Other Character Email The Unguraits/Rya

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

Jump to: navigation, search

Rya betrays squid. Unguraits and Contestro escape dungeon. Read emails 51-61½ or else you won't understand. GO NOW!

Cast (In order of appearance): Rya Botkins, Nicolai Technus, The Tar Monster, The Unguraits, Contestro Sevornkey, Possessed Squid, Jan, Doomsday, Techno, Doomsday's Minions, Kyle, Doomsday's Gaurds, Walt, Kotra, Shadow Contestro, Anti-Cosmo, Anti-Wanda, Evil Sock Puppet, Evil

Transcript

Part 1 - Population Tar

{Fade in to Rya's lair with Rya and Technus in the dungeon room}

RYA: You're fired! {Technus disappears} How can I kill the Unguraits if I have such incopetent fools for minions? TAR MONSTER! {The Tar Monster appears.} Go track down the Unguraits and Contestro! Don't let them escape once you find them! If you show your face around here without them in your grasp, you'll find yourself cryogenically frozen for 3000 years! Now GO!!! {The Tar Monster leaves. Cut to an industrial park.}

UNGURAIT #1: Why did her lair have to be built so close to an industrial park? It's hard to walk on this metal ground!

CONTESTRO: You think that's bad? You should see these black cement statues! They aren't even dry yet! Whoever made this has no artistic senses.

UNGURAIT #2: Contestro, I don't think that's a statue.

CONTESTRO: Come on. I suppose now your gonna say it's that Tar Monster.

UNGURAIT #1: That's because it is that Tar Monster! RUN!! {they run away}

CONTESTRO: Come on, guys! {to the Tar Monster} You're not a monster, are you?

TAR MONSTER: I am!

CONTESTRO: Oh...WAIT FOR ME, GUYS!!! {runs away}

TAR MONSTER: Get back here! {follows them}

{The Tar Monster catches up to Contestro realizes how close he is. He runs faster as the Tar Monster attempts to swipe him. The Tar Monster splits into 4. The globsgo 4 different ways. They surround Contestro. They charge toward him.}

CONTESTRO: HELP!

{The Unguraits hear him and go back to help. They grab him and rescues him from the tar. They continue to run. The Tar Monster is enraged. He notices a burning barrel. He touches it and is engulfed in flames, but isn't hurt at all. He runs after them faster. He blasts them with balls of fire.Contestro's hat is burnt to ashes. They run faster. The Monster breathes fire and misses them. Contestro suggests they hide behind a large tank labeled "gasoline" but they don't notice the words.}

UNGURAIT #1: You're sure this is a safe place? What's in this tank?

CONTESTRO: I have no idea, but it should shield us from the blasts. {The Tar Monster attacks. They go to the other side of the tank as the monster hits the tank open by accident. They see the words now.}

UNGURAIT #3: GASOLINE?!? We gotta get outta here! {They run as fast as they can away from the tank. The Tar Monster goes to the front.}

TAR MONSTER: Where do you think you're going? {turns around and reads the words} Uh oh...{Pan far out. The tank explodes. Cut to Contestro and the Unguraits, just far enough from the blast to not get burnt.}

CONTESTRO: Well, at least he's gone. All that's left now is those huge flames.

UNGURAIT #1: Wasn't the Tar Monster made of fire when it exploded?

CONTESTRO: Yeah, but why is that a bad thi...oh, SNAP!

{The flames get larger as the, ahem, Flame Monster controls them. His dark, booming laugh echoes as his face appears on the flames.}

TAR MONSTER: You'll never escape!

CONTESTRO: Let's go to the duck pond! We'll dive into it and make him drown!

UNGURAIT #1: Great idea, Contestro! ...Wait, did I just use those 3 words in a sentence? Nevermind. Let's just go. {they head for the pond. The Flame Monster follows. They jump into the pond. The Flame Monster jumps in after them, but begins to cool down. After a long, dramatic cooling, he disappears.} Now he's gone for sure. {Pan out to Rya watching them.}

RYA: Drat! I guess it's true. If you want a job done right, you have to do it yourself! {leaves}

{fade to black}

Part 2 - Resident Email

{Fade in to the Possessed Squid's Cave-Lair. The Squid is using a computer to track down Rya.}

POSSESSED SQUID: So Rya thinks she can betray me after I brought her back to...half-life. She'll be sorry, that ungrateful little traitor. {the computer beeps repeatedly} Ahh! It's found her. {while leaving} It's a good thing I had her chipped. {Cut to Contestro's lair. The Unguraits are on the Conty.}

UNGURAIT #2: Shouldn't we be finding Kyle?

UNGURAIT #1: Yes, but we are WAY overdue for an email. Let's see what we got. 

Dear the dead Unguraits,
You've gone far enough. I've slain all your enemies so I can slay you! I'll make sure you will 
die at the hand of I, and I'll dance upon your grave when I kill you! You death will be a slow, 
painful murdering, and I've just won the world record for "Most death threats in one E-mail"!

-Destroying you tonight, 
       Rya

P.S., I can't be killed. But you can. And you won't be alive again! Like the "Death Seed 
Plague" incedent.

UNGURAIT #1: {typing} So you're coming to kill us, eh? Well, we'll be...RUNNING! {they run away. Cut to the lobby}

CONTESTRO: {to Jan} And that's why I think they made schools.

JAN: ...That's possibly the most moronic thing you've ever said.

CONTESTO: Maybe. {The Unguraits come in.}

UNGURAIT #1: Contestro! Rya's coming!

CONTESTRO: Oh, man! That sucks! I guess we have to go to Trevor's house...

UNGURAIT #1: Let's look for Kyle instead. We have him chipped.

CONTESTRO: Oh, yeah. Let's do that. {they leave}

JAN: Hey, wait! I don't want to die! {follows them}

{Fade to black. Fade back in. Rya goes into the lair.}

RYA: You can run, but you can't hide, mortals! Hmm... {looks in every room} They're not here. Where could they have gone? {Cut to the field. The Possessed Squid is tracking Rya with the device.}

POSSESSED SQUID: Heh heh...I'll find her in no time! Hey, there she is! {Pan over to the lair's door. Rya is walking out. She notices the squid and begins to run.} Hey, get back here! {Cut to a different field. Contestro, The Unguraits, and Jan are looking for Kyle.}

UNGURAIT #1: Contestro, did you forget the tracking device?

CONTESTRO: Gah! Umm, no! I mean yes. I'm sorry.

UNGURAIT #1: Well, we can't go back now. Rya's probably wrecking the place looking for us.

CONTESTRO: What? Where will I live?

UNGURAIT #1: Where will we live? Remember, that squid burnt our house down! And Jan lives at your lair too!

CONTESTRO: Yeah, well...shut up. Huh? {Pan out to see a lare cannon} A cannon? Where does it go? Oh, well. {They all jump in. It blasts them high into the sky. Cut to Doomsday's Sky Lair. A siren goes off.}

DOOMSDAY: What? An intruder? That's impossible! {looks at the security camera} I should have known they would come to rescue their little robo-friend. Well, I'll put him at the entrance and ambush them there! This isn't over yet! Not by a long shot! {laughs maniacally}

{Fade to black}

Part 3 - Sky Sanctuary

{Fade in to Technus's lair in the Ghost Zone. He is putting together robot parts. After he is done, he flips the on/off switch. Techno rises.}

TECHNUS: Yes... He's alive!!! Now Techno, what must you do?

TECHNO: Destroy Rya.

TECHNUS: Yes! Now go destroy her! {Dramatic music plays as Techno goes through a portal.} I'll show her to fire me! {laughs maniacally}

{Cut back to Doomsday's Sky Lair. The Unguraits, Contestro, and Jan land in front of the entrance.}

KYLE: {behind door} Help! Help! Help! {this goes in a loop}

UNGURAIT #1: We gotta save him! Listen! He's crying for help!

JAN: It seems more like a tape recor--

UNGURAIT #1: CHARGE!!! {The Unguraits and Contestro dash for the entrance. Jan sighs and follows. They open the door. It's a tape recorder. Dozens of Doomsday's minions surround them.}

JAN: What'd I say?

CONTESTRO: Tape recorder?

JAN: I said it was a tape recorder. {Cut to the Dungeon with the Unguraits, Kyle, Contestro, and Jan.}

DOOMSDAY: I see you've found my lair. But that was part of my sinister plan! I did everything on purpose! Have you figured it out yet, Ungurats?

UNGURAIT #1: Hmm...Well, you must have a grudge against us, so you infected Kyle with the virus, knowing they would take him off the show, but you released the squid to make a mess.

UNGURAIT #2: Then, after they took him off, you made sure you were the one to replace him so you would learn more about us along with our weaknesses. You decided to kidnap Kyle after he was cured!

UNGURAIT #3: You then got this sky lair to hide from us! You brought out Shadow Contestro to buy time for planning, and then made Bogmire, Technus, and The Tar Monster to get on. Rya was just a bonus.

UNGURAIT #4: Then, to make sure you capture us too, you put a giant cannon in the middle of a field and ambushed us!

DOOMSDAY: Umm, yes, that's exactly right. But, you didn't count on one thing!

KYLE: What?

DOOMSDAY: Nothing, really. I just said that to sound cool, but now I shall drop a note for the squid to make you suffer! {leaves}

{Cut to the field. Techno comes out of a portal. He looks around and sees a large cannon. He goes in and goes into the sky. Cut to the entrance. Techno appears.}

GUARD #1: Halt! State your name!

TECHNO: I am Techno. Allow me to pass.

GUARD #2: Dude, he's a cyborg. Let him go.

GAURD #1: Then I'll get fired! {to Techno} I can't allow you to pass! Turn back or die!

TECHNO: I have already died once.

GAURD #1: ...Like I said, go on in. {Techno goes in to the dungeon room and breaks the bars. They leave. Jan has hearts in her eyes. A siren blares.}

{Fade to black}

Part 4 - Fun with Walt & Kotra

{Fade to the field. Possessed Squid is exhausted, still chasing Rya. He eventually stops.}

POSSESSED SQUID: Okay, that's it. I can't take it. {a peice of paper falls from the sky} Huh? What's this? {reads paper} 

From an anonymous friend,
783-9377

POSSESSED SQUID: Hmm...{get his phone, don't ask me where it came from, and dials the number. Cut to a house. Cut to the inside to see a desk with Walt waiting for something. Kotra is watching TV.}

KOTRA: Face it, Walt, noone's going to need us to kill and/or capture someone.

WALT: Someone will, eventually... Just wait. {the phone rings} Holy crap! I was right! {answers the phone} Hello?

POSSESSED SQUID: {from phone} Who is this? Who's calling?

WALT: Oh, great, another whack job. {to squid} Listen, buddy, you called us! We are Walt & Kotra:Expert Bounty Hunters," and what do you want?

POSSESSED SQUID: {from phone} Well, I found a note in the sky, {Walt rolls his eyes} and I called. So you're bounty hunters, eh? Well, I need you to search for, and destroy, the Unguraits. They're 4 wealthy bandits and all the money you find in their house is yours! I just want their heads mounted on my wall.

WALT: As long as they're as wealthy as you say, we're in.

POSSESSED SQUID: {from phone} Good. They should be travelling with a cheat in a red cap, and a Rusty Duck Ninja girl. {Walt hangs up}

WALT: Great! We've got a job, Kotra!

KOTRA: Great! Let's go! {They leave. Cut to the field where the Unguraits and the others are falling from the sky. They land on a conviniently placed trampoline, but unfortunately fall through it and make a huge crater in the ground. They get out, dazed and confused.}

CONTESTRO: Ohhh...Let's do that again!

UNGURAIT #1: No way! That hurt!

TECHNO: I have rescued Rya's enemies. Now I must destroy Rya. {leaves}

JAN: Wait for me!! {follows Techno}

CONTESTRO: Where's she going?

WALT: {offscreen} Excuse me... {pan over to Walt and Kotra} We are looking for 4 bandits travelling with a cheat in a red cap and a ninja girl. Hmm...well, I see the 4 bandits and the red-cap cheat, but no ninja girl. We'd better keep looking. {they both leave}

KYLE: We're lucky Jan left. {Cut to a field. Walt and Kotra are walking along.}

KOTRA: Hey, what if that was them?

WALT: Kotra, don't be silly, the client clearly said there would be a ninja girl, and she wasn't there.

KOTRA: What if she left them?

WALT: Then-- Hey! {they go back}

CONTESTRO: What I'm wondering is, why would she want to date a cyborg? That's not natural!

KYLE: That didn't stop Rick Dynamite.

CONTESTRO: Who?

WALT: Hey! You lied to us!

UNGURAIT #2: What do you mean? We didn't say anything! And who are you?

WALT: We are the Walt & Kotra Bounty Hunting Service. I'm Walt, and this is my wife, Kotra. We have been sent by someone we don't know to destroy you! He also said you are quite wealthy and said if we destroy you, we can take your riches.

CONTESTRO: Well, you won't while I still have this {pulls out a bomb} lit bomb I carry at all times for questionable reasons! {throws the bomb, which explodes at Kotra and Walt. They fly into the sky.}

UNGURAIT #1: Can we please get on with the whole "Rya" plot here?

{Cut to a field. Techno is using his tracking device on his arm to locate Rya. Jan follows.}

JAN: Do you have a girlfriend?

TECHNO: No.

JAN: Can we go on a--

TECHNO: {interrupts} Wait! I've found Rya! Follow me!

JAN: {disappointed} date? {sadly follows}

{fade to black}

Part 5 - Super Smash Cyborg Melee

{Fade in to the field. Rya is loking around to see if the squid is following her.}

TECHNO: {offscreen} So, Rya, we finally meet. {Pan over to Techno} I have ben sent to destroy you, and I shall.

RYA: Come on! I don't even know you!

TECHNO: But you know my master, Technus, who wishes to get even for you firing him.

RYA: Technus? That hack? Well, if you are his creation, I won't hold back!

TECHNO: I didn't plan foh[u6 you to.

RYA: Well, let's get it over with, then!

{Battle music starts. Techno blasts rockets at Rya. She dodges each one. She kicks one of Techno's arms off. The wires electrocute her. She quickly retracts to the ground. Techno uses jet-packs to fly. He launches Gernade Panks bombs at her, hitting her face with each one. As they land, flags come out labeled "Copyright Gernade Prank Bombs, Inc.". She jumps up and rips Techno's head off, leaving the robot body to function on its own. With no host to control it, it goes insane, wildly flailing and shooting bombs, Gernades, and rockets, among other things. Rya tries to dodge them, but get hit once and is paralyzed. She is blasted with many thing until she is no more than ashes. Pan over to Jan, who has her eyes covered. She opens them and is shocked to see Techno's decapitated head. She attacks to body and flips the "on/off" switch to "off". She cries mourning Techno's death. The field is now a wasteland with ashes and craters, among other things. Cut to Technus's lair. He is eating a pizza with pepperonis, mushrooms, and has 2000 volts of electicity. Jan knocks on the door. Technus get up to answer it. He opens the door and gasps. Pan over to Jan, who holds up Techno's head. Cut to the operating/evil robot creating room.}

TECHNUS: At least he defeated Rya. This doesn't look good, but I should be able to rebuild him to destroy the squid, who brought Rya back to life. Be back in 2 weeks.

JAN: 2 weeks??

TECHNUS: You think it's easy to create a robot suit? It's not. 2 weeks! {Cut to the field. The Unguraits, Kyle, and Contestro are walking along.}

CONTESTRO: Your house might be rebuilt now.

UNGURAIT #1: You're right let's go check.

Shadow Contestro
Anti-Cosmo
Evil Sock Puppet

Shadow Contestro

{Cut to the Unguraits' rebuilt house. There is a cheatlike man shrouded in shadow wearing a construction uniform.}

UNGURAIT #1: How goes the work?

CONSTRUCTION WORKER: Well, I just finished turning your house into a screaming deathtrap-- I mean rebuilding it.

UNGURAIT #1: Huh. For a second there, it sounded like you said you turned or house into a screaming deathtrap.

CONSTRUCTION WORKER: I did. {Everyone looks at him, shocked} Uhh.. I mean, uh.. Forget it! {takes off uniform to reveal himself as Shadow Contestro.

SHADOW CONTESTRO: It is I, Shadow Contestro, former leader of the Force of Evil, no relation! I have truned your house into the ultamate non-living killing machine! You can't even step on the floor without getting ripped to shreds! Now, I must leave. {laughs maniacally and leaves}

UNGURAIT #1: Umm...we still have to live with you, Contestro. Let's go. {they all leave}

{Credits}

Anti-Cosmo

{Cut to the Unguraits' rebuilt house. There is a floating, blue-skinned man with a monocle wearing a construction uniform.}

UNGURAIT #1: How goes the work?

CONSTRUCTION WORKER: {english accent} It is finished! There are no traps, whatsoever!

ANTI-WANDA: Sure there are! He rigged the house with tons of weapons and traps built to destroy you and anyone else! And, there's tons of bad-luck things, like salt and mirrors!

CONSTRUCTION WORKER: Oh, Anti-Wanda, you are such a twit! {takes off uniform}

ANTI-COSMO: Yes, I, Anti-Cosmo, have trapped yor house. And now I must go teach my nincompoop of a wife how to keep a secret! {leaves withy Anti-Wanda}

UNGURAIT #1: Umm...we still have to live with you, Contestro. Let's go. {they all leave}

{Credits}

Evil Sock Puppet

{Cut to the Unguraits' rebuilt house. Evil is holding up a sock puppet wearing a construction uniform.}

UNGURAIT #1: How goes the work?

CONSTRUCTION PUPPET: I built it!

UNGURAIT #1: Wait, Evil?

EVIL: This puppet controls my thoughts and bodily functions! {The puppet takes off the uniform}

EVIL SOCK PUPPET: I rigged your house with traps! Now, I have to go punish this empty soul!

EVIL: What? NOOOOO!! {they disappear}

UNGURAIT #1: Umm...we still have to live with you, Contestro. Let's go. {they all leave}

{Credits}

Fun Facts

Inside References

  • Gernade Prank Bombs, Inc. is from Gernade.
  • Shadow Contestro first appeared in OUFC.
  • Evil Sock Puppet is from Rockets.

Fanstuff References

  • Conviniently Placed Trapolines is a running gag from GEmail.

Real-World References



Retrieved from "http://fanstuff.hrwiki.org/wiki/Other_Character_Email_The_Unguraits/Rya"