Other Character Email Gunhaver/Monument
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Summary
Gunhaver decides to visit his monument. But then, Contestro wreaks havoc.
Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Alpha Stan, Contestro Sevornkey, Carteen Sraven, Crontes Sevorn, Pineface, Silent Rip, Fightgar, Arrowhaver, Reinforcements,
Lines: 116
Transcript
{Cut to Gunhaver in front of the Alpha 1260. Alpha Stan is on the screen.}
GUNHAVER: LIAAAAAAAAME: s'ti ,evif-ytfif rebmun ta ni gnimoc dnA!!!!
ALPHA STAN:Hello Gunhaver. You have two unread email(s).
{Gunhaver presses a button to make the following email appear on the screen.}
Subject:Monument
So how's that monument Reynold
built going?
-Doreauxgard
GUNHAVER: {reading} So, how's that monument Re... the Cheat Commandos built going? Dor... uh... Dor YEOWX gard. {typing} Ugh. All people with their complicated names, like Fhqwhgads, Desterhoft, and, Myacorogsoctistxigmoreatsesfromserfader? You're added to the list. DING! Anyway, DorYEOWXgard, are you talking about the monument the Cheat Commandos built because Mitchell told me to? Are you talking about the monument that gave the Cheat Commandos a free vacation? Are you talking about that the email was a SBEmail clone? That email, DorYEOWXgard? Eh?
{Clears page.}
GUNHAVER: Why didn't you say so? Let's take a look at old monumy.
{Cut to where the monument is. The monument is basically a large statue of Gunhaver (slightly messy) with Gunhaver's name engraved into the base.
GUNHAVER: Ah, old monumy is looking great.
{Suddenly, a large white beam is shot at the monument, blowing it up, reducing the statue into piles of rubble scattered on the ground. The base is slightly broken.}
GUNHAVER: What? No! Monumy! Who the crap did this to old monumy?
CONTESTRO: {off-screen} Why, me, Gunhaver.
{Cut to Contestro inside a large robot with a cannon for a right arm. The robot has the large red letters CS engraved into the torso.}
GUNHAVER: {off-screen} GASP! It's... It's... Umdero Sadorksy!
CONTESTRO: WHY ARE YOU KEEPING ON CALLING ME THAT? YOU KNOW I HATE THAT NAME!
GUNHAVER: {off-screen} Which is exactly why I called you that.
CONTESTRO: EGHHH... MMJIPHGK... You're going to pay Gunhaver, big time. I started already with the destruction of your feeble and ugly monument.
{Gunhaver walks onscreen.}
GUNHAVER: How dare you destroy and insult the monument made by the Cheat Commandos! Even thought it might have been made in the course of two days. But why did you destroy the monument?
CONTESTRO: To show you the ferocity of the robot given to me by Carteen!
GUNHAVER: Man, I wish Gyro finished building the Joel robot now.
CONTESTRO: Funny you should mention that robot. I'm on a mission to not only invade the Cheat Commandos HQ and make your life miserable, but I'm also here to eliminate any traces of the Joel robot that Carteen says will defeat us, as well as any plans and inventors involved in the building of the robot!
GUNHAVER: Okay, so Gyro is doomed. Say, where are Carteen and that other guy?
CONTESTRO: Oh, you mean Carteen and Crontes? Carteen is using his 20X5.5 technology to give Crontes his eyesight back, IN COLOR.
{Cut to the Blue Laser CS HQ, where Carteen is in front of Crontes, holding a small machine in front of Crontes's shades.}
CARTEEN: Can you see yet?
CRONTES: No.
CARTEEN: Can you see yet?
CRONTES: No.
CARTEEN: Can you see yet?
CRONTES: No.
{Cut back to Contestro (in the robot) and Gunhaver.}
CONTESTRO: And now, Gunhaver, prepare to be shot in the face! HYAH!!!
{Then the robot shoots a white laser out of its cannon arm at Gunhaver. Gunhaver dives out of the way, making the white laser create a large explosion that vaporizes a lot of trees and creates a large crater on the ground.}
{Cut to Gunhaver, who is on the ground. Gunhaver stands up.}
GUNHAVER: Wow, that was close.
{Then Pineface comes.}
PINEFACE: You okay? I was just getting out of the forest, and when those trees were vaporized, I was free. Anyway, I want to join the Cheat Commandos. Just don't tease me.
GUNHAVER: Uh, now's not the time.
PINEFACE: Why not?
GUNHAVER: Because there is a maniac with a killer robot and...
PINEFACE: WATCH OUT!
{Pineface pushes Gunhaver away, making them not get hit by a white laser blast. Cut to Gunhaver and Pineface running to the Cheat Commandos HQ.}
GUNHAVER: Okay, if we survive, you're in.
{Cut to inside the Cheat Commandos HQ. Gunhaver and Pineface are in a room with Silent Rip, Fightgar, Arrowhaver, and Reinforcements. Fightgar has his machine gun, Arrowhaver has his high-tech bow with lethal bullet arrows, Reinforcements has his JRBRR, and Silent Rip has a pistol with a silencer attached.}
GUNHAVER: {mumbling} I would've thought there'd be more people who can use guns or rocket launchers here.
SILENT RIP: What about Firebert? He can use dynamite. And Ripberger can use a sword.
GUNHAVER: But he destroyed my Delta. And the robot you're facing against requires to be fought with projectiles. Anyway, {to Pineface} I hope you know fighting.
PINEFACE: Well, I would when my caravan of weapons arrive.
GUNHAVER: {sigh} All right. Come with me. {to the others} As for you four, make sure that you make Contestro scream like a girl.
SILENT RIP, FIGHTGAR, ARROWHAVER, and REINFORCEMENTS: Yes sir!
{Cut to the laboratory, where Gyro is working on an experiment with a mask. Gunhaver and Pineface pop onscreen, breaking some beakers with some liquid, ticking Gyro off.}
GUNHAVER: Hey Gyro.
GYRO: Doesn't anybody ring the doorbell anymore?
GUNHAVER: You know that this is not your lab. It's ours.
GYRO: But I use it. Just get to the point.
GUNHAVER: You know about the Joel robot you're making?
GYRO: {happily} I knew it! I knew you would approve of my robot! Now I need to continue working on it {close up} in my secret lab room.
GUNHAVER: {off-screen} You mean the one by the back wall of the HQ and lab?
{Cut to a large view of the lab, where the head of the Joel Dawson robot is by the back wall.}
GYRO: Oh. I definitely need privacy in this laboratory.
{Suddenly, there is an explosion as everything not attached to the floor or tables (attached to the floors) or walls fall down. Cut to Contestro in his robot, going through a hole in the wall.}
GYRO: {off-screen} You know there was a DOOR for you to use!
GUNHAVER: {off-screen} How did you get in here? I thought you were going to be defeated by the guards outside!
CONTESTRO: I flew and fell through the roof before coming here. I guess I completely missed killing your commandos. And now, I shall destroy the robot, the plans, and the creators! Plus, I shall make your life miserable, Gunhaver!
{Cut to Gyro, Gunhaver, and Pineface.}
GYRO: Let me guess, you were going to tell me about this before?
GUNHAVER: Yes.
PINEFACE: We're doomed.
GYRO: Actually, we have a 95.65434% of surviving this.
PINEFACE: Well, thank you, Mr. Calculus the Boring.
GYRO: You're welcome.
{Suddenly, Contestro in his robot leans onscreen.}
CONTESTRO: STOP BABBLING AND LET ME KILL YOU!
GYRO: Go ahead. {to Gunhaver} Gunhaver, use the Deus Ex Machine!
GUNHAVER: The what?
{Gyro points to something. Cut to what Gyro is pointing at, a circular machine that says "DEUS EX MACHINAE." Gunhaver walks to the machine.}
GUNHAVER: This is going to be the cheapest solution ever in the history of Gunhaver emails.
{Gunhaver presses a button, and suddenly, there is a white flash. Cut to Gunhaver in front of the Alpha 1260.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} And that, my dear friend DorYEOWXgard is how we defeated Contestro Sevornkey, again, using a cheap way to find the solution. I'll go and watch some TV.
{Cut to Gunhaver, Silent Rip, and Fightgar on the couch, watching TV.}
GUNHAVER: And so, the monument is back to normal and everything that Contestro in that robot has caused did not happen. The end.
FIGHTGAR: That was a horrible ending.
SILENT RIP: Word.
{Then Alpha Stan appears on a wall with the following message.}
Click here to email Gunhaver at GEmail.exe
Easter Eggs
- Click on Alpha Stan to see this:
{Gunhaver turns around and gets surprised at the sight of Alpha Stan on the wall.}
GUNHAVER: ALPHA STAN??? I thought you were supposed to appear in the Alpha 1260 only! Oh man! Now I'm going to have nightmares about this, and other instances where you suddenly appear on walls or on streets or, you know.
- Click on the TV to see this:
{Cut to what happened due to the Deus Ex Machine at the monument. Things go in reverse as Contestro in the robot go away backwards, the monument gets rebuilt backwards, and everything else that happens go backwards. Then the words "Try the Deus Ex Machine Today!"}
GYRO: {voiceover} Got an unsolvable problem? Use the Deus Ex Machine! To buy, call me at 555-5555555555555555555555555555555GYRO'SINVENTIONS5.
FIGHTGAR: {off-screen (watching TV)} This commercial sucks!
Fun Facts
- The monument is from the Doreauxgard email Monument.
- Gunhaver's email rap is based on the one from caffeine.
- Desterhoft is the name of the email sender in replacement.
- You all should know what Fhqwhgads is (it's also the name of the sixth email).
- The Joel robot was first used in Robots, which was used to defeat Contestro and his Rusty Duck Clan robot. The robot was made by Gyro.
- Crontes lost his eyesight in Contestro.
- This email contradicts something Silent Rip says in Invasion, where he says he doesn't use a gun. Here, he uses a silenced pistol.
- Firebert was a cause of the destruction of the Delta in Douglas.
- The Deus Ex Machine references a Deus Ex Machina, which is a solution (probably cheap) to a seemingly impossible problem.
- Gunhaver breaks the Fourth Wall.
- This is the first time Alpha Stan tells the readers to email Gunhaver outside the Alpha 1260.
- Gyro's phone number having 555 is a reference to cartoon characters' phone numbers that have 555s, meaning that the phone numbers are fictional.
- Plus, the phone number is impossible, or it's too long and it has an apostrophe.
