Other Character Email Gunhaver/First Episode Remake
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Summary
Gunhaver remembers when he meets Flashfight, the Cheat Commandos, and his first fight against Blue Laser.
Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Flashfight, Police Cheat, Blue Laser, Blue Laser Minion, Silent Rip, Foxface, Reinforcements, Firebert, Crackotage, Fightgar, Reynold, Ripberger, Arrowhaver (Easter Egg)
Lines: 106
Page Title: Orange 02... Oh what the heck?
Transcript
{Cut to Gunhaver in front of the Orange 02. He types in "run 'gunhaver_email'".}
GUNHAVER: {falsetto} Emailia {low voice} coolio, {repeats voice pattern} emailia-coolio, emailia-coolio, emailia-coolio, {a beat begins in time to Gunhaver's repetition} emailia-coolio, emailia-coolio, {a drum beat with a bass pattern begins} emailia-coolio, emailia-coolio, emailia-coolio! {cymbal clash}
{Gunhaver presses a button to make the following appear on the screen. Gunhaver reads the email.}
Dear Gunhaver,
when did you first meet your cheat
commandos, and when did you
start fighting blue laser?
Brandon.
{When reading "Brandon.", he reads "Brandon P."}
GUNHAVER: {typing} Way to use capitalization, Brandon P! Sure, you can uncapitalize blue laser {he doesn't capitalize the two words}, but the Cheat Commandos are of great significance!
{Clears screen.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} As for your question, Brendan P., do remember that I own a squad. But I'll start from the beginning, when I first met Flashfight...
{Cut to a generic and happy neighborhood. Gunhaver is at the doorstep of a house, holding a package. Flashfight is at the door.}
GUNHAVER: Hello new neighbor. Here is your house-warming gift.
{Gunhaver gives Flashfight the package. Flashfight opens the package and gets out a flamethrower.}
FLASHFIGHT: {awed} Aw!! This is the best present I've ever receieved!
{Cut back to Gunhaver at the Orange 02. The screen is cleared.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} After that, Brondan Pussycat, Flashfight and I formed this two-Cheat group called the Cheat Heroes. Basically, we were the generic superhero group that you'd find on low-quality television, fighting criminals and injustice and all that crap. Then, on one Decemberween...
{Cut to a Police Cheat on the phone in the police station.}
POLICE CHEAT: Come in, Cheat Heroes! You've got to save Decemberween!
{Cut to Flashfight with a phone in a different room.}
FLASHFIGHT: Did you just say we've got to save Decemberween?
{Cut to Police Cheat.}
POLICE CHEAT: {nervously} Ye-yess... Yes.
{Cut to Flashfight.}
FLASHFIGHT: Well, never fear, for Flashfight...
{Cut to a close-up of Flashfight's mouth.}
FLASHFIGHT: ...is on the...
{Cut to the Police Cheat, who hangs up. Cut to Flashfight, looking at his phone with an annoyed look on his face.}
FLASHFIGHT: Dang it, I never get to finish that statement.
{Gunhaver jumps onscreen.}
GUNHAVER: Is it time for us again to bust injustice?
FLASHFIGHT: For the last time, stop saying corny phrases like that! And yes, it's time for us to {makes hand motions to indicate quotation marks} bust injustice. {normally} TO THE CHEAT MOBILE!!!
{Cut to an old Batman-style transition with Gunhaver's and Flashfight's heads used as the logo to designate the scene change. Cut to Gunhaver and Flashfight standing in front of a tower.}
FLASHFIGHT: Interesting. It's a new foe who calls himself and his organization Blue Laser. He has something that looks like a laser pointed westward and a minion.
GUNHAVER: Sounds fun.
{Cut to the tower's rooftop, where Blue Laser and one of his minions are standing. The Blue Laser (a large blue laser) is still pointing westwards.}
BLUE LASER: AH YES! THIS IS THE MOST BRILLIANT PLAN I'VE EVER CONCOCTED! I'M GOING TO BLAST DR. CHRISTMAS OUT OF THE SKY IN THE WEST POLE! BECAUSE OF THAT, DECEMBERWEEN WILL BE RUINED, PEOPLE WILL BE SAD, AND I'LL BE ABLE TO COMPLETE A VILLAINOUS PLAN!
BLUE LASER MINION: But how will Decemberween be ruined by Dr. Christmas' death, sir?
BLUE LASER: DECEMBERWEEN WILL BE RUINED DUE BY DR. CHRISTMAS' DEATH BECAUSE I SAID SO!
BLUE LASER MINION: Okay, but doesn't Dr. Christmas live in the East Pole?
BLUE LASER: REALLY??? OH CRAP! LET'S ROTATE THIS LASER!!!!
{Swipe effect. The Blue Laser is facing a different direction.}
BLUE LASER: AH! NOW IT'S PERFECT!
BLUE LASER MINION: No it isn't. Now it's facing the southwest, where the two Kobe Bryants live.
BLUE LASER: REALLY? AH, WHO CARES? WE'LL BLAST A KOBE BRYANT FOR DECEMBERWEEN THEN. AFTER ALL, THERE ARE TWO OF THEM!
GUNHAVER: {off-screen} Hold it right there, generic fiend!
BLUE LASER: GENERIC???
{Gunhaver and Flashfight run onscreen.}
FLASHFIGHT: We're here to stop you from ruining Decemberween with your plan that we didn't get to hear about!
BLUE LASER: OH YEAH??? WELL, MINION, ATTACK!!!
{The Blue Laser minion hesitantly walks towards Gunhaver and Flashfight. Gunhaver punches the minion in the nose to knock him onto the rooftop.}
BLUE LASER: OH CRAP! I FORGOT TO TEACH MY MINION HOW TO FIGHT! VERY WELL, MINION, GUARD THE LASER! I'LL DO THE FIGHTING!
{Blue Laser runs to Gunhaver and Flashfight as the minion walks back to the Blue Laser. Fighting noises can be heard as the minion watches at the left. Suddenly, Silent Rip appears onscreen from the right and puts earmuffs on the minion's "ears" without making any sound.}
BLUE LASER MINION: Earmuffs are put onto my ears, but since I didn't see or hear anything, I won't take anymore notice.
{Suddenly, a rocket flies into the Blue Laser and blows it up. The minion takes no notice.}
BLUE LASER MINION: Since I can't hear anything, I won't notice what caused the slight vibration at my right.
{Suddenly, Foxface jumps onscreen and whacks the Blue Laser Minion's head with her bulletproof handbag, knocking him out onto the rooftop. Cut to Blue Laser, Gunhaver, and Flashfight fighting. In other words, they are playing a video game on a widescreen TV on the rooftop. Blue Laser looks the other way.}
BLUE LASER: CAN YOU KEEP IT DOWN? WE'RE TRYING TO PLAY SUPER WIKI BROS. MELEE OVER HERE! {Pause} AW CRAP! I TURN MY BACK FOR ONE SECOND...
{Cut to the ruined Blue Laser, the unconscious minion, Silent Rip, Foxface, and Reinforcements. Cut to Blue Laser.}
BLUE LASER: AH WELL! AT LEAST THERE'S A HELIPAD ATTACHED TO THIS TOWER!
{Blue Laser jumps off the rooftop and lands on the helipad below, attached to the side of the tower. On the helipad is a blue helicopter. Somehow, the minion is in the cockpit, flying the plane, not unconscious. Suddenly, a plane flies by and a dynamite stick is thrown at the helicopter. Blue Laser and his minion run out of the helicopter. Cut to the plane's open door, where Firebert pushes down on a TNT detonator's plunger, blowing up the helicopter. Cut to the plane's cockpit, where Crackotage is doing the flying.}
CRACKOTAGE: I'm the guy who flies that plane! I think that Blue Laser's totally insane! Hah-hah-hoo-hoo!
{Cut to the rooftop of the tower, where Blue Laser and his minion climb from the helipad. Suddenly, Fightgar comes and points his gun at Blue Laser.}
FIGHTGAR: Hi. My name's Fightgar.
{Cut to Gunhaver typing at the Orange 02. He's typing on a new screen.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} After that, Flashfight and I agreed to make an elite commando group called the Cheat Commandos with our new friends. But I think I forgot someone in my flashback.
REYNOLD: {off-screen} You forgot me!
{Cut to Reynold in front of a wall, flexing his arms.}
REYNOLD: For I was Reynold the Magnificent!
GUNHAVER: {off-screen} Shut up and put up the Decemberween lights!
REYNOLD: They're Christmas lights.
GUNHAVER: {off-screen} OMG! He just said an illegal word! Chase him!
{Reynold screams as he runs off-screen, being chased by Fightgar and Ripberger. Cut back to Gunhaver at the Orange 02, chuckling.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} Anyway, overall, happy holidays from the Cheat Commandos, my email show, and this guy named Shim-Sham-Sam!
{The Paper comes down, saying HAPPY DECEMBERWEEN! Oh, and email Gunhaver.}
Easter Eggs
- Click on holidays to see this:
{Cut to Gunhaver and Reynold in front of a white background with Christmas trees, candy canes, snow, and Santa hats.}
GUNHAVER: Happy Decemberween! I hope you got a lot of presents, {angrily} BECAUSE I DIDN'T GET ANY!!!! WHY??? WHY MUST THE MAIN CHARACTER OF A SHOW NEVER GET PRESENTS???
REYNOLD: Calm down, Gunhaver. Decemberween is not about the presents. It's about...
GUNHAVER: {interrupting} Do you wanna die?
- Click on a Christmas tree in the background to see the Cheat Commandos sing a Decemberween song:
{Cut to the Cheat Commandos in the cast list in an auditorium. Piano music plays before they sing.}
CHEAT COMMANDOS: {singing in the tune of "All I Want For Christmas Is You"} I don't want a lot for Decemberween...
GUNHAVER: {speaking} Actually, we do!
CHEAT COMMANDOS: {singing} There is just one thing I need...
FIGHTGAR: {speaking} It'd better be something good!
CHEAT COMMANDOS: {singing} I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree...
SILENT RIP: {speaking} Gah! I just said the illegal word!
CHEAT COMMANDOS: {singing} I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know...
FOXFACE: {speaking} Ooh! Sounds romantic!
CHEAT COMMANDOS: {singing} Make my wish come true...
All I want for Decemberween is...
{When they're supposed to say "You", the Cheat Commandos say assorted things, like: a gun, this and that and this and that, a knife, Blue Laser's death, earmuffs, shurikens, more makeup, etc. Only Reynold says "You".}
CHEAT COMMANDOS: {singing} Yea yea.
Fun Facts
- This is the remake of First Episode.
- This is GEmail's first Decemberween special.
- The email intro is based on Strong Bad's "You Said You'd Bake Us A Cake!".
- The phone conversation between Flashfight and the Police Cheat is based on Space Tree Episode 1 (has some blood) and Space Tree Episode 11 (has some swears).
- The transition scene is based on the scene changes in the old Batman TV show.
- Dr. Christmas is from A Decemberween Pageant.
- The two Kobe Bryants are also from said toon.
- Foxface's bulletproof handbag is from Shopping For Danger.
- Super Wiki Bros. Melee is based on the Nintendo video game Super Smash Bros. Melee and Super Wiki Bros.
- Crackotage's line is based on Silent Rip's line in Cheat Commandos...O's.
- The word "Christmas" being illegal is based on how the word is illegal in some aspects of society.
- The Decemberween song sung in the Easter Egg is based on the song "All I Want For Christmas Is You".
