Other Character Email The Wheelchair/tech ed

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

Jump to: navigation, search

The Wheelchair Email #32

Contents

Summary

Mr. Flower and Zorkolch attempt to catch The Wheelchair and bring him to Mr. E, who wants to feed The Wheelchair to sharks. The Wheelchair needs to go to someone's Tech Ed class.

Cast (in order of appearance): Zorkolch, Mr. E, The Wheelchair, George, The Worm, Sherlock, Mr. Flower, Ready For Primetime, Firebert, Eh! Steve, Bad Steve, Keyboard Strong Bad, King Snailbert, King Snailbert's guards, an Ungurait

Plot: George is Kidnapped & Capturing The Wheelchair

Computer: Happy 354

Lines: 461

Page Title: Today's Specials Include: Cannibal Soup, Mini Chocolate Sprinkles, and The Wheelchair

Release Date: January 18, 2008

Transcript

Part 1: Hunting Sherlock

{Zorkolch and Mr. E's silhouette are standing in a cave on Mount Cupcakes.}

ZORKOLCH: Um...Mr. E...I know you fired me, but...I kind of need money...

MR. E: Zorkolch, or Rockholz, or whatever...you do know I've never paid you even when you did work for me, right?

ZORKOLCH: Oh...right. I must have forgotten, but, just this once, can you pay me?

MR. E: Well...um...I do kind of need help with one job...I guess...no. No, I won't pay you, but you'll do this one job for me.

ZORKOLCH: Thank you! You don't know how much this...wait...you're not paying me?

MR. E: No, but you'll capture The Wheelchair for me anyway, correct?

ZORKOLCH: Capture The Wheelchair? Yes, sir, I'll get right on it. {Zorkolch walks offscreen}

{The screen fades to black, then "A The Wheelchair Email Special: tech ed" appears. Cut to The Wheelchair at the Happy 354. He double-clicks on "Email".}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {singing} One, two, one two three four. Emaiiiiiiiiiil is awesome! Emaiiiiiiiiiil is great. Emaiiiiiiiiiiil just farted in my face, but it doesn't matter since I've got no nose! That's right! It doesn't matter since I've got abosolutely positively obviously completely totally no nose!

{an email pops up}

(No, Mr. Chair, there is no subject)

Dear Whealchair god thingy,
In Tech Ed, I have this little thing with my teacher about whealchairs. WE love them. I was wondering if I could bring you to my Tech Ed teacher one day.

Sincere,
Awstin =]

THE WHEELCHAIR: {reads "whealchairs" as we-all-chairs} {after reading "god thingy"} So, I'm a god, now? I always knew I was! {says "WE" very loudly, says the "Aw" part of Awstin as "awwwwwwwwwww" and reads "=]" as equal sign, end bracket} Hmm, well I only see one mistake in this email. {changes "WE" to "Wii"} That's better. {typing} Well Awwwwwwwstin, I COULD {says COULD loudly} go to your Tech Ed class, BUT {says BUT loudly} you didn't tell me where your Tech Ed class is, SO...

GEORGE: {leaning onscreen} I know where it is, The Wheelchair!

THE WHEELCHAIR: {obviously doesn't want to go} Um...you do? Well...it must be pretty far, right?

GEORGE: It's not far at all! Just a couple hundred miles or so! Or with a teleporter...

THE WHEELCHAIR: {interrupting} You have a teleporter?

GEORGE: Oh. Right. Good point. Hmm...let me think...I know! The Worm told me about all these underground tunnels he made once that reduce distance by one million percent! It should only take seconds to get there!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Well, you know, it's just an email...

GEORGE: Just an email? Just an email! Do you know how many people murder other people and sabotage TBC's computer a day just to get an email answered by Strong Bad? That's right! Not many! But this is a person that is in need, and wants their email rightfully answered! So make this emailer happy and answer this email!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Right.

{Cut to The Wheelchair and George going up to The Worm's hole.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: The Worm?

{The Worm pops out of his hole holding a bat much larger than him or his hole.}

THE WORM: There you are The Wheelchair! I thought maybe you lost your bat from the last email! Well good news! I got you another one! {tosses bat to The Wheelchair, who catches it with his invisible arms} Well good luck beating up Sherlock! And don't come back without him unconscious! {The Worm goes back into his hole}

GEORGE: Um...I'm not even gonna ask.

{Cut to Sherlock sleeping in Sweet Cuppin' Cakes. The Wheelchair rolls onscreen carrying the bat, along with George, who is following behind him.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: He's sleeping? Well, this is gonna be easy. Almost...too easy...

GEORGE: You do realize that that line is extremely overused, right?

THE WHEELCHAIR: Yes, I do, but it sounds cool, so I'm using it anyway.

{The Wheelchair stands next to Sherlock and raises the bat over his handles with his invisible arms. The Wheelchair swings the bat down on Sherlock, but when the bat hits Sherlock, it breaks in half and Sherlock wakes up.}

SHERLOCK: {mumbles angrily}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Um...well...you see...I'm sure that may have hurt, but...it wasn't my fault...and...um...it wasn't my idea, you know...and what's that over there, Sherlock? {Sherlock turns around, and The Wheelchair quickly rolls offscreen}

{Cut to The Wheelchair and George in a garage. The garage has many tools on the floor, including a chainsaw, pliers, a leaf blower, a hammer, a sledgehammer, and a wrench. The Wheelchair picks up the chainsaw and starts it.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Hmm...I wonder what I could do with this besides cut down trees...

GEORGE: Um...I hope you're being sarcastic because if you're not, then you've got problems.

THE WHEELCHAIR: {ignoring George} Well, nothing I can think of. {tosses chainsaw behind him and it cuts into the floor, then stops running}

GEORGE: I think a sledgehammer would be best. {picks up the sledgehammer}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {taking the sledgehammer from George} Yes...this could work. Moo hoo ha ha ha ha ha -

GEORGE: {interrupting} Really, am I the only one who can do a good laugh? You're doing completely wrong! It's {makes a sound so evil that it can't be described in a script}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {in fear} Uh...you were never a serial killer, were you?

{Cut to Sherlock waiting at The Worm's hole. The Wheelchair, holding a sledgehammer, and George come onscreen.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Um...hello, Sherlock. Don't be fooled by this sledgehammer I'm holding; I'm not going to hurt you.

THE WORM: {popping up from hole} You better hurt him!

{As The Worm is going back in his hole, Sherlock grabs The Worm with his mouth, and tries to pull The Worm out of his hole.}

THE WORM: HELP!

{The Wheelchair rolls over to Sherlock and smashes him with the sledgehammer. Sherlock flattens slighty, stops pulling on The Worm, crumbles to the ground, and his eyes turn to X's.}

THE WORM: Excellent work, The Wheelchair! Now...I'd like both my bats back in pristine condition before you can use my tunnels.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Um...about that...

GEORGE: {talking moderately fast} How about this? The Wheelchair, and not me, has to either beat up Sherlock some other time during this email show's continuity or, if you ever get sick, have to find a cure for your sickness and bring you back to full health.

THE WORM: Hmm...done if I get both and you add in his "Get out of Jail Free" card.

GEORGE: Done. {appears to hit The Wheelchair, making the Monopoly "Get out of Jail Free" card fly up into the air and fall into The Worm's invisible hands}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Wait...what's happening?

GEORGE: Oh, we're just limiting your free will, nothing major.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Okay, good, because 'nothing major' is certainly not a business trick to get me to sign a contract.

THE WORM: {pulling a clipboard with a contract on it and a pen out of seemingly no where and giving them to The Wheelchair} And just sign here, here, and here.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Hey wait just a second!

THE WORM: {worried} What?

THE WHEELCHAIR: What if...I run out of ink?

THE WORM: {relieved} Oh...well, take this. {Gives The Wheelchair an old fashioned ink container, complete with a quill. The Wheelchair puts it on the ground, drops the pen, picks up the quill, and looks at the contract.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: So...now to read it.

THE WORM: No! Don't do that!

THE WHEELCHAIR: But -

THE WORM: If you take too long, the contract will blow up!

THE WHEELCHAIR: {sarcasticly} Of course it will.

THE WORM: Turn to the last page.

{The Wheelchair turns to the last page of the contract. A drawing of TNT with a moving flame lighting a fuse is on it.}

THE WORM: If you take too long, the flame will burn the fuse, and then the contract will blow up!

GEORGE: {crawling up onto The Wheelchair to look at the contract} How did you make that?

THE WHEELCHAIR: Nevermind that, I have to sign this contract before it blows up! {turns back to first page and signs the quill in three blanks}

{The Wheelchair gives The Worm back the contract.}

THE WORM: Excellent. All right, so you just agreed to beat up Sherlock and nurse me back to health if I get sick, in exchange for negative fifty dollars. Are we clear?

THE WHEELCHAIR: What!? I thought...but...what happened to letting George and I use your underground tunnels to get to the school?

THE WORM: My underground tunnels? You'll never fit in them! Besides, where they lead is {three second pause} confidential.

THE WHEELCHAIR: But you said you'd let me use -

THE WORM: {interrupting} I lied.

THE WHEELCHAIR: But George said that the school was over a hundred miles -

GEORGE: {interrupting} I lied.

THE WHEELCHAIR: So you lied, huh? Well, at the end of the day, do you feel the inevitable guilt on your shoulders? Don't you feel like you should have never lied in the first place? Don't you feel like a giant lump of dirt is clogging your heart when you lie?

THE WORM: No, not at all. I sometimes feel like I can live forever when I lie, but never does it feel like something is clogging my heart.

GEORGE: Same here, except my heart does feel like it's clogged sometimes...

THE WHEELCHAIR: {interrupting} See, The Worm? He feels guilt!

GEORGE: {finishing last line} ...when I eat too much, but that's about it.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Okay, fine, you guys ripped me off, but I need to know how to get to that school, all right?

GEORGE: The school? Oh, it's right over there!

{The camera pans to the right, revealing a school with the words "Cupcakes High" engraved above the entrance way.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: You've got to be kidding me. I don't know how in the world I didn't spot that.

GEORGE: Blame JeRM. He's writing this.

{The scene freezes and the screen zooms out, revealing that Mr. Flower and Zorkolch are watching the scene on a TV.}

ZORKOLCH: So, The Wheelchair has to go to a school? That gives me a plan on how we can capture him...

MR. FLOWER: Interesting Zathura; what exactly is your plan?

ZORKOLCH: It's Zorkolch, or you can call me Rockholz, as that's my rock monster form.

MR. FLOWER: Yeah, yeah, whatever Rockman. What's your plan?

ZORKOLCH: Rockman...? Are you serious? I'm not even gonna tell you the plan now because of that.

MR. FLOWER: Oh, whatever, let's just go to the school already. I'll guide you there.

Part 2: Tech Ed Class

{Cut to The Classroom. "Tech Ed" is written on the chalkboard. The Wheelchair comes onscreen.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Is this the Tech Ed class?

READY FOR PRIMETIME: {walking onscreen} No, this is Learning-to-Read class...

THE WHEELCHAIR: Huh. That's strange. On the board it says Tech Ed.

{Cut to Bad Steve, Eh! Steve, Firebert, and Keyboard Strong Bad at their desks.}

FIREBERT: Whoa! A real live wheelchair! I've always wanted to see one before!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Do you have short-term memory or something? You just saw me back when we...uh...failed...to save a moon a summer and a year ago...

FIREBERT: Nope, I don't recall.

{Cut to Ready For Primetime and The Wheelchair at the front of The Classroom. The silhouettes of the four "students" are in the foreground.}

READY FOR PRIMETIME: Well, thanks for joining the class, The Wheelchair. {begins to drool} All of us here are...{his drooling begins to interfere with his speaking} fascinated with wheelchairs.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Uh...you're drooling.

READY FOR PRIMETIME: {stops drooling} Right, right. Does anyone have any questions for The Wheelchair?

{Eh! Steve, silhouetted in the foreground, raises his hand.}

EH! STEVE: Why dee you heete me?

THE WHEELCHAIR: Uhh...well...you see, that's a difficult question...

BAD STEVE: What, did he like, steal your soda or something?

THE WHEELCHAIR: No, he gave me a bad birthday present.

BAD STEVE: Oh...right.... And then he stole your soda?

THE WHEELCHAIR: No, because unlike you, I don't cry over spilled Mountain Dew.

BAD STEVE: {standing up} DON'T YOU DARE EVEN THINK ABOUT SPILLING THE PRECIOUS!!

READY FOR PRIMETIME: Settle down, settle down, class. We have a lot to learn today.

{bell rings}

EH! STEVE: Eh! The eend of class!

READY FOR PRIMETIME: NO! None of you can leave yet!

EH! STEVE: Beet my heestory teacher will keell me eef I'm not there!

READY FOR PRIMETIME: No one goes until the principal comes in and arrests me! You're all staying in here!

{Keyboard Strong Bad starts playing a cheerful song on his keyboard.}

READY FOR PRIMETIME: Turn off the song. No songs in class.

{Keyboard Strong Bad plays the song louder}

BAD STEVE: He's probably angry. He does that when he plays loud and happy songs.

READY FOR PRIMETIME: Right. So...let's get to wo-

EH! STEVE: {interrupting} Eh! Steve!

READY FOR PRIMETIME: No...uh...screaming your name in class.

EH! STEVE: Eh?

{Ready For Primetime throws chalk at Eh! Steve}

READY FOR PRIMETIME: SHUT UP AND LISTEN, YOU!! {pause} Anyway, today in class, your assignment is to build a wooden sculpture of The Wheelchair. Anyone who refuses to do so will be dropped off a cliff. Are we clear?

THE WHEELCHAIR: Uh...is this legal?

{Cut to Firebert making a sculpture of a wheelchair in front of his desk. It is nearly finished, and it looks a lot like a regular wheelchair and not The Wheelchair. Ready For Primetime walks onscreen.}

READY FOR PRIMETIME: What is that!?

FIREBERT: It's my sculpture. Doesn't it look great?

READY FOR PRIMETIME: No, it looks absolutely horrific! It doesn't even have a mouth! You get an F!

FIREBERT: But -

{Ready For Primetime takes out a rocket launcher from no where and blows up the sculpture.}

READY FOR PRIMETIME: I'd drop you off a cliff, but...I don't where one is...

{Ready For Primetime puts the rocket launcher away and walks to the right. The screen follows him and he comes to Eh! Steve, whose The Wheelchair sculpture is held together crudely with glue and nails. Some of the wood is slanted and it looks as if it could easily fall apart.}

READY FOR PRIMETIME: Um...it's...good...I guess. I'll give you...an E for effort.

EH! STEVE: Eh! An E!

{Firebert comes onscreen}

FIREBERT: What!? Mine was much better than Eh! Steve's and yet he gets a better grade! An E isn't even a real grade!

READY FOR PRIMETIME: Well, I do hate it, but he tried his best.

FIREBERT: I tried my best! How come you're not blowing up his sculpture, huh?

{Pause. Ready For Primetime does not respond.}

FIREBERT: {angry} That's it! {Firebert hits the sculpture and it magically straigtens into a perfect wooden sculpture of The Wheelchair} What the -? How did -?

READY FOR PRIMETIME: Ahh!! My eyes! That has to be the worst The Wheelchair sculpture I've ever seen! {runs offscreen to the right screaming}

{As the camera quickly pans to the right, Firebert is seen jumping on top of the sculpture before he goes offscreen. The camera stops as Keyboard Strong Bad, finishing a The Wheelchair scuplture exactly the same as the one Firebert had just smashed, comes onscreen.}

READY FOR PRIMETIME: Wow! That sculpture is...perfect! I've never seen such a great sculpture of The Wheelchair ever before, not even five seconds ago! Wow!

{The Wheelchair rolls onscreen.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Whoa, you made me a clone! Excellent work, Keyboard Strong Bad!

{The camera pans to the right as Ready For Primetime walks to Bad Steve, at his desk, making a sculpture of a soda bottle.}

READY FOR PRIMETIME: What is that?

BAD STEVE: A soda. You know, like a 2-liter soda bottle that you -

READY FOR PRIMETIME: {interrupting} The assignment was to create a sculpture of The Wheelchair!

BAD STEVE: What, are you gonna throw me off a cliff or something? You don't even know where one is!

{Cut to Ready For Primetime throwing Bad Steve off a cliff. Cut back to The Classroom. The Wheelchair, Keyboard Strong Bad's sculpture, and Ready For Primetime are at the front of the room, and Firebert's, Eh! Steve's, and Keyboard Strong Bad's silhouettes are in the foreground.}

READY FOR PRIMETIME: Now that Bad Steve has been taken care of -

{Ready For Primetime is interrupted by the sound of a door opening and Mr. Flower and Zorkolch bursting onscreen.}

ZORKOLCH: Grab him!

{Mr. Flower grabs the The Wheelchair sculpture and they leave.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Did they...did they just confuse me with a wooden sculpture?

READY FOR PRIMETIME: Yeah, probably. Anyway, Keyboard Strong Bad, I'm afraid I have to give you a zero because your work is not present.

{Cut to Mr. Flower, Zorkolch, Mr. E, and The Wheelchair's sculpture in a cave.}

MR. E: You have him?

ZORKOLCH: Yes. {pushed the The Wheelchair sculpture to Mr. E} He hasn't said a word since we captured him, though.

MR. E: He's probably just really, really scared. All right, I'll just bring him to my shark pit... {grabs the sculpture with invisible silhouetted arms and walks offscreen}

{Cut to Mr. E, carrying the sculpture, standing on the edge of a pool with sharks in it.}

MR. E: Any last words before you get eaten by sharks that are mine and are really awesome?...and better than any sharks you've ever had in your entire life time?....if you've had any, that is?...Not that you would have, anyway, since I don't know why you'd have killer sharks if you're not evil or a marine guy...which I'm talking about a scientist, not a war guy...speaking of war guys -

ZORKOLCH: {offscreen} {interrupting} SHUT UP AND THROW HIM IN ALREADY!

MR. E: Right, right.

{Mr. E throws the The Wheelchair sculpture in the pool of sharks. The sharks all start biting it and ripping it apart. Cut back to The Wheelchair and Ready For Primetime at the front of The Classroom and the silhouettes of the three "students" in the foreground.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: I still can't believe the stupidity of the villians in this email. I mean...they grabbed a wooden sculpture of me when I'm standing right next to it!

READY FOR PRIMETIME: Yeah, that's great. Anyways, students, you're all failures! I'm afraid I'm going to have to...ki-

THE WHEELCHAIR: {interrupting} What kind of class are you running here?

READY FOR PRIMETIME: They're failures, I tell you! They're all failures!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Right...I'm gonna get out of here...

FIREBERT: {walking from the foreground to the front of the classroom} To defeat Mr. E?

THE WHEELCHAIR: Well no, I wanted to go home and eat some chips and watch TV and maybe...

FIREBERT: Enslave justice into evil?

THE WHEELCHAIR: No...

FIREBERT: Yes!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Right...um...I'm just gonna go now...

FIREBERT: Then I'm coming with you!

THE WHEELCHAIR: But there's no point! I'm not going to Mount Cupcakes! I'm going...

FIREBERT: To Mount Cupcakes! But it's dangerous! I heard a monster named Jalazan lives there and such and such!

THE WHEELCHAIR: I'm not going to Mount Cupcakes! I'm...

FIREBERT: All right, well if you're going, I'm coming too!

THE WHEELCHAIR: What, do I have to try using reverse psychology to get rid of you? {pause} Right then. To Mount Cupcakes!

FIREBERT: But, sir! Wouldn't it be safer to stay home?

THE WHEELCHAIR: No, home is for losers!

FIREBERT: Yes, I understand. Would you like me to blow up your home?

THE WHEELCHAIR: What? No!

FIREBERT: Of course, sir! I'll blow up your home while the rest of the class and you defeat Mr. E! {Firebert leaves}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Omigosh, what have I gotten myself into?

READY FOR PRIMETIME: All right, class, anyone who goes with The Wheelchair gets extra credit!

Part 3: The Last Stand

{Cut to The Wheelchair, followed by Eh! Steve; Keyboard Strong Bad; and Bad Steve, who has a bandage on his forehead, going up an inclined path on Mount Cupcakes.}

BAD STEVE: So, The Wheelchair, what's your plan? Are we gonna eat his small intestines or whatever? Or are we gonna have more cowbell? How about we knock them out with a cowbell and then eat their intestines?

THE WHEELCHAIR: What? What are you talking about?

BAD STEVE: Uh...nevermind. Just asking...plan...frog...hom...forum...right.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Well, basically the plan is to go in there and defeat Mr. E with...uh...actually, I'm not sure what we're gonna defeat him with, but I'm working on it.

EH! STEVE: Eh! A cave!

{The Wheelchair and the others enter a cave and the scene gradually gets darker until the characters are barely visible.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Ah, I can't see!

BAD STEVE: You can never see. You don't have eyes.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Yes I do! They're just invisible!

BAD STEVE: Right, of course. Of course, me and Eh! Steve here have eyes that have night-vision, so we don't have any trouble seeing. And Keyboard Strong Bad doesn't have eyes either, so...

THE WHEELCHAIR: {interupting} I have eyes!

BAD STEVE: No, you don't. Endo discussion.

{The scene begins to get brighter again and soon a fire comes onscreen. Mr. Flower is sleeping next to the fire.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Hey look, Mr. Flower's sleeping! So, how should we ki...I mean, let's knock him out with a rock so he doesn't wake up anytime soon!

BAD STEVE: Looks like Keyboard Strong Bad's already one step ahead of you, The Wheelchair.

{Keyboard Strong Bad throws a rock at Mr. Flower and the scene cuts away right before it hits him. Cut to Mr. E. The Wheelchair and the others come onscreen from the opposite direction Mr. E is facing.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Keyboard guy, do you have any death metal tunes on your keyboard memory? I think death metal might make him melt or explode or something.

EH! STEVE: Eh! Eesn't theet a beet cliché?

BAD STEVE: That isn't cliché; that's stupid.

THE WHEELCHAIR: It doesn't matter because we'll carry out my plan anyways! Right, Keyboard Strong Bad?

{Keyboard Strong Bad plays a death metal toon on his keyboard and Mr. E screams and runs away, hitting the side of the screen and falling over.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Hey, it worked!

{Cut to George and The Worm in Sweet Cuppin' Cakes.}

GEORGE: Hey, The Worm, you have cameras set up all around Mount Cupcakes, right?

THE WORM: Yeah, why?

GEORGE: Do you have them in the cave Mr. E is in?

THE WORM: Yeah, I do.

GEORGE: Want to watch the epic battle between Mr. E and The Wheelchair?

THE WORM: Sounds like a plan.

{Cut to The Worm and George in a security-station-like room, with many closed circuit TVs on a panel and buttons below them. The camera zooms in a screen showing The Wheelchair and the others looking down over Mr. E. When the entire screen has zoomed in on them, Mr. E gets up.}

MR. E: The Wheelchair? How are you alive?

THE WHEELCHAIR: {pause} You're serious? You actually thought a wooden sculpture of me was me?

MR. E: That was a...sculpture? But...it looked just like you! Erg...that's it! Zorkolch! Destroy them!

{Zorkolch runs onscreen, flings his arm into a horizontal position, and fires a rock about twenty times the size of his fist from it. The scene cuts to George's and The Worm's...er...faces. A large flying rock hitting some people sound is heard.}

GEORGE: Ooh...that looks like it hurt.

{Cut back to the scene; The Wheelchair and everyone else is laying on the ground upside down and at an angle. Zorkolch walks offscreen, and Mr. E takes out a remote with a red button on it. He presses it, and a cage falls over the four.}

MR. E: Ha! Now you're trapped!

THE WHEELCHAIR: {"jumping" upright} I'll just lift the cage up like last time.

MR. E: Oh, that reminds me!

{Mr. E walks offscreen. Mechanical moving sounds are heard and a few moments later Mr. E returns onscreen in the driver's seat of a crane. Mr. E uses the crane to put a sack labeled "Really Heavy Potatoes" on top of the cage. Cut to George and The Worm in the security room.}

THE WORM: Oh my frog! Someone should rescue them!

GEORGE: Right. Not me.

THE WORM: Wait, if not you or me, how many...Firebert's busy blowing up The Wheelchair's house...Ready For Primetime is watching primetime...who could be our idiot to save them?

GEORGE: I know one.

{Cut to George knocking (by lifting the front of his slug body high into the air and leaning forward) on a large, fancy door, which is the entrance to King Snailbert's castle. The door opens, and King Snailbert comes outside.}

GEORGE: Hey, dad, would you mind arresting some ebil people for me?

KING SNAILBERT: It's Your Majesty or King Snailbert. Dad is a one-syllable impolite...

GEORGE: Yeah, yeah, go to Mount Cupcakes and go in that huge cave and go arrest some people.

KING SNAILBERT: I don't take orders from...

GEORGE: {his face growing five times larger, his neck extending toward King Snailbert, his eyes angry, and his mouth showing large, sharp teeth} DO IT!!

{Cut back to The Wheelchair, Bad Steve, Eh! Steve, and Keyboard Strong Bad in their cage with Mr. E standing outside it.}

MR. E: ...And then afterward, I'll throw in the shark tank! I'm sure you'll find it quite shocking. Er...sharp. Quite sharp.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Um..why'd you just tell us your whole plan?

MR. E: Because... {walks offscreen to the left and comes back onscreen carrying a fire above his silhouetted head, putting it down in front of the cage} I am... {goes as close to the fire as possible, revealing Mr. E's identity} a generic Ungurait.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Um...okay then. Not like anyone even cares. But really, why do you even go to this extent to try to finish me off anyways?

MR. E: {Now as an Ungurait and will be for the remainder of the email} I do it to get revenge on you for killing my father!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Yeah, do you know how stupid and clichéd that sounds? I mean, I was up on a top secret mission on the moon defeating an evil mass murder group called the Unguraits. And...how would you even know about it?

MR. E: Well...I...you see...erm, I stole from the government...and...well...It doesn't matter!

{King Snailbert crawls onscreen with two guards at his sides, which are snails two-thirds the size of The Wheelchair.}

KING SNAILBERT: Stealing? From the government? That...is...ILLEGAL! Arrest that -

MR. E: You have no proof I said that.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Uh...you know he kidnapped us, right? See how us four in here are in a cage?

KING SNAILBERT: Not now, The Wheelchair, I'll arrest you later. Anyways, Mr. E, would you mind eating these pancakes? {takes a stack of pancakes out of no where}

MR. E: {taking the pancakes} Okay...

{As Mr. E eats the pancakes, King Snailbert takes a camera out of no where and snaps a picture of him eating the pancakes. King Snailbert puts the camera away.}

MR. E: What the heck?

KING SNAILBERT: Proof...that you stole my pancakes. ARREST HIM!!

{The two guards crawl over to Mr. E, pick him up with their invisible arms, and carry him offscreen.}

MR. E: {right before leaving the screen} ZORKOLCH! HELP!

{The ceiling collapses, causing rocks to fall over the cage, and knocking off the sack of potatoes. As The Wheelchair lifts up the cage and throws it offscreen, the camera quickly zooms out to reveal Rockholz standing where the right-side's offscreen used to be. Oh, and Mr. E, the two guards, and King Snailbert are still onscreen too.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Oh, crud.

{Rockholz throws a rock at the two guards carrying Mr. E. It hits them, causing Mr. E to go flying to the right of the screen, landing behind Rockholz. The Wheelchair, Bad Steve, and the two guards try to move closer to Rockholz, (while King Snailbert begins to slowly move offscreen) but Rockholz slams a rock wall into the ground, blocking access to him. Cut to George and The Worm in the security station.}

THE WORM: This is epic.

GEORGE: Keep quiet, I'm trying to watch the movie.

{Cut The Wheelchair and Bad Steve next to the wall Rockholz put in the ground.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: All right, I have an idea to get over this wall. Bad Steve, you can jump on my chair, which is a little springy, and that will give you a boost to jump over the wall...hopefully. Otherwise, you'll probably hit your head on some rock and go into a concussion.

{The Wheelchair turns away from the wall and Bad Steve walks to the left, then runs toward The Wheelchair, jumping on the chair, and subsequently getting launched into the air at rocket speed, also causing The Wheelchair's seat to fly upward, but then to come back down into its place.}

BAD STEVE: {screams}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {overlapping Bad Steve's screaming} Oh, did I say a little springy? I meant a lot. Sorry.

{Cut to Bad Steve flying through the air. The camera moves to follow him until he lands on the top of the wall, which is about the height of Rockholz's shoulders. Rockholz leans down, then flicks Bad Steve off the wall. Cut to The Wheelchair. Bad Steve lands on the ground and stops in a small slide.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Cwud. I should have brought my rocket boosters.

EH! STEVE: {walking onscreen} Reeket boosteers? I reemembeer stealing theem from you. {holds out a pair of rocket boosters}

THE WHEELCHAIR: You...stole my rocket boosters?

EH! STEVE: Yeah.

{The Wheelchair attaches the rocket boosters to the back of each of his wheels and as they start up, they blast Eh! Steve in his face/body. Cut to a closeup of Rockholz's head. The Wheelchair flies onscreen, and goes right in front of his face.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Prepare to be blasted in the face with fire!

{The Wheelchair flies up to Rockholz's face and turns sideways, making the fire coming from the rocket boosters go on Rockholz's face, but Rockholz completely ignores it. The Wheelchair turns right-side-up again.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Crud...he's...invicible!

ROCKHOLZ: No I'm not. My weakness is...oh, wait...nevermind.

THE WHEELCHAIR: No, no, go on.

{Rockholz flicks The Wheelchair offscreen. Cut to George and The Worm in the security room.}

GEORGE: Wait...I know Rockholz's weakness! To destroy a rock monster, alls you have to do is get it to drink flavored water!

THE WORM: But who buys flavored water?

GEORGE: Uh...I do.

{Cut to The Wheelchair, Bad Steve, Keyboard Strong Bad, and Eh! Steve in the cave, still to the left of the wall.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: If we only knew how to defeat him, then we could defeat him!

{George comes onscreen holding a bottle of flavored water.}

GEORGE: I know his weakness, which I believe that we can use his weakness to weaken him.

THE WHEELCHAIR: To stop my speech from being redundant, I will stop using redundant speech.

GEORGE: Anyway, the way to destroy-slash-weaken him is to get him to drink flavored water!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Flavored water? Um...kay.

GEORGE: So, now, here's my plan: we get near his face, then wait until he begins to brag about how we have no chance, and then we throw some water in his mouth.

BAD STEVE: Don't we just want Mr. E and don't care about Rockholz at all?

THE WHEELCHAIR: Shut up, Bad Steve! Anyway, George, give me the bottle of flavored water!

GEORGE: Right. {gives The Wheelchair the bottle of flavored water} Now I'm gonna be a-goin' now. {goes offscreen}

{The Wheelchair powers on his rocket boosters and flies up and offscreen. Cut to The Wheelchair flying up and going next to Rockholz's head.}

ROCKHOLZ: You do know I heard everything you guys just -

{The Wheelchair tosses some flavored water into Rockholz mouth.}

ROCKHOLZ: Crap.

{Rockholz slowly melts offscreen, and as he does, his fists hit the wall, destroying it. Cut to the ground on the other side of the wall, which is now destroyed. Rockholz is shown slowly melting into a gray puddle, next to which is Mr. E. The Wheelchair lands on top of the puddle.}

MR. E: Uh...that didn't work out as planned.

{King Snailbert's two guards come onscreen, pass The Wheelchair, and grab Mr. E. King Snailbert comes onscreen afterward.}

KING SNAILBERT: All right! Everyone's alive! That is fantastic! How about we leave this cave and execute Mr. E somewhere else, shall we?

MR. E: Execute?

THE WHEELCHAIR: What about me? I defeated this huge monster and saved everyone!

KING SNAILBERT: Oh, right. I think I lost a dollar when coming in this cave. Go find it!

{The Wheelchair leaves, then King Snailbert and his guards, carrying Mr. E. The camera stays on the scene for a few seconds, and then the gray puddle that Rockholz melted into begins to ripple and shake. A couple seconds later, Zorkolch morphs out of the puddle.}

ZORKOLCH: He'll pay...they'll all pay...they'll all pay for what they did to me! Ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! {continues to laugh evilly}

MR. FLOWER: {walking onscreen} What...happened? {falls over}

{Cut to Mr. E (and yes, he's still an Ungurait) being put into a jail cell by King Snailbert's guards. They leave, and a few seconds later, an Ungurait comes onscreen.}

MR. E: Who are you?

THE UNGURAIT: You don't even recognize your own dad?

MR. E: Right...he's dead. The Wheelchair killed him.

THE UNGURAIT: No. The Wheelchair tossed me out to the surface of the moon. A couple seconds later I was kidnapped by stenchars. They're little, small, white people who suck blood and can go through any substance except glass. The government marked me as dead, and I still am marked dead.

MR. E: Wait...so you're saying I had absolutely no reason to try to hunt down The Wheelchair?

THE UNGURAIT: What? You tried to hunt down The Wheelchair?

MR. E: Nevermind. Just get me out of here.

THE UNGURAIT: What? No! I just came here to tell you I'm still alive, I'm not break you out of jail! That's illegal! {leaves}

MR. E: Oh. Crud!

{King Snailbert comes onscreen}

KING SNAILBERT: Hey, Mr. E! Watch, I'm opening the door! {opens to jail cell door} However, I bet you're too scared to even come out!

{Mr. E walks out of the cell.}

KING SNAILBERT: Oh. Well, I bet you're too scared to punch me.

{Mr. E punches King Snailbert with his invisible arm and King Snailbert flies offscreen.}

MR. E: {walking offscreen} It really is pointless getting involved with this whole The Wheelchair thing, anyway.

{Cut to Firebert standing next to The Wheelchair's house with a TNT detonator next to him. The Wheelchair comes onscreen.}

FIREBERT: All right! I'm gonna destroy his home in ten...nine...eight...

THE WHEELCHAIR: All right, you can stop now.

FIREBERT: No, I'm destroying your house. You said you wanted me too.

THE WHEELCHAIR: No. Now get out of here.

FIREBERT: Sir, I can't leave here until your house is destroyed.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Leave!

FIREBERT: No!

{Firebert pushes the detonator down. Nothing happens.}

FIREBERT: Hmm...equipment malfunction. Uh...I'm gonna go now. {walks offscreen, carrying the detonator with him}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Wait...so there's TNT in my house? Crud.

{Cut to The Wheelchair at the Happy 354}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {typing} So, that was interesting. I really hope my house doesn't blow up randomly, though. That would stink. And that about wraps up this long email special. So, goodnight USA! Or whatever.

{The Paper comes down}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on "goodnight USA" at the end of the email:

THE WHEELCHAIR: {still at the Happy 354} Yeah, well, in case you're not in the USA, goodnight...er...everyone. But then, if it is night here, then it'll be daytime on the other side of the world, so... Good everything, everybody!

  • Click on "blow up randomly" at the end of the email to see this scene:

{The Wheelchair is standing next to a piece of metal with a glowing red thing in it and multi-colored wires coming out of it.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Oh no. Evil equipment. That better not blow up.

GEORGE: {leaning onscreen} Cut the blue wire!

THE WHEELCHAIR: What? No! How about you do it?

GEORGE: No! It'll blow up if I do that!

Fun Facts

  • This is the longest The Wheelchair email so far.
  • The fourth wall is broken.
  • Wii is a video game console made by Nintendo.
  • The Worm told The Wheelchair to beat up Sherlock in escape. The idea was later expanded on in Sherlock Hunting, which was written halfway through writing this email.
  • George's evil laugh was present in sick and year and a half.
  • The Worm's underground tunnels being confidential is a reference to no emails.
  • Zathura is some movie that came out in 2007 and Rockman is the Japanese name for Mega Man.
  • Eh! Steve giving The Wheelchair a bad birthday present is a reference to eh! steve.
  • Mountain Dew is a soda made by PepsiCo.
  • Jalazan was the name of the monster in journey.
  • George learned of Rockholz's weakness in badly drawn.
  • The death of Mr. E's dad is explained in saving the moon.
  • Stenchars are extemely awesome. Trust me. You'll see them in the future probably. About ten to fifteen years from now. Yeah.
  • By decompiling the flash file (not really), you can see that e-schwa is written on the cave's wall. E-schwa is a word JeRM uses semi-a-lot in real life.

Commentary


Retrieved from "http://fanstuff.hrwiki.org/wiki/Other_Character_Email_The_Wheelchair/tech_ed"