Other Character Email The Wheelchair/inspection

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The Wheelchair Email #14

Contents

Summary

In this email special Strong Bad threatens to erase Sweet Cuppin' Cakes Land. The Wheelchair then goes warning everyone about it. Then he has to stop Zorkolch. Meanwhile Eh! Steve and Bad Steve are at Death Amusement Park.

Cast (in order of appearance): Eh! Steve, floating creature, guards, Zorkolch, The Wheelchair, Strong Bad, Bad Steve, Sherlock, The Worm, Keyboard Strong Bad, Ready For Primetime, Rockholz, George, Madame Mysterious, Strong Sad, Teeg Dougland

Plot: Eh! Steve's Tragic Death

Computer: Wheely 145

Lines: 232

Page Title: A The Wheelchair Email Special

Release Date: May 7, 2006

Transcript

{The screen is black. The words "A The Wheelchair Email Special" appear. They disappear and Eh! Steve walks onscreen. The floating creature floats over.}

FLOATING CREATURE: Welcome to Death Amusement Park - hey wait! Didn't I already greet you earlier?

EH! STEVE: Eh! Steve!

FLOATING CREATURE: You must be that other guy's twin.

{The camera zooms in on Eh! Steve's green eye so that is the only thing on screen. A military building appears and everything is tinted green. Cut to a close-up of two guards outside the building. The camera is not tinted green.}

GUARD 1: No one's breaking in tonight!

GUARD 2: Yeah, we're making sure no one is going to steal the cloning liquid. And no one is.

ZORKOLCH: {offscreen in a deep voice} Ha ha ha ha.

GUARD 1: Did you just hear something?

GUARD 2: Yes. Yes I did. Did you hear it?

GUARD 1: Of course I did!

{Guard 2 collapses}

GUARD 1: Hey! Why did you... {collapses}

{Cut to inside the building. Zorkolch leans over from a wall. Cut to a close-up of a bottle labeled "cloning juice" behind glass.}

ZORKOLCH: Wait. This is too easy. {looks up and squints} Micro-cameras. {looks down to the floor and sprays something out of a bottle}

{Cut to lasers on the ground turning from clear to red. Some are moving, some are still.}

ZORKOLCH: Very clever. But were they expecting someone with a jetpack and chameleon skin? No! I didn't think so!

{Cut to a camera's angle of seeing a flame float over to the cloning liquid. The cloning liquid floats with the fire offscreen. The camera zooms out from the screen to reveal a guard watching it.}

GUARD: I knew I was going crazy! But just to make sure, I'm gonna pull the fire alarm!

{cut to The Wheelchair in his computer room}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {singing} Oh email, oh email. I can't of anything but email! So I check and respond and hope for another email! Lolli lolli lolli email! La la la email! I can sing about emails all day! {not singing} But I won't.

{Cut to a close-up shot of Wheely 145 and The Wheelchair. The Wheelchair types the_wheelchair_email.exe. An email pops up.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {typing} Ha! You erase Sweet Cuppin' Cakes Land! I doubt that's even possible!

{A teleportion sound is heard. The Wheelchair turns around to see Strong Bad come out of portal.}

STRONG BAD: Oh I can erase this whole place. And right now it's not looking very cool. And don't just put on some act until I leave. And where's Eh! Steve?

THE WHEELCHAIR: {not typing} He's...somewhere...in some place.

STRONG BAD: Well he better be here when you come for the inspection. And if he's not...this whole place will go black. And I won't be erased. Instead I'll be getting a soda.

THE WHEELCHAIR: I don't see why you're not going to check this place out right now.

STRONG BAD: The big game's not over yet. I have to see who will win. Portal of dimensions, activate.

{a portal appears}

THE WHEELCHAIR: How come you're not using you're Game Boy in a blender method to go to different dimensions?

STRONG BAD: Because the other method takes you to a random universe. This way is more accurate. Besides, this way is also a lot cheaper. I saved almost ten bucks!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Okay, see ya.

STRONG BAD: Portal of dimensions, set for Homestar Runner dimension.

{The portal makes a noise and Strong Bad jumps in. The portal disappears. Cut to Death Amusement Park. Eh! Steve and Bad Steve are onscreen. Bad Steve is wearing sunglasses.}

BAD STEVE: I put on these sunglasses and they make me look real cool!

EH! STEVE: Ess there a way to turn eento a goost?

BAD STEVE: I don't know. But if you do find a way, go haunt that no good rotten The Wheelchair.

EH! STEVE: Okay. I well. Will.

BAD STEVE: Good.

{They both stare into the camera for three seconds. Bad Steve and Eh! Steve turn toward each other.}

BAD STEVE: Since we have a little bit of time left on our hands, how about we arm wrestle?

EH! STEVE: Okay.

{They grab hands and arm wrestle. Bad Steve and Eh! Steve stay locked with no one winning for a couple seconds, but then Eh! Steve begins to win.}

BAD STEVE: No way! You are not winning!

{Bad Steve wins the arm wrestle. Cut to The Worm's hole. Sherlock is staring down at it and The Wheelchair comes onscreen.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Sherlock! Don't eat The Worm when Strong Bad comes!

{The Worm pops out of his hole and Sherlock grabs him with his mouth. The Worm goes inside Sherlock's mouth. Keyboard Strong Bad walks onscreen. Sherlock spits The Worm out, and The Worm crawls back into its hole.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Not that Strong Bad! The other one!

{Keyboard Strong Bad gives The Wheelchair a note}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {reading note} Are you talking about Strong Bad's inspection? {to Keyboard Strong Bad} Yes.

{Keyboard Strong Bad gives The Wheelchair another note}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {reading} Then you better not fail. {to Keyboard Strong Bad} Well that's nice advice. Where's Ready For Primetime?

{Cut to two guards watching a screen. On it are the two guards collapsing.}

GUARD 1: So the man shot the tranquilizer darts and ran inside. He put on a jetpack and chameleon skin and stole the cloning liquid. The only thing we don't know is who he is.

GUARD 2: So who is he?

GUARD 1: I don't know, but maybe we could match his face to a name.

GUARD 2: How do you create cameras?

GUARD 1: I don't know, but you shouldn't worry about that right now...wait! You're a genius!

GUARD 2: What does genius mean?

GUARD 1: Micro-cameras! How would he be able to see them with a naked eye? The only way that's possible is if he's a robot!

GUARD 2: What are robots made out of?

GUARD 1: Ketchup.

GUARD 2: Really?

GUARD 1: No.

{cut to The Wheelchair and Ready For Primetime in Sweet Cuppin' Cakes Land}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Strong Bad is coming, so you have to be good!

READY FOR PRIMETIME: Keyboard Strong Bad! Already!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Strong Bad, not Keyboard Strong Bad, but continue.

READY FOR PRIMETIME: I made a bet with Keyboard Strong Bad that I would become a popular singer by the next time I saw him.

THE WHEELCHAIR: You made a stupid bet.

READY FOR PRIMETIME: Can you listen to my singing?

THE WHEELCHAIR: Sure.

READY FOR PRIMETIME: {singing badly} 'Cause you had a bad day, you take one-

THE WHEELCHAIR: Stop! Stop!

READY FOR PRIMETIME: Was I good?

THE WHEELCHAIR: Good if you want to be funny. You're the next William Hung!

READY FOR PRIMETIME: Yay! {walks offscreen}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Now where's Zorkolch?

{cut to The Wheelchair looking at a sign that says "The Wheelchair, this is Zorkolch telling you that I am in a cave"}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {reads sign aloud} What's the point of this sign?

{Cut to the outside of a cave. The Wheelchair comes onscreen and enters it.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: It's dark in here.

{cut to a black screen}

ZORKOLCH: There you are The Wheelchair.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Oh, Zorkolch! I wanted to tell you to act good when Strong Bad comes!

ZORKOLCH: Okay I will. I'm gonna lite a fire.

{Zorkolch lites a fire revealing that The Wheelchair is in a cage with many monsters. Zorkolch is outside the cage.}

ZORKOLCH: Give up The Wheelchair! You're trapped!

{The Wheelchair slips out the bars}

ZORKOLCH: I'm an idiot.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Do you know where Rockholz is?

ZORKOLCH: You don't know?

THE WHEELCHAIR: No.

ZORKOLCH: Well then I shouldn't explain it to you. But...I am...Rockholz!

The transformation

{Zorkolch's head turns into Rockholz's head. Then his arms and hands turn into Rockholz's arms hands, then his body, then his legs and feet.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Okay, then how did you see me in the dark?

ROCKHOLZ: Us rock monsters have special eyes. They can magnify vision and give light without giving light.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Why were you an old person?

ROCKHOLZ: Because rock monsters have longer lives than humans. I am young for a rock monster, but old for a human.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Are we supposed to have a boss fight already?

ROCKHOLZ: I think so.

{Rockholz steps back a few steps with his back to lava inside the cave. Two flying rocks fly at The Wheelchair The Wheelchair dodges them, and the two rocks collide. Another rock flies at The Wheelchair. The Wheelchair leans to his side, and the rock grinds up when it hits the wheel.}

ROCKHOLZ: Those were just rocks! Now you face me!

{Rockholz slams his fists into the ground and causes the ground to build up and move over to The Wheelchair like a wave. The Wheelchair rolls up the wave and jumps off it. He hits Rockholz who falls into the lava.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: That boss was way too easy.

{Rockholz jumps out of the lava with red rocks covering him}

ROCKHOLZ: You haven't gotten rid of me yet!

{Rockholz throws a lava rock at The Wheelchair. He dodges it. The rock splits open, and rock pieces fly up into the air. The Wheelchair dodges all of them.}

ROCKHOLZ: This boss fight isn't over yet!

{The Wheelchair rolls over to Rockholz and touches him. Rockholz falls in the lava.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: This boss fight is getting boring.

{Cut to The Wheelchair entering a room in the cave filled with clones of Zorkolch. There are countless rows and countless columns.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Oh my gosh!

{The Wheelchair rolls over a security laser}

COMPUTER VOICE: Now activating Zorkolch clones.

{The Zorkolch clones walk toward The Wheelchair. The Wheelchair flees.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: HELP ME!!

ZORKOLCHS: What do you need help with?

THE WHEELCHAIR: Huh? Oh. I want you to jump into lava.

ZORKOLCHS: Response does not compute.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Then I want you to find Rockholz.

{The Zorkolch clones run offscreen. Cut to all of them jumping into the lava. Cut to The Wheelchair exiting the cave.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Well now I just have to warn GEORGE! I promised him that he would have a major role in the email special!

{the camera moves to the right revealing George}

GEORGE: I am not happy right now.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Oh don't worry, George. We can make another hundred lines easily. Um...let me just think of something we can do. Oh! I got it!

{Cut to Eh! Steve entering a building. The sign says "Madame Mysterious' Mysterious Future Telling". Cut to Eh! Steve and Madame Mysterious sitting at a table. In the middle of the table is a crystal ball.}

MADAME MYSTERIOUS: You really want to know your future? You already died, I mean, there isn't much left to do, but okay. {waves hands over crystal ball} You enter a haunted house and you open a trap door inside the house. You go in the trap door and activate a machine. The machine sucks you in it and turns you into a ghost. Now everything's getting foggy. I can't see your future!

{Cut to Eh! Steve in an underground chamber. He is a ghost and a machine is behind him.}

EH! STEVE: Eh! Cool! Now I keen go down to eerth!

{A blue shield surrounds Eh! Steve. The floating creature floats onscreen.}

FLOATING CREATURE: Not so fast! You are not leaving Death Amusement Park!

{Bad Steve sneaks up behind the floating creature and pulls his hooded sweatshirt cape thing off of him. Everything goes black.}

FLOATING CREATURE: Hey!

{Everything returns to normal, except Eh! Steve and Bad Steve have disappeared. The floating creature has his robe back on.}

FLOATING CREATURE: They got away! Nooooo!!

{cut to Eh! Steve and Bad Steve behind the haunted house}

EH! STEVE: You keept the soonglasses?

BAD STEVE: Yep. Now go down to earth and haunt The Wheelchair!

{Eh! Steve flies downward. Cut to The Wheelchair and George in The Wheelchair's computer room.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: But I don't want to catch a virus!

GEORGE: But I want to fix your computer and have a major role in this email.

{Strong Bad jumps out of a portal.}

STRONG BAD: I'm back! And nothing looks cool. You're just being boring and sitting at your computer. Yeah, this place is gonna be erased.

{The ghost of Eh! Steve flies into the room and flies around The Wheelchair. Eh! Steve flies away and switches the "locked" switch on the Wheely 145 to "moving". The Wheely 145 rolls off its desk and smashes on the floor.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: My computer!

STRONG BAD: Now that was cool. I guess I'll keep this place...unless Eh! Steve is really a ghost.

{Eh! Steve flies inside of Strong Bad, and Strong Bad morphs into Eh! Steve. The ghost of Strong Bad flies out of Eh! Steve.}

STRONG BAD: Hey! What's your problem!

EH! STEVE: Hay ees for houses.

GEORGE: Houses?

STRONG BAD: He's trying to say horses.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Doesn't anyone care about my problems! My computer broke!

{Everything is silent for a few seconds. Crickets begin to chirp.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: STOP CHIRPING CRICKETS!!! YOU'RE RUINING THE SILENCE!!

{the crickets stop chirping}

STRONG BAD: My problem is much worse than The Wheelchair's. I'm a ghost!

{Strong Sad jumps out of a portal}

STRONG SAD: Does anyone want to play board games with - Strong Bad! You're a ghost!

STRONG BAD: Can you get me back to normal? I won't pummel you for the rest of the week.

STRONG SAD: Where's your body?

STRONG BAD: Eh! Steve stole it.

STRONG SAD: And where's Eh! Steve's body.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Under a chandelier.

STRONG SAD: If you can find Eh! Steve's body you'll be human again.

{Strong Bad flies offscreen, and Strong Sad jumps back into the portal.}

GEORGE: Wait. When Strong Bad gets back to his human form he's gonna...

STRONG BAD: {offscreen} Destroy this show!

{The screen begins to flicker black and things begin to disappear with each flicker. The screen goes black. After a few seconds, Teeg Dougland comes onscreen.}

TEEG DOUGLAND: I'm afraid I've got some bad news. This show has been cancelled.

{Teeg Dougland walks offscreen. Cut to Strong Bad in his computer room. He is holding a list and a pencil.}

STRONG BAD: Okay let's see. {Camera zoom in on list. "Give Homestar hard math problems", "Give the KoT whatsit disguised as ice cream", "Kick The Chekt", are crossed out, and "Destroy Sweet Cuppin' Cakes", "Create something to control the volume of Strong Mad's voice", and "Do a music video" are not crossed out. Strong Bad crosses out "Destroy Sweet Cuppin' Cakes".} So I destroyed Sweet Cuppin' Cakes, and I'll never create something to lower Strong Mad's voice so...

GEORGE: You vile Mexican wrestler mask man! {crawling onscreen} You should be ashamed of yourself!

STRONG BAD: How did you survive?

GEORGE: I used the quick jump button on my portal of dimensions when everything was disappearing.

STRONG BAD: The show's already gone and you can't do anything about it!

GEORGE: Right.

{cut to the same scene except George is at the computer and Strong Bad is tied to his stool}

STRONG BAD: Let me go!

GEORGE: I will if you tell me your password to your internet account.

STRONG BAD: That doesn't matter. I'll just change it later. But it's Strong Bad backwards.

{cut to the same scene only Strong Bad isn't tied to his stool and George is gone}

STRONG BAD: That snail was dumb. He didn't even make me promise to not get rid of Sweet Cuppin' Cakes again.

{Strong Bad types in "hosttvsite.com". A message comes up saying "site is blocked". Strong Bad types in "unblocksite" and a message says "type password". Strong Bad types "dab gnorts". A message comes up saying "wrong password".}

STRONG BAD: Oh that clever George! He tricked me!

{Cut to Sweet Cuppin' Cakes Land. All six character from Sweet Cuppin' Cakes are standing onscreen.}

ALL BESIDES SHERLOCK: Happy season finale! Season two starts on May 22, 2006!

{cut to the two guards looking at lava in a cave}

GUARDS: Come out with your hands up!

{The Paper comes down}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on the guard on the left to see this:

{cut to The Wheelchair in a blank room}

THE WHEELCHAIR: In this easter egg we'll show you a preview for Season 2.

VOICE: Really?

THE WHEELCHAIR: No.

Fun Facts

  • Goof: Eh! Steve's eye isn't green.
  • Chameleons are known for their color changing skin.
  • Ready For Primetime is singing Bad Day, a song by Daniel Powter.
  • William Hung was so bad at singing that he was funny.
  • Teeg Dougland is from best thing.
  • The Chekt is from secret recipes.
  • May 22, 2006 was not the date when season two started. It was May 18.
  • This was the longest email when it came out.


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