Other Character Email The Unguraits/Dullards
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
Unguraits.
Cast (In order of appearance): The Unguraits, Contestro Sevornkey
Transcript
UNGURAIT #1: Email is like a prison. A prison with no walls...and no toilet.
Dear jawas, How do I deal with the dullards of my life? They constantly bother me without a clue that I don't like it. -Dennis
UNGURAIT #1: {typing} Well, Dennis...QUIT CALLING US JAWAS!!! It's bad enough that we have more enemies than we can count. And you've given us the chance to release an email totally unrelated to the plot. We haven't made one of those since...that one with the Death Seed Virus. We thanketh thee. {not typing} I mean {backspaces last sentence, starts typing} Thank you. {clears screen} So, dullards of your life, eh? Well, here's how you deal with them.
{Cut to the office. Text labeled "METHOD 1" are at the top.}
CONTESTRO: So, do you think Foxface will go out with me? She's real hot, but Gunhaver would kick my butt! He has a gun and an army! I only have inexperienced ninjas and a giant robot. I could kill Gunhaver, but I highly dought Foxface will. I mean I'm--
UNGURAIT #1: LOOK OVER THERE! {leaves}
CONTESTRO: WHERE?! {The Unguraits come in with a chair and hit Contestro with it.}
{METHOD 2}
CONTESTRO: Did you see the new episode of American Dad? It had Roger saying he punched a cow! Referance! YEAH!
UNGURAIT #1: That's not the newest, and it's not a referance.
CONTESTRO:...Umm... {thinks hard}
{METHOD 3}
CONTESTRO: So, did you go to the new Wal-Mart Supercenter down the street. I mean they have a lot of stuff. It's huge! Do you think there's an Ultracenter?
UNGURAIT #1: That's been there for years.
CONTESTRO: Oh...well did you go to the new Pizza Hut down the street? I mean the pizza's grea--{The Unguraits punch him in the face.}
{METHOD 4}'
CONTESTRO: {coming in} Hey, guys--AHH! {gets trapped in a large crate} Come on, guys. I just wanted to talk. This is a little extreme, don't you think? You could have just shut the door. {Ungurait #1 opens the crate and tapes Contestro's mouth shut. Contestro says muffled speech.}
{METHOD 5}
{The door is shut with several locks on it. Contestro can't get in. Cut back to the Steely 801.}
UNGURAIT #1: {typing} But those are just a few of the slightly extreme methods. There are several. And if you want to know them order {hold up the following book} 1001 Ways to Deal with Dullards. {Puts book down} I'm sure you won't have any problems anymore.
{The Paper}
Easter Eggs
- Click on the comic to see another Dullard comic.
{At a stage labeled "OPEN MiKE NiGHT"}
PANEL 1
DULLARD:So, what's with people making jokes about airline food? That's a little overused.
PANEL 2
DULLARD: I mean, did people lose their creativity and sense of humor? Better check with the Lost and Found.
PANEL 3
MAN: {offscreen} Boooo. You suck!
PANEL 4
DULLARD: Like that guy.
PANEL 5
MAN: {offscreen} You suck!
PANEL 6
DULLARD: SHUT UP!
Fun Facts
- This is a ripoff of the SBEmail, dullard.
