Other Character Email The Wheelchair/wheelchair's purpose

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The Wheelchair Email #11

Contents

Summary

The Wheelchair gets mad because people start sitting on him.

Cast (in order of appearance): The Wheelchair, old lady, Zorkolch, people at meeting, old police woman, old man, Ready For Primetime, Keyboard Strong Bad

Plot: Eh! Steve's Tragic Death

Computer: Wheely 145

Lines: 126

Page Title: Don't Sit Down!

Release Date: April 6, 2006

Transcript

{The Wheelchair types the_wheelchair_email.exe}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Email? What about Internet mail? Imail? Wmail?

{an email pops up}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {typing} Aah! Another one of these crazy emails! Didn't the the Wheelchair Rights Movement kick everyone into shape? {clears screen} I'm just joking. So, being sat on and being pushed? Can't say that's ever happened to me. So, I guess this email should get the old deleted. I haven't used that since the yesterday, when that 145 guy emailed me saying to kill Eh! Steve. I mean, he's already gone! Don't you pay attention? Seriously people! Okay, instead of deleting this email, I'm gonna do an experiment. To a-da-mall!

{cut to The Wheelchair standing in the mall}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Old ladies, old ladies, old ladies. No. Don't see any.

{an old lady using a cane walks by}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Found one! Hey, that old lady looks oddly familiar.

OLD LADY: Ooh! A wheelchair! I can finally get rid of this old cane! {throws cane offscreen}

GUY: {offscreen} Ow! My head! My head! I think it's bleeding! Ow! Ow!

{old lady sits on The Wheelchair}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Ow.

OLD LADY: What was that? I think my hearing aid is malfunctioning.

{Cut to old lady knocking on a door. An old, gray man answers it.}

OLD MAN: Come in.

OLD LADY: Yes, Mr. Zorkolch.

ZORKOLCH: I would rather you just call me Zorkolch. No mister in front of it.

{Zorkolch walks onto a stage. A few other old people are standing in the crowd.}

ZORKOLCH: You all know why you're here, and let me say I have a plan for my idea to stop the thing that we're trying to stop. And we all know what we're trying to stop.

PERSON IN CROWD: Yeah, we know.

ZORKOLCH: So let's begin. I have the toenails of our precious leader. If we can all revive him, Eh! Steve will come back to life!

OLD LADY: Hurry up, then!

ZORKOLCH: Wait, I'm feeling a bad vibe. It's coming from you.

OLD LADY: What are you talking about? I want Eh! Steve to come back, and I hate that no good The Wheelchair.

ZORKOLCH: Yes, I remember that attempt to destroy so well. I even caught it on film. We should all watch it.

{Cut to a black screen. The words "The Wheelchair Visits Washington D.C." appear. "And Almost Gets Killed" appear under that, in small letters. Cut to The Wheelchair looking at the Washington Monument.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Is it really supposed to be moving like that?

{Cut to the old lady in a different wheelchair ramming her wheelchair into the monument. The Washington Monument begins to sway back and forth.}

OLD LADY: Ha ha ha! This will be The Wheelchair's last day! Wait a moment! My old mind forgot physics. The monument will drop on me! {steers wheelchair offscreen}

{the old lady comes back onscreen next to The Wheelchair}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Hey, do you know what is happening to this monument?

OLD LADY: Get out of my way! {rams into monument}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Well, see ya. I don't wanna get blamed for this.

OLD LADY: See ya! Now what was I trying to do?

{monument falls over on old lady}

OLD LADY: Now I remem...ouch!

{cut back to meeting}

ZORKOLCH: If it wasn't for your old mind you would have succeeded. But you did not so....Wait. Your wheelchair, it looks very similiar to THE WHEELCHAIR! Get him!

PEOPLE IN CROWD: But I have a back pain. Me too! Ouch.

ZORKOLCH: I have a back pain too! Now get him while I read this magazine!

{The Wheelchair throws the old lady out of his seat and rushes out the door. Zorkolch chases after him.}

ZORKOLCH: Do I have to do everything myself?

{Zorkolch exits the room looking for The Wheelchair. He can't find him.}

ZORKOLCH: Where is he?

{Cut to some other place in the mall. The Wheelchair is onscreen along with an old lady wearing a police uniform.}

OLD COP: Are you The Wheelchair?

THE WHEELCHAIR: Yes.

OLD COP: Then can I sit on you?

{old cop sits in The Wheelchair}

OLD COP: There are strange things happening in this mall today.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Like what?

OLD COP: A man was trying to sell me a box with moving pictures for 200 dollars! I just don't get what's the big deal.

{cut to old cop knocking on the door of the meeting The Wheelchair was at}

ZORKOLCH: No one is here!

OLD COP: Oh darn! I thought someone was in there!

{Cut to Sweet Cuppin' Cakes Land. The Wheelchair is onscreen.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: People like wheelchairs. They're cozy and comfy. In fact, {an old man walks onscreen}

OLD MAN: What a nice comfy wheelchair. I'm going to sit in it.

{old man sits on The Wheelchair}

THE WHEELCHAIR: GET OFF OLD MAN!

OLD MAN: Sure, I will. For two bits.

THE WHEELCHAIR: What's two bits?

OLD MAN: Stop rumbling the seat by talking!

THE WHEELCHAIR: How about you get off this seat!

OLD MAN: All right. I'm thinking. Thinking. Thinking. What was I thinking about?

THE WHEELCHAIR: You were thinking about why you sat on this chair.

OLD MAN: Some Zorkolch guy said to.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Zorkolch? That guy who wants me dead and Eh! Steve alive? You know, he should allow younger people into his meetings.

OLD MAN: He does allow it, but no young people feel like joining.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Get out of my chair.

OLD MAN: Two bits.

{The Wheelchair throws the old man out of the chair. Cut to The Wheelchair and Ready For Primetime.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: You broke your foot. Right.

READY FOR PRIMETIME: Let me sit down on you.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Fine.

READY FOR PRIMETIME: Good.

THE WHEELCHAIR: No I meant fine. Like a there's a fine for sitting on me. Like you have to pay 200 dollars if you sit on me.

READY FOR PRIMETIME: But I broke my leg.

THE WHEELCHAIR: You broke nothing. You have feet, but no legs.

READY FOR PRIMETIME: I have legs.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Why are people all of a sudden asking to sit on me?

{Keyboard Strong Bad walks onscreen and gives The Wheelchair a note}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {reading note} Let me sit on you. My extension cord broke and it hurt my leg...somehow.

READY FOR PRIMETIME: No way! I need to sit on him!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Can't you just get crutches or something?

READY FOR PRIMETIME: What are those?

THE WHEELCHAIR: They help your feet walk if you have a broken foot or leg.

{Cut to the same scene only this time, Keyboard Strong Bad and Ready For Primetime are both wearing crutches. They both slowly move offscreen.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: And all this time they just didn't know about them.

READY FOR PRIMETIME: {offscreen} Ow! Ow! I fell! My other leg is broken!

THE WHEELCHAIR: And I'm out of here.

{Zorkolch arrives onscreen}

ZORKOLCH: Can I sit on you?

THE WHEELCHAIR: No!

ZORKOLCH: That hurt. You're letting down an old person who needs help.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Fine. Sit down.

{Zorkolch sits down on The Wheelchair}

ZORKOLCH: We're going to have a great time together. We should talk about bringing back the dead, and the great deeds of Eh! Steve. I wrote a book about Eh! Steve. Do you want to see it?

THE WHEELCHAIR: YOU ARE CRAZY! {throws Zorkolch out of the seat}

ZORKOLCH: Sorry. I forgot who you are. We should talk about Eh! Steve right now. He was a very thoughtful man.

THE WHEELCHAIR: You are crazy! Crazy! And you're a liar!

ZORKOLCH: We all need to lie sometimes. You lied about the fine you had for people who sat on you. You lied about how shampoo is good for rodents who are near death. You lied about how rainbows are bad for people.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Those lies all had their reasons.

ZORKOLCH: The rainbow one started a war.

THE WHEELCHAIR: How do you know this?

ZORKOLCH: I don't. I'm guessing.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Don't tell anyone about that rainbow one.

{cut to Wheely 145}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {typing} So not just old people need wheelchairs. Although I doubt that Ready For Primetime and Keyboard Strong Bad need a wheelchair.

{The Paper comes down}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on "wheelchair" at the end to see Ready For Primetime struggling with crutches:

READY FOR PRIMETIME: These are hard. {falls and tries to get up} Ow! I can't get up.

Fun Facts

  • This is the first appearance of Zorkolch.
  • The Wheelchair Rights Movement is a reference to the Civil Rights Movement.
  • Two bits is equal to one quarter.


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