Other Character Email Gunhaver/Invasion
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
Summary
Gunhaver, Flashfight, and Reinforcements are still stuck in the woods. Meanwhile, the Cheat Commandos, lost without their leaders and inexperienced commandos, aren't ready for Blue Laser's attack. Basically, it's brutal assault.
Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Flashfight, Reinforcements, Fightgar, Silent Rip, Crackotage, Firebert, Ripberger, Foxface, Wedginator, Gyro, BlastFit, Tomahaver, Steve, Reynold, Pineface, Arrowhaver, Blue Laser, Blue Laser Robots, Jewel
Lines: 110
Transcript
{We cut to the forest. Gunhaver, Flashfight, and Reinforcements walk out of a grove and to a river. Gunhaver is holding his slightly damaged Delta 1001.}
REINFORCEMENTS: Gunhaver, just where are we goring?
GUNHAVER: Somewhere that has electricity or something so I can answer an email.
FLASHFIGHT: Does zat theeng steel work?
GUNHAVER: That's what I want to find out. Do you still have your portable generator?
FLASHFIGHT: Why deedn't you ask? I had eet weeth mee ze whole time.
{Then Flashfight gives Gunhaver the generator. Then the time card appears.}
30 minutes later{Then we cut to Gunhaver in front of the Delta 1001, which is still functional. He types in
gunhaver_email.exe. Due to the Delta 1001 slightly malfunctioning, some words are not visible.}
DearGunhaver,
Where on earth is Carmen San Diego?
-The Chief,(Locationnotavailable.)
GUNHAVER: I should be asking: Where on earth is your question mark? Or, why the crap is your name (Location available)? But the real question should be: Who the crap is Carmen San Diego?
FLASHFIGHT: I zink shee's zees creemeenal in TV shows.
REINFORCEMENTS: She wors in this thing called V.I.L.E. She stole stuff.
FLASHFIGHT: Like education, language, ze world's landmarks, she changed time, and deed other stuff.
GUNHAVER: Well, should we care about this?
REINFORCEMENTS: Would you rorther korp on rorfing it?
GUNHAVER: I thought you liked roughing it!
REINFORCEMENTS: I'm getting tired of it.
FLASHFIGHT: All right! Wee're going to find Carmen San Diego! Anee ideeas?
GUNHAVER: Um, Cairo? I think that's a must.
{Then we cut to the living room in the Cheat Commandos HQ. We see Fightgar, Silent Rip, Crackotage, Firebert, Ripberger, Foxface, Wedginator, Gyro, BlastFit, Tomahaver, Steve, Reynold, and Pineface in the living room, watching TV. Pineface is sitting away from the rest of the group.}
FIGHTGAR: So now that Gunhaver, Flashfight, and Reinforcements are gone, what should we do?
SILENT RIP: I dunno.
Firebert: {Cheatese}
Crackotage: With our leaders and veteran missing, we can't even plan a dissing! He, he, hah, hah!
FOXFACE: I'm bored. I want to go shopping.
GYRO: No. Don't. Jewel called, and she said the mall's closed.
FOXFACE: {slightly suspicious} Why would she call you?
GYRO: Uh...
RIPBERGER: {Japanese}
WEDGINATOR: My axes of the linear gravy!
STEVE: Well, I guess the only thing to do now is to watch a marathon of Pokemon.
The Rest: NO!/{Cheatese}/{Japanese}/DaAaAaAaAaAaA! My tuna are soles of nylon burgers!
{Then we cut to another room. We hear the others' incomprehensible conversation. Then we pan down to a pipe, where Arrowhaver is using a shovel to dig on the earth above. Blue Laser is there, waiting. Finally, the last pile of earth blocking the tunnel falls on Arrowhaver.}
BLUE LASER: AT LAST! THE PATHWAY IS COMPLETE! NOW MY ARMY AND I CAN FINALLY CRUSH THE CHEAT COMMANDOS! PLUS, I'VE MADE SURE TO GET RID OF GUNHAVER, AND MAYBE THE EXPERIENCED ONES TOO, TO A WILD GOOSE CHASE FROM THE EMAIL I SENT HIM! NOW, MY ARMY, USE YOUR JET PACKS TO GO UP THAT TUNNEL! ARROWHAVER WILL CARRY ME UP THERE!
{Then ominous music plays as we cut to the basement, which is nothing but an empty room with an earth floor. There is a large hole on the floor. From that hole, thousands of Blue Laser Robots fly out and march towards the stairs. Then the leader of the robots shoots a blue laser at the door, vaporizing it. Then they march to a corridor.}
Blue Laser Robot: Where to, sir?
Blue Laser Robot Leader: Scanning... Scanning report: The remaining Cheat Commandos are in the living room, watching TV. The Cheat Commandos not present are: Gunhaver, Flashfight, and Reinforcements.
BLUE LASER: {from the hole} THEN ATTACK!
{Then we see the Blue Laser Robots marching towards the living room. In the living room, the Cheat Commandos (including Reynold) are watching TV.}
TOMAHAVER: {bored} This is the worst TV show I've ever seen.
BLASTFIT: I swear I'll break into a fit if the show doesn't get any better.
{Just then, the TV is blown up.}
SILENT RIP: Firebert, did you blow up the TV again?
Firebert: {Cheatese, then turns around and lets out panicked Cheatese}
{Then the rest of the Cheat Commandos in the room turn around and see the army of Blue Laser Robots.}
Blue Laser Robot Leader: Surrender or die, suckas.
FIGHTGAR: We won't give up without a fight! HYAAH!!!!
{Then Fightgar dives towards the army, pulls out his machine gun in a flash, and begins shooting bullets at several of the robots, blowing them up, including the Blue Laser Robot Leader. The other Cheat Commandos cheer.}
GYRO: Go Fightgar! Whoo!
PINEFACE: Okay, you can stop now. Jeez! Some people are weird.
{Fightgar continues destroying the robots with bullets while rolling to dodge the several blue lasers shot at him. Finally, Fightgar runs out of bullets.}
FIGHTGAR: Uh, guys? A little help?
{Then we cut to the other Cheat Commandos. We hear a zap and Fightgar's scream as he is sent flying into a wall, unconscious.}
SILENT RIP: They took out Fightgar! I'll give them what's for with my silencers!
STEVE: You can shoot?
SILENT RIP: No.
{Then we cut to Silent Rip facing the robot army. He throws silencers at the robots, doing absolutely nothing good. Meanwhile, the others start fighting the robots too. Firebert is using dynamites to blow up the robots, nearly killing several of the Cheat Commandos several times. Ripberger is using his sword and shurikens to try destroying the robots, but they take a lot of hits in order to be destroyed this way. Foxface is spraying perfume at robots, and if she's lucky, they would shut down. Otherwise, she would whack the robots with her bulletproof handbag. Gyro is using his gyro backpack to try escaping, except it's a little messed up, so he isn't flying. Luckily, the gyro itself is slicing the robots into pieces. BlastFit is using his ion cannon to blast several of the robots into pieces. Tomahaver is slicing at the robots with his tomahawk, doing the same effect as Ripberger. Steve, Reynold, Wedginator, and Pineface try running away, but the robots corner them and throw them into cages brought into the room.}
{Then we cut to Blue Laser walking into the room with Arrowhaver (extremely exhausted and sweaty) by his side.}
BLUE LASER: AHH! WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT! THE CHEAT COMMANDOS' BUTTS ARE BEING KICKED BY MY ARMY!
{Just then, we hear the breaking of glass. Then Jewel lands on the floor and begins to use her two machine guns to blast at the robots, destroying several of them at once.}
GYRO: Jewel! You came!
{Just then, the robots surrounding the distracted Gyro beat him up and throw him into a cage. Soon, Silent Rip, Firebert (who ran out of TNT), Ripberger (his sword is shattered while trying to destroy several robots at once), Fightgar (still unconscious), Foxface (the robots took her handbag), and Tomahaver (his tomahawk is lodged into a disabled robot) are thrown into cages. The only Cheat Commandos remaining in the battle at BlastFit and Jewel. Then Blue Laser walks to them. Blue Laser Robots surround them in a tight circle.}
BLUE LASER: IT'S OVER! YOU'RE WAY OUTNUMBERED! NOW GO INTO YOUR CAGES WHILE WE WAIT FOR GUNHAVER, REINFORCEMENTS, AND FLASHFIGHT TO COME SO WE CAN CRUSH THEM!
JEWEL: Which is why we must find them first. Come BlastFit.
{Then Jewel throws a smoke down onto the floor. Smoke is spread around the whole room. When the smoke clears, both Jewel and BlastFit are gone.}
BLUE LASER: WHAT THE CRAP??? OH WELL, WE'LL STILL CRUSH THEM! BUT NOW, TODAY IS A VICTORY FOR BLUE LASER!
{Then we cut to Jewel and BlastFit walking away from the Cheat Commandos HQ, which is slightly letting out smoke.}
BLASTFIT: So what are we going to do?
JEWEL: We are going to find Gunhaver, Flashfight, and Reinforcements, and hopefully, reinforcements.
BLASTFIT: You really like Reinforcements that much?
JEWEL: {ignoring BlastFit} But I don't know where they are. This is turning into a rather hopeless situation. Where in the world are they?
{Then we see them walking away to the sunset. When they're gone from view, the Paper comes down, saying Click here to email Gunhaver at gunhaver@homestarrunner.com.}
Fun Facts
- This is continuing from Camping, where Gunhaver, Reinforcements, and Flashfight go camping and Blue Laser prepares his army.
- Carmen San Diego is a popular fictional villain in educational TV shows and games. What Reinforcements and Flashfight described about her are true. A catchphrase in the Carmen San Diego games/shows is, "Where on earth is Carmen San Diego?"
- The reason why Gunhaver suggested they should look in Cairo to look for Carmen San Diego is because if you type in Goggle "Where on earth is Carmen San Diego?", you'll get back in the results Cairo, Egypt.
- Jewel is a character made in the Cheat Commandos Characters section.
- Pokemon is an anime that was pretty good in the past, but it's jumping the shark right now (my best description of the show). Steve was made to be like Meowth, a popular Pokemon.
- A silencer is a small metal tube used to make a gun not make any sound when it shoots a bullet, so Silent Rip threw metal tubes at the robots.
- In the next email, Jewel and BlastFit will find Gunhaver, Reinforcements, and Flashfight (who found Carmen San Diego) and then they look for allies. Then they'll fight back against Blue Laser probably in email 48, so there can be only one filler email (49) before the email that ends this story arc, email 50.
