Other Character Email The Wheelchair/year and a half

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The Wheelchair Email #30

Contents

Summary

King Snailbert is angry at The Wheelchair for lying. They go to save George.

Cast (in order of appearance): King Snailbert, King Snailbert's messenger, The Wheelchair, Mr. E, George, Mr. Flower

Plot: George is Kidnapped & Capturing The Wheelchair

Computer: Happy 354

Lines: 141

Page Title: Happy with the 354

Release Date: November 11, 2007

Transcript

{King Snailbert is on his throne. A messenger snail comes onscreen, holding mail with its invisible arms.}

MESSENGER: You have mail, your majesty.

KING SNAILBERT: Read them to me.

MESSENGER: Well, the first one's a bill -

KING SNAILBERT: {interrupting} Throw it in the fire.

MESSENGER: {tosses an envelope offscreen} Here's another bill. {tosses this envelope offscreen} Oh, here's one addressed to Bill!

KING SNAILBERT: No one cares about Bill. Throw that in the fire also.

MESSENGER: {Tosses another envelope offscreen. Now only one envelope is left, and this envelope is all black and doesn't have anything written on it.} Ooh! This one is mysteriously black and doesn't have any names or addresses written on it!

KING SNAILBERT: What? {jumps off throne and crawls toward messenger}

MESSENGER: Do you want me to test it for poison gas?

KING SNAILBERT: No. Just open it.

MESSENGER: Right, sir.

{the messenger opens the envelope and purple gas comes out of it}

KING SNAILBERT: {coughing} Why {cough} didn't you {cough} test this {cough} for poison gas?

MESSENGER: Really {cough} sir. You said {cough} to not check for {cough} poison gas!

KING SNAILBERT: {putting on a gas mask he got from apparently no where} Well, this gas mask is useful. So, messenger, can I have the letter?

{The messenger gives King Snailbert the envelope and then falls unconscious. King Snailbert takes out a letter from the envelope.}

KING SNAILBERT: {reading} Dear King Snailbert: If you are alive, I want to tell you that The Wheelchair is lying about George. George is not dead. I am holding him hostage and The Wheelchair can save him. Toodles, Mr. E. {not reading} Right. Um...SOMEBODY GET IN HERE!

{two more snails crawl onscreen, but they both go unconcious because of the purple gas}

KING SNAILBERT: Really. Do I have to do everything myself!?! {Goes offscreen. Cut to King Snailbert at a computer, typing with his invisible arms.} This should teach him a lesson. {begins typing "Dear Wheelchair" as the screen fades to black.}

{Cut to The Wheelchair at the Happy 354. The Wheelchair double-clicks on "Email"}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {singing} Da da da dum. Emaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiil! Yeah.

{an email pops up}

(No one appears to use or like subject bars)

Dear Wheelchair,
HGFJGFJGFJGHJHJHKJHK
gdhbiodfhp[fdhkop[rf98asknlfb]]
fdihod12904e328965439065iofdionb
Wheelchbpoghbnigfhopgfngomnfngfn,
THIS IS A VIRUS!!!!!!!!!!
fugbifduibjfdiohidofhbiohfbibh8778657568

THE WHEELCHAIR: {typing} Cool email, cool email. I don't really get it though. I mean, it's mostly gibberish, and besides the greeting, the only thing I could understand was "THIS IS A VIRUS!!!!!1one11111!!one11!". So, um, that's cool, I guess. Not that I know what "This is a virus" means but, it probably means something. {not typing} Hmm...{takes out a dictionary} Virus, virus. {turning pages} Ah! Here it is! It means: "Hidden instructions within a computer program designed to destroy a computer system or damage data". {typing} Well, that sums it up clearly. You sent me something that is either going to damage or destroy my computer. So...yeah. This virus doesn't seem to be working...

{a message pops up on the computer screen saying "Virus Blocked"}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Really, whoever made this virus is really bad at making viruses.

KING SNAILBERT: {coming onscreen} How do you like your virus, The Wheelchair! Hahahahahahahaha!

THE WHEELCHAIR: King Snailbert! You sent the virus!

KING SNAILBERT: Yes, and I'd say it's the most gruesome way a computer can die. Which phase are you in? Phase 1: The computer screen shows the Blue Screen of Death? Phase 2: The screen breaks, and wires fly out spilling electricity all around the room? Phase 3: Where the computer begins to ooze out all its blood and Mountain Dew? Phase 4: Where -

THE WHEELCHAIR: {interrupting} I'm on the phase where the computer blocks the virus.

KING SNAILBERT: Oh...crud. Well, nevermind the virus. But you are gonna pay for saying that George was dead!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Well...um...the thing is that...a few wolverines, bears, and coyotes told me that...and...well...you know...I wanted to keep that TV of his...

KING SNAILBERT: GO SAVE HIM NOW!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Look, King, if I don't save him, Mr. E will just get tired of doing this and set George free. It's reverse psychology!

{cut to Mr. E, who is silhouetted, and George, who is in a cave}

MR. E: I swear, if The Wheelchair doesn't come in the next twenty-four hours, then I will cook you in an oven and eat you!

GEORGE: Eep!

{cut back to The Wheelchair and King Snailbert}

KING SNAILBERT: He's been kidnapped for over a year! Mr. E would have released him by now if -

THE WHEELCHAIR: {interrupting} These things take time, you know.

KING SNAILBERT: {sarcastic} Yes, because a year and a half is a very short period of time.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Now you're getting it! Besides, we don't even know where he is! It's not like you can walk out the front door and expect to know where to go.

{Cut to The Wheelchair and King Snailbert going out of The Wheelchair's house. They come to a sign that's stuck in the ground that says "George is in the first cave on Mount Cupcakes".}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Uh...I wonder how long this sign has been here?

KING SNAILBERT: Judging by the erosion, I'd say a little more than one year.

THE WHEELCHAIR: I wonder how I didn't see this before...

{The screen fades to a flashback. The Wheelchair is rolling up to the sign.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: What's this sign doing here?

{The Wheelchair rolls closer to read it, but before he can, three horses run past the sign.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {following the horses offscreen} Wait up, three random horses! I'm coming!

{cut back to The Wheelchair and King Snailbert}

KING SNAILBERT: You only left your house one time?

THE WHEELCHAIR: Well actually...hmm...

{Cut to another flashback. The Wheelchair is holding an iPod and listening to its music. He rolls right next to the sign.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {singing} Everybody was Kung Fu fighting! KARATE iPOD! {smashes the iPod into the sign; nothing breaks, however} Those cats were fast as lightning! {rolling offscreen} In fact it was a little bit frightning!

{cut back to The Wheelchair and King Snailbert}

KING SNAILBERT: And you don't even remember the sign at all?

THE WHEELCHAIR: No...I don't recall.

{Cut to The Wheelchair and King Snailbert entering a cave on Mount Cupcakes.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: So...he's in here somewhere.

{the screen constantly gets darker and darker as they go deeper into the cave, and eventually the screen is completely black}

THE WHEELCHAIR: I can't see anything!

KING SNAILBERT: Yes, neither can I...hmm...what do I have...nightvision goggles!

THE WHEELCHAIR: I don't have eyes.

KING SNAILBERT: You're right...and I don't have night vision goggles.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Yeah, well - Ow! I just crashed into a wall!

{The screen begins to brighten again as The Wheelchair and King Snailbert come closer to a fire. The fire itself comes onscreen, along with Mr. Flower standing next to it.}

MR. FLOWER: Hello, King Snailbert and The Wheelchair. I'm here to guide you...to your doom.

THE WHEELCHAIR: You do realize that "to your doom" is extremely overused, right?

KING SNAILBERT: Mr. Flower! My servant that turned against me! YOU TRAITOR!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D...actually, nevermind. We're lost, so can you guide us...somewhere...anywhere?

MR. FLOWER: Yes. Follow me single file, please.

{The Wheelchair and King Snailbert follow Mr. Flower deeper into the cave. It begins getting dark once again.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Hey, Mr. Flower, I'm just wondering: Where do you get your food from?

MR. FLOWER: Well...um...uh...sometimes I use photosynthesis, but most of the time I eat...bugs.

KING SNAILBERT: When he worked for me, I never needed an exterminator because he pretty much was one!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Ewww...

{The three approach another fire, this one George in his cage and Mr. E's silhouette are around.}

MR. E: Hello, The Wheelchair.

{a cage falls on The Wheelchair}

MR. E: You're trapped. Mwah ha ha ha hah ha ha ha ha HA!

GEORGE: No no no! I told you how to laugh yesterday! You're doing it all wrong again! It's {makes an evil sound so evil it can't be descibed in a script}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {after rolling back in fear and banging his handles on the bars of the cage} What was that!?

GEORGE: I've been practicing an evil laugh for a while. It's pretty boring being in a cage for A YEAR AND A HALF!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Come on! I was using reverse psychology!

MR. E: Oh...really...I thought you just didn't give a pfargtl.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Well yeah...that too...

GEORGE: So now what? Can we vote on the way he will gruesomely die?

MR. E: No, no, no. What I want to do is reveal my identity in a dramatic way, then I make a bad pun, then I feed him to the sharks.

KING SNAILBERT: Um...Mr. E...isn't that a bit too cliché?

MR. E: Yes it is. That's why I'm doing it that way.

THE WHEELCHAIR: The sharks aren't gonna have laser beams on their heads though, are they?

MR. E: No. Probably not.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Good.

MR. E: All right, so that no one goes blurbing out my identity to everyone, I want everyone to leave. Okay? {Mr. E takes out a silhoutted key from his silhouetted pocket and places the key in George's cage's keyhole, and unlocks George's cage. George goes out of his cage, and he leaves along with everyone else except The Wheelchair, in his cage, and Mr. E.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Did you like...paint yourself with black paint or something? 'Cause no one else is silhoutted.

MR. E: No, I took a Silhouette Class at Evil Empire Pre-college.

THE WHEELCHAIR: EEP?

MR. E: Yeah, EEP.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Right. So you're gonna leave for a moment to prepare the trap while I, while you're gone, escape through some means?

MR. E: Yes, that's exactly what I plan to do. How'd you know? {walks offscreen}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {not really talking to anyone} I watch TV sometimes.

{cut to George at the Happy 354}

GEORGE: {typing} Aah!! It's good to have some fresh air! So I guess I'll be answering The Wheelchair's email for a little bit. Don't worry folks, I'm sure he'll escape from Mr. E alive. I mean...Mr. E is really cliché! Well...that's all! See you next time! Actually, wait one second.

{George double-clicks on "Internet Settings" at the top of the screen. A message box appears. George unchecks a box that says "Block Viruses", then X's out of the message box.}

GEORGE: All right, that's enough meddling. I'm gonna go eat some baked snails...I mean pizza. Yeah. Pizza. I'm not...I'm not a snailivore. Right. So I'll just be eating that pizza.{George leaves the screen}

{The Paper comes down}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on "cliché" at the end to see a hidden scene involving Mr. E:

{Mr. E's silhouette is walking through the cave}

MR. E: Now where did I park my sharks?

  • Click on The Wheelchair at the end to see this scene:

{The Wheelchair is in his cage}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {singing} Ninety-nine bottles of Mountain Dew on the wall, ninenty-nine bottles of Dew. You take one down, you pass it around. Ninety-eight bottles of Mountain Dew on the wall.

{The words "A long time later" come up on the screen}

THE WHEELCHAIR: One bottle of Mountain Dew on the wall, one bottle of Dew. You take one down, pass it around, zero bottles of Mountain Dew on the wall. {not singing} What is taking him so long? {singing} Zero bottles of Mountain Dew on the wall, zero bottles of Dew, you take an empty one, vomit into it, one bottle of Mountain Yuck on the wall.

Fun Facts

Commentary


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