Other Character Email 1-Up/1000jaros
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
1-UP EMAIL 128!
In this new email, 1-Up decides that he will fight Stinkoman and Pan Pan out of curiosity of how powerful you are.
Cast (in appereance of order): Alpha, Master X, 1-Up, Stinkoman, Jaro #1, Jaro #2, Other Jaros, Bandit Keith (Easter Egg)
Contents |
Transcript
{Cut to open daylight, of Alpha and Master X standing over a cliff. Both of them are wearing brown cloaks, which wave in the wind.}
ALPHA: When do you think you'll become the guy, sir?
MASTER X: As soon as the future takes it's correct path. But, how about we draw our attention away from Stinkoman for a minute?
ALPHA: Umm, I don't understand.
MASTER X: 1-Up is appareantly trying to stop us. Stinkoman is only hungry for challenges, so fighting him would be useless. He doesn't care much for his title. However, 1_up wants nothing more then an adventure as long as he gets pudding out of it.
{Alpha looks at Master X, and takes off his hood, revealing a future version of 1-Up with no hat, and half his face skin is ripped off, so you can see a mechanical red eye.}
ALPHA: Don't you worry. I might be able to lure 1-Up in.
MASTER X: Remember what we risk here. Keep your cloak on while 1-Up is around, you don't want him to meet his reprogrammed, much more advanced self from an alternate future.
ALPHA: I don't care! I murdered the other members of the Debug Force! All I care about now is the annihalation of everyone except me.
MASTER X: ...and me too? Right?
{Alpha gives a short pause and chuckles.}
ALPHA: No. Just me.
{Alpha, gets out one of his robotic arms and shoots Master X, making him fall off the cliff.}
MASTER X: {falling} CRAP!
ALPHA: Goodbye, master.
{It cuts to 1-Up returning to Stinkoman HQ, and walking in, whistling some tune from a classic video game.}
1-UP: Well, it's been a while since my last email. I might have to check- What the?
{1-Up looks around to find his computer is gone, and appareantly the headquarters are half blown up. Appareantly, he forgot what he did before he went to Planet X and the apocalyptic universe.}
1-UP: Aw, great. Another computer's gone. What am I suppose to do? Buy another? I'll probably lose that one too.
{One screen wipe later, 1-Up can be seen with a new labelled the AMV 'X6.}
1-UP: Well, there we go. We now have a completely new computer, which still appareantluy runs on the original MS-DOS system, which is stupid.
{He walks over to the computer and sits on the stool, typing in his email address.}
1-UP: {singing} Alas poor email, I knew him, in America.
{Yet another 1-Up email pops up on the new computer screen and it emits a new, fresh white glow on the words.}
Dear 1-Up,
I want you to fight Stinkoman, Pan-Pan and 1000 Jaros at the same time.
If you don't, I will make your body explode.
For real,
Neo jimmy6
Attachment...
1-UP: Woah, interesting. The glowy effect somehow reminds me of pudding!
{1-Up reads the entire email and pronounces "Neo jimmy6" as "Neo Jimmy-wimmy sixy", then he says "Attachment, dot, dot, dot".}
1-UP: Oh, an attachment. {looks around} Where's the mouse? Doesn't modern-day computers have a pudding-shaped mouse?
{He gives a short pause, and then he shrugs his shoulders.}
1-UP: Meh, whatever. {typing} Well, Mr. Six, why are you afraid of Mr. Seven? Because Mr. Seven, eight, nine!
{The camera zooms out as 1-Up laughs hysterically, with his mouth, opened wide. He falls to the floor and starts rolling around, laughing.}
1-UP: Oh, man! That was so funny!
{Stinkoman walks in with a briefcase, and looks at 1-Up.}
STINKOMAN: {waves arms, dropping briefcase} Hey! Whaaaaaaaat are you doing?
1-UP: {laughing} I'm laughing, because I made a funny.
{Stinkoman sighs and walks off, as the briefcase continues laying on the floor. 1-Up gets back up and looks at the email again. He presses "enter", in order to start a new paragraph.}
1-UP: Ahem, anyway, err, fight Stinkoman and Pan Pan? I can't do that, unless there's something in it for me. However, this email couldn't have come at a greater time, because it is the Jaro breeding season and appareantly Jaros are making more Jaros. I guess that's the way it works.
{Cut to 1-Up standing outsidde the half-blown Stinkoman HQ looking out, and noticing a bunch of Jaros coming over the hill-sides.}
1-UP: Woah, deja vu.
{The crowd of Jaros bounce over to 1-Up, and attempt to jump on him like in a football game, all together at once. 1-Up, however, is able to spin-kick them all out of the way.}
1-UP: What are you guys doing?
{Two of the Jaros who were kicked down, get back up.}
JARO #1: My apologies. For I was sent here by the one who must not be named, sent us to kill you.
1-UP: How many of you guys are there?
JARO #1: Umm, we lost count after number thirty-six was activated.
1-UP: Well, that's just great. How am I supposed to know if there is a thousand or not? The email requested that I fight a thousand! No more and no less!
JARO #2: Sucks to be you, eh?
JARO #1: Oh, shut up, number two.
JARO #2: Yes, sir.
1-UP: Wait a minute. I'm a robot. I can just scan any area radius and find out how many Jaros there are.
JARO #1: That'd be pointless, because you are an old model, to calculate how many of us there are will take hours for you.
1-UP: Oh, okay. Nevermind then. I'll just fight you guys anyway. Fisrt, let me ask, who sent you?
JARO #1: Invalid question. I was programmed not to give away the identity of the Jaro team's many creators. We are the latest in robot technology.
1-UP: {sarcastically} Oh, sure. A robot, that's specialty is jumping, is going to kill the one known as the chosen one according to the ancient people of the 2000's.
JARO #2: Can you be sure that the people of that time were correct? What if the wand given, to Marzichan, was intended to go to Master X.
1-UP: Come to think of it, all these weird adventures about being the chosen one and stuff began after I went on an investigation for the existance of the wand in the first place. I just wish I could have a normal email show, with no adventures or huge questionable plot holes.
{Jaro #1 and Jaro #2 both jump slightly closer to 1-Up, implying they are ready to attack at any momment soon.}
1-UP: Woah, you guys look like you are going to pounce at me like some kind of cat.
JARO #1: That's the best thing about this fight.
JARO #2: The beggining of the attack!
{Both Jaros, both jump up on 1-Up, followed by another five and then more and more. This forms a tiny "doggie-pile" on 1-Up. You can no longer see 1-Up due to all the Jaros covering him.}
1-UP: {muffled voice} Argh! The pain!
{1-Up began shouting and screaming, as the Jaros began to shake. Appareantly 1-Up was kicking them from under them and this caused them all to fall off of him.}
1-UP: Nobody messes with me!
{The camera zooms in on Jaro #2 who is slightly damaged on the ground, as electricity sparks fly from his eyes and his cracked head-plate.}
JARO #2: Okay, fine. I'll tell you who created us! It was none other, then the one you call 'Alpha'.
1-UP: Thanks for telling me. Remind me to give you some of my pudding next time I see you.
JARO #2: Yes, sir. But I don't have taste receptors, so pudding would be useless, also I doubt we'll meet again, seeing as I am a simple Jaro, who will be turned to scrap metal if I can't squish someone. But, I'm too small.
1-UP: I'm sure we'll meet again. You'll see.
JARO #2: No, I'm more then certain we won't.
{The camera zooms out again to view every single Jaro, dead, except for Jaro #1 and Jaro #2 who are only laying down, slightly damaged.}
1-UP: Well, I've killed you all? Does that mean the email has ended?
JARO #1: Not quite. You must find Alpha. He is creating more Jaros, and after he knows you've damaged his work, he'll send his new and improved Jaros after you.
1-UP: Hmm, okay. But, let me tell you, there is no Jaro like my old friend, Ben. He was a cool Jaro.
JARO #2: Whatever. Just go! We've finished our job! We have distracted you!
1-UP: What? What are you distracting me from?
JARO #1: Alpha is, at the momment, killing civillians of Planet K.
{Jaro #1 and Jaro #2 both deactivate, as implied by both their flashing red eyes dissapearing.}
1-UP: Crap. I got no pudding out of this, and a few people have died. {short pause} That's what I call a succesful mission!
{1-Up smiles, as he runs off into the distance. Cut to him arriving near a bunch of Jaros, all being lead by Alpha who is laughing maniacly. Alpha has his hood up, so 1-Up is unable to tell whether or not it's his alternate, alternate future self.}
1-UP: Alpha, please stop this so I can go to the store and buy some exploding trousers!
ALPHA: What? What are you talking about?
1-UP: Mmmm, bubble!
ALPHA: Whatever. I don't care what you say! You won't distract me from becoming the guy too!
1-UP: Will you shut up about that? Being the guy?! That's all you ever talk about! You're so annoying!
{When 1-Up says the word "annoying" it echoes into his brain as the screen flashes white and it cuts to flashback of 1-Up and Stinkoman when they first met.}
1-UP: {sparkly eyes} Wow. Everybody says your the guy! I want to be the guy too!
STINKOMAN: No way! You are just a kid! Maybe when you're older!
{Cut to another flashback after a flashy, white screen-wipe. This flashback shows 1-Up standing in front of Tampo and Stlunko after Stinkoman had saved him.}
STINKOMAN: Kidstar!
1-UP: That's my name! It has to be! And I want to be the guy too!
STINKOMAN: Well you can't! Jeez, 1-Up!
{After yet another screen-wipe, it shows Stinkoman sitting in a classroom at the local Challenge City school, and 1-Up enters and sits next to him.}
1-UP: {whispers} Hey, Stinkoman. Can I be the guy too yet?
STINKOMAN: {shouting, waving arms} Jeez! Will you shut up about that? Being the guy?! That's all you ever talk about! You're so annoying!
{The same word echoes in 1-Up's head as the camera zooms out from his eye, showing he has a shocked face.}
1-UP: Woah... I feel all weird. I get how Stinkoman feels now, from now on I'm going to be nice and not talk about being the guy.
ALPHA: Shut up and fight me, 1-Up! Show me what you got!
1-UP: {in fighting pose} Oh, I will indeed.
{1-Up jumps on to Alpha and chokes him with his arms and then elbowed Alpha in the back. Alpha then spin-kicks 1-Up in the air, and then lands on the ground in a parfect twirl and a tiny skid along the ground. 1-Up falls to the ground in everlasting pain.}
1-UP: Oh my god, it hurts!
ALPHA: I hope you never turn into me!
1-UP: {still in pain} Huh?
ALPHA: You poor useless, pudding lover. I'm a future version of you, after you effect time and create two alternate apocalypses, then you go to non-alternate 40X6 as this new advanced robot where you meet Master X!
1-UP: But, what abou-
ALPHA: Shut up! Then, you meet up with the others, form a tiny group and rule under your past self from a non-alternate universe who is also the king! It is because of you, that this hell has risen from below the surface! But, it's also because of your stupidity!
1-UP: What- what are- what are you talking about? {getting up slowly, despite having no hands to do so} I'd never be as stupid as you. People think I'm stupid, but I prooved them!
ALPHA: {laughs} Listen, I'm not going to kill you. In fact, I love this place, but after Master X's reprogramming, I sort of... of... of...
{Alpha gets stuck in a loop as Stinkoman runs up behind Alpha, and throws a harpoon at his back. Blood is spraying everywhere, and so are different types of fluids and oil within Alpha's robotic indoskeleton. The camera zooms out to view Stinkoman standing in a victory pose, in front of millions of smashed Jaros.}
1-UP: Stinkoman? You- you- you idiot! You destroy the- the- the friend of- of- Gah!
STINKOMAN: Whaaaaaat are you talking about?! Your speaking some form of gibberish! It's almost as if you're systems have been glitched uuuuuup!
{The camera moves slightly to view a slightly activated, but mostly deactivated, Alpha trying to escape. He limps as he walks, to imply he is badly injured, and in need of repairing.}
ALPHA: {powering down noise} Ooooof...
{Alpha falls to the ground, and 1-Up and Stinkoman run over to him, in dispair.}
1-UP: Stinkoman! Do you not see who this is?!
STINKOMAN: A challeeeeenge?!
1-UP: No, fool! It's me!
{1-Up picks up Alpha, revealing to Stinkoman that Alpha is indeed, some form of future 1-Up.}
1-UP: I know after Tampo's reign of leadership, I will also get my turn at being leader of all, due to my advantage over others with time travel.
STINKOMAN: Heh, 1-Up. Your such a crybaaaaby! Why don't you forget about the future, take a break off your emails and just go off to some normal challenges with your paaaaaal!
1-UP: Who?
STINKOMAN: Meeee, doofuuuus!
1-UP: STOP TALKING LIKE THAT!
STINKOMAN: Like what? I soooooo don't understand what you're talking about!
1-UP: Whatever, just help me pick Alpha up, so we can repair him.
{Cut to 1-Up back on his AMV 'X6 text-based computer, typing something.}
1-UP: {typing} Well, unfortunately I fought a bunch of Jaros and came out, nor the winner or loser. I cannot tell whether or not I fought exactly a thousand, but it doesn't matter anyway. Cause' we can all solve our problems with a good bowel of chocolate pudding.
{The camera zooms out to view the reamins of the Stinkoman HQ with a half-blown up desk and 1-Up's computer on it with a slightly burnt stool. 1-Up gets off the stool and looks around.}
1-UP: Man, this place really needs a makeover. {short pause} Or maybe I just need a new place to live!
{A screen wipe later, 1-Up can be seen at a place called 'Jaro Apartments'.}
1-UP: I'll live here from now on! I just got to give them the last of my money, so that I have none left to pay my taxes! It's the smartest thing I've ever done!
{The holographic paper comes down.}
Easter Eggs
- If you click on 1-Up's baseball cap, you will get a scene with Bandit Keith in it.
{Cut to Bandit Keith, from Yu-Gi-Oh!, in a cave.}
BANDIT KEITH: I can't believe I was referenced in a 1-Up email... in America!
Fun Facts
Explanations
- For those of you that don't get it, Alpha murdered the other four of the members in his group.
- It is also revealed in this email, that Master X is Stinkoman's prototype, and Alpha is 1-Up from an alternate future, with robotic arms installed.
- I had this planned all along, so don't think I just made it up now.
- The same friendship between Stinkoman and 1-Up will be exactly the same with Master X and Alpha. Master X is the leader, and Alpha is the kid/student.
Trivia
- Bandit Keith's quote "...in America!" in the email rap, and the easter egg are a reference to "Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series".
- The "deja vu" that 1-Up refers to is at the end of 1-Up email 100, there were a bunch of Unguraits coming over the hills.
- There are a total of 745,785,743 Jaros, referencing the 24th 1-Up email where there are also 745,785,743 Jaros (and other kinds of robots). The main two however are the talkative ones, similar to Ken and Ben from the email.
| 1-Up Emails |
|---|
| New Emails | Old Emails |
Story-Time | A Thousand Jaros | Mafia | Real World | Election | Master Hand | Infection | Shoe | Ultimatium | The End | Rya 3 | Rya 2 | Rya | Treasure | Root Bear | Dan | Chibilichi Commandos 7 | Chibilichi Commandos 6 | Danger | Future | Spoon | Chocolate | Decemberween | The Squid War | Squids | King of Town | Jealousy | Dimensional | Dark Gaurdian Email | Project Ken | Sick | Digital Infection | Special Gift | Threemail | Butt Pudding | Body | Project Ben 2.5 | Top Secret | Pudding Armor | Life 2 | Deal | Piano | Lava | Going Home 3 | Extraman | Going Home 2 | Space | Revenge | Brody | Gruzzles | The Lost Email | Fire | Life | 30X2 | Off the Moon | Spam | Parents 2 | Chibilichi Commandos 2 | Funny | Sticklyman | Plot Hole | Eat | Parents | New | Separation | Boxing Gloves 2 | Clone | Carmen San Deigo | Tampo 2 | Switched Minds | Vampire | Tampo | Chibilichi Commandos | Spin Kick | Challenge |
