Other Character Email The Wheelchair/tires

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

Jump to: navigation, search

The Wheelchair Email #35

Contents

Summary

The Wheelchair gets Gremlin Tires. His old ones are stolen.

Cast (in order of appearance): The Wheelchair, Bubs, TV Announcer, Eh! Steve, Keyboard Strong Bad, a sniper, Homestar

Plot: None

Computer: Happy 354

Lines: 130

Page Title: Happy with the 354

Release Date: April 19, 2008

Transcript

{The Wheelchair double-clicks on email}

THE WHEELCHAIR: If I had a dollar for every email I checked I'd have...um...I would be pretty poor.

{an email pops up}

(Still...no one cares to leave a subject bar?)

Dear The Wheelchair,
I love your tires! Can I have your tires? What would you do if you had Gremlin tires?
From,

Bubs

THE WHEELCHAIR: {typing} Well, if you're getting my tires, Bubs, can I have your legs?

BUBS: {voice-only} NO.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Uh...what the crud...?

{Cut to a television commercial. Shown on TV is a regular old, crummy tire.}

TV ANNOUNCER: Do you really want these tires?

{Cut to a single tire rolling across the screen, which falls over.}

TV ANNOUNCER: Only Videlectrix Tires knows what tires YOU want!

{A green tire with spikes around it pops up onscreen}

TV ANNOUNCER: Get Gremlin Tires! They'll make you the coolest wheelchair on the block! Guaranteed!

FAST TALKING TV ANNOUNCER: {talking extremely fast} Gremlin Tires do not actually guarantee you to be the coolest person on the block, or anywhere, for that matter. Videlectrix Tires is not responsible for deflation of tires do to a spike poking the tire or crashing into a tree. If the tire you receive is broken, then just deal with it. If you ever want your money back, just shut up and stop being a cry-baby! Gremlin Tires may cause nausea, dizziness, diarhea, headaches, vomiting, wanting to move at really fast speeds, and the craving to eat paper, but we don't care.

TV ANNOUNCER: Gremlin Tires! Only fifty easy payments of ten dollars! Just call 1-555-IDOLS01!

{Cut to The Wheelchair in front of the TV, holding a phone with his invisible hands.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Ooh, I have to get me one of those!

{Cut to a black background with the words "3-6 weeks later" displayed. Cut to The Wheelchair at the Happy 354.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {typing} And so, Bobby, that's how you cure cancer while on a low-carb diet!

{doorbell rings}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {typing} OMG!!! It's, liek, here!

{Cut to The Wheelchair answering his front door. As he opens the door, screaming is heard outside, and the outside world appears to be on fire, with people, also on fire, running around screaming. The Wheelchair takes a package sitting behind his front door, which is on fire, inside his house, and afterward proceeds to blow out the fire that's burning his package.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: I wonder what this could...well, I already know what is, but I'm like, so excited!

{The Wheelchair takes out two of the tires which were seen on the TV from the package.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Okay, now how do I change these things? Hmm...maybe if I detach my tires like so...

{The Wheelchair's tires fall off and The Wheelchair falls over.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Crud! Now how do I get up!?

{Debris falls from above and a crane hook comes onscreen and lifts up The Wheelchair. A guitar theme begins to play. Cut to The Wheelchair with his Gremlin Tires going at fast speeds on a road, with many backgrounds flying past him. Eh! Steve goes past, breaking off a spike from The Wheelchair's wheel as he does.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {coming to a halt} Hey, give me back my Gremlin spike, Eh! Steve!

{The spike comes onscreen and the pointy end gets stuck in The Wheelchair's Gremlin Tire. The wheel begins to deflate.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Oh. My. Tiger. You just popped my tire!

{The Wheelchair falls over and the guitar theme stops. Cut to The Wheelchair in his house, closing his front door, as if he just walked inside. The Wheelchair is missing one tire. The Wheelchair rolls to the left, but falls over.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {mumbling, and getting up} Stupid...having to shift my weight when I roll. {normal} Now where are my old tires?

{The Wheelchair moves left more until he gets to a closet, and opens it. There is nothing inside.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: I know I put them right here! I think...someone stole my tires!

{Cut to The Wheelchair rolling up to Eh! Steve, still missing a tire.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: All right, Eh! Steve! Where are my tires!?

EH! STEVE: Eh? I deedn't steal eeny of your teeres.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Oh yeah? Well... {falls over} Crud.

{Eh! Steve looks around, slightly twitching, then hits The Wheelchair with a bat, reaches into The Wheelchair's fallen body, and takes a wallet out of The Wheelchair, and afterward proceeds to run offscreen.}

{Cut to The Wheelchair standing next to Keyboard Strong Bad.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: I know you stole my tires, keyboard face! Give them back!

{Keyboard Strong Bad slams its head down on The Wheelchair. The scene immediately cuts to a view of the White House. The camera zooms in to show The Wheelchair next to a sniper on top of the White House.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Hi there, sniperer! You didn't happen to steal my tires, did you?

{The sniper turns his rifle toward The Wheelchair. Cut to The Wheelchair in his computer room.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: I just don't get it! Who could have stolen my tires? Wait...

{Cut to a flashback. The Wheelchair is at the Happy 354. The email from the beginning of the toon is onscreen.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {reading} I love your tires! Can I have your tires? Blah, blah, blah, from Bubs!

{Cut back to The Wheelchair in his computer room.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Bubs stole my tires!

BUBS: {walking onscreen} You got that right!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Uh...what're you doing here?

BUBS: I've come to collect the funds! That'll be $5.89 for receiving my email, $10.89 for answering it, and $89.89 for making me have to come here!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Why would you have to come here?

BUBS: To steal your tires, dummy! Why else would I come here! Now pay up!

THE WHEELCHAIR: What? No! I'm not paying you for your dumb reasons!

BUBS: Okay, then. Pay me for my good reasons!

THE WHEELCHAIR: All right, fine! I'll pay you $10.89! {pause} Um...What the heck happened to my wallet?

{Cut to The Wheelchair, still missing a tire, talking to Bubs at Bubs' Consession Stand.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Please, Mr. Bubs man! Please just give me back my tires!

BUBS: Look, Mr. SameVoiceAsMe, I run a business here! $89,000 or bust!

THE WHEELCHAIR: I'm not gonna pay that kind of money for your... {falls over} I just have to fall over, don't I?

BUBS: Falling over costs $2.89, thank you very much.

It'sa gonna explode!

{Cut to the back of Bubs' Concession Stand at nighttime. The back door is graffitied on, saying "Strong BSad was here." A portal appears out of the air and The Wheelchair comes out of it, and then moves over to the back door. The Wheelchair places a sticky bomb and hits a button on it to make "00:60" appear on the display screen. The bomb begins to count down in seconds from 60, and The Wheelchair quickly rolls offscreen. When the time bomb reaches 55, though, The Wheelchair comes back onscreen, and hits the bomb with a bat. The bomb changes its display to "00:03". The Wheelchair quickly rolls offscreen.}

{The bomb explodes and the there is a hole where the door is. The Wheelchair comes back onscreen and goes inside. Cut to The Wheelchair inside Bubs' Concession Stand. Boxes litter the floor, along with a few shelves, and a safe with "Tires" written on it. The Wheelchair rolls over to it.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: A safe? Really, they're just tires!

BUBS: {offscreen} Tires that you'll go through any length to get back!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Bubs!? How'd you know I'm here?

BUBS: Well, I heard the explosion, for one.

THE WHEELCHAIR: I am going to ea...

{A cage falls on The Wheelchair}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Okay, seriously, how many times can I be captured in a cage!?

BUBS: Eight-point-nine.

{The screen goes black, and the words "One Day Later" appear onscreen. Cut to an outside view of Bubs' Concession Stand, with Bubs at the counter. The Wheelchair is visible inside his cage in the stand. Homestar skips over to the Concession Stand.}

HOMESTAR: Hey Bubs. Strong Bad says that if I put a paper clip in an outlet, the tooth faiwy will come! So Bubs, got any paper - Wait a minute! What's that!?

BUBS: {edging to the side in order to cover up The Wheelchair in the background} {nervous} What's what?

HOMESTAR: Five minutes to get wid of it! All wight, I've gotta go. Bye Bubs! Bye talking wheelchair in a cage! {begins to run offscreen}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Hey! Wait!

{The camera angle cuts to a view of inside Bubs' Concession Stand. Bubs turns around and walks over to The Wheelchair.}

BUBS: Look, I'll give you an option. If you pay me the $89,000, which I'm sure you are undoubtedly carrying with you, I'll let you free.

THE WHEELCHAIR: I don't have that kind of money with me! Who do you think I am?

BUBS: You're a wheelchair! Wheelchairs make all the moneys!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Okay, you know what, fine! I'll pay you.

BUBS: Uh...you really have $89,000...?

THE WHEELCHAIR: All right, let me just count my money. {Takes out a pile of money from hammerspace. Begins to count.} 100...200...300...

{A message comes up saying "Several hours later". Cut to The Wheelchair still in his cage, still counting the money.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: Crud, I lost count.

{A message comes up saying "Several more hours later". Cut to The Wheelchair still counting the money in his cage.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: 88,900...89,000! All right, I counted it all out! {pushes a giant pile of money through the bars of his cage with his invisible hands}

BUBS: You know, you could of just written me a check.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Oh. Right.

BUBS: {picking up money and stuffing it into a pillow case} Well, anyway, you can lift up the cage with your invisible arms. It's lightweight.

THE WHEELCHAIR: {throwing cage offscreen} Crud...how did I not think of that! I've even done that before!

BUBS: Well, I thought for sure you'd warp away in your portal of dimensions.

THE WHEELCHAIR: You - well, nevermind. My tires?

BUBS: Oh, right. That'll be $89,000.

THE WHEELCHAIR: But...I hate you.

{The Wheelchair proceeds to hit Bubs with a bat. Cut to The Wheelchair at the Happy 354.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {typing} Anyways, after the police came, Bubs decided to give me back my tires. Yay for my tires!

{The Paper comes down}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on "police" at the end to see Bubs' explanation on what happened:

{Cut to Bubs inside his Concession Stand, with nothing in it besides empty shelves.}

BUBS: Yeah, he came in here after blowing up the door, then he stole all my stuff and chopped off my head!

{The camera pans to the right to show Homestar wearing a police uniform}

HOMESTAR: I see. And then you glued your head back on afterward, right?

BUBS: Yep.

Fun Facts

  • You all know who Videlectrix is.
  • 1-555-IDOLS01 would call American Idol, but there's a 555 there.
  • The Wheelchair coming out of a portal is a reference to portals of dimensions.
  • Saying "Five minutes to get rid of it" is a "game" where people try to get someone else to say "what".
  • The Wheelchair saying he had already lifted up the cage before to escape from a cage is a reference to escape.


Retrieved from "http://fanstuff.hrwiki.org/wiki/Other_Character_Email_The_Wheelchair/tires"