Other Character Email Gunhaver/Vacation
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Summary
After losing a court case, Gunhaver and some chosen Cheat Commandos go on a vacation, or do they? Well, Gunhaver doesn't.
Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Alpha Stan, Reynold, Silent Rip, Fightgar, Crackotage, Arrowhaver, Tomahaver, Iron Prizefighter, Reinforcements, Steve (off-screen), Commander Blaze, Dr. Reynolds, Splitknot, Strident Spy, Ultramarine Laser (silhouette only), Guninator, Disputant Rogue, Ripper-Wan Kenobi, Flama, Flashfight
Lines: 214 lines
Transcript
{Cut to the Alpha 1260. Gunhaver walks to the computer, grumbling angrily, before sitting down in front of it.}
GUNHAVER: {grumbling} Stupid Reynold, Steve, Dr. Croctor, Jokester, Silent Rip...
Well to cheer you up, you have a new email.
GUNHAVER: Well, okay.
{He presses a button to make the email appear on the screen. Then he reads it.}
Subject: TravelingHey Gunhaver.
-Interstellar Stella, The Farthest Reaches of the Galaxy.
Have you ever been on a vacation of some sort?
If so I Reccomend Japan, Florida, New York, and California.
Those are all beautiful Locations
GUNHAVER: Ah, so, Gyro did do his job after all. I thought he would just slack off. Anyway, {typing} Wella Stella, er... well Stell... okay, my spelling is messed up because of this one COURT CASE!!! But anyway, I've already been to Japan, Florida, New York, and California. Although I liked my trip to Japan the best.
{Cut to Gunhaver taking a picture of Reynold in front of a Japanese tea house.}
GUNHAVER: Okay, now, say... {looks in a book before speaking Japanese}
REYNOLD: {Japanese}
{Just then, a Cheat sumo-wrestler jumps onto Reynold. Gunhaver laughs.}
GUNHAVER: Oh man! I just made him say "Hey tubby! Beat me up!" in Japanese!
{Cut to Gunhaver in a room with Silent Rip, Fightgar, Crackotage, Arrowhaver, Tomahaver, Iron Prizefighter, and Reinforcements.}
GUNHAVER: Hey! Where's 1-Up?
STEVE: {off-screen} Don't you remember? He's back in the future!
GUNHAVER: Okay, so, the reason why I called you all in here is because we're going on a road trip to somewhere! And we're going to use the Cheat Commandos Deluxe Jeep!
{All the other Cheat Commandos say ooh and ah.}
GUNHAVER: Now remember that the jeep can only fit six, so I will need to eliminate two of you. So, Silent Rip and Reinforcements, you two are not coming!
REINFORCEMENTS: What?
SILENT RIP: Why?
GUNHAVER: Silent Rip, you are a horrible lawyer. And Reinforcements, remember that time when we went camping?
REINFORCEMENTS: No.
GUNHAVER: Oh come on! Remember when Flashfight and I brought stuff that you hated in camping trips and blasted them up with your Justice Rocket Backpack Rocket Rocket?
REINFORCEMENTS: We never went on a...
{Suddenly, Reinforcements gets into a violent coughing fit. Finally, he spits out phlegm to the right (don't worry, we don't really see it. He's on the right side of the screen).}
REYNOLD: {off-screen} Ew! Gross! Who spat that at me???
REINFORCEMENTS: {in new voice} Sorry, I just had something really bad stuck in my throat for about a year or so. Anyway, we never went on a camping trip.
GUNHAVER: Yeah, well... crap... just don't tell this to Reynold.
REINFORCEMENTS: Okay.
GUNHAVER: So as for the five I didn't mention at all, let's go!
{Cut to a highway. Some road trip song is playing in the background. Cut to the jeep, where Gunhaver is driving.}
FIGHTGAR: So, where are we going?
GUNHAVER: I dunno. Somewhere far away so I can forget about my recent loss in that one court case.
IRON PRIZEFIGHTER: I think that court case was unfair.
GUNHAVER: Thanks Iron Prizey! I feel better already!
IRON PRIZEFIGHTER: Don't call me Iron Prizey.
CRACKOTAGE: Hey, let's do some games to have some fun, or I'll just kick out all the buns! Hya-hya-hoo-hoo!
FIGHTGAR: Wow, your rhymes are getting worse! Fun and buns don't rhyme!
GUNHAVER: Speaking of buns, I could use some food right now, cause I am...
{Just then, a large purple laser shoots down from the sky at Gunhaver. The laser and Gunhaver disappear. The 5 Cheat Commandos are surprised, and they aren't surprised when the jeep drives off a cliff. Then we hear a crash.}
TOMAHAVER: {off-screen} Thank goodness for that conveniently placed huge trampoline!
{Cut to the Chabarg Commandos HQ in 30X1. Commander Blaze and Dr. Reynolds are standing in front of a large metallic pad.}
DR. REYNOLDS: Any minute now.
{Then a large purple laser shoots down onto the pad. Then the laser disappears as Gunhaver appears on the pad in a position that looks like he's driving a car.}
GUNHAVER: ...hungry, and Arrowhaver... What the crap? Where the crap am I? Oh no! Reynold's right! I am going crazy!
{Gunhaver faints. Commander Blaze looks at Dr. Reynolds angrily.}
COMMANDER BLAZE: Who is he? Whoever he is, he is definitely not Tampo, Brody, and Stlunko!
DR. REYNOLDS: Oh, I must have made a mistake in the multidimensional transport command.
COMMANDER BLAZE: Well, can't you send him back and summon Tampo, Brody, and Stlunko?
{Dr. Reynolds looks at his computer, which looks like a pod that shoots out hologram projections.}
DR. REYNOLDS: I'm afraid not. This program is a little too weak, so it can only send one multidimensional transport, although I think this is just time-traveling, since this is Gunhaver, a Cheat Commando, and Guninator's ancestor.
COMMANDER BLAZE: Yeah, that's great. So you're telling me that because of your mistake, Ultramarine Laser's army is going to kick our butts?
DR. REYNOLDS: Well, that's 99% probable.
COMMANDER BLAZE: I need to decrease your salary. But, we might as well get help from Gunhaver, if he is of any help.
{Cut to Gunhaver, who wakes up. He is in his computer room, in front of his Alpha 1260.}
GUNHAVER: Whoa! I had a crazy dream Alpha Stan! I dreamt that I was sent to the future and that I fainted!
{Just then, the room disappears as Gunhaver appears in a futuristic room. Commander Blaze, Dr. Reynolds, and Splitknot.}
DR. REYNOLDS: Yeah, I guess he's not susceptible to amnesia caused by shock.
SPLITKNOT: Dang, and I was just about to send him back in time using a fifthhand machine that would still rock.
GUNHAVER: Guys, give me one good reason why I shouldn't faint for two weeks.
COMMANDER BLAZE: Because we, the Chabarg Commandos, need your help in fighting Ultramarine Laser's forces!
{Pause.}
GUNHAVER: Uh, I think I should faint.
COMMANDER BLAZE: Don't, because if Ultramarine Laser defeats us, he will be able to rule the universe! Then he will find a way to manipulate dimensions to screw all of them up! That means that your dimension will be messed up as well!
GUNHAVER: Fine, I'll help. Just what do I have to do?
DR. REYNOLDS: Well, we meant to get Tampo, Brody, and Stlunko to help us, but due to some interferences...
COMMANDER BLAZE: {interrupting} ...which involve you and only you.
DR. REYNOLDS: No, there were interferences. I just didn't want to tell you since you'd be worried! Ultramarine can hack into our technology now! Either that, or someone on the inside is sabatoging our technology!
COMMANDER BLAZE: Oh craxap. I'm definitely more than worried.
{Commander Blaze faints onto the ground.}
SPLITKNOT: Great, now you're the leader, and you'd better make this a good deed!
GUNHAVER: While resisting the impulse to ask why the other Chabarg Commandos can't lead, all right. Just show me the enemy.
{Cut to a large bubble that's flying over the Chabarg Commandos HQ. From here, we can see how dismal the environment is. Cut to inside the bubble, where Gunhaver is using a futuristic version of binoculars (they look like shades) to look at the enemy while Dr. Reynolds is standing next to him. Cut to what Gunhaver is looking at, Ultramarine's Laser, which consists of multiple blue ships, hovercraft tanks, and large machines that have cannons and walk on four legs. Cut to the bubble.}
GUNHAVER: Holy crap.
DR. REYNOLDS: You mean "holy craxap."
GUNHAVER: How about this? Me no speak no good future speaking!
DR. REYNOLDS: That means you're good at the present dialect.
GUNHAVER: Oh be quiet! You're just as bad as your ancestor!
{Just then, Strident Spy pops into the bubble (don't ask how).}
STRIDENT SPY: {screaming} DR. REYNOLDS! SOME OTHER THING I DON'T KNOW!
GUNHAVER: My name's Gunhaver. And please don't blow up my ear drums!
STRIDENT SPY: {screaming} I DON'T CARE! I'M JUST SAYING I HAVE HORRIBLE NEWS! OUR MASTER SHEILD'S SABOTAGED! IT'S BLASTED INTO SMITHEREENS BY THE USE OF AN ION CANNON!
DR. REYNOLDS: What??? That shield was our last defensive hope! Who could have done such a thing? Only a person from the inside could do that!
GUNHAVER: Well, we'll solve that dumb mystery later. For now, it's time for me to lead y'all in battling Blue Laser's forces.
DR. REYNOLDS: It's Ultramarine Laser.
GUNHAVER: It's the same.
DR. REYNOLDS: {unfocused} True.
STRIDENT SPY: {screaming} HOW ARE YOU PLANNING TO LEAD US IN THIS BATTLE IF YOU'RE NOT EVEN FROM AROUND HERE?
GUNHAVER: I know this particular army. Just leave it to me.
{Cut to Ultramarine Laser's large army making their way towards the Chabarg Commandos HQ. Pan out to reveal that it's just a hologram (with very good quality) that Ultramarine Laser (only his silhouette is visible) is watching.}
ULTRAMARINE LASER: Excellent. The shields are down and this particular army is the kind of army that the Chabarg Commandos have no knowledge about. Victory is inevitable.
{Pan to the right to reveal that Guninator, Disputant Rogue, and Ripper-Wan are still in their prisons in the room.}
ULTRAMARINE LASER: And it's all thanks to you three, who gave me the whereabouts to the Chabarg Commandos HQ!
DISPUTANT ROGUE: {distorted} Yeah, by force.
ULTRAMARINE LASER: Shut up! You're not allowed to speak under my captivity!
{Cut to outside the Chabarg Commandos HQ. Tense music plays as ten of the largest hovercraft tanks hover to the front and shoot plasma energy blasts at the Chabarg Commandos HQ, blowing up chunks of the large building. Then the turrets on the HQ aim at the tanks and start shooting rapid energy balls at the tanks. Some of the tanks are destroyed, but most of the turrets are blasted by the tanks. Cut to inside a large assembly room with a lot of ships, battleships, tanks, and other vehicles. Gunhaver is on a large lifted platform floating over the largest battleship.}
GUNHAVER: All right guys! I may not be from around here, and I may be new, but Ultramarine Laser's army shows me nothing new! So, follow my command and kick some Blue Laser butt!
FLAMA: {off-screen} Ultramarine Laser it is.
GUNHAVER: Shut up! And Splitknot tells me your name sucks, so shut up! Now, let's GO!!
{Cut to the battle site. Thousands of ships, hundreds of tanks, and several battleships fly (the tanks are hovercrafts) out of the building and start shooting large green lasers at the opposing army, destroying ships and tanks, causing large explosions. Meanwhile, Ultramarine Laser's army fights back with blue laser, creating explosions as the Chabarg Commandos ship blow up. Meanwhile, the largest battleship and several small ships fly towards the large walking machines. Cut to inside the battleship, where Gunhaver is looking at the battle through a machine. He is looking at the Chabarg Commandos through holograms.}
GUNHAVER: All right guys. This'd better work. If not, tell Foxface...
STRIDENT SPY: {screaming} WHO IS FOXFACE?
GUNHAVER: Never mind. Do your ships have some kind of really strong string?
CHABARG COMMANDOS: Yes.
GUNHAVER: Perfect! Here's my plan!
{Cut to a ship flying towards the four-legged machine. The machine shoots a blue laser at the ship, blasting it into nothing. Still, another ship flies to the machine's legs. Then it releases a string made of energy and starts to fly around the machine's legs. After flying around in four rotations, the ship flies away, releasing the string, and making the four-legged machine fall. Then the battleship flies to the machine and blasts it with a large white laser, making it blow up. Cut to the battleship's interior.}
GUNHAVER: Whoo! That plan does work! Thank you Star Wars!
STRIDENT SPY: WHAT IS THIS STAR WARS YOU TALK ABOUT?
GUNHAVER: Look, don't you guys have a library of history or something?
SPLITKNOT: Ultramarine Laser vaporized most of the books offending him and ding.
GUNHAVER: Ding?
SPLITKNOT: Something.
GUNHAVER: Okay, that's weird.
SPLITKNOT: But I have a cooler beard!
GUNHAVER: Shut up and continue destroying stuff!
SPLITKNOT: Fine, since I'm tough!
GUNHAVER: Okay, now, let's do the string thing again!
{Cut to Ultramarine Laser's lair. He is watching the battle and the Chabarg Commandos destroying his four-legged machines and other ships.}
ULTRAMARINE LASER: Drat, my plan isn't working. They do know how to fight my army.
GUNINATOR: {off-screen and distorted} Whoo-hoo! Another score for the good guys!
ULTRAMARINE LASER: Shut up! Besides! My spy can always pull off a Deus Ex Machina!
{Ultramarine Laser throws a sphere to the ground to make a hologram appear. Cut to Guninator's surprised face.}
GUNINATOR: {distorted} No! It can't be!
ULTRAMARINE LASER: {off-screen} Spy, execute Plan Deus Ex Machina.
VOICE: {off-screen} Well, by sabotaging the shields, I don't have enough energy to do that, sir. But I can the next-best thing.
{Cut to a room in the Chabarg Commandos HQ. Commander Blaze is looking horrified as he looks at a silhouette of a person. He is standing by a machine.}
COMMANDER BLAZE: No! I won't let you get away with this!
{Cut to the battle site. The Chabarg Commandos have won, for only their vehicles are visible. Cut to the battleship's interior. Gunhaver is looking at the battle site.}
GUNHAVER: Man! Even in the future, battles are easy! This is just like a video game or an action-packed sci-fi movie! But what the heck does sci-fi mean? Nerdular nerdences?
{Just then, a large explosion is heard. Everything in the battleship is shaken by force, knocking Gunhaver off of his chair. Dr. Reynolds runs into the room where Gunhaver is.}
DR. REYNOLDS: Oh no! Terrible news! Despite our victory, the Chabarg Commandos HQ is obliterated!
{Gunhaver winces as he gets up.}
GUNHAVER: Uh-oh, that's not good.
{Cut to where the Chabarg Commandos HQ used to be. It is not a large pile of burnt material and ash. Cut to the battleship's interior.}
STRIDENT SPY: {screaming} OH MAN! ALL THAT WORK FOR NOTHING!
FLAMA: Won, at least we did.
SPLITKNOT: Shut up, you zid.
GUNHAVER: What's a zid?
DR. REYNOLD: Don't ask. He can be very weird. Also his rhyming is starting to suck now. Anyway, what are we going to do now?
{Just then, Commander Blaze's hologram appears.}
COMMANDER BLAZE: Don't worry. I managed to transport some of our important material and myself to the last safe HQ.
GUNHAVER: What??? That's all? Man! You guys are cheap!
STRIDENT SPY: {screaming} CHEAP, BUT... ER... NOT-CHEAP!
DR. REYNOLDS: Yeah, that's real nice. Anyway, I guess that's where we should go.
{Cut to the battle site. The battleships, ships, and tanks fly to the dark mountains to the last Chabarg Commandos HQ. Fade to black.}
{Cut to the Cheat Commandos. Fightgar, Arrowhaver, Tomahaver, Iron Prizefighter, and Crackotage are talking to Reynold and Flashfight.}
IRON PRIZEFIGHTER: And suddenly, a beam shot from the sky and made Gunhaver disappear!
TOMAHAVER: We would have tried to investigate if the jeep didn't fall off a cliff and onto a trampoline!
FLASHFIGHT: So how's the jeep?
ARROWHAVER: Very mangled.
FLASHFIGHT: Crap.
REYNOLD: Something weird is going on. I think...
FLASHFIGHT: Shut up. All wee need to care about is ze jeep!
{Alpha Stan appears on a wall, delivering his message.}
Click here to email Gunhaver at GEmail.exe
Easter Eggs
- Click on the book Gunhaver reads to see it's front cover:
Learn to Speak Japanese to Humiliate or Harm your Friends or Enemies! By L. Sportsinterviews II
"As the title suggests, learn to speak Japanese to Humiliate or Harm your Friends or Enemies!"
- When Commander Blaze says he's going to decrease Dr. Reynolds' salary, click on him to see this on a hologram projector:
Dr. Reynolds' Salary: Uh, it's goin' down all right
Fun Facts
- This email is continuing from Judge Anonymousy, which is where the references to lawyers, losses, and a court case come from.
- Gunhaver's comment about Gyro doing his job is based on the job given to Gyro in Health.
- 1-Up leaving is based on the events in Other Character Email 1-Up and the fact that the crossover ended in going home 3.
- When talking to Reinforcements, Gunhaver references Camping.
- Reinforcements' coughing fit is my excuse on why he had Coach Z's voice until now, when Commandos in the Classroom was released.
- This coughing fit was how Elly's voice changed in Bonus Stage episode #75: The Day the World did Stuff.
- Fightgar saying that Crackotage's rhymes getting worse is a reference to Commandos in the Classroom.
- The same goes to Dr. Reynolds' remark about Splitknot's rhyming.
- This is another instance of an infamous running gag, conveniently placed trampolines.
- Guninator, Ripper-Wan, and Disputant Rogue being imprisoned is based on the events in ASDF.
- The battle is similar to the Battle of Hoth from Star Wars Episode V: Empire Strikes Back.
- Nerdular nerdences is based on Nerdular Nerdence from car.
- L. Sportsinterviews II is based on Leomard Sportsinterviews, a famous Homestar Runner author.
- It's also based on the creator of Commandos in the Classroom, A. Chimindez Jr..
