Other Character Email 1-Up/thesquidwar
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
1-UP EMAIL 106!
The great war between squids and humans have begun. Also, Homestar Runner has just created 1-Up in the past.
Cast (in order of appereance): 1-Up, Mutant Squids, Homestar Runner, Strong bad, Past 1-Up
Transcript
{Cuts to two Mutant Squids carrying 1-Up to the depths of a volcano}
1-UP: This place looks familar. It looks almost like the lava zone.
MUTANT SQUID #1: Well, it will be the lava zone after we've inserted some caves and mutations of burning rock, so- Hey, wait. How did you know about our plan to make lava snake mutations?
1-UP: I diddn't. You see, where I come from, there is a lot of pudding. {excited} Oh, oh. There is also a lava zone where there are billions and billions of trillions of- um, I forgot. Yay for pudding!
MUTANT SQUID #2: A guy that thinks that he can travel from the future to the present must be crazy.
MUTANT SQUID #1: Hold on. Before we take him to the leader. Let's check his email inbox.
{The two mutant squids throw 1-Up in a bag and go over to a computer covered in rock}
MUTANT SQUID #1: SaargtScreen 2005, activate!
1-UP: SaargtScreen?
MUTANT SQUID #2: Yes. We are going to use it to make sure that our lava snake experiment succeeds. This computer is also named after our experiment, Saargtron.
1-UP: Why don't you call him "Saargtsson?"
MUTANT SQUID #1: Shut up, in there!
MUTANT SQUID #2: But, why don't we call him "Saargtsson?"
MUTANT SQUID #1: Good idea. Now we must type in DOS form.
{Mutant Squid #2 types "inbox_hacker.exe" and the following email appears on the computer's screen}
Dear 1-Up,
Parody as many movies as you can in one email. If you do so, you'll win a SECRET PRIZE! It's not death.
I see in your eyes, the fear that will take the heart of me, Aragon
{1-Up jumps out of the bag and reads the email}
MUTANT SQUID #1: {gasps} He's escaping!
1-UP: No. I'm not. I'm just standing right here.
MUTANT SQUID #2: Oh. Well, this email says that we should parody some movies.
1-UP: Okay. Time for a parody.
MUTANT SQUID #1: You're only parodying one stinkin' movie?
1-UP: I don't care what the email said. I'm only parodying one movie. Just one.
MUTANT SQUID #1: Whatever. Time to cause some chaos.
{Cuts to 1-Up standing in front of a large field with two giant tripods with three legs. The mutant squids seem to be controlling the tripods though}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {narrating, offscreen} Introducing, "War of the Squids." A parody of "War of the Worlds." Action jackson.
1-UP: Just say action, dad.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {offscreen} What the cwap? I'm not your dad.
1-UP: Oh, right. You're my creator, but technically you haven't created me yet because-
{A tripod zaps 1-Up with their lasers and 1-Up blows to peices. The tripod advances on Homestar Runner}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, cwap.
{The tripods make Homestar Runner explode with their lasers}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: WAH!
MUTANT SQUID #2: Well, that was pretty easy. Now we shall take 1-Up to the king.
MUTANT SQUID #1: But, how? We killed him.
{Short pause}
MUTANT SQUID #2: Er, crap.
{Homestar Runner and 1-Up walk onscreen}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Okay. That was a good one. Let's take a lunch break and then we'll do the next scene to the movie.
MUTANT SQUID #1: What? But, I killed you both!
1-UP: No. You killed the actors that were playing us. Oh, crap. Now we have no actors left. You destroyed them- WAH!
{The Mutant Squids move their tripods towards 1-Up and Homestar Runner. The tripods start zapping at 1-Up and 1-Up keeps dodging}
1-UP: We need to stop the squids.
{Homestar Runner runs off}
1-UP: Okay. I have to stop the squids.
{An army of tripods surround 1-Up}
1-UP: Can't I just have one email where I'm not surrounded by zombies, robots, monsters, mutants, puddings or- Wait! That's it!
{1-Up gets out a pudding and throws it at a tripod. The tripod explodes and a few mutant squids fall out of them}
1-UP: {excited} Yeah! Puddings rock!
{1-Up walks over the tripod the fell down and starts to run for his life down the field and into Homestar Runner's house}
STRONG BAD'S VOICE: Yes, yes. The whole mutant squid incident is all my fault. At least nothing can go wrong with Stinkoman.
HOMESTAR RUNNER'S VOICE: It isn't your fault. In fact, I met a new fwiend called 1-Up thanks to the mutant squid incident. My new fwiend has inspired me to make a wobot of my own.
[The following section of the transcript has been removed due to legal reasons.]
{1-Up walks into the room just as Homestar Runner runs out of the room}
PAST 1-UP: I want pudding!
1-UP: Aw, I look so cute when I'm-
{Past 1-Up kicks 1-Up}
PAST 1-UP: I'll kill you if you don't give me pudding!
1-UP: Oh no.
{Past 1-Up jumps out of the window and runs into the forest}
1-UP: Uh oh. What do I do? Maybe, I could get Strong bad and Homestar Runner to beleive that I am 1-Up from this time. At least until I figure out what my past self is planning.
{1-Up stands there as if he has just been activated like Past 1-Up. Cut to Homestar Runner and Strong Bad talking in the forest}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Uh oh. I just noticed a glitch in my wobot.
STRONG BAD: What is it, man?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: If 1-Up sees someone else that looks exactly like him, he'll malfunction and go against all humanity.
STRONG BAD: We can fix the glitch later. It's not like his future self-
{Past 1-Up jumps in front of them and turns his hand into a knife}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Why did I give him that thing?
STRONG BAD: Because 1-Up was meant to be created to destroy the mutant squid problem.
{1-Up walks up to them and stands next to Past 1-Up}
1-UP: Is that the only reason you created me? {tears roll from his eyes as he starts to cry} My whole life is a lie.
STRONG BAD: I think we found why 1-Up has been acting up.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Which one? The future one or the one I just created?
PAST 1-UP: I've succeeded in killing all the squids and have sent what is left of them to the ocean. Now I am going to destroy everyone else on the planet.
{Past 1-Up stabs Strong Bad in the back and grabs Homestar Runner. Before 1-Up can say anything, his past self grabs Homestar Runner and runs off}
1-UP: I hope this doesn't effect 20X6 too much.
{Fade to black. The words "To Be Continued..." appear once again in white writing}
TO BE CONTINUED...
