Other Character Email The Wheelchair/rich

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The Wheelchair Email #34

Contents

Summary

The Wheelchair has trillions sent to him in the mail. He spends his money on the Darndest Things...or...what?

Cast (in order of appearance): The Wheelchair, Sherlock, The Worm, King Snailbert, Bad Steve, The King of Town, Eh! Steve, Ready For Primetime

Plot: None

Computer: Happy 354

Lines: 130

Page Title: Happy with the 354

Release Date: April 11, 2008

Transcript

{The Wheelchair double-clicks on "email"}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {singing} It was a time of devastation. It was a time death and grieve. It was a time not during the Great Depression, a time when people didn't have enough money to check their emaiiiiiiiiiiil!

{an email pops up}

(Hmm...no one? No one leaving a subject bar?)

Dear Mr./Mrs. Whealchair,
You've won 1,00,00,00,0000,000 $$ and a Nintendo Wii!!!!!!!!!
Click here to claim your prize!
Congrats,
Money and Random prize Man

THE WHEELCHAIR: {typing} Money and a Wii! Awesome! But uh...{types 10000000000000, then adds commas to it to make it 10,000,000,000,000} Wow! Ten trillion dollars! This better be real.

{The Wheelchair clicks on "here" and is taken to a website that says "Congratulations! Your Wii and money will arrive soon!"}

THE WHEELCHAIR: WAH! No virus! How can this be?

{A message on the computer screen pops up saying "Because it can".}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Ah! Creepy computer that can hear me and respond to me! Ah!

{Doorbell rings. Cut to The Wheelchair answering the door. A package labeled "From the ever so generous Money and Random Prize Man. The Wheelchairs takes it and shuts the door.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: I swear, if there's poison in here, I will...uh...die.

{The Wheelchair opens the package with his invisible hands and takes out a Wii and briefcase. The Wheelchair opens the briefcase and there's a bunch of money inside.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Ha! I'm rich!

{The screen turns black and "The Next Day" is displayed. Cut to Sherlock next to The Worm's hole. The Wheelchair flies down from the top of the screen on rocket boosters.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Hey, Sherlock, see what I have?

SHERLOCK: {mumbles}

{The Worm pops out of his hole holding a book called Translating Cowcopter, which has a picture of the The Worm on its cover.}

THE WORM: Sherlock just said {The following words appear in subtitles on the screen} "Go away, shut up, liek I'm totally trying to capture The Worm here."

{Sherlock bites the book out of The Worm's invisible hands, thinking it's The Worm because of The Worm's picture on the cover, throws it up into the air, catches it in his mouth and eats it. The Worm quickly goes back into his hole.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Psst...Sherlock, I've got ten trillion dollars. Want me to get someone to build a high-tech trap for capturing The Worm?

{The screen cuts to Sherlock and The Wheelchair standing next to The Worm's hole, The Wheelchair standing next to a large vacuum cleaner and holding the er...part that sucks things up. The Wheelchair puts it above The Worm's hole and turns the vacuum on. After a few seconds, the vacuum begins to shake and something comes up and into the vacuum.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Ha! I think I got something!

{The Wheelchair opens up the vacuum cleaner and looks inside it. The only thing inside is a book called Translating Cowcopter Version 2.2}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Hmm...well, time for Plan B!

{Cut to The Wheelchair operating a large saw in a crane-like vehicle. In a distance around fifteen feet from the hole, he operates levers in the machine to quickly cut a large circle around the hole. He operates a lever and the saw turns into suction cups, and the suction cups grab hold of the area in the circle and lift the ground up, revealing the underground area under The Worm's hole. All that is visible is an extremely large underground tunnel.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Well, I don't see him in this mound of earth...I mean, Cuppin' Cake.

{The Wheelchair releases a lever and the mound falls back into the ground. Immediately after, The Worm pops out of his hole.}

THE WORM: Ha ha! Nananananapoopoo! You can't catch me!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Uh...right. I'm gonna go buy...a mountain.

{Cut to a sign in the foreground of the screen saying "King Snailbert's Discount Mountain Buying" on a sign that's a piece of paper taped to two popsicle sticks glued together. The camera pans away from the sign to show The Wheelchair and King Snailbert in a bathroom, King Snailbert holding a clipboard.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Really, why is this place in a bathroom? Can't you at least have a special room for this? You're a king, after all.

KING SNAILBERT: Well, you see, I don't exactly have the funds...I, er, spent it all on my...tanning salon.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Well I do have the funds!

{Cut to a sign that says "King Snailbert's Mountain Buying" on a much nicer sign. The camera pans away to show The Wheelchair standing in a small office with King Snailbert on top of a desk.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: You know, I could make this place have windows and gold curtains.

KING SNAILBERT: No thank you. I mean, you just made me lose one of my cherished bathrooms in this castle! And really, who cares if there's gold in my place, anyway?

{The door suddenly bursts open and Bad Steve enters the room.}

BAD STEVE: Hello there! I need a waiter over here! I want to order a soda!

KING SNAILBERT: This isn't a restaurant.

BAD STEVE: Well, I didn't see any gold! For this not to be a restaurant, it'd need gold in it! Now get me a soda!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Bad Steve, leave and I'll buy you five sodas later. I'm trying to buy a mountain here!

{Bad Steve immediately leaves.}

KING SNAILBERT: {opening a booklet and putting it on the desk so it's facing The Wheelchair} So, which mountain would you like to buy?

THE WHEELCHAIR: {pointing with a pencil} That one!

KING SNAILBERT: Um...that's not a mountain. That's...er...my mom.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Well, she has a price tag in the picture. Um...how about that one? {points with pencil}

KING SNAILBERT: Mount ReallyExpensive? Okay...that'll be ten dollars and two pencil shavings.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Right. You know, how about I just pay you ten million instead of those two pencil shavings?

KING SNAILBERT: All right. Nice doing business with you. {gives The Wheelchair a piece of paper that says "Deed to Mount ReallyExpensive" on it}

{The Wheelchair leaves without paying.}

KING SNAILBERT: Er...did...he just...oh whatever. He redesigned my office to make it look nice, anyway!

{Someone knocks on the door from outside.}

THE KING OF TOWN: {offscreen} Doo hoo! Is this the new restaurant I heard about? Castle of the Snails? Mmm...sounds tasty!

{Cut to a view of the front of The Wheelchair's house with The Wheelchair standing a good distance from it.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: All right...good. A little to the left.... Drill a window right there!

{The camera zooms out to show that The Wheelchair's house is the base for a large mansion, which construction workers are working on.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Okay, and I want this finished by tommorrow, remember?

{Cut to Eh! Steve in Sweet Cuppin' Cakes. He walks over a tile in the ground and the tile goes into the ground like a button has been pressed. A net falls from the top of the screen onto Eh! Steve.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {rolling onscreen} Ha! I got you, Eh! Steve!

EH! STEVE: Eh! Leet me free!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Oh, I will. Here's five-hundred dollars. {tosses Eh! Steve money} Get me a better birthday present.

{Cut to a helicopter flying somewhere in the sky. The Wheelchair jumps out of it, and after him follows Ready For Primetime, holding a camera and pointing it at The Wheelchair}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Weeeeeeeeee! I'm sky-diving!

READY FOR PRIMETIME: Um...yeah. Me too.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Hey, how long until we hit the ground anyway?

READY FOR PRIMETIME: {takes out a calculator and presses a few buttons} Well, from the helicopter jump, it would take around elev -

{Sweet Cuppin' Cakes land suddenly scrolls onscreen. There is a trampoline in it, right under The Wheelchair, he lands on, and bounces back up and offscreen, while Ready For Primetime misses the trampoline and crashes into the ground. The camera cuts to The Wheelchair and follows him as he flies upward.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Ha! You crashed!

{The Wheelchair flies upward and crashes into the helicopter. Cut to Sweet Cuppin' Cakes with Eh! Steve onscreen. The Wheelchair crashes into the ground.}

EH! STEVE: Eh! The Wheelchair!

THE WHEELCHAIR: {getting up from being crashed into the ground} You better have gotten me something good, Eh! Steve!

EH! STEVE: Yeer money ees counterfeet!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Yeah like that's an excuse - WHAT!!?!?!?

{Cut to The Wheelchair at the Happy 354}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {typing} I'm gonna get you, Random Person, I swear it! Giving me your real money! I don't buy it for one second! Or well...I did, but now that I know it's counterfeit, I know that I won't buy it...anymore...Well, at least I won't buy it with your money!

{Crashing sounds are heard; debris from walls of a house fall onscreen.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Er...what was that?

{Cut to a view of the construction of The Wheelchair's mansion. A crane with a wrecking ball smashes the mansion part of The Wheelchair's establishment to pieces. Cut back to The Wheelchair at the Happy 354.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {nervous laugh} Well...er...this is...bad.

{The camera cuts to a zoomed out shot of The Wheelchair's computer room. Ready For Primetime walks onscreen and slaps The Wheelchair.}

READY FOR PRIMETIME: All right, pay up! I want every single genuine cent of that fake money you paid me for skydiving!

THE WHEELCHAIR: {handing Ready For Primetime a briefcase he pulled out from no where} Okay, fine. Here's your ten bucks.

READY FOR PRIMETIME: Good. {walks offscreen}

{King Snailbert crawls quickly onscreen}

KING SNAILBERT: I am not amused! That money you didn't give me was counterfeit!

THE WHEELCHAIR: {enthusiastically} Yes it wasn't!

KING SNAILBERT: So...I was just wondering if you could maybe...er...possibly, give me the ten million dollars?

THE WHEELCHAIR: It's in the briefcase.

{The screen pans to the right, revealing a briefcase. King Snailbert moves across the screen and takes it away with him offscreen.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Uh...wait...I had...ten million dollars? CRUD!!

{The Paper comes down}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {after five seconds} Wait, wasn't that Wii real? I still get to keep that, don't I?

Easter Eggs

  • Click on The Wheelchair's computer to see what else The Wheelchair did with his money:

{The Wheelchair is on a stage, holding a guitar. The strings begin to vibrate, and music begins to play.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {singing} Rocking around this email world,
Where I must check emails everyday!
Answering questions left and wrong,
And getting off just O not ryhme!

{The Wheelchair begins to float up into the air.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: But I still believe in you!
I know one day I'll eat a shneaker!
Not rhyme, not rhyme, not rhyme, not rhyme!

{The music suddenly stops and The Wheelchair falls to the ground.}

VOICE: Yeah, we have to shut down this illegal operation.

THE WHEELCHAIR: What? I've had these strings to lift me up into the air and this guitar for years!

VOICE: Yeah, but you used counterfeit money to buy the audience.

{The screen cuts to show many crickets on top of many tables, all chirping.}

Fun Facts

  • Wii is a video game console made by Nintendo.
  • The ".2" in Translating Cowcopter Version 2.2 is a reference to Marzipan's Answering Machine, which numbers its answering machines by a number and then ".2" also.


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