Other Character Email The Wheelchair/special olympics

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The Wheelchair Email #24

Summary

The Wheelchair gets into the special olympics. Can he win the gold medal?

Cast (in order of appearance): The Wheelchair, Senor Cardgage, Ready for Primetime, kids, The Cheat, racers, Sherlock, Slow Poke

Plot: None

Computer: Happy 354

Lines: 100

Page Title: Gooooooollllllldddddd medddalllllssss.

Release Date: September 4, 2006

Transcript

{The Wheelchair double-clicks on "Email"}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {singing} E-M-A-L-E. Email is not male or female, it's E-Male!

{an email pops up}

(none)

Dear SPECIAL dude,

I really think you should join the Special Olympics. You could win GOLD MEDALS. Yay GOLD MEDALS...
Yay GOLD MEDALS...

Sincerly,
Past Special Olympian... Hey, how do you get out of the email thing?

THE WHEEELCHAIR: {typing} Is this an insult? Why you...G-g-g-gold medals...okay, I'm in! But I don't know how to join. So I'll go watch TV.

{cut to The Wheelchair watching TV}

TV: We'll be right back with Action, Violence and Explosions after these messages.

SINGERS IN COMMERCIAL: If you've got the guts, the skill and loyalty;
Then the time has come to fulfill your destiny!
Don't hold back, take a chance;
You can still advance!
The world, yes the world, might remember you!
So take a risk, and tie your shoe!
With us, your dreams just might come true!
The special olympics are waiting for you!

GUY IN COMMERCIAL: To join the special olympics call 5555555855555.

{Cut to The Wheelchair on the phone. The screen splits to show Senor Cardgage on one side and The Wheelchair on the other.}

SENOR CARDGAGE: Hello.

THE WHEELCHAIR: I'd like to join the special olympics.

SENOR CARDGAGE: No probalo, as long as you have your papers confirming you are "special", you're good to go.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Papers?

SENOR CARDGAGE: Yeah, papers.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Where do I get these papers?

SENOR CARDGAGE: Too bad, we ran out. But I can forge your papers for $75.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Er...kay.

{Cut to The Wheelchair on a track, next to him is Ready For Primetime}

READY FOR PRIMETIME: Okay, you need to run around the track once in under twenty minutes to qualify for the first round.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Twenty minutes? How long is it? A mile?

READY FOR PRIMETIME: Nope, half a mile.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Half a mile? I could do that in my sleep.

READY FOR PRIMETIME: Just run!

{Cut to the same scene except The Wheelchair is crossing the finish line. He rolls off the track and over to Ready For Primetime.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: What was my time?

READY FOR PRIMETIME: I can't tell you that. But I can tell you that you are a Class 4 runner! The higher the better!

THE WHEELCHAIR: How many classes are there?

READY FOR PRIMETIME: F-I can't tell you that! But if you keep up the good work I can give you a lollipop!

{Cut to a bunch of kids who look like Homestar standing against a white screen.}

GUY: {offscreen} Hey kids! Do know what would be better than a lollipop?

A KID: Two lollipops?

A KID: Three lollipops?

A KID: Three lollipops and a half-eaten worm?

GUY: {offscreen} Nope! A Genie Pop! {the words "Genie Pop" appear above the kids} The brand new lollipop that-

A KID: Hey! You asked what's better than a lollipop and now you say a lollipop is better than a half-eaten worm and three lollipops? You know what, let's all get half-eaten worms! Who's with me?

ALL KIDS: {begin to leave the room} Half-eaten worms! Half-eaten worms! Half-eaten worms! {leave the room}

GUY: {offscreen} Hey wait! You all signed a contract!

{the camera zooms out from a TV and shows The Wheelchair watching it}

THE WHEELCHAIR: That was a weird commercial.

{Ready For Primetime jumps onscreen}

READY FOR PRIMETIME: You thought it was weird? YOU DON'T SAY COMMERCIALS ARE WEIRD! THAT'S WRONG, BOY, WRONG! IT WASN'T WEIRD! SAY IT!

THE WHEELCHAIR: I will if you tell me how many classes there are, and I want to know my time.

READY FOR PRIMETIME: Fine! There are fifty classes. Your time was nineteen minutes, two seconds. Now say the commercial wasn't weird.

THE WHEELCHAIR: The commercial wasn't weird.

READY FOR PRIMETIME: {calling offscreen} Yep! He's mentally retarded! {leaves}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Hmmm...yes...it's clear to me now. To win this competition, I'm gonna have to cheat.

SOUND: Meh.

THE WHEELCHAIR: That was a weird coincidence.

{The Cheat walks onscreen}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Hey Mr. Cheater, can you hook me up with a jetpac?

THE CHEAT: Mehmawh meh!

{Cut to the track. The Wheelchair and four discolored Homestars are racing.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: This thing better work.

READY FOR PRIMETIME: {offscreen} GO!!

{A flame at least ten feet long shoots out of The Wheelchair. The flame shrinks as he rockets around the track in under five seconds.}

READY FOR PRIMETIME: Wow, great performance! I'm gonna have to upgrade you to a class fifty!

{Cut to the track. Sherlock and The Wheelchair are racing.}

READY FOR PRIMETIME: {offscreen} It's the final race here at the special olympics! Sherlock vs. The Wheelchair! Three...two...one...GO!

{The Wheelchair speeds off while Sherlock quickly moves offscreen. The camera zooms out to show the whole track. The Wheelchair's flame shrinks to nothing when The Wheelchair is about halfway through the track, and he slows down.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {camera zooms in} What the pig's roast! It broke!

{Sherlock comes onscreen}

THE WHEELCHAIR: No! You're not going to win! You're not even "special"! You speak Spanish!

SHERLOCK: Herboshebalocomo.

{The Wheelchair jumps on top of Sherlock. The crowd gasps. Sherlock splatters onto the ground in a blue puddle.}

READY FOR PRIMETIME: And The Wheelchair is disqualified!

{The Wheelchair rolls off of Sherlock, and Sherlock "pops" into his original self. Cut to Ready for Primetime holding the gold medal.}

READY FOR PRIMETIME: So the winner of the special olympics event is...Sherlock!

{Sherlock goes onscreen}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {rolling onscreen} Wait! Sherlock is not special! He can speak Spanish!

SHERLOCK: ¡No puedo! Signifiqué...herboshebalocomo.

CROWD: {gasps}

READY FOR PRIMETIME: Sherlock is not "special"! Um...what he said was something like "No I can't! I meant...herboshebalocomo." That means that Slow Poke wins!

{Techno music plays. Cut to a close-up of a strange pink animal wearing a black vest and black sunglasses extending his index finger and poking The Wheelchair in super slow-motion.}

READY FOR PRIMETIME: A little faster please!

{Slow Poke slowly walks over to Ready for Primetime. He accepts the medal and slowly walks off. Cut to Slow Poke walking away from the camera. He stops, takes two black pads off of his feet and resumes walking.}

SLOW POKE: Suckers!

{Cut back to Sherlock, The Wheelchair, and Ready for Primetime}

READY FOR PRIMETIME: You know, that guy probably cheated.

{The Paper comes down.}

Fun Facts


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