Other Character Email 1-Up/goinghome2

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

1-UP EMAIL 80!

1-Up searches the Cheat Commando HQ and he finally reaches success when he finds a secret door.

Cast (in order of appereance): Blue Laser, Lenny, Barney, 1-Up, Gunhaver, Steve, Flashfight, Dark Stinkoman, Moe, Blue Laser Cyborg

Transcript

{Cuts to Blue Laser Desert HQ}

BLUE LASER: FINNALY! WE HAVE GOTTEN OUR OLD BASE BACK!

LENNY: Lower the shields.

BARNEY: What are you doing? I give the orders!

LENNY: You will address me as captain.

BLUE LASER: I'M THE CAPTION, CRAPFACE!

{Cuts to 1-Up and Gunhaver at the Alpha Stan}

1-UP: Okay... {The Stinkoman 20X6 Theme Song starts to play} To proove my bravery and my chosen power to the Cheat Commandos. I must check an email... {short pause} ...ON THE ALPHA!

GUNHAVER: {sarcastic} Dun. Dun. Duuuuuuuuuun.

{The Stinkoman 20X6 Theme Song stops

1-UP: {singing} 1-2-3-4! GET READY TO ROCK! BECAUSE I ATE A SOCK! LET'S GET READY TO ROLL! 1-UP EMAIL!

Hey 1-Up!
I have 3 questions!
1)When will you be the guy?
2)Do you watch any band cartoons, like Limozeen,
or TMBG?
3)Do you have the privlage to use the mute button?
-ImOnARampage

1-UP: {typing} I wanna be the be the deleted too!

{BRAAAAAMP!}

1-UP: Well, That was crap. Anyway, I guess we better-

GUNHAVER: Blue Laser is coming!

{Cuts to Blue Laser, standing at the front of his battleship}

BLUE LASER: WE'RE HERE! PREPARE TO MOVE ON MY COMMAND! LOWER THE SHIELDS!

{Cuts to 1-Up, Gunhaver and Steve standing there}

GUNHAVER: It's Blue Laser and they're heading right for us!

STEVE: Bad news. Ever since the last time we faced a criminal, we lost all of our weaponry. We're defenseless.

1-UP: Did you have a contingency plan for this sort of thing?

STEVE: We do. {short pause} Run!

{Long montage to everyone preparing for battle, 1-Up's gun at the ready, Blue Laser's ships moving in. 1-Up is ready to fight in a hallway. Music stops as Lenny fires a gun and destroys the gun. 1-Up is shocked}

1-UP: That's kind of unfair. Well, there's no stopping them now.

STEVE: We're going to die! Or worse!

{A shield appears in front of the only exit to the Cheat Commandos HQ and everyone is prisoned in the building}

BLUE LASER: My plan is ninety-eight point three percent complete. There have been no flaws.

BARNEY: Seriously?

BLUE LASER: Yeah. Even you haven’t screwed anything up.

{Blue Laser moves over to the control panel}

BLUE LASER: If you look at this screen you’ll see the ancient underground temple buried underneath the sands.

BARNEY: So what exactly is my money funding?

BLUE LASER: In the secret caves of the underground temple lies a sacred material so powerful that one droplet can rip a star system in half. My men will extract this material and power a weapon so deadly that even Gunhaver can't stop me.

{Cuts back to the inside of the Cheat Commandos HQ}

GUNHAVER: Quit wasting time!

{1-Up looks around the corner}

1-UP: Well, that’s one hurtle out of the way. But how are I going to get out of this time?

STEVE: You’re going to have to jack a ride on Blue Laser’s Battleship and put a stop to his insidious plans with all the bravado of a childish mob of kindergartners.

1-UP: I never would have connected the words insidious and kindergartners.

STEVE: That’s the bone-pealingly difference between you and me.

1-UP: You used an adverb incorrectly.

{Cuts to 1-Up, with his torso contorted, looks around the corner showing a line of cheat commandos going somewhere}

1-UP: Where are those guys going? …unsupervised by security guards?

STEVE: I don't know. I've never been there before.

{They walk in and they are in some kind of temple}

FLASHFIGHT: You must protect the Time Paradox Orb. It is far more dangerous then Blue Laser thinks.

STEVE: I've heard about this. Blue Laser must not succeed. Blue Laser was inspired to get the time paradox because of Dark Stinkoman and so, if he succeeds, Stinkoman would have never been created because Blue Laser would've killed Strong Bad. Thus, That would mean you wouldn't be on these adventures and it would cause a time paradox. In these events, the space time continuem will be destroyed.

1-UP: Is there any way to stop it?

GUNHAVER: Yes. Make sure that Blue Laser doesn't succeed.

{Queue to a dramatic sequence with 1-Up approaching the underside of Blue Laser’s Battleship. Dark Stinkoman is sitting upon a sing-like platform that is being lowered to the bottom. Dark Stinkoman and 1-Up face off then begin the epic fight}

DARK STINKOMAN: DARK DEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE!

{Dark Stinkoman charges up a black Double Deuce attack. He shoots it. But, 1-Up dodges and spin-kicks Dark Stinkoman}

1-UP: What's the deal, Stinkoman?

DARK STINKOMAN: Step off, 1-Up. It's nothing personal. Well actually, it is, because I hate you.

{Dark Stinkoman charges in and tries to punch 1-Up a few times, but he dodges Dark Stinkoman's blows and try a couple of his own which also miss. Dark Stinkoman's left leg then extends as he goes back a bit and tries to punch 1-Up. 1-Up blocks the hit from Dark Stinkoman with his spin-kick and then throws his new gun past Dark Stinkoman to distract him. 1-Up then uppercuts Dark Stinkoman, Dark Stinkoman does the same to 1-Up. Both characters jump backwards}

DARK STINKOMAN: You've improved since the last time.

1-UP: Shut up. {1-Up takes out Marzichan's Wand and charges it up} DOUBLE DEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE!

{The blast hits Dark Stinkoman. Dark Stinkoman falls to the ground}

1-UP: You've been deleted...

{1-Up walks passed Dark Stinkoman's dead robot body. Cuts to a portal. Gunhaver, Steve and Reynold are standing there}

1-UP: Guys... I got to go...

GUNHAVER: But, You have to help me stop Blue Laser.

1-UP: Look. I had a hard enough time, fighting Stinkoman.

GUNHAVER: You started this mess and you are the one that is going to help me clean it up. Do you want your home destroyed?

1-UP: {short pause} Fine...

STEVE: Okay. But, You only have 20 minutes.

1-UP: What do you mean?

REYNOLD: Well, Me and Steve calculated the portal carefully with our super computers. It will close in 20 minutes.

1-UP: Crap!

GUNHAVER: We better hurry then. We must make sure that Blue Laser doesn't win.

1-UP: I want pudding!

{They all walk off. Cuts to Blue Laser HQ. Gunhaver, Steve, Reynold and 1-Up walk in}

1-UP: So, Where is Blue Laser?

{Blue Laser jumps in with a machine gun}

BLUE LASER: RIGHT HERE! NOBODY MOVE!

STEVE: {moves arm} Oops. I moved.

{Blue Laser shoots 50 bullets at Steve and it blows Steve offscreen. 1-Up and Reynold gasp}

GUNHAVER: How did you get this weapon? And how are you alive?

BLUE LASER: SHUT UP!

{Blue Laser shoots Gunhaver. Gunhaver dodges by jumping onto the wall}

GUNHAVER: 1-Up! Now!

{1-Up gets out his slingshot and shoots a rock using the slingshot}

BLUE LASER: {The rock hits Blue Laser. But, It does nothing} ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! A STUPID PEBBLE?!

1-UP: Well, At least I tried.

BLUE LASER: You'll never win! {Blue Laser uses his machine gun to shoot 1-Up}

{1-Up dodges the bullets and spin-kicks Blue Laser}

BLUE LASER: {falls down} ARG! I JUST HATE YOU SO MUCH!

GUNHAVER: Don't you ever learn, Blue Laser? Crime doesn't pay.

BLUE LASER: YES, IT DOES! IT PAYS ME $5000 PER YEAR!

{Short pause}

1-UP: {coughs}

{Short pause}

GUNHAVER: Anyway...

{Blue Laser presses a button and he's uniform becomes a giant cyborg suit}

BLUE LASER: YOU'LL NEVER WIN NOW!

{Moe walks in}

MOE: The burgers are done, sir.

BLUE LASER: FAN FREAKING TASTIC!

1-UP: We only have 10 minutes before the portal closes! We better hurry up!

{Blue Laser's Big Cyborg kicks Reynold away and it picks up 1-Up}

GUNHAVER: 1-Up!

1-UP: Oh no.

BLUE LASER: BWAHAHAHA!

{The Blue Laser Cyborg's Hand turns into a gun and it charges up. Blue Laser aims the attack at 1-Up who is in The Blue Laser Cyborg's other hand}

GUNHAVER: Oh No! OH NO! {short pause} Oh... Pokemon is on in 5 minutes... Steve normally goes mad when he doesn't see Pokemon... {leaves}

1-UP: ARG! Fine. If Gunhaver won't help, I better stop him myself.

{1-Up points Marzichan's Wand at The Blue Laser Cyborg's gun hand}

1-UP: PUDDING DEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE! {The wand charges up and hits the gun hand}

BLUE LASER: Oh no!

{The cyborg explodes and 1-Up is blown away. Cuts to the Cheat Commandos HQ where Steve and Gunhaver are sitting on the couch. 1-Up crashes through the wall in two peices. He is cut in half and both parts of his body is laying on the ground}

GUNHAVER AND STEVE: 1-UP!

{They both run over to 1-Up}

STEVE: He's been ripped to shreds. We won't be able to heal him.

GUNHAVER: There is only one way to heal him...

STEVE: {gasps} But, We can't use that. It could destroy the space time continuem. Remember the time when your future self came to the present and said that you have to use the healing crystal on Foxface in the future.

GUNHAVER: It might destroy the space time continuem... But, It's the only way...

STEVE: {sighs} I'll stay here. You can go get the crystal.

{Gunhaver walks offscreen}

STEVE: {begins to cry}

{Gunhaver walks back onscreen with some type of glowing crystal}

GUNHAVER: Here it goes...

STEVE: {still crying} You must remember... the crystal won't work if he has been dead for too long.

{Gunhaver slowly puts the crystal next to 1-Up. The crystal stops glowing and 1-Up starts to glow}

GUNHAVER: ...

STEVE: ...

{1-Up stops glowing. Nothing happens}

STEVE: It diddn't work...

GUNHAVER: And the portal is going to close in 5 more minutes...

STEVE: Who cares about the portal or the space time continuem? All I care about... is that our dear friend is gone...

{The room darkens and white words sayng "To Be Continued appear at the top of the screen}

TO BE CONTINUED...

{The credits roll with a sad version of the Stinkoman 20X6 Theme Song}

Fun Facts

I know that you might think that this is a reference to the Tampo Email called "Apocalypse." But, Beleive me. This has nothing to do with that. I had this idea planned before that email was even realesed.
This has been one of the longest and saddest 1-Up Emails.
I origginaly planned this email to be the end of the crossover. But, This storyline sort of started.

Other Character Email 1-Up/goinghome2

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