Other Character Email Gunhaver/Toastpaint
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
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Summary
Gunhaver is still stuck in Crontes's submarine, but the Yellow Submarine blows up, leaving Gunhaver, Wedginator, and The Beatles completely trapped in the submarine. Then things get worse as two other people come. Try guessing who they are.
Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Alpha Stan, Wedginator, Ringo, John, Paul, and George, Crontes Sevorn, Contestro, Carteen, Mr. Boing, Sir Gunsman, The Quiet One, Blast Maverick, Frostbite, Power Punch, Crapbert, McCrapatolas
Lines: 157
Transcript
{Cut to Gunhaver in front of the Alpha 1260.}
GUNHAVER: {singing} Dlrow liame! Dlrow liame! Dlrow liame eht ni evil lla ew!
ALPHA STAN:You have one unread email(s).
{Gunhaver presses enter to make the following email appear.}
Subject: awexomeDear Gun to the Haver,
- Your worst nitemair!!!
You say these emails out loud, right?
Well, say this one out loud. TOASTPAINT!
Hahahaha! Fool! I just made you say the
self destruct passcode to that yellow
submarine you're in! it's gonna blow!
Haha! You're doomed!
GUNHAVER: {reading} Dear Gun to the Haver, {stops reading} which precisely means Gunhaver. {reading} You say these emails out loud, right? {stops reading} Well, most of the time. If there's something insulting, then the case gets different. {reading} Well, say this one out loud. TOAST... {stops reading} Wait, I should read the rest of the email before I say the word. That's proper email reading etiquette. Or should I say, Eretiquette?
{Pause}
GUNHAVER: I guess not. Anyway, {reading} Hahahaha! Fool! I just made you say the self destruct passcode to that yellow submarine you're in! It's gonna blow! Haha! You're doomed! Minus your worst nightmare misspelled. {stops reading} Whoa, that was close, but good thing that Crontes forced us (as in me, Wedginator, and The Beatles) out of the yellow submarine, but it needs to be protected if we want to escape. Well nightmare, you lose. You can't trick me!
{Cut to a wider view of Gunhaver's room in Crontes' submarine. Wedginator is there.}
GUNHAVER: Oh, Wedginator, what are you doing in my room?
WEDGINATOR: Corns peas for syrup, please, for toastpaint.
{Cut to a hallway of the submarine. We can hear Wedginator's voice saying toastpaint echo. Cut to another hallway of the submarine, where we hear the echo again. Cut to the pool where the Yellow Submarine is. We hear the echo again. Cut to a mechanism attached to the Yellow Submarine.}
COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Self-destruct program of the Yellow Submarine: Activated.
{Then the Yellow Submarine blows up in a huge explosion. Cut to a hallway where Gunhaver and Wedginator run into The Beatles.}
RINGO: What just happened?
GUNHAVER: Oh, stupid here said the password that blew up the Yellow Submarine.
GEORGE: Not the Yellow Submarine!
GUNHAVER: Yeah, I guess we're doomed.
JOHN: No, we can always sing. Let's sing the song that has the lyrics "All you need is love."
GUNHAVER: NO!!!
RINGO: One, two, three, four...
THE BEATLES: {singing} Love, love, love! Love, love, love! Love, love, love, love, love... All you need is love!
GUNHAVER: SHUT...
CRONTES: {off-screen} ...UP!
{Then Crontes arrives.}
CRONTES: What on earth is going on here?
JOHN: The yellow submarine blew up, we knew we're going to die, and we began to sing to cheer ourselves up.
CRONTES: Okay then, I have to kill you all and torture Gunhaver now. Contestro and Carteen are coming.
GUNHAVER: No! Don't you remember the deal?
CARTEEN: {off-screen} What deal?
{Then Carteen and Contestro walk onscreen.}
CONTESTRO: Oh great. Gunhaver is here again.
CARTEEN: This is perfect. Not only can we kill The Beatles, but we can torture Gunhaver!
GUNHAVER: You know, that's exactly what Crontes said before I made a deal with him to make him spare all of us so I can give him money, but I was lying, since I was just stalling so we could find a way to escape and I can continue checking emails without witnessing any deaths.
CRONTES: That's a long explanation.
CONTESTRO: Word.
CARTEEN: Wait, {to Crontes} you made a deal with Gunhaver so you could disobey us for money? That's it. {to Contestro} Push the blue button.
CONTESTRO: I don't have a blue button.
CARTEEN: Grr... Do I have to everything by myself? It's like I do all the work!
CRONTES: That's because you never tell us about your plans! All you did was to take this thin rectangle thing you call a chip from me.
CARTEEN: Shut up! Gunhaver's here! Don't let him know about anything.
GUNHAVER: Oh I know something. It involves a computer chip.
CARTEEN: {to Crontes} I am so going to make you pay.
{Then Carteen gets out a remote control and presses the blue button, making Crontes disappear in a flash.}
{Cut to 1936, where Mr. Boing, Sir Gunsman, and The Quiet one are in a room, apparently having some punch.}
SIR GUNSMAN: I say, if it weren't for you blinding us frequently, we'd make you a Sneak Commando. But now, I'll just say I like you as a companion. Plus, your jokes are entertaining.
MR. BOING: Thanks, but you never let me finish my jokes, and...
{Suddenly, there is a flash of white as Mr. Boing is replaced by Crontes.}
CRONTES: Oh, I'm back home!
SIR GUNSMAN: It's Crontes Sevorn! Sneak Commandos, get him!
CRONTES: Uh-oh. Nothing rewarding has come from this.
SIR GUNSMAN: Maybe except for a beating.
CRONTES: Unfortunately, that's true.
{Cut back to the submarine, where Gunhaver and Mr. Boing and standing in front of Carteen.}
CARTEEN: Now that I have that settled with that disobedient traitor and now that you know something about my master plan, I shall kill you, as well as your companions.
{Contestro walks onscreen.}
CONTESTRO: Uh, I have bad news. The Beatles and that one mental person escaped in an escape pod to what appears to be named Forget How Bed Tunnel Gibberish Street.
CARTEEN: Darn it. {to Contestro} Oh well, at least I can kill your brother and torture Gunhaver.
CONTESTRO: Let me take care of my brother. You take care of Gunhaver.
CARTEEN: That's the smartest thing I've ever... never mind, we'll fight like you said.
GUNHAVER: Hey Mr. Boing, you know how to fight?
MR. BOING: I know how to make a good joke if I even get to say the whole joke.
GUNHAVER: Okay, we're doome...
{Suddenly, Carteen tackles Gunhaver to the ground. Action music begins playing as Gunhaver gets out his gun and hits Carteen in the head with his pistol. Then they start punching each other.}
CARTEEN: I see you're pretty good in fights.
GUNHAVER: That's why I'm a Cheat Commando.
{Cut to Contestro chasing Mr. Boing in a hallway. In one hallway, Mr. Boing suddenly disappears. So, Contestro continues to run down a hallway when he suddenly slips on a puddle and falls. As he tries to get up, he can't, because for some reason, the puddle is sticky. Then Mr. Boing comes, laughing.}
MR. BOING: Haha! You slipped in my Patented Sticky Puddle!
{Cut to Gunhaver and Carteen fighting in the control room. After a some struggle, Carteen pushes Gunhaver into the controls while Gunhaver accidentally shoots a bullet out of his pistol and at the control panel on the ceiling.}
COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Activating the mode where this submarine goes super-speed for some reason. And for some reason, this submarine will be able to go across land.
GUNHAVER: Is that a good thing?
COMPUTERIZED VOICE: No, and neither is the next thing I'm about to say: We're about to go above water and into Potamia.
CARTEEN: Crap, we're screwed.
GUNHAVER: That's the only thing I'll agree with you.
{Cut to the submarine going through the water at full speed. When it reaches the shore of Potamia, it practically flies out of the water and begins to go across land at practically 300 miles an hour, like a runaway train. Cut to a cave, where Blast Maverick, Frostbite, and Power Punch are standing in front of Crapbert and his army of McCrapatolas.}
CRAPBERT: We are now going to eat you all, since you have insulted us and shown us to the public.
FROSTBITE: But, you know, didn't we state the facts about you?
CRAPBERT: Oh, then, how about that second one, the one where you said you were going to give us vegetables to eat.
POWER PUNCH: Wow, these guys are dumb.
{Then the McCrapatolas start hissing angrily.}
CRAPBERT: WHAT??? How dare you insul...
{Just then, the shark submarine bursts into the cave and runs over all of the McCrapatolas, either killing them or knocking them out.}
BLAST MAVERICK: {to Frostbite and Power Punch} See? I told you that I'd take care of things.
FROSTBITE: No you didn't, you stupid maverick.
BLAST MAVERICK: {angrily} Hey! I...
{Just then, glass breaking is heard as Gunhaver jumps out of a broken window in the submarine while holding his pistol.}
GUNHAVER: Man, Carteen's submarine sucks. And this cave sucks too.
POWER PUNCH: Hey! Don't diss the lair of the almighty Cheat Rangers!
FROSTBITE: Shut up, you. Man, am I the only one with brains here?
GUNHAVER: Hey! I have some brains! And weren't you the guys that helped us out against Black Laser, and later, you rob a bank and later, you help us defeat Blue Laser.
POWER PUNCH: The what now?
FROSTBITE: Well, we helped save your girlfriend from Black Laser, but... did we ever rob a bank and help the Cheat Commandos defeat Blue Laser?
BLAST MAVERICK: Bank robbery? Hmm...
GUNHAVER: Anyway, is there anyway I can get to Cheat City? Did you use any method of transportation?
FROSTBITE: We took a train, and don't think we took one legally. It was Blast Maverick's idea that we should hop into a boxcar while nearly getting killed.
BLAST MAVERICK: Hey! That plan worked!
FROSTBITE: Whatever. The thing is, you're stuck.
GUNHAVER: Crap.
{Suddenly, Alpha Stan appears on a wall of the ruined submarine, scaring the crap out of Frostbite, Blast Maverick, and Power Punch.}
ALPHA STAN:Click here to email Gunhaver at GEmail.exe
Easter Eggs
- Click on Eretiquette to see a guidebook to Eretiquette.
- Click on Alpha Stan to activate this scene:
BLAST MAVERICK: Is... is... is that thing a ghost?
FROSTBITE: There are no such things as ghosts!
GUNHAVER: Nah, that's just Alpha Stan, this SAM thing that is just supposed to talk in my computer.
POWER PUNCH: Oh.
{Then Blast Maverick, Frostbite, and Power Punch scream.}
- Click on CS on the ruined submarine to see this:
{Cut to Gibberish Street Forget How Bed Tunnel, where The Beatles and Wedginator are singing a random Beatles song.}
Fun Facts
- This email continues from Yellow Submarine and will continue into the next email.
- The song The Beatles were singing is a real Beatles song.
- Mr. Boing was first stuck in the past in Contestro.
- The scene that was taking place with the "Cheat Rangers" and the McCrapatolas is from Crapbert, but since Gunhaver changed his email address, the reason why the McCrapatolas want to attack the three is probably unknown.
- The following emails are referenced by Gunhaver: Black Laser, Robbery and Texas, and Battle.
- Toastpaint is a word from the HRWiki Forum that means "off-topic". It was coined by AgentSeethroo.
