Other Character Email The Unguraits/Citadel
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
Bat builds a citadel, but it goes wrong. VERY wrong. Homeskull hooks Ometar up with a girlfriend.
Cast (In order of appearance): Contestro Sevornkey, The Unguraits, Nen Yim, Kyle, Jan, Strong Bad, Strong Mad, The Cheat, Death Seed Virus, Bat in a Bucket, Ometar, Homeskull Whiner, Marzipan, Homestar, Veranda
Transcript
{Fade into Contestro, break dancing. The others are watching.}
UNGURAIT #1: Contestro, you're not possessed.
CONTESTRO: Sure I am! Have I ever done moves like this before?
UNGURAIT #1: Yes, a million times over. Now stop before we make you stop.
CONTESTRO: How ya gonna stop me? Huh? How?
UNGURAIT #1: {Gets the bat and starts beating Contestro with it. Cut to him, KO'd.} Like that.
NEN YIM: I'm not carrying him.
UNGURAIT #1: Then do we leave him here?
NEN YIM: {happily} Yes!
UNGURAIT #1: No. The show needs comic relief. He's it.
NEN YIM: He's a moron.
UNGURAIT #1: That's what makes him funny.
KYLE: We need a really big guy to carry him. But who? {Strong Bad, Strong Mad, and The Cheat come in.}
STRONG BAD: Hey guys. What's up?
UNGURAIT #1: Strong Bad? Strong Mad? The Cheat? What are you guys doing here?
STRONG BAD: I dunno. Some black guy with a mohawk came to my house looking for you guys and next thing I know, I'm here! What are you guys doing here?
UNGURAIT #1: Same thing. Hey, do you think Strong Mad can carry him {points to Contestro} until he gets up?
STRONG BAD: Okay... Graw Mad?
STRONG MAD: OKAY! {picks up Contestro}
THE CHEAT: {squeaks, subtitles shown at the bottom} "Where are we going?"
UNGURAIT #1: We're going to the Alliance of Dismally's lair to get back to the real world.
STRONG BAD: That's great! I need to get home. I seriously need to check some email and torture Sir Dump-A-Lot.
UNGURAIT #1: Good, but first, we need to check email. Nen Yim? {she prints out the following email:}
Clever Mr. Ungurait... Cleverly done, Mr. Ungurait but you're not supposed to be here. As a matter of fact, you're not. I want to give you an offer you won't regret. DESTROY THE CITADEL, the tall black building in the city that is crippling the city slowly. I have a note: You and your friends discover they've somehow escaped both the reactor explosion and my own malevolent grasp. Before you can ponder their miraculous survival, the crippled Citadel lurches back to life just long enough to initiate a self-destruct sequence. With your friends at your side, you must flee a city in chaos before the Citadel's final detonation turns the country into a toxic, mutant-infested crater. I have also sent this to your "friend", 1-Up, but "altered". Until we meet again, Lord ApocalypX the 1st of the Citadel
UNGURAIT #1: {"typing"} "Citadel"? What citadel?
{Cut to a citadel labeled "DSV's Citadel". Death Seed Virus and Bat in a Bucket are standing in front of it.}
DEATH SEED VIRUS: So, you're sure that this'll keep out the Unguraits and stop them from getting anywhere near the base?
BAT IN A BUCKET: Positive. Once I mash go on this {holds up a red button} button, all the weapons in this citadel will activate, attacking anything in it. {DSV glares at him} Except you, boss. Now let's turn this bad boy on! {mashes go. Nothing happens.}
DEATH SEED VIRUS: Nothing's happening.
BAT IN A BUCKET: That's because nothing's in it. It's definitely on.
DEATH SEED VIRUS: Oh. Let's go back to the base then. {They go in it. An alarm blares.} What's happening?
BAT IN A BUCKET: I don't know!
{Cut to the Alliance of Dismally's Base. Fade into Ometar's room. He is stabbing a little bloody toy. Someone knocks on the door.}
OMETAR: What? {Homeskull comes in}
HOMESKULL: Dude, I totally got you a girlfriend!
OMETAR: I told you, I don't need a girlfriend!
HOMESKULL: Yes you do. I've observed you for several days, and have concluded that you seriously need a life.
OMETAR: I'm a ghost! How can I get ANY life at all? Besides, I vowed never to get a girlfriend ever again for you see, I once had one... {Fade into Marzipan's house. She and Ometar are sitting on the couch.} Marzipan was my girlfriend until... {the phone rings. Marzipan gets up to answer it. She comes back.}
MARZIPAN: It's for you.
PAST OMETAR: Okay! {gets up. Cut to the phone. Ometar answers it.}
STRONG BAD: {immitating Homestar on the phone} Hello Ometaw!
PAST OMETAR: Hello Homestar! How do you do?
STRONG BAD: I'm just calling you fwom my cell phone to tell you that I'm gonna steal Mawzipan fwom you!
PAST OMETAR: {gasps} You wouldn't!
STRONG BAD: I alweady did! Hang up and you'll see me on the couch with youw "giwlfwiend".
PAST OMETAR: No! {hangs up phone and rushes to the couch to see Homestar and Marzipan on the couch.} NOOOOO!!! {runs away}
HOMESTAR: What's his pwoblem?
MARZIPAN: I don't know. I sure hope he didn't think you and I were dating.
HOMESTAR: Got that wight, bubble butt!
{Cut to Ometar's house. He is holding a knife to his chest.}
PAST OMETAR: I will get my revenge Homestar! {stabs himself} You... will... pay... {dies}
{Fade back into Ometar's room}
OMETAR: And that's why I'll never EVER get another girlfriend.
HOMESKULL: Oh... You do know that that was Strong Bad on the phone, immitating Homestar, right?
OMETAR: WHAT?!?
HOMESKULL: Yeah, he said that he made Homestar get on the couch with her and prank called you to make you think that they were together. But they are together now.
OMETAR: I WILL KILL HIM!!! {teleports out. Veranda comes in.}
VERANDA: So where's this boyfriend?
HOMESKULL: Uh, he left.
{Cut back to the Citadel. Lasers are shooting everywhere mostly toward DSV.}
DEATH SEED VIRUS: I thought you said it wouldn't attack me! And why aren't they attacking you?
BAT IN A BUCKET: It likes me?
{Cut to the outside of the Citadel. The Unguraits and the others approach it.}
JAN: Do you think this is the citadel that was mentioned in the email?
UNGURAIT #1: Probably, but from the sound of those lasers, we don't wanna go in there. We need to find the power source.
THE CHEAT: {sqeaks and points to a little square cover.} "Maybe this is it?"
STRONG BAD: Ugh. If that has 4 AA batteries, I'm gonna make it back to the real world myself. It's screwed in there. Hey big guy, you think you can pry this open?
STRONG MAD: OKAY! {Contestro starts to wake up, but Strong Mad drops him on the ground, knocking him out again. Strong Mad pulls off the square to reveal 8 AAA batteries.}
STRONG BAD: 8 AAA batteries? Well, let's take 'em out! {rips out all 8. The lasers stop and shut down. DSV collapses.}
BAT IN A BUCKET: {quietly} Crap! {to DSV} I'm so sorry! I didn't know it would go berserk like that!
DEATH SEED VIRUS: Never again, Bat! Never again! {leaves. Bat follows}
STRONG BAD: Let's just go through and- {Ometar appears} Wah! Who the crap are you?
OMETAR: Don't you remember Strong Bad? {immitating him immitating Homestar} "I'm going to steal Mawzipan fwom you!"
STRONG BAD: Oh, Ometar! It's you! I thought you, uh, killed yourself!
OMETAR: I did, but now, I will kill YOU!
{Cut to the AoD Base. Cut to the Main Computer Central Room. Homeskull and Veranda are watching a movie. Bat comes in.}
BAT IN A BUCKET: What are you doing?
HOMESKULL: Watching a mo- Bat! When did you get here?
BAT IN A BUCKET: GET OUT! {They both panic and Homeskull spills much of his soda on the Central Computer.} Dumb- huh? {The Central Computer goes nuts and flashes the words "Real World transport activated".} No! I must reset it! {starts pressing keys}
{Cut back to the Citadel. Ometar is holding a knife.}
OMETAR: TIME TO DIE! {stabs SB, SM, and The C. They all disappear.} MUAHAHAHAHAHA!! I've finally got my revenge! {leaves}
{Cut to Strong Bad's house. They appear.}
STRONG BAD: Whoa! I guess we just had to get killed! Now, time to check email!
{Cut back to the CC. Bat is still pressing keys. The words "Real World transport disabled" appear.}
BAT IN A BUCKET: Whew. If that was on long enough, they would be able to get back to Free Country.
{Cut back to the Citadel. The Unguraits and the others are standing outside. Contestro is up.}
CONTESTRO: So, do we just go through?
UNGURAIT #1: Probably. It should lead to the Alliance of Dismally's lair.
CONTESTRO: Good, cause I'm tired of being here!
KYLE: Don't worry. We're almost outta this creepy world. Let's go. {They all go in.}
{Fade to black. The words "Click Inbox
