Other Character Email The Unguraits/Battle of Reaper Island
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
The Unguraits have a flashback about when they met Contestro (WIDESCREEN not included).
Cast (In order of appearance): The Unguraits, Contestro Sevornkey, Nen Yim, Jan, Soldiers, Homestar Runner, Liuteneral Eltro, Zombies, Homeschool Winner, Homeskull Whiner
Transcript
{Fade into the Citadel. The guys are walking.}
CONTESTRO: My legs are getting tired. When are we gonna get there?
UNGURAIT #1: It can't be too long now. We have to be close. But be ready to face tight security.
CONTESTRO: Like guard dogs?
UNGURAIT #1: Try lava-mutants, dinosaurs, anything they can get their hands on and can use for evil.
CONTESTRO: Wow... That's kind of unfair.
UNGURAIT #1: It doesn't matter to them. They always try to have as much of an advantage, regardless of whether it's fair or not.
{Nen Yim's Belty beeps repeatedly and prints out an email. The Unguraits take it and read it.}
Dear Unguraits #1 - #3 How was your childhood? Did you used to know Contestro back then? Yours sincerely, Strong Sader
UNGURAIT #1: {"typing"} Well, Not-Strong-Sad's-Unrelated-Step-Brother-from-the-City-of-Tokyo-and-then-Came-to-Free-Country-USA-to-Destroy-Some-Giant-Dragon-and-did-but-Somehow-Became-Strong-Sad's-Step-Brother-by-Some-Unnatural-Incident-Involving-a-Priest-New-House-and-a-Black-Lava-Lamp-and-is-Now-Tortured-by-Strong-Bad-and-Strong-Mad-as-Much-as-Strong-Sad-is-and-Soon-Left-Back-for-Tokyo-Because-he-Couldn't-Stand-Having-those-Two-Torturing-him-Like-that-and-was-Never-Seen-or-Heard-from-Again, we didn't know Contestro back then (Thank God), but we will tell you how we met him. {Flashback effect to a boat. They are on the boat wearing soldier's hats.} We were on a boat heading to... Well, you'll find out.
UNGURAIT #1: Umm... Where are we going? What are we doing? {The soldiers stay silent.} Can't anyone tell us?
HOMESTAR: Well, it's obvious. We're havin' a party!
UNGURAIT #1: Uh huh. Then why do we have guns?
HOMESTAR: It's a theme party! These guns are probably blanks. {Shoots a bullet toward one of the soldiers. The soldier quickly moves out of the way.}
SOLDIER #9: Watch it with those! We need those to shoot the enemy!
UNGURAIT #1: But, who is the enemy?
SOLDIER #2: We don't know yet. All we know is that we're heading for an island where we'll face an enemy like no other. Shh! The Liuteneral's coming! {Liuteneral Eltro aproaches them.}
ELTRO: Attention! We are about to face an enemy like no other! Most of you will die and there's a chance that NONE of you will survive, but it will be worth it, as we must protect Free Country USA! Any questions?
UNGURAIT #1: Who are we fighting?
ELTRO: We're fighting an army of zombies on an island we call Reaper Island. There we will find the leader in the center of it all. We don't know who he is, but he is the craziest person alive! Now, when I open this door, you will enter a firey, painful wasteland where no man has ever left before! Or so we think. We sent a guy here and he never came back, so we're just assuming... Anyway, get ready! {opens door to reveal zombies walking all over the place and machine guns firing like crazy. Several soldiers run out and start blasting them in the heads. Cut to the Unguraits nervously following the other soldiers. Homestar is beside them.}
HOMESTAR: So where are we supposed to go? {blasts zombie}
UNGURAIT #1: We dunno. We're just {blasts zombie} following the other guys.
{Cut to a view of all the soldiers running toward a specific place and shooting zombies, all getting killed by either zombies or hidden guns. Zoom in on the Unguraits and Homestar getting to an entrance where a soldier is standing.}
SOLDIER #16: Hey guys! Where's the others?
UNGURAIT #1: They're all dead.
SOLDIER #16: What?
HOMESTAR: {simultaneously} Whoa, really?
UNGURAIT #1: Yeah, all dead.
HOMESTAR: How'd that happen?
UNGURAIT #1: Oh, I'd think you'd know seeing as how YOU WERE THERE!
HOMESTAR: How'd it go?
UNGURAIT #1: ...Just listen to the soldier here. {to soldier} So where should we go? {Zoom out to see that the soldier's dead.} Oh crap. Looks like we're on our own, Homestar.
HOMESTAR: Well, let's go in that door over there.
UNGURAIT #1: I don't know... {several gun shots blast past them} Let's go! {They both go inside to find a group of zombies holding rifles to a cheat in an indestructible suit. They hide behind a pair of crates.}
ZOMBIE: {almost unintelligably} Time to kill the spy! Ready, men?
CHEAT: C'mon! Can't you just let me go? I'll never come back!
ZOMBIE: {ignoring the Cheat} Ready... Aim... Fire! {The zombies shoot the Cheat as he goes into the suit like a turtle and the bullets don't touch the Cheat. Once they stop firing the Cheat looks around. The zombies shoot him some more.}
HOMESTAR: Should we help the yellow dog?
UNGURAIT #1: If we have the weapons, we should use them! {They take aim and shoot 3 of the zombies. The one left grabs a gun and starts shooting them. They carefully dodge and they shoot the zombie. They untie the Cheat.}
CHEAT: Thanks guys! My name's Contestro, who are you?
UNGURAIT #1: We're the Unguraits and he... {Zoom in on Homestar trying to hold his breath. He lets go when his head turns purple.} is Homestar Runner, a man whose amazing athletic talent cost him his brain.
CONTESTRO: Indeed.
HOMESTAR: When can we get to this center of the island? I really gotta go!!
UNGURAIT #1: Ack! Now? Of all times?!
HOMESTAR: Not that kind of "go". I mean "go" back before Marzipan leaves for Seaworld without me!
CONTESTRO: How can you stand him?
UNGURAIT #1: We've mostly been ignoring him the whole time. Now let's go! {a loud noise is heard above them} Huh? {pan up to see a large ship that's dropping bombs where they are} Hey Contestro, that suit's indestructable, right?
CONTESTRO: Yes, but why- {The Unguraits grab him and hold him above their heads. Contestro immediately hides inside the shield. The Unguraits hide under him, running through a barrage of surface-to-air anti-oxidant missiles. Homestar appears to stay behind. After about 14 more missiles, they finally reach a mysterious door.} WHAT GIVES?! I AM NOT A SHIELD!!
UNGURAIT #1: You're not hurt, are you?
CONTESTRO: No.
UNGURTAIT #1: Then you're a shield. {They go in}
CONTESTRO: You guys suck. {follows}
{Cut to the inside of what looks like a lair. Homeschool Winner is tied to a metal pole.}
UNGURAIT #1: Homeschool Winner? What are you doing here?
HOMESCHOOL: I... I don't know. I blacked out and now I'm here!
UNGURAIT #1: Don't worry. We'll get you out! {They untie him}
HOMESCHOOL: No! Tie me back up! I think I know who's behind this!
CONTESTRO: Who?
HOMESCHOOL: Homeskull Whiner. My- {flinches and twitches wildly. He transforms into Homeskull Whiner.}
HOMESKULL: Thank you for untying me, foolish Unguraits. The zombies knocked out Homeschool, mistaking him as an intruder and tied him up. Thanks to you, the world will soon be mine!
UNGURAIT #2: We can just beat you up right now.
HOMESKULL: Oh really? Just try.
CONTESTRO: Very well! {charges toward Homeskull, but is reflected back by some sort of shield.}
HOMESKULL: HA! Just trying to charge into me like that. I have an impenetrable force field. Sucks to be you!
{Cut to Contestro, who lands on his head and becomes unconcious.}
UNGURAIT #1: Really? {He aims his gun at what looks like a control box. He shoots and breaks it. The force field disappears.}
HOMESKULL: No! Oh well. How about this? {a repeated beeping noise is heard.}
UNGURAIT #3: What's that?
HOMESKULL: This whole lair has become a bomb. It will explode, killing everything near and in it. Just try to escape.
UNGURAIT #1: You're insane!
HOMESKULL: I kn- {he begins to twitch and flail} No! Not... now! {He changes to Homeschool.}
HOMESCHOOL: Ugh... What happened?
UNGURAIT #1: That psycho just made the lair a bomb!
HOMESCHOOL: No! Quickly! {Presses a button and a chamber appears in the center of the lair.} Use this transporter to get off the island!
UNGURAIT #1: But what about you?
HOMESCHOOL: Look... {They walk over to a window to see the entire island outside. There are explosions, corpses, and blood everywhere.} Look at all of this. Homeskull - my evil half - has caused all of this. If I die, then my evil half is taken with me. {grabs Contestro and puts him in the transporter and transports him onto the boat.} Now go! {A siren blares as small explosions start triggering. The Unguraits get in the transporter.}
UNGURAIT #1: But-
HOMESCHOOL: Go! Don't worry about me! Just escape this island safely and don't look back! {Transports the Unguraits. Cut to the boat.}
ELTRO: Where could they be? {The Unguraits appear on the boat.} There you are! {to the boat driver} Hurry up! Let's get outta here pronto! This whole island's gonna blow! {the boat starts to head away from the island} You guys did good. You even found that guy I told you about earlier! You're true heroes! {Fade to the boat, far away from the island. The island starts to blow up, and does. Contestro wakes up.}
CONTESTRO: {groaning} Where am I?
UNGURAIT #1: You're on a boat heading back to Free Country. You got knocked out when Homeskull started to blow up the island.
CONTESTRO: Did it?
UNGURAIT #1: Yes.
CONTESTRO: What about Homeschool?
UNGURAIT #1: He wanted to be left behind so his evil half would die in the explosion. The important thing is, we're safe and we won the battle. Don't worry about him. He's in a better place now... {Cut to the island. Cut into the lair, burning. Homeskull is getting into the transporter and transports him self off the island. Fade back to the Unguraits answering the email.}
UNGURAIT #1: {"typing"} We felt like Contestro would be a good friend... {Pan over to Contestro, gnawing on his own arm} We were wrong.
{Fade to black. "Click here to email the Unguraits." appears.}
