unlocks and swings open.}
HOMSAR: Off I go then...
{Homsar wobbles into the hallway and goes up the stairs to level 10. Just in front of him is a large, wooden door with a lock in it.}
HOMSAR: Well, that didn't take too much effort, I guess. I'll still have to make Gunhaver feel bad though, so I better make out like I did much more than I actually did. Pshoooo...
{After a few seconds, Gunhaver walks onscreen.}
HOMSAR: What the crap took you so long? I had to fight all of the monsters and traps by myself!
GUNHAVER: I know you're trying to make me feel bad, so shut up.
HOMSAR: All right, then... Look, I have the Boss Key. I'm being generous enough not to lock you out. Now, come on.
{Homsar gets out his boss key, which disappears as the door swings open. Homsar and Gunhaver walk in and see the Ocean King playing an organ.}
GUNHAVER: That is some really terrible organ music.
HOMSAR: It's going to give me massive organ failure soon.
{The Ocean King vaporizes the organ and begins to speak.}
OCEAN KING: Ah, Homsar and Gunhaver...
GUNHAVER: You know my name???
HOMSAR: What did I tell you about dialogue in RPG games, Gunhaver?
OCEAN KING: ...let's cut to the crap! It's time for me to kill you!
{The Ocean King swings around to face Homsar and Gunhaver, revealing his face. Homsar and Gunhaver are shocked.}
HOMSAR: Beta Clam!
GUNHAVER: {simultaneously} Grandpa! I mean, Alpha Stan!
OCEAN KING: You're BOTH wrong! I am Beta Oyster, controller of all Beta Clam units in the known universe, the programmer and hacker of the Legion of Tribulation; the Ocean King, the evil behind the deterioration of Slightly-in-the-Middle Earth, and the creator, brain, and heart of this simulation!
HOMSAR: Simulation??? You mean this isn't a game???
GUNHAVER: No way! I actually started to enjoy being in an RPG game!
BETA OYSTER: I'm afraid not. This is an elaborate plan set up by the Legion of Tribulation.
GUNHAVER: Who's-
HOMSAR: Look, that's great and all, but you can explain all you want to Gunhaver later. I really don't care.
GUNHAVER: Shut up! I want information!
BETA OYSTER: Well, you see;
{Beta Oyster is suddenly cut off as he goes into fast-forward.}
GUNHAVER: Uh... are you getting any off that?
HOMSAR: No, but I think it's an indication that he's been taking to much medication. Or not enough.
{Beta Oyster eventually slows back to normal speed.}
BETA OYSTER: ...and because of that, you will use the Occult Hand, which will make you sacrifice yourself in order for Homsar, meaning that you will die permanently, thus making our plans for world domination easier.
GUNHAVER: {sarcastically} Ah, that explains everything. I'll be sure to wreck the day when I get back.
BETA OYSTER: If you get back, you mean.
HOMSAR: Well, with my help and experience, I, and probably Gunhaver, will defeat you!
GUNHAVER: {annoyed} Hey...
BETA OYSTER: Not if I can help it! Yah!
{Beta Oyster shoots a purple beam at Gunhaver. A small explosion is heard. When the beam disappears, Gunhaver looks fine, but there is smoke coming out of his jacket pocket.}
GUNHAVER: What's going on? How come there's no text announcing anything?
HOMSAR: And there goes the Jibberish-To-English converter.
GUNHAVER: Oh man! I actually understand what that creep did to me!
{Beta Oyster throws off his cloak, revealing a body with black, spiky, battle armor. In place of the head, there are blue eyes and a mouth.}
BETA OYSTER: Let the battle begin.
HOMSAR: ...O DER.
{Just as the battle begins, everything becomes fast-forwarded. Everybody attacks, but since Gunhaver can't understand Homsar, they can't fight effectively together, occassionally fighting eachother. Eventally Beta Oyster dies, but is replace by his second form. As time passes, Beta Oyster Homsar and Gunhaver manage to coordinate, destroyed Beta Oyster's second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth and ninth forms. After the ninth form is defeated, time slows back down to normal. Beta Oyster's tenth form is a gigantic pair of blue eyes and a mouth which floats above the ground.}
BETA OYSTER: Grr... Nothing is going right... However, I'm sure that I will still be able to crush you! I have full health and unlimited moves, and you are dwindled to the last of your HP and MP! Who cares about the fast-forwards?
GUNHAVER: {panting} Don't worry. Homsar will provide some deus ex machina... right?
{The amount of HP each fighter has appears, and Gunhaver notices the amount of HP Homsar has.}| HOMSAR: GUNHAVER: BETA OYSTER: | 20/567 HP 1/552 HP 65535/65535 HP |
GUNHAVER: Oh... I guess I must've hit you too hard, eh?
HOMSAR: You suck and I hate you and I'll kill you if we make it out of this alive.
GUNHAVER: {sighs} Maybe I have to use that Occult Hand thing, right?
BETA OYSTER: Absolutely right, but luckily, it's Homsar's turn, and then yours, so the last moments of your life are prolonged.
HOMSAR: Might as well try this new power... Ocean Thunderstorm!
{The words "Homsar uses Ocean Thunderstorm!" appear as Homsar's eyes turn blue. Suddenly, large bolts of lightning strike Beta Oyster, who loses 2 HP.}| HOMSAR: GUNHAVER: BETA OYSTER: | 20/567 HP 1/552 HP 65533/65535 HP |
HOMSAR: {disappointed} I was at least hoping I could go out in a blaze of glory.
GUNHAVER: O... kay... Beta Oyster has a freakin' big defense, I bet.
BETA OYSTER: All of my stats, aside from my HP, are set at 4294967295, so your doom is inevitable!
GUNHAVER: Freakin' villains with cliché phrases! {looks at Homsar} I guess I have to use the Occult Hand after all.
{Suddenly, electricity sparks from Gunhaver's jacket pocket.}
GUNHAVER: What the crap??? This isn't good!
{A large yellow beam of energy suddenly shoots from Gunhaver's jacket pocket. The energy beam stops in front of Beta Oyster and transforms into a large, yellow, and electrical version of Alpha Stan.}
GUNHAVER: HOLY CRAP!
HOMSAR: HOLY CRAP!
BETA OYSTER: ALPHA STAN?!
ALPHA STAN VIRUS: IT'S TIME TO END THIS SPOOF OF A SIMULATION ONCE AND FOR ALL!
{The Alpha Stan Virus starts to implode into a large, energy ball. Gunhaver, Homsar, and Beta Oyster just stand there, amazed.}
ALPHA STAN VIRUS: SAY HELLO TO CYBERSPACE FOR ME!
{Suddenly, Gunhaver and Homsar disappear in two flashes of white light.}
BETA OYSTER: NO!!! I can't BELIEVE that an Alpha Stan unit messed up my plans!!!
{The Alpha Stan Virus energy ball explodes. The screen goes dark. Cut to Homeschool sitting at the Rocko 1024 with the dark screen.}
HOMESCHOOL: Well, that was certainly an eventful movie.
{Beta Clam appears on the screen.}
HOMESCHOOL: Oh, yeah, I was in the process of uninstalling you, wasn't I.
BETA CLAM: EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! {the Rocko starts to shake} MASTER CONTROL LOST; ALL BETA CLAM UNITS ACTIVATING SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE!
HOMESCHOOL: HOMESTAR! Run! Get out of the house!
HOMESTAR: {offscreen} I'm smawt enough to know that's bad news! {rhymes with "booze"}
{Homeschool quickly runs out of the house, followed by Homestar.}
BETA CLAM: COUNTDOWN IS OVER OR EQUAL TO NINE THOUSAND. NOW ACTIVATING. HAVE A NICE DAY. CLICK HERE TO EMAIL-
{Cut to outside Homsar's house, where Homeschool and Homestar are still running away. There is a large explosion heard in the house, causing the door to blow off its hinges and every window to smash open. Various pieces of furniture end up on the front lawn, and a section of the roof caves in. Cut back to the kitchen, where everything is badly damaged and blackened. The kitchen table has been completely blown up, and Homsar is lying on the floor with Squeaky, covered in ash, unconscious. The screen slowly fades out to black with the word "Fin" in French lettering.}
Easter Eggs
Part 1
- After a few seconds, it will fade to a view of what Homsar is playing. He is holding a shotgun and running through a dark area. Cut to a first person view of Homsar. His stats are visible on the screen. His health is 89%, and his shotgun has 7|32 ammo left. A timer at the bottom reads "3:34" and is counting down. Homsar peers around the corner and sees Homeschool. Homsar quickly switches to a machine gun (24|240 ammo), jumps around the corner and fires at Homeschool. Homeschool swerves around and fires a Rocket Propelled Grenade at Homsar. Homsar strafes to the left, but gets hit by the splash, and his health goes down to 45% and the screen flashes red. Homsar continues shooting at Homeschool, who eventually dies. "Clamburgers Win" is shown and heard. Cut to Homsar and Homeschool in the Virtual Reality Room.
- HOMSAR: Good game, brother.
- HOMESCHOOL: You too. {they both walk out.} I'm still gonna pwin you next time, though.
- HOMSAR: You wish. {laughs} I'm gonna go watch some TV.
- HOMESCHOOL: Yeah, I'll come too.
- {Fade to a wide view of the lounge room. The huge TV is on and Homsar and Homeschool are sitting on the couch watching it. All other easter eggs are now enabled.}
- Click on the fireplace to see a conversation between Homsar and Homeschool.
- HOMSAR: So, explain to me how you can still claim to be the best at Counter-Sam, yet you've lost almost every game to me.
- HOMESCHOOL: I'm just a little rusty.
- HOMSAR: That's what the Lappy said.
- HOMESCHOOL: The what now?
- {Cut back to lounge room.}
- Click on the left speaker to see Alpha Stan continue his message.
- {Cut to the Alpha 1280.}
- ALPHA STAN: -haver at GEmail.exe. I haven't got to talk that for long time. So I'll say it again. Click here to email Gun-
- {Cut back to lounge room.}
- Click on the right speaker to see the birds-eye view of the blacked out Free Country, USA.
- {Cut to a birds-eye view of Free Country, USA. Everything is still blacked out.}
- HOMESTAR RUNNER: So, guys. Wanna come to a party sometime? I'll bwing the Witches' Bwew!
- STRONG BAD: Homestar, I would never, ever, jever come to a part of yours. Never. Not enough if I had a permanent personality change.
- PAST HOMSAR: I hear that they're working on something like that, you know.
- BUBS: I could buy them out! I'd make millions!
- {Cut back to lounge room.}
- Click on Homeschool to see the game statistics for Counter-Sam.
| Map | Player | Kills | Deaths | Score |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| de_dust | Homsar | 15 | 4 | 13 |
| Homeschool | 2 | 15 | 2 | |
| de_barn | Homsar | 12 | 17 | 14 |
| Homeschool | 10 | 3 | 9 | |
| cs_whatsit | Homsar | 7 | 8 | 7 |
| Homeschool | 8 | 8 | 7 | |
| surf_tampo | Homsar | 3 | 27 | 2 |
| Homeschool | 0 | 45 | -1 | |
| TOTAL | Homsar | 37 | 56 | 36 |
| Homeschool | 20 | 71 | 17 |
- Click on Squeaky to see the inside of Homsar's Brain.
- {Cut to a lemonade stand-like stand on a path. The sign says "ANiMATiNG JUiCE", and there are 10 jugs on the table. 9 of them are fully empty, and one only has half left. There is a partially transparent Kidstar standing behind it.}
- KIDSTAR: {in Powered by The Cheat voice} Come and get your animating juice! For a limited time only! Stocks are limited until the next Experiment Room visit!
- {Cut back to lounge room.}
Part 2
- Click on Squeaky to see the inside of Homsar's Brain again
- {Cut to the same lemonade stand. Kidstar is sleeping in front of it and snoring.}
- KIDSTAR: {mumbling} Get it... get it done... few months... oh-eight...
- {Cut back to Homsar.}
Part 3
- After a few seconds, the screen will fade back in to Homsar, who is now awake and standing in the middle of the kitchen. Homeschool and Homestar walk in.
- HOMSAR: I'm thinking I'll be needing to move into your house for a while, Homeschool.
- HOMESCHOOL: I'm thinking that too.
- HOMESTAR: I'm thinking of mawshmellows. (all other easter eggs are now accessible)
- Click on the water spray from the broken tap to see what happened to Gunhaver.
- {cut to Gunhaver at the Cheat Commandos HQ in front of the Alpha 1260}
- GUNHAVER: I gotta tell you Alpha Stan, that blue guy sure did have some brains. Lesser to my own, of course.
- ALPHA STAN: Let's not forget who saved the day.
- GUNHAVER: Hey, you're not the boss of me.
- ARROWHAVER: {walking in, looking nervous} That Blursday guy is gone now, right?
- {cut back to the kitchen}
- Click on the entrance to the experiment room to see Homestar attempting repairs
- {cut to the inside of the experiment room; Homestar is standing there; after each button press, a wacky sound effect is heard}
- HOMESTAR: I'll just press this one, and this one, and this one-
- HOMSAR: {offscreen} Homestar! Quit playing with those! You're getting ketchup everywhere!
- {cut back to the kitchen with everybody there}
- Click on the broken window to have Bubs pop up from behind it
- BUBS: You look like you need repairs! I can get genuine slave labor for a record low price!
- HOMSAR: Squeaky, get him. {Squeaky chases Bubs away}
- BUBS: {faint} I'll get you for this, Homsar!
- {Squeaky eventually flies back and lands on Homsar's head}
- Click on the fridge multiple times to have things occur.
- First time: door falls off
- Second time: shelves collapse
- Third time: falls over with a thud
- Fourth time: tips back up with everything intact
- HOMSAR: That's not questionable at all.
Fun Facts
Trivia
- This blog entry is a crossover with Gunhaver Email, namely e-mails 90-92. Pretty much all the Gunhaver part was written by Shim-Sham-Sam, with modifications made to appear from Homsar's point of view.
- The annoying sounds and Heavy Lourde near the start of the blog entry were so Beta Clam/Oyster's weakness wouldn't be revealed to the public. Not even Super Sam knows.
- This is the first blog entry in which Squeaky appears to show personality and choice.
- The short apperance of the insane universe was due to a small rewrite which was needed. Homsar was originally going to just walk through the door, but Shim-Sham-Sam revealed the door was shut. Instead of Super Sam rewriting the scene, he simply stuck in the insane universe to connect it to where Homsar appears in Hot Sauce.
Official References
- Large quantities of pudding pops were revealed to cause weird dreams in weird dream.
- "That is not a small number" is from virus.
- "Puking my pants" is a reference to secret recipies.
- Homestar and Homsar's arms are mentioned, even though they don't appear to have any.
- Coach Z's first line while in the toilet is almost the same as from a story he told in The House of Sucky Treats.
- Homsar's pronounciation of "coming" is from dangeresque 3.
- The choosing of choices is a reference to Halloween Potion-ma-jig.
- "I'm a song from the sixties" is something Homsar said in interview.
- The Gameboy in a Blender was first mentioned in 2 emails and seen in alternate universe.
- "My prayers have finally been answered" is from 1 step ahead.
- "I place the blame squarely on tight pants" is from super powers.
- "Shiny Fireworks magic" is a reference to a similar line in alternate universe, as well as the fact that Super Sam uses the lesser-known Macromedia Fireworks for graphics editing.
- Witches Brew is a commonly used running gag used by Homestar Runner.
- "More levels to come!" was a phrase used from versions 1.X to 6.0 of Stinkoman 20X6.
- "START PLAY!" is also from Stinkoman 20X6.
- Homsar saying that the boss is on Level 10 and that they'll have to get through Level 9 references the cutscene after Level -0.
- Saargtsnake, in both name and form, is based on Saargtsson.
- Homestar's "butt dance" was seen in the email bottom 10.
- DNA evidence was a running gag/plotline which spanned several Strong Bad Emails on the official site, as well as getting its own toon.
- Homsar's "ummmmmmmmmmmkay" was first said by So and So in Teen Girl Squad Issue 11.
- Homsar saying "eh' 'haver" if similar to when Strong Bad said "eh' Steve" in kids' book.
- The term "jumbo/LARGE" is from the email road trip.
Fanstuff References
- The credits are pretty much the same as from Entry 43 (hence the last credit), which was also done in transcript format.
- Security camera flashbacks were a major theme of Entry 43.
- The security camera flashback of Kitty, and then Kidstar, is from Entry 43.
- Homeschool's love for blueberry breakfast was last seen in Entry 43.
- "Conveniently placed pane of glass" is a reference to Conveniently placed trampolines.
- Homsar mentions several names of Stinkoman Reloaded comics while singing - No Body's Friend, Change of Heart, Final Plans and Eat 4 Free!!.
- Homsar's line after running into the wall is from the Gunhaver Email Hot Sauce, which is being crossover with.
- The Alpha 640 is a reference to the Alpha 1280 in Gunhaver Email.
- The "Forceful, Overpowering Radiation Circle Emitter" is from the Tampo Email "attacked".
- The clips seen in the holographic projection are all major references to several Fanstuffs, although the dialogue has been changed.
- The first clip is from the first Gunhaver Email, First Episode. Even the same style of capitalisation was used.
- The second clip is from the first Tampo Email, robot body.
- The third clip is from the first Jaro Email, Party.
- These three clips are all the first of the email shows, hence the name "Classic Clips". The email shows are Super Sam's Top 3 OCE's, although not in that order.
- The fourth clip isn't from a fanstuff, but makes fun of Mitchell's Stinkoman 20X6 Comics, which feature countless Bob and George references, seemingly random happenings of things, appearances of pretty much every character from Stinkoman Reloaded and an author character. It also references Stinkoman's "finger sprite", as well as 1-Up so obviously using fists to fight, things both made by Mitchell.
- Nintendork was first heard of in Entry 43. The many addings of Nintendo devices is a nod to how much Super Sam dislikes Nintendo. Oddly enough, the Nintendo DS and the Nintendo Revolution would not have been around in the time period Homsar was in.
- Homsar's line about European pudding markets was taken from Markie's userpage description of Super Sam.
- "Animating juice" is a juice in the long line of brain juices, the original of which was insanity juice, which was seen in several Gunhaver Emails.
- Strong Bad did later come to one of Homestar's party, and he hadn't even had the (semi)permanent personality change yet.
- The permanent personality change is a reference to pudding pills (seen in Entry 43), which permentantly changes the eaters personality until they are given another pudding pill.
- The greyscale footage is a reference to the security camera flashbacks which took place primarily in Entry 43.
Real-World References
- The blog title, "This week in another universe", is a take off the antiquated "This week in the universe" things.
- The page title, as well as any ocurrances of "Oh noes!" are from Joshua's former MSN Messenger display picture.
- "Zerb" is a noun, verb, adjective, and anything else you think of created by Sam to annoy Jayden. Dom, one of Sam's classmates, defined it as "Everything and anything". It was taken from the last name of John and Richie Zirbes. (I mean, what kind of a name is Zirbes?!)
- "Jah" (pronounced as Jar), is a word commonly used by Jayden for whatever purpose.
- Past Homsar's line before checking his messages is taken from a similar scene in The Simpsons.
- The "looking at the camera" joke is also from The Simpsons.
- "Get outta here Benulon. Nobody likes your style." is something Joshua likes to say to his brother to annoy him.
- Benulon is in no way related to Nebulon. Wah!
- The self-destruct of the holograph projector is taken from Mission Impossible.
- The virtual reality game is a take-off of Counter-Strike, a popular multiplayer first person shooter.
- The changed title of it, Counter-Sam, is the name of an unfinished stick movie by Super Sam about Counter-Strike.
- Homeschool being rusty and Homsar saying "that's what the Lappy said" is a reference to the fact that Lapper said his rustiness was the raisen Super Sam was (at time of reference) doing better then him at the replacement TriviaTime.
- Aldi Brand Cola is a drink purchased at Aldi which is frequently consumed by Super Sam.
- GameQUACKs is a reference to GameFAQs.
- A countdown being over or equal to nine thousand is an Internet meme from an episode of Dragon Ball Z.
- The sentence in which it takes place is from the flash movie Disappearing Rock.
