Other Character Email Gunhaver/Douglas
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Summary
Gunhaver's first email in the past. He tries to make Firebert say Douglas through the use of soda and ice cream. Unfortunately, something extremely devastating happens as a result.
Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Foreign Guy (Easter egg), Firebert, Ripberger, Reynold, Gyro
Lines: 95
Transcript
{Cut to Gunhaver in front of the Delta 1001. He types ingunhaver_email.exe.}
GUNHAVER: I've got the email to the left, email to the right! And now I will give all y'all a shout, EMAIL!
{Gunhaver presses enter to make the following message appear.}
File not found
GUNHAVER: WHAT??? I typed in the right command! No spelling mistakes! What the fr... Oh, right. I changed my email address.
{Gunhaver types inGEmail.exeand presses enter to make the following email appear.}
GUNHAVER: Ahh... There we go.
{Then Gunhaver reads the email.}
Dear Gunhaver
Get Firebert to say something normal.
Like Douglas. Why is he the only Cheat
Commando to not speak normal?
-Fred Flintstoen
GUNHAVER: {reading name} Fred... er... Fred is not dead. Yeah! {singing in the tune of The Cheat is Not Dead} Fred is not dead! Yeah! I'm so glad Fred is not dead! {typing} Whoa! I did not get that Rangeresque email! My plan worked! Anyway, I think the reason why Firebert doesn't speak English in this English-enabling world is because he is probably a foreigner from far-off lands. But I have tried to make him say Douglas with no success.
{Cut to Gunhaver and Firebert in a room.}
GUNHAVER: Firebert, everybody here but you speak English. Say something normal, like, Douglas.
Firebert: Meh!
GUNHAVER: Douglas.
Firebert: Meh?
GUNHAVER: I said say Douglas!
Firebert: Meh, meh.
GUNHAVER: Fine! If you don't want to say Douglas, think of a better commando name!
Firebert: {Cheatish sigh}
{Cut back to Gunhaver in front of the Delta. He clears the page.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} Wait a minute! I just showed you something that is like a SBemail clone! Forget SBemail clones! Only the originals are funny. Not the clones. Anyway, I did manage to catch Firebert nearly speaking English on two occasions. One was when he was drinking some soda.
{Cut to a room with Firebert drinking from a bottle of Koke Soda. Gunhaver walks in.}
GUNHAVER: Hey stupid name!
{Firebert spits out the soda and lets out a Cheatish exclamation that sounds like, "Doug!"}
GUNHAVER: Holy gosh! You nearly spoke English! Now think of a better commando name.
{Cut back to Gunhaver in front of the Delta.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} And there was this one other time when he ate some ice cream.
{Cut to the kitchen, where Firebert is eating ice cream called Cream Ice Cream. Gunhaver runs into the room.}
GUNHAVER: Dumb name! Stop eating all of the ice cream!
{Firebert lets out a Cheatish exclamation that sounds like, "Las!" (as in the second part of Douglas).}
GUNHAVER: Sweet mother of Jiminy Toledo Jim-Jim! You almost spoke English again! Now when are you going to stop slacking off and think of a better commando name?
{Just then, Firebert retorts with some angry Cheatish.}
{Cut back to Gunhaver in front of the Delta.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} Maybe there is a scientific method in making Firebert say Douglas. Nah, I hate science. Let's do math. Okay, so:
Firebert nearly saying Doug while drinking soda + Firebert nearly saying Las while eating ice cream = Firebert saying Douglas while drinking soda and eating ice cream at the same time!
That's it! Man, I'm a genius! A Nobel-prize-winning genius.
{Cut to the living room, where Firebert, Ripberger, and Reynold are watching TV on the couch (except the couch can fit only two people, so Reynold is on the floor). In front of them is a table with some Cream Ice Cream, bottles of Koke Soda, and boxes of Bread and Sugar.}
Tucksworth: {from TV} Caleb, have you ever ordered a pizza before?
Caleb: {from TV} I will soon.
REYNOLD: You know, Caleb Orders a Pizza is my favorite episode of Caleb Rentpayer.
RIPBERGER: {Japanese} Reynold, shut up.
{Then Gunhaver comes and takes a bottle of Koke Soda, opens it, and puts a scoop of ice cream in the bottle. Then he gives it to Firebert.}
GUNHAVER: Here Firebert, here is a special treat from me, which is like a way of apologizing for mistreating you about your dumb name.
REYNOLD: Hey, you never apologized to me!
GUNHAVER: Shut up.
{Then Firebert drinks from the bottle of soda while gulping in the ice cream in the bottle.}
GUNHAVER: Now say Douglas.
Firebert: Doug...
GUNHAVER: Holy gosh! You spoke English!
{Just then, Firebert's eyes go crazy as suddenly, Firebert spits out a HUGE blast of soda at a wall, sending him flying away while he lets out a Cheatish scream.}
GUNHAVER: Whoa! That was cool! I never knew that would happen!
REYNOLD: Gunhaver! He's flying towards your computer room!
GUNHAVER: What? No!
{Cut to Gunhaver's computer room. Firebert is still flying. Just then, Firebert crashes into the Delta 1001. This message is displayed on the screen before the cord is pulled out of the socket and the Delta is sent flying.}
@.@ OMG!! What the h
{So the Delta is sent flying through a wall and outside the Cheat Commandos HQ. Gunhaver, Reynold, and Ripberger run into the room as Firebert nearly passes out.}
GUNHAVER: Oh no! Not my Delta!
{Just then, a truck driving by is heard, as well as a sickening crushing sound.}
REYNOLD: Gunhaver, I don't like the sound of this, literally.
{Cut to a street outside the Cheat Commandos HQ. Gunhaver (shocked and devastated) is standing by his Delta 1001, which is now a big pile of computer parts, glass, and chunks of larger computer parts and glass. There is an upturned monster truck in the background with flat tires. Reynold, Firebert, Ripberger, and Gyro come.}
GUNHAVER: NO! MY DELTA 1001 IS DESTROYED!!!
REYNOLD: Relax Gunhaver. There are other computers.
GUNHAVER: {to Gyro} Gyro, can you fix this?
GYRO: I can, but it would take months.
GUNHAVER: MONTHS??? Oh man! Now I have to go and buy a new computer! {to Firebert} Firebert, do know that your stupid name is not the only reason why you're going to be mistreated.
Firebert: {Cheatish sigh}
{Cut to the ruined pieces of what used to be the Delta 1001. In the background, a trumpet is playing the Taps. Then the Paper comes down, saying: "Click here to email Gunhaver at GEmail.exe.. Also, mourn for poor Delta."}
Easter Eggs
- While Gunhaver is typing, click on English-enabling world to see this interrupt the email episode:
{Cut to a guy entering English-enabling world.}
Guy: {Foreign language}
{Then the guy glows yellow before turning back to normal.}
Guy: Wow! I can speak English!
{Cut back to Gunhaver answering the email.}
- Click on the ruined Delta 1001 at the end to see a slideshow about the Delta 1001. As for the contents, that is for your imagination to decide.
- Click on poor to see this:
{Cut to Firebert watching TV. He is drinking a bottle of Koke Soda.}
Tucksworth: {from TV} Caleb, don't your dare eat my lunch.
Caleb: {from TV} I shall dare.
{Suddenly, Firebert spews out his soda.}
GUNHAVER: {off-screen} Haha! I should use the ice cream and soda mixture on other people, like Reynold or Blue Laser, or...
Fun Facts
- This is the end of the Delta 1001 era (which began in email 15).
- Gunhaver changed his email address in Butterfly Effect.
- Another reference to that change is when Gunhaver exclaims that he did not get the Rangeresque email from Black Laser and Rangeresque.
- Gunhaver's Fred is Not Dead song is based on the song, The Cheat is Not Dead, which was first heard in caper.
- This email is based on cheat talk.
- Gunhaver made fun of the fact that there are SBEmail clones in fanstuff emails.
- Bread and Sugar seems to be a running gag. It was first mentioned in the Shim-Sham-Sam email, Sttstis, in Bread, and in Evil.
- The TV show Firebert, Ripberger, and Reynold were watching was Caleb Rentpayer, which was shown/heard in secret recipes and Bug in Mouth Disease.
- Someone spewing out soda when drinking it with ice cream at the same time is a fact, but someone flying like Firebert is not (of course, it could be different for Cheats).
- Firebert did speak English before flying off due to the soda and ice cream mixture.
- When Gunhaver said "what the fr..." he did not mean to cuss. He meant to say "What the freak?"
