Other Character Email Gunhaver/4Media
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Summary
Gunhaver is encouraged to fight against 4Media, the ultimate company responsible for 4Wimps and 4Kids.
Cast (in order of appearance): News Reporter, Camera Cheat (whispering only), Chef, Gunhaver, Alpha Stan, Happy Cook, Smiling Cook, Reynold, Silent Rip, Bunny, JJJ, Police Cheats (Easter Egg), Fightgar (Easter Egg), Firebert (Easter Egg), Cashier (Easter Egg), Reinforcements (Easter Egg), Stage Technician (Easter Egg)
Lines: 238
Page Title: Alpha 1260
Transcript
{Cut to the burnt, smoking pile of debris from of the Persimmon Building. Next to the remains are a pile of debris, glass shards, computer parts, and wires of Beta Oyster. Words appear with typewriter sound effects.}
May 29, 2006
6:00 A.M.
Ground zero of the Persimmon Building and Beta Oyster
No, not that Ground zero... I don't mean to offend anybody...
{Suddenly, music for a news program plays. A news reported walks onscreen. A two-tier lower third appears, saying "Generic News Reporter - ButtNosewitness News". The news reporter is practicing by making large mouth motions and nodding with overexaggeration. Then he faces the camera.}
NEWS REPORTER: {in an overexaggerated tone} I am a news reporter of Channel 3.14 News. Here I am, in front of the ground zero of the Persimmon Building and Beta Oyster, and if you want to make sure you're not being offended, go to Wikipedia!
{Whispering is heard from the direction of the camera. The News Reporter nods while listening to the whispering.}
NEWS REPORTER: Apparently, the camera Cheat wants to eat pizza and milkshakes!
{Angry whispering is heard from the direction of the camera.}
NEWS REPORTER: Oh! {points to the ground zero} About a week ago, there was a big explosion that resulted in this disaster. I don't know why I'm standing here, doing the news thing if there's nothing new to say, except the fact that a virus of some sort of evil person must have caused this! And now, we interview the witnesses that we forgot to interview a week ago!
{Cut to the news reporter with a chef. A lower third appears, saying "Ex-Chef - Born Loser".}
NEWS REPORTER: So tell me, chief...
CHEF: Chef... well... ex-chef...
NEWS REPORTER: So tell me, chief, what happened on the day of the explosion?
{The news reporter holds the microphone to the chef and begins nodding randomly.}
CHEF: Well, I was walking down the street, starting achieving my dreams of becoming an actress...
NEWS REPORTER: And there you go. The chef is insane. Therefore, I'm going home!
{Whispering is heard from the direction of the camera. The news reporter nods so much, that he falls onto the ground before getting up again.}
NEWS REPORTER: Apparently, I need to sue the cement. Anyway, I'm reminded to tell you the effects of the destruction of the Beta shell thing. It destroyed all technology with Beta shell computer chips made by this crying wolf company, and since a majority of the world used this technology, {scratches head} the majority's not that happy. So I guess whoever destroyed the scallop is in big doodoo. {pause} Okay, I'm done.
{Fade to black. The following words appear with typewriter sound effects.}
Two weeks later... or maybe three...
Who cares?
Gunhaver was in a coma for that long... or maybe for just a week...
He recovered from the whole incident... and now he's back to normal...
{Cut to Gunhaver in front of the Alpha 1260.}
GUNHAVER: {singing} Slapping my emails, eating the check, strapping the high noon, and I just made no sense!
Hello Gunhaver. You are extremely lazy. You have 21 emails.
{Gunhaver presses a button to make the following email appear.}
Subject: 4wimps and 4kidsDear Gunhaver
You Seem to be having trouble with 4wimps.
Well I'm having the same problem with their Affiliate 4kids
and thier "Gentilization" of shows.
would you like to join forces with me and my little friend to take'em down?
Sincerely -Roana Zoro (not Zolo) and Monkey D Luffy.
GUNHAVER: {reading} Dear Gunhaver, you seem to be having trouble with 4Wimps without the capital "W", which is definitely correct! {monotone} Well I'm having the same problem with their {screaming} AFFILIATE!!!!!!! THIS IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE CAPITALIZED!!!!!! {normal} 4Kids, which I suspect needs capitalization. You suck! Anyway, 4Kids and their {does quotation-mark motion while screaming} GENTILIZATION!!!! {normal} of shows. {whispering} Would you like to join forces with me and my little friend and take'em down? Yes, that needed capitalization. {normal} Sincerely, Rhonda Zorro and Monkey Dunkey.
{Gunhaver clears the screen.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} Well, Rwana and Hippo, I think you have the wrong idea. It's as if you're saying 4Kids and 4Wimps do the same type of crap. What are you, nuts? Of course they do different crap! 4Wimps censor stuff like idiots while 4Kids makes kiddie shows like idiots for idiots! Here is some crap that 4Kids makes on a daily basis!
{Cut to a cooking show set.}
ANNOUNCER: {enthusiastic} Hey kids! Guess what?
KIDS: {off-screen} What?
ANNOUNCER: It's time for the Happy Cook Show!
SINGERS: {singing} This is a cook show! The Happy Cook Show! Your very own favorite cook show! So get your cook book! And have a cook look! And here come the hosts, Happy Cook and Smiling Cook!
{Two Cheats dressed up as cooks walk onscreen with smiley faces taped onto their faces.}
HAPPY COOK: Hiya kiddies!
KIDS: {off-screen} Hiya Mr. Happy!
SMILING COOK: Hiya kiddies!
KIDS: {off-screen} Hiya Mr. Smiling!
HAPPY COOK: Hiya kiddies!
KIDS: {off-screen} Hiya Mr. Happy!
SMILING COOK: Hiya kiddies!
KIDS: {off-screen} Hiya Mr. Smiling!
HAPPY COOK: Hiya kiddies!
KIDS: {off-screen} Hiya Mr. Happy!
SMILING COOK: Hiya kiddies!
KIDS: {off-screen} Hiya Mr. Smiling!
HAPPY COOK: Okay kids! Today, we're going to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich! Repeat after the Smiling Cook!
SMILING COOK: Peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
KIDS: {off-screen} Peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
SMILING COOK: Very good. Let's do it again! Peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
KIDS: {off-screen} Peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
SMILING COOK: Very good. Let's do it again! Peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
KIDS: {off-screen} Peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
{Suddenly, there's static. When the static fades, we cut to Gunhaver in front of the Alpha.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} Shudder. It goes on like that for the rest of the 15 minutes. I swear, you can't imagine the horrors of 4Wimps and 4Kids in one go!
{Cut to the following message in widescreen.}
THE FOLLOWING PREVIEW HAS NOT BEEN APPROVED FOR
EVERYBODY! EVERYBODY WHO'S A LITTLE BABY! (IN OTHER WORDS, RATED NFB)
BY THE BEST GUY EVER OF THE HOMESTAR RUNNER FANSTUFF WIKI
{Cut to a haunted mansion in a Halloween-like setting. A wolf howls off-screen while lightning strikes.}
ANNOUNCER: Coming soon to theaters...
{Cut to an exterior view of the Cheat Commandos HQ.}
ANNOUNCER: The average life of a Cheat Commando will be completely shattered...
{Cut to a lightning storm.}
ANNOUNCER: By a new horror.
{Cut to a stand-still image of Gunhaver screaming. A woman screaming is heard, followed by the sound of glass breaking.}
VOICE: {off-screen and whispering} Jeez! That was too loud!
{Cut to a stand-still image of Reynold and Silent Rip looking scared as they're looking at something.}
ANNOUNCER: All I can say is that... it's back...
{Cut to a happy bunny in front of a rainbow background.}
ANNOUNCER: ...with MORE!!!
{Suddenly, clothes are put on the bunny. The words "4WIMPED!" appear for a split second.}
{Cut to a montage with scary music playing. The montage includes: Gunhaver, Silent Rip, and Reynold running down a darkend hallway; Silent Rip pointing at a wall and making a shooting motion, making the wall glow with white light; the bunny from before holding something that's covered with shining white light; a smiling face chasing Reynold to a cliff; and JJJ. Then the title is shown.}
The Horrors of
4WIMPS and 4KIDS
Sequel to "The Horrors of 4Kids"
IN ONE GO!
{Cut to the following.}
STARRING GUNHAVER REYNOLD SILENT RIP
FOXFACE JJJ GILL BATES VIVA PINATA KAHN and THAT BUNNY
WHO CARES ABOUT THE VOICES?
WRITTEN AND PRODUCED BY
4MOVIES
Sponsored by all branching companies of 4Media.
{Cut to Gunhaver in front of the Alpha 1260. Gunhaver looks shocked.}
GUNHAVER: What the crap was that?
{Pan out to a wider view of the room. Reynold walks onscreen.}
REYNOLD: That was a 4Movies trailer.
GUNHAVER: No, I mean, what was that with 4Movies making it look like I'm shrieking like a girl??? That's completely insane!
REYNOLD: Hey, that's nothing compared to what they did to me!
GUNHAVER: What?
REYNOLD: They shot that image of me while there was a speck of dust on my new tie!
{Pause.}
GUNHAVER: Okay. This is getting stupid. But how were we able to see the trailer anyway?
{Suddenly, a paper airplane flies into Gunhaver's shades. Gunhaver gets it out, unfolds it, and reads from it. Cut to the letter.}
Dear Gunhaver,
Shut up.
Yours Truly,
4Wall
{Cut back to Gunhaver and Reynold. Gunhaver angrily crumbles the piece of paper and rips it into pieces.}
GUNHAVER: {angrily} Okay! That's it! I've had enough with this crap! I think it's time for us to put 4Media and all of its branching companies OUT OF BUSINESS!!!!
{Gunhaver angrily throws the pieces of ripped paper at Reynold.}
REYNOLD: I'm allergic to ripped paper thrown at me.
{Cut to the normal view of Gunhaver typing on the Alpha 1260.}
GUNHAVER: {typing} All right, Soshana and Tito, we're going to bring 4Media, including 4Kids and 4Wimps, DOWN! Meet me by the vacant lot by the ominous Abandoned Warehouse district! Then, we'll execute our plan!
{Gunhaver presses a button to make the text be replaced by Alpha Stan.}
ALPHA STAN: Reply sent. That is a world record. I must be dreaming.
GUNHAVER: Oh shut up, you face on a computer screen.
ALPHA STAN: You hurt my feelings.
GUNHAVER: Well, I guess I should get my raiding equipment ready.
REYNOLD: {off-screen} You sold those to Max, remember?
GUNHAVER: Shut up. Where's your imagination?
SILENT RIP: {off-screen} Gunhaver!
{Cut to a wider view of the computer room with Gunhaver, Reynold, and Silent Rip.}
SILENT RIP: We just got a TV set from 4Free!
GUNHAVER: So?
SILENT RIP: And they're showing the 4Sports 2006 World Bowl!
GUNHAVER: The 4Sports World Bowl? You mean the one with gunslingers?
SILENT RIP: Yeah!
GUNHAVER: All right! I'm SO watching the World Bowl after I force someone to steal the popcorn!
{Gunhaver and Silent Rip run off-screen, knocking Reynold down in the process.}
REYNOLD: The World Bowl is barbaric.
{Cut to Gunhaver on the Alpha 1260. The following words appear on the screen with typewriter sound effects.}
A week later...
Or at least... June 17... yeah...
GUNHAVER: Gonna go and take a trip in the emails! Then I'm going on a cranberry destruction fest!
ALPHA STAN: Hello Gunhaver. You got a new email from the person and the monkey who sent you an email a week or so ago.
GUNHAVER: Oh, that? Bring it up.
{The following email appears on the screen. Gunhaver reads it without any alterations.}
Subject: I HATE YOU!!!!you Freakin Liar,
roana And monkey
you Lied To Me! you Said That You'll Meet Me At The Vacant Lot.
you Never Came! i Wasted A Lot Of Time! monkey And i Nearly
Got Killed By 4media! i Hate You!
i Still Hate You,
GUNHAVER: {typing} Yeah? So? I don't care. I actually like what 4Media does. Sure, 4Wimps and 4Kids suck, but there's 4Movies providing excellent movies when they don't do embarassing trailers, 4Free giving away cool stuff, and 4Sports supporting gunslingers! I seriously think you need to go to capitalization school, supported by 4Grammar! 4Media is good for you!
{Alpha Stan appears on the screen.}
Click here to email Gunhaver at GEmail.exe
Easter Eggs
- Click on "Never Came!" in the email sent to Gunhaver to see this:
{Cut to Gunhaver, an exhausted Silent Rip, an exhuasted Fightgar, and an exhasted Firebert in a room in the Cheat Commandos HQ. The following words appear with typewriter sound effects.}
Two weeks ago from the end of the email...
You're getting tired of this, aren't you?
GUNHAVER: You look like you had a bad three weeks or a month. What happened?
FIGHTGAR: You sent us to look for Jimmy and save his wallet!
GUNHAVER: Oh, right! What happened?
SILENT RIP: We couldn't find Jimmy, so we found another guy named Jimmy, pushed him off a cliff, and took his wallet!
FIREBERT: {Cheatish}
SILENT RIP: Shut up, Firebert. You didn't do anything!
- Click on 4Free to see this:
{Cut to a store. Silent Rip walks to a counter with a brand new TV set. Reynold is looking around.}
SILENT RIP: How much is this?
CASHER: That's for free, like everything else in this store.
SILENT RIP: Sweet!
{Silent Rip walks off-screen.}
CASHIER: Have a nice day!
{Reynold takes a book and begins to walk out of the store when alarms blare and a metal door slides down on the exit. Reynold looks scared as the cashier angrily walks to Reynold.}
CASHIER: Hey! That's bogus, man! Shoplifting is totally against the rules!
REYNOLD: But this is free!
CASHIER: But you were shoplifting! Cops! Take him away!
{Police Cheats grab Reynold and drag him off-screen. Reynold drops the book he was holding.}
REYNOLD: {whining} But it's for free!
- Click on "cool stuff" to see this:
{Cut to Gunhaver and Reinforcements on a couch, watching TV.}
REINFORCEMENTS: You know, I was wondering, since you never told anyone, but how did you get into that coma?
GUNHAVER: Jeez, I don't remember much, but I do recall a free writing contest that was unsuccessful.
- Click on "4Media is good for you!" to see this:
{Cut to a backstage of a set. The chef from email 86 is there, dressed up as a woman. There is a stage technician.}
STAGE TECHNICIAN: For the last time, GET OUT! The children don't NEED this type of crap!
CHEF: But I'm a chef, and I always wanted to be an actress! Besides, ever heard of Doubtfire?
STAGE TECHNICIAN: THAT'S PG-13, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!
Fun Facts
- Click here to read about the term "ground zero".
- The news reporter references Wikipedia.
- The ruined Persimmon Bulding, Beta Oyster, the virus, and Gunhaver in a coma reference Ocean King.
- Click here to read about lower thirds.
- The typewriter sound effects, the news reporter, and Channel 3.14 News are from Garage Sale.
- Channel 3.14 News is a reference to pi.
- The Chef and his want to be an actress are from the email Chef.
- The information that the destruction of Beta Oyster would destroy all Beta Clam products are a reference to what Alpha Stan said in HAL 9000.
- The "crying wolf company" is a reference to the "Wolfcry" line, the Beta Oyster's and Beta Clam's software line.
- The company that made the Beta Clams and Beta Oyster is actually "Roadkill Automatrons".
- Both the company and the software line are made by Super Sam.
- The preview screen and the theatrical credits are based off of the ones from In Search of the Yello Dello Theatrical Trailer.
- The replacing a gun with pointing fingers and the shining white light reference some of the edits 4Kids uses to censor violence in television shows.
- Gill Bates is a parody of Bill Gates.
- Viva Pinata is a future television series (as well as a future XBox 360 game) that is produced by 4Kids. The making of the video game involves 4Kids (click here for more).
- Kahn is the chairman and CEO of 4Kids.
- 4Wall is a reference to the fourth wall.
- Selling the equipment to Max is a reference to fCon.
- The 4Sports 2006 World Bowl is a reference to the 2006 FIFA World Cup.
- Click here to read aout gunslingers.
- Searching for Jimmy is what the Cheat Commandos have been doing from Hot Sauce to Ocean King, where they decided to quit looking for Jimmy and decided to go to Plan B.
- The free writing contest that Gunhaver mentions references the recently contest for GEmail that was a failure because there were no contest entries by the deadline.
- The chef makes a reference to Mrs. Doubtfire, a PG-13 movie based on a book.
