Other Character Email The Wheelchair/storytime

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The Wheelchair Email #25

Contents

Summary

The Wheelchair reads some stories to five year-olds at the library.

Cast (in order of appearance): The Wheelchair, Senor Cardgage, kids, Marzipan

Plot: None

Computer: Happy 354

Lines: 121

Page Title: Happy with the 354

Release Date: September 15, 2006

Transcript

{The Wheelchair double-clicks on "Email"}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {singing} I hope this email ain't from a crazy guy!

{an email pops up}

(none)

Dear The wheeler,

I think it would be great if you tell 'story time' to little five year-olds at the library!

Some crazy guy!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Darn! It's from a crazy guy! And they didn't put in anything for the subject bar - like everyone else. {typing} Well, onto the email. I do not, check that, will not, tell "storytime" at the library.

{the phone rings}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {not typing} I'm not gonna answer that.

{The phone rings until it goes to the answering machine.}

SENOR CARDGAGE: {on answering machine} Uh...for cheating in the special olympics, uh...the people who run the special olympics, uh...want you to do um...three hours of community service at some specific place. Uh...what is it?

THE WHEELCHAIR: Please not the library, please not the library!

SENOR CARDGAGE: At the Cupcake factory...

THE WHEELCHAIR: Yes!

SENOR CARDGAGE: ...Library.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Huh?

SENOR CARDGAGE: Yep, the Cupcake Factory Library.

THE WHEELCHAIR: {cut to an aerial shot} Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

{Cut to the library. The Wheelchair is holding a book called The Lost Dog by Lem Sportsinterviews. A bunch of kids who look similar to Homestar, Pom Pom, and Strong Bad are sitting next to The Wheelchair.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: The Lost Dog. Once upon a time there was frog.

KID: But this is about a dog!

THE WHEELCHAR: I know. But for right now, we're talking about a frog. Where was I? Oh yeah. The frog owned a dog named Max.

KID: But I like the name Spot.

THE WHEELCHAIR: No, his name is Max.

KID: Spot!

THE WHEELCHAIR: His name is Max.

ALL KIDS: Spot! Spot! Spot! Spot!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Fine! I'll call him Spot. So anyways...M-Spot was on a walk one day when the frog saw his friend toad, and frog tied his dog to a tree.

KID: Toad? That mushroom?

ANOTHER KID: Tying a dog to a tree! That's animal cruelty!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Cruelty is a long word for a five year-old.

KID: Hey, I'm five and a quarter! How old are you? Ten? Eleven?

ANOTHER KID: What's eleven?

THE WHEELCHAIR: Erg...Ma-Spot got mad at his owner and untied the rope. Then he ran into the woods.

KID: That was stupid. Bears are in the woods.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Er...Max encountered a deer...

KID: His name is Spot!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Oh yeah. Spot encountered a deer...

KID: What does encounter mean?

THE WHEELCHAIR: It means met. Spot encountered a deer, and the deer was eating grass. So Spot ate some. "Yuck," said Spot. Spot saw a racoon climbing up a tree. So Spot tried it.

KID: Who does Spot think he is? Spiderman?

THE WHEELCHAIR: Spot fell.

KID: Of course he did.

THE WHEELCHAIR: All the deer and raccoons suddenly hid. Spot looked around. He saw a bear.

KID: Told you so.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Spot ran for his tail.

KID: Don't dogs have nine lives?

ANOTHER KID: That's cats.

THE WHEELCHAIR: The bear chased Spot to a cliff. Spot looked down. It was a long way down.

KID: Just jump off! I know I would if some bear was chasing me.

THE WHEELCHAIR: The bear was right behind him. So Spot made a running jump and landed on the other side of the cliff.

ALL KIDS: Wowwwwwww!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Spot decided the woods was not a place for him. So he decided to go back to his frog. The end.

KID: That book was horrible! Read another one!

{The Wheelchair drops the book on the ground and picks up one called Yum, Yum Chococolate.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: This story is called Yum, Yum Chocolate. I will read. There once was a boy named Billy...so you like that name, right? Grood. Great and good. So...There once was a boy named Billy, and he loved chocolate. He would eat it with every meal, and when he grew up he wanted to be a hobo who eats chocolate all the time. Er...who's this by? The author certainly is sending the kids a bad message. I don't think I should continue.

KIDS: No! Read on!

{Another kid walks onscreen.}

KID: Ooh...storytime! Read the book!

THE WHEELCHAIR: I already started it.

SAME KID: Well then read it over.

THE WHEELCHAIR: You were late, you missed the beginning. Too bad.

SAME KID: Why do you talk like a nerd?

THE WHEELCHAIR: Why you little! I'm gonna...

{Marzipan walks onscreen angry}

MARZIPAN: You can't scold these little kids. They want to learn. They don't know that's an insult.

SAME KID: Actually, I do know.

MARZIPAN: No, don't take the blame. We know you're innocent.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Actually, I think the kid made a good point there.

{Marzipan walks angrily offscreen}

SAME KID: You know what, start from where you left off. Books are boring.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Err...Billy went to a chocolate factory one day with his parents. While his parents were off in the taste testing room, Billy snuck over to a pile of chocolate bars. Billy hid from the worker counting the bars, and took one. He ate and ate and ate. Then his belly got full. Billy fell asleep.

KID: That was stupid. Now Billy's parents are gonna get sued.

THE WHEELCHAIR: You are a giant pig head!

KID: Hey! That's what my parents call me!

THE WHEELCHAIR: So...Billy awoke in his bed. It was all a dream.

ALL KIDS: Awwww...

THE WHEELCHAIR: Or so Billy thought. When Billy went into the kitchen to eat breakfast, his parents didn't let Billy have chocolate. He had to eat scrambled eggs.

KID: I like scrambled eggs! Especially since you get to kill the innocent chick...

THE WHEELCHAIR: That's enough. You don't want to scare the other kiddies. Anyway...Billy said yuck after every bite. His parents then asked him if he had one thousand dollars. Billy didn't.

KID: Well of course he doesn't! Like ten thousand is like ten more than ten!

ANOTHER KID: There's such a number? I don't believe you.

OTHER KID: Well, you should.

THE WHEELCHAIR: Billy was off to kindergarten. His teacher let him have chocolate as usual, but then the teacher got a call and took the chocolate right from Billy's hands. "Hey!" said Billy. Billy was angry. Billy was...

KID: Can I go potty?

THE WHEELCHAIR: No.

SAME KID: Why not?

THE WHEELCHAIR: Because I'm mean.

SAME KID: Mean people stink!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Ugg...Billy was so mad that he hit his teacher.

KIDS: Woo-hoo!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Billy was sent to the principal's office...

KIDS: Awwwww...

THE WHEELCHAIR: ...And Billy hit the principal!

KIDS: Woo-hoo!

THE WHEELCHAIR: Billy was suspended from school and his parent's got very angry. Billy was grounded and he had to stay in his room. Billy learned his lesson. But Billy was far from happy. He wouldn't be happy until he was a hobo who ate chocolate all the time. Fifteen years later...

KID: What's fifteen?

THE WHEELCHAIR: Five more than ten. So...Billy was a hobo who ate candy all the time. He felt happy. The end.

KID: Such a great story!

ANOTHER KID: I wanna be a hobo when I grow up!

{cut to the Happy 354}

THE WHEELCHAIR: {typing} I had to do three hours of that! Why couldn't I just have lost at the special olympics? I wish I could have done anything besides that. But Senor Cardgage said you have to do three hours of community service at the Cupcake Factory Library. Hey, wait! That library wasn't called the Cupcake Factory Library! It was just Library. Something seems suspicious, but I can't lay my finger on it. Well, mostly because I don't have fingers, but also because I can't lay fingers. Hmm...

{The Paper comes down}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on "lay fingers" at the end to see a picture of a hand crawling out of an egg.
  • Click on "suspicious at the end to see this:

{cut to The Wheelchair's answering machine}

SENOR CARDGAGE: {on answering machine} Hello? This is Senor Cardgage. I just meant to tell you that you can do community service at the cupcake factory or the library.

Fun Facts


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