Other Character Email Gunhaver/2 Remakes
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Summary
Gunhaver kills two email remakes with one email answering stone, makes a promotional message to the kids, and Reynold gets a lucky break and breaks it.
Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Dr. Croctor, Reynold, Strong Bad, Crackotage, Blue Laser, Beatles member, Ripberger, Police Cheat, 3D Vector Strong Bad, Mrs. Forcements, Dark Sapphire Laser, Narrator, Wedginator, Flashfight, Silent Rip, Fightgar, Firebert, Reinforcements, Foxface, Arrowhaver, Nerdy Pianist, Fhqwhgads?, Older Man Jenkins
Lines: 136
Page Title: Delta 1001
Transcript
{Cut to Gunhaver in front of the Delta 1001. He types in "gunhaver_email.exe".}
GUNHAVER: I like email. Email likes me. I like email. Email likes me.
{Gunhaver presses a button to make the following email appear on the computer. Gunhaver reads it.}
Gunhaver,
I think it's high time you composed a rock opera. You
simply owe it to society. What should it be about?
That's up to you.
Best Wishes,
Anonymous Contributor
Gambier, OH
GUNHAVER: {typing} Anonymous Contributor? Oh! You are the Anonymous of the infamous rock group, the Contributors! You sly lier! You are just the stage manager who just has the last name Contributor to pass yourself as a band member! You can't sing to save your life from annoying, but deadly 4 year-olds!
{Gunhaver clears the screen.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} So, rock opera, eh? You mean the first draft of GEmail that goes like this?
{Cut to some curtains, which open up to a montage, starting with Gunhaver on his Orange 02 from First Episode. The scene changes to when each word is said.}
GUNHAVER: Congretulations DING
{Cut to Gunhaver kicking a heart away from Reynold.}
GUNHAVER: Girlfriend
{Cut to a picture of futuristic cheese.}
DR. CROCTOR: Cheese
REYNOLD: Rhys
{The heart kicked by Gunhaver flies into the cheese and crushes it.}
STRONG BAD: LOVED
CRACKOTAGE: flying
BLUE LASER: OFF
BEATLES MEMBER: submarine?
{Cut to several shots of someone jumping off a submarine in Gunhaver's dream world. Cut to donuts dressed up as Gunhaver, rolling across the screen. Gunhaver runs on the donuts, as if they make a floor. Ripberger clones run across the background.}
RIPBERGER: Dressed
POLICE CHEAT: donuts
{Cut to Gunhaver watching TV.}
GUNHAVER: watch
VECTOR STRONG BAD: SPLODE!
{The TV blows up. Cut to Gunhaver playing a computer game on his Delta 1001, which constantly switches to Orange 02 and back and shows elements of all of the previous emails.}
DARK SAPPHIRE LASER: Exterminate
NARRATOR: Videlectrix
WEDGINATOR: Master
NARRATOR: of
{Cut to a room with all of the Cheat Commandos.}
ALL CHEAT COMMANDOS: GEMAIL!!!
{Cut back to Gunhaver in front of the Delta 1001.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} You mean that rock opera? The answer is NO! {stops typing} That sucked. I'll do another email!
Fhqwhgads
{Gunhaver presses a button to make the following email appear on the screen. Gunhaver reads the email.}
i love u
-fhqwhgadshgnsdhjsdbkhsdabkfabkveybvf
GUNHAVER: {reading} I love you, with no capitalization or spell checking. Fhqwhgads... shin sid jis deubeukeu house... {stops reading} I give up. You... Hey! Wait a minute! You sent me this email 12 emails ago! I know just the thing!
{Gunhaver types in "random_forwarder.exe" and presses a button to clear the screen, except for the following.}
Email forwarded to some random person.
GUNHAVER: There we go. The Random Forwarder is a great way to get rid of spam email! I wonder who that lucky soul who gets the email will be. Oh well, now I have to go and sing a promotional message to the kids, which we, the Cheat Commandos, haven't done in a long time!
{Gunhaver gets off his chair and leaves the room. Cut to Reynold sitting in front of his Comp-Pak. He clicks on "Outlook Depress", bringing it up with the message "New Message".}
REYNOLD: Oh! A message! How surprising!
{Reynold clicks on "New Message" to bring up the following on the screen.}
i love u
-fhqwhgadshgnsdhjsdbkhsdabkfabkveybvf
REYNOLDS: {reading} I love you. Fhqwhgadsshgns...
{Cut to the following.}
3 hours later...
{Cut to Reynold in front of his computer. Reynold looks a little exhausted from reading the signature.}
REYNOLD: {reading} vey... bvf. {typing} Well Long name (who I shall call Fhqwhgads), I am one of those people who don't fall in easily to women like you, since I am suave. {Purrs}
GUNHAVER: {off-screen} Stop being unreasonable, Reynold!
REYNOLD: {typing} Ignoring that, I'll see if you are the lady, out of the million who like me, for me. Meet me at the Classy Club.
{Cut to Reynold sitting at a table in the Classy Club, wearing a tuxedo and spraying his breath with breath spray.}
REYNOLD: Classy breath, check. Tuxedo, check. Table by the pianist...
{Pan to the left to reveal a nerdy pianist playing "Chopsticks" on the piano. Pan back to Reynold.}
REYNOLD: ...check. Impressive book, {gets out a really long book} check. {pause} This is my favorite book. I'll read it from the beginning!
{Reynold opens the book and begins to read it. Cut to the same scene at a later time, when Reynold is already done with half of the book. The club is almost empty.}
REYNOLD: Hmm... I'm being entertained by the book, but Fair Lady Fhqwhgads is not coming. I wonder...
{Just then, a female Cheat in a blue dress and a purse walks onscreen and talks to Reynold.}
LADY: Excuse me, are you Gunhaver?
REYNOLD: No, why?
LADY: Well, an abbreviation for my name is Fhqwhgads, and I was sent an email from Gunhaver that I'd be finally meeting him to...
REYNOLD: {interrupting} Oh my lord! It's Blue Laser in the flesh, here to have a good time at the Classy Club! I'll see to that!
{Reynold jumps off his chair, takes the lady's purse forcefully, and runs off-screen. The lady looks fearfully at the right, where Reynold ran off to. Smacking noises can be heard, as well as Reynold saying, "Take that! And that! And that!" Pan right to reveal that Reynold is beating up an old Cheat dressed in a blue suit with the lady's purse.}
REYNOLD: And take THAT!
{Reynold whacks the old Cheat in the head with the purse.}
OLD CHEAT: Curse you dang, overexcited kids who have no respect for the elderly anymore!
{Cut to Gunhaver, Silent Rip, and Fightgar in a recording studio with the microphones and headsets. Reinforcements is outside the studio at the controls.}
REINFORCEMENTS: And we're starting in one, two, three, and a four!
{Some piano music plays.}
FIGHTGAR AND SILENT RIP: {singing} Brush your teeth everyday! Brush your teeth everyday! Brush your teeth everyday, for it is good for you!
Brush your teeth everyday! Brush your teeth everyday! Brush your teeth everyday, for it is good for you!
GUNHAVER: {singing} You don't want a cavity, for it is complicated like gravity! You need to use that brush, or you'll have pain that won't hush!
I know that brushing teeth is a waste of time! And I promise I will stop with all the stupid rhymes!
But if you brush, at least you won't need to see the dentist! And yes we are singing this to avoid lawsuits!
FIGHTGAR AND SILENT RIP: {singing} Brush your teeth everyday! Brush your teeth everyday! Brush your teeth everyday, for it is good for...
{Suddenly, a cell phone ringing can be heard.}
GUNHAVER: {angrily} All right, whose is that?
{Silent Rip gets out a cell phone.}
SILENT RIP: It's mine's sir. Sorry.
GUNHAVER: Shame on you! And you're supposed to be the quiet one! Give me that!
{Gunhaver takes the cell phone from Silent Rip's hand and answers it.}
GUNHAVER: Hello?
{The screen splits into two as Gunhaver's on one side and a Police Cheat in a police station is on the other, like in the phone conversations on TV.}
POLICE CHEAT: Are you a Cheat Commando?
GUNHAVER: The squad leader and the best. Why?
POLICE CHEAT: Well, we have just arrested a man who has stolen a lady's purse and used it to whack Older Man Jenkins to near-death. He says that you can appeal for his release. His name's Reynold.
GUNHAVER: Never heard of him.
{Gunhaver closes the cell phone, making the screen only show Gunhaver, Fightgar, and Silent Rip in the recording studio.}
GUNHAVER: Oh man! We're trying to make a promotional message to the children, sacrificing our cool and time, and Reynold goes and gets himself arrested! {throws the cell phone at Silent Rip, who catches it} I don't want to make this stupid promotional message anymore!
{Gunhaver walks off-screen.}
GUNHAVER: {off-screen} I don't even like singing!
{The Paper comes down, saying Click here to email Gunhaver at gunhaver@homestarrunner.com.}
Easter Eggs
- Click on Reynold's book to see the book's cover:
A Generic, Really Long and Boring Book
By Leo Tol Story
- Click on Silent Rip's cell phone to see this:
FIGHTGAR: Hey, Silent Rip. I think you need a better ring for your cell phone.
{Silent Rip opens his cell phone and presses a button.}
SILENT RIP: How's this?
CELL PHONE: Congretulations DING girlfriend cheese. Rhys LOVED flying OFF submarine? Dressed donuts watch SPLODE! Exterminate Videlectrix. Master of GEMAIL!!!
FIGHTGAR: Nah, stick with your current ring. That song sucks.
Fun Facts
- This is a remake of Rock opera and Fhqwhgads.
- The scene with Reynold at the Comp-Pak references Other Character Email Reynold.
- Reynold's book references the author Leo Tolstoy, his long books (War and Peace and Anna Karienna), and Toy Story.
- Outlook Depress is a reference to the Microsoft e-mail program, Outlook Express.
