Other Character Email Gunhaver/Bread
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Summary
Gunhaver inherits a lifetime supply of bread bread money from his great uncle Pistolman. Meanwhile, Reynold and Reinforcements try being rich through the use of suing. The plot is not original.
Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Reynold, Mail Cheat, Judge, Reinforcements, another mail Cheat, Silent Rip, Great Uncle Pistolman (yes, he's dead, but he's in an Easter Egg)
Lines: 119
Transcript
{We go to Gunhaver in front of the Delta 1001. He types ingunhaver_email.exe.}
GUNHAVER: {singing} Oh email, you gotta eat some whatever you eat!
{Then Gunhaver presses enter to make the following email appear.}
COMBOLATIONS!!!
You have won a lifetime's supply
of bread!
from,
Contestro Sevornkey
GUNHAVER: {typing} What's so good about a lifetime's supply of bread, especially since it belongs to this lifetime? I mean, I hate bread, except for bread and sugar! And you have a weird name. Contestro Sevornkey. More like, um, Umdero Sadorksy? I don't know. I suck with names. So, I should make this email more... better.
{Gunhaver begins typing in the email to make it say the following.}
COMBOLATIONS!!!
You have won a lifetime supply
of bread money!
From,
Umdero Sadorksy
GUNHAVER: Now there's an email worth answering. Anyway, {typing} Anyway, a lifetime supply of bread money? Cool!
{Then the doorbell rings.}
GUNHAVER: Delta, who is that?
{Then the following appears on the Delta.}
There are no cameras equipped in the Delta. Go answer the door yourself, you sloth.
GUNHAVER: WHAT??? I've never had the Delta insult me! Bad computer! Anyway, I guess I'll go answer the stupid door.
{Then we cut to Gunhaver and Reynold in front of the front door.}
GUNHAVER: Now what ever happens, remember this, you are our pet.
REYNOLD: What???
GUNHAVER: Sit! Heel! Jump off the building!
{Then the door is opened and the Mail Cheat (from Black Laser) with an envelope slowly walks inside.}
MAIL CHEAT: Um, is Gunhaver in here? If not, you can have it.
GUNHAVER: Don't worry. I'm here.
{Gunhaver receives the envelope, opens it, and throws the envelope at the Mail Cheat's eye (poking it out) while taking out the letter.}
GUNHAVER: It says here that my great uncle Pistolman has recently passed away and that he has given me ten million... BREAD MONEY!!!
MAIL CHEAT: {off-screen} But how much is that in real money?
GUNHAVER: Ten million, which means I'm rich, so no claims of wealth!
REYNOLD: Do you even have a great uncle Pistolman?
{Gunhaver punches Reynold's stomach. Then we cut to the Mail Cheat, covering his injured eye while his other hand is holding another envelope.}
MAIL CHEAT: Then read this. It's important for the sake of my life!
{Gunhaver receives the envelope, opens it, and throws it at the Mail Cheat's forehead (making it stuck in his forehead) while taking out the letter.}
GUNHAVER: It says here that... you're suing me for trapping you in a hole, breaking your bones, mistreating you while you broke your bones, poking your eye out with an envelope, and lodging another envelope into your forehead.
{Then the Mail Cheat comes (covering his injured eye) with the envelope lodged in his forehead.}
GUNHAVER: Wow, you rule at predicting.
MAIL CHEAT: I know, but still, {zoom in on his face} I'll see you at court!
{Then we cut to a courtroom. Then we go to the Judge stating the verdict.}
JUDGE: The Cheat jury finds in favor of Mail Cheat for the sum of ten million bread money.
{Then the mallet comes down on the Judge's stand. Mail Cheat's fist is raised up into the air.}
MAIL CHEAT: YES!
{Then we go back to a room in the Cheat Commandos HQ. Mail Cheat now has an eye patch, a bandage on his head, and is wearing a tuxedo. Gunhaver is there as well, slightly annoyed and/or angry.}
MAIL CHEAT: You have finally paid for your mistreating me at last!
GUNHAVER: Yeah, well, bread money sucks anyway! You can go around, being all prancey and all, for you are rich with only... I'd better not spoil it. I'm leaving.
{Gunhaver leaves as Reynold comes.}
REYNOLD: You're so lucky you could punish Gunhaver like that. I can never get revenge on Gunhaver at all.
MAIL CHEAT: First, get a job.
REYNOLD: This is my job!
MAIL CHEAT: Well, then, leave, loser.
{Then Reinforcements comes as Reynold leaves.}
MAIL CHEAT: Another one? Look, I've got to leave to my new mansion, and I don't want to not see its first minute in completion from construction!
REINFORCEMENTS: It'll be jorst a mornite.
MAIL CHEAT: Well, I don't have a minute, but I do have my mailman bag that I won't be needing, so here you go.
{Mail Cheat throws the mailman bag at Reinforcement's face, knocking him onto the ground.}
REINFORCEMENTS: Ow! My face! And my five o' clock shadow!
{Then we cut to a courtroom. Then we go to the Judge stating the verdict.}
JUDGE: The Cheat jury finds in favor of Reinforcements for the sum of ten million bread money.
{Then the mallet comes down on the Judge's stand. Reinforcement's fist is raised up into the air.}
REINFORCEMENTS: YES!
{Then we cut back to the room in the Cheat Commandos HQ. Reinforcements is holding a sign that says "I'm rich." Mail Cheat looks angry and annoyed. He is back to his regular style with his mailman bag.}
REINFORCEMENTS: Hah! Now I'm rich!
MAIL CHEAT: I hate you Cheat Commandos! You always mistreat me!
{Then Mail Cheat runs away, crying.}
{Then we cut to the room with the big picture of Gunhaver. Reynold is mopping on the floor.}
REYNOLD: {sighs} I could have used those ten million bread money.
REINFORCEMENTS: {off-screen} Wortch out!
{Then Reinforcements flies into Reynold using his Justice Rocket Backpack Rocket Rocket, sending the both of them to the right side of the screen (off-screen). The scene shakes to emphasize the crash.}
REYNOLD: Ow! My body part(s)!
{Then we cut to a courtroom. Then we go to the Judge stating the verdict.}
JUDGE: {slightly annoyed} The Cheat jury finds in favor of Reynold for the sum of ten million bread money.
{Then a bat comes down on the Judge's stand in place of the mallet.}
REYNOLD: {off-screen} Wait, that's a good thing, right? What am I supposed to do to celebrate?
{Then we go back to the room in the Cheat Commandos HQ. Reynold and Gunhaver are there.}
REYNOLD: I'm so excited I'm going to be so rich! I can later retire and be a leader of new commandos!
GUNHAVER: Sounds like a pathetic dream.
{Then a doorbell is rung. Then Reynold opens the door and there is a new mail Cheat.}
New mail Cheat: Are you Reynold?
REYNOLD: Yes. Wait, do you have my ten million bread money?
New mail Cheat: Well, I guess so. Here's your order.
REYNOLD: Yes! I'm rich and... {quick zoom in onto his face} SWEET MOTHER OF CRAP-FOR-BRAINS! WHAT THE CRAP IS THAT???
{Then we go outside and zoom out after Reynold becomes horrified to see a large truck filled with loaves of bread. The bread is dumped onto Reynold.}
REYNOLD: {muffled} NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! This is almost as bad as when I won those pizzolas.
{Then we cut to the outside of Reynold's house, where there is Mail Cheat.}
MAIL CHEAT: Are you Reynold?
REYNOLD: Yes.
MAIL CHEAT: {monotone} Congratulations, you have won two million pizzolas, and they are pizzas.
{Then we zoom out to see a large truck full of pizzas.}
REYNOLD: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I'm allergic to pizzas!
{Then as the truck is about to dump the pizzas on Reynold, the scene is frozen. Then we zoom out to see that this was being shown from a TV monitor in the Cheat Commandos HQ classroom, where there are Gunhaver, Silent Rip.}
GUNHAVER: And so, that's why people allergic to pizzas are losers, why mail Cheats are corrupt, and why people with weird names who say combolations are not to be trusted. Any questions?
{Silent Rip raises his hand.}
SILENT RIP: May I go to the bathroom?
GUNHAVER: No.
{Then the Paper comes down, saying: Click here to email Gunhaver at gunhaver@homestarrunner.com.}
{Later, Gunhaver turns around to write some gibberish on the blackboard by the TV.}
Easter Eggs
- Click on Umdero Sadorksky to see a dork version of Senor Cardgage saying "Combolations?."
- Click on the blackboard to see a picture of great uncle Pistolman with the words: "In memoriam to great uncle Pistolman, if he did exist." Then click on the bread in the picture to see this:
- A box of Bread & Sugar with Gunhaver saying: "I just love bread & sugar, a nutritional and delicious part of a breakfast."
- Click on Silent Rip after Gunhaver turns his back on him to see this:
{Silent Rip tries sneaking away from class. Just then, Gunhaver turns around to see Silent Rip trying to sneak away.}
GUNHAVER: Aha! You were trying to sneak away from class without permission! You have detention! {pointing to elsewhere} You too!
{Then we go to who Gunhaver is pointing to, Reynold, holding a wagon full of bread.}
REYNOLD: How did you know I'm here?
{Then we go back to Gunhaver with his back turned to Silent Rip before this Easter egg started.}
Fun Facts
- COMBOLATIONS is a word said by Senor Cardgage.
- The Mail Cheat first appeared in Black Laser, where he was brutally harmed while trying to deliver a telegram to Gunhaver and a package to Reynold.
- Most of this email is based on the story of Space Tree episode #22, where Space Tree inherits two million pizzas, only to lose it to Commander due to suing. Then Commander loses the pizzas to Mee through suing, and Space Tree nearly wins the pizzas from Mee when the judge blew up. Everyone thought that the pizzas were worth money.
- WARNING: This Space Tree includes injuring of body parts and swearing.
- Pizzolas (pizzas) was a term used in the said episode.
- This email also makes fun of how people sue people for ridiculous reasons, which was what happens in the Space Tree episode (look above).
- The classroom was from Dreamail.
- Silent Rip wanting to go to the bathroom and Gunhaver not making him go was from the same episode.
- Bread and sugar was first used in an email rap in Sttstis and later in Unused emails.
